Maggie's Mind

Welcome Pre-Cherry Blossom Season

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 14:36:00 +0000

I look forward to that time of the year in Japan when cherry flavored everything hits the shelves in anticipation of beautiful cherry blossom season. I've been on the lookout lately and found this chuhai tonight. Spring can't be far away.

61/366 - Spring is Just Around the Corner
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

Graduation 2012

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 09:14:00 +0000

Today was graduation day, and these students in particular were special to me because of how much they changed. To quote myself from this post last week:

I will always remember these particular graduating 3rd year classes. They taught me to never give up trying to teach even the more difficult students and to just get more creative and more patient and more focused on whatever successes until, just maybe, the magic happens and some of them come around and surprise you.

Lots of crying today all around, but in between the tears, it looked something like this (well, except that there were students, but to respect their privacy, I can't share those shots publicly - imagine lots of cute, uniformed students).

60(1)/366 - They Seem to Say "Happy Graduation," Don't They?

60(2)/366 - Company's Coming (and if it's Japan, they'll need indoor shoes)
(these were for folks like the mayor, head of the Board of Ed and other fancy pants people)

60(3)/366 - To the Gym
(Graduation is held on a school day, and the younger students attend, sing and even
give a thank you speech to their sempais that will make everyone cry.)

60(4)/366 - The Stage
(Students do not come up one by one for their diplomas, but speeches happen here, and the principal gives
the diplomas to the class rep, who gives them to the homeroom teachers for each class to distribute later.)

60(5)/366 - Homeroom 3D Forever
(This is the 3D homeroom teacher about to give out the diplomas.)

60(6)/366 - Graduation Bento
(Colorful, elaborate, delicious and reminds me of the way flowers have a way of saying something.)

The Woman She Was Before All of That

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:22:00 +0000

This is that day. The one that comes every year. The day after my mother's birthday. The anniversary of her death. This time it's 17 years. Ridiculous. Impossible.

Lou Gherig's disease (ALS) is indescribably and unbelievably cruel. I still look back and wonder if it wasn't all just some nightmare. For many years, on this day, it was so hard not to remember her that way, the woman shrunken and distorted in sickness with a mind alive and well trapped inside the prison of a paralyzed body (I still can't imagine), instead of the woman she was before all of that. I want to remember that one:

The one that could speak (usually too loud). The one that could hug (the best kind of no holds barred hugs). The one that could smile (happily, mischievously, she had all kinds). The one that could laugh (loudly, from her gut, sometimes at inappropriate times). The one that really was my mom.

58/366 - The same flowers, depending on mood.
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in BeFunky app)

March 13th, 2012 (for lack of a better title)

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 11:34:00 +0000

It's my mom's birthday. And I miss her. Rather than attempt to write some elaborate post that I just don't have it in me to write after this past week or so, I dug through some old posts and enjoyed wandering through some memories. Three stand out: one where I described my mom, one where I told her a hilarious story that happened to me in part because I am her daughter (if you understandably don't click on all three, just go read this one, seriously - I'm a nut, and I bet you will laugh) and another where I sorted out just where it is that I know she lives now. She does not live in the sky. Still, she is all around me and within me, and seeing a beautiful sky today on the way home from work somehow seemed fitting.

57/366 - Happy Birthday, Mom.
(taken on my iPhone, as is, amazingly enough)

The Road Ahead

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 09:33:00 +0000

I've had to make some very difficult decisions lately. From those consequences came the opportunity to make another decision that is more than a little long overdue. It never occurred to me that I had a choice. I am at once sad yet liberated, walking forward on a road that may be bumpy but that will lead me to a place of healthy perspective where the truth I know carries more weight than what someone thinks they know.

56(1)/366 - I. Am.
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with, sepia'd and stuff)

56(2)/366 - Me and My Shadow, Facing the Road Ahead
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with, sepia'd and stuff)

How to Rock. And Tea. And a Day to Reflect.

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 14:59:00 +0000

It was a fun night out in the city for our little group out here in the inaka. There was a ridiculous amount of meat eating and some hardcore karaoke. And also a stop at a tea shop one of our group loves where I might have purchased some decaf black tea that is supposed to remind me of spring and definitely reminded me of cherry blossoms.

54/366 - How to Rock Properly
(taken on my D5100)

55/366 - Remind Me of Spring and Cherry Blossoms and Hope and Warm and Happy Times.
(taken on my D5100)

I'm posting two pictures today and numbering them separately as part of my 366 project. Tomorrow is March 11th, the 1st anniversary of the devastating earthquake and tsunami that claimed 19,000 lives and drastically changed the lives of many, many more. I can't imagine what I might find to photograph that would feel appropriate. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Either way, I'm planning to take the day to reflect. If you are interested in seeing a very recent (just aired on BBC about a week and a half ago) documentary mostly from the perspective of some amazing children who were affected, I recommend this one (also below). It's an hour long, but I found it worth watching. It is both heartbreaking and hopeful, and it includes the realities of people's lives even almost a year later, some living just outside of the exclusion zone, forced to abandon their homes even if it was one that hadn't been destroyed, and still close enough that radiation is still very much still a daily topic. It's hard to believe it has been a year.

Georgia Black, Friday Night

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 12:04:00 +0000

At some point in my late 20's I realized that drinking coffee in the evening made it more likely that I'd stay up too late and have weird dreams when I did actually go to sleep. A few years after that, it bothered me enough to make a point of avoiding it. Something I will never understand is that the weird dreams from evening coffee consumption never happen to me if I don't have to get up for work the next day. The other thing I will never understand is the whole Georgia coffee brand here in Japan. Seeing Ranier as a coffee brand makes sense - Mt. Ranier, Washington, Starbucks, coffee, drive-thru coffee huts in gas station parking lots. Georgia? I think peaches. And a cute accent. And being on my mind, and stuff. Not coffee beans. In any case, this Friday night was the right time to run across the street to the vending machine for a can of coffee just because I could.

53/366 - Georgia Black on a Friday Night
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in BeFunky app)

Clean

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 12:01:00 +0000

I'm preoccupied with some heavy things but still aiming to post a picture every day even if I'm not doing so great at commenting back right now. Thank you for still stopping by anyway. Honestly, the highlight of this tough day was a new bar of soap I bought to try. So clean, so fresh, I love I new bar of soap. Just me?

52/366 - Clean
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

Red

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 14:16:00 +0000

I saw red on three occasions today. Two of them were highly unpleasant experiences. This one was the opposite of unpleasant and definitely my favorite. What a good looking train.

51/366 - Seeing Red

March is Thank You and Goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 09:43:00 +0000

March is already a tough month for me, but in Japan it's also graduation season, a bittersweet mix of wishing my favorite students well and knowing that I will miss seeing their faces when the new school year begins again in April. Today I said goodbye to half of my 3rd year students. Tomorrow, I get to say it to the others. I wrote them a letter of congratulations and encouragement to dream big and to not be afraid of making mistakes in English but to just try to communicate. That's what language is really all about in the end. I reflected about how much they have grown. I met them as unruly 1st years and who became difficult 2nd years who started to change mid-way through that year into the 3rd year students in front of me, with whom I developed some hard won rapport. I didn't expect any words back, but at the end of our final class (*sniff*), they stood, and one of them read me this short note while I did an amazing job of mostly holding back tears.

I will always remember these particular graduating 3rd year classes. They taught me to never give up trying to teach even the more difficult students and to just get more creative and more patient and more focused on whatever successes until, just maybe, the magic happens and some of them come around and surprise you.

50/366 - March is Thank You and Goodbye

Under the Bridge, Down the Road, Not In the Ditches

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 08:20:00 +0000

(Funny enough, we studied prepositions today in my 2nd year class. Then I come out with this title and realize the connection after the fact and giggle at myself. I'm easily amused.)

Today was rainy off and on, so that means I walked, as I do on days like this. Snapped this quick picture on my iPhone while walking. If it looks almost familiar yet different, it's the same bridge, different street from the post linked above.

I mentioned back in the post about how I don't drive here that one of the things that looks so tough is the combination of narrow roads often lined with ditches. This road is a bit narrow, but not nearly as narrow as some that look more like bike paths. Until you see a car headed toward you. It's also lined on both sides with those ditches that (as I explained in that post) many of us call gaijin traps (gaijin = 外人 = literally, outside person = foreigner, so, basically, "foreigner traps," a term that just cracks some of my my Japanese friends up the first time they hear it). The real name is 溝 (mizo), and most of them are wider. And are on narrower roads. I've never seen a car stuck in one, and this is completely amazing to me.

49/366 - Under the bride, down the road, not in the ditches.
(taken on my iPhone, then toyed with just a bit for fun)

Mini Road Trip

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 08:11:00 +0000

If our dear Lotus is doing Weekly Winners this week, these are my best of those, even if they were all taken yesterday. Saturday turned into a mini road trip to Hinase. These are the highlights.

48(1)/366 - Drive

48(2)/366 - Spanning

48(3)/366 - Under the Train Bridge

48(4)/366 - Primary Colors

48(5)/366 - Purples and Blues and Pretty

48(6)/366 - Bay

48(7)/366 - Reflecting

48(8)/366 - Kaki (Oyster) Okonomiyaki to Be
(Hinase is famous for it's oysters, and now is the season)

Ferry Boats

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 14:59:00 +0000

There's something about boats and sunsets.

47/366 - Ferry Boats
(taken on my D5100, toyed with lighting just a bit to un-darken the dark)

Haiku Friday - Say It With Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 07:12:00 +0000

"they mean spring comes soon,"
she translated from flower,
and i understood

One of the teachers caught me taking this picture on my iPhone on the way out of school on Friday afternoon. She explained the meaning that I'd already known and felt in my heart the first time I noticed these flowers earlier this week. Ikebana (Japanese flower arranging) can be so amazingly expressive. Every week or so, I'm realizing, a whole new arrangement appears in the entryway of my school, just like that, without me even having to seek it out. Yet, until looking for something to take a picture of every day for this project, I've been somewhat oblivious. Have there always been new beautiful flower arrangements appearing approximately weekly for the whole two and a half years I've been here?! Or is this a recent thing? Either way, from now on, if they are there, I'll be making a point to stop a moment to hear what they are saying.

46/366 - They Mean Spring Comes Soon
(taken on my iPhone, then toyed with the colors
to make them as I remember them feeling)

Yellow, Happy

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 13:47:00 +0000

Yellow is a happy color. I don't really own or wear anything yellow, but my friend does. Tonight we headed out of our tiny town for dinner and some girl time. Girl time, the train, yellow shoes - so much happiness.

45/366 - Yellow, Happy
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in the BeFunky app)

Tiny Car Lot

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 07:51:00 +0000

I've already talked about how I don't drive in Japan, so I've only ever biked past this tiny little car lot in town and have never bothered to stop. Today I stopped, just briefly, to take a quick picture on my iPhone. Nothing spectacular, but unless I go somewhere else for a change, random pictures of places in town are likely to appear.

As a side note, I'm looking so forward to spring when the rice is planted and starts growing and then turning into the ridiculously green and beautiful rice fields of summer. Right now they are all just so brown and lonely. Also, did I ever mention that I am surrounded by mountains? I love my little inaka town.

44/366 - Tiny Car Lot in My Tiny Town
(taken on my iPhone and toyed with in the BeFunky app)

I'm OK

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 09:22:00 +0000

So, I'm a couple of weeks early, but those sad feelings are creeping back in around the edges. Apparently March is my sad month. It's been this way since my mom died 17 years ago this March (17 years can't be right, can it?). Around almost this time last year, on a Friday afternoon, I was just about to pack up to leave school and hunker into a weekend of my annual it's-not-fair-I-miss-my-mom wallowing fest I allow myself to have in exchange for not completely losing my shit most of the other days of the year (When, by the way, I also still miss my mom but usually with less fanfare. Just saying.).

Just then is when the earthquake and subsequent tsunami hit Japan. I've written about this at length back when it was all pretty fresh, but it basically goes like this. I spent the first 24 hours (that felt more like 24 weeks) worried sick about people I didn't know at all, people I knew of, but most especially, a friend I'd met at our JET Pre-departure Orientation back in Chicago and and with whom I shared a special connection. She and her children were living up that way, and her town was on the news because the tsunami had just washed much of it away. What was left of the town was largely on fire. Being so worried about my friend and her children brought it all home to me as far away as I was down here in Okayama. Thankfully, after a long night during which sleep didn't happen, I finally learned that my friend was OK. It could just have easily turned out the other way. For entirely too many, it did turn out that other way (latest information I've found says 15,846 dead, 3,320 still missing, and that says nothing of how very many people each one of those must have left behind). I was full of such profound sadness and worry for days. Watching everything unfold - the images, the stories, all of the talk about nuclear power plant and radiation and microsieverts, all of it - even as far away as I was, was... simply surreal.

At other points in my life, watching people I've loved die and watching others around me reacting to the exact same event has taught me for sure that people handle difficult and painful things differently. Some of my friends here in my part of Japan couldn't understand why it was affecting me to the degree that it did. Since my friend was OK, and I didn't personally know anyone who'd died up that way, a handful of these friends thought I was being weak or dramatic or depressing or morbid or whatever. Even if I was/am all of the above, every single one of those who would judge me for whatever way I react to such a tragedy (I still went to work, harmed no one, etc.) can just go fuck off. I never say fuck on my blog. But fuck them. Seriously. For whatever reasons, it affected me the way it did. Those very same people were, understandably, on the phone with their mommies as the disaster unfolded. My mom? Is dead. And I was supposed to have been honoring the 16th anniversary of her death just about then. So, yah, maybe that's just one of many areas where my perspective was just a little different. Maybe that had nothing to do with it. Point is, people react differently (another post from when this was all fresh and I learned how true this was). And today, I'm having a reaction of sorts, I guess you could say.

All this spewing is just because Facebook did a little thing over here in Japan today that immediately brought me back to a year ago and started the process of breaking my heart along those same scarred lines that try to heal every year from roughly late March to around late February of the following year. It's like clockwork, anymore, and apparently Japan's tragedy will simply piggyback onto the scars of my personal one in one neat little package of heartbreak to take out and hold and have a bigger than other regular days kind of cry. Anyway, right. Facebook. When I logged on today, I saw a little banner announcing that they are testing the new Disaster Message Board here in Japan for the next couple of days. If you are OK, you click that you are safe, and a reassuring dark blue "safe" icon will appear next to your name on the disaster list when your FB friends look up your name. If you know that someone else is OK, you can mark them as safe, and their people will see an almost but not quite as reassuring light blue "safe" icon saying someone has said they are safe.

Just seeing this feature this afternoon suddenly brought it all back to me and felt like a punch in the throat, those sad days around this time last year. So I took a picture and intended to write a quick little post to go with it about how I thought this whole I'm OK, my buddy's OK feature on Facebook was a good and useful idea. Instead, it turned into this kind of post, and I'm OK with that. It gave me the chance to reflect and remember that I get to feel what I feel in reaction to life around me, no right or wrong ways to experience that which makes me sad and absolutely no apologies. Right here, right now, I'm sad. Since sad things often make people sad, I'm pretty sure that it just means that, yep, I'm sad, but, also, I'm OK.

43/366 - Safe.
(Taken on my iPhone.)

Big Bridge

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 04:43:00 +0000

I took a small trip yesterday to see the Great Seto Bridge (瀬戸大橋 - Seto Ohashi) just because it is a big bridge, and it is there/here. It's the world's longest 2 tier bridge (about 13km/8 miles), if statistics like that make you fuzzy inside.

42(1)/366 - Great Seto Bridge
(taken on my D5100, 18-55mm)

42(2)/366 - More Big Ass Bridge
(taken on my D5100, 55-200mm lens - this day was my first real attempt to use this lens)

42(3)/366 - Even More Big Ass Bridge
(taken on my D5100, 55-200mm lens - this day was my first real attempt to use this lens)

As you can tell, it was pretty overcast yesterday. Also, I still have no idea, really, what I am doing with this Big Girl camera. I feel like I a missing "something" that could have made all of these shots better (even after I toyed with the lighting a little bit before posting them), but it was fun to actually carry a camera bag out there knowing I had more than one lens to play with, even if I felt like a little girl playing dress up in shoes about 5 times to big. Hopefully I'll grow into it. It worked with my feet, right?

I'm a noob, so if you have any really basic advice about what you would have done with a big girl camera on an overcast day while taking a picture of a bridge like this, please Speak Very Slowly and let me know.

Magic

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 14:50:00 +0000

Technically, I didn't take this picture today, but I did take it this week. Then it magically appeared on my computer. Easily, wirelessly and exactly how I'd hoped it would. Pretty much loving the whole Eye-Fi memory card way of getting pictures to my computer. Hopefully it will mean using my Big Girl camera more often now that it's been made that much easier.

41(1)/366 - Small New Toy

This one was taken earlier in the week, too. The whole sun and snow flurry thing felt fairly magic-like.

41(2)/366 - Sun. Snow.

Haiku Friday - Looking Forward

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 06:59:00 +0000

always plan something
to look forward to short-term.
planned. looking forward!

such joy balanced with
the agony of waiting.
i'm a sappy mess!

40/366 - OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG! Tom! To Japan!! Whee!!
(taken on my iPhone, super toyed with in BeFunky app)

Arranged

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 10:41:00 +0000

39/366 - Arranged
(taken on my iPhone, just inside my school's entry past the genkan)

Crime Scene

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:30:00 +0000

I've spend more than a few minutes in Japan, and few things surprise me here anymore. Then, yesterday, I saw this. A little yellow sign saying you're not allowed to just leave your dog's poop sitting there when it happens as if you have no sense of how to act right (OK, I added the last part). Because someone did that. Didn't pick it up, I mean. So then someone ELSE apparently goes around and puts little signs next to dog turds. (Bwahahahaha! I'm dying as I type this.) But neither party actually removes it. I giggled/am still giggling. Congratulations, Japan, you got me.

38/366 - Crime Scene
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram, making the poop look less, um, poopy and yucky)

Broadway

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:34:00 +0000

I've mentioned Japan's Big America series of burgers and how each new burger is like a personal challenge for me to be sure to try all four (they are all here). I did the Grand Canyon with a steak theme plus egg and crispy onions and more. Then the Las Vegas burger with sliced beef and sour cream sauce. We are at number three, the Broadway burger with pastrami bacon, a few veggies and a cream cheese sauce. It was pretty OK, but, as my friend commented, it really did feel sort of like a deli sandwich than a burger, so I guess maybe the name came closer to matching the meal but not really why I go to McD's. So far, Vegas is winning. Beverly Hills comes out at the start of March, and that involves avocado, so it may overtake Vegas. You know I'll be there and will let you know.

37/366 - McDonald's Broadway Burger
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

Fettuccine alla Carbonara

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 23:30:00 +0000

It's entirely possible that you have, right now, in your very own kitchen, all of the ingredients to make this amazingness. It happened to me awhile back when my local grocery store had this limited time only (hate when they do that and it's something really good and then just all gone one day) "raw" pasta (not dry) on sale, and I bought a bunch. I had eggs from my neighbor (yep, same neighbor) and still had some Parmesan cheese (OK, I admit, I used powered, not fresh grated) from home (you can get both here, but neither are cheap) and happened to have some bacon (well, almost bacon, the closest I can find in Japan). I got it in my head that I wanted carbonara, and right there on the internet was this amazing recipe, Spaghetti alla Carbonara from Tyler Florence. No cream needed because the consensus seems to be that that's not how it's really made (probably not with fake Parm, either, but, you know...). It's fast and simple to make, though some timing skills help.

I made it again last night, but the pan was still just a little too hot, so the eggs started to scramble just a little. And I completely forgot to save and add some of the pasta water, which made it almost silky last time. Still, it was better than any carbonara I've ever eaten at a restaurant. I also might have added just a little shredded cheese to the egg mix, too. Also not how it's really done, but no regrets here.

Go make this right now.

36/366 - Carbonara. From Scratch.

Great Big Luck

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 05:46:00 +0000

I love all things mochi (roughly, "rice cake"), especially when it's in the soft confectionery form wrapped around something else that also happens to be yummy, like the ice cream kind I posted the other day. Often it's wrapped around anko, sweet red bean paste. This whole general category of mochi sweets that involve it being wrapped around something is called daifuku mochi (大福もち, literally "big/great luck rice cake"). I've loved every single one I've ever met.

I also love my neighbor across the street. She and her husband moved in last year, sometime before summer, and along with their garden, she has a generous spirit and is always stopping by just to give me food. Fresh veggies in summer and fall, and miscellaneous food items throughout the year. She stopped by last Friday afternoon.

"Did you have an afternoon snack, yet?" she asked, as she does.

My answer to these types of questions, true or not, is always "Nope, not yet," while I try to tone down to a socially acceptable level the ridiculously over-eager feelings I have about what goodness she has brought over that I suspect is right there in that bag. I didn't bother to mention that there was no way I could eat a snack in advance of a huge dinner at Mama-san's in just a couple hours, and she presented me with a bag of assorted bread items and two pieces of daifuku mochi. I wanted to cry and hug and kiss her. That's not really how people act here, so I just smiled widely, bowed deeply and "itsumo arigatou gozaimasu" (thank you every time)'d her.

While I do, indeed, love every type of daifuku, it's extra special to me when even all that awesomeness is wrapped with some kind of brined leaf (just you wait until cherry blossom season, my friends, and you will be seeing cherry flavored ones wrapped in a cherry leaf while I completely lose all composure). Sweetness on the inside and a slightly salty leaf on the outside is the perfect balance. These? Were those kind. Oh, my great big luck!

35/366 - Mochi!
(Taken on my D5100)