1. Make time for yourself
During the busyness of this time of the year, the round of parties, social obligations, visits with families, shopping, special events, etc. we can easily be thrown out of our natural rhythms. Things like healthy eating, getting enough sleep, exercise and quiet time can go by the wayside in a hurry. Try not to let yourself become overloaded.  Make some time each week for exercise, even if you just take a twenty minute walk three times a week. Give yourself some downtime away from the television or computer to relax – journal over a cup of hot tea; light a candle during time set aside for prayers or meditation; take a nice hot, soaking bath with a little lavender oil thrown in to enhance the experience.

2. Focus on what’s really important – the people and the relationships you value
Too often during this time of the year, people get focused on the wrong things – thoughts about things or how things are supposed to be, to be more specific. Wouldn’t it be lovely if

• instead of obsessing over the spilled grape juice on the table cloth, mom could focus on the love of her toddler?
• instead of becoming disgruntled about the political beliefs of his daughter’s boyfriend or that new tattoo on his son’s arm, dad could just be happy they came home to spend time with him?
• instead of being grumpy that my sister-in-law didn’t give me something I like, I could appreciate the gift of her needlepoint and her presence in my life?

Rather than clinging to an angrily buzzing hive of “supposed to bees”, try to be open-hearted to the new people, ideas, and experiences that come your way. Even if they’re not exactly what you thought you wanted. After all it is just a thought and thoughts can change.

3. Give of yourself in ways that bring you and others joy
True giving begins in the heart. Do you have certain things you love to do and that you know others appreciate? This is a great time to do those things! My grandmother always baked biscuits for the family reunion her family held every year on December 26th. She would bake eight or nine dozen and her brother-in-law would fill them with fried country ham.  It was something they loved to do – even if it was a lot of work – as a gift to their family. My mother puts together shoe boxes of school supplies for a children’s charity. These activities are ways of adding meaning to your experience of the holidays. Is there a women’s and children’s shelter nearby in need of gifts or supplies for the children? Is there a homeless shelter that could use a hand? Is there a community food or toy drive you could spend a few hours volunteering with? Particularly at this time of the year, these types of help are very needed and much appreciated by both the organizations and recipients they help. Don’t do it because you think you should. Do it because you are moved from within your heart to do it!

4. Don’t allow yourself to be burdened by the expectations of others
Whether its special diets, unreasonable demands for gifts or a spouse who hates the holidays, if it doesn’t feel reasonable for you to accommodate the expectation, politely let them know that you won’t be doing so. Let other people adjust – at least some of the time. You are not obligated to do more/spend more/give more/be more (or less) than you genuinely want to.

5. Plan ahead to give yourself time and space to breathe
Whether hosting others or traveling out of town, whether out shopping for gifts or groceries, give yourself extra time for both the ordinary and the extra activities during this time. Everyone is busy. Many are in a hurry and some are very stressed. Try to as much as you are able to keep yourself out of the fray. If traveling or shopping with young children, planning ahead especially pays off with fewer tears or tantrums. Have snacks, water, and activities for the car on hand. Touch base with restrooms periodically, and make sure young ones get the rest they need to function. With some foresight and planning, everyone will have a better chance to be more relaxed and happier during this season.

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Growing up as an “army brat”, I noticed that as I got older, the changes were more difficult to simply accept. I came to envy my more rooted friends and found myself railing against yet another move I had to make, forcing me to once again leave beloved companions and community behind and start all over again in a new place. Because of this near constant change in my early life, I grew weary and developed a resistance to change.

For me, change became synonymous with moving because I did it so often. As a young adult, I decided to get married and settle down, believing that would limit the changes in my life.  Not surprisingly, that turned out to be counterproductive and only invited even more change into my life.  I had made 12 moves and attended 12 schools by the time I went to college after my junior year of high school. I made 17 more moves – five of them interstate – within the next nine years. Most of these were the result of living with and eventually marrying a man who followed the teachings of the I-Ching –The Book of Changes. Guess I should’ve known better!  The marriage lasted a few short years.  I was burned out on change!!!

A couple of years after that marriage ended, I married again and had two children.  There were four moves over the next nineteen years. Practically static!  There was just one little problem.  I had not just settled down — I had settled. That is not a criticism of the man I married. We were simply poorly matched. (Note to self: Don’t marry someone who has lived 500 miles away during most of your courtship.)  Somewhere in the first few years of the marriage, I realized that the relationship wasn’t working for me. I stayed anyway, thinking it was best for the children.

Then one day Change – that old nemesis that hadn’t shown her face in quite some time – broke down the door of my complacency, leaving me rattled.  As I felt the fresh air blowing in, saw the sunlight, and heard the birds singing outside in the trees, suddenly Change didn’t seem so scary anymore. She seemed more like a crazy old aunt whose unpredictable behavior shakes up family gatherings. She lets long-buried secrets fly from her lips and flings open the closets where the skeletons have been stashed.  Some members of the family are horrified. Others politely avert their eyes in embarrassment, pretending they don’t hear or see anything. I was among those who felt relieved, thinking “it’s about time someone told the truth around here!”

So change comes to us in many forms. Sometimes she is unbidden and we have to adapt as best we can. Rarely do we open the door and invite her to be part of our lives, if only for a while.  And rarely does she come at a convenient time!

We can – and often do — choose to fight change — as I once did — or we can learn to embrace it.  That is what I finally did the day she stormed down my door. I took a deep breath and opened my arms wide to embrace her in all her prickly discomfort, and despite my certainty that she was going to wreak havoc. Which, of course, she did. It was painful and hard (there was a divorce) and I had to make some difficult decisions along the way (moving far away from my teen-aged children has been by far the most difficult), but I am glad I accepted her. I’m not settling any more. I am growing and challenging myself and living a love and joy-filled life.

This post has focused on change when it shows up uninvited and unexpectedly in your life. In Change, part 2, I’ll examine how we can intentionally choose to create change in our lives, the benefits of choosing it, and the steps we can take in creating it.

How has change showed up in your life? How have you dealt with it? What are your strategies? I’d love to hear from you. Please comment below.

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I don’t believe that as mature adults, Child, Sanders or Joosten had dreams of becoming famous.  They were just doing what they were inspired to do. Most of us have dreams of accomplishments – of learning, doing, creating. We envision ourselves making a difference in the lives of others. In that regard, those of us unencumbered by the spotlight of renown have much in common with these three famous examples of mid-life blossoming.  We can learn to use the same ingredients they used to create our own transformations. In order to do that, three things are necessary.

First you need to have a vision. It doesn’t have to be of a new career or a big change in your life. What is it that you want to do that you aren’t currently doing? Does this vision come from deep within your own being? When you look at the world, how do you most desire to engage with it? What big idea makes your heart hum with joy?

Next you need to believe that you can accomplish that vision. If you aren’t sure, look at your life so far. What accomplishments and abilities do you already have that are transferrable in helping you to create your new vision? If you’ve reached mid-life, you’ve certainly acquired many skills by now. If realizing your dream truly requires new skills or knowledge, then go get them. Just be sure you aren’t using that as an excuse to hold yourself back out of fear. Which leads us to  . . .

The third thing that you need is the willingness to take risks. You must be willing to fall – to drop a chicken on the floor in front of thousands of television viewers as Julia Child famously did – and keep on going. You are going to have to do things that are going to pull you outside of your comfort zone. You may feel uncomfortable if for no other reason than because you have never done them before. That’s when your vision becomes important as a magnet drawing you forward to the next step.

All three of these ingredients – vision, belief, and the willingness to risk – are necessary to make a dream a reality. It’s not hard, but it takes self-awareness, courage, and perseverance. Working with a life coach can help you uncover these qualities in yourself and can also help with the necessary work of clarifying your vision, realistically assessing your skills and abilities and creating a step-by-step plan of action so that leaving your comfort zone is not only possible, it becomes an exciting journey of discovery!  If you’d like to find out more about working with a life coach, you can read more on the home page of this site or you can start the work of clarifying your vision with my free mini-course.  The sign-up form is in the upper right column.

Have you been able to bring a dream into reality in your life? How wonderful!  What did you do?  How did you do it? Do you still have a dream you want to give birth to?  I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments section below.

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In aboriginal societies, everyone sings. Everyone dances. Everyone makes things. Creativity is not an endeavor separated out of everyday life, with creative activity being carried out by a select few. On the contrary, it is intimately interwoven with philosophy, education, economics, and social structures. The “arts” are integrated into the whole of culture and community. They serve as a means for building on and focusing the collective energy and wisdom of the people.

We have lost touch with our creative birthright in our modern industrial world, and we are the poorer as people for the loss. We have allowed “experts” and academics to convince us that creativity is the exclusive domain of a special and unusually gifted few and that the rest of us need to leave creative pursuits to the “artists”, to those who have the proven talent to deliver perfection – or at least something close to it – in the service of their art.

We unthinkingly let someone else decide for us what is worthy of our attention. Advertisers are frequently the deciding factors in what we watch, what we read, what we listen to, what we buy to adorn our homes or our bodies, the events and activities we participate in. They tell us what is cool, what is hip, what Is “art”, and we passively consume the mediocre, mass-produced artifacts of someone else, rather than create for ourselves. We fail to tell our own stories, sing our own songs, paint our own pictures, or dance to our own drum.

Creativity Is Your Birthright

Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
~Henry van Dyke

It’s time we stop letting the guardians of Art silence our creative voices – even if we sing off key! We have a right to join in the dance of life, even if we miss a few steps now and again or our timing is slightly off. If it is an authentic expression of our heart, who cares if our poetry is at the level of Shakespeare? We spend too many years under the thumb of “not good enough” and our lives suffer as a result. There are reasons for engaging in your own creative life that have nothing to do with performing for an audience, getting published, or being hung in a museum (come to think of it, that last one sounds sinister sound anyway!).

Do yourself and your community a favor – dabble a bit. Engage in some creative exploration until you find something you love, something that allows you to express your inner joy, something that feeds your inner fire! Find some other people who love to do that same thing and come together to do it. Start an amateur improv troupe, an old-fashioned quilting bee, a barbershop quartet. Participate in a poetry slam, National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), or a film festival. Just have some fun and experience your own creativity and aliveness! As you do, please share what you’re doing here! I’d love to read about it!

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is magic? What does it mean to “find the magic in you”? Does it mean learning stage tricks like a performer to amaze and mesmerize an audience?  Or does it imply a belief in conjuring things outside the laws of nature through spells and incantations?  For me the answer to both of these is a resounding “No.”

I believe true magic is to be found in each of our hearts, that it is an unshakable force, a dream or a vision that can motivate and guide us to shine our unique light in the world.  We activate it by our openness to discovering and acting in unison with this force in our hearts.

Once you develop an understanding of the fire in your heart and connect with it, once you begin to take intentional action motivated by that fire and passion, your dream, your vision begins to come alive in your life, because you have found the magic in you.

Finally, it is important to tend this fire in your heart once you are aware of it. Of course the ember is always there, always glowing gently, but if you would bring its full power into the world, you need to feed it.  Each fire is as unique as the person in whom it burns.  If you don’t already know what fuels and nurtures your passionate dream or vision, then you need to discover it.  It is usually found in the things that inspire you or in the things that break your heart.  For some of us it might be time spent on a quiet, contemplative walk in the woods. For others it might be time spent in a lively political discussion group.  For still others it could be working with people in challenging circumstance – abuse survivors, impoverished children, or victims of war.

As you look into your own heart, what are some of the things that inspire and nurture your dreams?  Please share them below if you are willing.  You’ll be inspiring others!

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