There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Growing up I had a second family. They are my parents’ best friends. Their sons are my brothers. We fought like it too. Having two moms who knew how to cook everything and two dads who seemed to know everything was an awesome way to grow up – except when it came time to get in trouble. That came in twos as well. However, having brothers that couldn’t routinely beat on the bathroom door was a pretty good bonus.

Thursday, Mike Kelly died at the age of 61 after a valiant stand with Alzheimer’s. 61, seriously.

The funeral was filled with tears and laughter. His wife and his children each wrote loving and funny letters about this wonderful man. I sat there thinking the miracle was he knew all this before he died. This family did not wait for death to understand love and they did not require a crisis to find closeness. I have watched them love – and have been loved by them – my entire life.

It occurred to me that so many of us live our lives as if this one thing today is a small thing. We fail to grasp the wondrousness of having the opportunity to experience the thing at all. I also considered how terrible it would be to mourn the death of a loved one with things left unsaid. Love left ungifted. How awful it would be to wonder if the one gone left knowing just how much they were cherished, loved, and respected.

It is a blessing to know this amazing man did not leave this world that way. It is a blessing that every word spoken for the family was a whole lot of love people already knew about. It is a miracle that still as an adult, after all this time, even in death, Mike Kelly is still teaching me things.

Today I encourage you to consider living a life full of gratitude for those you hold dear. Never resist the urge to pick up the phone, write the note, spend the time, send the message. Smile more. Hug a lot. Sure, for most of us we have a whole lot more time. But it isn’t guaranteed. Besides living one day or a million with that kind of love in your heart makes all the difference in the life.

Thanks for the coffee…

It’s like you are sitting there, getting bored, and decide to yourself,
“I think I will find something hard to do.”
~My Beloved

My husband is known for his over dramatic assessment of my personality on a regular basis. (In other words, he is spot on 99% of the time.) He typical takes an isolated incident and blows it into a full scale character trait of epic proportions. (Translation, he knows me better than I know myself and has the uncanny ability to assess my tendencies.) So, when he delivered the aforementioned declaration, I just pshawed the whole thought and went on about my day. (I mulled over it for days and days and now you will be subjected to some of the findings.)

The truth is, I have been known to get excited about various things. I have embraced a few interests and these I pursue with a passion. It can be viewed as zealous and over indulgent to some. Masochistic to others. However, for myself, it is my attempt to embrace the fullness of possibility, laugh in the face of fear, and prove to myself that I do, indeed, still have what it takes to overcome the big challenges.

How will one know what is possible to obtain if one does not continually stretch the bounds of accomplishment? Amazing records are broken every day – athletics, knowledge, accomplishment, business, endurance. All of these fields are inhabited by folks that get up earlier, stay up later, work harder, learn more, and refuse to be told that the best that has been done is the best anyone can do. And why not you or I? And why should any of us be content to be as good as we have always been because others find it unreasonable to think we can strive to be better than expected? Foolishness.

And there are few things I am more defiant of than fear. Fear, while a necessary emotion for a variety of reasons, cannot be allowed to sit in the driver seat of decision making. If being afraid or unafraid is the sole determiner for our yes or no, we are remiss if we do not quickly reevaluate our standings. This is so much the case when we tackle those challenges that appear hard. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of harm, fear of the unknown – all of these forms of fear can be paralyzing if not routinely assessed, processed, and dismissed. This habit is not an easy one for most and must therefore be practiced regularly to maintain.

Today I encourage you, us, to know without a doubt that we do, in fact, still have what it takes. If you exercise it regularly or have been out of practice for a while, there is still no time like the present to work that fortitude muscle out. Pick something, anything, that requires discipline, is greater than something you have done before, scares you just a bit (or even a lot), and sends your heart fluttering into the “hey, wouldn’t that be cool” zone. A bunch of different things can happen, and I can promise that utter failure is probably not one of them. Even if it does, you won’t be the first or the last. On the more likely flip side, you will probably experience some level of success, embrace a new possibility, laugh in the face of fear, and know for a fact, you’ve still got it.

Thanks for the coffee…

**Photo credit ground.zero

To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth… is potentially to have everything…
~Joan Didion

Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!
~Rocky Balboa

Self confidence is an interesting thing. If it is lacking, you have one set of problems. If you have it in abundance (regardless of its merit) you have others. There is a fine line of balance there. And, as difficult as this line may be to tread, it is a necessary introspection. There a few things that damage a relationship more than unbecoming behavior. And there is immeasurable damage done to oneself who has not learned to appreciate their own self worth.

The idea of self worth is one that cannot be taken lightly. In fact, I am learning that it is a topic that must be keep to the mind’s forefront. I amaze myself every time I allow an unfortunate, often trivial, event affect the whole of my mood – even when the vast amount of everything else is going fine. I appear to have a bit of company in this trait. It seems to be more common than ought that we allow ourselves, our moods, and our forward progression to be thwarted by obstacles of the sabotage kind. In truth, crappy stuff happens, we make mistakes, and we are subjected to the mistakes of others. That does not, in it self, describe, limit, or define our own self worth.

Self worth should also not be confused with self entitlement. Not one of us is guaranteed anything – not another day, another breath, another meal, another dream – nothing is guaranteed. We have our potential, our drive, our desire, and our right now. Those things are the raw materials with which we are granted the opportunity to create our best life. Should we under represent or employ any of these materials, our progress will be found wanting. It is not the disparaging nature in the world around us that have created this gap, but our own miscalculation of perception and utilization of our unique gifts.

Today I encourage you to know your worth – and don’t underestimate it. Protect it against the occurrences that inevitably pop up to undermine it. Appreciate its greatness. It is that worth that makes you capable of completing good works. Look for opportunities to make deposits into, grow, and nurture it. Remember, this is a valuable asset to you and your worth is an amazing resource. Use that worth towards efforts of good and be generous with it. It is in this generosity that this becomes one of our most valuable and effective renewable resources. And it is all in you.

Thanks for the coffee

Photo credit Trippography

A happy New Year!
Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I’ve played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.
~Edgar Guest

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~Anaïs Nin

Happy New Year! I want to thank all of you for being so patient with me as I took the holidays off. It was an amazing time of getting settled with my new team at work, enjoying family festivities, filing away all the things of 2011 and really getting ready to rock 2012.

I love New Year’s. It is so conducive to reflection, evaluation, and hope. It has come to be a special time for me. I have joyfully succeeded in taking nearly all the stress out of the holiday.

I do not make “before the end of the year” checklists. Likewise, I do not make resolutions…

Aside – Now I understand that “not making resolutions” has become the hip and “enlightened” thing to do. So let me say, if you DO make them, good for you. There is some real merit in making conscience decisions to modify and change. You, better than a coolio guru, know how your brain works. Always go with that.

…Both of these activities generate large amounts of stress in my life. Who needs that? Moreover, in truth, I already do this nearly EVERYDAY. I have things that need to get done. Some of it has to get rescheduled because I still haven’t figured out how to function with no sleep or add more hours to my day. But there is never NOT anything to do.

And I am consistently looking for ways to move into my potential. There are always skills I am looking to hone, things I would like to learn, habits I am attempting to unlearn. This does not simply happen once a year. It is a daily desire to confess, learn, and try again.

Today I encourage you embrace joyfulness. Be glad in the ability to throw out an old calendar and put up a new one. Enjoy the cleanness a new year brings. Resist the urge to place more stress on yourself than you should. Appreciate the things you do on a daily basis and do not buy into the idea that you have under performed or failed to be all that you should. It is a new day, everyday. Welcome to it.

Thanks for the coffee,

I have been in the business of dealing with people my whole life. You probably have too. Starting with family dynamics, moving into school days, then professionally, I do not live in a bubble. Working with, around, and for people is just a way of life.

In real estate I deal with a ton of people. These great folks have questions, they are making big decisions. I am a needed advisor. I appreciate that and I do my best to fulfill that role.

I fail sometimes, we all do. But, great customer service is not optional – it is necessary.

I was shopping last night with my family. I think I found a great gift. Unfortunately I will never know because I didn’t buy it. Well, actually I did buy it. However, when the total was much more than what I expected, I asked questions. And, oh boy, did I get answers. Loud answers, with a big heaping of attitude, a bit of finger pointing, with some slight neck work.

“It really is fine,” I said. “I think I just misunderstood.”

“Well,” more finger, neck, and attitude, “you said you had shopped here before.”

Really, that’s the answer? I have done business with you at some point so I am aware of all the little nuances of your workings? And because I have shopped here before I can expect to be talked to like an idiot in front of your whole store?

I again mentioned it was fine and turned to leave. I changed my mind and returned the gift. I was not spending money in that store today. I attempted to be as polite as I could to the cashier. I gushed apologies to those waiting in line. I was not trying to be ugly or cause a scene. I simply will not support that type of behavior. Everyone seemed to understand.

I supposed I could have gotten angry. But this lesson of customer service goes deeper than two people separated by a sales counter. It speaks to the larger movement of how we treat one another. It occurred to me that mean is usually loud. The majority responds by stooping to that level against their own character, or simply sucking it up to forgo the confrontation. There has to be a third option. The polite, “I am not participating in this behavior” choice.

Dealing with others, I think it is important to remember a few key factors

1. If someone is trying to be nice, let them and respond in kind.
2. If someone is testy, remember we all have had bad days. There is no way to know who their last conversation was with or what other factors are at play. You could be the one smile that lifts their spirits.
3. When someone insists on behaving poorly, interact only insomuch as you have to and with your own integrity. Sometimes it is unavoidable. Be who you are based on your own inner compass. Keep you in tact. Get it done and move on.
4. Regardless of which side of the transaction or relationship we are on, respect and kindness are appropriate.

Regardless of your industry or how you spend the majority of your time, it is probable that you interact with others on a regular basis. I am sure you have more to add. Please feel free to do so. How do you pursue kindness with others? What do you do when that just isn’t going to work?

I swear I think I have used this post title before…I think it had something to do with Lani…but I can’t remember. And, while Lani is indeed sexy (and fits everything about this post as well), let me tell you who else is sexy.

Rocky Turner is sexy. Angela Miller is sexy. Travis Robertson is sexy. Glad Doggett is sexy. Simcha Fisher is sexy. Brad Nix is sexy. Jessica Lebos is sexy. Lisa Leake is sexy. Jenny Rosenstrach is sexy…I could go on. In fact, in future posts, I will.

What is so sexy about these folks and tons of people just like them?

They are crazy, sexy, kind.

They know a lot of stuff – some of it fairly controversial in some circles. And they teach, share, and help – all while caring for the folks in their midst.

Does this sound easy to you? It isn’t. When you are filled with passion and you are witness to struggle, innovation, failure, hurt, success, choices…it is easy to bulge out your eyes, stick out your chest, point lots of fingers, and rage against what you see as the lesser way. It is easy, but it is not helpful, it isn’t kind, and it certainly isn’t sexy.

Kindness is sexy. Highlighting it has become my mission.

For reasons I am still fleshing out, the anger, frustration, cruelty, and general “if it bleeds, it leads” mentality of our current affairs has really disturbed my heart. This teaching by shaming, message by firing squad, and conversion of idea by beratement has me thinking back to an old Navy (and probably other organizations) saying, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” Yeah, that looks like it will work…

A chaotic good character favors change for a greater good, disdains organizations that get in the way of improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom, not only for oneself, but for others as well.
~ Brad Nix

When the disturbance of my heart over all the meanness first started, I reacted the way most people would – I got angry with the enraged and mean with the meanies – yeah, I am the poster child for effective :/. That didn’t last long because my heart couldn’t take it. Having that kind of emotion in me was exhaustingly soul killing – seriously, I don’t know how some of those folks do it. So, for a minute, I did nothing – worse, I gave up on the idea entirely and resigned the world of influence to the loud and obnoxious. Gracefully, I found another way.

My audience is small but purposeful. My voice is little but it is still heard. And when kindness is extended once, it has this uncanny ability to grow. I have faith in that. So I am gonna try it…besides, I think it is sexy…

*Feature Photo Credit Katerha

It has been an interesting year…looking back on 2011 as it comes to a close, it seems while one might say “business as usual” there are actually some fairly interesting movements.

Typically, I start each new year with an anthem of sorts…and honestly, I can’t remember what this year’s was. I suppose I could go back and look at some of the places I would have recorded it. But frankly, if I can’t remember, that says something about its importance.

Knocking on the door of 2012, I know there are things that have to change. They have to change because I have changed. I am known for a pretty thick skin. It has worn a bit thin. While I am more comfortable in it, I feel through it a bit differently. Situations that I could view or pass through unscathed now move me in ways that are distracting. My eyes well on a regular basis. My heart hurts. I feel sadness. It isn’t that I myself am sad, or my own circumstances cause pain, but the empathy for those around me.

I witnessed a great deal of pain, sickness, hurt, death, and despair this year. I also experienced great joy, love, creation, and happiness. I doubt there were more occurrences – I am simply more susceptible to its effects.

Things that used to seem interesting or even slightly important now seem pivotal and game changing…

Even as I write this, I realize I am not saying all the things I want to say. It is becoming clear that this movement will develop itself…continue to develop itself…as I grow and learn with it.

I know that I am not all that I could be. I also know that it is not because I fail – but because I have so much potential, I have great room for expansion! I know I make mistakes, I realize that I am not perfect. I understand that if I were to run for a public office, it would be interesting. But I also know that I am a fabulous person. I am not scarred by failure and missteps. I am enriched by experience and journeys.

This year I became a runner. It has had a marked effect on me as a person. It has strengthened nearly every aspect of my person, created some beautiful friendships, and has become a core characteristic of who I am. The combination of time alone, exercise to the body, and a great illustration of my personal fortitude have created a deeper understanding of all that I am capable of.

This year I have owned my profession. For the first time I refuse to accept second best in any aspect of my professional life. I have gone back to school. I have forged new relationships. I have clarified roles, positions, expectations. I accept full responsibility for things that are mine. I do not martyr myself for others who refuse to do the same. I appreciate that there will always be critics and people who have nothing better to do than to try to drag down others. They can do that by themselves – I am not playing that game anymore.

This year I have learned that meanness is a major contributor of all things ugly in the world. Its root is fear. Fear makes for dark places. I am learning to place more emphasis on compassion than right, grace than win, comfort than conversion. I have learned that people are defensive, not because they are created that way, but because they are conditioned to proverbial face slaps whenever a weakness or a fault shows through the façade. So we fake. And we puff out our chests and berate others over the one thing we have gotten right so that maybe no one will notice all the other things we have yet to figure out. Because we can’t be weak…we can’t be wrong…we can’t fail…yeah, I am calling bullshit on all of that. A little harsh in the language category? Maybe, but I am thinking I am going to get pretty darn militant about compassion, grace, and comfort.

This year my family is nearing the conclusion of the journey that will bring us fully into the Catholic faith. It has done more to strengthen our resolve as a family and increase our compassion to humanity in general than I can begin to explain to you. Is this an evangelical mission? Not unless you want it to be…otherwise, it is simply me sharing with you another moment in my year. Interesting that I even feel I have to qualify that…something I will need to chew on…at any rate, this journey is becoming more evident in nearly everything I do. I was nervous about that for a minute. I am not so much anymore.

I am excited about 2012. I am looking for wondrous happenings. I am as prepared as one can be for more heartbreak…because I am committed to loving and serving more fully. In that position, heartbreak just happens – I am working on no longer judging that as good or bad…it just is…and hurting for others is proof of the love for others. Compassion moves with people where they are…and sometimes those places are painful.

But I am committed to the rainbows and unicorns. I am committed to smiles and hugs. I am completely sold out to motivational posters and talking in bumper sticker…because, quite frankly, I am thinking that a happy dork is going to be more productive as a human than a hateful suave.

Photo credit to Planet Breathe

Do not abandon yourselves to despair.
We are the Easter people
and hallelujah is our song.

~Blessed Pope John Paul II

Thanksgiving is next week. I have been blessed to be around a bunch of folks who are taking this time of the year to intentionally reflect and name those things for which they are thankful. It is a glorious season.

Interestingly, this time of year also magnifies difficulties. Financial struggles become more pronounced. Estrangements and distance between family and friends becomes more noticeable. Fears about tomorrow and angst over yesterday occupy more of our minds.

There has been quite a bit of suffering, illness, tragedy, and death lately. I don’t know if it the hurts are increasing, if they are hitting closer to home, or I am just noticing them more.

I don’t have many words today (you are shocked I know). But even the chick who turns around Tuesdays finds some Tuesdays more heavy than others. In fact, I almost skipped today. If I myself have no words, then what is there to put out?

I can embody those things I always try to instill in others.

Today I encourage you remember the Easter, participate in the Thanksgiving, and be glad in the Advent, the new beginning that we are each afforded with every single breath. We cannot help others heal the ills that hurt our hearts if we wallow in our own. We cannot offer comfort to those afflicted if we constantly require comforting ourselves. We cannot carry on the mission of those who have gone before us if we are plagued by grief. We are human and we hurt. We are blessed and we sing the hallelujah song. Sometimes we just have to do them at the same time.

Thanks for the coffee,

Start by doing what’s necessary;
then do what’s possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

~Saint Francis of Assisi

One of my favorite contemplations on All Saints Day is the remembrance that all the Saints honored were human. Most all were flawed, wronged, broken-hearted, misguided, misunderstood or generally, well, normal and just like me.

What they accomplished (and I so often forget) is remembering that it is in the journey, the putting of one foot in front of the other, that real accomplishment lives. It is in the belief that steadfast dedication to the progression of a mission is just as, if not more, important than ones ability. There is also a case there for the idea that a little prayer is always helpful, but that’s a different column.

Regardless of higher power belief system, the lesson of the Saints holds true. Ordinary people can do extraordinary things. And while skill, intelligence, natural-born talent may assist or propel, one must find the determination to do and the perseverance to continue.

We are not discussing those moments where the journey is easy, although those times are much enjoyable. We are discussing those times when it is easier to stay in bed, pull the covers over our heads to block out the needs of those around us, and throw up our hands in defeat at the bigness of it all.

Today I encourage you forget the fear encompassed in the idea of failure. Instead consider the harm if nothing is done at all. Consider those in need, the project that brings good, the idea that helps. Then consider the old idea, “If not you, who? And if not now, when?” Then pick one thing. Just one. Commit to that, the necessary, the needed, the must be done. Then just keep going. Most folks I know are so much more talented than they believe and so much more capable than they dare to admit. Yeah, I am talking about you. Let me be the one to remind you (and me) – Most things we think are impossible have already been accomplished by someone, somewhere, so it isn’t. And those things that haven’t are just waiting on someone like you to be first.

Thanks for the coffee.

It takes no more time
to see the good side of life
than to see the bad.~Jimmy Buffett
Tales from Margaritaville

I am a glass half full kinda girl. In fact, I am a “Woohoo! I gotta a glass with stuff in it and room for more stuff this is awesome!” kinda girl. Optimism, in my view, is an understatement for the possibilities in which to view life.

I am also, interestingly enough, prone to paralyzing fear and doubt. There are moments of “holy crap there is no way any thing I do will make sense, turn out, or save me from ruining the entire world as we know it.” Dramatic? Maybe. But completely accurate in describing the ninja in my head that tries to steal my half full glass.

When these two forces collide in my brain space, there is really only one thing to do – mix a margarita and consider the age old question, “What would Jimmy Buffett do?”

Okay, so I jest (a little). But the truth is perception, while not everything, is a monumental part of that thing. In each situation, there are always multiple views, angles and possibilities. We can choose to focus on the dire and the paralyzing. Or, we can choose to focus on the possible and the enriching. Now understand, while I am an optimist, I understand reality. I am not saying ignore the negative. I am saying that unproductive side shows are best kept in their proper perspective.

Today I encourage you exercise your influence over your perspective. Ask the questions, “Where is the good?” Understand that while it seems easier to see the bad, it actually takes more energy. Negativity is the biggest momentum killer I know. So, while it may take a bit more initial effort to find the positive opportunity, it will pay off in increased energy, creativity, and production. Plus, rumor has it that decreased stress will make you skinny. Who knows? I am just saying. At any rate, happy sure feels better than ticked off.

Thanks for the coffee (or the margarita),

Photo credit to snicky7884