Maeve's Momma: Thoughts on Motherhood

Life's Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sat, 22 Oct 2016 00:18:00 +0000

Life continues to prepare me for more of itself.

As I help a little boy who struggles with paying attention and has constant meltdowns in his kindergarten class, I am struck again and again by how life has prepared me for just this moment.

I could not have helped this little guy at all without the years of rigorous training which Maeve has put me through. She gave me a hundred different tools to help with meltdowns, distractions, peer problems, and anger. Nothing was a magic bullet with her, but because of that, I learned so many different ideas and hints.

And I learned what not to do. That instead of ignoring meltdowns, sometimes comforting is advisable. That anger can be turned aside with breathing, with laughter, with distraction, with recognition. That big feelings are not a crime, they just need to find their safe outlet.

Without Maeve, I could not be of as much use at my job as I currently am. This little boy's father has asked for my contact information as he walks through the difficult valley of diagnosis, IEP, and school interventions. I don't know everything, but boy, have I been there. And boy, am I ever happy to help however I can.

I am overwhelmed with the beauty of this one precious and tender life we live. How what we are given, overwhelming though it is, can be a gift to another. If I had known, on my hardest days with Maeve, that I would find another use for these hard-won skills, it would have been an immense encouragement. As it is, I feel such deep gratitude.

Sweetness

Funny Circles

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 16:02:00 +0000

Life takes me in funny circles, sometimes.

For instance, today I started a job for a school district I worked for well before Maeve was born. As I recall, I quit in 2008. I had been a substitute teacher and had grown to utterly despise the work. The kids were wearing on me. Anyone who has been a sub knows just how unrewarding and truly unlike teaching that job is.

So for the time, I abandoned all hope of working in a school again. I worked at various small businesses, even a legal firm, and basically put education out of my head entirely.

But then my Maeve came along, and I had my hands full with parenting. Absolutely brimming full. I took various part time jobs once Maeve was old enough to come with me or leave with someone, but nothing that took up more than 15-20 hours a week, and usually considerably less.

Lo and behold, the tiny baby girl is now in school all day. I've been casting around, applying at libraries and taking up more responsibility at my super cool small business job and my work-from-home job, and was feeling content.

Suddenly, all parents got an email home that the school was hiring paraprofessionals (or teacher's aides, as some call them). I immediately applied, breathless with excitement. Could I really end up back in a classroom again? Helping teachers, who are generally some of my favorite people? At my daughter's school?

Well, yes, I can. I'll be heading over to the school in just half an hour. Lucky me! Back where I started, back for what I studied for (kind of), back with what matters. Awesome.

And I get to be nearer to this little darling.

Gymnastics: A New Adventure

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 12:20:00 +0000

So last night we tried something entirely new to Maeve; I enrolled her in a gymnastics class.

And you should have seen the look of sheer ecstasy on that girl's face for the entire hour of the class. She was bouncing with excitement, bursting at the seams to try every new thing. The class had a lot of running, unstructured time to use the equipment, and so many new things to try. And she grinned like a Cheshire cat, every single second.

So that's a definite yes, we went ahead and enrolled her. (It's nice that this place gives you a free trial class, but in our case, it was like a gateway drug and she had to have MORE!) While we're waiting for our marvelous yoga teacher to find a new studio and offer classes again, this seems like a winner.

It was incredible watching her last night, as she gamely gave a shot to fifteen things she'd never done before, in a room full of peers she didn't know and teachers she'd just met. This is not a small thing for my daughter. But she jumped at the chance.

I love it when she surprises me.

I mean, she does love going out on a limb ;)

Like Locked Doors

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 13:00:00 +0000

One of my friends was telling me she misses my blog here, and so do I, in truth. I don't want to write much about Maeve (or, I do, but I feel I owe it to her to preserve her privacy) but there are still plenty of things for me to write about.

For one thing, now that Maeve's in school all day, I suddenly have time to myself again. I feel like I'm waking from a long sleep, and have to figure out all over again who I want to be in this world full of adults.

I thought I wanted to work at a library, and I still do, but yesterday I found out I didn't get the position I applied for - despite doing what I believed was one of the best interviews of my life. It's disheartening to find that doing one's utter best in an interview doesn't necessarily correlate to being awarded a position. But I hear library jobs are highly competitive, which makes sense, because it's possibly one of the coolest places to work on Earth.

So now I'm doing VA (virtual assistant) work and also have taken a leadership position at my awesome kitchen retail job, which are both super cool, but neither gives me a sense of purpose, of who I am.

I know that lots of people don't find their sense of purpose or self at work, and it's not exactly new, but I still feel like I've emerged from a cocoon (of being "just a mom") and I'm looking around trying to find a mirror to see what I look like, what I am now. And nothing yet is giving me that picture clearly.

But as Rilke chides us, I am trying to be patient with the questions in my life, like locked doors or books written in a very foreign language.

Principles

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Thu, 07 Jul 2016 13:46:00 +0000

I don't know how to write about this.

I didn't know how to explain it yesterday.

But Maeve and I were discussing religion, and she wanted to know what we Unitarian Universalists believe, so I was giving her the rundown on the Seven Principles which the kids are taught in a simple song. I went through each one, explaining it, seeing what Maeve thought about each of the ideas.

I got to "Work for a peaceful world" and she didn't understand what that meant.

So I tried to explain all the ways I, personally, and our church work for peace in the world.

Which led me to our work with the Black Lives Matter movement.

Which got me started explaining, briefly, the history of racism in this country and its effects today.

Which had me trying to explain who is it that thinks that black lives do not matter.

And all of a sudden I realize, how do I tell her that police are both the people she should find when she needs help, and a force that has so often taken the lives of innocent (or at least not found guilty by a jury) black citizens.

I don't know that she's old enough for that conversation.

I'm not sure that I am, either.

Our England Trip - Goats and Sheep

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 17:03:00 +0000

Foxgloves! Maeve pointed out they should be called Mourning-Dove-Gloves, since they're too small for foxes.

Grandma Nancy and the Billy

Unsuspecting sheep

Billy attempts to head butt his way out of a gate

Maeve feeds the Billy some grass

Billy believes in head butting

Our England Trip - the River

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 16:53:00 +0000

We took a paddleboat up the river from Runnymeade

Some of us were excited to get started

Messing about in boats

Here we go!

Beautiful homes along the river

And beautiful houseboats!

She loved being on the boat - a natural

Teasing Grandpa

Unimpressed by royalty

Playing in the field with Grandma. To my great relief, she didn't notice the bouncy castle in the distance.

Two fancy gals

After the river? Pizza. Happy gals.

At the end of the day she still had energy for bubbles

Our England Trip - Day 2

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 16:48:00 +0000

Jumping in puddles at the garden store

Good thing we brought wellies!

Grandma Nancy asked us to pick out flowers for her planter.

Turned out pretty!

Sweetness

Maeve took a picture of her bed at Grandma and Grandpa's house

Our England Trip - Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 16:44:00 +0000

Day 1: The flight over, and feeding the chickens

Eating her McDonalds at the airport

She took a pic of me eating my Panda Express

So excited for takeoff!!!

Once we got to England, Maeve immediately explored everything. Including the shed.

Goofy pic of Grandpa

Visiting the chickens!

Maeve touched the chicken - much braver than I.

Maeve's Advice and Doings

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sat, 07 May 2016 12:23:00 +0000

Maeve is, lately, in the habit of giving out advice. Not specific advice targeted to me, or anyone, specifically, but just sort of general aphorisms. She often bases them on television shows, books, or songs. Yesterday, she said to me, Mom, you know, it's good advice not to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. I mused on her words and told her I wholeheartedly agreed. But I did feel a little giggle inside.

Here it is, almost Mother's day, and I've put my usual stipulation in place, that I will not do any cooking on Sunday. But also this year I'm taking a day off my usual duties at church. So Sunday will be truly 100% restful for me! Daddy has even offered to make a new dinner tomorrow night and I can't wait to see what it will be!

Maeve has been singing a little song, lately, which she informs me will be sung by all the children at Kindergarten graduation. So, be prepared for me to bring a whole box of kleenex to her graduation in a few weeks. I am going to cry like a mother, which is to say, a lot, but with a smile on my face.

Having a snack at the park

Some of us get a little silly...

Six!

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Thu, 28 Apr 2016 18:25:00 +0000

This weekend, my itty bitty baby is going to turn six. Six! And we're of course going hog wild with a Pokemon/Bubble party on Saturday and planning many fun activities to celebrate.

But how did she get to be six? I swear that just a few days ago she looked like this.

Well, I guess we got here one year at a time. But Oh my goodness, that little face. I've loved it every day, and every day it changes! Now she's over four feet tall, can do so many new things that I lose track, and reads like a champion! I am constantly challenged and amazed by her, and she makes me laugh all the time. No adventure in my life comes close to taking care of this nutty little sweetheart.

It's Like a New Job

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 16:07:00 +0000

I was recently speaking to my pastor about how hard parenting has been for me, and I told her, "It's been like not knowing whether or not I'm starting a new job, with an entirely new set of skills and expectations, every day. I may have to start completely over, or it may be nearly the same job as yesterday. It's the not knowing that gets me."

And it's such a good metaphor. For example, on Saturday, I had my husband's help getting my new bike set up; the seat adjusted, etc. Once it was ready to go, I invited my daughter to ride with me. She was on her scooter, I was on my bike, and we enjoyed breezing along together.

Until she started shrieking in terror. She hopped off her scooter and clung to me, screaming. And I'm racking my brain, what could have set her off? She didn't fall...

Turns out it was flies. Tiny, itty bitty spring flies. She's now afraid of them. She wasn't last week, but now she is, and now my spring and summer are going to be, well, more interesting.

And so now my job description includes being on the lookout for, and protecting my daughter from tiny flies. Along with everything else.

Also? Now bedtime has become a huge war again. It's my fault. I told one of her doctors that bedtime had been going much better lately. Oh Lord. When will I learn not to speak of my child's positive sleep habits? It's the worst jinx.

So, that's my life at the moment. But on the upside? I have a new bike. Pretty sweet.

As She Grows

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 13:44:00 +0000

One thing that's a challenge about having a growing, elementary-aged kiddo is that she is getting bigger and stronger all the time. Things I sometimes think are totally beyond her are actually not hard for her at all. It's hard to grow my ideas about her as quickly as she herself is growing.

For example, on our recent vacation, we took a break at a rest stop that had an empty train car for kids to play in. She quickly shimmied up the ladder and before I could even caution her not to, she jumped across the raised area of the car from one side to the other, effortlessly. So I shrugged and let her go at it. There was a pole about five feet off the ground from which she was swinging, and just as I asked her if she wanted help down, she swung once, twice, three times, and jumped, landing on her feet.

I realized I had to adjust my ideas of what she's capable of. And that applies to more than climbing around like a monkey.

She also reads better than I think she does, and is growing by leaps and bounds in that area. She can solve math problems in ways I never imagined. This is not to say that homework and school are not giant struggles, they still are, but once she gets to what she's doing, she amazes me.

I never want to be the mother that underestimates her daughter, but it's easy to do, considering she is growing and changing all the time! I just have to remember that I really have no idea what she's capable of. And that's an amazing thing!

Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 20:49:00 +0000

You may have noticed a serious slowdown in my posts on this page, and you might think it's because now that Maeve is in school, I have less time for this. Maybe you know I'm spending a lot of time working for different committees at my church, and have taken on a part time work-from-home position for a friend's life coaching company. And that's all a part of it.

But the truth is, now that my daughter is older, these aren't my stories anymore. They're hers. And I don't feel like I necessarily have the right to tell her stories anymore. Even when I write about how I'm feeling about these parenting moments, my story is so bound up with hers that I don't know how to tell my story without telling hers.

Anyway, I'm trying to find the balance with what I want to share, with what's fair to talk about and what's just not mine. There are big changes coming to us this year, with a new school in the fall and friends moving away this spring. I am struggling with a lot of things, and celebrating others, and I'm sorry that I don't write here as much anymore.

Please know that I have loved writing here, and I will still do so, when the moment is right. And thank you for your patience, and for sticking with me all these years.

- Maeve's Momma

Goodbye Grandpa Buzz

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 12:48:00 +0000

I did not expect to write this today, but I knew it was coming.

My darling grandfather passed away yesterday, peacefully, with his daughter by his side. He was, I believe, either 95 or 96, quite a respectful age for anyone to reach, and he had lived a beautiful life. Human, fraught with the usual weaknesses, but beautiful and amazing, nonetheless.

Buzz was a person you would like to have met. He was born in Hoisington, Kansas, and had a sister, Beatrice. I won't tell you what Buzz' real name was, because he really hated it, but suffice it to say that Buzz always fit him better.

If I'm not mistaken, he flew planes for the Navy during the second world war. He did not serve overseas, he delivered finished planes from factories out East to the naval base in California. Buzz loved being a pilot, and was always passionate about flying.

While in California, he met my beautiful grandmother, Jean, who was a nurse, and also served in the armed forces. He wooed her by playing his guitar under her window, and even though she had been engaged to someone else, she broke it off and married Buzz soon after. He used to take her out dancing nearly every week, where they showed off their jitterbug skills.

After the war, they eventually moved to Pueblo and started their family. My aunts Rebecca and Abigail were born, and much later, my father came along. Buzz became a businessman of great acumen, selling, among other products, his favorite condiment, Tabasco sauce. He famously put it on almost everything he ate, and even brought some to his nursing home.

When my brother and I were young, Grandpa had retired from business, but was an avid amateur journalist, often submitting his work to local newspapers. He arranged music for his church choir on his home keyboard, which he practiced daily. He loved to tease his grandkids, telling us that if we ever saw such a thing as a white horse, he would take us all to Dairy Queen. When we reported having seen one, he disbelieved our story and would argue that we must have seen an 'albino zebra' or a 'pygmy albino giraffe'. But sometimes Grandma would make him live up to his side of the bargain and off to DQ we'd go.

We loved visiting Buzz and Jean at their home in Escondido, CA where they lived in the winter months. I have many blissful memories of leaving Colorado blizzards for California sunshine, and getting to go to Disneyland, which we surely would never have been able to do without them.

After my grandmother passed away in 2001, Buzz continued on. We know he missed her terribly, as we all did, but he kept busy, kept on making a life for himself. He eventually moved back to Pueblo, and found great kindness in the attention of his daughter Abigail, and all the Pueblo kin, who did their best to care for him and show their love. I am so grateful to my aunts, both, for the love and kindness they showed by looking after Buzz and making sure he had everything he needed.

The last time I saw my Grandpa, he told me several times that I looked wonderful. He didn't have his glasses on, and I thought, how can he tell? But I think he meant that seeing me felt wonderful to him, and the feeling was mutual. Buzz loved me enormously, was proud of my husband and always wanted to hear updates about his business, and even did his best to play with Maeve, even though there were 90 years between them. Buzz was a man of great warmth and kindness, and I'm so lucky to have had him in my life all these years.

New School, New Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sun, 21 Feb 2016 13:09:00 +0000

So, it's been a very difficult first year of school for Maeve. We've struggled so much with Maeve's behavior at school, with doing homework, with a hundred things that make my daughter beg me not to make her go to school every morning. Which is like a knife in my gut. I've started making peace with the idea that school may never be to Maeve what it was to me; a place to shine, be noticed, to feel competent and talented.

But I have big hopes for next year.

Because next year, I'm sending Maeve to a different school.

It's an arts integration charter school that's opening in our district in the fall, and I have every hope that it will make school a fun, exciting place for Maeve to learn and grow. Now, if you're like me, you've never heard of an arts integration school, and you haven't any idea what that looks like. But I saw demonstrations of some of the types of lessons they do, and wow. It's exactly what I would do if I were in charge of making up a curriculum. They teach students by making up songs, dances, movements, art projects, photography projects, skits. All the things that really work to help kids learn.

They also offer a really vast set of 'specials', including world dance, theater, media production, and violin, as well as the usual PE, art, music, etc. Now, just thinking back to this year and how I've seen Maeve fall in love with dance and yoga, I know this school will be a big hit with her.

It makes me a little crazy that it's a charter school, as I've always told people that charter schools are against my religion. I have concerns about how they pull money away from public schools, and how quickly they tend to burn out new teachers. But everything about raising Maeve thus far has taught me that clinging to my principles is a great way to go insane. School is about what she needs, not about my ideals. So we will, with any luck, begin that new journey in the fall if she is accepted.

I hope so much that this darling little nerd will love it there.

Just Once

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 14:05:00 +0000

Husband and I were talking the other night, after watching an episode of Master of None, about how we never ever want to be in the dating world again. It's like that scene in When Harry Met Sally when the best friends are in bed together and Carry Fisher's character says, "Promise me I'll never have to be 'out there' again". We never want to do that again. The dating world now is nothing like when we got together, and I think we'd both be really lost for a long time.

And as we talked we decided we were going to do all the crazy things once. Like, we bought one house, we got married one time, we're having one kid, that's it. Never again on any of those.

Part of it is truly that we're so happy with the way things are, with how our beautiful lives turned out, that we don't want to do anything to damage the status quo. It's a great status, really, to have a home you love, a partner you trust, a kid who makes you laugh. That's enough, we don't need any more.

Our hearts are full, as it is.

Things Are Better

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 13:19:00 +0000

It's a wonderful, if disorienting feeling, to come out the other side of a long, dark tunnel. I feel like that's what's happening around here, even though I know it's not exactly the end of tunnels for us.

But we've at least temporarily solved a few of our stickiest problems. We've circumvented most of her bedtime frustration - and had good bedtimes six out of seven nights last week. Somehow she's done really well leaving playdates, without any major changes or ideas from me. I've even just this week implemented some extra tools to help her do better at school, and so far they seem to be working.

I've been reading some books which are helping enormously; one of them has my new mantra in it. Here goes: If our children could do better, they would. Which is not to say we should give up, just that when we give our children the tools to improve their behavior, they often do.

This one is helping, too.

Anyway, I just wanted to report that things are improving around here. Thanks to all of your for your kind words, support, and the time you took to tell me it was going to be okay, that you knew we could do it, that Maeve is a great kid, etc. It all helped enormously.

And this kid is just as wonderful as ever.

Hard to Write

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:21:00 +0000

You may have noticed I haven't written much lately. It's been hard to write.

The days are long and full of struggle, interrupted by beauty and joy, of course, but long nonetheless, and sometimes it feels like a starless night: cold, lonely, and dark.

Maeve is the center of my universe, the star around which my day orbits, and she has been so troubled that it's hard to see daylight.

Going anywhere with her makes me anxious in the pit of my stomach, because more than half the time we have a giant fight when it's time to go. She hits, screams, hurts both of us with her anger, every single day. I've given up taking her to stores, and every play date is stressful even to schedule, knowing how she may react when we leave.

I am anxious when she's at school, hoping she is doing well today, hoping she will do her best and get her work done at school so we don't have to struggle with extra work at home. My heart breaks when she begs me not to take her to school. It doesn't happen every day, but it hits me like an avalanche when she does.

Bedtime is a breeze some nights, other nights it's World War III. Sometimes after we finally get her to bed, Daddy and I just collapse in a heap of misery and try to comfort each other. It'll get better. It has to.

But right now it is dark, and hard to bear. And it's hard to write about.

But this girl. I adore her. Always.

At a Loss

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 19:44:00 +0000

I feel at a loss to decide what to do.

Our local school is working hard to help Maeve succeed, but the curriculum is very worksheet-driven and well below her intellectual level. This is not a huge issue for me, as her motor skills still need a lot of work and the writing part is good for her, but she is too sharp by half for the curriculum. And she hates worksheets. Also, she struggles a lot with focus, which we're looking into from a medical perspective.

The local charter schools, as an option, either have values that do not match ours, or are only welcoming to "advanced" children and don't do well helping students who have trouble with focus. And my gut tells me I don't want Maeve at a charter school.

The only Montessori schools are preschools, and one private school looked like exactly what would serve Maeve best, but their tuition cost is $12,000 a year. Which is, needless to say, not in our price range.

I cannot afford to stay home to homeschool her, as I need to get back into the working world after my 5 year hiatus. If I had a homeschool co-op with some other likeminded parents, this option would be my preference. But just like the private school, we just can't afford it.

So I guess I will leave her where she is, and give her the best of what I've got as far as advocating for her, educating her outside the classroom as much as I can, and trying to help her put it in perspective. But when I think about her laboring away on worksheets all morning, it makes my heart hurt.

What would you do?

Challenges and Sympathy

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 13:01:00 +0000

Yesterday was a very challenging day for Maeve and me. I'm not sure who had it worse, but it was a hard one.

I forgot to bring her tablet to church with us in the morning, which meant she had to sit through my ensemble rehearsal (or rather, cling to my legs throughout the rehearsal) without any entertainment. She was feeling clingy and I was trying to concentrate, and it was rough on both of us.

Then, as I navigated my way though singing a very emotional song twice, without crying, and trying to run children's choir in between services, and bringing Maeve food between services, and doing all the other things I needed to get done, I looked out the window at the beginning of the second service and saw my daughter and 2 other kids outside, no adults around. So I stormed out like a Mom-whirlwind and deposited the children back where they belonged, heart pounding. Needless to say, Maeve was not thrilled at being yanked from the outdoors and deposited back inside, either.

So on the way home, I recognized that she'd had a rough day, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her we were going to see Frozen on Ice that afternoon, a fact she'd previously not known. She was happy for exactly one second before dissolving into tears because the show was both "too long from now" (1 1/2 hours) and "not at nighttime" (last year we went at night). She was a wreck for the whole 20 minute drive home.

Here's where I'm proud of myself: I recognized that the child was basically exhausted from her difficult and very long (6 hours) morning at church. So all I did, instead of talk her out of her concerns or punish her for losing her temper, was sympathize with the child and reassure her that if she so chose, we didn't have to go to this terrible transgressive show she was so upset about. I kept saying, I can tell you're disappointed, I'm sorry you're so sad, I wish I could help cheer you up. I just stayed with her in her unhappiness, and then when we got home, we had a big snuggle and a cry, again.

I suggested maybe we could think of the things that would be fun about going to the show, and she came up with a few. Then somehow, I mentioned ice cream, and Maeve's sorrow disappeared like the dew. She was in. Ice cream solves many problems.

So we went, we had a blast, despite me almost losing my mind after the traffic disaster of traveling two blocks in forty mintues just outside the arena. Maeve got a snow cone in a special Frozen cup, we had box seats which were just spectacular, (a gift from a friend), and we all loved it.

When at the dinner table, Maever reported that yesterday was the best day ever, I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I did well with several very difficult situations yesterday, and my daughter had a great day, despite it all. That's really all you can ask for, some days.

Nutcracker Sweet

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 13:31:00 +0000

My mother-in-law reminded me this week that I was excited about taking Maeve to the Nutcracker when I found out I was having a girl. I know, I could have taken a boy to the Nutcracker, too, and knowing me, I would have. But I remembered how I felt seeing it as a little girl, and wanted to give that gift away.

So when the lights went down at Macky Auditorium yesterday, my eyes filled with happy mom-tears. That thing you just don't understand till you're a mom, that even happy things can make you cry. Weird but true.

Maeve kept proclaiming, I'm so excited! This is my first Nutcracker! I can't wait! I love today! to anyone who would listen. The ushers beamed at me, and I'm pretty sure I beamed back.

Maeve really did a bang-up job. She whispered her many questions to me, clapped at all the right times, and refrained from kicking the seat in front of her. About ten minutes into the production, she whispered to me, Mom, are they doing ballet? I couldn't help but laugh. I think she asked because no one in the opening scene was wearing a tutu.

She got very antsy during the second act, though. She kept asking me, is it over yet? So after we watched all the best dances of the second half, I told her we could go ahead and go. Which made it a lot easier to get out of the auditorium and get to our car that I parked just about a mile away, because Boulder. Ugh.

But we had a wonderful tome, and Maeve definitely wants to go again next year.

Shifting Orbit

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 12:54:00 +0000

Now that Maeve is in school, our relationship is... changing.

See, when she first got here, I was her whole world. Daddy was kind of okay, but I was the Earth her Moon-self orbited. No one else came close.

When she was a toddler, she discovered the wonder of Daddy. This guy could really put in some serious time playing and being silly, when Mommy was exhausted from being orbited all day. And Daddy became the one she longed for all day, the one she wanted to sit next to, the one she preferred for entertainment. And I was massively okay with that, because I was tired.

This had remained pretty much steady until this year starting school. Now I'm not just the rule-maker, schedule-setter, playdate-provider anymore, I'm the one she comes home to. The one she wants to sit next to and have special time with. She still gets excited for Daddy time, but will actually be sad if I'm not there to sing to her at bedtime. I haven't become the Earth to her Moon again and probably never will, but she misses me when I'm gone. She wants me, too.

And when her hand reaches up to hold mine, just because, I try not to clutch at it too tightly, but my heart wants to. Because I love that feeling and I'm always afraid of losing it.

Expanding Artistic Horizons

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Wed, 18 Nov 2015 17:09:00 +0000

One of the best things about having a five year old is watching her artistic horizons expand rapidly. It seems that every time she produces a new piece of art, I am bowled over by its creativity, its newness, its unique quality.

Lately, she painted a sunset while she was home with Shaun. It's glowing and vivid, and as my aunt pointed out, the tree trunk is solid, not an afterthought. I love the color she used, and she told a story with the picture.

Last night she decorated a tissue as a robe/dress for her stuffed puppy. I love how the flowers turned out, so lively and green. The effect of markers on tissue gives it a gentle, fuzzy-edged look, I think.

I also love how she designs clothes for her dolls and stuffed animals, and herself, but that's another post. It just seems to me that her creativity is reaching out in a hundred directions right now, and I love watching it spread.

Where Has All the Play Gone?

noreply@blogger.com (Maeve's Momma) — Sat, 14 Nov 2015 13:07:00 +0000

A lot of people, parents and educators alike, are writing about this problem lately. And I have to say, I agree with a lot of what's being said. What I hear from Maeve's teacher, and from Maeve, is that there is almost no time at all for play in today's Kindergarten. She gets fifteen minutes of recess, but the rest of her morning is completely devoted to math, reading, and writing.

Not only that, my daughter gets no gym, no art, no music, no science, and no social studies. She would get some of those if she were in full day kindergarten, which I both can't afford and don't feel she's ready for. Once a week, they get to go to the library, but that's the only "special" her class is allowed.

And yet, so many leading educators and scientists in the field of early childhood development have said that play is the most important component of learning in young children. When I was a child, we had plenty of time to learn reading and writing in Kindergarten, but we also attended specials and had center time every single day. AND recess. And sometimes even assemblies. Of course, when I was in Kindergarten, the state was not testing me at every turn, either.

I wish my daughter could have had the gift of a year of real kindergarten. As it is, I feel she's basically getting a year of training to be a first grader, and that's really not the same thing. I try not to let her know my disappointment in her kindergarten experience because it wouldn't benefit her at all to know things used to be different. At least, not at this point. But I feel a loss, some days, when I ask her what she did at school.

Since she's in AM kindy, we try to get in lots of learning and fun in the afternoon, anyway.