Mama Gets Moving

More than Mama

2013-08-09T09:41:00.000-04:00

For quite some time I've been struggling with a type of identity crisis. Or I guess it's just taken me a while to figure a few things out. Does that ever happen to you? When I started this blog, I was, saw myself, and assumed that everyone else around me thought of me as "Mom/Mama/Mommy/my-older-friend-that's-a-mom-and-can't-go-out-with-us/my-younger-friend-who-can't-do anything-else-because-her-kids-are-still-little, etc. My son was about to turn one, I'd spent seven months at home with him before returning to work, my body was... let's just say it was less than acceptable to me - out of shape, out of breath, and chronically exhausted.

During this phase of personal commitment - time for me, positive thoughts, physical exercise, I have once again felt like and become "More than Mama". Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and wouldn't give it up for anything. I just love being other things too. I love being a friend and the new friendships that I have made. I love having new hobbies and goals for myself and feeling so good when I succeed. After 10 years of total focus on the kids, it's been really good and healthy for me to bump myself up the priority list. I still go to cheerleading, school events, playgrounds, libraries and all that other stuff that provides my children with activities for their developmental needs (stimulation, physical exercise, social interaction, confidence, love, and everything else we strive to get into them), but I'm not only going to those places, and I'm not restricted in my conversation to talk about them.

For a year or so I've wrestled with thinking about myself as "Mama Gets Moving" and wondered if I was finished with it. Have I met my goal of adding exercise to my life? Yes. Do I like feeling limited to being a Mama? Not any more. Do I change the name and continue writing, meeting people, and setting goals? Thinking about it. While I don't post that often anymore (attributable to a busy 3 year old rather than a sleep scheduled and slower paced infant/toddler), I do write in my head all the time. Is that journaling? Ghost blogging? Escapism? Who knows. What I do know is that it helps me think things through, and that I love the connections I have made through sharing my ups, downs, goals, and crazy health adventures. Maybe I'm on to the sequel - Mama Got Moving and Found Herself Again.

It wouldn't have been possible without all of you. During my recovery from hip surgery, I have been so lucky to have all of the private messages, comments of encouragement, and offers for running partners. You are the best. My next post, which will come very soon I promise, will be about the new goal for the Richmond Marathon in November and my plan to get there.

Scope Light Review

2013-06-07T18:26:00.000-04:00

I am so happy to report that my hip surgery for the labrum tear was this morning, and it went really well! I was so touched by all of the good thoughts, messages, and offers for help that came my way.

We got to the surgical center, and I made Justin take my picture. He heckled me for it but did it anyway.

I was really fancy waiting for the surgery. There was more waiting than there was surgery time, so he was recruited for another photo. Without taking a book with me, FB was my primary entertainment, which, at 9:30 in the morning when most of my friends are at work, isn't very time consuming.

The tear wasn't actually as big as the MRI led us to believe and instead included a lot of smaller tears and a lot of inflamed and scarred tissue. Dr. Parker sorted it all out and sent me on my way. If you ever need an orthopedist for this kind of thing, I recommend you check him out. He is a nice guy, super smart, excellent rapport with patients, and conservative in his treatment plan.

My only wince was when he talked about "people our age" and then said he was 40. For anybody else out there who is 40, I really see it as a young number these days. For other people. You know, YOU guys. Internally my reaction was, "Whoa hoa... slow down buddy. I'm 36."

Now we're home. I am plugged in to a new cooler/ice pack thing, walking around (probably too much and more than I should, but I'm working on that... the crutches are just silly when they seem to be more difficult than just walking myself), and feeling really good. I'll be careful not to over do anything. Or at least I will try not to. I've already been thinking about crunches and planks today. :-)

The Scope

2013-05-23T20:10:00.000-04:00

Today was my appointment with The Scope Guy, and he was great! Dr. Parker laid it all out right from the beginning. He used the words, "big tear" and "no, really, really BIG" to explain that while I was sort of hoping for a scoffable, teeny tiny little tear, what I have is a big one. Not enormous. At least, I don't think so. He didn't say that. Basically tears average 1 cm, and mine is about 3. I didn't ask what the upper end of that range could be.

Aside from having the tear, and subsequent cyst on the bone caused by the tear, all of my bone measurements were on the cusp of normal (how fitting), so I'm good to go for scope light. (Fix the tear, remove any junk, start therapy and look at 6-8 weeks to be back on track. This compares to the scary scope that would involve removing some bone so that it wouldn't happen again. THAT sounds horrible and is more like 8 months. Eyuck.) I told him about the marathon in November, and he thought everything would be totally doable.

I left the appointment happy and hopeful. I called my husband to explain, and then I called Dr. Parker's scheduler. I'm booked for June 7th.

On a separate note, the planking is great. I love that so many friends are doing it. My original thought was to hit 30 days of the regular plank and then start mixing it up with other plank styles. The surgery is going to mess that up a bit, but I don't know how much. Regardless, I'm looking for suggestions! What is your favorite plank?

GOTR 5K - Ultimate DJ Fail

2013-05-20T18:26:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my daughter's last GOTR 5k. She ran with her Godmother, and we drove another friend and her teenage buddy runner, making it five in my car. It seems like I can't look anywhere these days without seeing GOTR spirit, shout outs, etc. I check FB and many of my friends are involved or their daughters participate. I check my FB page and the page news feed, and the whole world of triathlon and running bleeds GOTR. I check Twitter (which I only recently started using for work and still don't really get other than I have immediate access to tons of school counseling news), and you'd think GOTR was running for election. It's everywhere. GOTR goodness! We love GOTR! Can't wait to do it again! Go (insert local GOTR chapter here)!

Most of my GOTR experiences have been tremendously positive. My daughter has just finished her fifth season, and I've coached three. I love the progression of the lessons - self (personal values, value, respect, nutrition, etc.), direct relationships (qualities of a good friend, peer pressure, bullying, etc.), and community (the impact that a respected and respectful girl can have on her broader community). Love it - all of that. It's school counselor-y stuff, I get into it, and I believe in it.

A few of my GOTR experiences have been frustrating - like the race in Dec. '11 when 11 of my 20 girls made it to the start line due to the horrible traffic back up, and I saw my runners as well as friends from my neighborhood ditch their cars, jump ropes, and hop into the race mid-way just to participate. Like the fact that when I started coaching each girl had an allowance of $20 that the coach could spend for reimbursement for their healthy snacks, and recently that number has been cut in half. Who can buy 20 healthy snacks (one for each practice) for $10? The answer is, that most of the coaches I know now dish out pre-packaged, preservative filled bars of some sort, or even goldfish. Everyone has their own definition of healthy, but I just don't see that lining up with modeling healthy snack choices for girls aged 8-12. Or like the fact that the cost of the program hasn't diminished, yet less money seems to be spent on the girls, and the majority of parents that I have spoken to have assumed that the coaches get paid.

And then a couple of my GOTR experiences have made me want to distance myself from GOTR, which is sad, or at least I feel a bit sad about it. Yesterday I had a few. The first was leaving my house at 5:45 for an 8:30 race, picking up my passengers, and hitting a complete stop at 6:20 at the exit off the highway. I had anticipated the stop given how GOTR races can go (unless they are at our local university, they seem to be a gigantic driving/parking cluster) and assumed that we would spend an hour in the car. At 8:10 we were finally parked and headed to the corrals. Our moods lifted and we were ready to be happy again and excited about the race that was about to start.

The second was getting out of the car and hearing Da' Butt. Emily's buddy runner summed it up perfectly when she pronounced, "Ultimate DJ fail." Um. Sort of counter to EVERYTHING that we are trying to teach the girls. But um, whatever. Okay.

Beyond Da' Butt, I was disappointed to learn that the girls would no longer be timed and that $15,000 had been spent on a Jumbotron. Hmmm... less healthy snacks, no way to track personal goals, and a Jumbotron? Is there a world in which any boys' event would have taken out the timing?! I get that they want everyone to feel good (everyone got a "1" bib this time instead of a bib number - I can't even address this from a "green" standpoint, which btw, GOTR portrays), but my kid has done this five times. OF COURSE she is looking for a time! Finding out that it wasn't timed was the biggest let down for her. She basically said that she thought the whole thing was ridiculous, and for once, it was hard for me to disagree.

Girls on the Run, what is going on? 10,000 people showed up for this. I don't know about the rest of you, but four hours in the car to stand around and then not be able to run because the course wasn't planned for the number of people doesn't sound all that respectful of the girls, their parents, their buddy runners or their coaches. We paid $165 for the season, and her buddy runner had to pay $25 to run/walk with her. Her coach doesn't get paid, although I know she's spent tons of her own money in order to provide the healthy snacks that she believes are important. Her coach is wonderful, but she shouldn't have to do that.

There were some really happy moments during the day, and I don't mean to say that there weren't. My buddy runner was AWESOME and happy and great to be with anyway, so in no way am I saying that it was entirely a bust, but I really wanted her to be able to run if she wanted to. After the race we had a great time, photos were taken, memories were made, etc., etc., etc. I even have a picture of my kid AND her amazing coach on the Jumbotron. Still, I got back in the car at 10:30, left the parking lot at 11:40, and got home at 12:45. At what point do we really talk about self-respect?!

The Scope Guy

2013-04-29T21:04:00.001-04:00

I had an appointment today with my friendly, family orthopedist, Dr. Z. He has treated three of the four members of my family on multiple occasions - all for general klutziness. Everything started out alright. He asked about "the baby", and I explained that he was a wild and crazy string bean these days; he said I looked good (always get bonus points for that!), and I told him about the running and general adherence to exercise; and then he pulled up my MRI.

Dr. Z's tone changed slightly and after scrolling a bit through the images chose to poke, prod and twist my hip and leg to determine the severity of the "ouch." Fortunately there wasn't too much. Like running, the poking, prodding and twisting doesn't actually hurt that badly. I just can't sleep later, or cross my legs, or drive a car for long distances... After the assessment, he went back over to the images and explained that yes, I have the labrum tear, but I also have a cyst, which is most likely caused by the tear and is partly responsible for the pain.

So he is sending me to "The Scope Guy" in the practice to talk about what needs to be done. My appointment is May 23rd.

Happiness

2013-03-23T16:33:00.001-04:00

My house is a wreck. The car is disgusting. There are toys and finger prints in every direction that I look, and when asked about future home projects, the list of things that I need and want can be rattled off like a machine gun. But today, I'm happy. Like... really, REALLY happy. Alone in my house with a smile on my face happy. I don't have amazing news to share. Didn't win the lottery... no exciting life changes to announce... I'm just... happy.

My day in review at this point includes:

Making it through two doctor appointments, Target, and a 4 yr-old birthday party without one major tantrum from my son.

The scale at the doctors office telling me that I have gained 9 lbs in the past week since I finished my elimination diet (to which I didn't have any obvious symptom relief and have rebounded by welcoming too much coffee, wine, and chocolate into my hands). I checked this with my scale at home. Neither are exaggerating. Whoops.

Being surrounded, and thus confronted, by mirrors at the birthday party and realizing that I hate my long hair again and should cut it.

Hearing my son tell me that he "is going to go get a new Mommy." After asking him for details on that idea, I now understand that new mommies can be found "at the Mommy station. That is where they are." Apparently he'll be looking for one with black hair. I hope she's nice.

But...

It is gorgeous outside and that always makes things good.

I got to see a friend today and made a new one.

My husband and daughter are spending the day together in DC visiting the Jefferson Memorial (she just finished a school project on TJ, and he is finishing a biography that I gave him for Christmas), the Building Museum, the Capital, and who knows what else.

AND

I feel healthy.

I have energy to tackle the mess of the house.

I have people in my life that are fun, kind, compassionate, understanding, motivating, and share similar interests as i do.

The half marathon was last weekend, and it rocked. I can't wait to do another one. Tomorrow our wonderfully amazing babysitter is coming over again so we can get it another long run - JUST FOR FUN. I've registered for more events this year, and I am very lucky to have great friends who want to join me.

What makes YOU happy today?????

Born to Run

2013-03-07T22:32:00.000-05:00

My daughter has been heckling me lately about writing a blog post. I've told her the truth - that I've just been busy. Between work, her activities, her brother's never-ending energy level, feeding the family, doing a modicum of house chores and fitting in exercise, I'm sort of tapped out and brain dead by the end of the night. She really likes that I write this blog, and I think she has gotten a lot out of watching me turn my life around in the process of writing it. I recently asked her if she wanted to write a post about perspective of the past two years. She told me she was too busy.

There is one thing though that I want really do want to share. Knowing that I loved reading John Bingham's book, An Accidental Athlete, one of my closest girlfriends put Christophper McDougal's Born to Run in my hands last fall. She knows that I am a reader, and she knows me very, very well. Still, when she handed me the book, I thought that there might be some mistake. Remember? I'm just like the Accidental Athlete?! How could I also be Born to Run?!! The juxtaposition left me wondering and a little scared. I assumed that B2R was for die-hard runners only. People who loved running as kids, teens and adults - who plan vacations around running and the thrill of pushing themselves to the very limit. In other words, NOT me. Granted, I now run occasionally for fun, and some of my runs have felt really fantastic, but plenty of them are still really, really icky. I had to take a class to learn how to run for goodness sake! (Which by the way was EXCELLENT. The instructor Bruce couldn't be a nicer guy, the class size is kept small, and it is FREE. Just another reason to love my local running store MetroRunWalk!) But c'mon. Everyone knows that I am not a natural born runner.

But I smiled and brought the book home. I told my husband that I would read it when I finished the book I was on, which at the time was A Feast for Crows in the Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones) series. So he started reading it instead. And then he started talking about it all the time. Ad nauseum. So in my passive aggressive away, I moved on to the next book in my series. He wanted to talk about B2R so much that I finally told him that I'd have no reason to read it. His reaction was very surprising. Typically I would have expected him to be just fine with that and tell me everything, but instead he looked panicked and stopped talking immediately with the exception of, "well... you just have to read it."

They were both right. I needed to read it, and now I'm a book thumper telling everyone I see that they need to read it too. Everyone. That includes you. Maybe even starts with you. Born to Run is so much more than a running book. It is a book about life, relationships, community, food, anthropology, human evolution, and yes, running too. It's well written, entertaining, and thought provoking. If you absolutely know you aren't going to read it, or if you are just so excited you can't wait and need to know more now, watch Christopher McDougal speak at TEDxPennQuarter 2011.

Thanks Jamie. Reason #982348 you are a good friend.

Just Breathe… and Eat

2012-11-19T22:17:00.000-05:00

It’s been almost two weeks since my sinus surgery/deviated septum fix, and I’m sort of losing it. I opted for the procedure in hopes that my airflow would improve and my migraines might be more tolerable. For the first week I was painfully losing it, followed by several being just completely out of control, and now I’m just a sedentary lump of a mess.

I knew that the surgery would be painful, and so I allocated two days after plus the weekend for my recovery. IT WAS NOT ENOUGH. No thanks to my doctor, who reassured me that this was going to be “uncomfortable” for a few days but “really not that bad”. Maybe I’m a wimp. I asked myself if I was. I’ve certainly had wimpy moments before. So I challenged myself not to be a wimp. No luck. I only ended up hurting and feeling whiny and badly about my lack of pain tolerance.

Six days after the surgery, I tried going back to work. Two and a half hours later, on the verge of tears, I packed up, told my admin, and headed home. … But not straight home. This was the point where I transitioned from painfully losing it to going completely out of control. Because somewhere in my lack of any sense whatsoever, my body told me that the best way to fix the problem was to head to the McDonalds drive thru. And in that drive thru, I, who very proudly doesn’t eat “that”, I ordered the quarter pounder meal. Large. And I ordered a fish fillet. And a southern chicken sandwich. There is really no life vest once you’ve broken through the “I don’t eat that” dam. The drive thru was the tipping point for masochism gone wild. I have no idea how much of the pain over the next several days was caused by the surgery versus the inflammatory substances I consumed.

Daydreaming about running today, which - Three cheers for Holly! - actually happens, I’m itchy to get moving again. My friends at work are going without me. Everyone I know seems to have run some kind of race this weekend. I cheered for, rather than ran with, my daughter during her 5k on Sunday. I have that panicky feeling that it will be hard, and I won’t be able to do it when I get to start again. I can intellectualize it all and see that it won’t be so bad – that I don’t have to wait for too long, but the feeling is there regardless. I see the doctor again next week for a progress report and will hopefully be cleared for more than just light activity. In my mind light activity was supposed to be only a few miles at a slow pace. In his apparently light activity is just my normal life at work and running the family.

Yet I know it will come. I will be okay. Each day is better than the day before. I will start moving again, and every step will be a good one. And in her first official race on her own, my daughter ran beautifully.

All you have to do is ask

2012-10-23T21:19:00.000-04:00

I've been quiet lately, and while I'm not totally off the exercise wagon, I haven't been ~~crushing attempting~~ thinking about at all any new goals either. I'm running, going to the gym a bit, and sticking with a fairly predictable and not terribly demanding routine. Part of that is just the time it takes me to get used to a new school year - for myself and for the kids, and in the spirit of full disclosure, part of it is because I've been eating more, drinking more wine, and staying up too late.

And then today my friend Josh told me that he registered for the Rock 'n Roll Half in DC. And apparently that is all it takes for me to go from zero plans to hitting "process registration".

Thanks Josh - you're the best.

Blog? What blog???

2012-07-28T17:04:00.001-04:00

Ohhhh... MYYYY blog... right, write, I have a blog.... For the first time I'm proud to say that my silence isn't because I've been a total slacker. An unanticipated outcome of keeping a separate FB page for my blog is that I have found so many other great blogs and pages that keep me motivated. By the time I've caught up on this one and that one, I've been staring at the screen for so long that I really need to unplug.

As many of you know, my main reasons for starting down this tech trail were to write about my intention to become a healthier person, generate some accountability, find other like minded people hoping to do the same and hopefully even get to the point of being able to share some personal goals and accomplishments. A few months after I started writing, I created the Facebook page for two main reasons. I was starting to worry that I was annoying my personal FB world with my new adventures and could give any of them an option to "Like" and thus follow along or to stick with more periodic updates, family photos - you know, the regular stuff. It was an added bonus that I could keep other pages that I follow in a separate feed.

I never expected to find SO MANY other people out there looking for and doing the exact same thing. Every day I come across another page or stumble upon another blog that speaks to me. I wish there was time to keep up with all of them. There are several though that I do follow closely. When I read about their goals and the ups and downs along the way - personal victories, medals earned, injuries, personal relationships, family emergencies, tough training regimens and new forrays into exercise, I find myself cheering, sending encouragement, nodding in understanding, and wanting good things for each of them.

So while I haven't written much lately, I have been reading a ton. When I haven't been reading, or cooking (crazy food issues), or chasing around my 2 yr old, or picking up after said 2 yr old, or hanging with my 10 yr old, or trying to spend time with my husband, in the past month I've been going to the gym and running as much as possible. I've done my first International Duathlon (does that even exist? It was supposed to be a Triathlon but the storms washed away the swim course so we ran instead of swam the first mile) and ran my fastest 5k.

For everyone who has reached out to me in some way - by reading these posts, following my page, giving me encouragement, inviting me for a race, sharing advice, and letting me get to know you - I want to say thanks again. I never imagined that writing, sharing, etc. would have as positive of an impact on me as it has, and it is all because of YOU.

And for accountability purposes, my husband and I made it out for a 4+ mile run this morning with the jogging stroller. Just in case you were wondering.

Point and Purpose

2012-06-27T11:42:00.002-04:00

This Sunday Justin and I will be participating in the Jamestowne International Triathlon - 1.5K swim, 40K bike, and 10K run. It will be our first event of that distance, our first event together, and our first night away from our kids in two and a half years since our son was born.

A few months ago when we registered, I naively thought that I'd get myself into some sort of training regimen. I didn't learn my lesson from the half marathon and really thought that excitement and good intentions would make it happen.

The plain truth is that it. did. not.

Do I have excuses? Oh sure! I have lots of them. Here are just a few:

1. I tore my hamstring my freshman year of college. I deserved it really - I was making fun of a group of spritely little cheerleaders, jumped into my split, laughed with my friends as I hoped no one noticed me hobbling back to my dorm. I then spent the next three days in my loft because I couldn't move. Nearly 20 years later, I still have a lot of scar tissue that occasionally wreaks havoc on my hamstring (right), my left hip, my left knee, my right foot, etc. For the past couple of months I've been participating in an after school fit club with some co-workers, and several of the exercises have exacerbated my hamstring. I've iced and stretched and woken up in the night and done it all over again, but it's definitely been a nuisance. I cut down how often I was going to fit club, and I started modifying a lot of the exercises, but the girl leading it is a great girl, and I wanted to support her, so I kept going when I could. The result has been an overall decline in regular exercise since so much of the time I was hurting.

2. I've been working on the diet changes and have given myself too much credit and leeway to do nothing because I've suffered horribly from chocolate omission.

3. Some days have been rainy.

4. Or they've been too hot.

5. I haven't wanted to go by myself.

6. Cleaning and organizing random areas of my house suddenly becomes very important right before I am able to leave for the gym.

Recently I've been able to add two more:

7. My son spiked a 104 fever on Friday and has been attached to me every day until today. I realize that this wouldn't have been my time to train, but it's definitely bumped me from "tapering" to "slothing around". Until last night, I had come to accept that this would be Justin's race and that I would either take the boy with me to watch or we would stay home and wait to hear about it. Now he seems fine, so we're back to our original plan.

8. I woke up Monday morning with a crick in my neck and have been moving like a robot since - particularly driving the car. I can't even imagine bilateral breathing right now...

Are there more? Probably. Yes. Certainly.

Does it matter? I'm not sure.

I loved the half marathon most because I gave myself permission for whatever happened to happen. Everybody knows that I'm not in this to win it, and when I start thinking about competing I turn into my freaked out stress case state. Instead of getting ready for this race, I'm choosing to just look at Sunday as a fun day of exercise and will make me healthier and stronger than I am right now. Can I swim a mile? Yes. Can I bike for 25? Yup. Can I run for six? Um... after the prior two? I can probably shuffle and schlep my body the distance. Do I see myself on a podium? No. Does that matter? NOT IN THE LEAST.

On Friday Justin and I went for a 50 mile bike ride, and it was great. We casually talked about our upcoming triathlon, and I told him that my "training" is all for the day that he and I take a weekend to bike the C&O Canal to a bed and breakfast. It's for our recent trip to the zoo with the kids when I didn't get tired and could walk around for the entire day without resenting him or the kids for making me move faster. It's for all of the extra steps that I take that I wasn't taking a couple of years ago.

So... 1.5; 40; 10?

It sounds like a good way to spend a Sunday to me.

Summer Lovin'

2012-06-23T23:37:00.000-04:00

This past Wednesday marked the end of the school year as I turned in my badge and keys for the summer. Every part of my body wants to scream and do cartwheels and handsprings. Don't get me wrong - I have a great job. I'm a counselor in an elementary school, and while work is work and I don't care where you work, there will always be areas for improvement, I'm pretty darn lucky with my place of employment. Still....

I have two months to put myself and my family first.

Two months to workout as often as I'd like.

Two months to take my son to the playground or swim in the pool.

Two months to enjoy my daughter's company without having to badger her about homework.

Two months to get my sh*t together and organize suffering areas of my house. (Not that this is incredibly likely, but it is possible.)

Two months to catch up with friends and read and blog and read other blogs.

Two months to .... fill in the blank because I finally have time to do it!

Woo Hoo!!!

I ♥ SUMMER.

To kick off this sacred season, I had a lovely swim Thursday thanks to my new playlist recommendations. A few of you have asked what I finally came up with, and I'm happy to share. I started by taking several songs that were just too slow for running but that I really like and then added some of your suggestions. I actually ended up making two - each just over an hour. I listened to the first one on Thursday and am eager to use the second tomorrow.

My favorite part of the recommendations were all of the references to going "old school." I'm choosing not to focus on the "old" part of that... It was good to just sit for a while and think about songs and of old friends and memories.

On Friday Justin and I went for our first bike ride together. We parked along the W&OD trail at mile 9 (east Vienna) and rode out past Leesburg to mile 35. It was a longer ride than either of us have done before, and without knowing exactly how we'd be doing towards the end, we both agreed not to go the additional 10 miles to the end of the trail before turning back. It was a good decision. When we started out yesterday the sky was overcast, and based on the weather forecast, we assumed that we would be rained on at some point. Instead though the sun came out and for our last 20 miles, it was sunny, 96 degrees and freaking hot! The trail has several places to refill water, and we stopped twice (Ashburn on the way out and Herndon on the way back) for tea, juice, and snacks. I was so sleepy when we got back to the car that we actually needed a Chinese fire drill intervention just to get home!

So far, my summer is everything I've been hoping for.

Ladies’ Choice – Super Sprint Triathlon

2012-05-15T23:13:00.002-04:00

Mother’s Day was a whirlwind of activity at my house, and it’s taken me a few days to recover and carve out some Holly-time to write about it.

Comparing a 5:00am wake up for a sprint triathlon to a 6:30am wake up for a 5K run is an apples to oranges exercise in futility. I’m still not sure if it is the camaraderie in the atmosphere or just all of the “stuff” that I need to remember, but I literally fly out of bed and get moving. In contrast, while I’ve ran several 5ks in the past year, I can’t think of one morning that I didn’t have pangs of regret when it was time to leave my cozy bed in my snug little house with my loved-more-than-anything family members and wish that my plan instead included another couple of hours of sleep followed by brunch in pajamas.

But Mother’s Day was a multi-sport day, which is increasingly preferable to a plain old running day, and I was out of the house by 5:30 and on my way. This was easy to do on the first two races – I simply didn’t sleep the nights before because I was too anxious. The biggest accomplishment of my entire day was realized at 5:00am when I realized that I actually slept the whole night without waking up to freak out about directions, gear, transition set up, etc. It’s funny how stressful and intimidating transitions can be at first, (or at least were for me) and then after doing a few of them realizing that all of the stuff fits into a small little bag and the formula isn’t exactly rocket science. Hopefully I will still feel this way in July.

My race itself was fine. I’m still a jumble of anemia, fatigue, etc., and I’ve been distracted from “moving” much lately by other elements in life (my family, my job, my house, etc.), so my real, honest-to-goodness goal was to have fun. My swim was alright but not stellar. I kept a nice steady pace that felt as good on the last length of the pool as it did on the first. T1 was quick and simple. My bike was surprising only in that I was more upset at being passed than I thought I would be. I took note of the women who passed me, and I know that they are all tri-regulars with several events on the near horizon, but it was still irksome. T2 was super easy and the run was short and uneventful, which is about as positive as I can make a run sound most of the time. Well, I take that back. The run included one out and back stretch, which was the friendliest span of race course I’ve ever experienced. Everyone was so cheerful. It would have been weird seeing so many smiles except I knew I was wearing one too. “Great job!” “You’re almost there!” “Good luck!” REALLY?!?! When was the last time you were in a race and the other competitors actually smiled at you and gave you friendly encouragement?

The best part of the event was that two very good friends of mine competed in their first triathlons. I hope that either (both?!) will be willing to share their experiences with everyone here. I love this picture of Rebecca. I was so happy to cheer for her and be there to celebrate her first triathlon.

She is a Mama Getting Moving for sure.

And here is a shot of the four of us – Janet, Me, Rebecca and Marcie.

My Girls on the Run team had a practice 5K on Monday afternoon in preparation for our race this weekend. Due to all of the rain that we had on Monday, I shortened the distance of each lap and increased the number of laps in order to keep them on pavement and to avoid potential injury from the muddy field. Just before practice, I decided to split the girls in half and send each half in opposite directions so that they too could look at other runners, could smile at them, and could give them encouragement. They were silly and hilarious, and it was awesome.

Food & a Butt Lift

2012-04-20T22:11:00.000-04:00

Some of you may know that my new doctor recommended that I consider food as the source of my weakened immune system, chronic fatigue, anemia, ... (the list continues). My report arrived last Friday, and I have spent the week trying to figure out HOW IN THE WORLD I am going to feed myself - not to mention the rest of the family. I'd stopped eating wheat/gluten about a month earlier since it is a likely culprit, so I was prepared for my report to possibly list that along with maybe one other thing. As long as I could eat corn (no chippies+guac = sad Holly), I was sure I could handle anything else.

Until it said soy.

(source)

Freeze. Soy? I hadn't considered this possibility AT ALL and was completely unprepared. What chippies will I buy now?! What salad dressings? What juices? What...FOOD????

And it wasn't just soy. In fact, apparently my lovely lymphocytes also reacted to pecan, broccoli, salmon, lima bean, lime, garlic, baker's yeast & calcium propionate (food preservative).

So the past week has been a little bit rough. There is one silver lining - baker's yeast is not brewer's yeast. I may not be able to eat a lot of things, but at least I can drown my sorrow in beer. Not that I drink much beer, but maybe I will, and at least I can. Ugh.

I have been exercising though. A run here, some bike trainer there, and now I have a new addition to my routine.

Not very long ago a friend of mine at work decided to extend her group fitness hobby to her colleagues and offered to lead those interested in weekly or twice-weekly workouts. Yesterday was the third day that I was able to attend. The first was a fitness test five days after the half. My legs and energy were still recovering, and after the test I could barely move for days. The second day was an Insanity workout, and my calves screamed at me for nearly a week. Yesterday she led us through "Brazilian Butt Lift". So far so good on that end. (HA! Immediately I think of my favorite dome friends.)

Imagine for a moment that you are standing in a school gymnasium with several coworkers. You are following a video that is projected onto a large screen with an amplifier attached. As you follow along squating, jumping, and rotating hips and shoulders, a Borat-lookalike video instructor provides instruction and encouragment exclaiming, "Now really squeeze your BUTT!"
If I had any shame, I'm pretty sure that I conquered it. I can't wait to see what she has for us next week.

Oh and word of caution - for the sake of providing a photo for your blog friends, do not Google Image Brazilian Butt Lift and think that you may see Mr. Borat Impersonator Video. You will not. You may be scarred for life.

I better live to be 100.

An Accidental Athlete

2012-04-04T22:24:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine told me that she had a book to loan to me and put it into my hands.

What. A. Gift!

John Bingham's book, An Accidental Athlete, was written for me. Forget about the hundreds of thousands of people (millions?) who may read it. It was written for ME. I cringed, and I cracked up, and more than anything I nodded my head in agreement.

As to my own personal journey, here are a few more serious thoughts of his that resonated well with me:

This book is an invitation for you to discover the accidental athlete in yourself.

Yes sir... keep talking. This year has proven to me that I've needed more than just an occasional activity. Yes my physical body needed to get moving, but my psyche has needed purpose, fun, goals, and camaraderie.

The only thing worse than having never been an athlete is having been one and given it up.

Too... too true. A few years ago when my father relocated, he dropped off a few boxes of my old medals, trophies, ribbons, framed photographs, etc. After looking through everything and feeling like a pathetic has been, I put it all in the dumpster. There was nothing good for me in that stuff, and I was actually pretty embarrassed by it. I wonder if I had continued competing - through college and beyond as I assumed I would - whether or not I would have chucked those things. My guess is that they wouldn't have bothered me. That I diverted from that life at all - that is what has bothered me.

I was discovering the joy and magic of an active lifestyle. I was discovering that even though I had been living a life of sedentary confinement, I had the power to release myself.

I have had so many emotionally rewarding experiences in this past year. My first triathlon was so much fun, I was very grateful for my 9/11 5K, and my dreaded birthday was fantastic. Little by little, I've been reawakening.

I know that every step is a step in the right direction, taking me closer to who I want to be.

Dude. Every step IS a good step.

I told you he wrote this book for me.

Maybe he wrote it for you too. ... Maybe.

Good Things Come in Threes

2012-03-30T22:31:00.001-04:00

The latest on my physical fitness roller coaster of life has been THREE moments of awesomeness.

#1 - Last night was the 6th grade vs. staff basketball game, and not only did I play for the first time in a few years, but I wasn't completely dying while doing it. My clumsiness even balanced out with four points for the teachers and three fouls against kids. Yes. Whatever. They are fast and little and play between six and eight at a time. We could look at it like it's a miracle that I didn't cause major damage to any of us.

#2 - I have been spending a lot of time looking at Virginia races this week. My slow-paced half marathon has given me ridiculous amounts of can-do attitude and today I registered for the Jamestown International Triathlon on July 1st. It will be 1500 meters in the river followed by 40K on the bike and then a 10K run. My excitement was only slightly crushed when I submitted my payment and finalized the registration. Here I was making a HUGE commitment, and all I got in return was a page that read, "Thanks for your Order" in tiny font. Really?! I guess congratulatory fireworks may be too much for some people - especially chronically fit mega-endurance types, but for someone like me, just signing up kind of feels like I need a fancy beverage to celebrate.

#3 - My favorite Swim Bike Mom mentioned ME in her post today. I feel famous! This proves what I've said before - that she is awesome, and that there is a good reason everyone should like her. Plus, she alone is responsible for #2 having suggested I consider triathlon in the first place. Nevermind that she suggests that to EVERYONE. I thought it was great advice.

Mitochondria

2012-03-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

In February I came across a link shared by Holly Would If She Could (as opposed to yours truly - Holly Tries Her Darndest And Is Gradually Becoming The Adult She Wants To Be). The link was to a YouTube video of Dr. Terry Wahls presenting her work on the relationships between nutritional deficiencies and chronic ailments, auto-immune disorders and disease.

Like most people I know, I've understood for a while that Omega-3s are GOOD and processed foods are BAD. What I've been missing is the WHY part. The basic gist from my understanding of what she says is that the mitochondria in our cells (the project managers so to speak) are not being fueled appropriately, and so our cells struggle, and sickness can follow.

I went from that video to another, to another, to another, to finally ordering her book, Minding My Mitochondria, and I am now working on following her suggestions and moving my diet in the direction that she recommends - 3 cups of leafy green vegetables, 3 cups of brightly colored fruits and vegetables, and ANOTHER 3 cups of vegetables of your choice, grass-fed meats (I didn't realize that in addition to concerns about hormones that a big difference between grass-fed and corn-fed meats is Omega-6s versus Omega-3s), and organ meats.

Since I've been frustrated for years with random, unexplained symptoms, and for several months this winter being either sick, tired, or sick and tired, I'm in a place where I'm pretty much open to trying anything! Dr. Wahls mentions functional medicine as a health care approach, so I googled it, found the Institute for Functional Medicine, located a doctor in my area, and made an appointment. The doctor was AH-mazing. She spent close to TWO HOURS with me. In addition to strongly encouraging a good diet, she presented a thorough plan of tests and hypothesized that I may have a food allergy that has been at the base of everything. It is going to take a few months to figure it all out, and there is always the possibility that nothing turns up as an easy fix, but I'm hopeful.

2011 was about physically moving, and I'm already so much better and happier than I was a year ago. It is exciting to think that 2012 might add a layer of a more informed, healthier diet on top of the progress I've made.

As you know, I'm all about the team approach. If anyone wants to figure this stuff out together, just let me know!

Rock N Roll Half

2012-03-17T21:50:00.000-04:00

THANK YOU to my running friends for convincing me to sign up for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon. Biggest thanks go to Erika for not only having the idea but then for convincing the lot of us that it was a good one.

I'm tired, so this post will be short, but here's a quick overview of our race:

7:30ish - Meryl (looking adorably festive), Me, Nick & Heather - we smiled for a picture before saying good luck and sending Meryl off to her corral farther toward the front.

(You may notice I am the only one who still looks nervous even while smiling.)

The race officially began at 8:00am, and in corral 26 (out of 27 total!), we crossed the start about 40 minutes later. Aside from my calves being extremely tight, I was shocked by how good it felt to be running and that I could breathe well. Heather and Nick had a 12/min/mile plan, and it was perfect for me. It's thanks to them especially that I was able to keep going today.

My revised hope for the race based on how I've been feeling for the past several weeks was to run what I could, walk the rest, and catch a ride with the sweep van if necessary. As we were running my goal kept changing. First I wanted to run the initial 5K before walking... then it was the first five miles... then I needed to walk for about a minute on a seemingly neverending hill near the end of the seventh mile but was ready to run again. I did that twice more during the first ten miles for a total of six minutes of walk time, and I was ESTATIC. Who cares that they weren't super fast miles? I've never run that far in my life! After seeing the 10, I admitted to Nick that I was really tired, was terribly proud of both of us, and needed to do more fast walking than running for the final 5K. It was time to enjoy the sunshine and my playlist.

Meeting up with the rest of our group at the end was great. I was so proud of all of everyone and grateful to be with them.

Here we are again with Erika and Lauren. What a great group of people.

Oh... my chip time was 2:50:07. I think corral 26 would be proud.

It's Not You, It's Me

2012-03-04T23:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever shied away from a relationship talk? Like maybe there was someone in your past who might not have been Mr. or Mrs. Right, but they were Mr./Mrs. RightNow&Comfortable? And you knew you should probably man up and share how you felt but instead ate your ice cream side by side on the couch as you watched TV? Because come on... those talks are EXHAUSTING. Literally. They are hard, and uncomfortable, and they necessitate action in order to create change... Ugh. My God. The listening... ... and... the talking.

If you can find a personal connection with what I'm asking, you might be able to understand where I'm going with this. If not, you're thinking I am a wretched person lacking in emotional depth.

I'm still a avoider.

Now don't go getting worried about me. My marriage is healthy, and I'm not referring to it in the least.

I'm referring to *THIS*. Whatever this is. I've written less often, I've exercised less often, and when I've thought of stopping to write and explain, I've been so overcome with that exact same feeling of overwhelm. What to say? How much to say? How far to go back? What am I looking for? Is this me? I had a clear purpose a year ago... how am I a scattered mess now? Can I just call myself a scattered mess and hope that you take it with a smile and let me do what I can when I can?

I was looking for accountability, and I got it, and it makes it sort of hard to be in a lazy and depressed funk for very long. My icing is guilt. That should be a good thing. It is a good thing. Without it, who knows what I'd be up to these days. Still, it's much easier to be a slacker when you don't think anyone has any expectations of you. It's too easy, and I don't want to be one.

...

Um.... I wrote all of that over a week ago. It's been sitting in "Draft" limbo. Again I shake my head.

NO MORE! Well, okay, probably a little more, but I'm trying. It's time to own up and face the music.

I wouldn't say that I am at a place where I'm starting over necessarily... but I'm dangerously close. Getting sick, and then getting sick again, and again, has definitely left it's mark. My personal training for the half marathon hit a wall about a month ago, and at this point the plan is to just sort of see what happens and to try my best to get some exercise and have fun - whatever ratio of running to walking that may be.

While I could (and have) beat myself up about how things have been going lately, I'm going to (and really need to) focus on all the good that is still happening. Here's a quick list.

#1 - Work. The after school running group rocks. Each week we have new co-workers who decide to give it a try, and I love it. I am so lucky to work with such talented, fantastic, happy, friendly people.

#2 - Diet. My eating habits have really improved, and it can be traced back to the gobs of time I spend on the Internet. There's too much to write here, but just know it's coming, and I'm excited about it.

#3 - Me. I may have lost ground in terms of my strength and cardio in the past couple of months, but my overall lifestyle is much better, my thoughts are better, my relationships are better, and I am better.

So, I'm going to write when I can, work out when I can, and continue to thank the Good Lord that I know and have met so many incredible people who support, encourage, and understand. THANKS.

... Hugely off topic, but if any of you missed it, Jen's episode of Fat Chef aired this week, and she was AWESOME. Wait... not off topic. That's #4.

More later~

Holly

Mental Maneuverings

2012-02-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

Over the past few days I've been working to remind myself of what is important to me and ultimately what goals I have for myself. The 13.1 in March has been looming over me. More and more I realized that I've been getting anxious about working out to the point that several times I've given up just to avoid a full blown panic attack.

That isn't what I was trying to do, and CERTAINLY isn't what I want to do. Still, knowing that I was supposed to run X number of miles on this day so that I could run Y on that day so that eventually I will be able to run X to the power of Y by St. Patrick's Day... well... okay, not exactly that far...

It's freaking me out. Not to mention the never-ending mental math I find myself computing everywhere I go.... "If I run at this pace... multiply that by 13.1... add a few minutes for a slow start to get going..."

Ugh. Compared to a flighty zumba class, a good row, or trying out my new waterproof headphones in the pool (thank you Santa), it's been a real fun suck.

I am so impressed by my new long-distance athlete friends, and I love reading about their training and adventures. What I'm realizing though is that I am unintentionally making comparisons to myself, or feeling stressed out knowing that this one is doing a 2000 mile bike ride on Saturday while that one is swimming the English Channel. I've started following several blogs and group pages, and have been somewhat stunned by the information overload of athleticism.

And then I started to freak out because I could see my body starting to change in very much THE OPPOSITE direction. So I ate more cookies and baked more cakes and avoided it all, because that's how I roll.

So now, having had time to analyze my behaviors and therapize myself, I know that I need to get back to the good stuff. I need to be happy that my workout tonight included 20 minutes on the bike followed by 20 minutes on the treadmill and not hugely disappointed because I didn't get very far on either. I need to remember that every step I take is a gift that I'm giving to myself and enjoy taking many, many more of them. The 13.1 isn't my goal. It's just one strategy in getting me there, and now that I'm looking at it that way, I'm ready to make it as much fun as it can possibly be.

Overwhelmed Stress Case

2012-02-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

Once again I've been hunkered on the quiet side. It's true that there is a parallel correspondence between my posts and my activity level, but this time my silence exceeds even that explanation. ...

I wrote that last week. It was as far as I got - as I could get. The past couple of weeks haven't been my best ever - thankfully not my worst ever either, but if I could choose, I would never repeat them. I've started countless blog posts in my mind, initially feeling like I needed to explain what was going on, but unless you feel like reading A LOT and learning WAY TOO MUCH about me, you'll be glad that I never mustered the time, focus or energy to sit long enough to do it.

Thanks to TriGirl for pinning this. It made me laugh in a very, oh. my. lawd. kind of way. I needed it.

Just imagine a very large empty blender. Toss me in along with some physical illness, a great deal of family stress, work uncertainty (not regarding my security - just project direction), and the discovery that for the past three months my pharmacy has given me the wrong medication, hit liquefy, and see what comes out. The result isn't very pretty and doesn't work out much.

So, I'm missing the erg sprints today and telling myself to get over it and let it go rather than beating myself up too badly. I'm thankful to be feeling better and know that regardless of the lack of clarity, I work with some RIDICULOUSLY fun and amazing people and wouldn't want to give up one for the other, and thankfully there aren't any long-term side effects from the incorrectly dispensed medication.

Basically, I've just needed a break. Yes, it's probably going to be harder for me this next week as I try to get back into it, but that's life... or at least mine anyway.

Havin' Words

2012-01-15T20:40:00.000-05:00

Not a day goes by that I don't in some way panic over the Rock N Roll Half in March. With two months to go, it's important for me to get in a longer distance run on the weekends, and while I've been feeling kind of junky (stuffy head, sore throat, cough etc.), I was nervous about letting this weekend slip by just because I'm not feeling that well. It's sort of like work. Before having kids, if I felt like this, I would take the day off to recover. Now that I have two kids, and I have to take time off to care for them when they are sick, my resiliency to discomfort has fortunately toughened. I snicker a bit as I write this thinking of my childless co-workers. It's always a sick sort of fun to see them get pregnant, have babies, and toughen up themselves.

But anyway, my compromise was to stick with the safety of the temperature controlled gym rather than brave the cold outdoors and make an attempt at a longer run. Based on the training schedule, I was supposed to run eight miles this weekend. My hope was to finish six.

The first three miles were icky. I was moving slowly, I was achy, borderline miserable, and negotiating with myself how to re-structure my plan for the day without completely feeling like a loser. Overall it's a good thing when your own excuses even sound too pathetic to yourself, but it's sort of crappy to go through the internal monologue.

Whiny Me: Okay, so I'm sick. I can be happy that I'm here at all.
Publicly Accountable Me: Yeah, but people out there know you're doing this.
Whiny Me: But everyone gets sick at some point.
Publicly Accountable Me: You're not that sick. Suck it up.
Whiny Me: Okay. I won't quit now. I'll complete a 5K distance, which is somewhat legit, and then it won't be so bad to go home. My heart rate is too high anyway.
Publicly Accountable Me: The girls from work are running for real this weekend. Not a slow, somewhat legit 5K. And your heart rate is always too high. Stop looking at it.
Whiny Me: Why in God's name did I sign up for this thing?
Publicly Accountable Me: You talk too much. Listen to the music.

So I listened. Initially I bargained that I'd just run for one more song, and then I wanted to run to a rounded number of miles, and then it was an even amount of time. Thankfully, things evened out, and I found myself coming up on my eight miles.

And then, wouldn't you know it, but that SOB machine had the audacity to try and kick me off. Apparently, you can only run for 90 minutes on the treadmill, which makes sense to me if there are people waiting, but with the majority of the machines empty is really just a nuisance. Anyhoo... you all know that I'm a slow runner. So, when at 90 minutes the machine told me it was time to cool down, I started to lose it. The convo was more like this:

Joshua (aka: speak-n-spell sounding machine with mockingly evil intent): Your time is up. Game over.
Me: What?! Are you freaking kidding me?
Joshua: You get 90 minutes. You are too slow. I am slowing down for your two minute cool down.
Me: Oh no you did not just start to slow down. (Pressing "UP" button frantically)
Joshua: You are sad.
Me: Listen you stupid SOB, I need eight miles. Not 7.87, not 7.95. Eight. (Pressing "UP button even more)
Joshua: Tick, tick, tick. Want to play again? Maybe you will do better.
Me: No, I REFUSE. (Realising that while I've just run for 90 minutes at a 5.3 (11:20 ish pace, I am now running these final two minutes at an 8.4, which is about a 7:10)

And there it is. I pass 8 miles at 91:17.

Humph.

Pinterest: Making Me the Woman I've Always Wanted to Be

2012-01-12T22:49:00.001-05:00

In the past few months, Pinterest seems to have taken the online community by storm. My work community has embraced the site for both personal (everyone loves new hair, clothing and DIY ideas in an elementary school) and professional (again, I'd be interested in seeing a breakdown of active Pinterest users by career field) reasons. As a school counselor, I've been really happy to see a lot of great ideas and have an easy way of keeping track of them.

Where am I going with this?

Aside from my very exciting fingernails...

...and some homemade coasters...

it actually is giving me some great ideas about diet and some useful reminders for motivation.

As you know, the only thing consistent about my diet is the lack there of. I love cookies. If you're opening a bottle of wine, I'll gladly have a glass. My idea of a post run treat is a giant hamburger and onion rings.

But in an effort to enjoy good food while working on a new fitness goal (this crazy 13.1 of mine), I've started looking for more recipes that will give me some balance. And let me tell you, Pinterest is making it possible.

The black bean, cilantro, avocado recipe was awesome, I made a grilled zucchini corn salad with added grilled asparagus that was a big hit, and I took the chicken part of one recipe, added the homemade salsa from another, and made the best tacos we've had in a long time.

I DID ALL OF THIS WITHIN A WEEK.

Prior to the big "P" entering my life, one healthy, completely homemade and found all on my own recipe would typically be enough for me to pat myself on the back for a couple of months. I'm thinking that now it may just be possible for me to finally get it together in order to benefit my whole family, and that would be awesome.

So this is a shout out to Ben Silbermann to say thanks. You've provided me with an easy and fun method for compartmentalizing areas of my life in a way that allows me to take baby steps, exchange great ideas, meet and follow so many amazing mom-athletes, and be excited about believing in possibilities.

Epiphany

2012-01-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

I had an epiphany last night. Yep. One day early you could say. After going for a short two-mile run with a few friends from work, I came home and nearly passed out on the floor putting my son to sleep. It was my night to go to the gym, but I was tired and feeling lazy, and it was cold outside, and I didn't want to change into gym clothes. Instead, I told my husband that I wanted to set up the new trainer that Santa brought and give it a try.

It took us a bit to get the thing figured out, which doesn't say much about us given that there isn't a whole lot to the thing. Once we did though, I turned up my ipod volume and started to pedal.

I bought a cyclocross as a way of getting the best of what I consider both worlds without having to buy two expensive bikes. The tires are thicker and have more tread than road bikes do, so while I can travel much faster than on a mountain bike or hybrid, I can also veer off the pavement without worry. In the small, sprint triathlons that I've done so far, I've received just a bit of heckling for not replacing them to boost my mph, but really the distances that I've been doing are still so short that even a couple of mph wouldn't make a tremendous difference. In any event, I haven't changed them.

The trainer works by holding the rear bike wheel while it rotates and passes over a small cylinder for friction.

The more friction though, the more sound that is produced. Justin compared the noise coming from our basement to hornets fighting.

I may need to change the tires. They'll wear down quickly now anyway. There is a part of me though that likes the chunkiness of them. Last weekend at the 5K in Manassas, there was a man who ran in jeans, a plaid button up, a cowboy hat and steel toed work boots. He did pretty well. I don't mean to say that I want to be that guy, but I do sort of feel like some things are necessary (a bike) and some things probably aren't (a super expensive amazing tri bike) for a girl like me. Justin and I have promised each other to register for an international distance tri this year. If we can manage the distances, what's another five minutes in the grand scheme of things? I hardly see either one of us up on the podium when it is all over!

So... as I said, I started to pedal, I cranked up my music, and by the end of the second song, my quads were heating up and telling me that they would be sore in the future. THIS was my epiphany. In the past couple of months, I've been getting slower and slower in my running without really knowing why. Since I was more confident in my swimming and biking, I chose to focus more time on my running. I didn't consciously decide to stop biking, but I did. Why is it getting harder for me to run and am I getting slower?! Well, I'm not 100% sure, but I would imagine that it has something to do with the fact that I'm not strengthening my legs on my bike.

There is nothing like thinking to yourself on a stationary bike in your basement, "I am a total idiot."

After a few more songs, I guess I started to sing along here and there. Justin later told me that he all of a sudden heard what sounded like a little girl talking amongst the fighting hornets. After a few more songs, I used whatever air was left over to belt out my tunes. His remark? There were hornets fighting and then came a woman who had found her roar.

Weird. Possibly true... I dunno. Thankfully I didn't have to listen to all that racket.

After an hour on my bike, I was totally sweaty and gross and was really, really thankful for Santa's gift.

NYE

2011-12-31T23:59:00.002-05:00

I have 19 minutes to write this and still have it post in December 2011. Oh bless. 18 minutes. So anyway, resolutions freak me out. They always have. Mostly I think it is because I have very limited will power, but I'm sure it also involves commitment and overanalyzation. Anyhoo... I wasn't going to write at all today, and I certainly wasn't going to lay out on the line any amazing triumphs or life changes that I'm hoping for or promising. Just thinking about making an official resolution, it's like I'm a freight train.... no, like I'm the front seat on the rickety old Rebel Yell - just about to crest the peak and zoom down, sounding like I might jump track or spontaneously crack at any moment. The necessary objective is of course not to make myself sick.

I started all of this business last January with my bicycle Christmas present and the hope of getting myself off the couch. It wasn't a resolution, and I didn't start until a few weeks into January, but reading back through my posts and looking over my events page, it's definitely satisfying to see how far I've come in the last year. I have hope that 2012 fills me with similar moments of happiness, that it helps me to connect with old friends and make new ones, that I find myself talking about exercise, making plans, setting goals, and living my life more fully. More than anything else, I feel as though that has been my crowning achievement this year. If there is only one life to live here on earth, I want to confidently grasp opportunties as they are presented. Hesitation, excuses, anxiety, and avoidance are all hinderances and self-imposed limitations. I am sick of them.

If you are sick of them too, or if you've already left them in the dust years ago, I invite you to continue this journey with me into 2012 so that we can live fully - live LOUD - together.