“I hope my child looks back on today
And remembers a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking,
But children grow up when you’re not looking.
Someday I’ll do all the chores you can mention
But today, my baby needs time and attention.
So settle down cobwebs; dust go to sleep,
I’m cuddling my baby, and babies don’t keep.”

Anon

Hands-up if you can remember the last time you put your feet up, had a cup of tea, read a magazine or basically just didn’t do anything other than indulge in some ‘you-time’ for say a couple of hours or when your little one has his or her nap-time? And if you did, did you find that you were sitting there enjoying it or were you feeling antsy and a bit guilty because there is always so much to do? Because that is what I felt like yesterday.

I was feeling really tired in the morning because his nibs had kept me up AGAIN with his snoring. It had been a busy weekend and I had been working for some of it including Friday night and I knew I was working last night too. So for once, I thought instead of trying to force myself ‘to think’ and ‘to do’ when I was actually cream crackered why not take some time off and give myself a rest. But it proved really difficult as I just felt so guilty at doing ‘nothing’.

I then asked myself why? As mothers, when do we ever get a day off, really? Yes, there’s the weekend but doing the cooking, or catching up on the housework and washing or ferrying the children to parties hardly constitutes a rest or a day off does it? No, this job, rewarding as it is, is relentless. What’s more it’s 24/7, 365 days a week and yes, okay, we do get lots of smiles, cuddles and joy but otherwise the pay is pretty rubbish.

What’s more, not only is it 24/7 (with the bonus of countless sleepless nights thrown in) but I think we’d all agree that parenthood is also the most important job in the world. There is a great book by Naomi Stadlen called “What Mothers Do… especially when it looks like nothing” (Piatkus, 2007, £7.99) and there is a passage in it that always resonates with me, which I’d like to share it with you:

“Mothers who are doing so much often describe themselves as sitting around doing nothing. They feel lonely, invisible and unimportant. Yet their work belongs to much more than one organisation. Each mother is preparing her child to belong to the society that we all share. It doesn’t seem to much to say that the whole of civilisation depends on the work of mothers.”

So on that note, I’m going to stop feeling guilty when I take some time out and I’m going to remind myself that I and all busy women and mothers are bloomin’ well WORTH IT! I really hope you’ll join me in that sentiment too!

Have a great week!

Love,

Justina

xxx

I was inspired to write this blog when I took a moment on Friday to take a mental snapshot of the three of us. We were enjoying an indoor picnic on our huge playmat, where baby JJ was quite rightly taking centre-stage. There we were, sipping on some well-deserved bubbly and nibbling on easy-to-munch assembled plate of goodies – I should add that the special occasion was a belated birthday get-together for Alana – bubbly doesn’t normally feature in the afternoon or on a regular play-date!!!! Meanwhile our daughters were dressing up, dancing, giggling and enjoying a Barbie film all at the same time!

As we sat there chatting and laughing about so many random topics including our children, us, the dads… and our children again, it occurred to me, not for the first time either that these women are my lifeline. Without them, I would not have been able to survive many of the ups and downs that life and indeed motherhood has dealt over the years.

What makes these friendships so very special, however, is that these women came into my life through motherhood. I met Helena when she came to a baby massage class with Ana Mary and we instantly clicked. We were lucky that despite a two year age-gap our daughters fell in love with each other too. I met Karina at a Baby Show where we both were exhibiting and she too has a daughter, Maya, who is now one of Alana’s closest friends.

Over the years, we forge many relationships in our lives, don’t we? Through work we often connect with colleagues in ways that extend beyond the office environment. Perhaps we also keep in touch with friends we met at school or as children. But when we become mothers, that’s when we find friendships take on another special depth and dynamic. After all, how many of our ex-colleagues really want to hear about the texture and colour of the contents of our baby’s nappies? Or how many women are we actually prepared to expose our  ‘take me as you find me’ dishevelled, sleep-deprived selves to? And how many of those friends genuinely get that today is a rubbish day for no other reason than it just is?

No, my ‘mummy-friends’ are special. They are the ones that I know I can call up when I need an emergency baby-sitter (impromptu sleepovers and pyjamas provided too). They are the ones who don’t think I’m stupid when I ring up crying because I haven’t slept in three days because one of the kids has been that ill (his nibs on the other hand will sleep soundly through it all). They are also the ones who gently and often without words remind me to keep things in perspective because they have been through it too. And they do it in a way that makes me realise that no matter what, I am always loved, cherished and safe when they are around.

So now, without mentioning any names, I would like to thank all of my dear ‘mummy’ friends for sharing in the ups and downs, laughter and tears, sadness and joy that our journeys together have brought us. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly blessed to have you in my life and I love you all.

Have a joyful Monday and despite the grey sky outside may it be radiating with love and sunshine in your and your children’s hearts.

Justina

xxx

What I thought I’d focus on today is massage and how it can benefit us in pregnancy and help alleviate back-ache and other typical aches and pains. What’s more, I have created some simple techniques that a partner can very simply slot in EVERY DAY (did you hear that Daddies-to-be? EVERY DAY!). So get ready to sit back and enjoy!

Massage can soothe a number of common pregnancy ailments including relieving lower backache, releasing tired muscles in the neck and shoulders, soothing swollen ankles and generally alleviating stress – plus it’s great for keeping stretch marks at bay.

Whilst it’s perfectly safe to have a massage from the ^2nd trimester on, you do need to be aware of your position during the massage. You should avoid lying on your stomach so the easiest way for your partner to massage you is if you sit ‘back-to-front’ on a chair ie. sit with your legs apart on the seat, with your tummy facing the back of the chair.

You can then gently lean forwards and your partner will be able to massage the whole of your back and the back of the calves safely. You can also lean against a pillow to give your tummy and chest a bit of support.

For the massage, you are best off just wearing knickers (not your best as they may get oil on them!). In terms of massage oil, a natural carrier oil such as sweet almond oil is ideal and avoid any essential oils unless the oil has been expertly blended for pregnancy.

Here are some simple massage techniques that will soothe a variety of aches and pains.

Neck & shoulder massage

• Sit on the chair and make sure you are comfortable.
• Your partner should stand behind you. Ask him to apply some massage oil and rub them into his palms. He should then place his hands at the centre of your upper back and now sweep his hands up and around your shoulders, bringing the hands back to centre. Repeat three to four times. Advise him on what pressure is good for you.
• Next ask him to use his thumbs to make small gentle circular movements up the neck, massaging all the way up to the base of the skull. Repeat this three to four times to release any tension in the neck.

Relieving lower backache

One of the most common complaints during pregnancy is lower backache and daily massage can really alleviate this. Ask your partner to place the heels of both his palms on your sacrum which is the flat area located between the hips at the base of the spine.

Next he should apply some gentle pressure and sweep both palms out to the side. Repeat three to four times. Again, advise him on what pressure is good for you.

Still using the heels of his palms, your partner can also make circular movements all over the lower back which will further help relieve tension in the area.

Swollen ankles and tired feet

Swollen ankles are very common in pregnancy. A simple way to relieve this is to get your partner to massage your calves at the end of the day. This can be done by using both of his thumbs to massage up the back of each calf. Repeat this for a few minutes on each leg. As your baby grows and you carry more weight, getting your partner to massage the soles of your feet will also soothe achiness at the end of the day.

The ‘Bump’ Massage

This is a beautiful tummy massage that you and your partner can do together, which will help you both connect and bond with your baby. It is also great for moisturising the skin and preventing stretchmarks.

The massage is best performed with your partner sitting behind you, with you leaning against him. You can both sit on the floor or on the bed propped up against some cushions.

Get your partner to apply some massage oil and to place his hands at the centre of your belly. Place your palms on top of his and now both of you together, sweep your hands over the ‘bump’ making a lovely heart shape. With every heart shape, try and visualise and ‘feel’ your beautiful baby growing inside the tummy. Repeat five to seven times, breathing slowly and deeply with each stroke. This is a beautiful way for Daddy to bond with his baby!

We hope these massage techniques will help you have a more relaxing pregnancy. Just a few minutes of massage day will make a big difference! If you’re tempted to really treat yourself then head over to the shop and indulge in some of our Tummy Love Oil – fab for keeping stretchmarks at bay!

My darling girl, I can scarcely believe that the years have passed by so quickly. As I look into the eyes of the beautiful, confident young woman you have become, the memory of the day you were born still burns so brightly, that I only need to close my eyes to be transported back to the day it all began.

I was standing in the bathroom after dinner and suddenly felt my waters break. There had been no twinges and so I was thoroughly confused by what this rush of liquid was. It was only your grandmother who clarified to me that yes, it was time. You were finally on your way.

Your dad and I went into overdrive ensuring that the bags were packed and as we drove to the hospital, I remember feeling excited and yet very relaxed. Not intentionally so, it was just that my whole attitude towards my pregnancy and birth had been very  ‘laissez-faire’ – along the lines of “women do this all the time, what’s the big deal?”

That soon changed once we arrived at the hospital at 11pm and found out that there were no beds available!  We were shunted to the GP unit, which is where second-time mothers went and I was firmly told that it would be a while anyway as this was my first baby. Yeah, right! Within two hours I was in full labour but no midwife was to be seen as they were all busy.

At long last, the midwife arrived at 8am. She was practically whistling and I remember wanting to smack her for being so jovial while I had a job to do. She checked me over and was gob-smacked because I was 8cm dilated and you were so close to being born. Things got a bit scary then because for some reason, unknown to anyone, my contractions stopped and you were getting distressed. They transferred me to the proper labour ward where you were finally born.

I remember them placing you in my arms and being overwhelmed by the fact that you were a girl. I know it sounds crazy but throughout my pregnancy I and everyone who looked at me, thought it would be a boy and I remember thinking: “Good, at least I’ll be unconditionally adored!” But there you were, a girl, and I remember thinking: “Oh s***!… I’m going to have to be a role model.”

I wish I could say the rest was easy but it wasn’t. You have always been a feisty thing and this began from the moment you were born. In the hospital, you refused the breast and after three days of not feeding and the medics threatening to put you into ICU, I finally succumbed to giving you the bottle. I expressed for as long as I could and tortured myself that I was a rubbish mother and that you were rejecting me. I also suffered mild postnatal depression and there were many moments when I doubted whether I was any good at all at this job of being a mother.

But despite the difficulties and the rollercoaster that was my experience of early motherhood, there is one thing that shone brightly and that remains today. LOVE.

You have given me an opportunity to love and to feel with an intensity that I cannot describe. You make me feel like I can move mountains if I have to and without you, my darling, there is no doubt that I would not be doing the work that I am doing today.

But most of all, with every challenge that I have faced and still face as a parent, you make me want to become the very best person that I can be and for this I thank you today and every day.

Happy Birthday, my darling. I love you with all my heart.

Mummy xxx

My approach to the new year is a little, well, unorthodox, shall we say? I started my new year’s resolutions back in November because that’s when I was thinking about them. And I thought that life was too short to waste, so I got on with them there and then. I think it’s nuts that people decide to invest in themselves when the weather is awful, they’ve had an excess of most things – drink, family, presents, spending of money – you name it, it happens over Christmas and the holiday dates around it. And it’s dark for most of the day. It’s not exactly motivating is it?

I started doing the popular “couch to 5K” programme in November 2011, via an app on my phone. It’s a walking / jogging programme, to get you to jogging within 10 weeks. I’ll let you know how I do later in the year because at first it was going well. But then I got out of the habit with all the holiday things happening, so I need to get back to it. But what it did give me over Christmas, was the knowledge that there was something I’d tried and tested and would be going back to. In my mind, that’s good news, isn’t it?

Sometimes, it’s ok to go back to basics or to things that you’ve done before – whether they’ve worked for you or not. And for me, this applies to work, home, family and relationships – even your relationship with yourself. If it worked for you, then it’s something you’ll be able to re use easily and make success from – whether it’s cleaning the washing machine out regularly if you set a reminder on your phone (I’m not the only one who does this, surely?) or setting dates for seeing friends or even your partner, because otherwise you’re reduced to crammed in conversations before a baby cries, is sick or toddlers are beating each other up.

And if it didn’t work last time, you can go back to something – an approach, a process, an exercise DVD with clarity – knowing what it was that made it not work for you and doing things differently.

Choice is a great thing, but sometimes, there’s so much of it, that it’s baffling. So why not give yourself a break from New Year Resolutions and do something different? Something that works for you, your diary/phone reminders and your family? What could you do that’s different, that you’d not normally think of doing?

I was blessed with two amazing pregnancies. I looked and felt incredible throughout and really epitomised that ‘blooming’ that everyone talks about. But what I really treasured about my pregnancies was this indescribable shift in my whole being. How suddenly everything else that seemed so important beforehand just paled into insignificance. I remember sitting in key business meetings with senior executives thinking what a load of rubbish they were talking about. What did money, deadlines or targets really mean when here I was getting on with the creation of a new human being. The most miraculous and natural thing I was ever going to accomplish in my life.

I think we forget that sometimes when we are pregnant. We fill ourselves up with so many questions and worries even. Is the baby okay? Is it a girl or a boy? What will the birth be like? In my case I remember torturing myself that I had probably caused irreparable damage to my unborn child because I had quite merrily been knocking back glasses in wine in the early weeks because I didn’t know that I was pregnant!

We somehow forget that this is the most natural process in the world and that NATURE is in charge.  After all, do we ever question how the seasons change or how the moon waxes or wanes, or why the tide ebbs and flows or how daffodils appear in spring-time or how little lambs are born? It really is the same with having our babies. We really don’t need to do that much, other than trust in the miracle that is taking place inside of us. There is this amazing and perfect process in place that has all been taken care of. We don’t need to DO anything.

So if you are blessed to be with child, ENJOY every moment. Recognise that this is a sacred time in your life and know that you are in the best possible hands. Trust in Mother Nature and believe that she will make sure that all is well.

And on a final note, LOVE and BLESSINGS to you and your loved ones for 2012 and beyond!

My 7-week old has got terrible cradle cap.  It looks awful and I’m worried it might hurt her.  I’ve used specialist shampoo, almond oil and olive oil, but nothing seems to work.

Cradle cap (sometimes called infantile seborrhoeic dermatitis) is a greasy scaly rash usually confined to the scalp of a baby. It is thought to be caused by an over activity of the sebaceous glands due to increased circulating hormones from the mother or overuse of harsh skincare products in the early weeks of life. This condition can be treated with an application of vegetable oil (which should be left overnight) followed by gentle combing of the loosened skin flakes. Strong shampoos aimed at the treatment of cradle cap should be avoided. These products may contain harsh detergents that could aggravate the condition further.

It is not necessary to wash baby’s hair with shampoo until they are a year old. Once you have introduced baby bath products, simply rinse your baby’s hair in the bath water. Make sure any shampoo your use is free from sulphates (SLS and SLES) parabens, phthalates, artificial colours and perfumes.

Sharon Trotter©2011

For more information go to: www.tipslimited.com

The Samaritans is not solely for people who feel suicidal. It’s for anyone who feels lonely, alone or is worried.
http://www.samaritans.org/
UK: 08457 90 90 90 and Republic of Ireland 1850 60 90 90

Women’s Aid is for any woman, whether a mother or not, struggling with a relationship or in need of support generally. Domestic abuse isn’t just physical – it can be emotional too.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
0808 2000 247

If you are worried about any elderly person in your community, or  a member of your family, Age UK is the name for Age Concern and Help the Aged, who have combined forces to become a significant resource for the elderly in the UK.
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/
0800 169 6565

Cry-Sis provides hints, tips, facts from parents and professionals to help calm your baby. Lines are open 7 days a week from 9am -10pm
www.cry-sis.org.uk
08451 228 669

NHS Choices is full of information, support and resources…
http://www.nhs.uk/Pages/HomePage.aspx

NHS direct
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/
0845 4647

Do you need to talk to someone? Childline is available to children, adults and carers
http://www.nspcc.org.uk
Call ChildLine on 0800 1111 or visit us online.

Gingerbread is a UK charity providing expert advice, practical support and information for single parents.
http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/
0808 802 0925

I don’t think I’ve got it sorted by any stretch of the imagination but, with nearly 5 years experience of this under my belt, here are some of my suggestions for making the Christmas period as easy on yourself and your family as possible.

• If you have a baby with a routine, take the buggy or sling with you whenever you step out of the house. That way, whatever is happening, you literally walk away from the mayhem, noise and excitement, to help them get the sleep they will desperately need to cope with everything that’s going on.
• Following the suggestion above, the baby or toddler needing a sleep, is the best way I know to avoid everyone and get some peace and quiet when you need it. Alternatively, Christmas and family, no matter how much you love them, can be overwhelming, so it’s a great way to go out or send the aunty / mum / mother in law out of the way, if that makes it easier for you to get food prepared!
• Take food with you whenever you leave the house. Food for yourself, and the baby or toddler to avoid a meltdown if you arrive somewhere to find that lunch or dinner is behind schedule due to “social drinking”….
• Pack all the presents into bags, labeled for each day when you are going visiting, or having visitors to your house. That way, you have more of a chance of knowing what’s where, when people arrive…
• When you make mashed potato, roast potatoes, or veg, make extra. Why? So that when people fancy a snack later they can microwave left overs. Or, you can make bubble and squeak as a treat with ketchup. Make life easier for yourself whenever you can!!
• We even go so far as to order our mashed potato from the supermarket, to save ourselves a job and lots of washing up, and using the milk and butter, or panicking if it gets used up before we need it.
• If you have a baby or toddler who you are still feeding, no matter how happy you are feeding out and about, they are the perfect weapon in your armoury, because you can take them off for a quiet feed, when you need some peace and quiet. Whether you are breast or bottle feeding, it’s good to give everyone some down time, and feeds are the perfect opportunity to get ten minutes of solace, and time to cuddle up….

What are your top tips for coping at Christmas?