Maggie's Mind

Love Me, Lick Me, Vegas Burger Me

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:22:00 +0000

A day at the mall where I am looks something like this:

15(1)/366 - Lick Me.
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Photobucket)

15(2)/366 - Las Vegas Burger.
Beef/onion/creamy white almost like cream cheese sauce all on top of a burger.
I'm halfway through McJapan's Big America Burgers ~~Maggie's Personal Challenge~~ Campaign
More info on this one is here.

Around Town

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 01:31:00 +0000

Still have that surplus of photos I talked about yesterday. So, today there are 6, mostly taken around town. Or at Mc Donald's (definitely NOT in my town). But all within the past week.

14(1)/366 - Big America, Grand Canyon Burger.
McDonald's does silly stuff here. I try every new burger in a series and take it as a personal challenge.
As I type this, I have lunch plans today to go try the current one, the Las Vegas Burger.
(taken with my big girl Nikon D5100)

14(2)/366 - Comfy Shoes.
It's hard to find my size here. Got these at home for $14, and they make me smile every day.
(taken with my big girl Nikon D5100)

14(3)/366 - ~~Wild~~ Garbage Cage
This is where my ~~untamed~~ garbage goes. The sign reminds us to follow the (very many) rules.
It's OK. I have a calendar and a wall chart to ~~keep me in line~~ help me understand what day is which garbage.
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

14(4)/366 - Open Space
I live in the middle of nowhere. So I'm always struck by this modern new building in town.
It houses our Board of Ed, so we meet here for weekly meetings.
No heat or AC, though, so let's don't get too excited about the modernity of it all, yah?
(taken with my big girl Nikon D5100)

14(5)/366 - From the 3rd Floor.
This is what I see when I walk out of about 3 of my classes each week.
I don't love climbing the stairs, but I love the view.
(taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

14(6)/366 - Tall.
This is one of the two tallest things in town, not counting the hills/mountains.
(taken with my big girl Nikon D5100)

Bonus Round

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:30:00 +0000

I've been taking way more than one picture a day since I started this whole blogging again and posting a picture a day thing. It can't be helped. Consider today something like a bonus round, and expect another as soon as tomorrow. Or so.

13(1)/366 - My lucky cup.
It's most lucky on a lazy weekend morning.

13(2)/366 - This is me within the past week.
My hair is finally growing out from the ridiculously way too short cut
I got at the barber shop. Last April. Yes. There and then. Innywho, it's growing.

13(3)/366 - Reading. Been doing it again.
Also, if a book is pretty good, but there is something else I'd REALLY rather be reading?
Then the first goes under the stack. Life is too short not to change books whenever you just goddamn want to.

Haiku Friday - January 27th, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:29:00 +0000

here's my school's genkan
no outdoor shoes go past here
in/out shoe box trade

12/366 - Shoe Boxes (getabako)
Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Photobucket

Most every school, home, doctor's office, gym and many other places in Japan have these at the entrance so that you can exchange your outdoor shoes for some kind of indoor shoes or slippers. To me, anymore, it just makes so much sense that I can't stand the idea of outdoor shoes being worn around inside.

Japanese Tea. And Not Japanese Tea.

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 05:35:00 +0000

Japan. Green tea. Those go together, right? It's true.

I fell in love with the whole concept of Japanese tea ceremony back in my college/university days and delved into it quite a bit for my senior project. Then, I lived in Shizuoka prefecture 1995-1998, THE green tea prefecture the way an American would say that Idaho is THE potato state. (I may or may not even have a Hello Kitty tattoo involving this prefecture and its very green tea-ness. If I did, probably Mt. Fuji is part of the scene. Maybe. I'm pretty sure I don't, however, have a potato tattoo.)

This time around living in Japan, I've become somewhat of an honorary member of the tea ceremony club at my junior high school. They let me show up at the club and learn stuff (lots to learn - people study for decades). Once in awhile one of the gurus of tea invites me to huge tea ceremonies in beautiful places (imagine this during cherry blossom season, be still my heart). Back in September, they even let me wear kimono and serve tea for the moon viewing tea ceremony here in town. It was a huge honor. Technically, I wore a yukata (summer kimono, not as fancy) because it was still stupidly hot, and I was much more in the ranks of my yukata-wearing students than the kimono clad adults who knew what they were doing (and did so with awe-inspiring fluidity, beauty and grace) after decades of study.

I could drink my weight in real-deal matcha tea. It's kind of like the artificial Starbucks flavor but then actually and really and truly authentically powdered tea that's distinctly bitter (in a good way) and not at all artificial. If you haven't had real matcha, you just haven't had real matcha. Yet. Someday, please do. If you can get someone who knows what they are doing to serve it to you with all of the ritual and grace, even better. If none of those are options, I still think Starbucks matcha lattes are pretty tasty when they are the only option.

For all the green tea surrounding me, it's a big of a challenge here to find the kinds of tea I usually drink back in the States. You know, the gazillion different flavors and varieties and herbals and not all lining the shelves of every grocery store? In my town, aside from a bunch of green tea and stuff I can't understand, we have 1 box of 6 not so great flavors of herbal. There is a reasonable selection at the import store in the city, but getting there isn't super cheap or fast (roughly 1 hour and US $10 each way), and their prices are just cheap enough that I bother looking but just high enough that I never buy any.

While I was in the States over winter vacation, I stocked up. One night Tom and I wound up at Big Lots, and they happened to have a brand I'd never tried. And it was vanilla. And it sounded great. When I finally made a cup this morning at my desk during my free period, hoping to make lesson planning smell better, I fell madly in love. Sadly, I'll probably never find this exact kind again (if you've been to Big Lots or other super discounted places, you know how the inventory changes), but I intend to savor every single sip while I have it.

11/366 - Lesson planning smells better with vanilla tea
(Taken on my iPhone and toyed with in Instagram)

Snow and the Spirit of Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:12:00 +0000

It's been cold the past few days where I am. Thankfully, this year, for reasons unknown, my school has decided to heat the teachers' room, unlike the past two winters. The classrooms have always had kerosene heaters since I've been here (though we are not always allowed to use them). Others around me have been talking about snow once in awhile, but it wasn't until today that we got some.

I'm from Chicago. And I've been to Sapporo (they get 6 times more snow!!). So I know a bit about snow. I hate driving in it or shoveling it. If it happens to start falling when I don't own a car or a driveway or have anyplace I need to be other than where I am? I'm as excited as a 5 year old seeing it for the first time. Magical, snow is, when I don't have to alter anything about my day in response to it being there and can just smile and laugh and giggle and take pictures.

Snapped hastily on my iPhone hoping it wouldn't get too wet while it was coming down hard (then ended 15 minutes later) just outside my school.

10/366 - Snow and the Spirit of Friendship
(the kanji 友愛 yuu ai means, roughly, friendship, though it's more whatever you'd call in English the kind of love and respect that is shared between friends - so, in short, I'm going with something like the spirit of friendship for lack of a better exact translation)

Corn Soup

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 06:15:00 +0000

Corn soup (technically, corn potage, and that's what Japan calls it) is all the rage in Japan. It's made with lots of milk and is so creamy and delicious. It's pretty much everywhere in Japan, whether in the form of powdered instant soup mix or in a can sold from the vending machine or by the carton at your local supermarket. Often near the supposed "pizza." I don't know why.

9/366 - Corn (Potage) Soup. By the carton, even.

Monday Morning Commute

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:04:00 +0000

I was really hoping to get out and about with my real camera at some point over the weekend, but just when I looked up, boom, it was already Monday morning. I still owed my blog a picture, so nothing fancy, but I took this quick shot on my way to school on my iPhone and later toyed with it a bit in Photobucket before posting. This is the Monday morning commute to school here in my tiny town. Once in awhile I forget to remember just how surrounded by hills/small mountains I am until I look at a picture like this and contrast it with all those pictures on my computer and in my mind of back home in the flat middle of America (Chicago, Tulsa, take your pick) where you can just see forever and ever. Both have their merits.

8/366 - The Monday morning commute in my tiny town.

Cute Blood

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I remember when I moved to Japan the first time and was brought to building with super cute cartoon characters everywhere and was a little startled and confused to realize that this place was not a toy store, candy shop or daycare but a bank. Where they expected me to put all of my yennies. I giggled. Nervously.

There is nothing that Japan can't or won't turn into a cute little character. It's everywhere, all day, everyday. Even when you donate blood. After March 11th last year (hard to believe it's already been almost a year), I braved the strict requirements and related paperwork and possibility of being told no and went and donated blood. I'd heard that some foreigners had tried and been unsuccessful, but it really wasn't too much of a problem (though it helped to read an English translation of the form before going and trying to fill out the Japanese one), and before I knew it, I was in a bloodmobile painted with the cute little blood donation character on the outside and some friendly folks who took my blood and oohed and ahhed at any little thing I said in Japanese and gave me rehydration drinks and a little snack.

Somehow I let 10 months pass before donating again on Saturday, but Kenketsu-chan was right there waiting. She has her own entire website (linked just right there on her name), and even if you can't read Japanese, it gives you and idea of the silliness I'm describing. Otherwise, there's just this quick shot from my phone on the way in.

7/366 - Kenketsu-chan, making blood donation super cute.
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

Party in a Tiny Town. With Aloe. And Yogurt.

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 02:02:00 +0000

I might have mentioned that there are four of us English-teaching foreigners here in town. Last night, that population was increased 5 fold (oh my gosh, I did math!). Or more. There were at least 20. Plus about 3 Japanese people. One of our group hosted a pie party to celebrate a new oven, and it was a great excuse for people to come all the way out here from their own tiny little towns and ~~play drinking games~~ eat pie. Most people have only toaster ovens here. I wound up buying a bigger one (let's don't get excited, it's still tiny and bakes about 5 cookies at a time) shortly after I arrived that, get this, is a toaster, a microwave and a legit-bake-me-a-cake oven all in one. It is weird putting a metal pan in what you used as a microwave to warm up your lunch a few hours ago. So, one of our group also bought one of these magical devices. It's identical to mine. That's because we have one DIY store close to us, and that's the only one they sell.

As will happen at a party, drinking happened. I wanted to take it easy and also get some fresh air, so I ran out to the Lawson's conbini (convenience store, way more convenient and with more edible food than back home) just down the road to get something little to drink. You can always count on Japan to provide weird drinks, candy and, well, everything, really, and yogurt as a flavor is fairly common. As is aloe yogurt (honestly, one of the reasons I wanted to come back to Japan - it's so good!). What I had not ever seen was an aloe yogurt cocktail with small bits of aloe in it. It was amazing!

6/366 - Aloe Yogurito. Because that's not unusual.
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

Haiku Friday - January 20th, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 06:30:00 +0000

Hello, my old friend!
Haiku*! (how) I have missed you!
Let's three-seven-five!

standing on friday
stretched out like a long hallway
my weekend awaits

5/366 - One last look back down the Very Many Windowed hallway of my school before the weekend
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

*Haiku is three syllables in Japanese. Two in English. So, take your pick.
(Also, it's well into Friday where I am, here in the future.)

Tools of the Trade

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 07:17:00 +0000

I'm not a real teacher. I play one in Japan. I teach at a public junior high school where there are three grades (called 1st, 2nd and 3rd but equivalent to 7th, 8th and 9th grades back home). I love teaching, and I do think that I really don't suck at it. At least not in this exact role, teaching English to Japanese students. Including the three years back in 1995-1998 that I did this same thing, I'm in my 6th year of doing this kind of teaching. Technically, I'm and Assistant Language Teacher. What this means varies considerably by school and then, too, by individual teachers within a school. In my case, thankfully, most of the Japanese Teachers of English with whom I teach give me free reign to do what I want and allow me to bring to life and practical use that which the students have been learning in our dry textbooks.

Textbook Tangent Start
A word about textbooks, while I'm bothering to talk shop. The ones my school uses are not nearly as bad as some I've seen, but I'm perplexed by some of the choices made in their creation. For example, my first years learn to say "I treasure..." (fairly advanced) before they learn "I can..." (super basic). By the third year, the textbook gets unnecessarily depressing. For example, the topics include, in very basic English (too basic, really, considering the depth of topic): landmines in Cambodia, starvation in Sudan, refugees in Kosovo, the plight of black Americans before the Civil Rights Movement. The way the textbook chooses to teach "could not..."? Can you guess? Here's a direct quote.

In those days, there were many things that African-Americans could not do. There were toilets that they could not use. There were seats on buses that they could not use.

I cringe every time we get to that chapter. On the one hand, yes, this is an effective use of the prescribed grammar pattern to express quite simply something very complex. On the other hand, this is English class. And this is sad and depressing, and I just don't understand the point of including it when there are a million other ways that don't suck any remaining joy out of learning English (joy that is already damn little for most at this stage of studying for high school entrance exams). If we are teaching American culture, let's absolutely cover this topic. If it's just a way to make a grammar point, it seems a bit heavy handed to me. Is all I'm saying.
Textbook Tangent End

I plan about 80% of my classes and lessons start to finish. I would love for this to be more like 100%. Today I found out that there are some things in the works that might bring me closer to this number. I'm not sure how much of it was a vote of confidence in the work they've seen me do and how much of it was just a vote of necessity, but I took it as the former and smiled about it. When I first heard about it, it was mid-class while the first year students were doing an activity I created for present perfect tense (X is Ying.) using character cards. They were goING nuts with it and smilING while speakING, you know, English. I was, too.

4/366 - Tools of the Trade
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Photobucket)

Also, I laminated these. Laminating is my favorite hobby as a (kind of) teacher. I have only laminated about 2 things in the 2.5 years I've been here, but it made me warm and happy both times. If I could find a good enough reason to do it without it being an unnecessary waste, I would laminate the shit out of something every single day just to do it. And then put magnets on the back.

1, 340

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:35:00 +0000

I went to the hospital yesterday. Don't worry. It's a minor issue. There was a discussion and exam, and a test was done. I was in and out on my lunch break (OK, maybe plus 10 minutes). They gave me the bill, and it was all I could do not to laugh. And then hug and kiss everyone. I restrained myself and just smiled at them a lot instead so they knew I was hugging them on my insides (or just thought I had bigger problems). The bill was 1340 yen. At today's exchange rate, that's US $17.45.

Now, in fairness, I had an allergic reaction to the cure (not good times, my friends, is all I'll say). So I went back today. In and out on my lunch break again. The follow up was 570 yen. US $7.43. Again with the desire to hug and kiss folks.

3/366 - My Hospital Bill
(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Photobucket)

Nah-bay, Bay-bee

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 05:40:00 +0000

One of the best things about winter in Japan (aside from the kotatsu, that fabulous table with a heater under it, covered with a quilt and somehow not the fire hazard one might expect) is 鍋物 (nabe-mono, or just nabe for short, pronounced nah-bay). The roughest translation I could give would be a hot pot of happiness and warmth and joy filled with broth and meat and veggies cooked on your table (usually at home, and bonus points if said table happens to be a kotatsu). You can grab out whatever yummy bits you want as you go and add some more along the way, so even ~~whiny-assed~~ somewhat picky eaters can join. If you really know how to nabe awesomely, you can put some ramen-style noodles in the broth at the end. Oh, it's good stuff.

There are a bazillion ways to make nabe with varying broths and ingredients (again, here will give you some idea). Just the broths alone, I've tried everything from soy milk to curry-ish to kimchi to tomato to soy sauce and a whole bunch in between, and I've never had any nabe that was anything less than fabulously filling and delicious and warming and full of happy.

Every winter (if it sounds familiar, it's because I shared this a couple winters ago as well) our wonderful little group of English-learners in town appears in one of our living rooms with with a hot pot, a table top stove (or a schmancy electric set version) and all the ingredients for a nabe party just for us. We look forward to it all year. Last night was the big night. I still feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Nabe is like getting a big warm hug from the inside when it's a cold winter night outside.

2/366 Nabe Party. Of Love. And Kimchi.

(Taken on my iPhone, toyed with in Instagram)

In

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:50:00 +0000

It was SO nice to hear from my old bloggy pals in comments on my last post. Really. Thank you for keeping me in your reader or whatever other modern magic that led you to here shortly after I posted for the first time in half a year. I was surprised and touched and warmed.

Having dipped my toes in the water and finding it so warm, half of me wants to jump fully in. I miss how, when blogging regularly, it forced me to see my world differently and more fully. I noticed things that I otherwise wouldn't have because I was looking for pictures to take, looking for new ways of seeing the same thing to express it poetically in haiku format on Fridays, looking at life around me and stopping to contemplate Stuff. Looking. Not just wandering around with my eyes open so that I wouldn't walk into anything off of any cliff that may have appeared magically in front of me, but actively looking. Seeing vs looking. Hearing vs listening. Waking up with breath and a pulse vs living life and experiencing its heartbeat if I paid just enough attention.

What I don't want to do is find myself treading water, trying to force creativity that won't come, in order not to drown in some kind of blog universe failure. Feeling obligated to attempt to be witty or creative or even just boring but public on schedule can kind of negate all that happy heartbeat of experiencing life effect I get from blogging.

As with everything, for me, always, it comes back to balance.

I don't necessarily want to post only when the spirit breezes just right across my left ass cheek on a sunny afternoon because that might mean falling out of the habit entirely (again), but I don't want to be boxed in by inconvenient or claustrophobic rules.

I mention inconvenient rules specifically because now that I have a big girl camera (that I love but have barely started growing into), I don't carry it around all the places my beloved point-and-shoot used to go. It's with me usually, but not always (like when I just run down to the conbini for rice wrapped in bacon - yes, 7-11, only, though). I do, however, always have my iPhone (thank you all the gods in all the world for this gift), which is small and allows me to upload pretty much anytime, anywhere instead of plugging in a whole camera just to get one stinkin' picture to post every.single.day. So, what I'm getting at, is that if I were to do some kind of a 365/366/whatevs, I'd be most likely to be able to do it every day if it was a photo project. I can take a picture daily, whether I feel particularly creative or not. And. In that case, some of the pictures would not fall under the category of "look at me play with aperture (and other words I've only learned recently) and take 'real' pictures" but possibly sometimes more under the "hey, this was in front of me, so took its picture. maybe I played with it in Instagram, too" category.

(feeling the warm water reach approximately my navel, saying it's OK to gaze...)

It's my blog and (maybe) my 365/366 project. I guess I can do whatever the hell I want, whether I want to practice and learn to glide like a graceful swan or just splash around artlessly for my own amusement. What I really just want is to feel like this outlet is always open, reminding me to get my feet wet again, to taste the salt on my lips and to breathe it all in, even if I choose not to plunge in head first every day. I just want this to be here, especially because I hope for such inspired days. And, to that end...

(feeling the warm water reach approximately my neck)

Jen and Tara both said I should do it. So, I guess I'm in. On my own terms and starting with just what was in front of me on my desk, captured with my iPhone and toyed with in Instagram. We'll go from there. See you, um, guess that's tomorrow, then. And all year. Apparently. Whee?

1/366 - A Fairly Pink Desk Assortment in January

Hi Again

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:22:00 +0000

It's January 15th where I am. A quiet Sunday morning with a cup of coffee, and I find myself here where I haven't been since my last post on July 13th, already half a year for those who do math. I wound up in Google Reader yesterday for the first time in many months, and I got a little caught up on some of my favorite blogs (I was too out of the loop to comment, but if you are reading this and I know that you have a blog, there is a decent chance I know what's going on in your blog life, and you guys are beautiful, creative and awesome as ever). I was delighted that two of my favorites who last I knew had been separated have reunited their families and seem happy. I actually smiled. Then I started thinking about my life since the last time I posted anything here. So much has happened, and so much has stayed the same.

So, yes, as last post mentioned, I went home for a few weeks in July. First to Chicago where Tom finally met the family after nearly a decade, and I think it was a mutual love-fest.
My brand new and scary Nikon D5100 dSLR camera was there to greet me along with Tom. I'm still very much a novice, and I haven't had a ton of time to truly learn to use it to it's potential, but I am loving it, and I do understand picture-taking stuff I didn't before I got it. I've only used the zoom lens that I bought with it in the package once. This year I hope to have used it, and appropriately, at least a few times.

Me, Tom and my new camera toy at The Bean, Chicago, Summer 2011

My sweet orange baby kitty, the one you've seen in a million pictures here that came back to the States with me from Japan with me back in 1998, had been very sick before I came home. Long story short, while I was home we found out that he had cancer. Timing allowed me to be there to hold him and love on him for a few days and then say a very peaceful goodbye. I was amazed at how peaceful it was. As heartbroken as I was (and crying as I write this 6 months later), I am grateful for the day he wandered in my life, and I think we both felt well-loved, and that somehow made it oddly easier to say goodbye. It was time. We knew it. I will carry his whiskery little orangeness in my heart forever.

Saying Goodbye to My Original Orange Kitten of Love, Summer 2011

A new JET year began at the end of July/start of August, and I hit the jackpot. There are four of us (two JET, two non-JET but basically similar) in my tiny town, and it has not always been hunky dory. We got some new folks that I LOVE and another that I LOVE but didn't get to spend nearly enough time with last year stayed on this year. The four of us get along famously, and it is truly a delight, the very thing I'd wished for from the start when it was lacking.

Looking out over my tiny town from the 3rd floor of my school at the start of a great new JET year

In September there are a whole bunch of days off right around each other that, if you fill in with a few vacation days, make for a really nice chunk of time off. Well, maybe only a week, but only at the cost of 3 vacation days. I went to Taiwan. It was truly amazing. I could easily live in Taipei, especially since so many people can speak Japanese, oddly. Time and again it happened that way, that Japanese was our best, most efficient medium of communication. And we'd all laugh when it went that way. Anyway, the amazing food, the awesome night markets, the friendly people, the big-city modern subway system filled with people who automatically give up their seat to someone who may need it more - all of this and more made me love Taipei.

Taiwan in September 2011, a feast for all the senses

In December I took the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). It's changed since I took it a million years ago, so I took the same level again, Level 3, but this time it's a bit harder and renamed N3. I actually hardcore studied Japanese in preparation, something I hadn't done in years (studied anything, really). I felt prepared. On test day, at first much of it was really easy, making me feel like I would pass with flying colors, and then there was the reading and grammar section that may have annihilated me badly enough to fail the whole thing. Results come out in February, so we'll see. In either case, I plan to take N2 (the next hardest) this year. I've already started studying for the July test. While I can get by in my day to day life in Japan, it's a little embarrassing how broken my Japanese still is after so many collective years of living here (3 years many moons ago, and 2.5 yeas now, not counting the 4 years of supposed study in college, where, looking back and comparing to recent college grads, the last two years of it were a bullshit waste of money because we were not required to actually use any Japanese - it still shows).
In December, I also went home for Christmas for the first time in many years. Tom met me in Chicago. Then we went down to Tulsa. I packed up a bunch of my stuff for him to take with him when he moves up to Chicago this year in advance of me. That's the plan. Chicago next. At least for a few years, and we'll see from there. As much trash as I talk about Oklahoma (we don't see eye to eye on 99% of political/social issues dearest to my heart), it was sort of hard not to listen to country music while looking at that gorgeous Oklahoma-style sunset and romanticize the best parts of it. I can't go from here back to there, though. We know this. Still, any of you who were reading back in the day know how much our pit stop in Tulsa saved us by having a job for Tom when Portland didn't. We took a chance, a big leap, sending him there, then grandly reuniting there when I lost my job half a year before I'd move to Japan. Tulsa worked out for us and will always have a place in my heart.

That amazing Tulsa sunset, January 2012.
This is straight out of camera, in all it's glory.

It's January. A new year. A time for resolutions and new starts. Most people have this conversation around the first of the month. It's halfway through it, and I'm just now getting around to thinking about it. From above, I know that I want to learn my camera better and find a reason to use the extra lens I bought with it. I want to take and possibly even attempt to pass the next level of that Japanese test. Tom and I plan to meet somewhere in May for Golden Week (last year, it was amazing Thailand), but we don't know where yet. In any case, I'd like to visit at least one country for the first time this year, ideally with my love. I debate whether I want to get all the way back into blogging and all that it ends up entailing. Part of me wants to because I do miss it, but I don't miss how consuming it can become. So, no promises, but I would like to not be such a stranger around here. We'll see.

To anyone still reading this, thank you for reading.

Thinking Out Loud

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 06:38:00 +0000

Just feel like dumping some of the pick a mix variety of junk food crowding my head and wasn't sure where to put it since I don't exactly keep a journal. So y'all kind of are my journal for right now. Thanks/sorry.

Yesterday marked 4 months since the huge earthquake and tsunami that devastated much of Japan. People are still suffering in shelters that once had no heat in the snow and now have no AC in the hot and humid sauna known as summer in Japan. This makes me sad. As far away from it all as I was, I was reminded today of how much the experience of even just being where I am has imprinted itself on the core of my being. It's one of those things that I think will always be there. For those directly impacted, times are still very, very tough. Yet, we where I am and most places where they are not continue to carry on like all's right in the world. Life is just like that.
My original kitten that came back from Japan with me in 1998 after my first time doing this is in poor health. He's old. Lots of stuff is going on at once - infected ear, upper respiratory system and eye are preventing him from eating properly and requiring my dear Tom to feed him with a syringe and do a hydration thing under his skin along with various pills and other things that make cats angry. Thankfully we have good friends willing to take over his care for the weekend because...
Tom is going to Chicago this Friday to meet my family. We've been together nearly a decade. So, yah, it's time for them to all meet. I think they will all love each other, and I'm thrilled for them.
I will be there, too! I sent my luggage ahead today. See, I don't drive here, but lugging a suitcase around on trains and up and down stairs to/from train platforms pretty much is not fun. For 2000 yen (US$25 at these fantastic exchange rates for a girl paid in yennies!), this company will make sure my luggage is waiting for me when I arrive at the airport. I will arrive there on Friday. Japan time. Which is still Thursday America time. I arrive in Chicago at the same time I leave Osaka. No. Really. Literally. 2:35PM. Friday. It's like that time never happens. This weirds me out no matter how many times I experience it. So, yah, Chicago, family, Tom, pizza, Chicago dogs, downtown, meeting with an old friend from junior high and generally just enjoying ourselves is what's on the agenda for the weekend.
Tom is bringing a brand spanking new Nikon D5100 dSLR camera with him to Chicago. It's mine. I bought it online and had it shipped to him.
No, cameras are not actually cheaper in Japan. At all.
Side note tangent thingy: Tofu and luggage delivery service are the only cheaper things I've found so far. Oh, and sushi, but not that crazy spider dragon ninja roll bullshit that passes for sushi back home. Seriously, wtf is that stuff, 'cuz Japan pisses itself laughing when I show them pictures and tell the we call it "sushi." Don't get me wrong. It's sometimes really good (though overpriced). It's just different from real deal soosh. Is all. I ain't judgin'; I'm just sayin'. Is all.
Back to camera stuff. Also, cameras bought here (at least the here where I am, Okayama, not Tokyo) also might or might not have manuals in English. I don't know jack shit about big girl cameras and am already askerd, so I need all the help I can get, but I can't wait to learn and play with it. I think I have outgrown my point and shoot. I'm ready for more. I might never be able to afford to do this in the future, so while the yen is crazy strong and my apartment is subsidized, now seems the right time. OMG, y'all! OMG! Like, the lens comes off, and I can put the other one I bought on there! Whatever that all means. Exciting times ahead.
After the weekend in Chicago, we will go back to Tulsa where I'll be for what remains of the couple of weeks of my vacation/trip to the homeland. I will get to hug my orange kitten mentioned above and also love on my other two meow babies. And Tom. And my friends. I just want to hug everyone. We are headed down to Dallas to see a couple of my other friends from junior high, even. Awesomeness. As much as I do love my wonderful friends here and can't imagine my Japan time without them, I do love coming home and seeing people I've known for more than 6 - 24 months. It feels like Home.
Of course, there is a lot of good food down south, too. I think about it constantly. Japan has a lot of really great Japanese food, which is handy because I do love legitimate Japanese food (see ninja toyota samurai honda hibachi karate roll's cousin above). Oddly, you can get some very decent Indian food here, too. Chinese, too. Definitely not decent Mexican (again, maybe in Tokyo, but it's not the same, and it ain't cheap). Positively no chicken fried steak. Or Arby's. Or Braum's burgers. Or simply salami sandwiches made at home for lunch on Wonder bread with Miracle Whip (or Hellman's/Best Foods for those in that camp) and trashy daytime soaps/talk shows in the background to deny watching. I could go on, but it will only pain me to do so. I intend to eat my way through the trip and come back to Japan fat enough for people to notice. Funny thing is that when they notice, it's common for people to pipe up and flat out say "oooh, 太った (futotta), you got fat, ne!" I just smile and take it as a compliment and an acknowledgement of my job well-done while I pity them for missing out on entire categories of cheesy, fried or otherwise made unhealthy foods.
Japan is looking really green. The weather is stupid hot and humid with little to no air-conditioning, and I hate feeling disgusting and wet all day, but Japan really is beautiful this time of year. It still will be when I get back. And I'll have my camera. Hopefully I'll post some pics. If I recover from the enchilada coma I have planned. When I get back here, it also will probably feel like Home. It always does.
Having two places to call Home is complexly and bittersweetly delicious.

So, yah. There.

Here, I Am

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 12:03:00 +0000

I wandered around near Okayama City's peach fountain last night, having just missed the train back to my tiny town and killing the 50 minutes between the time it was and my next train at the end of a balls hot day in the slightly cooler and breezy night, and I got all nostalgic, grateful, sad, mature and other adjectives that don't neatly fit into simple words. We were 10, bright and shiny and new, the group I arrived with already just one month short of 2 years ago. We were tight. Then about half of us went home last year with tears and beers and goodbyes. Thanks to Facebook it has been fairly easy to keep our promises to keep in touch, unlike back in the old days when it was too easy and all too likely for time and distance to flow and divide like an ever widening river between once solid friendships. Facebook is more like a huge lake (ocean?), I guess, keeping us all kind of in the same big pool, even if we are at opposite ends.

The reason I'd made it all the way out to the "big" city of Okayama on a (gasp!) Wednesday night was that one of our old gang that left last year was back in Japan and back in town to play and reconnect. This was the second of our outings during her visit, this one a little more tame than the Pinball bar and karaoke until 3:00AM reminiscing through reenacting we did over the weekend, evoking happy memories of those of our group that have moved on as we sang "their" songs and said their names aloud. "This one's for him. Remember when he did that silly thing?"

Last night as I talked about the coming year, I looked at the entire half of the table to my right and realized that they would all be leaving or already gone within a month. Those to my left would remain, but none of the original group (though two of them will still be here, just weren't there last night). Old friends. New friends. Time passing like a fast current. Old school izakaya (Japanese pub) with old memories. A new year ahead with new faces and new traditions. Life is so full of then and now and chance and change.

It's weird that I am back here at all. If my life had skewed just slightly differently, the way I thought it was supposed to go back when I was doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, neatly living my life according to some color by numbers pattern that betrayed me and I abandoned in the end, none of this would be doable. One happenstance leads to others that lead to others that sometimes blow up completely and leave you with nothing but a clean slate to start anew with a few precious scraps that you managed to salvage from the past to make into something beautiful in your future.

I stood there for a moment and took it all in. All of it. The city. The fountain. The lights. The little corner bar where it's easy to grab a quick beer when waiting for friends at the fountain that is the default meeting place. Okayama City isn't really all that, and people in Tokyo would laugh, maybe, that we even call it a city, but it is. I love cities, especially in Japan. I want to live in one someday. I like that people are wandering around at 10PM on a school night, that there are trains to catch to get back home and that it's so easy and convenient and safe and nice and awesome here. Somehow this upcoming round of goodbyes reminds me that I, too, will have to say goodbye again. I still have another full year, so there's no point in dwelling on it too much, but I'm allowed to pause and consider and appreciate.

So, if you saw the foreign girl standing near the fountain last night looking wistful and taking pictures that she has already taken 100 times over in the past 2 years, that was me, appreciating. Being grateful down to my toes for this chance. My head full of determination to extract every single second of enjoyment and experience out of this opportunity. Feeling my heart flutter with the contrast of conflicting emotions that adults feel, knowing just how temporary everything really is and how important to cherish what is in front of you. Right. Now.

The new JETs will arrive soon after (or overlapping) the old JETs departing to literally all over the world. It's crazy how many places people are from and go to after living this experience. Hello. Goodbye. Hello. Goodbye. Once in awhile, hello again, hug, beer, goodbye again. Bittersweet. All of it. And I don't know what else to do with all of that other than to take a picture to remember what I felt this summer night and to ramble aimlessly in an attempt to capture something that feels so elusive and release it out into the wild of the interwebz to flow where it will.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

PS. Just because I haven't blogged in awhile and people are kind enough to wonder and ask, yes, Tom and I are still madly in love while he holds down the fort back home. We had the incredible opportunity to meet up in Thailand late April/early May, and it was seven kinds of fabulous. Then I'll be home for a visit in just a few weeks. Every single day I recognize how very lucky I am.

Haiku Friday, Hope and Fleeting

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 02:37:00 +0000

cherry blossoms bloom

ev'ry year, happy or sad

hopeful and fleeting

cheerful time of year

japan in all her glory

renewal in pink

we need this here now

this pink balm for all that's lost

allowing us hope

the world keeps turning

stopping not though we might weep

whisp'ring "must go on"

then at the same time

as poetic things will do

there is the fleeting

bud, blossom, drop and done

before you can say a word

we must live RIGHT NOW!!!

life can go so quick

we just never know, do we?

must CELEBRATE NOW!!!

there IS tomorrow

but who will see it's unknown

is the stuff i think

so, i'll celebrate

blue tarp, conbini bentos*

chuhai, friends, pink glow

i'll smile at the shoes

neatly paired around the tarp

the japanese way

that i sometimes get and don't

but that works well here

japan does spring right

the sakura obsession

makes all things better

*conbini bentos (コンビニ弁当) are the "boxed lunch" sets that you can buy at the convenience store. They are nothing like the rotating hot dogs in the convenience stores in the US at all. These are actually really pretty damn good much of the time. Wanna see pics? There a gazillion if you do a Google image search. Wow.

I'm actually going officially at least twice this year, not counting side trips. Once will be as describe above with the blue tarp and snacks and drinks with friends. Then, I'm also going with some of the older Japanese ladies that sometimes adopt me for tea ceremony related events to some very fancy pants green tea and extra good quality Japanese sweets (wagashi) viewing at some temple where an old priest poet used to go and write back in the day because the view was that inspiring. At least I think that's where I am going or what that all meant. My Japanese can still be iffy. I just know that I need to be outside the school gate at 7:00AM with 2000 yen and my camera in my pocket that day.

Hopefully I'll post some pictures.

Meanwhile, most of you aren't, but if you happen to be in Japan, check out this awesome guide to finding where to celebrate the joy. My favorite picks are Hiroshima at the Peace Park, Tokyo's Ueno Park and Okayama's very own Tsuyama Castle.

The Post Where I Don't Cry on Video. Mostly.

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 08:02:00 +0000

My part of Japan (Okayama) is OK. My neighbors to the north's part of Japan is not OK. I didn't feel like typing, so I said a few things to the webcam in my laptop. It's 10 minutes long. I had some stuff to say.

My Neighbors to the North from Maggie's Mind on Vimeo.

I mentioned some pictures. Pictures are worth a thousand words, which is good because even after all the images stuck in my mind the past two and a half weeks, these leave me speechless. Go have a look. Dang.

I also mentioned giving and said that I'd include in this post, too, links from last post. So, here they are.

Maggie's Favorite Ways to Help (Again)

Second Harvest Japan is a national food bank that collects perfectly good food that would otherwise be wasted, but they are now accepting donations of both items and money for the earthquake affected areas.
Japan Earthquake Animal Rescue and Support (Facebook info page and donation page) and is a coalition of three no-kill shelter groups that were in existence before this tragedy, and they are rescuing and reuniting pets in the affected area.
Socks for Japan (and here on Facebook, and here in Japanese) or is an effort based in Tochigi to deliver socks with notes of encouragement to those in shelters. The FAQs alone provide interesting insight into why it is often best to donate money instead of goods but also how in this case sending socks is a good and doable thing. Seriously, check out this update post. If nothing else, I promise that you will feel good reading it and seeing how huge of an impact a small gesture can make. I promise. I had already sent a box of socks, but this made me want to send even more.
The Red Cross seems to pretty much be there anytime something bad happens. Back in the States long ago, a friends house burnt down, and they were there to help. That was small scale. You know they are everywhere for the huge scale, too. You can, of course give money. If you are eligible and so inclined, it is free to give blood. If you are in Japan, the blood goes here, I think. If not, it can still be a nice way to give, and I went that route so that I could spend a little more money to support some of these smaller organizations. Win-win-win (me, those needing money, those needing blood).
3000 Letters for Japan was started by a member of the JET program, and it is a letter-writing/picture drawing/cheer sharing project aimed at the elementary and junior high school students in the hard hit area of Miyagi prefecture. If you or people you know want to help in some way that does not cost more than the price of sending letters, this is a great project. I think it would also be great for groups and schools wanting to do something but perhaps not having an abundance of resources. If you do this, please see the guidelines. Keep the message cheerful and the English very simple. These are kids. Some are too young to read, and others have just started learning English. Colorful pictures and drawings go a long way. If you sign the letter, they will probably love it more than I can explain. If you really want to do this, but money is tight enough that you need help with the cost of shipping some letters this way, I will see what I can do to help. Let's don't go crazy, now. I cannot finance heavy boxes of correspondence, but I am happy to help a bit if I can and if you need. Holler.

The Brave Face (...That I Kinda Sorta Maybe Get a Little More Now)

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 06:47:00 +0000

Thank you so much for your comments on my last post. I haven't been around to any blogs lately, but, really, still, thank you.

A little more to say today. Actually from ~~yesterday~~ already two days ago when I started writing this and much of it thoughts from last week. Just some reflections, then, I guess, for me, mostly, and you, too, if you care to wander around in my mind. This, too will be rambly. If you like that kind of thing, read on. If not, check back later, maybe.

I'm sitting at my desk at school where everything continues to be life as usual, at least on the surface. Last week I found it exhausting and almost impossible to stand up in front of a bunch of junior high kids and teach classes as if nothing was happening. I felt sort of like a whiny brat on the inside that everyone else seemed to be more easily able to go about the school day like normal. I didn't mean to. It's just that when it started snowing as if it was mid-winter (we rarely get snow here, even in winter), I had to hide the fact that my eyes were welling up knowing that people in the north had no heat. This on top of That, I thought. Salt in the wound. I didn't want to be all depressive and weird, but it was all I could think about. I'll be honest, I still think more about it every time I turn on a light, bump up the heat, put on warmer clothes or dump the last swallow of the glass of water I didn't want. The day it snowed, everyone around me appeared to just delight in watching the snow fall, the way we would have back in January, back when pretty much everyone in Japan had some access to warming basics for winter.

Part of it, despite what a friend who often knows everything tried to tell me, is that all of the teachers I teach with told me that they do not know anyone in the affected areas. I do think it makes a difference in terms of spinning your mind in circles trying to find out information about particular people and thinking of something, anything that you can do to help them as opposed to still being generally heartbroken for the whole set of people affected by this tragedy but without names of individuals on your mind.

Maybe my friend is right that I'm full of shit. Don't care, really. I just know that it was super difficult for me to walk into a classroom and teach when I knew that my friend and sons were safe but didn't know if they were cold or hungry and whether they'd want to come down to where I am for any period of time, when I knew that their husband/father was on his way but didn't know how the heck he'd get up there with no airport, trains not operating and gas scarce and wanting to be available if I could somehow be of help (he has good friends up that way and even more determination, but still, if I could help in any way, I kept saying...). It bothered me that other JETs were still missing (as I write this, one was first reported safe, then missing, and later found to have not made it; another still remains missing), and I kept checking to see if they were OK. I didn't know them, but I imagined how scary it would have been to not only go through such a thing but to also go through it so far from family and possibly with a language barrier. Of course I mourned for everyone's losses. They are no less tragic. Please don't misunderstand when I say that it's just that I felt a kind of connection to these names of others I'd never met but who were here doing the same thing I am. It just hit closer to home, is all, I guess. I cannot explain it further. I hope that makes some sense.

In any case, I wanted to blissfully focus on other things, but it was hard not to think of folks who didn't have the luxury of looking away and tuning it out for awhile. The teachers around me handled it like pros and didn't seem to flinch. The other part of why maybe I struggled to act normal, aside from my belief that my knowing someone made it a little more difficult to focus on other stuff, is that my co-workers know much more than I do about how to gaman and gambaru as a means of dealing with Very Bad Things. They have been learning this forever. Japanese culture has taught them this throughout their lives. I don't know for sure, but I think maybe this made it look like they were contentedly engrossed in the "life as normal" work routine.

Described better than I can here, it goes like this:

Doing One’s Best (Ganbaru)
There are two main concepts of achievement orientation that can be observed almost everywhere in Japan. The most important concept is ganbaru. Ganbaru translates as doing one’s best or never giving up, but it is a bit more involved than this. It also means to finish a task and to never stop until a goal is achieved. Ganbaru is an active process, meaning that one has to try as hard as possible to reach a certain goal. There are many hurdles and examinations in every Japanese person’s life, and to try to overcome these obstacles (even if not successful) is a most important task. People following ganbaru try to achieve a goal or fulfill a difficult task even if it might be very painful. In Japanese society it is considered a weakness to give up a plan or to look for an easier option. Trying as hard as one can (e.g., working very hard to get into a good company or university) is seen as a virtue.

Endurance (Gaman)
The second concept that is worth discussing is gaman. Gaman refers to the ability to withstand and bear something unpleasant that cannot be changed right away and that one has no control over. Going to work on a very crowded Tokyo train during rush hour is a situation where people usually gaman. But gaman can also be seen at the workplace, where people keep working even if they would rather not stay as long as their boss.

Ganbaru and gaman differ from each other. Where ganbaru is an active process and requires people to do something to achieve their goals, gaman is passive and focuses more on enduring and not complaining. However, both concepts are the major reason for Japan’s successful development after World War II. Even today, working hard and trying one’s best are viewed as good attributes, and a good employee is a person who is trying to dedicate as much time and energy to the firm as possible. Ganbaru is the reason for the unbelievable motivation that many Japanese show when it comes to work.

Believe me, neither of these words were new to me. Anyone who has been here more than 5 minutes has heard or been told or told someone to "ganbatte" or "ganbare," conjugations of gambaru which both translate roughly to "good luck" or "hang in there," depending on the situation.

Also, depending on the situation, being told to "ganbatte" has either encouraged me or annoyed me and made me feel in some whiny assed way that whatever concerns I had were not being taken seriously but that I was being told I should shut up and deal with it. You can see how useful "gambatte" can be!

So, here we were, headed to class, the JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) and I, and I felt comfortable enough saying that I was heartbroken, that I had a friend up there with kids and that I didn't know if they were warm and had food and that there were other JETs up there still missing and that generally, I was having a hard time being my usual cheerful and genki (enthusiastic, energetic, lively, happy, healthy all in one) self while knowing what was going with our neighbors to the north.

The JTE said to me the very thing I'd wondered about and didn't know I needed to hear until I did. He said "we all feel the same, but we must ganbaru."

I was relieved to hear him say that they, too, were just doing a great job of pretending on the outside not to be devastated inside. It had been really weird and confusing to me coming from a culture where we are encouraged to express ourselves and our feelings more outwardly. Japan takes the cake on being stoic. Also, to my surprise, instead of feeling stung as if it was the "shut up and deal with it" version of gambaru, for the first time, finally, after all this time, I think I instantly got it in a different way and on a different level than I had before, and I knew that he was right. It's not like we could just sit around feeling our feelings and crying and not teach classes. The students were there. It was our job to teach them.

Whether I felt like it or not inside, I just needed to buck up. For the sake and good of the whole of Japan. Even. Somehow. Kinda. I'm still learning about all this. I feel it differently, but I am not sure I can explain it so well just yet.

There is much work to be done in Japan, starting with finding more of the staggering number of people missing and getting this unsettling nuclear issue handled and sorted and getting sufficient provisions to the hundreds of thousands living in shelters (some still without electricity and heat), and that's before we even get into all the aspects of truly moving forward and rebuilding.

Whether I will ever completely be able to pull off the incredible amount of stoicism I see around me, or whether I would ever really want to change it about myself that I just don't have that cultural training, I think I've come to understand Japan a little differently on the bigger scale of what always puzzled me a bit on the smaller scale. Stuff like how the elementary school kids here often wear shorts on the way to school in winter to toughen them up (I'm never sure if Japan is pulling my leg when people tell me that's the reason). This is how Japan works, and it works for Japan. Japan will put on a brave face and will be OK. It's just what they DO.

Of course, I have much more to say. And, again, maybe I will. Or not. I can't promise. For now, I'm just walking around with a stiff upper lip during the day and going home and finding hopeful stories or charities to support while I cry in my bowl of miso soup for this country that I love and hope that Japan gets well soon. Maybe the teachers at my school are doing the same. Maybe not. Either way, it's really none of my goddamn business, anyway, what they are doing if they don't want to openly tell me. It's weird to even admit that I am this affected when I am nowhere near where anything bad has been going on. I worry that you will think that I am trying to paint myself as a victim of something by even admitting how sad I am for Japan and everyone in the affected areas when I am trying to say the exact opposite. Still, I want to say these things. I want to trust that you might get it and not judge me for being human and putting my feelings on display.

Last thing. I mentioned some ways to help the other day, but I want to really highlight them by listing my favorite ones here. This is not an exhaustive list of the good ones I've seen, just the ones that I personally have supported and would come to mind if a friend asked me. Good thoughts and nice prayers are good, but I can't help but think that good deeds will have a more direct and personal impact. One of these is almost free. In fact, if money is an issue on that one, holler, and I pledge, within reason, to make it free for you. More on that in a sec. Here we go.

Maggie's Favorite Ways to Help

Second Harvest Japan is a national food bank that collects perfectly good food that would otherwise be wasted, but they are now accepting donations of both items and money for the earthquake affected areas.
Japan Earthquake Animal Rescue and Support (Facebook info page and donation page) and is a coalition of three no-kill shelter groups that were in existence before this tragedy, and they are rescuing and reuniting pets in the affected area.
Socks for Japan (and here on Facebook, and here in Japanese) or is an effort based in Tochigi to deliver socks with notes of encouragement to those in shelters. The FAQs alone provide interesting insight into why it is often best to donate money instead of goods but also how in this case sending socks is a good and doable thing. Seriously, check out this update post. If nothing else, I promise that you will feel good reading it and seeing how huge of an impact a small gesture can make. I promise. I had already sent a box of socks, but this made me want to send even more.
The Red Cross seems to pretty much be there anytime something bad happens. Back in the States long ago, a friends house burnt down, and they were there to help. That was small scale. You know they are everywhere for the huge scale, too. You can, of course give money. If you are eligible and so inclined, it is free to give blood. If you are in Japan, the blood goes here, I think. If not, it can still be a nice way to give, and I went that route so that I could spend a little more money to support some of these smaller organizations. Win-win-win (me, those needing money, those needing blood).
3000 Letters for Japan was started by a member of the JET program, and it is a letter-writing/picture drawing/cheer sharing project aimed at the elementary and junior high school students in the hard hit area of Miyagi prefecture. If you or people you know want to help in some way that does not cost more than the price of sending letters, this is a great project. I think it would also be great for groups and schools wanting to do something but perhaps not having an abundance of resources. If you do this, please see the guidelines. Keep the message cheerful and the English very simple. These are kids. Some are too young to read, and others have just started learning English. Colorful pictures and drawings go a long way. If you sign the letter, they will probably love it more than I can explain. If you really want to do this, but money is tight enough that you need help with the cost of shipping some letters this way, I will see what I can do to help. Let's don't go crazy, now. I cannot finance heavy boxes of correspondence, but I am happy to help a bit if I can and if you need. Holler.

Still more to say. Maybe later. Considering doing another vlog. It feels easier to talk than to type out the things I want to say. While I'm at it, if you are wondering about some aspect of this whole big mess, I probably can't give you the technical details, but I don't mind sharing my thoughts. Or you can just let me ramble aimlessly. That works, too.

Go hug someone today, OK? Let's spread a whole bunch of love around and cherish people that make us smile and then go make others smile. Peace.

I Have Much More to Say

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 06:23:00 +0000

After my last post on the day IT happened, I'm still speechless, really. Yet I have so much to say. This week has been a sad blur of tears, heartbreak, worry, compassion, deeper understanding of the Japanese spirit, new friends, old friends and too many more to mention.

I haven't blogged in ages. When I do write, I try to keep it concise and on point and maybe even summed up with a cute little bow at the end. This post will not be like this. In many ways, I write this not for you, but for me and then still knowing that you will read. And that's OK. I don't mind letting you in. I also don't mind if you stop reading because of it being an incoherent jumble. I promise nothing, but something is telling me to put this all in writing, whether to just get it all out or because I may look back and wonder some day. Already there is so much I've forgotten, and the days all run together.

Before we get underway, please remember that I am in Okayama Prefecture, my power has not once so much as flickered, I have felt not one shake of any of the (very many) earthquakes, there were no tsunamis here, and there are no elevated levels of radiation in my water, food or air. For your reference, it's northern Japan, up near Sendai and Fukushima, that you are seeing on the news. If you aren't sure where this all is, go look on a map to see where that is and where I am. ~~I will wait~~. Here, I'll make it easy. Okayama is just above and just to the right of Ehime Prefecture in green below, on the big island (Honshu), not the little on (Shikoku).

K, here I go.

A new old friend that I "met" (might get to this later) during this past week through a mutual friend who was in peril and who he was able to help beyond sending money and wringing his hands as I was doing, said that this was the longest week of his life. Even being way down here, I have to agree. I don't even know how to start writing all of this unless I go sort of chronologically and see what falls out onto my keyboard.

March 11, 2011
Just after 2:46PM Japan time last Friday, March 11th, I was sitting in the teachers' room at my school getting ready to leave in 14 minutes. I expected to spend the weekend reflecting on my Mom's birthday and anniversary of her death. I knew it would be sort of an emotional weekend for me. Looking back, it's weird how I had no idea how much so.

I was online and saw that a huge earthquake had hit, I thought, Tokyo. I wondered if this was The Big One (the predicted Tokai Earthquake) I'd feared the entire time I lived in Shizuoka back in 1995-1998. It wasn't, by the way, the Big One, if you wonder. That's yet to come someday. Tokyo gets a lot of earthquakes, but even minutes after it struck, it sounded pretty serious. Nobody in the teachers' room seemed to be aware, so I mentioned it to one teacher, saying "hey, did you hear about the earthquake that just hit Tokyo?" to which she replied "you mean Sendai? Yah, I heard about it," and busily skittered off to wherever. Graduation would be the next week, so everyone was very busy with preparations. I already felt a little weird that I was the only one who appeared to have any reaction.

I went home, decided not to go to the gym (I've been running on the treadmill - different post for a different day - and was about to complete the Couch to 5k program) and did something I never do here. I turned on my ancient ass TV. The images were horrifying. The tsunamis had come. You've seen the images, surely, of homes and cars and people with no chance being swept away. I won't be linking any videos, but they are all over YouTube. I don't need to watch them. I can't make the images I saw on TV leave my mind. More on that later, maybe.

I'd already emailed a friend in Tokyo to make sure he was OK (he was on business in Pasco, WA and had no idea what I was talking about ) and had heard from others on Facebook (a major source of information during this past week), and I marveled at the incredible engineers who had designed Tokyo's tall buildings to sway and not fall. They'd been anticipating the Big One mentioned above. If any city was ready for the largest earthquake Japan had ever seen, it was Tokyo.

I soon realized, though, that what happened in Tokyo was very small potatoes compared to what was going on north of there, closer to the epicenter and where, more tragically, the tsunamis were hitting. At 3:41PM, I emailed my friend Patty who I just knew lived in Miyagi Prefecture with her two school aged boys. Much of the scariest footage I was seeing was coming out of there. Later, still with no reply, I would learn more specifically that they lived in Kesennuma, Miyagi, one of the hardest hit areas. As the night went on, or maybe it was already into the next day, I was hearing of an entire town not terribly far from theirs (a 20 minute train ride) basically washed away with more than half of it's population presumed dead. Those who survived seemed to have lost everything. I knew that my friend and her boys didn't live exactly there, but it was so close and still a place close to the coast. I have never been so worried for someone in my life. I cried and worried, constantly checking anywhere I could online to see if they were OK. Of course, there was the Google Missing People Finder thingy, and there was a Facebook group, too, for people in Miyagi or concerned for others who were. Or maybe that was the next morning that I found those. Either way, I got one hour of sleep (went to bed, got woken up, couldn't go back to sleep) and remained sad, worried and in disbelief.

This is going to be a very long post. Maybe I'll make it more than one. But let me back up a minute to Patty, if I may.

Longtime readers (sounds fancy to say that) may remember this post back in July 2009 when I had just arrived in Tokyo. I had met Patty at our pre-departure orientation in Chicago, and we'd hit it off instantly because we were 2nd time JETs, which is pretty damn rare. We convinced people on the plane ride over to trade seats with us so that we could sit together, and we were joined at the hip throughout Tokyo Orientation. Having done this before and being 10+ years older than the average fresh out of school JET, we had a more clear or at least different perspective on what we wanted out of this experience. We were both coming back because we love Japan and had still more we wanted to see and do and experience here. This had always been like a second home to each of us. Patty was also coming with family. Her oldest boy had been born in Japan back in the day, and he and his brother would come to join her while her husband stayed back home. The boys would come and experience life as Japanese school children first hand, attending a regular school and making friends and being a part of the community. What an incredible experience it would be for everyone. They were headed back to Miyagi, the same prefecture where Patty had been a JET last time, and Patty was super excited. We both were.

And now here we were.

I emailed the embassy to say that her name was listed on the Google People Finder thingy as someone people were not able to contact, I emailed the Tokyo office that kind of oversees the JET Program to let them know the same thing, I got in the Miyagi group on Facebook to see if anyone knew anything about her town. And I hoped. I knew that none of these things would result really in anything, probably, but I thought it couldn't hurt and maybe would give people a place to start, one name among many to try to track down. At 3:15PM on Saturday, March 12th I got word that Patty had tracked herself down with a phone call saying that she and the boys were alive and in a shelter.

I cried and cried and cried and was so relieved. Although I worried constantly whether Patty and her boys were warm in those cold winter-like nights likely with no heat, according to the reports I was hearing, I thought that the worst was over. I thought that it would be less personal now. I thought that I'd be able to start focusing on other things. I thought that the rest of the weekend and week would be easier. I thought that a major earthquake and devastating tsunamis would be the only bad or scary news coming out of Japan.

Next, I heard that Patty's husband was on a plane on Monday, March 14th, headed to Japan when already many were doing the opposite and leaving. A Facebook group was put together by family to raise money for him to come and get them out, and stayed glued to it for updates. At some point I wound up in touch with their friend in Tokyo helping them with logistics and all manner of support, I'm sure, a guy with a last name almost the same as mine and who also had been a JET back in 1995 out of Chicago like us. I felt immediately connected to him and know that someday we will meet and will be good friends. Instead of being able to look away and focus my attention elsewhere, I continued to wait with anticipation for the moment that Patty's husband somehow reached them (the airport is damaged and closed, as are many of the roads, and gasoline is being rationed, so it's not a simple thing), then their journey further north as a family finally united, heading in the opposite direction of the threat of possible radiation that we were now hearing about (more on this later, maybe, or in another post) and hopefully the hell out of this whole sad mess. Knowing the conversations Patty and I had had about what it meant to get to be here again, or in her case, specifically up there, again, my heart breaks at how they had to leave. All I will say further on that is that I am profoundly sad and heartbroken for them and for all that they lost and all that they left behind.

As I type this, they are either getting ready to head to Seoul or are already there. I've been unable to think of much else until they are safely back home in the arms of loved ones in the States.

Meanwhile, whenever I did shift my attention away from what was going on with my friend, I was hearing crazy talk about radiation, the death toll and numbers missing were becoming more staggering, people were still suffering in the cold without heat in winter temperatures, my students were graduating, more earthquakes were happening where other friends lived in a place I used to call home, I was putting together an emergency kit and considering possible escape plans that I doubt I'll ever have to use, people were arriving in my prefecture from Tokyo as a precaution, huge aftershocks were shaking people already very much on edge out of their sleep still (as I've been typing this, Tokyo people have twice lit up Twitter with reports of more earthquakes - they are fairly constant, still), a shit ton of foreigners were leaving Japan entirely, people back home were asking me if I was coming home, I was giving blood (an experience in itself in a foreign language) and money for the animals and for food/supplies and notes with socks away to help while still feeling so sad and so unable to look away for fear that it meant I wasn't paying attention to the voices of those suffering.

And in my own very insignificant way that I hesitate to say because I don't want it to be misunderstood as if I've suffered anything at all compared to those who truly have, all the way over here, far from harm's way, it was destroying me on the inside. Compared to the plight of others, it is nothing, but I am just still not right, right now. I will be. And I've learned so much about myself and about the Japanese spirit that I want to share with you maybe later, but I am not quite right after this week. It has changed me. Things are on my radar that I never thought would be.

It's surreal.

I want to tell you more. I want to say some more to get it out. This is enough for now, though. This is enough for this post. Maybe later. You know I never promise to write stuff here anymore, but maybe I will. If not, I leave you with this to keep in mind about what you may be hearing in your media and why I am not freaked out as much as you might be. I love Japan. This is my home right now. I believe in these people. I believe in Japan's spirit. If anywhere can put on a brave face in spite of tragedy and rebuild and restore themselves, it's Japan. That said, yes, please do know that I am paying attention. I know or am doing my best to always know as much as I can aobut what is going on in Fukushima. I never thought the day would come that I would know the word nuclear reactor in Japanese and that it would roll off my tongue, even.

One more thing, then really I'll get to wrapping this up. Not to make light, at all, but for a lighthearted approach to explaining the nuclear power plant situation in Japan, there is this by, of course, the Japanese, the only people I know who would think to use anime about farts and poop to explain it all in a way that is better and more understandable than any media source I have seen. It's in Japanese, but it is subtitled. Enjoy seems the wrong thing to tell you to do, but, well, I guess, enjoy. (?)

Did it make things a little more clear?

One more last thing related to all of this radiation talk. While I am staying put, I do not judge anyone for fleeing, no matter where in Japan they may be or whether they are headed just down here where I am (reassuring, that) or out of the country entirely (less reassuring, that). Foreigners are taking some shit, tongue in cheek shit, I hope, it sounds like, for fleeing in droves, even from places like relatively safe Tokyo (though I have seen first hand people appearing to have something along the lines of PTSD even from there) or where there has been little effect, like Osaka where some US study abroad programs have chosen to evacuate students. To any criticism of those headed elsewhere, I say that nobody knows what the future holds, and it's none of anybody's damn business, anyway, what people choose to do for their own peace of mind.

For now, please remember the people in the northern part of Japan who are struggling. If you are so inclined, please click on the links above to give blood or money or socks along with your good thoughts. There are lots of other great charities, too, but those are the ones closest to my heart.

OK. That's all for now, for real. Thank you for your messages of love and concern. Imagine me giving you a big group hug while we all wrap our arms around Japan, too and think some get well soon type of thoughts. Thank you for reading this. Whoever you are, if you've made it to here, I love you. Please go spread some extra special love to someone today, too, OK?

OK Here

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 12:12:00 +0000

Thank you so much to all who have contacted me concerned after such devastating earthquake and tsunamis. Where I am is fine. Zero shaking, no threat of tsunami. Lots of folks up north of me are in a whole lot of trouble, though. Watching the news is surreal. I am mostly speechless but wanted to say that much.

I'm Official

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 00:27:00 +0000

For a few years now, I have been stalking the domain maggiesmind.com for what should be a pretty obvious reason. Nothing was being done with it, but it was registered to someone else. Last night while wasting time online under my warm kotatsu, I looked again, just on a whim. And guess what?! It was available. So now it's mine all mine. You can still get here the old way, but it will redirect you to the new way at MaggiesMind.com. As far as I know, if you are kind enough to be subscribed to this blog (thank you!), you shouldn't have to do anything. Maybe. Oh, hopefully.

Guess this means I should consider getting back into blogging somewhat more regularly again. I might, though it will still likely be somewhat sporadic. No promises and all of that. I enjoy the freedom.

While we are here, I'll give a quick update.

So, yah, it's winter in Japan again. There is still no heat at my school. Daytime temps have been around 45F/7C (sometimes colder) which is fine when you have heat and surprisingly chilly when you don't. I wear layers. I've rekindled my love of knit tights that I hadn't worn since I was about four years old. Some days I wear more than one pair (this year they have some of the footless ones available, too, which is nice as the second layer). I feel fortunate that one room of my apartment has a really decent wall unit heater/AC. The good news is that I spend most of my time in this room. The bad news is that it is not in the same room as my shower. I do have a kerosene heater in my kitchen, though, so that when I exit my shower into my kitchen, my bits and parts don't freeze off.

Christmas is coming. Most of my lessons recently have been dedicated to educating the youth of Tiny Town that ~~they do Christmas wrong~~ we do Christmas differently in my country. They seem genuinely shocked that we do not eat KFC on Christmas Eve or Day, among other things mentioned in passing at the link above. I got a care package the other day from my favorite former JET and Irish friend who lives in Okinawa near one of the US military bases and where all things American are available for purchase if you have friends on the inside. She does. She took a guess about what I might miss, and I now have candy canes, eggnog (you can get it in a can - who knew?) and a huge smile.

Winter vacation is almost here. Japan basically shuts down for a few days for New Year's. I mean like shuts. down. There is the possibility of no access even to the ATM for a few days. Last year around this time I did a big travel thing to Nagasaki, Beppu and Matsuyama. It cost just a little less than a plane ticket home would have. This year I'm all about saving money with this continued excellent exchange rate, so this year I am sticking a little more local. I'm just doing an overnight in Osaka at a capsule hotel so that I can check it off my list and also probably a big shrine visit on New Year's Eve since it's the Japanese thing to do and something I've never really done (other than a very tiny local shrine once years ago). I'm also signed up for a morning of pounding the living hell out of special rice in order to turn it into mochi at a mochi making event (mochitsuki), another huge tradition in Japan that I've yet to experience. So I have a few things going on, but I'll mostly be taking a relaxing breather and hanging out at home or venturing just to super local places (like nearby cities that have Starbucks and other coffee shops). Cheap and heavenly. I might treat myself to a massage. We'll see.

And, so, that's what's going on here.

The Most Confusing Time of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (maggie) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 06:09:00 +0000

Yep, I kinda got behind a little again. It was a crazy busy week last week. Just to let you know that I'm still here, I'll share my latest status update on Facebook. It went like this:

My complex feelings related to Christmas are here early this year. Magic, sadness, joy, longing, warmth, coldness, childlike giddiness, tired-adult-like-over-it-ness, happy memories, sad reflections. All with the desire for an eggnog latte that will not materialize, no matter if my Santa is bigger than yours. Still, this chai tea warms my hands and balances the swirl of contradictions in my soul. Let it snow?

Just a warning that we are soon heading into the confusion known as Christmas in Japan, complete with Christmas cake, advanced reservations for KFC chicken, 8 fewer reindeer, Valentine's Day-like romance on Christmas Eve, and presents on pillows from a Finland-based Santa who's never heard of the North Pole. Good times, hopefully with pictures and regular-ish blogging. Maybe.