Not all Mamas feel at their photographic “best” during pregnancy. And I’m guessing that’s why  a lot of women opt out on the maternity session, or maybe it’s the cheese that they see out there on the Internet or Pinterest when searching for “Maternity Photos”.  I see lots of hands in the shape of a heart on the belly, or a couple hovering over an empty crib (which is frankly just creepy).  I can see why maybe some mamas might say, “It’s just not my thing”.  But I’m here to argue. I beg to differ.  It’s every expecting mama’s “thing”.  Any Mama can document her pregnancy–even if it’s a photo of her eating cake or having her husband tie her shoes.

You don’t have to strip down and bear it all for the camera with your sexiest mirror face. There are lots of ways to document this time in your life.  And you should.  It’s only 9 months of your life.  Even if it’s the longest nine months of your life, you’ll one day miss feeling that little nugget’s elbow poking you in the ribs or the joy you felt the first time you felt hiccups.  When the baby comes, those moments fade quickly and you’re caught up in other incredible but also fleeting moments.  (Another blog post).

Here are some tips and ideas that might change your mind or inspire you

1.) Be real.   I’ve never personally been into having my photo taken, and I’m certainly not the type to “gaze” into the camera with a sexy expression. But I was determined to have some authentic moments captured while pregnant.  Jesse and I had our photographer come to our house and document us in a “day in the life of” style.  We made tea, ate cookies (like 10), went on a walk.  Took a breather.  Walked some more.  Hung out with our dogs,  laughed at the fact that my coat wouldn’t zip, etc, etc.  There were certainly no “hearts”  or cupped breasts in our photos but I’m glad that we had some images that really depicted some of our daily routines during my pregnancy.  Choose to do a session that well represents your lifestyle.  Do you cook dinner together?  Do you take walks or run?  Bike?  A trip to Target, perhaps? A picnic?  A game of UNO?  The options are endless–be creative!

2.) Do it for your kid.  These images will be precious to your child one day.  In one of my favorite movies, The Family Stone, one of the main characters, prints, mattes and frames a 20-year-old  beautiful maternity  image of her boyfriend’s mother.  She wraps five of them up for Christmas and gives each sibling a 16×20.  Obviously, the adult children are moved to tears (as is the mother) with this beautiful gift (the mother happens to be fighting cancer).  Today, when I do a maternity session, I often think of that scene in the movie and of that image–how honest it was. These images will most likely one day be heirlooms.

3.) If you can’t afford it, have your partner take the photos.  Put on something comfortable and cute and go outdoors at magic hour (one hour before the sun sets).  Take a few shots outdoors.  If it’s cold, bundle up in a hat and scarf to accentuate the fact that it’s a winter pregnancy.  If it’s summer, find a pool!

4.) Wear comfortable clothing. The most important thing about your images is that they look natural.  Don’t wear a bunch of clothes that you feel insecure in.  I recommend tight tank tops, boy shorts, yoga pants, t-shirts, prairie skirts, flip-flops, or absolutely nothing.  Less is more here.  I’m certainly not against doing nude or semi-nude sessions.  I think they are absolutely stunning and if you’ve got courage to do it–ROCK IT, SISTER.  All bodies are beautiful.  Especially when they are carrying life.  Bottom line–don’t over think the session with clothes and props.  This is supposed to be a session that captures “you” at this time in your life.  Be true to that.

5.) Do the Session between 32-37 weeks.  You don’t want to be a swollen, cranky fat lady, but you also want the bump to be conspicuous.  This seems to be the sweet spot, time-wise.

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Mama got a lot of work done in the yard last week thanks to this makeshift sandbox–errr, dirt box?  We are still working on figuring out a sandbox solution, but for now this is really doing the trick.  I mean, HOURS of fun for Ramona.  Be it cold weather in her winter coat, or the nice 70 degree spring days in a onesie, Ramona is game to dig all day in our dirt–and now I have a nice spring till for my herb garden, thanks to her little plastic rake.  At first I worried about her eating the dirt.  And of course she did, and even ingested some vermiculite (which according to the poison control center is harmless in small doses).  But the mouthful of earth and the dirt under her fingernails and in her thigh rolls were all a small price to pay for a couple of hours for me to do my own digging in the yard.  But honestly, the best part about it all is seeing Ramona enjoying some independent play time and perfecting those fine motor-skills.

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I love the look of expired film.  I would never use it for clients as you really have no idea what you’ll get, but it’s a great thing to experiment with on a snow day.  So were the oats and batter.  Good times on a snow day.

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Whimsy.  It’s word that I have not used in my daily diction nearly enough.  I’ve outgrown it, shrugged it off as childish, maybe even irresponsible.   In fact when I looked the word up today, this is the definition that came up: “A Capricious or fanciful idea”.  CAPRICIOUS?  It sounded so negative.  So I looked  up capricious and the synonyms of that word are: fickle, freakish, crotchety.  Wow.   When did “adults” turn Whimsy into such a  pessimistic notion?  I mean, what kid shouldn’t be a little fanciful and freakish?  And what’s wrong with impulsive, erratic behavior or doing things on a “Whim”?  Of course, all children should be a bit careless at times, but maybe us adults could benefit from a little Whimsy in our own lives…

You might say I was feeling very Un-Whimsical last Thursday when Moonshine kept grabbing my hand to take me outdoors.  It was cold, windy, and it would mean I would have to get both of us dressed in hats and boots and mittens.  It just seemed a little absurd and impractical. “Seriously, Moon.  It’s windy outside!”, I said trying to reason with her.  But she wouldn’t take “No” for an answer and there was a tantrum brewing, so I gave in.  But I didn’t even bundle her up, I just took her outside reluctantly and let her explore our terribly dirty back yard.  I cringed  as she dragged her little legs (and some of my favorite leggings) over the dirty flagstone,  held my breath when she picked up rocks and put them in her mouth, and almost had a coronary when she started digging through a filthy pile of leaves in the corner of our yard.  But I was honestly too exhausted to fight her and truth be told, I was bored stuck inside, myself.  So I let go of the rules, let go of the thought of another load of laundry, let go of dirty fingernails and fear of spider bites and just let Ramona explore.  I let her play and be a kid–erratic and irresponsible.

Then the reward…  About 3 minutes into playing in the leaves, Moon discovered that the wind would take them from her hands and scatter them across the sky in a harmonious show of rattle and dance.  She squealed, and giggled holding her hands up in the air and  and quickly learned to wait for the wind, then release,  and then celebrate.  It was beautiful.  Whimsical.  Perfect. I learned another lesson of letting go on Thursday.  I was reminded that these whimsical moments come so naturally to children as they study the world around them.  Everything is magical. Our children can teach us as much as we teach them.

From now on, I’m going to let my daughter teach me to pursue whimsy and magic in my own day to day life.  So that I might once again hold sacred the sight of leaves dancing in the wind, the sound of nature’s “chimes”, and the joy of getting dirty.

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I keep sitting here typing a line, then deleting it.  Typing.  Deleting.  I mean, who am I to blog about the art of letting go?  My mind is so cluttered with things to do that making lists of “Things to do”  is on my list of things to do.  I have so many projects to tackle when Ramona is at Grandma’s house that I usually feel overwhelmed and end up drinking a glass of wine then taking a nap.  Naps and wine are good though. Really, really good.

I guess I’m still trying to figure out how to be a mother.  Every day is basically survival in my house.  Getting through one day without a tumble down the stairs is a triumph.  A play date when I actually have a diaper or a snack on the go when I need it is progress.  You see, I’m still spinning from the realization that I’m actually a mother at all.  I sometimes have this moment of clarity when I think, “Oh my gosh, Ramona is mine.  FOREVER.  I’ll be forever a mother.  Forever my life will be a second thought to hers.”.   And that’s sobering.

I’ve been a very ambitious person since I was young.  I started a real, thriving lollipop business when I was just 10 years old and was actually able to sell my sticky sweets to the Boulder Community Hospital and some boutiques around town.  Let me reiterate.  I WAS 10!!  I was a driven little entrepreneur.  And so I am today. But I’m 35 and so much more obsessed with success than I was as a budding tween.  But after eleven years into what was a thriving photography business, closing my storefront studio, blogging at about a 15% rate that I used to, and watching the wedding photography industry slowly cannibalize itself, I’m starting to cling to what WAS my life.  Did I have more blog followers 4 years ago than I do today?  Am I still ranking on Google in the top 10? Do all the wedding coordinators know my name?  And it looks as though in a few years nobody will be able to be a full time photographer with the rate of incoming amateurs and digital cameras/media/Facebook advertising, etc.    And what can I do about it??  I’m now changing diapers, reading Goodnight Moon 15 times a day, holding my daughter’s hand hour after hour as she pulls for it demanding, “Waaa?” (translation–walk in “Ramonaese”).  In the rare occasions  when I have an hour down, I have been trying to do post-production on a wedding while refreshing my Facebook news feed, thinking… “Wow, now THAT is good work.  What happened to mine? Do I need to take another workshop? Do I need to  change the way that I am processing my images?  Should I make the switch back to film (something I’ve actually done with my portraits simply to buy time).  How can I keep this wheel churning?”  Even after 11 years of being in this industry and enjoying a lot of success, I still feel like I can’t get enough affirmation about my work, my style, my whatever. How many “Likes” did my post get? How many blog comments? Did I get any Tweets? Ugh.  Who AM I????

So here I am today. I’m drinking the glass of wine but skipping the nap to process these thoughts as I repeat the mantra that I’m still everything I used to be, I’m just different.  I can’t shoot 40 weddings anymore, but I can shoot 20.  I can’t control the industry’s “dog eat dog” decline, but I can be thankful for the work I have and know that I’ve never been happier.  I can pull myself off Facebook and read a book of my choosing when I get a break.  I can work on the delicate balance of “work and life” and realize that while my identity has been so wrapped up in the popularity and success of my work in the past, that I need to LET GO and simply enjoy making images again.  And I can see all of this change as a gift because I’m realizing that for the first time in my life, success is measured not in how many Facebook likes or inquiries I have, but in watching my daughter squeal and dance in joy when she sees a chicken, or revel in the moment of singing her to sleep.  I’m remembering that shooting 40 weddings a year and blogging every day only led to debauchery and misery in the past and that  I hardly had time to even look at my work, let alone enjoy it.  I am seeing that letting go of control is growth and that trusting in God’s provision is far easier than promoting my work and losing integrity.  For my integrity today is based on the fact that I’m living the life that was chosen for me, not the one that I’m trying to choose.  Parenthood will teach you that!  My success lies not in getting featured in a blog but in understanding my daughter’s sloppy sign language.  I’m a Mama!  And whether I have it figured out or not, I know that I’m damn good at it when I can let go and be present.

So screw the lists of “Things to do”. I’d rather bask in the chaotic and fleeting moments of Ramona’s toddler-hood. I’d rather stress about a messy home than than worry about the time crunch from a wedding coordinator who wants my images for some blog.  I’d rather steal hard to get kisses from my daughter than refresh my browser to see if there is a new comment on my blog.  I want my Saturdays to be full of strolls at farmer’s markets or music festivals with Ramona in tow, rather than driving across the Front Range for 4 different shoots on a valuable weekend.   I am letting go of my need for approval and praise from my colleagues and focusing on giving my daughter the approval and affirmation that SHE needs.  I’m JUST LETTING GO.  I’m letting go and letting God.  If I’m in a double wide in a year, so be it.  I will have public parks to explore, bubbles to blow, kites to fly, songs to sing, laughter to savor, and many, many more kisses to steal.

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2.)A New Life: Jim James

3.)Recover:CHURCHES

4.)Forever: Haim

5.)You and I: Local Natives

6.)Second Song: TV on the Radio

7.)Stray: Wild Beasts

8.)Nothing Arrived: Villagers

9.)All Wash Out: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

10.)Yet again: Grizzly Bear

11.)Decisions: How to Dress Well

12.)Wosrhip: Radio Edit ft. Jose Gonzales

13.)Take me Away: Wild Belle

14.)Retrograde: James Blake

15.)Buffalo: Alt J featuring Mountain Men

16.)A Stutter: Olafur Arnalds

Love Music?  Be the first to leave a comment with your favorite tune of the week ,and I’ll send you a copy of this mix.  Because sometimes we just need a break from “If You’re Happy And You Know It”…

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On June 15th 2011,  pregnant for the first time with their son, Marie and John went in for their normal weekly prenatal visit.  Marie’s blood pressure was pretty high and the Dr. thought it best to go ahead and induce her, just to be safe.  She was 38 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy.  What started out as a normal induction ended in tragedy, after 72 hours of labor, 4 hours of pushing and a C-section.   We still don’t know exactly what happened to little Elliot,  but somewhere between the last heart monitor reading and pulling him out of Marie , just 7 minutes later, Elliot’s heart had stopped and he was gone. He was born and died on June 18th 2011.  It is still unthinkable.  Utterly, utterly unthinkable.   I can’t even imagine going on living had this been me, but Marie and John are two of the strongest people I know and they have somehow survived, one day at a time.  Day after day.   On New Year’s Eve of 2011 Marie and John found out that they were pregnant again with our little Marlowe.  Needless to say, there were mixed emotions for them and the pregnancy was very hard on Marie. Every day was a grueling decision to choose to “let go” of her raw  fear and grief.  Going to anything social for Marie was difficult because people didn’t know how to act with her.  It seemed they either completely ignored the fact that Marie had lost a child, or they would just stare, giving her the “sympathy” eyes.  I think one of the things that was hardest about her pregnancy with Marlowe was that Marie was terrified that by having another baby, she would somehow be pushing the memory of Elliot away. She was overwhelmed with guilt. Of course Marlowe will never erase the memory of Elliot from any of our hearts,  and I knew it more than ever on the day Marlowe was born.   As happy and joyous as the day was, there was a strong presence of Elliot in the room and the reminder that Marie had done this before.  She had been a mother before.  I’m not writing this post to make anybody cry or feel sad.  It’s  just time for me to process this myself and to  proclaim Elliot’s life along with Marlowe’s.  Although his time was very short, his presence was powerful and real.  Marie and John will never “get over” the death of Elliot, they have just learned to live with their grief. They carry Elliot with them everywhere they go and have a clear image in their minds of his curly locks, his beautiful lips, his long, long fingers….  And Marlowe wears  some of these same features as a constant reminder of her big brother.

I have learned a lot about life and death since June of 2011.  I thank God for Ramona’s safe delivery and health everyday.  And I know that if I had or ever lose Ramona, the most important thing for me will be to acknowledge her life. I acknowledge Elliot’s short life right now and everyday.  I am proud to have people like John and Marie in my life who refuse to  deny that all of this happened, and remind people that  Marlowe is their second child.  I’m proud that they are pleased to tell people about Elliot and aren’t scared to share their story.

It was one of the best days of my life when Marlowe came into this world.  It was an absolutely glorious occasion. We all sighed a huge sigh of relief and wept tears of joy. It was even love at first site for Ramona–she has truly loved Marlowe since that first hospital visit.  Marlowe is  a gift and an angel and I have no doubt that she has her big brother Elliot by her side,  guiding her through her little life.

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