Mama Mandolin

growing too fast.

2013-05-08T10:03:00.001-07:00

They grow so fast, don't they?

tips on taking your kids out in public without losing your mind

2013-05-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think I have a pretty good handle on wrangling two curious children in public. In 3 years I've had a lot of experience being out with them completely alone and have learned a trick or two to avoid having a mental breakdown immediately upon returning home. Thought I'd share with you what works for me.

-Make sure you're completely ready to go before you tell them you're going anywhere. If your kids are like mine, if you tell them we're going somewhere, they want to go immediately-not in 10 minutes after you finish getting everything together.

- Let them bring something they love. For my boys, it's little cars. They're each allowed one or two cars to carry with them. Wearing clothes with pockets helps so they can store their cars when we're out and about. (They think they're pretty cool using pockets.)

- SNACKS. I always, always have bribe food in my purse.

- Front facing kids carts. Target is one of the only places around here where they can face forward and watch as we roll around.

- Have a game plan. When we go to Target, or the grocery store (the two places we go most often) this is usually how it goes:

* We go directly to the carts, get in and head for snacks. In Target we get a bag of crackers or something they can munch on through the store. We also go to the little Starbucks for a couple of waters. I can't tell you how much food helps to distract them. Yeah, I could bring stuff from home, but buying it there, getting a special treat, is much cooler.

* Get what I need to get, and quickly. If the boys are good, we'll stop in the toy section to look at stuff. To get them back in the cart I tell them we're going to go look for (insert whatever they want here) so they need to get back in. Usually it does the trick. They eventually forget about it.

So what happens when your kids start freaking out? Because they will. I've dealt two screaming newborns in Target to two tantruming boys in the grocery store. I can usually manage to keep my cool by remembering these things:

- Don't worry about anybody else. Who cares if your kid is loud? People can mind their own business unless they want to deal with your crazy child.

-Bribery is ok. Seriously. I bribe all the time. And usually they forget about the bribe. But if that's what it takes to get your kid down from freak-out-mode, that's what it takes.

- Do NOT lose your cool. Getting pissed off isn't going to help anybody. The more your force your kid to do one thing, especially when he's already being a crazy person, it's just going to make the situation worse. And that's usually when people start staring at you...when you're being just as crazy as your kid.

- Time outs. You bet your little hiney we do time outs in public. In grocery store isles, outside restaurants. Even when I'm standing there next to my angry, yelling child while people walk by with "I feel bad for that kid" look on their face. Your kids need to know there are immediate consequences to behaving like a little a-hole, and being in public isn't protection against those consequences.

When you have help

Another thing we like to do, when Chikezie and I are out together with the boys, especially at a restaurant or store- he'll do the paying/buying of the items while I take the boys outside to either wait or go to the car. I'm usually better with both of them, they're not stuck standing in a line where all they want to do is push buttons and tear things off shelves, and we're getting some fresh air.

When we're at restaurants, we order food for the boys immediately upon sitting down, before we do even our drink orders. The faster they get their food, the better.

Just remember to have patience with your kids. They're small. They're still learning the rules of the world. Most of the time they're just so darn excited they don't know how else to process their emotions than to touch everything/run/be psychotic. One thing I can definitely guarantee though, is that taking them out more often will help give you some extra confidence and make you more comfortable with being out with them alone. Start with small, quick outings and build your way up to whatever your goal may be.

***

What are some of your tried and true methods of keeping your cool while out with your kids in public? Please share-we could all use the pointers!

let's talk celebrity crushes.

2013-04-30T15:55:00.003-07:00

Ok so today on Rage Against the Minivan they talked about top 5 celebrity crushes....and of course I need to get in on this action.

Dear Husband, I love you, but ya' gotta have a list. (He totally has one, too.)

So, in no particular order:

Only long hair, Chris Hemsworth. I don't know why, I just like him with longer hair. He's kind of like a new, Australian version of Brad Pitt (looks wise). The accent definitely ups the hot factor, and the fact that he's Thor. And now he has a baby- and the photos of him carrying the baby all the time are just-heart eyes!

Shia Lebouf. I've watched him since he was on the Disney Channel! It's hard to believe he's the same goofy kid he was then. He's got this-unconventional/hipster/f-the-world vibe that just oozes attractiveness.

Idris Elba. Chikezie is going to give me crap for this one because he always tells me to stop drooling when we see him on tv and I insist I don't think he's hot...but he is.

Dwayne Johnson. Because he's just a giant good looking man with a great smile. No matter how many shitty movies he does.

Joseph Gordon Levitt. I LOVE HIM. How can you not? Seriously. How can you not love him??

Who are your top 5 celebrity crushes?? Please share! I want to hear everyone's picks!

a man with a sense of humor

2013-04-29T16:02:00.001-07:00

If you know my husband, you know he's a funny guy. He loves to laugh, (and has one of my favorite laughs), and he loves to make people laugh. It's how he copes, how he bonds, how he relates. His sense of humor is by far my favorite thing about him.

And now I get to watch him be the funny dad. He tolerates things I can't- like the boys pulling at his face and giggling at him. (It would drive me nuts.) I love watching him and the boys in their own little man-world. So, this weekend I just sat back and captured a little bit of it, with gooey-heart-eyes the whole time. I mean, is there anything better than this?

Stella and Dot Trunk Show!

2013-04-26T15:32:00.002-07:00

In case you guys forgot, or didn't know, April is Autism Awareness month...and in case you didn't know- it's still April!

I'm hosting a Stella and Dot Trunk Show right now and they're donating 20% of the retail sales from the Autism Awareness Collection to the HollyRod Foundation -which gives support to those living with Autism and Parkinson's disease. How awesome, right? You get one of their beautiful pieces to spice up your jewelry collection, and you're helping support a good cause.

Some of my faves? Maya Pendant, How She Does It Bag- in Navy Stripes

And this beauty from the Autism Awareness line:

Spirit Bracelet

It's prefect for simple jewelry girls like me who don't bother with a whole bunch of bling each day, but it's nice to ad one small thing each day to make me feel a little more girly. I mean, how dainty and cute is that?

So PLEASE- head on over to the trunk show, there are only a few days left in April! (Oh, and in case you forgot, Mother's Day is coming up. Easy and beautiful gifts for mom, BOOM.)

CLICK HERE to enter the trunk show and find something beautiful!

growing stuff.

2013-04-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been a little bit slow around here this week. It may be this way for the next couple of weeks, there's just a lot of busyness happening around here. Spring and summer tend to do that, get us out of the house, get us moving and keeping us busy.

This weekend I worked outside all day, both days.

I planted a mini garden in a small space next to our driveway. Our landlord told me he hadn't been able to get much to grow here, I'm determined to prove him wrong! I mixed Sure Start fertilizer in, hand tilled up all that soil and then added some nutrient rich soil from the nursery. Crossing my fingers that was enough. I planted some beans, carrots, tomatoes and transplanted some strawberries I'd planted in the back that weren't getting enough sun. Later I added some mulch, hopefully it'll help this super dry soil to retain some water, and it just looks better than this dirt. I also got a cute little border fence at Home Depot to keep it all looking nice. It's in the front of the house, so I'd like it to look clean.

So far, 4 days later, everything is still alive and looking good!

Since I learned the hard way that our backyard just doesn't get enough consistent sun to grow many veggies, I scrapped what I had going on back there and got some pretty bush/shrubs and annuals to fill in while they grow. I added some mulch to cover all the open dirt and I'm pretty proud of it. These will grow to be about the size of the other flowering shrubs, enough to cover the ground and keep a pretty maintenance free back yard. So far, everything is still growing!

It's been fun letting the boys "help" me "pwant fwowas". They like digging in the dirt (especially Julian) and Isaiah has been really into helping me water everything this week. I'm hoping it's a little bit of an opportunity to expand on words, get them talking, maybe teach them a thing or two. We talk about how the plants are thirsty for water just like they're thirsty for water, and that they need a drink so they can grow big. I don't think the boys quite understand that our garden will have vegetables until they can actually see them.

I've so much enjoyed doing yard work. Growing up on a farm, helping my mom with the gardens we always had growing up, this all just feels natural to me. We've lived in apartments until this point, I'm so thankful we have the space, and an awesome landlord who lets me plant things!

Are any of you guys gardeners? Have any tips for me!?

so, i'm finally going to lose this weight.

2013-04-11T16:11:00.001-07:00

I've tried a variety of things over the past couple of years to lose the last 10-15 lbs of baby weight that still hold on to me for dear life. This weight? This isn't like before. Before I had the boys, I lost about 15 lbs and a whole bunch of body fat. I worked with a trainer for over a year, I ran a few miles a few days a week as well as hit up the gym before or after work. I was good. I'm naturally an athletic and competitive person, I'd really hit my stride and felt great.

With my friend Rachel before a 5K.

It's not the same anymore. Pregnancy really did some work to me, physically and mentally. I've just been stuck in this rut since about last year that I just haven't been able to break out of. Moving long distance twice in the past year along with all of the challenges raising two little boys learning to talk...this past year did a number on me. I just can't seem to gain any traction, find a way to lose the weight that works for me. And let me tell you, these pounds don't want to go anywhere! It's true what they say about losing those last few pounds after having kids, they just seem to hold on the tightest.

I've always felt best eating clean, putting good things in my body consistently. Living with someone who can just eat what he wants has made things difficult, especially when what he wants includes some form of baked goods or pizza. And I'd give in, I'd think I was ok eating so much because he could eat more, so I obviously was ok. But our bodies don't work the same and I've just felt swollen. I've felt puffy, weak, soft. My clothes never fit right, they pucker and pull in the wrong places.

The hardest part of losing weight this time is that it has to be a full on all fronts attack. I need to eat clean, I need to work my ass off. I have to exercise when I don't feel like it, when I feel like there are a million other things I should be doing. I have to track my calories, to hold myself accountable.

I'm about 2 weeks into a DietBet and I'm feeling good. I've only lost 2 lbs (last week, just barely) but I've run and walked almost 15 miles this week and done some circuit training (so sore) and already feel tighter this week. We'll see what the scale says in a few days. I'm eating protein packed meals, lots of veggies and fruits, and oh lordy the water.

It's so crazy to me how some women snap back from pregnancy. My mind literally can not compute how it happens. It's not just famous people, real women everywhere look just fine after kids without doing much. Well, I'm tall but not a bean pole. I'm pear shaped, I've got a small waist and some big child-bearin' hips. I've got strong legs and swimmers shoulders (even though I'm not a swimmer) I just haven't been putting any of it to use. If you don't use it, you lose it.

A lot of women start to accept that they'll never look like their pre-pregnancy selves. Well, I want to look better. Yeah, I have stretch marks and wider hips and blah blah blah. I'm not going to settle anymore, I've never been this person and I've had just about enough of myself being a wimp about all of this. Laying around for 9 months baking those dudes really softened my will, and well, it's back.

Time to get ish done.

Filoli Gardens {San Francisco Bay Area family outing)

2013-04-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

My sister in law came up from Santa Barbara for a visit this weekend and we always try to go do something fun while she's here. This weekend we decided to hit up Filoli Gardens and well, gorgeous. The place is insanely beautiful and I secretly wish I owned it and had a fence to put around it and then just let the boys run around the forest all day knowing they were probably somewhere out there and burning off all their energy. That probably sounded bad.

But really, if you live in the Bay Area, you really need to go here. You can even get a yearly pass to go as often as you'd like, as there are different things blooming each season. The boys really enjoyed running around outdoors and every direction you turn is another beautiful garden. I really just had to aim and shoot with my camera (we had our hands full trying to keep the boys from running away) and was pleased when I got home that all the quick shots came out so nicely. I really didn't edit much, just a little contrast and exposure here and there. Like I said, this place is amazing.

And so now, massive photo dump of pretty.

the story of mandey and chikezie : part 1

2013-04-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by reading Mandy's story of how she met her husband and thought I'd share a little bit about how I met mine!

Ours is not a story of blind dates, of chance meetings, or of rekindling old romance. Ours is mostly a story of two drunk college kids finding each other in a bar, and then falling hard. It's just a plain ole story of two people falling in love.

It was October 2005, I was a junior in college. Fall is such a good time of year in Iowa. College football, beautiful weather, and I was about to turn 21. I hadn't really had any long term relationships at this point in my life...ever. I'd casually dated a couple guys here and there in college but never found someone on the same page as me.

Almost 21 year old Mandey with my roommate, and friend since middle school, Cody.

I was definitely full swing in my party stage, having the time of my life. (If you know about the University of Iowa, you know that when I was in school, you could get into bars under 21. Like we weren't going to drink?) There was one bar in particular where all the underage kids went, and it just so happened that there was this really good looking guy always at the door.

One day, shortly before I was to turn 21, I must have been feeling particularly awesome (and drunk) that I had enough courage to stop him as he was making his way through the bar. I grabbed his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Mandey." He said, "Hey, I'm Chikezie" (probably a little taken off guard by my forwardness.) I don't know what we said after that, but it was only a minute or two and we exchanged numbers right there. Boom. I'm good. And I had no idea what his name was because I mean, how often do you hear someone tell you their name is Chikezie? Like, never. I pretended to type his name into my phone like I totally knew what was going on. The next day I really struggled to remember who "xxzyzy" was in my phone.

I somehow managed to remember his name, and added him on facebook. You know, what you do when you're in college and just met someone once. I was really good at stalking. We started chatting almost daily on facebook and I'd stop by the bar whenever I was out to 1. show my friends how hot this guy was that I was talking to and 2. drunkenly make an ass of myself while attempting to not awkwardly flirt with him.

I mean....how could I not? Look at that hottie.

This continued for a couple of weeks. We started bonding over our love of stupid movies (and knowing all the quotes). He was hilarious. I think that's what drew me to him, he was just a hot, funny guy. We had the same sense of humor and always had something to joke together about. And he was just straight up honest. No game playing or treating me like he didn't care (like a lot of college guys do). After 2 weeks one day he just straight told me, "I'd be honored to call you my girlfriend." I mean. How do you say no to that?

And that was it. I knew I loved him, and told him so after about a month of dating. He was my first love, and I knew it right away. *Cue relationship photos montage*

We allowed each other freedom to go out on our own with friends which sometimes doesn't happen in new relationships. I had girlfriends who started dating a new guy and we'd never see them again. I never wanted to be that girl, and he understood my need for independence. I clicked with his friends, and mine all loved him. We were silly together, and just slowly grew to love each other more and more each year.

It just worked.

my lucky number: thoughts on another baby

2013-04-04T16:19:00.004-07:00

We're always getting the question, "Do you guys plan on having more kids?" and I never quite know how to answer.

Chikezie is happy with our family size. I think it has a lot to do with being the breadwinner. Adding one more mouth to feed to a 4 person family seems a little overwhelming. Although we already need a bigger car, we'd definitely need one with another baby in the mix. I think he worries about the added stress another baby could be on our marriage. Having kids is stressful! What happens when we add in another one? I think he doesn't feel too outnumbered right now, 2 kids, two parents. It works.

For me? I absolutely, positively want one more baby. You see, there's only one problem with having twins, the first time, and by accident. We've never had to make the decision. (Well, directly sit down and say "do we want kids?") By fate, the decision was kind of made for us. If we only had one baby, we'd be more likely to sit down and really discuss having another. I think both of us would want our child to have a brother or sister. But when you have twins? It's a huge decision to have another.

I have no fear. My heart knows everything would be just fine. We were in the least optimal situation when we found out we were pregnant. It was hard- moving, one very tight income, my body doing a huge job for the first time, the uncertainty, the worry, the unknown. You know what we did? We figured it out. And the crazy thing about our relationship is that when we go through stressful situations, we end up getting closer in the process instead of farther apart.

I suppose I'm just greedy. I get really sad watching videos of the boys as babies. I wonder if that was my only chance? Was that the only time I'd get to feel those little flutters in my belly? Our only chance to meet this little being we created for the very first time? I want another chance, just one more, now that I know what I'm doing and what to appreciate. I want to snuggle on the couch in the middle of the night, I want to see a first smile, to wash itty bitt clothes, change bibs full of drool and feel someone so small and innocent fall asleep on me.

The stretch marks, the gained weight, the late nights and even earlier mornings? These and all other struggles of the first few years don't feel intimidating to me at all anymore. We went through it knowing nothing with double the challenges and we're still trucking along just fine. I want the boys to be big brothers, like my husband and his twin brother are such great big brothers to their sisters. When you see your husband as such a great example of what you want your sons to be, it's only natural to want more.

Now that I'm a mom, I realize the most important thing I'll ever do in my life is this. I got this. Sometimes it's hard. Like when we were trying to figure out the colic in the first couple months. Or when it took them forever to walk. And talk. And when they're throwing tantrums and fighting with each other. But never once, even in the most difficult moments, do I look at my children and ever regret our decision to bring them into this world. We got this. Like when you start working at a job you really like and you feel completely confident handling the next challenge your boss throws at you, we got this.

Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate our blessings. I count them daily (and kiss and love on them). But there will always be a small space in my heart just waiting. Waiting for that one last, little blessing to complete it all. Three has always been my lucky number.

what you do on Easter while banana bread is in the oven.

2013-04-02T14:55:00.002-07:00

Isaiah's hair blowing up over the top of his hood, his pants slowly becoming too short for his growing legs, his eyes on the place on the bridge where he'll be brave enough to jump.

Julian's constant serious look, trademark turned in feet and one little curl on his forehead.

Isaiah proudly looking on as his brother goes down the big slide on his own. Julian hating the sand, sporting his mismatched socks.

Isaiah waiting patiently at the end of the slide for his brother, shoes on the wrong feet. Small, sweet hands gripping the side of the slide.

Finally something the boys can climb on their own. Aunt Answer with a helping hand incase Julian's tired little legs needs a little boost. He's climbed up this thing at least 10 times.

Isaiah making sure mommy is watching. A Julian photo bomb.

Julian's hands in his pockets, holding the Easter eggs a nice lady gave him at the park. He's watching daddy ride his bike over to us. Eyes are always on daddy.

Isaiah's first trip down the slide on the cool Easter evening. (While daddy watches on.) In a rare moment, he looks a lot more like daddy than mommy.

My favorite.

This was our Easter evening, a short 40 minute trip to the park across the street from our house. We were home just in time to take the banana bread out of the oven and open the Easter eggs a nice mom in the park gave us (as we walked in on an Easter egg hunt in progress).

Not all photos a composed perfectly or in focus. Sometimes I get caught up in the photographic details that I forget about the subjects. The reason I take these photos is to remember, to be able to look back on fondly when these boys are taller than me. The little gestures, the facial expressions, the small quirks of each photo really mean so much to me.

As a mom, as the photographer for our family most days, as a blogger, I tend to want the perfect photo. The photo of my kids smiling or wearing cute outfits without stains, pant legs that aren't too short, shoes on the right feet. But it's not really an accurate portrayal of our days, which are rarely picture perfect.

mama mandolin home tour: living room

2013-04-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've been asked by a lot of friends and family over the past few months to give a home tour of our beautiful rental home. We really lucked out finding it, after searching for months for a home we really wanted to stay in. I know it's just a rental, but we're really tired of moving. Being married to a web designer, he craves places that are inspiring and aesthetically pleasing. Me? I can make even the cheapest dump feel homey. (And I have!) We have found a good balance, I think.

I've been waiting and waiting to do this "home tour" until everything felt done. But the truth is, we're both creatures of change...nothing is ever done! We're only happy with something for a few months and then want to try out a new look, move something here, hang something there.

So I give you- our living room. Please note, it's not always picture perfect. (Most people's homes are not.) But I'm not giving you a home tour in a messy home :)

chairs: Funky Furniture // end table: Target // shelves: ikea

The main living are in our home is mostly windows and fills the rooms with nature and light. In the back left corner, you see the front door. Out the windows on the right is the back yard. Behind this gray wall is the kitchen. We keep a mixture of the boys' toys (in the basket) and books on the shelves.

pillow & clock: Target // globe light: Ikea // art: Jolby

table: etsy // sofa: funky furniture // pillows: Hammer and Fox // rug: ikea // afghan: etsy // storage ottoman: i have no idea

tv stand: funky furniture // faux deer taxidermy: etsy // shelves: ikea // owl lamp: west elm // arrows print: jolby // family drawing: the paper mama

We fell in love with the tv stand, which actually isn't a tv stand but a buffet/credenza of sorts. We knew we'd be able to use it for years to come, it's such a beautiful piece of furniture. It's also high enough to keep litte hands away from the tv, which was important. There's lots of storage for movies, gaming stuff for Chikezie, even some of the boys' toys.

To the right of the tv, my little succulent collection next to the window that gets the most sun.To the left, the boys' toy area. I've thrifted old suitcases over the past few years and we use them to hold toys/puzzles etc. We didn't want their toys to over take our home, i feel this little corner is a good compromise.

My favorite part of the living room. We were lucky to find such a unique home, full of windows and light. Although it's pretty cold in here in the winter, and I'm about to start sewing some temporary curtains for the windows for the summer. Thankfully, the bay area temperatures aren't too extreme and some curtains will hopefully keep the bright sun from heating our home up too much in the warm summer months.

Finding a style that suits both Chikezie and I was a little difficult. He has a great eye, and likes things to be symmetrical and match coherently. I have an eclectic, quirky style that peeks through with the owls, bright throw and pillows. It really was a struggle agreeing on some things but after years of living in small apartments, we were so happy to be able to actually pick out our first pieces of furniture for an actual home.

I hope you guys enjoyed this little tour! Let me know if you have any questions about anything you see, and hopefully in the next few weeks I'll be able to show you some more of our home :)

teaching them to talk: vol. 3

2013-03-29T09:46:00.001-07:00

I've talked a million times over the past couple of years about our struggles with the boys' speech delays. We've received so many hand outs, packets of information on tips we can use daily to encourage speech. I want to start sharing all this information with all of you because I know there are so many moms and dads out there going through what we went through- are they supposed to be talking yet? What should they be saying by now? Is it too early to seek help? Am I just being crazy? Well, I don't know if I can answer any of those questions for you but I'm going to pass on the information we've received and hope that some of it can help you, too.

This series will hopefully be a resource to not only those of you experiencing the struggles of speech delays with your children but also for all parents in general wanting to learn ways to help encourage expressive speech in your children.

Today's tips are about creating situations that almost force your child to communicate without you actually having to force them! By creating a tempting situation-by getting them engaged, you can often open up some very good communicative pathways. I found these tips extremely helpful!

Communicative Temptations

(from Wetherby and Prizant, 1989)

1. Eat a desired food item in front of the child without offering any to the child.

2. Activate a wind-up toy, let it deactivate, and hand it to the child.

3. Give the child four blocks to drop in a box, one at a time (or use some other action that the child will repeat, such as stacking the blocks or dropping the blocks on the floor); then immediately give the chid a small animal figure to drop in the box.

4. Look through a few books (or a magazine) with the child.

5. Open a container of bubbles, blow bubbles, then close the container tightly and give the closed container back to the child.

6. Initiate a familiar and and an unfamiliar social game with the child until the child expresses pleasure; then stop the game and wait.

7. Blow up a balloon and slowly deflate it; then hand the deflated balloon to the child or hold the deflated balloon up to your mouth and wait.

8. Hold a food item or toy that the child dislikes out near the child and offer it.

9. Place a desired food item or toy in a clear container that the child cannot open. Then place the container in front of them and wait.

10. Place the child's hands in a cold, wet, or sticky substance such as Jell-O, pudding or paste.

11. Roll a ball to the child, after the child returns the ball 3 times, immediately roll a different toy to the child.

12. Engage the child in putting together a puzzle. After the child has put in three pieces, offer the child a piece that does not fit.

13. Engage the child in an activity with a substance that can be easily spilled (or dropped, broken, torn, etc.); suddenly spill some of the substance on the table or floor in front of the child and wait.

14. Put an object that makes noised in an opaque container and shake, hold it up and wait.

15. Give the child materials for an activity of interest that necessitates use of an instrument for completion (e.g.; a piece of paper to dra on or cut, a bowl of pudding or soups); hold the instrument out of the child's reach and wait.

16. Wave and say "bye-bye" to an object upon removing it from a play area. Repeat this for a second and third situation, and do nothing when removing an object from a fourth situation.

17. Hide a stuffed animal under the table. Knock, and then bring out the animal. Have the animal greet the child the first time. Repeat for a second and third time, do nothing when bringing the animal out the fourth time.

***

I hope these can help you create some situations that encourage your little ones to be vocal! If you have any questions please let me know. I'm not an expert but I'll do my best to help.

stranger needing help or a dangerous scam?

2013-03-27T14:48:00.003-07:00

I posted this earlier on Instagram but wanted to talk a little more about it.

Here's what happened today: I answered the door to a young teen girl asking to come in because a guy was following her. I told her I couldn't help her, that I can't let strangers in my home.. and sent her on her way. Minutes later I felt guilty and called 911 alerting them of the situation.

I'm new to this "living in a house" business. We've been living in gated apartments in pretty safe areas before this house. We now live in a pretty safe neighborhood, or what I'd consider safe. We're by a school, there are lots of families and retired people near us. The city is pretty boring and safe.

In the 6 months we've lived here we've had a handful of sketchy looking people trying to sell something or other. After the last time I told myself to stop answering the door at all. It's not safe, especially when I'm home alone with the boys. Today when the doorbell rang the first time, I didn't answer. The boys stood at the house door (our windows were open) yelling, "Daddy! Daddy!". They get so excited for people to come to the door.

I tried to hush them and take them into another room until whoever it was left. Our house has no front facing windows, I have no way of seeing who is outside besides the peep hole (which, let's face it, are pretty much pointless). We waited a few minutes and the doorbell rang again. I don't know WHY I went to the door. I'm going over this in my head over and over. I should have never answered the door to begin with.

I don't feel bad about how I helped the girl who may or may not have been in trouble. I feel bad mostly for answering the door in the first place. I keep thinking over the situation and how it seemed suspicious now that I look back. Why didn't she just call 911 herself? Why wasn't she in school? We're the 4th house on the street, why our house? She did look nervous. What if it was a set up? What if she was a decoy, trying to scope out the house? What if someone was waiting who had a gun? What if someone is going to come back later to hurt/rob us?

I didn't want that girl anywhere near my house, even if someone was following her. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want that here. I called 911, I did my duty. But I don't want that here, not at my house, not where I'm with my babies. I didn't want to get any information from her, I didn't want her to wait anywhere, I just wanted her to go away. It feels so mean to say (if she really was in trouble) but that's how I felt. I wanted to protect us, and should have started with not even answering the door.

My mind is racing. I'm sure I'll kick myself for a while about this. I come from a small town, from a safe home. People leave their doors and cars unlocked. Now I'm a mama bear, and need to protect my babies and home in a very big city/area. Sometimes I need to turn off my trusting instinct. The thing is, if Chikezie was home, I probably would have answered the door. Actually, I have answered the door when he's home.

I don't know. This whole situation just has me kind of shaken up.

Have you faced a similar situation? How would you have handled it?

who do we think we are? my thoughts on marriage equality

2013-03-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not afraid to post about my feelings on marriage equality. I don't have much to say on it but I'm not afraid to say it. Not many years ago, people, our grandparents/ generation, were making some of the exact arguments against interracial marriage as so many are making against marriage equality today.

They said it was a "slippery slope", that what would stop us from allowing polygamy? What about minimum age requirements for marriage? Or incestuous marriage? Allowing people of color to marry whites was a slippery slope, for sure to lead to the corruption of society as a whole. It was just plain dangerous.

They said, "think about the children!" They said the children of interracial marriages would be called victims, be made fun of. They said these children would be robbed of something they deserved, and needed. The children of interracial marriages would never fair as well as those in white only households.

They argued that interracial marriage was against God's will. That it was just somehow, unnatural. Miscegenation was immoral.

I can't imagine not being able to marry the person I loved. The person I wanted to have a family with, to wander this life with. I can't imagine someone telling me it was immoral and unnatural. That my children's lives would be troubled. I mean, I know a lof of you out on the other side of this screen are married, have children. Really think about the happiest day of your life, the meaning behind it. You didn't even have to think twice about who you'd want to marry once you found them, you planned your wedding day, got your official marriage license, maybe went on a honeymoon. You are bound by love and law.

Even today, we've dealt with our fair share of judgement and opposition. (Not a fraction of what we would have dealt with then, thankfully.) It hurts my heart to think of other couples, wanting to have the freedom to marry who they choose, going through the thick of it right now...not 40 years after.

I want everyone to be able to marry who they want to spend forever with, for their union to be legally bound and recognized. I want those people to work through those first years of marriage that are so difficult and fun and full of so much growth. Who are we to say they can't? No, really. Who do we think we are?

some wandering thoughts on blogging, etc.

2013-03-26T10:28:00.001-07:00

I posted on Friday about taking photos of yourself and since then I have a few more thoughts on the subject.

The standards we live by in this society are so ambiguous and double sided. Showing the world a photo you took of yourself is automatically received as vain. I can agree, there is some part of posting a nice photo of yourself that enjoys the compliments you receive. What human doesn't appreciate a compliment? But if those photos were taken by someone else, or with someone else in the photo? Not a second thought. Even if you crop out the other person, the reaction is totally different. What if you post self photos of yourself making silly faces or dressed funny or on a vacation? Again, not even a second thought.

I think it's a little more commonplace in the blogging world to have self portraits. Over time, we've all gotten more comfortable with it, we see it more often. But what about everyone else? How do they feel about it? Some of my friends and family think blogging is a joke. That it's a strange or funny hobby. I can understand how people would feel the same about self photography.

Maybe it's when you act like you CARE about what you look like, you're considered vain. You know, when you're being honest. When you upload a flattering photo you took of yourself, it's totally vain, right? Because it's not like every single human on earth cares what they look like and wants to look their best, right? No? Oh we all care. I forgot. But if we act like we care, if we're honest about it, we're vain, strange, selfish, into ourselves. That makes sense.

I take photos of myself because nobody else does. I'm important, this time in my life is important. How I see it, how I see myself right now are all important. I take photos of myself, whether with a nice camera or with my iphone because I like to. I like to go back and look at myself a year ago. Who was that girl? Look where she's come. I share them with you all because I want to. I want to encourage others to not be so critical of themselves. I want you to not take life so seriously.

Also? I'm a bit of a loner these days. I have only a couple of real-life friends within visiting distance that I can actually see. The rest of them are all over the country. So if friends can't see the real-life me, they can at least see the internet me....and feel a little bit less like we haven't seen each other in years. I wish all my friends had blogs and took photos of their lives, themselves.

This blog has been my sanity over the last 3 years. I've made some amazing lifelong friends, which is kind of the beauty of this blog. It attracts those who are like me, who can relate. And with some of those people blossom some amazing real-life bonds. Does everyone get it? No. Do they have to? Not really. I guess it's not really in my concern those who judge (and shouldn't really be of anyone's concern.) If we're honest, the best people shine through in our lives and the rest is all just background blur.

you should probably have some photos of yourself.

2013-03-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm really not a huge fan of self photography. I know fashion bloggers do it all the time and I'm sure a lot of them have gotten comfortable being in front of the camera. I'm not big on it. BUT I'd rather feel awkward and dorky in the comfort of my own home, no photographer but me. I can change outfits, locations in my house, take 300 photos and not feel bad only choosing 10.

Why is it important to have photos of yourself? Well, I have a few reasons for myself, personally.

1) I'm always behind the camera. I have so many photos of the boys, of Chikezie and the boys. There aren't many (iphone excluded) of me or me and the boys. I'm only going to be young once. And when I'm old, I want to look back at myself. I want photos the boys can look back at and see their mom so young. I love seeing photos of my parents when they were young. I'm not out with friends like I used to be, where we'd take tons of photos of each other, I have a good record of those years. I want a record of now. When I'm a new mom. When I'm in my late 20's. When I'm a wrinkle free, short hair, glasses wearing wife.

2) Having a blog and an online presence, its handy to have an up to date photo of yourself. For me, especially since I've cut all my hair off. It's just nice to have.

3) Because even if you don't feel so great about how you look or don't have much confidence, you're going to want a picture to remember yourself at each stage of your life. Yeah, I'd like to drop a few pounds (those pesky things have been hanging on for 3 years now!) but I'd like to look back and feel comfortable with myself at all the stages I went through. This is what life is all about, the cycles and changes we go through as we grow. Ignoring them, trying to forget them...it's just shorting yourself in the long run.

4) You know what? Sometimes it's just nice to feel pretty. To photoshop the hell out of some photos of yourself and too look at them and think, "She's pretty." It's not selfish. It's not self centered or bad to want to look pretty and have visual proof. It's human. And I think it's especially necessary as your body goes through all the changes of motherhood.

I'm challenging each and every one of you to take more photos of yourself. Especially you moms out there who get stuck taking millions of photos of your kids and husband. You're important, too. Even if you have to step outside of your comfort zone and take photos of yourself in your living room while your kids nap...just do it. Have fun. Be silly. Find what angles you think you look best at and then just shoot the hell out of them. Time will keep going and you'll wish you had a record of yourself through it all.

teaching them to talk: vol. 2

2013-03-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

1. Use repetition generously as they are learning the meaning of words. For example when you give the child a cup, say "Cup...Sarah's cup". While they are holding or drinking from the cup, you could then say, "Drinking from cup!". When they're finished, you can ask them to "Give me cup."

2. Keep your words, phrases, and sentences fairly simple to promote turn-taking during communication. Use the words the child would probably use in the situation at hand and add a little extra. For example, if they hand you an empty cup, you could say, "All gone...you finished drink.". Then give the child a chance to respond in any way, with a sound, gesture or expression.

3. Don't expect your child to say words correctly. Most children don't articulate correctly at this stage. If they mispronounce a word, repeat it back to them correctly in a short phrase. For example, if they say "ha" for "hot", you could say, "Yes, that water is hot.". Don't imitate the mispronunciation. They need to hear correct models of words in order to learn to say them correctly.

4. Say the word that they're trying to communicate when they gesture. For example, when they point to the car that's out of reach, say, "Car?" as you hold the care up near your face so they see your lips move at the same time they see the object. Pause for 5 or more seconds to give them a chance to respond with a sound or another gesture, then give them the car as you repeat the word in a short sentence, "You want car."

5. Avoid continually asking, "What's this?" and "What's that?", even when you've heard them say the word before. Your child needs los of experience and practice saying his/her sounds and words spontaneously before they can respond to questions with words. When you ask questions, pause for a moment and then answer your own question, e.g., "What's that?...A dog...furry dog." And then give your child time to respond or react with their sounds or actions.

6. As they being to say words or word approximations, they may use single words to convey a complete sentence, e.g., "Ball" may mean, "I want the ball." "Look at the ball." "I have a ball." or "Let's play ball." Try to interpret what the "sentence" is and repeat back to your child in a sentence, e.g., "Ball. You want ball."

img source

bow ties...and a discount!

2013-03-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

It was a little bit cloudy yesterday and I wanted to get some photos of the boys in a couple of my new bow ties while the sun was hiding. Well, there's been a new development since the last time I put bow ties on them. They learned to say no.

I bribed them with popcorn and mini cookies. I let them pick out a tie, it worked for the most part. I just have to take what I can get these days. I got a few good shots of a couple of the new bow ties, and some old bow ties that didn't have a model.

AND I'm working on some bow ties to have to everyone by next week (just in time for Easter) If you order today or tomorrow you'll have it in time...and here's a little discount for all my readers: use the code MAMA20 for 20% off your purchase.

Mama Mandolin Etsy Shop

3 year old fight club.

2013-03-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

We've been going through a lot of changes in the E household lately. We've worked on potty training, we've started a new speech therapy and now we've entered a new stage of toddlerhood- 3 year old fight club. Up until this point, the boys have never been very physical with each other. They fight over toys but not fight each other. There's been chasing, pulling, tugging but no hitting and kicking.

Right now, it's not too physical. They're really testing this new thing they've learned they can do; use their body to somehow hurt or cause pain to someone else. Their fights usually include an instigator, with a half hearted hit/push/kick. The other brother may come back with his own hit or may just cry/feign pain because it hurt his feelings. Because I mean, how could my brother do that to me??

Julian, surprisingly, seems to be the instigator lately. (He's usually the one to avoid conflict...and he's ~~making me want to slam my head repeatedly on a hard surface~~ pushing my boundaries lately, too.) Yesterday he'd take Isaiah's car and hide it on purpose, just to watch Isaiah get completely pissed off. Sometimes he'll push his brother for no reason and watch what happens. I'm really seeing him test his boundaries with Isaiah.

I prefer to stand back and watch them work it out. One will end up leaving the other alone and they go back to their business. I think it's healthy for them to explore these boundaries and learn how to resolve this kind of conflict on their own. I know they're only 3, but they get it. They have their own way of making things right. I step in when it starts getting out of control or someone is really mad/looks like he really wants to hulk out.

After every major conflict I also talk to them about how we love our brother, not hurt him. I demonstrate a "nice" touch by rubbing an arm or a back. I make them hug it out. I know they're going to fight each other, I think that's just something brothers do when they're this age. I'm hoping by modeling some good behavior, and letting them work it out, we can get through this stage without any major lifelong trauma.

What about you seasoned mamas? How did you handle it when your kids started hitting either you or each other?

Winner Winner!

2013-03-19T14:48:00.005-07:00

Winner Winner! ONE lucky lady gets all 8 of these prizes.....

SARAH CAIN

Congrats Sarah! I'll be contacting you with details!

Thanks to everyone for entering the boys' 3rd birthday giveaway- and thank you to all the amazing sponsors!

teaching them to talk: vol. 1

2013-03-14T22:26:00.003-07:00

This new series will hopefully be a resource to not only those of you experiencing the struggles of speech delays with your children but also for all parents in general wanting to learn ways to help encourage expressive speech in your children.

This list of tips came on a hand out we got when we got the boys tested to see if they would qualify for therapy. All of these are very basic, yet extremely effective tips.

--> Hold items/toys next to your mouth. The child will see your lips move. This also works on eye contact, joint attention, articulation and expressive/receptive language.

--> Pause for responses or initiation of communication (at least 5 seconds)...it's ok to have silence. This when sounds, words and gestures will occur.

--> Slow down your speech. This allows a child to process what you're saying. Let them know there is plenty of time.

--> Sing songs often! It makes a significant difference and provides MANY speech and language opportunities, make up songs, be silly!

--> Give 2 choices of things to play with/eat/drink, etc. Name what child chooses.

--> Use action and movement. Take breaks often. Adults need breaks. Children need breaks even more. Examples: swinging, bouncing, jumping, stomping, clapping, etc.

--> Describe what the child is looking at. Watch the child's eye gaze and comment on what the child is looking at.

--> Use phrases that are 1-2 more words than the child is producing. If a child only has 1 word utterances, use 2-3 word phrases when you talk to them. Example: Tommy has bear. Bear. Bear is jumping. Hi bear.

--> Add 1-2 words to what the child says. If the child says, "Kitty." You say, "Kitty says 'meow'. Soft kitty. Kitty jumps."

--> Draw the child's eye contact up. Put a toy close to the child's face (6 inches or so) and then pull it back. They will usually follow the toy with their eyes and give their attention.

--> Overemphasize consonant sounds and repeat the first sound of words. Example: Cat.../k-k-k/...Cat

--> Imitate the child's sounds and actions. Follow them, babble with them, and then produce a different action or sound/word to try to get them to imitate you.

-->Use signs and large gestures often.

Google Reader?! NOOOO!!!

2013-03-14T15:38:00.001-07:00

Ok you all heard the news. Google Reader is peacing out. As un-thrilled as I am about it...well, whatever.

They're ending it on July 1, so head on over to Bloglovin and follow us there. Should be good. Right?
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Oh, and this video on the subject is hilarious.

potty training twins - how I did it.

2013-03-12T22:46:00.005-07:00

We're about 1 week past our fist day potty training and I think we've got it down. Well, I think we got it down pretty quickly. I've decided to take it all slowly at first, getting the boys through each new stage together.

So far we have down day time peeing in the potty. Next on the list:

- Actually catching a #2 in the potty. It's been in their pull ups or we've caught an accident a little too late a couple of times.

- Learning to go on the actual toilet. They're both cool with flushing it, not with sitting on it. And to accomplish our next goal, we'll need to be able to go on the toilet.

- Being able to leave the house without a pull up. (They'll need to be able to go on the toilet for this!)

- Nap time without a pull up.

- Night time without a pull up.

When I write it all out, it really seems like we have a long ways to go but I think the hardest part is done. Here are some of the things I've done so far, some tips, some things I've learned.

Incentives:

* M&M for bribing. We started out as M&M's for potty every single time. Now, after a week, I only give them one if they remember to ask me. Sometimes I even bribe them to sit on the potty in general for an M&M. It works, so I use it.

* I had a sticker board for them to put a sticker up for each potty. It was just one added incentive we used the first 3 days, honestly they would have done fine without it. Sweets seemed to be their main motivation.

*Excessive cheering at every. single. pee. And then more cheering from Daddy when he got home and heard the good news.

Neither one of them really cared much about being a big boy so that route didn't work for us. They didn't get a reward after a certain number of stickers because they don't get the counting/banking of things concept.

Other tips:

* The only way to get Julian to pee at first was to have him stand - so I went with it. After a few days and being more comfortable, he started sitting on his own.

* Learn your kids' style. Not all kids need or want to be TOLD to pee every 10 minutes. Julian, after he got the hang of it, lets me know when he has to go. I still ask him, but he mostly goes when HE feels he needs to go. Isaiah is different, and if I forget to ask him and it's been too long he'll have an accident. So...test out some different systems with your kid if one doesn't seem to be working. Potty training definitely isn't one size fits all.

* Don't shame your kids after an accident. Just matter of factly tell them we'll make it to the potty next time. I always make them finish the sentence, "Where do we go pee pee? In the _____. " Just to help emphasize the point.

* Be slow to add pants back into the mix. We went sans undies on Day 1, undies only on Days 2 and 3 and now finally have added pants back into the mix. They can sometimes give the false sense of security, reverting them back to just going without thinking. When Isaiah has a couple of consecutive accidents I leave him in just undies to help him remember he has them on and not a diaper. After their entire lives of doing something one way, I expect it to take a little time doing it completely different.

Tips on potty training twins:

* If you're busy helping one with an accident/success/whatever remember to be mindful of the other. A lot of the accidents I had was when I was busy with one. I learned to have the other sitting on the potty before finishing with the first one.

* Positive peer pressure! The excessive cheering, the rewards...give those to one twin and the other always wants to be in on it, too.

* Teach them to celebrate each other's successes. The first time Isaiah made it to the potty, Julian (on his own) was standing right by him, yelling "Yaaaay!!". It was just super cute and I know had a special meaning for them.

I hope some of these tips help any of you potty training in the near future. Just remember a lot of potty training is just experimentation and finding what methods work best for you both!

Julian and Isaiah's 3rd Birthday Giveaway!!

2013-03-11T18:37:00.001-07:00

It's that time, folks! I try to do a big giveaway every year around the boys' birthday and this year I have some super crazy awesome prizes for you guys to help celebrate the boys' third birthday! ONE WINNER TAKES ALL. That's right. Almost $300 worth of handmade goodness is about to be in some lucky's life.

Here's the deets on what the winner will get:

1. A 12"x12" version of the Bramble Fox throw pillow from Hammer and Fox. 2. A $50 Etsy gift card 3. 3 AlphabetWoodland Prints by French Press Mornings 4. $20 shop credit to Yellow Bird, Yellow Beard 5. Poppy Hair Pin from Ordinary Mommy Design 6. hand stamped Anchor Tile Coasters by PaizleyPolkaDot 7. malachite feather earrings by GlassCast 8. coral chevron tote bag by Moxie B's Closet

Follow the directions below to enter...good luck, friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway