Mad Veggie Farm

Cafeteria Nipponica Recipe Tracker

2014-02-08T19:41:00.001+08:00

Cafeteria Nipponica Recipe Tracker

Well, recently I'm back into playing and the current craze is/are Kairosoft games! I currently own a few and am into Cafeteria Nipponica at the moment. This page should be easier to help filter which recipes you have already unlocked and want to show/hide, thus "Recipe Tracker". Thanks for stopping by my page and hope this is useful!

Note: This post uses cookies, so that you can truly "track" your recipe status. Cookie has been set to 1 week lifespan.

How to use: Check on "Locked" dish to move it to "Unlocked" section and vice versa.
Click on dish or recipe to filter out dishes that use them as either a base dish or ingredient.
Search function is based on a "OR" logic. Meaning if you checked "Marbled Beef" but unchecked "Curry 'n Rice" it will still show.
Items that unlock via chests will always be shown. No further plans to add a switch for this.

Information taken from Kairoguide blog and Happy Enna blog. My source of data seems to be inaccurate, I will redo it again, with data from another source as well.

Locked

Unlocked

Filter

End of day 3/90 days of habit making

2012-03-28T21:07:00.002+08:00

End of day 3!

It's a tough day. I've reached the initial breakdown or disruption of my plans.
I have become very tired upon waking up and unable to continue my daily program from 7.00am. I suspect and have sort of pre-empted this, my body is unable to compensate for the lack of stamina from the daily workout. I believe this will subside and shouldn't affect my plans heavily.

I didn't put in 100% of my time into work today either. But I fought the laziness and unmotivated me to do work that I was satisfied with. I will put in Saturday into work as well.

On a good note, as mentioned I am proud of my work done and the exercise I've completed today. I ran slower than yesterday but I was in slightly worse shape than yesterday and yesterday was a cool run after the rain.

Also my shirt is starting to "shrink". That means I'm regaining my shoulders/deltoids and pecs, albeit slowly.

I pray that my efforts are not for naught, as they began with a single purpose. To change and better myself so that I may be a good provider for the woman I love. I hope she'll give me another chance and eventually be my wife.

I pray for strength and favour, especially to woo this beautiful lady and that she'll be wooed, Amen.

End of day 2/90 days of habit making

2012-03-27T21:02:00.002+08:00

Hah I screwed up big time today.
Woke up at like 11am...

Didn't get my exercise done or reach work at 10am.
I didn't really do work today either but that's because I was setting up and installing my new laptop (Thank you boss!)

It took some time to do all the installations and it's great that everything is ready for work. I even took the laptop home today to finish up the setup.

I made up for the exercises by working out and running. Going to have my dinner now...

Was daydreaming in the shower... funny huh. Feels good to be sticking to a regime but if I know myself, I would be hitting the low mood cycle in 1 - 2 weeks. That's where the tough stuff begins. I rest my life in Your hands. Amen!

End of day 1/90 days of habit making

2012-03-26T22:13:00.002+08:00

Hoooo...

What a tough day. Well I failed the very first one. Slept at 1.30am instead of 12.00am. I'll try to sleep at 12.00 tonight. I did my exercises, left home for work and worked hard.

All was well today. Other than sleeping at 12.00 -_-'''

Work was horrid today. I wasted 2-3 days of effort. Turns out what I coded wasn't what my boss wanted. Guess I'll have to work even harder tomorrow.

And I got a summons for parking at the road!
Double, Triple, Quadraple whammy today. Really bad day. I wished the lady I love is in my arms, hugging me tight and consoling me. I guess not. I pray I will be stronger tomorrow. Amen.

A new season of life

2012-03-25T21:09:00.002+08:00

Many things have changed, at least since Rainy day. Love... is no longer part of my life. The woman I loved, has for the second time, chosen to give up on the relationship between us.

I do personally feel that the time wasn't right. I pray that I can return, as a better man. And I didn't think her participation was helping. All in all, I do value her. But I've learnt one thing. To depend on myself and not others. Encouragement is but, a passing advertisement board that says "You can do it". The journey still has to be made by me.

I'm also somewhat miffed that she was the one who told me, "It takes 90 days to make a habit" and at the same time she gave up on me in a month's time.

I do love her. But now's not the time for that. 90 days, this is day 1. Even though it's not really day 1, but I believe that today plays a part in tomorrow. So even tomorrow is day 1, my efforts today will make tomorrow a better success.

Dear God, I pray that you help me. Help me forge the good habits and break the bad ones. I do really want to love this woman, help me to change to be a better person. I also pray that when the time comes for her to choose, I shall be the better choice and wanted choice.

Give me the strength to traverse this 90 days of habit making and breaking. And I pray that 90 days do make a habit. Otherwise it'll be in vain, or rather my expectations would have been shattered.

I pray and I pray again, help me Father. Amen.

Rainy day

2012-03-14T13:15:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone... Or rather, my dear blog.

How have you been?
I've decided to turn you into my personal blog while Turtle Speed Coder changes to my programming blog.

It has been a long year of 2011 and now is 2012 (though it's already March by now).
Many things have changed. Love, life, work, hobby.

Not exactly struggling to juggle these. I'm more of attempting to juggle the stress created by handling these. Sometimes I really have to talk to myself and let my logical side control my emotional side.

I pray to God that my logic will prevail most of the time. Else, my character will not grow properly. Or rather, letting my emotional side run wild and free is going to create more problems for myself.

And it has been a rainy day, my mood was kinda off. Didn't want to leave home to go to work. In the end, I reached office at 12.30pm. Still a part time worker and based on project, you could call me a freelancer which I am. In any case, I hope to return to this blog a better and stronger person. In God I trust.

How to setup MySQL connector with Visual Studio

2011-04-08T11:03:00.003+08:00

Hey there, this post is to just help out everyone out there (and at the same time logging down what I've done, in case I need to refer to it in the future) who is struggling with getting the MySQL connector working with ASP.NET.

Now let's get our hands dirty.

The things that you'll really really need:

1) Microsoft Visual Studios, either the Professional/Premium or whatever edition, so long as it's not the free edition. Yes you've heard me, not the FREE or Express edition.

The issue is that the Express (FREE yes I must emphasize this many times. Not all freelancers can afford to buy a new software for every little single project they handle) where was I?

Oh yes the Express edition is unable to load 3rd party plugins/connectors. And MySQL is 3rd party.

At this point in time, you have to make a painful decision before continuing on this post.

Pay for a professional VS copy, or switch to the proprietary MS SQL server.

As for me, I'm currently using the Trial version (good for 30 days) to finish my project.

If you only have a short project to handle, go ahead, get the Trial version.

2) MySQL connector. Go ahead and Google and download it. Install it.

3) After installation and having your MySQL server set up, you need to "Add A Reference". Yep, this step has confounded me for a bit. Basically when you are in Visual Studios, under the Menu Bar, select "View" and then "Solution Explorer". And in the "Solution Explorer", right click on "Reference" and add a new reference.

The MySQL connector should be in the .NET section, look for MySQL.Data.

Not sure what's the difference between 2.0x and 4.0x but I'm using the 4.0x reference and it works for me.

Here's the link to the MySQL Connector PDF guide by MySQL if you need it: MySQL Connector PDF

And have fun for your project!

Magento: Edit in stock/out of stock messages

2010-12-02T16:13:00.009+08:00

Hi all,

Today I've learnt another new thing on Magento. That is to edit the in stock and out of stock messages on the product page.

By default, the messages are:

Availability: In stock.

Availability: Out of stock.

The issue is, some people might want to customize or remove the stock message.

So let's begin on how to edit it:

First the files are located in:

/public_html/app/design/frontend/default/default/template/catalog/product/view/type

Important!!!

If you want to keep your changes, be sure to use a custom template instead. E.g.

/public_html/app/design/frontend/default/Your_Template_Name/template/catalog/product/view/type\

Next, just a bit of code editing. Do note that if you use all the 4 types of products in Magento you'll have to edit all 4 .phmtl files.

Now here's something a little advanced.

What if we want to do something special for certain products? Like a new hot product, but needs a special message like "Available in 2 days, check back soon!" instead of "Out of stock"?.

You can create a custom attribute to be tagged to all your product types. For example, I'll create "product_sale_status" attribute with the "normal" and "special" options.

All I have changed is:

if($_product->isSaleable()): ?>

to:

if($_product->isSaleable() && $_product->getData('product_sale_status') != 152): ?>

So on the product pages, if you wish to have a custom message, all you have to do is to select the product status to "Special" and enter your custom text in the appropriate places (I'm using Comparison Chart Link field). Note: To get the data number 152, use an php echo on the getData('product_sale_status') somewhere, preferably HTML commented.

Have fun!

Psyched up!

2010-08-07T21:23:00.002+08:00

A boring saturday... I'm glad I didn't spend it on sleeping till 5pm as I usually dota with David and gang till the sun almost rises.

Looking at what I've been through for the time since I broke up with Elinna, I have been working hard at improving myself. Though my determination has lapsed, I have always begun getting inspiration from animes like Naruto and Hajime No Ippo, when they self encourage and work really hard.

Rewatching Hajime No Ippo is also spurring me on to work hard on training. It was also one of the reasons why I chose boxing over other martial arts. I have to continue working hard in my life... Getting a raise (although it's two months late, can I get a reimbursement? :P ) and also most likely going to be fighting in an amateur match this December.

I want to be like Ippo, continuously training hard and being encouraged but it seems like I'm way past my age at 25. Besides Singapore doesn't have pro-boxing anyway. Still, I hope to become good at it, I need to train! I have about 4 months to train, so I'll need to work hard. WORK HARD!

Still, being lonely and single kinds of irk me. I'll work hard, for the sake of looking back and saying that I didn't waste my time. My determination has always been up and down, now it's the time to be up again!

Hope I didn't decide to be an infighter from watching Hajime No Ippo, but it doesn't feel like I am an outfighter since all the training anyway. The training time I have is also comparatively little, Ippo trains from day to night while I train for only 2 hours per session.

Let's work hard, Monday is National Day and I'll most likely be alone. Time to train!

I'll show you, you know who you are. You might have stopped caring about how I am doing since then, but I'll live my live shining. I'll make you regret betting on the wrong man.

A day of rest

2010-07-14T19:27:00.003+08:00

Hi my dear blog. I have taken a day of rest, feels weird to skip training.

Usually I always have something on after work, meeting someone, training.

Now that I am free to do whatever I want from 7.30pm till sleep time, it's starting to feel unusual.

I dreamt a strange dream. It was about her, about us talking about me waiting for her. The content of the dream wasn't strange, it was somewhat a norm. Usually it's either we're talking about being back together or not being back together. Does my inner heart really want to be back with her?

I can honestly say that I will love her all my life. But the love is not strong enough to want to be back together. Emotion says yes, logic says "If you're not going to change, I'll never agree to it".

I really do love her, however her character irks me. Her refusal to change for the better, her unrelenting grip on her pride all suggests to me "it's never going to work".

However enough indulgence of fond memories and possibilities.

The main strange occurrence in the dream was that, the girl wasn't her. It wasn't her face, it was another beautiful normal looking girl. And her brother (in the dream) was my friends' brother. I was already confused in the dream. It's like watching the same drama except the actors have changed. (It) Looked really strange to me.

However, I am really looking forward to see if this girl appears in real life. She looks real, just like a normal Chinese female. I would love to woo her if I ever meet her. Though the contents of the dream was more about not being together so it kinds of foreshadows the notion.

On the other hand, I'm always playing games because there's no one to pay any attention to me. She in the past didn't pay much attention to me, did what she always wanted to. I don't think she ever noticed that I didn't touch my PSP or NDS when we went out to somewhere I wanted to, someplace I longed to. Why did I have to play the loser, why did I have to play the boyfriend who was insufficient? I guess I'll go down in official history amongst those who knew the both of us. Who gives a fuck? I do. But due to my nature, I'll just wait passively for the day karma throws her the same bullshit. I long to see that day happen.

Today, I went to help out in the warehouse. Looking at the whole thing, I actually put in effort to remain anonymous. Why do I always want to remain anonymous? I pitched in, helped by doing things fast. Did anyone notice? Who gives a fuck about Nathaniel anyway. Did you? At this time when you are reading my blog, on the 14th of July, did you give a fuck about who I am, what I did, was I an important person in your life etc etc? (I) Didn't think so.

Loneliness engulfs me. Yet I prefer to remain unnoticed. I only long to be noticed by my efforts, by my hard work, by someone who truly loves me and cares for me. As I was parking my motorcycle, I even began thinking of the notion of having a voice in my head that cared. Imagine having a sweet female voice that encourages you when you're down, chats with you just like a caring girlfriend or spouse. Other than not being able to interact physically, it's going to be like she truly knows when you are happy or when you are sad.

I just wonder if I will develop any mental symptoms or weird stuff like hearing voices or being schizophrenic. Maybe my true self will emerge as another character. Sounds like fun in a way. Like an angel or demon within yourself. I definitely hope not though. That means living an abnormal life, though I already think I am not of the norm. I grew up being a recluse and began to be more of a recluse when I get mocked by people for moving out of the shell. That happened in primary school. Was it a trauma? Yes definitely.

This seems like a long story that I am typing today. Why it's only 7.44pm. I'm sitting in my room and not doing a thing except feeling hungry and sleepy. I'm pathetic. I began to doubt my own faith, Christianity and God in some ways. I'm going through a terrible phase in my life.

The pain is starting to flow back. Whenever I'm tired or in a really stressed situation, I start getting emotional and think of all the hurts and pains of the previous relationship. The biggest question I will always be asking is "Why?". "Why do I have to bear this burden while you continue living a life that looks greener on the other side?".

"I put in so much into this relationship and you threw in all away in less than 3 months. 8 years thrown away in 3 months. All you could say that 'It just happened' and 'You shouldn't have agreed to the breakup.'."

Do I deserve this? And do you deserve your happiness? It's true, the one that puts more into the relationship is hurt more than the other.

I hope you suffer an emotional pain as excruciating and torturous as you have gave me. Though I doubt that you have the mental fortitude to bear it just as I have.

Please, let me see it with my own eyes when the day comes.

Weekends and my dreary existence

2010-07-10T20:14:00.003+08:00

Another dreary weekend.

I feel non-existent, like I'm forgotten by the world.

Today is only the 10th. I'm not sure how I can survive until the end of August.

Also, in truth I'm not ready for another relationship. I just want someone to understand me, to hold me, to spend time with me.

I'm not ready for another girl, I haven't shook off the fear of another break up yet.

It's like, what if, I enter another relationship only to have to break up again? It's the equivalent of strapping a time bomb to my fragile heart. It's already wounded, need I place it in the line of danger again?

Existence seems to be near meaningless for me. Relax my dear blog, suicide is never an option to me. I intend to see through this life, no matter how meaningless it feels right now. I love food, I love singing, I love games (though it's a tad of waste of time), I love girls ;P (my partner I mean, I'm not exactly a Casanova, though I'm single now).

I look up to the sky at times and wonder, how little and insignificant am I. Even if I were to die right now (for some reason), would friends mourn me? I know they would. The real question is what would the difference be for me to be alive or dead. How would I affect their lives after my death? I wouldn't be missed really, due to my reclusive nature. Friends usually know me as someone whom can be depended on but not when you're looking for someone to chat with, someone to fellowship with or to go out with.

In that sense I am non-existent until a friend remembers me because of old times sake or if they need help in which I have the expertise. Does it matter even if I accomplish something great in my life? If it isn't great enough to impact others why does it matter? I feel dead though alive, feeding only the mortal shell that strives to live till tomorrow and then it goes again in a cycle.

I hope I have something good or positive to blog about, though I doubt it. Even progress seems to wane in meaning, fade to black and white in the face and presence of loneliness.

Oh my empty soul, what ends do you seek? What purpose drives your birth and journey to the end? Tell me, Nathaniel, tell me.

Been's a while

2010-07-09T12:21:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I've last posted something.

I have decided to return, since I don't really like the idea of posting everything on Facebook or somewhere similar.

I would just like to pen my thoughts, yet too lazy to write in a diary.

Seems like this personal blog would be a good place to start.

Have joined a boxing gym since I returned from reservist.

You can check it out at singapore-boxing.com.

I noticed my frame getting slightly bigger, maybe due to the shoulders, since I have to train my shoulders for punching stamina/power. It has been a month since.

The coach shocked me by asking if I was ready for my next fight. Most likely there will be one in December.

I'm not really a fan of hurting people, though the thought of adrenaline pumping in a fight excites me.

I've improved my running stamina as well (for a 2.4km run after 30 minutes of warm up, skipping mainly), from 14 minutes to 10 minutes 43 seconds. I'm looking to hit the 9 minute mark just like my peak.

I'm reserving my thoughts and refraining from thinking that I'll be faster without the warm up.

If I can hit the 9 minute mark with the warm up exercises, then even without I should manage.

Still, I'm currently improving on my punching form. Next would be weaving stamina and punching stamina.

I only have about 5 months until my debut novice match.

Here's how I have improved over the month:

Running stamina

Forearm and finger strength (My injured pinky was hurting in the first few sessions, now no longer)

Footwork

Every training seems to help me in releasing some stress and anger and I've begun to foster an attachment to the gym. Mostly I have been taking advice from Coach Dick, Coach Kadir seems to be pretty busy most of the time.

7-8 hours of sleep doesn't seem to be enough, I guess it's just my body complaining. It should get better in a month or two after my stamina really climbs.

Saw a huge rainbow as well, wasn't really excited though I was hoping to have someone by my side to look at it with.

Tried to know a girl recently as well but she's attached, so why did Adriel introduce her in the first place :|

Got pretty upset when the old memories come back. What did I do to deserve this? I'm hoping and still waiting for justice to be done.

Gotten in pretty bad financial status as well, used up my advanced salary (because I thought it to be my commission) and commission has ceased since February.

Oh well... sucking it up and pushing on.

Hope to be able to improve myself further, like getting a nice body and posting videos of me singing and stuff. Not enough motivation and confidence for that yet.

See you soon blog.

How to set the decimal points or decimals in Magento

2010-06-03T13:41:00.003+08:00

I was screwing around with Magento to attempt on getting the decimal places to work.

Searching online, I found a solution: to edit a particular line of code in /public_html/lib/Zend/Currency.php.

All you have to do is to change line 62, "'precision' => 2" to "'precision' => 0" or to a number that you want. However this solution is purely hard-coded.

What if you have multiple websites that uses the same Magento system?

Here's the solution to it, I have created some code to assign the precision value:

*** WARNING: Perform a backup of Currency.php in the event something goes wrong! ***

- Firstly, open up /public_html/lib/Zend/Currency.php

-Add this line of code after around line 90, you should see several similar lines like:

$this->_options

Code to add

$this->_options['precision'] = self::getPrecision($currency, $this->_locale);

-Next, just add in the next block of code within the class itself. If you're not sure where to put it, you can just paste it just before the lines of code above

public function toCurrency

Here's the code:

public function getPrecision($currency = null, $locale = null)

{

if (($currency === null) and ($locale === null)) {

return $this->_options['symbol'];

}

$params = self::_checkParams($currency, $locale);

//get the precision

$format = Zend_Locale_Data::getContent($locale, 'currencynumber');

iconv_set_encoding('internal_encoding', 'UTF-8');

if (iconv_strpos($format, ';')) {

$format = iconv_substr($format, 0, iconv_strpos($format, ';'));

}

//knowing the number of digits after the decimal point

if (iconv_strpos($format, '.') == null) {

$precision = 0;

} else {

$precision = iconv_strlen($format)- 1 - iconv_strpos($format, '.');

}

return $precision;

}

- Next, save your Currency.php file and upload it back to /public_html/lib/Zend

- Lastly, edit the appropriate xml files to have the decimals set.

For example, here's the code for en_AU.xml which I am currently testing on.

Note that I have changed the angle brackets to square brackets for documentation purposes on a blog.

[?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" ?]

[!DOCTYPE ldml SYSTEM "http://www.unicode.org/cldr/dtd/1.5/ldml.dtd"]

[ldml]

[identity]

[version number="$Revision: 1.46 $"/]

[generation date="$Date: 2007/08/21 16:11:36 $"/]

[language type="en"/]

[territory type="AU"/]

[/identity]

[numbers]

[currencyFormats]

[currencyFormatLength]

[currencyFormat]

[pattern]Â¤#,##0.00[/pattern]

[/currencyFormat]

[/currencyFormatLength]

[/currencyFormats]

[/numbers]

[/ldml]

Chords: 陈伟联 - 我只在乎你

2010-02-12T14:37:00.003+08:00

Youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdM7hBvewSE&feature=related

Intro
C Em Dm G

C Em Am Em
如果沒有遇見你　我將會是在那裡
F Em Dm G
日子過得怎麼樣　人生是否要珍惜
C G Am Em
也許認識某一人　過著平凡的日子
F C Dm G
不知道會不會　也有愛情甜如蜜

C Am
任時光匆匆流去　我只在乎你
C Am
心甘情願感染你的氣息
F Em Am
人生幾何　能夠得到知己
Dm G E
失去生命的力量也不可惜

Am Am/G# Am/G D/F#
所以我求求你　別讓我離開你
C Em Am Dm G C
除了你我不能感到一絲絲情意

C Em Am Em
如果有那麼一天　你說即將要離去
F Em Dm G
我會迷失我自己　走入無邊人海裡
C G Am Em
不要什麼諾言　只要天天在一起
F C Dm G
我不能只依靠　片片回憶活下去

Warcraft Version Switcher + 1.24d

2010-01-28T12:06:00.003+08:00

Hey, in case anyone needs the Warcraft 3 Version Switcher, here it is...

Warcraft Version Switcher
Warcraft TFT 1.24d
Warcraft TFT 1.24c

Moving on...

2010-01-20T03:19:00.002+08:00

Hey blog...

Haven't been posting on you... No one reads anyway... I hope to be reading you in the future when my memory goes bad...

Anyway... I have been moving on with life, everything is moving on other than I'm romantically zero. Single-hood and no target in sight. Not that I'm actively looking, I'm not in the mood for it anyway. I don't move on as fast as Ms. Toh. That's less than 3 months.

I'm quite tempted to see her latest updates on Facebook... Very very tempted but I shall not. It brings back the pain in a way... She dropped me for financial reasons, not that she's materialistic but she has a bad shadow or trauma on poverty. Can't say I blame her but she's not being sensible or having a common sense.

When she wasn't doing well in her insurance I had to lend her cash occasionally. I even paid for most of her laptop and then she almost wanted to buy a car. Imagine the financial burden and outlook at that point of her insurance career. Did I drop her for financial reasons? Definitely not...

Of course it almost evened out later when I was still looking for a job in the economic depression.

Looking at my point in life right now, I'm much better off. Financially, materialistically, physically. Romantically zero. Not that I'm looking for a relationship but it's like I've gained a lot more but lost happiness. Not that there will be much happiness if we didn't break up, but I've definitely lost happiness.

Time to move on, I have a schedule meet, improvements to work on. I just need to move on with motivation and positivity. But the human, the carnal and emotional me wishes for Ms. Toh to suffer once what she has made me suffer through.

Evil? Vengeance? Hell hath no fury like a human betrayed and scorned. Of course that is bullshit, I'm not that evil, I just want her to stop standing on her tower of pride. That tower of pride has stood between us since a long time ago. And my only wish is to see the proud humbled.

God grant me this wish.

Sleeping woes

2010-01-07T08:04:00.002+08:00

Been taking power naps in exchange for my sleeplessness in the day...

Of course I do my work... I come in early to do work before I touch my power naps.

In any case, even naps are kind of screwed up... I'll fall asleep inconsistently.
It'll be like a semi-conscious state where you are resting able to perceive auditory information yet rest. Yet it is not a complete rest...

Anyway I had a dream of her again. In this dream I was in a car with her, where she needed my help to do some mundane chore (pick up her auntie from the airport) even though we have broken up and stuff. So I sort of confronted her and asked her many questions that I would have asked if she were to seek me out for a talk.

Fucking dream felt real and waking up just leaves me confused and tired.

Fitness and Hunkness in 7 months

2010-01-07T07:41:00.002+08:00

I've 'concocted'/drew up a 7 month plan for my bodybuilding journey, set to end by July 2010.

Originally slated to end by Dec 18 2010, I have actually calculated it to end by July 2010 because of IPPT, I will have to do the actual training.

For example, currently I'm doing jump ropes instead of running. When my training regime ends, I will be doing the running and chin ups etc instead of weight training and jump ropes etc.

Most likely I will have passed IPPT because there is an ICT in April. No matter, my training is for CDO gold so press on!!!

Right now all I need is to take a before/after photo... Need to get a nice 'before' photo haha...

To 2010 and beyond!

2010-01-06T06:08:00.003+08:00

Hi my dear blog.

It's the first post of 2010...
Many things happened last year... and many more will happen this year. Good or bad, it will come.

I am currently heading on to complete Project Hunk in time for Dec 18 2010 and some other stuff...

I went back to church, through a friend who was there for me at the right time...

I'm also silently waiting for the time of reprisal, a time of revenge, though it's not right to be doing that, but I have every right to do so after being thrown away and left to die emotionally. I want YOU to feel that pain. Until then, like my friend Serene says, I should live my life better and improve it to the point where Ms Toh will regret her decision, as a form of revenge. Or maybe I misunderstood what Serene has said but I'm partially blinded by revenge.

Woops a long line on revenge... Let's not lose focus on my own personal life.

Exercise and work, let's go. Keep the money rolling in, even if it's little by little... I still have the installments on Kaelyn to finish.

Strange Sensation

2009-12-22T19:22:00.002+08:00

I just had a dream... A dream that I've dreamed of many years ago while I was in secondary school. While I was aged about 12-16. I'm now 24.

Strange thing is, many memories of other dreams that I have before all came up, I started to remember many other dreams...

I started to remember people during that time. The strange thing is, are those people real? I had a couple of people whom I had a very thin friendship with. I was their CCA senior in library. Those people were vaguely familiar.

The question: There is a girl in my memory but extremely hazy (not that I have any deep relationship or liking whatsoever) that was tomboyish and very dark skinned for a Chinese. I think I called her Chao Da or something. Is this person real? Am I starting to lose the difference between a dream and reality? In my hazy memory, sometimes I walked part of the way home with her before parting, because I stayed near school.

I have asked this question several times but, is she real? I'm not concerned with who she is or will I have a chance to meet her. But is she real? Am I starting to grow an inner self/getting schizophrenic? Or have I merely suppressed my secondary school memories?

Being in a half asleep yet consciously awake is like having my conscious mind linked briefly to my sub conscious. It feels terribly real and yet terribly just like an illusion. I felt like I lost my mind back there. In the future I might want to get a psychiatric evaluation or hypnosis to pull out my memories.

A letter to my first love

2009-12-22T15:27:00.004+08:00

Thus details the chaotic waves of emotion that has plunged me to the depths of hell and back many a time:

After you have left me, my heart was full on many accounts.

When my heart was full of love, I prayed for you to turn back so that I could love you once more.
When my heart was full of hatred, I prayed for you to turn back so that I could make you feel the pain that you left me behind with.

Now that my heart is empty though laced with regret, I pray for you not to turn back; For if you do, I neither have the heart to love you once again, nor the heart to hurt you by turning you away.

For if you do come back, I will only be facing my conscience of hurting your heart when I don't have the intention to.

Go forth and live life in bliss, turn back not, not for me.

~Nathaniel

Alone in the dark

2009-12-15T01:51:00.003+08:00

Work work... Working as usual...
Took a coffee break.

Sat in a corner in the recreational area and drank my coffee.
When it's dark and I'm alone in the office, my thoughts start to run wild...
No not about ghosts and stuff... I don't get to see those anyway...

I start thinking about Elinna and the relationship again. I also saw her online but what can I do? I can't message her anyway. She told me to stop contacting her.

Sitting there with my coffee and running wild in my head about thinking about her and why this, why that...

It only happens when I'm alone by myself in the dark. When people starts flooding into the office I become normal again... Or maybe I have to act normal... Not sure...

I just know that people don't really give a damn about other people because everyone is busy with their own lives. Yeah so... work work...

Trying to move on but stuff just comes back to haunt me daily...

I see you in my dreams

2009-12-12T07:54:00.002+08:00

I still have that hate message on my MSN.
I'm leaving it there so that when you read it, you can move on without me.

But it's funny...
I still love and miss you.
I had a dream of you today.
We were at a water theme park playing.
We were having fun.

It's funny how my conscious mind doesn't tell me I'm dreaming.
Perhaps it's because I wanted it that way.
Thank you God for letting me love Elinna in my dreams.

But I'm awake now. Missing you.

My sad love story explained in 30 seconds

2009-12-10T06:19:00.001+08:00

Woman knows man for 4 months and falling in love with him: Such a sweet love story
Woman is together with man for 4 months before staying over for the night: Such deep love
Woman does all these 3 months after a failed relationship: The will to move on from failures
Woman does all these 3 months after a failed 8 year relationship: Strong will to move on from failures
Finding out about all these 6 months after the breakup when you're the ex and trying to patch: Fucking priceless
~My sad love story explained in 30 seconds~

Keeping the pain in...

2009-12-04T02:20:00.002+08:00

How does it feel to be really really hurt?
How does it feel to be really really hurt and no one knows?
How does it feel to be really really hurt and no one knows and cares?
How does it feel when the love of your live moves on ahead without you?
How does it feel when you're waiting quietly for someone to turn back and instead all you find are memories and new futures?

Guess I'll just sit here and wait...
Until my patience fails...
Until my toughness falls...
Until my dignity tells me to lose it all...

But until then... I'll be waiting...
Like I have been waiting from even it all began...
Just quietly sitting by and waiting for you to turn back.