Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

For those who are familiar with Turn Around Tuesday, you will be surprised to find that this was my response.

I am not being lazy, I swear. I didn’t have any big Memorial Day plans yesterday that have left me struggling today. Honestly, I am ready to write a full TAT. But, after a quote like that, what else is there really left to say?

Today I encourage you to read that quote again and decide where you fit in. Are you a shiner or a shrinker? At first pass, I think I am a shiner with overwhelming shrinker tendencies. Or, it may be that I am a shrinker with rare moments of shiner greatness. One thing I know for sure - my inner Warrior is dying to be a shiner.

This was followed by an invite to come here and dig into the idea a little further.

So let’s discuss - shiner or shrinker?

“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”
- C. S. Lewis, author

One of the easiest things to do is to feel like a failure. Not good enough or smart enough or fast enough…the list goes on. Always watching other folks just to find more things I am lacking. How come I can’t pull that off or participate in that or be involved with that? Where is my superwoman cape?
Fortunately for me, I have the opportunity to discuss these thoughts with a couple a really smart women. During one such conversation, I had an epiphany. I am a wife, a business owner and the mother of four children under the age of 12. There’s my superwoman cape. This is the stage of my life I am in. These are the things that I concentrate on. Leaving the other stuff alone does not create failure - it demonstrates priorities.

In eight too short years, I will be the mother of 4 children between the ages of 10 and 20. That is a totally different place than where I am now. That stage of my life will have its own set of priorities, commitments and challenges. My superwoman cape will change, but it will still be mine.

Today I encourage you to appreciate your cape. At least for today - or the next five minutes - realize that you don’t do it like everybody else because you are unique. While your warrior cannot accomplish all things, the ability to accomplish all things meant for you is there in truckloads. You are perfectly positioned for your journey in this point. Run tomorrow’s race tomorrow. Enjoy today’s events now. It is the only thing you can truly wrap your arms around.

Hey There Parents

It is almost that time of the year again. You can always tell when it is fixing to happen. Bouncing, over excited, giddy, homework forgetting kids are preparing to roar into their summer vacation.

I am looking forward to my kids having a good time. They can’t take themselves to the pool or the park or the beach - so I get to go all those places too. Wonderful benefit.

However, I also worry about the summer brain rot. Three months is a long break from the 3 R’s. And they are expected to fall right back into the swing of things at the beginning of the next school year.

So, my question today is - What kind of activities and learning resources will you use to for your kids this summer?

Special Thanks to Julien Tromeur for the superhero graphic

“I work with wonderful people who support me. And, my beliefs are that the business needs to serve the family rather than the family serve the business.”
- Kathy Ireland, Model and Entrepreneur

I feel like I have been disconnected from the friends that believe in me the most. Lately, I haven’t been able to stop for coffee, schedule a lunch or make quite as many “hey how are you doing” phone calls. Keeping it together in these interesting times has taken some serious focus.

That’s the funny thing about focus. While totally necessary to excel in an area, it can put a damper on other ones - like noticing the people around you. You see, while I may feel disconnected, I actually am not. And realizing that is nothing short of a compliment to those around me without whom I could do nothing.

Lately, I have not been the supporter or the giver or the provider. Hence, the feeling of disconnect. I have been the needer and the taker. That has, in all honesty, led to some paranoid inadequacy feelings. However, what a slap in the face to those who are taking their time and effort to be there for me. Support comes from those who can out of goodwill not out of a need to create guilt in the receiver.

Today I encourage you to say just “Thank you.” No qualifiers, no fillers, no “oh you shouldn’t have how can I ever repay you” platitudes. Simply thank you. Stripped down, naked, pure gratitude. Appreciation that fills you up with what you needed and honors the person who is offering the gift. Watch, I’ll go first.

Thank you.

Two Months?!?!
Seriously?!?

Yes, seriously. It has in fact been two months since the last edition on TAT hit cyberspace. You have my sincerest apologies. But, I have no regrets.

TAT went on an unplanned hiatus due to the work overload of the producer. Something had to give - TAT was it.

Once TAT ceased to enter mailboxes, I started to get phone calls. What wonderful phone calls they were! You have no idea how much the encouragement to move forward and the support in my decisions meant to me.

As of May 1st, I have hired a full time assistant and she is fantastic! Just in the few days she has been in the office, I have seen a dramatic difference in, well, everything.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming!

I haven’t spent time on it for a few weeks. My excuse is that I haven’t had the time. While things have been amazingly busy - it is still just an excuse. I am becoming completely aware of the fact that I don’t have time not to.

It is time to lay the foundation to pwning the happy. That foundation, according to Marci, is embodied in a simple equation

E(motion) + R(eaction) = O(utcome)

I don’t mind telling you that I spend a whole lot of time using this alternate and far less effective formula

E + O = R

And this sure fire motivation zapping formula

O + R = E

The workbook asks to recall a situation where you implemented a less that effective attitude. It then asks to describe the level of contraction that accompanied it. The unasked question is how does it feel when things are going well and you feel expanded.

I am spending some time considering these ideas of expansion and contraction. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Now, understand that I already recognize that this is not a flaw in Marci’s work. It is a flaw in my discipline. It is a result of my microwave popcorn generation. The steps are necessary. The success is in the work through - not the skip around.

So, I am attempting to move through the steps instead of skipping around to the parts I think I need the most right now. And Marci certainly has it set up in steps that makes sense.

The steps to increasing your happiness set point is equated to the building of a house. The first step, therefore, is the establishment of the foundation. This step has always had point that resonated with me. During this session, Marci talks about changing habits. Within this session, there is a discussion about our choices and the idea of the quarter second gap. The idea is that there is a gap of time in between an urge and an action. It is the point of time of choice. It is where the power to live a happier life resides waiting to be tapped into.

So, here is my quarter second gap decision. I will fight the urge to skip around and glean from the corners. I will not give into my hyper reaction that says I can move faster through the material and still get the same results. That is my solid foundation. That is my first step.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very appreciative of my journey. And I understand that we don’t live our entire lives in the clouds. I am betting we wouldn’t want to even if we could. I also enjoy the levelness. What I don’t like is the height of the levelness. I think that the steady path where we spend most of our lives can be more enjoyable. I think the sound of the word “normal” should provoke a little more happiness.

While in Dallas, I picked up the Happy for No Reason course from Marci Shimoff. I had the opportunity to hear her speak and it really resonated with me. Of course, when I got home, things were so over whelming and disjointed. I attempted to apply the course to my schedule. I didn’t.

Earlier this week, I remembered something Marci had talked about - the “happiness set point.” The general concept is that our happiness is sorta like our body temperature - it has a “normal.” Some folks have a higher or lower “normal” and the temperature can always be changed by external circumstances.

The interesting thing is that a study found that the set point was only 50% genetic. What I am now interested in is the other 50%.

Not sure how much of this I will blog about in the upcoming weeks as I am not sure how personal it gets. But, I will keep you posted on what I can and would love to hear your feedback on the topic.

“A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things.”
- Rear Admiral Grace Hopper (1906-1992)

As a Naval electronic tech, I I heard a lot about Admiral Hopper. She was a pioneer in computer technology development. More interesting to me is the era in which she lived and accomplished so much as a woman. I can only assume obstacles where far more numerous. The women of the early 21st century would do well to remember the tenacity displayed by the women of the early 20th century. In fact we would all do well to reflect on the champions of our past.

Often we find those who have gone before us that inspire us to greater things. We concentrate heavily on the accomplishments and thrill at the journey they took throughout their life. We honor the challenges they overcame and admire their ability to move forward regardless of obstacles.
However, few of us translate these experiences into an example of what we can do for ourselves. For some reason, there is a gap between what we believe what others can achieve and we can accomplish ourselves. It is as if we assume those who have gone before us have some unknown superpower or possess a secret that they didn’t share. They could do all those things, but we can’t.

Today I encourage you to remember that no ship worth is building is meant to stay in port. And no life worth living is compelled by fear and apprehension. Your inner warrior appreciates the accomplishments of those who have gone before you. That warrior is anxious to be among the ranks of those who have sailed fearlessly. Pull up the anchor and be that person who inspires. The potential is in you.

Tis the Season

I will go ahead and admit that I am not crazy about all the hubbub that surrounds Christmas. The stress and loss of focus moves away from my idea of the purpose of the season. However, it never fails to warm my heart to watch those who do embody what this time of year is all about.

Next week, I am going to try to fill this column with contacts. If you have a resource, charity, toy drive…whatever…. drop me a line and let me know.

I look forward to working with you to make the holiday a little brighter for someone else.

“First it is necessary to stand on your own two feet. But the minute a man finds himself in that position, the next thing he should do is reach out his arms.”

- Kristin Hunter, writer

I am such a fan of personal responsibility and intestinal fortitude. I think we are a noble people when we exercise those traits and a burden to the earth when we do not. I can think of few things more important than taking ownership of your actions and consequences. And there is nothing more human than reaching out to those that need it.

So often we are given the ability to turn ourselves into victims. We are given undeserved outs from situations that we caused. The down side of this is that we will continue to make the same missteps as there is no lesson in a free pass. The unintended consequence is that we become less able to find fulfillment in accomplishments as we are not responsible for our actions.

With this lack of personal responsibility, the trend has been to say “somebody should do something” versus “I can do something.” We assume that an inflated government and over committed community programs will solve the ills of the society. The faceless “somebody” allows us to be comfortable in our own detached state.

Today I encourage you to continue fighting the good fight. You are one of those people who take credit for your place in the world and the decisions you made to get there - both good and bad. You get where you are going not by stepping on others but by bringing them along with you. You are active in creating a world better than the one you were born into. This journey may seem lonely and exhausting. You may feel like you are not making a difference. You are.

It is that time of the Year

Many of serve our fellow man all year long. However, the needs of many are more deeply felt this time of year and the opportunity to help is more widely available. Today I will highlight two.

Most local communities have their version of an empty stocking fund. These groups sponsor families that have found themselves in circumstance that will make this holiday season hard. Almost any search engine will lead you to the correct venue to locate organizations that are helping out less fortunate families this year.

Chicken of the Sea has sponsored a jingle contest. The winning entry will have a truckload of tuna delivered to their food bank. You can vote for the Savannah entry here. And, because it is a good cause, I will tell you that the link will also take you to wherever your local area is. I would like Savannah to win. I would love for more people to participate.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

- Mark Twain

Think about the last time you attended a conference, workshop, retreat, sermon - anything that challenged you to think in a big way and effect a positive change in your life. At the time, you felt profoundly altered. You might have made checklists, voice notes, game plans - whatever. You were just ready to make life better for yourself and those around you.

If you are like most of us, you probably didn’t even get to lunch on the first day before some small thinker starting poking holes and planting doubt. Next thing you know, you’ve convinced yourself that you were crazy to even think that big, the whole plan was ridiculous, you were never enough to begin with and you crawl back in your box. The small thinker feels very accomplished and the world loses out on the wonderful impact you had planned.

How frustrating! Why do people do that? More importantly, why do we let them? We have let a person we wouldn’t trust to organize a book shelf dictate what we are and aren’t capable of. Seriously?

The amazing thing is that, while this sabotage is occurring, you probably had multiple folks who are way cooler than that other flake encouraging you. They know that you are capable of all that and more. They look for ways to help and support. Most importantly, they believe in you and they tell you so.

Today I want to encourage you get back out of your box and dare the small thinker to poke holes. Commit before you come out that you will not allow the small thinker enough face time to give his less than helpful opinion. Instead, seek out your fellow warriors. You already know who they are. Accept their encouragement. Resist the urge to shrug off the compliment. Look for opportunities to return the favor. With all this greatness running around, the small thinker never gets a foot hold.

Congrats to The Busy Woman of the Year!

And we aren’t talking about busy just for the sake of being busy. We are talking about putting your sneakers on and getting it done.

Kris Rice founded Coastal Children’s Advocacy Center in 1994. The Center provides services for children who have been abused or witnesses to violent activity. She provided counseling at Ground Zero. She and her husband are foster parents.

I would like to extent a huge thanks to Kris for all the work that she does for those who cannot do it for themselves. As an admirer of children myself, I deeply appreciate the selflessness of Kris and others like her that answer the call everyday.

And to the Little Black Book and all the sponsors for this amazing event. Kudos for recognizing those in the community who are making a difference in a big way. May we all follow the example of offering up of time and resources to leaving this place a little better off than the way we found it.

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
-African Proverb

I watched my two year old eat an apple yesterday. She was given a slice and proceeded to stick the whole thing in her mouth. Didn’t work out too well and it ended up in my hand. Hmm.

Because she had been successful eating apples when given it whole, we went back to that method. She knew she couldn’t put that whole thing in her mouth and began consuming it, one bite at a time. She ate the whole thing. Interesting.

I have crazy big ideas. I have some pretty significant responsibilities. So do you. There are times when I have made a go at one of those enormous sized projects. I am so excited about the prospect that I try to tackle it all at once, only to choke on it and spit it out in the trash. Other times, the bigness of it all is undeniable and I convince myself that I am “not enough” for the job. These times I don’t even try. Either way, I get none of the apple.

Opportunities of condensed learning and inspiration can be like this too. Ever been to a seminar and tried to remodel your entire yard, kitchen, life, the next day? You’ve seen that the improvement works. Why not implement all of it in one big slice of a bite? Because you will choke and it will all end up in the trash.

Today I want to encourage you cut yourself some slack. Unless you have some really cool super powers I don’t know about, you are subject to the same laws of time and and physics as the rest of us. Time will not warp itself for you. Most often, one step at a time is the most effective. You are amazingly talented, incredibly capable and immensely deserving. Just move through the process, one delicious bite at a time.

Big eWomenNetwork Thanks!

I will be talking about Dallas for a minute or two longer. You just have to forgive me. I am still trying to unpack - both figuratively and literally. Because I have not yet had the chance to connect with all the folks I wanted to, here are a few thanks in the interim.

Big thanks to those who went with me and the best roommate ever! To the one that made me feel like a cool kid. To the one that inspired. To the one that dared me to impress myself. To the one who encouraged while listening to my kids in background. To the one who knew I had it in me and made me say so. And to all the others who made my trip to Dallas one that I will not soon forget. You have no idea and I am not sure yet how to tell you.

So instead, I will just keep putting one word in front of the other and hope in the process, you just know.