Post 'Grateful and Ungrateful People' from 'Male eXperience'

What matters to me? What’s important? Why am I doing it?

Let me put it into context. I received a comment to one of the videos where Alun told the story of his marriage and the issues that he and his wife are dealing with. He finished,

“So for me Graham, this program has arrived by fate in time hopefully to get our lives back on track and to open a new chapter in our lives.”

Alun hit right to the very core of what the programme is all about. It’s about helping men turn themselves and their marriage round so they can create amazing lives for themselves and their wives.

What is most powerful for me is the synergy of gratitude inherent in this. He is grateful for the opportunity I have presented to effect change in his life and I am grateful that he sees what I am saying and is determined to do something about it.

Compare that to the comment of an unnamed former colleague of mine who reacted to an email I sent my lighting design contacts about the launch of the programme. On a message board of anonymous people he said,

“i says it flim flam as women are completely incomprehensible”

He then goes on to seriously mock elements of my work and writing.

I don’t care what he thinks of me but I am upset that he feels the need to do this publicly and tries to get kudos for himself in the process. What I do is not for everyone but does it make someone feel better about themselves when they knock down something that’s not for them?

I sense a feeling of entitlement in the latter commenter that is entirely absent in Alun’s case.

To see their difference is to see much of the difficulties that men have in relating to the world.

I think all men I meet have issues to deal with, issues of certainty, issues of awareness, issues of authenticity. The difference is the willingness to accept that they exist and the willingness to do something about them. Thank goodness there are Alun’s in this world. Thank goodness the trolls don’t rule.

Post 'Grateful and Ungrateful People' from 'Male eXperience - Men and Masculinity'

Post 'How To Love A Woman – The Ultimate Course' from 'Male eXperience'

‘How To Love A Woman’ launches today.

Men, I’d like to introduce the online course I have created for you. I have developed it so that it will take you to the point:

• where you understand yourself as a man.
• where you know your strength.
• where you understand your woman.
• where you have a relationship of love and passion.

To understand what this course can do for you, you need to understand something about me, you need to believe something that is deep within me.

• I know the struggle you are going through as a man.
• I know the pain you have in your relationship.
• I know what this has cost you in emotional and financial terms.
• I know the potential future cost to you if things don’t get better.
• I know the discomfort you have with your partner.
• I know the frustration, even the anger that you feel.

I know what you are going through, I know where you are and I know what you need to do to ease the pain and let go of the struggle.

I have been there! I have been exactly where you are now! I have been through the same struggle and I have experienced the same pain in my own life.

I have created ‘How To Love a Woman’ from the pain I have experienced and from the joy I have found in moving beyond that pain and struggle.

I know you and I know the pain so you can trust me to help you ease your pain, you can trust me to help you let go of your frustration and anger.

‘How To Love a Woman’ enables you:

• to become aware of yourself and your issues.
• to face your pain and look at your life.
• to design your life the way you want it.
• to look at and re-visit your relationship.
• to live your new life.

Emotional and physical strife and difficulty in your marriage creates so much confusion and hurt it seems almost impossible to get beyond it. When you think your marriage sucks you feel that you created it and you feel sad that it is failing. Sometimes you go further and get mad with your partner for forcing you into this.

But you don’t know what to do about it and that kicks you in the gut – because you know how to solve problems – but not this one – that makes you feel so small, so insignificant.

You don’t know what you are doing – you don’t know where to go.

Then here I come telling you you need to go back to school and learn how to be a man, learn how to love a woman. That sucks!

“How come you know so much”, you think, “what’ve you got that’s so special.”

You remember the great sex you used to have and you are painfully aware that it has gone. “What’s a marriage for without sex”, you think. “How can I bring it back”, you wonder.

You feel that things are so bad in your marriage that you don’t know where it’s going to go or what’s going to happen to it. There’s no money any more, certainly not enough to spend on doing a course, “What would the missus say?” you ask.

You wonder how I can help you, you think that I don’t know your problems, you feel there’s no point anyway.
Your anger and hurt builds until it’s ready to explode.

Just pause for a moment and go on a journey with me, a journey into the future, into your future.

Imagine yourself stepping out into the future and see yourself as a man who is confident and grounded, a man who gives certainty to those around him.

Your partner is with you and she sees you as a strength in your marriage, she looks up to you and expresses her love for you. In your strength you express your emotions and find them released. You see success growing in your business and working life. You feel exhilarated by the prosperity you are beginning to experience.

You see how your marriage has become one of joy and fun. You love spending time with your wife and you are excited that she has found a renewed interest in sex and in you. She loves your masculine strength and she loves the powerful energy she feels in you.

You have found out how to make life amazing for your wife and yourself because you know where you are going as a man. You understand the issues that still exist in your marriage and you are dealing with them.

Feel that renewal stretching into the future, feel the joy, feel the power, feel the energy. See it growing and becoming deeper. Enjoy it.

I know where that shift comes from, I went through it and I have put all that energy and passion into the course, ‘How To Love a Woman’.

You need determination and commitment to make this work, but I know you have that, you are a man after all. You need to decide that the pain is going stop now and you are going to move forward and take action.

If you make the commitment and you dedicate yourself to grow and change you will gain:

• Inner strength.
• Understanding of woman.
• Power to renew your marriage.

‘How To Love A Woman’ will help you become a man again.

How much is it worth to you have a relationship of love and passion? How much is your partner worth to you? How much is a life of certainty, grounding and presence worth to you?

It’s time for you to decide how much your life is worth, how much your marriage is worth, how much your partner is worth.

It’s time to make your decision. What’s it worth to you to resolve these issues in your life, what’s it worth to you to go forward and develop your masculinity, understand your partner and create the relationship of your dreams.

Take the challenge to be a man. Let go of the pain of a relationship that isn’t working.

Let go of the confusion you have about your masculinity.

Let go of the frustration you feel with your wife.

Move beyond the mistakes you have made in your marriage.

Find the joy that is waiting for you in the future. Find the love of your woman. Find a new life of excitement, prosperity and renewal. Find the power in your masculinity.

Post 'How To Love A Woman – The Ultimate Course' from 'Male eXperience - Men and Masculinity'

Post 'Beowulf – Great View by Jayson Gaddis' from 'Male eXperience'

I love the way he applies to everyday issues that men face in life.

What Men Can Learn From Beowulf

written by Jayson Gaddis
in Jayson Gaddis – Telling The Truth About The Masculine Journey.

When I saw Beowulf I was struck by how much it relates to my life. I’m guessing there’s a lot of men out there just like Beowulf. **Note: I do give away the story here so be forewarned. And, lots of conjecture here.

The old English poem has many interpretations. I’m choosing to focus on the 2007 Hollywood version (which is distinctly different from the original story and well worth the watch) since it’s the only one I have seen. I’m also choosing to laser in on how it personally relates to my life in hopes that it may serve yours.

In watching the movie, one pertinent question emerged:

How can I hold true to my integrity and maintain my powercenter* in the face of all the seductions, challenges, and distractions in life?

(*by “powercenter” I mean the lower dantian. Marital artists know this as the center of gravity in our bodies and critical to holding one’s ground during conflict, combat, etc. I’m no martial artist, but I do apply it to the rest of my life).

The Hollywood Beowulf tale is about a powerful warrior who can kill any beast with his bare hands, but then caves in the face of a dark feminine “monster.”

In order for this (dark) feminine to give birth to a dragon, she needs the seed of a warrior willing to betray himself (dark masculine), which is precisely what Beowulf does. She uses him, he uses her. They make each other stronger (by ego standards) by working together. Then in his misery and to gain some self-respect back, he has to slay the dragon he birthed.

My interpretation of this particular Beowulf tale is about how tempting it is to betray myself in the face of the seductive energies in life. These “seductive” energies are whatever could “take me out” of my center and out of my integrity.

When given the opportunity, it appears that a lot of us men will abandon ourselves (and our center) for the promise of getting something “better” or feeling “better.” Or, we might get hooked by the desire for an ‘instant gratification quick-hit’ which serves us in avoiding the deeper work that might be called for. Or when I’m not able or willing to tolerate the discomfort (charge) in the face of adversity, I buckle and give away my life force.

For example, when we need to get shit done in life and focus, we face a variety of “seductive” energies (from porn, to sports, to napping, to facebook) that also seduce our attention away from the task at hand. For an ADD-mind like mine, it can be challenging to stay on target.

When Beowulf takes his eye off the ball by sleeping with Angelina Jolie, he gains his perceived power and his ego’s appetite gets temporarily satisfied. He has all the riches he wants, he becomes a powerful leader with lots of willing followers, and he can have any woman he desires. But none of it is any remedy for the shame he feels having betrayed his own integrity by giving his power away. Then he chooses to lie in order to face his comrades, thus feeling like shit.

Of course, like many of us who feel ashamed, he chooses to keep it a secret for the rest of his life, and so others don’t really know that he is inwardly lost and ghost-like having lost his self-respect. Thus the hero remains sick inside, dead, empty, lost. Why? Perhaps because he doesn’t even respect himself.

And, this is how it is when we take the easy road of distraction. It feels good now then bites us in the ass later.

A classic example is an affair, or an affair with porn. Men will keep it a secret thus giving their shame added strength and credibility. On top of hidden shame, these men will discharge their “seed” regularly, thus giving away their life force over and over. And the cycle continues. Yet temporary “quick hits” are no match for the results that come from deeper rigor and work.

This is what happens when a man is unable or unwilling to hold true to himself, his body, and his integrity. He lets just about anything invade his space that “feels good” and that gives him respite from any discomfort (intense charge) he may feel in his life. I imagine most of us can find ourselves relating to Beowulf in some aspect of our lives.

Think about it. It’s pretty hard to maintain our powercenter in this fast-paced culture with endless distractions coming at us all day long. And, when I don’t occupy my center, I’m vulnerable to “checking out” behaviors that distract me from staying “on target” and “in my center” in life.

Go to What Men Can Learn From Beowulf and read the rest of the post where Jayson looks at what we can do about this.

Post 'Beowulf – Great View by Jayson Gaddis' from 'Male eXperience - Men and Masculinity'

Post 'Sean Connery (100 Men List)' from 'Male eXperience'

The 100 men list is intended to show different views of what it is to be a man. No one of them is how it should be, no one of them is correct. What I hope is that from these views you will be able to add shades of meaning to your own personal masculinity.

More Information on Sean Connery

Post 'Sean Connery (100 Men List)' from 'Male eXperience - Men and Masculinity'

Post 'Understanding Women – The Key To Amazing Relationships' from 'Male eXperience'

I just didn’t know what to do.

It wasn’t until I stepped into my power as a man that things started to really make sense to me. It wasn’t until I looked at myself that I realised I understood the language all along.

When you are learning how to attract a woman or trying to find a relationship, the skill of understanding women will be essential.

I am not talking about the times you are horny and just want to have sex. What I am talking about is when you really start to understand the complex nature of women.

The first thing you need to know is that it starts with you.

Understanding Women – The Keys

To understand real women, the women you want to spend your life with, you need to come to grips with the complex nature of femininity. There is no quick guide to understanding women or femininity, but I intend to start the process here.

Women’s brains are wired differently from men’s. While a man’s brain is compartmentalised, focused and directed, a woman’s brain connects everything up, and it does it all the time. You must have noticed that a woman can think and talk about totally unrelated subjects in one sentence, continually.

A woman’s body is in a constant state of flux due to hormone changes. The hormonal, or menstrual, cycle of women is often compared to that of the moon; when the moon is full everything is fine, when the moon is new everything turns dark. Waxing or waning, it depends. This is exactly how many men experience intimacy and sex with women, it depends. If men don’t start understanding women this drives them crazy.

Understanding Women – Erratic behaviour

She says one thing, then does another. She puts on this dress then changes again. This might come across as chaotic, but is due to a third factor: an uncanny sensitivity. Her mood is constantly changing with a look out the window or something in a magazine. With it the outer world changes. It happens in a moment.

Learn to love it – it is part of who she is.

Understanding Women – Female Testing

She expects you to read her mind, to show you care. She is expecting you to pass the tests you didn’t know about. Whatever she throws out at you mostly has to do with her. She tests you because she loves you and wants to be with you. A man passes the tests by staying centred in his own strength.

A woman doesn’t want you to give in all the time, she wants you to believe in your mission, in what you stand for. Her tests are geared to find out how grounded you are in yourself. The feminine energy is an energy that is aloof. With you grounded, she can open up safely to it.

Understanding Women – How To Attract Women

Being engaging, having a good sense of humour and feeling confident in yourself are the best attributes to attract women. Having a good reputation, being healthy and doing ok financially adds to the mix. Women also like a man who can carry on an interesting conversation and can appreciate a good joke.

For most women, good looks are more of a bonus. The great song: ‘Girls are going crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man‘ is very true. Unfortunately many men keep hanging on to their T-shirts and Jeans…

Understanding Women – Body language

Although conversation is appreciated, you mostly communicate through your body language. When you are centred in yourself, your confidence, your masculinity, your comfort with your sexual desires radiates outward.

Men that are centred in their own power don’t worry what others think of them. That message hits home with a woman. The purpose of Male eXperience is to give men a reference of this and help men step into that power.

Understanding Women – The Game

These concepts are used cleverly and blatantly by, so-called, ‘Alpha Males’ and ‘Pick-Up Artists’. Whilst this works in the short term, as many men trumpet on the internet, beyond that a different process comes into play. Women need to trust their man and can see when he is being inauthentic or dishonest.

Once the initial lust has been satisfied on both sides it essential that a man is totally himself and in his power for a woman to take him seriously. Women cannot be fooled and men throughout history have found this out to their cost.

Finally…

Charlie shares the honest, but less-than-understandable gospel detailing the female infrastructure to Sam, his soon to be son-in-law. Movie: “Shenandoah” 1965.

Alison Armstrong talks about Women and Focus….

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