Main Entry: rad·i·cal Pronunciation: \ˈra-di-kəl\

Unschooling College, so far...

2011-11-02T19:23:00.000-04:00

From August 23, 2011:

Again ~ SO much to say, to share... but I only have a moment to share this:
Jake is showing his friends how to unschool college orientation!

From the first moment when we saw the orientation schedule, we were rolling our
eyes. OhMYGod~ such ridiculousness and time-wasters. And yet on their facebook
page, FIT was telling students that EVERYTHING in orientation was mandatory (they
never really seem to *know* much of anything on their facebook page, and I
always "argue" with them... we always joke about how they would be waiting for
me when we come to bring Jake, saying, "You can stay, but your mother has to
leave..." ;). Jake was feeling stressed about this ~ he is CHOOSING to go to
college for the wonderful classes that FIT has (as well as the *growth*
opportunities that happen in choosing this path). This entire silly orientation was not a part of his
choosing. And yet we kept walking forward...as always...in Trust... And I knew
deep down that there was no way they could keep track of every student and say
things were mandatory...

So we all talked about it throughout Jake's move-in day...got a feel from other
people about what they thought, shared our thoughts and opinions with Jake's
friends and suite-mates... and it was decided that Jake would go to the very
first scheduled *meet-up* in case there was a check-in. Jake had made a
reeeeeally good friend on facebook, someone with whom he has very deep
conversations about FEEEEELINGS (just what Jake needs in a friend!), and someone
who was also feeling very sad about leaving her family. We had coffees together
that morning before they set off to see what was going on with the orientation.

Jake got to his group and immediately knew it was Not For Him (and
goodness...Dave and I went to the bookstore and saw the groups and it reminded
me of when Jake was little and did his first *group* thing and he knew in his
heart that it was not for him... and he walked away from *that* one way back
then). The "student ambassador" got out a beach ball and said they would throw
it around and whoever caught it would say their name and their major. Jake
Walked Away. In fact, he walked over to Emily's group and kept mouthing to her,
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HERE!!" She is a schooled girl, so she didn't know what
to make of Jake's suggestion that she just LEAVE after being TOLD to BE THERE!!
But she worked up the courage and she Just Did It!! And as she walked away, she
heard people saying, "She must not have been in the right group..." ;)

They walked away and we LIVED!! We walked to Best Buy to get Jake a TV antennae
and then we walked to Eataly to have lunch. When we were at Eataly, Jake got a
text from his roommate, who wrote: "You were so right. Orientation sucks. I'm
leaving and going to Brooklyn to do the IKEA thing and get stuff for our room."
Back at FIT, we ran into Jake's suite-mate, who said (about orientation), "You
were right! That was so stupid...there is no way that is mandatory and I am not
going back." We encouraged him to follow his heart and just LIVE in that
fabulous city while others are listening to yet another boring blah blah blah
welcome speech by the zillionth person, playing silly *getting to know you
games* that actually do not make ANY "real" connections, or standing around
waiting, waiting, waiting, while OTHERS ask questions to which you already know
the answer. Life and the City Await.

After Eataly, Dave and I (sadly...very very sad for *all* of us...) left. Jake
said he went to his room, cried for five minutes, then got up, and he and Emily
decided to distract themselves from missing their families and go to Brooklyn
and explore. HAD I BEEN THERE, I would have been all, "Here's a map... do you
have money??... see if there's anything on the orientation schedule that you
WANT to go to..." ... but no... I was NOT there... and he left his map up in his
room and yes he did have cash and no, there was nothing on the schedule the rest
of the day that was remotely interesting to him (he had checked). And I was
gifted with photos of their lovely adventures... they took the subway there and
back... they met up with Jake's roommate and suite-mate at a cafe (I was gifted
with a text containing a photo of a very lovely fish taco!)... and they hung out
in a peaceful park with the view of the Manhattan skyline in front of them.

Today, there is something on the orientation schedule that Jake wants to do at
1:40. Until then, he and Emily are walking the Highline together, and then he
is going back to the college to learn about things that he WANTS to learn about
(like how to get his mail, etc.) and then WHO KNOWS WHERE THE DAY WILL
FLOW??!!?!! That's the key to unschooling ~ allowing *life* to show you its
infinite possibilities!!!

All is well.

Dear Younger Jake...

2011-11-02T19:19:00.000-04:00

From July 12, 2011 (Jake is 20 years old here)

Dear younger-Jake,

You don't have to worry. You grow up and you become able to express all of those
really cool ideas that you have and you still love Pokemon.

You don't forget how beautiful the world is, or want to do any less good.

You most certainly still retain your love of monsters, and you remember what it
feels like to be small, and to always wash your hands.

Just so you know.

Love,
older-Jake

There is a time to observe, and there is a time to jump...

2010-10-01T07:44:00.009-04:00

I wrote this post to the glorious Shine with Unschooling community this morning, and in honor of my Jake's 20th birthday (and inspired by my friend, Poppy Jen's, blog sharings...), I wanted to post it here with photos.

Yes. My boy is TWENTY. Isn't that just awesome?? This was my facebook status on September 28, 2010:

A child arrived just the other day, he came to the world in the usual way...but Look! This story is different! From the moment the child's Mom first looked into his eyes, she knew he was here to teach *her*. And so she gave him the sacred space & Trust to do so. Happy Birthday, my Jakey ~ you are a zillion adjectives that describe Goodness... You Are Necessary & Infinitely Valuable to Me and to this Universe.

I have always talked about how Sam came into our lives and showed us how to lighten up and laugh more. Dave, Jake and I had always been so serious before Sam had arrived.

And recently, Jake was having a difficult time remembering himSelf accurately, because of my description. He asked for more clarity: "Was I ALWAYS really serious??"

I apologized for boxing his entire BE-ing into one word...one that wasn't entirely accurate (especially if *he* didn't remember it that way!).

I told him that it wasn't that he was serious...it was just that he preferred to have conversations with adults over being silly with other kids. The weight of the world weighed heavily on his shoulders, and that's what I did my best to remove from him...he had enough weight without the world adding even *more* onto it. That's why before I ever even heard of radical unschooling, the focus of our lives were on SHEER JOY. I also told him that's why he was so loved by so many adults ~ because of his ability and desire to converse with them...

AND we remembered young Jake in the Disney Store. Ohmygoodness...those employees in there just LOVED Jake because he would converse with them about his current Disney passions (much like he would talk about his favorite books and authors with every library employee)!!

I told Jake that there was always such JOY and FUN in our lives (in fact, this is why Dave and I almost *forgot* that we wanted to have TWO children!!...because our lives were so immersed in all that Jake was ~the work he was showing us we had to do AND the JOY he was bringing to our lives!). It's just that we had no idea about *silliness*, really!! ;)

When we were recently at Jake's childhood Disney store again, he was walking around, smiling, remembering (and smelling ~ smelling is always a part of our *remembering*!!) ...and then he got to the back of the store where they have that big pile of stuffed animals. I told him that he was always disgusted with the little kids who JUMPED into that pile of toys...he knew it wasn't what you were *supposed* to do (he was always a rule-follower...this boy who had no rules at home because he was trusted and encouraged to follow his own inner guidance system...) and he would often tell the kids that.

Standing there, looking at the pile of stuffed animals at age 19, Jake confessed, joyfully, that he had a deep desire to throw himself right into the middle of all of those stuffed animals!!

My heart just BEAMED with JOY and LOVE.

I am ALWAYS always grateful for this glorious life...for always listening to, following, honoring and celebrating Jake and Sam (and giving them the sacred space they needed in order to SHINE), but there are some moments when that gratitude is greatly magnified. And standing in the Disney Store with my (then) 19-year-old telling me of his desire to jump into the stuffed animal pile was one of those times.

Happy Happy Birthday, my Jake.
.
.

Dream Beach/25th Anniversary Vacation ~ Tybee Island

2010-03-16T07:18:00.067-04:00

Good Morning!!

My honey and I have been wanting a beach vacation for SO long. We chose to give this to ourSelves as a gift for our 25th anniversary (may 25, 2010)...and we chose to bring our children, our dogs, and Sam's sweetie, Ashlan, with us. It was Sheer Sheer Heaven.

We didn't take any photos our first day here (we arrived Saturday at about 2 p.m.)...I really just wanted to BE on the beach...with my honey and my boys...in celebration of Life and Love and SUNSHINE! It was so exciting to finally *Be* here...and it was as beautiful (more!) as we had imagined.

Sunrise on Sunday...our first morning here...absolutely gorgeous...and this is what we saw from our deck...

Meanwhile...inside...

Monty under the glass table...

And back to that sunrise...looking out our deck to the right...

...looking off of our deck to the left...

This is the gate that we walked through from the condo to get to the beach... After we arrived (after a VERY long drive), we unpacked just a little, and then Dave and I could not WAIT to go for our first beach walk. We were at this gate, looked at each other, held hands and asked, "READY??" And we WERE!!

It was Sunday morning and we saw these people throwing things into the ocean. We were too far away to see what it was...but as we moved closer, we saw that it was fruit baskets...and they threw the WHOLE THING in...including the baskets!!...

If you would like a challenging lesson in humility, rent this condo. It is covered in MIRRORS. Yes. Live life in bathing suits and be surrounded by mirrors for a week. Mm-hmm...lesson in humility...

We had read about the *Breakfast Club* and how great it was. The owner was a chef for JFK Jr.'s wedding. We did not believe a breakfast could be THAT good. We read about the lines that form outside because of its popularity. Dave and I were ready to go and avoid the lines very early, but by the time the CHILDREN got up and around and showered, it was much later...and yes...we had to wait in line.

As we were waiting, a man came out and said that it was the best breakfast of his life. Hmm...we shall see...

Yes...Sam agrees. Best breakfast of his life...

We walked a little around downtown and out on the pier...

This is Fannie's On The Beach...

. . . . .

Yes!! We rented bikes for the week and Jake and I are OFF!! The following are photos taken of sweet Tybee Island while riding my bicycle (I'm talented like that...I can ride with NO hands, too!!...and Dad ~ I didn't crash into ONE trash can!! :)!...

Mardi Gras necklaces are still hanging on trees everywhere...

...

Good morning Sunrise.

My honey took about a dozen of these...yes ~ me walking on the beach, looking down (as always) for seashells! I deleted all but this one... :)

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Hey, kids!! We're goin' to SAVANNAH!!!...

We were going to walk the dogs around Savannah, but Monty wouldn't budge. So the doggies waited in the car while we strolled...

And here, my friends, is the lovely Savannah...

River Street...

River Street...

Jake's photo of the *back* of this shot is oh so beautiful...

We read and thoroughly LOVED Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil before our trip to Savannah and Tybee Island (listened to it on audio, actually...even on the trip down and back...). If you've only seen the movie, you really know *nothing* of the real book. The book is not just the *Jim Williams Story*...the book is Pure Savannah and the city's amazing and unique and gloriously quirky characters.

We felt like we met one of those wonderful Savannah characters... As we were walking back to River Street along Bull Street (toward Johnson Square), this chihuahua (named Tequila) was walking by its owner without a leash, just KNOWING exactly what it was doing...where it was going. We were admiring her, and her owner said, "She owns this street." As we all walked together, we passed by a beauty salon, and in the door was a little puffy bichon frise, dressed in pink with a pink bow in her hair and sitting in a pink bed. Tequila's owner went and knocked on the window and told Tequila that her friend was there. Tequila ran to the dog excitedly, and they both barked greetings to each other, and then Tequila was on her way again.

I'm thankful Tequila agreed to allow me to take her photo...

Back to Tybee Island...thank Goodness. Oh, man...we miss that beach...even just gone for a few hours...

Shrimp boats...

Deliciousness from Savannah Candy Kitchen...

Another gorgeous sunrise...

TREASURE!!...

The view out our front door...the non-beach side is STILL just gorgeous...

We packed up our beach bags and headed to the south beach...it's a bit warmer there...more populated, too. It felt good to be a part of the Spring Break crowd for a little while...

We bought Ashlan a kite...

And they could NOT get the darn thing to FLY!!

So we went and bought a bocce ball set...and a couple daquiris in *to go* (traveler) cups from *Tybee Time*...

Back to the condo and our middle beach...JAKE DID IT!! He rocks. He went on a bike ride and bought Ashlan a new kite...and then he got it to FLY!! It's quite beautiful...

Check out the FULL rainbow that we were directly in the middle of. A-maz-ing!!!!!

We were excited to go to Charly's for dinner...fine dining on Tybee...

Lovin' my lamb lollipops. Charly is awesome.

Oh, we were SO excited! We decided after dinner at Charley's to go get a Starbucks coffee on Johnny Mercer Drive.

After that, we thought we should go a little farther and solve the mystery of a sign we had been seeing on top of a gas station, advertising *Chewy Ice*. We had no idea what it was. But we each spoke our own vision of what we thought it might be. (This got to be quite funny, because even *after* we solved the mystery, we kept voicing our vision of what we thought it was...)

Here we are...ready to go in and find out what this Chewy Ice is...

Are you ready??? Yup. This is it. Small ice cubes. That's it. That's Chewy Ice.

OH, the DISAPPOINTMENT!!!...

. . . . .

. . . . .

Dave and I were quite envious of our neighbor's seashell collection. They had whole sand dollars and large conch's and other treasures that were eluding us. We thought we needed to get out early, before anyone else. So one morning we woke up at THREE A.M. and went out with a flashlight. Nothing. Still nothing.

So we came back in and I got on the computer and googled *How to find sand dollars*. OH SO HELPFUL!!! It talked about high tide and low tide, and so I went and found some tide charts for Tybee Island. And then I googled *How to read tide charts* and we learned and went, "Ah-HA!!" a lot, and got excited for our next day's collecting adventures.

And sure enough...we found some! Oh, man, that feels GOOD when you find a whole sand dollar!! You just wanna do a touch-down dance!!

...

And so this morning, Dave and I went out for *one* more sand dollar. SUCCESS!! The ocean chose to give us this glorious gift. Dave and I saw it at the same time and yelled, "AHHH!!!" We high-fived and did a touch-down dance.

Now when we feel very happy about something..ANYTHING...we say it feels as good as it feels to find a sand dollar on the beach!!

I also told Dave that I wanted to find ONE good conch shell. And my honey found it for me. It's beautiful...

. . . .
Mimosas on the deck for breakfast...

. . .

OK...this is hysterical. I asked my family to gather for a shot, with me holding the camera up. They said it couldn't be done. They said we all wouldn't fit. Then they said, "Let's get the dogs in, too!" This is our attempt at doing just that...Laughing SO hard that we look like we're in pain!! (Poor Monty never quite made it in the shot entirely!!...) ...

Jake and I hopped on the bikes again for another photo session of The Colors of Tybee Island...

Returning from our bike ride, rounding the corner to our condo...looky who we saw!!...

Our Tybee Island home...108B...

Oh, the incredible aroma of this amazing contraband!!...

We love this yellow house that was next to us...

The Shops at Tybee Oaks...

.

Doncha love my honey's vacation facial hair?? Gorgeous.

The beach walk to Marlin Monroe's for lunch...

The Tybee Island water tower marked where our condo was for us...helpful when we were 3 miles down the beach at the pier, walking back...

THE best bloody mary EVAH. Old Bay Seasoning with some hot pepper around the rim...two huge olives surrounding an okra on a pick inside of it... Yumminess.

Outdoor, beach/ocean-view seating at Marlin Monroe's...

Inside Marlin Monroe's...

CHEESEY-BUN!!!!!!...from the little girlie menu... (Man, it is VERY difficult to find decent ~ let alone GOOD ~ vegetarian options in the south!) ...

THE best fish tacos...

The little girlie got a fruit roll-up for dessert with her cheesy-bun...

Two bloody mary's in traveler cups, please...

The short beach walk back to our condo...and the brother-race to the swing-set...

Sam stomping away in "anger"...can you hear his stomp, Stomp, STOMPS???!...

I can't believe I captured Sam's flip-flops in a mid-air drop to the sand...

Sam and Ashlan heading to south beach on the bikes...

South Beach end of Tybee...really really cute and kitschy...but really nothing good is for sale here at all. Nothing. Save your money.

And don't believe anyone in Tybee when they say they have *gourmet* coffees. They Do Not. Drive to the Starbucks on Johnny Mercer Blvd...

I have dreamt of this moment for a long long LONG time...

Yes. It Is Good.

. . . . .

Everyone's teeth are stuck together from the candy we just bought...

Phantom Surfer Dude...

Since we're ALWAYS welcome at Tybee Island, I think we should go back...like now... Ok...maybe tomorrow then...

So...walking back on the beach, I was saying to Dave how I love seeing happy couples and families on the beach together, sometimes with "traveler" beverages in their hands...just so happy to be on the beach, by the ocean, looking for seashells and talking talking talking...with each other... Dave said, "Yeah. So, do you want to get a traveler from Marlin's?"
Hellz, yeah. One pina colada to go, please...

And this is Jake and Sam spotting Dave and I at Marlin's from across the beach and saying, "Ohmygod! They got ANOTHER drink to go??!!" ;)

Beautiful people...inside and out... "Prom" photo #1...

Happy happy, Joy joy... Good decision to cancel our Charley's reservations and head again ~ via a walk on the beach ~ to Marlin Monroe's...

"Prom" photo #2. I love them...

Marlin Monroe's has paper tablecloths and a basket of crayons for your drawing pleasure...

FINALLY! We were at Marlin Monroe's after five, so we got to experience their *Flower Pot Bread*. Yummmmmmmy. And weird looking, too...

Mm-hmm...this is me STILL workin' on my baja-marinated grilled seafood platter, long after everyone else finished their meals. Oysters, huge prawns, two kinds of crab, and sheer deliciousness...

The view as we left our condo early Saturday morning...beauty and Joy and sadness all swirling around us...

Good-bye Tybee. Oh how we love you.

.

Follow Your Bliss...

2010-02-10T10:32:00.004-05:00

We were talking at dinner last night, and Dave brought up the subject of how a nearby town is fining homeowners if their sidewalks aren't shoveled. He suggested to Jake and Sam that it would be a great money-making business...to head to that town with some shovels and clear people's sidewalks so that they don't get fined.

I asked J&S if that was something they were interested in. They were like, "Um...not really." (They already do quite a bit of shoveling-for-money here at home!)

Dave was a bit surprised that they would pass up on a large amount of money, and then the conversation shifted to doing work *just* for money vs. doing work because it's your passion (and you get money from doing your passion!).

I said to Dave, "Ya know...Jake having his job at the library is no accident. He has always LOVED libraries, and even this particular job within the library is perfect for him because he doesn't want to deal with the public."

Jake got very excited and confirmed my comments with this: "Yes!! I honestly remember when I was little, being in the library and thinking about how I would love to work there. AND I clearly remember when we were listening to *The Book Thief*, and they were talking about repairing books, I thought, 'I would love to do that!'"

And that's exactly what he's doing now. His book-shelving job has been extended into book-repairing and he just loves it. He loves touching the books, holding them, contemplating their titles, admiring their covers...and he loves the little treasures that he finds *in* books sometimes, and he imagines the stories behind the object and the person who left it in the book. He gets to put his music on and be in his own beautiful world of books while he's repairing...and his job is his passion ~ a little piece of heaven for which he gets paid.

I also remembered a similar story ~ one day when we were in Jake's library (way back ~ when he was much younger!), I was talking with the young woman who was doing the children's programs as she was at her desk, cutting things out and gluing things for her program. I said to her (and sincerely meant it!), "*I* want a job where I get paid for playing with paper and scissors and glue!!!"

My own children's library program *came into my life* not much longer after that declaration to the Universe.

So our dinner conversation (well...one of the many dinner conversations we had last night...as we have so many every night!) was really lovely, with my children knowing without a doubt that BECAUSE they are living a life directed by their hearts and their passions, the doors will open for them to paths of opportunities that they/we may not even have known existed...

"Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track that has
been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be
living is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open where you
didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you
that wouldn't have opened for anyone else."
~ Joseph Campbell

(Art copyright © Jake O)

Oh, how I Love this radical life that allows our children to know this to be
True.

Love,
Anne
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..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ All is Well. -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Snapshots...Thoughts...Ponderings...all on the Radical...

2010-01-11T13:36:00.013-05:00

I haven't felt much like sharing here since Dave's Dad passed...there has just been so much learning and growing going on inside of me that words have been inadequate (so much learning and growing that I'm thankful my head and heart haven't exploded!), and an audience without a face seemed too impersonal.

But today I chose to create some space to do some writing here, and some sharing of a few photos...so here are some written snapshots, thoughts, and ponderings...strewn with photos from our lives...

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Sam has been looking forward to the release of Vampire Weekend's newest album. It is being released tomorrow, but since we pre-ordered it from iTunes, it was available for download today. Sam didn't know this, and while he was sleeping this morning, and as Jake readied himself for work, we downloaded it, and added it to our iPods.

As I was doing work around the house this morning, still while Sam slept, I listened to it and its sound filled our house. The sound brought me Joy because it's music my boys love.

I was cleaning the bathroom, and as I emerged, I saw that Sam was awake...happy happy happy and really loving waking up to the new music.

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

I was talking to Jake's sweetie last week about how we came to unschooling. I told her that it was totally Jake ~ he brought us here. From the time this child was born ~ even before he could express his feelings (which was quite early...he was not here very long on this earth before he learned how to express himself and communicate his feelings), he felt it was an assault to his spirit to have anyone think they needed to *teach* him anything.

And, man, I understood quickly that he had a point.

I have been having passionate conversations lately with my honey along these lines. He's always trying to figure out what will make me happy, and then trying to live from that place. Yes, he loves me so SO much. Yes, this *does* present a challenge at times.

;)

I want him to live from his own heart...from his own Truth...from his own desires/needs/passions/Joy/interests/questions/answers. This is what we are all meant to do...not without consideration for anyone else, but STARTING at that place deep within one's Be-ing, listening to one's OWN inner voice...and then going from there.

I have told my sweet man numerous times that I am the only one responsible for my own happiness/Joy/Life. And even when things are difficult, challenging, sad, frustrating, even painful...I can shift back to choosing happiness (I prefer to use the word and concept *Joy*, actually) fairly quickly (or just choose to stay there).

The point I am trying to make with him is that, much like Jake has always known and felt, someone else trying to *claim* something that is a part of your own Be-ing is an assault to the spirit. The person trying to claim it (teachers in school, parents controlling children, or even my sweet honey wanting to make me happy) takes from you your own right to choose how you feel...your own right to learn as you live...your own right to get what you need/desire from the world in your own way, in your own time. Someone else claiming that as their agenda, *their* work, cheats everyone involved from Truly Knowing and Growing and Be-ing.

Joy is always present...it's up to us (ME!) to choose it and claim it and own it. I Am Responsible For My Own Joy. No One Else Is.

I do love how we...in our family...in our home...are all still learning so much about life and love and Joy and ourSelves and how we work best with each other... I just love growing and learning every day...especially in the company of each of these amazing human beings that is my family.

P.S. ~ OhMyGoodness...after I wrote that, I went to my Inbox and here is today's e-mail from Abraham-Hicks:

Your joy factor will remain constant as you are continually refining your ideas of what you want, and that's why it is so important for you to get everybody else out of the equation. They've got their own game going on; they don't understand your game. Give them a break; stop asking them what they think. Start paying attention to how you feel. Joy will be yours immediately, and everything else that you have ever thought would make you happy, will start flowing, seemingly effortlessly, into your experience.

--- Abraham

Thank you, Abraham!!
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. . . . . .

As I was walking into the post office in our little village this morning, I saw a mother and a child walking up the sidewalk. The mother sounded angry, and I felt saddened when I saw her yank her child's arm and then bend over to get right in her child's face. I heard words like behave, naughty, and good girl. Each one of those words make me cringe and I never used them in the direction of my own children's hearts. I saw the world from the perspective of my child...even and ESPECIALLY when they were wee like this child was.

As I was at the window in the post office, waiting for the clerk, the mother and child entered. They walked, hand-in-hand, silently toward the line.

The little girl quietly asked, "What can I do, Mama?"

The mother's answer was, "Nothing. You can stand there and be quiet."

Cringe.

The sweet little girl then asked (and OH how I loved her for it!), "What ELSE can I do, Mama?"

The mother's answer: "Nothing."

I turned around. I smiled at the mother. I smiled at the child. And I said, "I actually think you can sing a song! Or you can take turns with your Mom telling parts of a story. Or you can play *I Spy*! There's so much you CAN do, even when you're in a place like this."

I think it was the mother who cringed at that point.

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

As we were waiting for the church bells in Oneonta to ring, signaling the fact that it was noon and Jake would be finished with his job at the library for the day, Sam and I sat in the car and listened to the new Vampire Weekend album.

Church bells! There they are! Oh, how I love them!!

Jake came out of the library, opened the car door, saw that Sam was with me today, and his face lit up! He pointed ~ to nothing, really...but just to the interior of the car, saying to Sam, "Huh?? Huh??"

I had no idea what he was talking about and I didn't think Sam knew either. But I was wrong.

Sam said, "Yeah...I know."

Jake reaffirmed, "Isn't it the best album ever?"

Sam smiled. "Yup."

Jake: "I LOVE White Sky."

Always wanting to stay on top of what my kids love ~ both for the benefit of our connection with each other and because their Joy expands my own world so much ~ I asked, "Which track number is that?" (because that's how I was relating to the music at that point).

Jake, "The second one."

Oh yeah...I did like that one, too.

The energy in the car was just Sheer Contentment as we drove to the grocery store...listening to the new music together, sharing in this connection with each other, and I knew all along that I was the most blessed witness in the world at that moment...blessed with these two boys who have always been the absolute best of friends and who share a connection with each other that I will never truly be able to be a part of...

...and that's exactly perfect and as it should be.

. . . . . .

(2 of the photos strewn throughout this post are from our Dec. 21 trip to NYC with our friend, Darby...it was wonderful to see the sparkling, Christmasy city through her eyes, as she had never been before!...and we saw Jason Mraz in a venue that seated only 130 people. Yup. Awesome.)

I am so excited and can barely stop thinking about an upcoming trip to NYC. We will be picking up Sam's sweetie at the Albany, NY, airport (she's flying in from Georgia). And then we will be driving from there to New York City. And by we, I mean Sam, Dave and I. Jake has sweetly chosen to give us an incredible gift (and by us, I mostly mean me...and my honey).

While I love being in New York City, I wasn't sure how it was going to work out or what it was going to LOOK like, being with just Sam and Ashlan. We are a family who does greatly enJoy each other's company (we are rarely without one another), but I definitely wanted to give them some space to be with each other without me, and to see the NYC sights without me (Ashlan has never been before).

So while I wasn't exactly dreading going, I did sort of feel like I was just taking Sam and Ashlan, and my happiness just wouldn't be a factor (yes, I felt like I would be a 3rd wheel!)...I felt that I could find something to do, but I don't TRULY enJoy being in the city by mySelf (I have done that before, taking Jake and Amber to the city for the day when we picked up Sam at LaGuardia...Jake and Amber went to the MoMA with friends, and I walked around by myself...not having much fun at all...wanting my honey to be there with me...and so I ended up just leaving and I drove to LaGuardia and hung out there for a few hours, waiting for Sam's flight to come in).

And so while discussing what this would actually LOOK like one night over dinner (it has been my Truth that if I can't *envision* something...if it's cloudy or unclear in ANY way...then it's just NOT meant to be, and something needs to shift until I can find some clarity... It has ALWAYS happened that when I trust in that and listen to that and follow that, the plans/ideas that come to us are even better than any that we could ever have imagined...and so many more possibilities and opportunities open up to us...and yes, all is well...), Dave said something about how he wished he could come.

I said, "YES! Come with me!"

And then we looked to Jake, because it was Dave and Jake who were going to stay home and care for the dogs.

Jake thought a minute, and then said he would do it if he didn't feel so uncomfortable about being home alone.

And so the discussion went on...we talked about Jake's feelings more, and we discussed thousands of scenarios/possibilities. Jake will be going to NYC the end of January to attend the Society of Childrens Book Writers and Illustrators Winter Conference, and so he would get his NYC fix then...*and* he was able to go in December when we went to see Jason Mraz in a NYC nightclub while Sam stayed home with the dogs.

We talked and talked and talked and Jake got to a place where he felt confident and good about it all and so he said Yes...

Wow. What a huge gift.

Yes, we will be paying him to care for the dogs, just as we paid Sam...but it's *still* a gift and a huge one at that, because we have no expectations of our children to do such a thing, or to sacrifice anything for anyone else. Every decision is from their own heart, and has to be completely owned by them, or feelings of resentment from being coerced will arise.

Jake is looking forward to flying to Pittsburgh to visit his sweetie in February, and he knew that the money he would make would pay entirely for that flight. He also grew to actually LIKE the idea of being home by himself...and decided that it would be a good growing/learning opportunity for him as well.

And so...I can now PERFECTLY see how this will work out, what it will look like! Clarity is a beautiful gift of what is POSSIBLE!!

My honey and I are so excited to have this time together in the city ~ with Sam and Ashlan, but basically alone much of the time.

We will be married 25 years this May, and we have always CHOSEN to be with our children. Whenever we thought we wanted a vacation just for us, we started thinking about the Joy of seeing the world through the eyes of our children, and being with their wonderful company, and we chose to be with them.

Even our 25th anniversary trip...it started as a trip to Greece for just Dave and I. Then we knew for sure that we wanted to share the experience with Jake and Sam. So it shifted to ALL of us going to Greece. Then I did more research and realized the extent of travel that it required to GET to Greece (I do not travel well...especially by air...and am usually sick for days afterward), and so we shifted again and chose a U.S. destination ~ Florida (our goal, after all, has been to have a beach vacation).

After realizing that it would be impossible at this point of our dogs' lives to have someone else watch them for us, we shifted to ~ yes...believe it ~ BRINGING the dogs with us, too. And so we shifted to DRIVING to Florida and staying at a pet-friendly beach cottage.

Well (yes, more...)...after the reality set in that we were really talking about 24 or more hours in the car with four people and two dogs, we shifted yet again. I found a wonderful pet-friendly condo on the beach in Tybee Island, Georgia (only 15 hours away! ;). And THAT will be our 25th anniversary trip this year!!

What was my point (no...really...I lost it...)?? Oh yeah!! ~ being in NYC with just my honey. Yeah. It's a first. But nothing that we felt we were missing out on...just something that happened because we always walk toward Joy for EVERYONE in the family, and because we are open to shifting and re-defining and questioning until we all have CLARITY and until we are ALL satisfied with what is before us.

Yes, it is possible. You don't have to make ANYONE unhappy...the possibilities are infinite if you keep shifting and examining and re-defining and talking and respecting and honoring and making sure that all is well in everyone's hearts.

Because really...all is well...

. . . . . .

One more word/thought...

I have heard from many people who have talked to me about how they are struggling lately...how they have lost their Shine...

The common thread in their conversations is the lack of Trust.

Another common thread is their need to Control.

With Control there is Fear. There is Lack. And it's exhausting.

Lay down thy burdens. Release control. Shift to Letting Go. Shift to Trust.

Trust in life. Trust in your children. Trust in the hearts of humans. Trust in this moment. Trust in the fact that no matter what is happening, all is well right now...in this moment...

No longer lend your Strength to that which you wish to be Free from...

Trust in our children and their hearts and their desire to learn through Joy and Life. Trust in their direction, their passions, and jump right in there with them!! The worlds and perspectives and Truths that my children have opened up to me because I Followed Them are immeasurable
and have brought such Joy to my own life, as well.

Trusting in my children not only nurtures their lives and our relationship, but for me, it opens up a greater world of Trust ~ Trusting in MY life and MY desires and MY path...and when I am filled with Trust with each breath I take, there is no room for fear or lack. Only abundance. And it's from that place of Joyful Abundance where I will live today.

Trust is deeply intertwined with Joy and Gratitude, in my life...in my Be-ing. No matter what is going on in our lives...even as I continue to walk through this process of grieving and honoring the passing of my father-in-law...I can connect to those things ~ Trust, Joy & Gratitude ~ and they uplift me...they carry me...they help me to place my foot in the right direction and take the next step toward my Highest Good.

They are ever-present in my life...

And All is Truly Well.
. . . . . .

I Love You, Roy Elis Ohman...father of my beloved husband...

2009-11-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

A Tribute to My Father ~
Roy Elis Ohman
By David Roy Ohman

It is difficult to succinctly find words to describe a person and their impact on your life, but I feel it is important to do so, to give that last parting summation.

My father was a person who did much for many and yet he, himself, felt unworthy of love. He was born to a mother who openly withheld love, but he was nonetheless nurtured and loved by his extended family, particularly his uncles Axel and Artie Backland and their families, his Aunt Jennie and John Flem, and his Grandma Backlund. Always living in the shadow of his older and larger brother Walter Paul, my Dad found his way through life and grew into his own Self with the help and love of my mother.

Together they built their own world and created their own family, to whom my father was unwaveringly dedicated. After working as a painter with John Flem in his early days, he traded in his paintbrush for a set of pole hooks and belt and became a telephone company lineman and later a central office switchman. He did this not because he disliked painting, for he didn’t ~ he loved working with John Flem. He did this for his family and the security of a regular paycheck.

He saved his money and built his first a home in Fosterdale and then a camp in Stalker, PA with his father, Elis. Those were tough times, working during the day and then working on the house at night and weekends, but they were also some of his best years.

He created homes for our family and showed his love by his undying commitment to provide us with a stable place to live and food on the table. He was not one to openly or often express his love in words, but rather in his deeds.

Being the only son with four sisters, I was allowed to spend more time with him and share in his loves of hunting, fishing and the outdoors. I remember wanting for him to come home from work, seeing him come home tired from his day, yet still pick up his baseball glove to play catch with me or tie flies or reload in the basement.

I was able to know him in ways that others did not and see him at times when he was truly enjoying life. I will always be grateful for that time and for his gift of time and knowledge.

I feel sad at times because my sisters did not have access to this side of him. However, I truly feel that he loved all of us in his own way and none more than any other.

To be able to say that you knew that you were loved by and would always be taken care of by your father is a great thing. I can truly say that this was what I knew and lived. What a wonderful gift. Thank you, Dad.

Throughout my life, my father was always there for me. No matter what was needed, he would always do whatever he could to help me and later, my own family. How great it was to know that he was always there. I will miss having him as my safety net.

While we didn’t always agree on what was best or right, he always respected my opinion and more often than not, allowed me to go down the path I chose even if it was not what he believed was right.

He told me once as a teenager that he would always trust me unless I gave him cause to doubt his trust. From these simple words, I understood the gravity of his commitment to the good that was in me and always did my best to honor and foster his trust. Thank you, Dad, for your gift of trust and respect.

It’s because of that trust and respect that I had the gift of coming to understand who he was. Even when I was frustrated by him, I never wanted or tried to change him. I could see the source of his own frustration was that he carried his own story of his sad childhood with him and I did my best to honor that child within him. I accepted his shortcomings and honored his wisdom.

Thank you, Dad, for all that you have shared with me and so many others. I will carry you with me as I go to work each day to provide for my family, as I look out at the river and as I roam your beloved hill in Pennsylvania.

I am so thankful that you are free of your body now and I trust that you finally know that you are truly and incredibly loved. I love you. We love you. And we, who are gathered here today, are so thankful that you are living on within us.

Roy Elis Ohman
A Eulogy by his grandson, Jason Gottesman
11/23/2009

Please bear with me. I didn’t find it easy to eulogize my grandfather the typical way by sharing an experience or trying to describe him with words. Mostly because he was, in a word, indescribable. Someone who truly needed to be experienced. Rather, I thought I would discuss the last twelve months of Grandpa’s life, as best as I can remember it.

So many people over the last few days have said that it has been a bad year for Grandpa. Yet, I think that the year was not bad for him, but special. That is something we should be thankful for.

About twelve months ago, Grandpa was not far from where he died. He was in Wilson Memorial Hospital in the ICU recovering from a subdural hematoma. He and Grandma spent Thanksgiving there and they were oft visited by family and friends.

His recovery seemed to go quickly and, by Christmas time, he was already up, walking on the porch and complaining that he couldn’t do what he wanted to do.

Things were going well. In the early spring, Grandpa bought a new suit, a necessity brought on by years of late-night snacks and novels filled with horses and gun smoke. He had a lot to look forward to and important functions for his new suit. Christina was going to get married and I was going to graduate from law school.

In March, I was diagnosed with cancer. The day after my diagnosis, he was by my bedside, hoping for my recovery as he was still recovering himself. Later, in the spring, he told me that he knew I would beat the disease. Many people had said it before, but I never believed it until then. He said he knew.

In May, he proudly attended my law school graduation, finally wearing his new suit. He tried to explain to me the mechanics of his “zipper tie,” but I still, to this day, to not understand how it works.

In June, after my second surgery, Grandpa was again by my bedside hoping and praying for my recovery. The rest of the summer was busy. He got to wear his new suit again for Christina’s wedding and he got to welcome Mike into our family. He knew Aunt Lisa was selected to speak at a national conference and that Aunt Amy moved closer to him.

This fall he shot the last deer of his life and then he passed last Friday. The last time I spoke to Grandpa was the weekend before he died. A Sunday. I was finally doing better and he told me that that was all he needed to hear. Then he told me he loved me. That was the last thing he said to me. Shortly after he died, around 3:30, I leaned in and kissed his forehead. I told him that I loved him. That was the last thing I said to him. I guess we are even.

There is a quote out there that says we should do three things each day: laugh, think and cry. It is said that if you do those three things in a day, it makes a full day. If you do them every day, you have something special. I think that enough happened over the last twelve months that made is possible for Grandpa to do all three every day. I think that makes a special year.

We will all miss him in one way or another. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t. It isn’t the lessons he taught us that will be missed. They are easily remembered. Big lessons like putting others before you or the small lessons like how to tie a hook on. These lessons will live on through the generations.

I think what we will miss, what I will miss, is the comfort in knowing he is alive. Knowing that he will be there to enjoy the good times with us, do what he can to get us through the bad times, or to tersely, but affectionately point us in the right direction when we go off course.

Graham Greene said, “You cannot conceive, nor can I understand the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God.” That seems about right.

I will miss my grandfather very much.

Drawing on the walls...

2009-10-30T07:22:00.004-04:00

When Jake (19 now...17 at the time) asked me one day if I thought it would be OK for him to draw on the walls, I immediately said, "Yes!" He walked into his bedroom and began to draw.

I checked on him a little while later. I said, "I thought you were going to draw on the living room walls where we could ALL see it."

And so he did.

Radical.

This is my boy's passion. This is my boy's Joy. He knows it is good and right and exactly what he should be doing. Even when most other parents are reprimanding their children for drawing on the walls, Jake knows that he and his art are more important to his family than any *thing*.

One morning a few months later, I awoke to find surprises drawn on the bathroom wall. This time, my boy knew that he didn't even have to ask my opinion...he knew that his art on our walls would be considered a gift from him to his family...from his family to him.

I painted over that gift today, as the bathroom walls were quite ready for a new coat of paint. I felt a bit of sadness as I covered them up with a nice shade of Gray Autumn Fog (hmm...looking out my window this morning, I'm thinking that color name is most appropriate!)...but mostly I felt so grateful. Grateful for this life of allowing my children to Be Exactly Who They Are. Grateful that they know that there is no other way to Be. Grateful that Jake has been allowed the freedom, support and celebration to connect with the creatures within him that manifest in his art.

I also felt a deep Trust. Trust that there would be more drawings on our walls for many days to follow...

P.S. ~

2009-10-30T07:00:00.001-04:00

A quote in my inbox this morning from Abraham-Hicks, of course...exactly in alignment with what I was talking about in my previous post (the Universe always provides this to Me):

You cannot look at that which you do not want and not join and perpetuate that vibration. Take your attention from that which is not in harmony with who you are, and in taking your attention from it, your "now vibration" will adjust to who you really are, and then you can uplift others.

--- Abraham

Choosing to Be At Home...

2009-10-28T08:36:00.019-04:00

at home:
Pronunciation: \ˈhōm\
1 : relaxed and comfortable : at ease
2 : in harmony with the surroundings
3 : on familiar ground

Jake and Dave are off at work, Sam and Monty (Sam's English Bulldog) are snoring on the futon in the living room, and Roxi (our Welsh Pembroke Corgi pup) and I have already gone on a long walk, made Dave's lunch, done two loads of laundry, showered, applied a little make-up and did our hair, ate breakfast, emptied the dishwasher and we will be heading out soon to get some groceries and pick up Jake from work. It's 8:37 a.m.

Routine feels SOOOOOO good. This Is Our Life. This Is Our Sacred Space. Today, I'm breathing in the glory of that which is completely *ours*.

Our lives have been very hectic, filled with travel and friends, for the past month.

And while travel and friends are absolutely WONDERFUL and right and necessary in our lives, these seemingly *smaller* times in between the bigger plans are absolutely precious to me.

It's within these smaller, quieter and sacred spaces where the swirliness of all that we have encountered on our travels and in our time with our friends are able to come together...come to a place of rest...and we are able to really look at ourSelves again and truly see Who We Are ~ and that includes Who We Were + Who We Have Become with our new levels of awareness, with our new experiences, and with all that we have learned about ourSelves and others and the world added in there.

While our travel and our friends actually add to the glory of truly knowing ourSelves, it still is our Truth that within the routine flow of home, we are able to re-Connect with our Source, with our dreams, with our excitement over the infinite possibilities that awaiting us...and because of this re-Connection, we are better able to know in which direction we should place our foot for our next step.

Distractions can sometimes be a good thing when one is feeling overwhelmed and inundated by too much Truth (as we highly sensitive people tend to feel). But too much distraction serves only to dis-Connect us from our authenticity, from our Source...and if we are absent of a connection to Who We Really Are and our inner Selves, we cannot truly have one with the outer world, nor with its inhabitants (and yes, that includes our children).

Even before I had children, I felt that the 12 years of school attendance was just one big Chuck E. Cheese distraction away from the child Truly Knowing Him/HerSelf (a much less fun distraction). I feel like the world has become so full of distractions...people are constantly on their cell phones, always needing to be talking talking talking instead of b-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g and Be-ing. It is rare to be able to dine in a restaurant without being incessantly assaulted with televisions tuned into 24-hour news networks or a sports channel. I can barely walk into some stores because the music they play is so loud, making my head spin.

We shop. We drink. We gamble. We gossip. We care too much about what other people are doing on Facebook. We care too much what other people think of us. We debt. We eat. We lie to ourSelves.

We do all we can to distract ourSelves from theTruth that is calling out to us, much like Max shouted to the Wild Things: BE STILL!! The Truth wants us to hear it. The Truth wants us to stop our distractions and go within and just b-r-e-a-t-h-e and just BE.

I am sensitive. I am highly sensitive. I am highly sensitive to all that distracts me away from my True Self. Perhaps my awareness is acute because I come from a family with addictive tendencies. Or perhaps because I, myself, spent many years being distracted away from living and even KNOWING my own Truth. This was the result of many years as a schooled child, when my spirit was bombarded with people (adults) telling me to be/do/live/learn something other than what was in MY OWN HEART.

I walked into adulthood and motherhood not knowing Who I Was because of those distractions. I only knew how to continue to distract mySelf away from any work that needed to be done excavating My Truth (and yes, that work can be painful at times, and so the distraction feels temporarily like a welcome relief) ...and living in My Truth.

The thing is that when one is living a life of only distractions, his/her Truth will continue to be Stronger than the distractions, as Truth tends to prevail...and it will do what it can to find its way out of the darkness and into the light.

If we are so distracted that we are unable to pay attention to any signs in our life, indicating that we are either on the right path or the wrong path, we can be sure that the Truth will continue to do what it can to guide us. But if we continue to ignore the smaller signs indicating that we are not living in our Truth, then those signs get bigger and will usually become more devastating, disrupting and painful.

For me, it practically took a brick upside of my head for me to snap out of a life of distractions...only caring about what our lives looked like on the surface, because that's the only place I knew of...that's the place I was raised. I had to work hard and heal and forgive and empty out and build back up again in order to excavate the Truth of not only Who I Was, but Who I Wanted to Be.

And so when Jake was born, I knew that this was the ONE thing that was most important to his life, to his Be-ing, above anything else. I wanted to allow him the sacred space to truly Know HimSelf. That original desire/motivation involved me learning how to give him that space, by truly honoring, respecting and celebrating him for being Exactly Who He Is.

And because of allowing that space for my child, I was able to create one for mySelf, which allowed me to heal MySelf, love MySelf, forgive MySelf and celebrate MySelf.

Both Jake and Sam have been blessed to have this sacred space all of their lives. Not once has anyone directed them away from what was truly residing in their hearts. Quite the contrary, in fact, as our lives have been invested in helping them to listen to and follow their inner voices, especially when they, themselves, were feeling confused and distracted.

And from me completely Trusting in Who My Children Are, they have learned to Trust in themSelves, as well.

This is Home.

Yes, the travel, the friends, the Joy, the excitement...it's all so so good. So valuable. So necessary. So much a part of Who We Are.

And yet it is back at home where we are able to Shine the brightest without any distractions away from our True Selves. It's where our Inner Beings feel completely Safe to emerge and sing and dance and play and discuss and debate and dream and create and destroy and laugh and cry and complain and praise and love and joke and BE.

Be.

Home.

Home is so much more than this dwelling on 10 mountain-top acres.

Home is our Celebration of Succeeding in Being Exactly Who We Are.

Welcome Home.

"Pinicular Work" ~ Sam Ohman

2009-10-17T23:29:00.015-04:00

I wrote in my Must We Diagnose Max? post that I would write a post explaining what "pinicular work" is...

When Sam was about 3, he was doing what he loved to do the most at that time, and that was playing in the creek, moving stones and redirecting water. On this day, he said to me, “Mama, I’m doing really pinicular work.” He used to make up words all of the time, and we have often used his words regularly in our lives. But this word, pinicular, was the one we have used more than any other, and as I was writing my talk for the We Shine Unschooling Conference, I was able to finally truly understand what Sam really meant with his term “pinicular work”, and I gave it a proper definition (with his permission and approval, of course):

Pinicular work is a child’s own work ~ that which comes from deep within a child’s heart and is based in Who They Are and their Sheer Joy. Pinicular work may be disguised as insignificant play to those trained only to see the surface of the world and of life, but those of us who are able to see beyond and deeper…we know that pinicular work is the greatest and most noble of work.

And for the children who are engaged in their pinicular work, nothing more is needed or required of them. All they need in this moment is the sacred and respected space from their parents, to know that pursuing their pinicular work is good and right and exactly what they should be doing.

We are all here on this earth for the very reason of pursuing our own, unique and individual pinicular work.

When children are not allowed to find and pursue their own pinicular work, and instead have their work defined for them by others (as happens in all other lives except an unschooled one), then they are denied the most essential right of their existence here on earth…the right to truly know themSelves. And without truly knowing one’s Self, one cannot live beyond the superficial surface, let alone remain Whole.

That is exactly why this unschooling life allows us to see, live, feel, grow and dig deeper and more authentically than other paths in life…because our children are free to pursue their own pinicular work all of the time. They do not lose that connection with their spirit that is typically distracted out of us as we are told to move and live further and further away from our own pinicular work, and do other already-specified and defined work instead.

And so this is why it is crucial that we make it OUR work as adults in our children’s unschooling lives, to allow our children’s pinicular work to Be. Our work is to honor it, respect it and celebrate it…as it is. But first we have to be able to SEE it as that. And to see it as that, our work is to really LOOK and see the Truth beyond the surface…to see the source, the Shine and the magnitude of it all in allowing our children to remain Whole…and then to let go and let it flow…

"Must we diagnose Max?" ~ Nicole Pinch

2009-10-17T00:04:00.003-04:00

I could hardly sleep last night. Awake at 3:48 a.m., my mind wouldn't stop churning with the excitement that was awaiting me on this day ~ after much anticipation and being drawn into its spell by the previews, Jake, Sam and I were finally going to see Where the Wild Things Are.

Like zillions of other kids, Jake and Sam were brought up with that book, knowing it by heart from reading it over and over again...each time with a new level of awareness, new questions to be asked and answered, and a longing for the comfort of its lulling familiarity. (I must confess that I don't understand how it's possible for me to hear some of my friends say that it was their favorite book growing up...but...but...it's my CHILDREN'S favorite book!!...I am not that old, I'm sorry...but this must be your mathematical error). Not for a second were we wary of the book-to-movie translation, as we have learned throughout our years of our un-Film-and-Fiction class (aka ~ life) to see them as totally separate entities, each with value and uniqueness in and of itself. Besides, we had seen the previews and we just KNEW. We KNEW, somehow, that this film was going to be the ONE that would celebrate the child's Voice.

And that it did. It is truly the most authentic movie I have ever seen.

Hollywood, via Spike Jonze, has finally validated, honored and celebrated the Voice of the child. How glorious it was to see it with my own validated, honored and celebrated children.

There were times during the movie when my Joy and Love were so BIG, I was brought to tears. I sat there, not just watching Max, but LIVING Max. There in Max's heart and his story was Jake's childhood, Sam's childhood, and even my own, that which was not so validated in my real life...and yet it was all so joyful and healing and validating.

The movie was not just a movie...it was a profound experience that I was honored to share with my boys, as well as the other handful of movie-goers who were just as excited about and in love with that movie as we were. After it ended, many of us just sat there, not wanting to move, leave or even speak. We just applauded, gave a few Wild Rumpus Howls...and smiled.

I came home and wasted no time in sharing my love of the movie in my review on facebook, where many of my friends with small children proceeded to ask me if I thought it was appropriate for their child. After giving my own personal feelings, I referred them to screenit.com for a full review so they could judge for themselves.

Within moments, a friend of mine, who had also seen the movie today, had posted a comment after my screenit.com review link.

"Must we diagnose Max?", Nicole wrote.

She wrote more, but I didn't read it. I went straight to the screenit.com review and realized that my skimming before posting the link was not adequate. It was right there...I read it...and my heart broke.

MAX RECORDS plays a boy apparently suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder who doesn't know how to handle his anger, boredom and/or boundless energy and thus acts up.

How could ANYONE be so far OFF from the heart and soul of this amazing movie?? Not just anyone, but the author of a review that will be read by countless parents wondering if they should take their child to see this movie.

How OUTRAGEOUS that we should diagnose Max. How incredibly sad that a Child At Play and a Child Feeling Overwhelmed and Confused should be diagnosed with ADHD (a "disorder" that does not exist outside of a classroom, by the way).

Has the author never seen a child be FREE to BE?? My heart aches for the children in this author's life...children who are probably expected to: sit down, be still, obey, grow up, don't share your feelings, don't yell, don't run, don't imagine, don't BE.

Did not the author see what Max had been subjected to before he acted out?

(The following contains spoiler alerts...)

His igloo, on which he worked so hard (his "pinicular" work, for those who heard my We Shine Conference Talk...for those who did not, I will share what "pinicular work" is at a later time), was destroyed...he watched as his sister dismissed his devastation and did not defend him...he was told by a TEACHER that the sun would eventually burn out and then was enlightened by the same teacher about all of the disasters that would probably eradicate the human race well before then, anyway...and then he watched (our children are ALWAYS watching!!) as his Mom worried over losing her income...he watched as she placed her boyfriend's opinion above the heart of the child and the real living going on in the home.

So he acts out. I don't blame him one bit. I would be ready to let the Wild Rumpus Start, myself, at that point. And thankfully, Maurice Sendak and Spike Jonze agree with me.

However, the author of the screenit.com review would have this child diagnosed, labeled, and most likely drugged because he "doesn't know how to handle his anger/bordem/boundless energy."

Let the Children Be. Let the Children Play. Let the Children Imagine. Let the Children Be Exactly Who They Are. Let the Children's Voices be Heard, Honored, Respected and Celebrated.

Thank you, Maurice Sendak and Spike Jonze for allowing Max to be the validation for every single child that ever lived...whether they have had a validated and celebrated childhood or not...I can't see how anyone who lives an authentic and deep life can miss the heart and soul of this amazing movie.

And I will not be visiting or recommending screenit.com again ever.

LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!!!

What is So Radical about Radical Unschooling?

2009-10-16T20:54:00.004-04:00

This was the title of my latest conference talk at the 2009 Toronto Unschooling Conference. I really like the whole talk...worked on it a lot...and I will let you know when it's available for download on Lulu.com (thanks to wonderful conference coordinator and friend, Pam).

Until then, here is a very small excerpt:

Here’s what I think. First of all, it’s sad to me that honoring, respecting and celebrating our children’s lives is considered to be radical. I envision and I walk toward the vision of creating a world where this is common.

I think it’s radical that we Trust our children deeply. It’s radical that we notice that our children are born with an innate desire to learn and explore and expand and get what they need and what they desire…and it’s even more radical that we trust in that even when they are five years old and beyond. It’s radical that we not only give their innate desire to learn and explore a sacred space to happen, but we also join them in that space.

It’s radical that we, as parents and adults, actually LIKE and enjoy being with our children.

It’s radical that we don’t allow typical society to tell us what has or should have value in our lives. It’s radical that we don’t believe in separating math or history or any other school subject from the rest of the world and from life. It’s radical that we don’t believe that forcing arbitrary facts from those subjects on our children has any value.

It’s radical that we not only believe, but we know for sure because of having it proved to us time and time again, that the REAL learning is right IN Jimmy Fallon or video games or dolls or hockey or whatever our children are drawn to, because REAL learning happens at the time when there is a connection that holds real MEANING in our children’s lives…and these connections are happening all of the time, unbidden and unseen by most.

It’s radical that we do not live according to the dictates of typical society when it comes to things like our children’s eating and their sleeping and their clothing and their jobs around the house, but not because we merely extend unschooling beyond the academics into these areas or because we have been told to say “yes” to our children, but because we truly hear, believe, trust, validate and respect our children’s Voices.

And it is oh so radical that we allow their glorious and unique perspective and view of the world to enlighten our own lives and expand our own worlds.

And…one more: It’s radical that we don’t merely ascribe to all things alternative and all things radical…that we are not rebelling against society nor are we militant in the alternative merely because it is going against the norm of society. We are simply creating the space to listen to our own hearts and follow our own flow and live our own unique path, whether it touches the mainstream or the alternative or anywhere in between…it’s radical that it is uniquely our own.

These are some of my radicals.

Most of all, I, personally believe that the radical in radical unschooling is found within the parent. I believe the radical lies within the inner work that we are willing and wanting to do ~ even though it is sometimes difficult and painful work ~ to go deeper and to GET to that place of releasing control and trusting in our children and being a partner in their lives.