Magick Sandwich

Magick Mini Movie Reviews #2

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 13:13:00 +0000

At Magick Sandwich, we watch crap so you won't have to! Welcome to Edition #2 of Magick Sandwich Mini Movie Reviews. And I do mean #2 in the most scatological sense possible. First up: Bride Wars This movie is aggressively unfunny. I expect nothing from Kate Hudson and she delivers. I was once...

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Where Were You?

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:40:00 +0000

Hello, world! So everyone will know where I am during Michael Jackson's memorial service, which I'm sure is very important to you all, I am blogging to you from my Blackberry while taking a dump...at Michael Jackson's memorial service. Well, outside it. They've got golden Port-O-Sans out here....

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Magick's Morning After

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:44:00 +0000

Here at Magick Sandwich, we planned to have the Best Fourth of July Weekend Ever! Here's how our dream inevitably turned into disappointment and self-recrimination. One of the nice things about our apartment in Astoria, Queens is that it has a great view of the Grucci fireworks display every year...

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7 More Good Band Names

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:01:00 +0000

In case you're thinking about dragging out your dusty guitar and playing at your neighbor's barbeque this Independence Day, Magick Sandwich has the ready-made band name for you. Culled from a very scientific investigation involving those Captcha words that one is forced to spell out in order to...

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Summer of Sandwich: the Magick Lives On

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Today I declare my independence...from having to think of something new. A year ago, in desperate need of readers, I printed a copy of the following post and took it with me to a doctor's appointment. Great Gifts for Depressed Friends! Hey, everybody! Have you been struggling with what to get...

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Just Another Magick Monday

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:41:00 +0000

newyorker.com Do you ever feel like this guy? More cartoons: My Favorite New Yorker Cartoon raison d'être

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Elton John, Funeral Whore, To Sing at Michael Jackson's Service

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:26:00 +0000

Thursday evening, Elton John paid tribute to Michael Jackson at his annual White Tie and Tiara ball, dedicating his song "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" to the dead pop star. Few people know that Jackson was working on his own version of Elton's classic, tentatively titled "Please Let Your Son...

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Twisted Product of the Week: Latisse

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:00:00 +0000

It's FDA-approved and has Brooke Shields as its "compensated spokesperson"--it must be a miracle product. What is it? It's Latisse! According to the print and TV advertising, this product is for "inadequate or not enough lashes." It's nice of them to want to include customers who don't know what...

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Still More Quotes of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:16:00 +0000

I have nothing to say but it's okay. Here at Magick Sandwich, we plunder others' words for your edification and enjoyment. Today's first quote is a two-fer. I am a proud non-reader of books. -- Kanye West My book is a guide to creating then celebrating your moment! -- Kanye West West is...

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Your Hamptons Summer Rental

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Good news, Little Edie fans! Grey Gardens is available for rent this Labor Day weekend. Its new owners have cleaned up a bit and rental for the weekend will set you back $30,000. But there is one ironic house rule: No Pets.

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Sandwich Fixins #6

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:23:00 +0000

It's that time again, when I find myself a few sandwiches short of a picnic. So I offer you the condiments of my mind with another helping of Sandwich Fixins. ***** When you order Domino's online, you can post your order to Facebook. As technological solipsism reaches its zenith, can the...

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Twitter Tragedy: A Cry for Help Unheard

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:45:00 +0000

Now that my blog is a healthy one year old, I am reposting one of my favorite pieces from a year ago. It was ahead of its time, meaning no one read it. I did get someone on Digg who scolded me because he thought it was a real news piece and Googled it. Sadly, satire doesn't work for everybody. I'm...

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Flat-D: Product of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:50:00 +0000

Do you wake up with a wreath of methane hanging around your head from your significant other's flatus following a Taco Bell bender the night before? Are you oxygen-deprived by the fart machine who works in the next cubicle? Do you enjoy emitting the foul, gaseous issue of your rectum in public...

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Air Sex World Championship Tonight

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 07:01:00 +0000

As if Air Guitar Nation weren't cringe-inducing enough, there's a new way for aficionados of fraud to strut their stuff: it's called Air Sex. Like all great pastimes, this originated in Japan. Its founder, seen here in this seminal footage, explains that it is a competition born of necessity....

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Top 5 Things to Do When You Grow Up

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Just when I'd given up on what to do with my life, this email which Magick Sandwich receives daily has given me the answer! It's not that it has helped me choose a career. I'm just going to stare at it for the rest of my life. It's mesmerizing, isn't it? Like a lava lamp but with Freud instead of...

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3 Great Gifts for Lonely Friends

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 08:01:00 +0000

, The Boyfriend Pillow Shield your friend from that empty bed with the Boyfriend Pillow, available here. It will absorb her tears as she cries, "I have never felt so alone." And it's wearing a nice button-down shirt so she can also dream that it has a job. The Bug Vacuum The "Keep Your Distance"...

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You Can Fix Stupid. It Takes a Bullet.

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:01:00 +0000

Someone dear to me who shall remain nameless was recently spammed at work by the resume of a person I'll call Mr. K. Though the spelling and grammatical errors grated and the cover letter's promise to add value to the company rankled, it was the sheer number of emails that finally got my friend's...

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National Pigeon Day. Again. I'm Not Kidding.

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:01:00 +0000

The first National Pigeon Day on June 13, 2008, was patently absurd. I figured it was some kind of avian fluke. But it's back this year and bigger than ever, taking place again in Central Park in New York City and launching a book heralding this foul fowl. Woody Allen called pigeons "rats with...

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Bulletproof Pocket Square: Product of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:01:00 +0000

The Bullet-proof Gentlemen's Pocket Square from Sruli Recht is the latest in 007-style sartorial elegance. Sold as a "non-product," the pocket square known as The Damned was originally issued in a limited edition of ten two years ago. Back by popular demand, it has been reissued as an open...

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Magick Mini Movie Reviews

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Sat, 30 May 2009 08:01:00 +0000

Here at Magick Sandwich, we watch crap so you don't have to. Yes, I'm talking about Paul Blart: Mall Cop. That's one of the best sight gags in the movie, so if you're not a connoisseur of the chubster pratfall, you should spare yourself the expense of renting it. My first warning was the...

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Bloomberg Declares Burberry Day: WTF?

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:29:00 +0000

I received this announcement via email this morning. Mayor Bloomberg has declared today, May 28, Burberry Day in New York City. Are you kidding me? Supposedly, it's in honor of Burberry's continued investment in our fair city. The fifty foot logo on top of the new headquarters at 444 Madison...

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Karl Rove vs. James Carville

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:11:00 +0000

Last night, I attended the debate between Karl Rove and James Carville at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Charlie Rose served as referee. A small group of protesters milled around outside, calling for Rove's indictment for war crimes. Maybe the forecast of rain kept them away. In any case,...

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Keeping America's Troops Safe

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 25 May 2009 08:01:00 +0000

I'm an avid consumer. Yes, you may thank Magick Sandwich for keeping our economy moving. Like a freight train. Or a bowel movement. Occasionally, I like to recoup some of my losses by selling used books, games and such on Amazon. Recently, I sold one of my husband's Xbox 360 games, Frontlines: Fuel...

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7 Signs I'm Getting Old

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Thu, 21 May 2009 08:01:00 +0000

1. I'm not sure if I'm middle-aged because I don't know when I'm going to die. But with every birthday, the conceit gets closer to science fiction. 2. Two years ago, my husband and I went to Madison Square Garden to hear Ozzy Osbourne. We were deaf for three days afterward and decided (à la Danny...

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Sandwich Fixins

noreply@blogger.com (kathcom) — Mon, 18 May 2009 08:01:00 +0000

At almost every supermarket checkout counter, there are signs saying, "Go Green. Skip the Plastic." If plastic bags are so bad, shouldn't we give this advice to dog owners as well? I'm only saying this because I would love to take a walk and see people bent over, fingers spread like a catcher's...

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