mamamandeville

Three cats gone in three weeks....

2011-06-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe writing about my felines will help me heal. My family is heartbroken because all three of our cats died in a span of three weeks. I'm not kidding! How and why such a thing would happen is beyond me. I believe things happen for a reason, but the reason for this kind of loss is a hard one to grasp. About my kitties-

Josie was a skinny but beautiful tabby cat that was given to me many years ago from one of my best friends. At the time my friend had 8 cats, and they all hated Josie. We summised that it was because she was a supermodel kitty, and they hated her because she was beautiful. My husband was her preferred human, but she would allow me to pet her when he wasn't around. She didn't care much for my girls, and would swat them if they walked by her too quickly. Josie was positive for Hepatitis, 17 years old, rail thin, and slept most of the time. So when she was found on the couch by me June 3rd dead, it wasn't a surprise. The fact that she lasted as long as she did is amazing.

Cleopatra, or Cleo was a gorgeous Maine Coon cat that I found at my cousin's house. She was hanging around there for weeks, and no one was looking for her. When I stopped by my cousin's house on New Year's Eve this year she was on the porch. I picked her up and she started to purr, and went I put her down and got into my car, she jumped into my lap! I called my husband that instant to "ask" if I could take a cat home, promising to find her rightful home, or a new home. Obviously, that didn't happen because we kept her and loved her. She proved to be a great mouser which caused me some stress because of the tormenting, and playing with the mice. I'd prefer a quick end to their life, not injury and suffering. We kept her indoors, but as soon as Spring came she was sneaking outside with the dogs, and it became a never ending battle that I gave up on. June 15th as I was leaving to pick my girls up from school, I saw her in the road. Death by car. I couldn't bear to look at her, and cried my eyes out while driving, and tried to compose myself to pick up the girls. The tears came again quickly as I told them that she was no longer with us. Luckily, my neighbor got her for me, and put her in a box. We buried her on the side of Josie.

Sebastian, or Sebbie as we called him, was a handsome Egyptian Mau given to me by friends of a friend (the same friend that gave me Josie). I'm told he was a result of a spending spree on expensive pure bred animals that led to too many, so they needed to downsize. He was a different kind of cat. When he walked out of his carrier that first day, he just kind of layed down all chill and stretched like he lived here all his life. Super affectionate he loved attention by anybody, even the dogs. I think he thought he was a dog. His head was cocked to the side from ear polyps that he had removed, so I liked to call him crooked kitty because his head still tended to the side. He was my youngest daughter's favorite pet, and he often slept in her bed. His favorite things to do was to bask in the sun on the deck, and sit in the front yard by the rock wall waiting patiently to pounce on chipmunks. He also had this great purr, in Egyptian Maus they have what is called a chortle that he would do when he was very happy. Everyone that visited us loved Sebbie, and wanted him as he curled up on their lap, purred loudly, and stared lovingly at them with his green eyes. He didn't come in last night, and I was concerned because he always came in at night. I waited until 12:30 before going to bed. I got a call at 6 am this morning that there was a cat under my neighbor's car and she didn't know if it was mine. In my heart I knew it was him. His back legs were limp, and I had a sinking feeling. Off to the vets, and they confirmed that it was a spinal cord injury and a grim prognosis. I agreed to euthanize him. My girls were with me, and we said our tearful goodbyes.

That's my sad story. I no longer have cats. I've never in my life not had cats. It will feel weird, but I think a break is needed. I still have three dogs (knock on wood). If I am meant to have anymore cats, I am sure they will find me....they always do. My youngest is having a hard time because he was "her cat", and she really misses him. She wants to get kittens and teach them to be indoor only cats. Time will tell. Rest in Peace Josie, Cleo, and Sebbie.

Happy Birthday!

2011-06-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my baby will be seven! Seriously, where has the time gone? I want to share her birth story because since becoming a doula, I have learned that sharing positive birth stories can benefit others, especially those young impressionable girls whose only idea or knowledge of childbirth is what they see on TV (and we know how that goes).
I have a best friend, and when I was pregnant with baby number 2 she was living in Florida where she started to volunteer as a doula in a hospital program. For the longest time I thought she was "adoula" LOL! I used to call her and ask what is it that you're called again? I asked if she wanted to attend my birth and she flew up the week I was due. I can't remember the days exactly, but at some point I tried to get labor going because she wasn't going to stay indefinitely. I did all the things that one would call "old wives tales"- relaxing massage, sex with orgasm, walked, spicy food, and an enema, pretty much in that order. And so around 10 pm that night contractions started, and I made everyone go to bed. I took a shower, played music in the baby's room while I tried to relax all the while thinking "what was I thinking" I didn't want labor anymore! But those contractions kept coming. Around midnight they were 5 minutes apart so I woke everyone so we could get ready to head to the hospital. But when I told my husband they were 5 minutes apart he panicked, and started rushing around. I was totally calm, talking, not in much pain but he was acting like I was about to push! It was a rainy night, and we had to get my 2 year old to Grammy's house. Of course, my husband drove too fast despite my protest that he settle down. And guess what? We got pulled over for speeding! I recall his impatience with the officer "my wife is in labor!" No ticket, but he was told to watch his speed. Big sister was dropped off, and to the hospital we go. I did the whole triage deal, and was found to be 2 cm...crap! But I knew it, he was going crazy for nothing. So we walk the halls, stopping for contractions. I didn't like being touched, or spoken to- I'm an internal, go to my happy place kind of birther. So my friend and doula was chatting with my husband. The moment that their chatter annoyed me was when I knew I was further along, and so back we went to get checked. My midwife checked me, and reported that I was 5cm, yay! Active labor, so we could finally get to the Birthing Suite and the jacuzzi!!!! Once I got into that water I was a different woman. I would laugh in between my contractions, and participate in the conversation. During contractions I just breathed and imagined myself opening. At some point I got out of the tub, and squatted during a contraction with my husband on one side and doula on the other. The midwife was going to break my water- I was 9cm at this point, but she couldn't break it! I remember my doula saying that babies born in the caul (still in the sac) are said to be angels from heaven. I don't know when my water broke, but it must have been shortly after. I really think that if the midwife didn't fool around with that amniohook, she would have been born in the caul, because she is an angel. When it was time to push I flashed back to my first birth. I was in the same room, and it was the same time of day. I told everyone that big sister was born at 5:40 am, and midwife exclaimed that she didn't think I'd push this one out by then. Maybe I was determined because when she finally arrived, and I looked at the clock I yelled it's 5:40!!! That morning my 8lb 13oz Gemini born with the Moon in Cancer came earthside, so peaceful and full of light, and she is still shining.We brought her home on Father's Day. I count myself lucky to have her, as she has taught me so much just like her big sister. It has always been a hope of mine to have two girls, because I wanted sisters (because I didn't and wished I did). How great to have what you wish. I thank my lucky stars everyday. Happy Birthday to my Sunshine! <3
PS
Nine months after giving birth I attended my doula training workshop. I was so naive. I had two great birth experiences without a lot of education just luck, and an innate trust in my body. I did not read one birth book until my training. I am almost embarrassed at my lack of knowledge, especially since I consider myself to be a pretty smart girl. I just never thought that childbirth was something that you learned, you just did. But I also didn't have a negative image of birth. My own mother birthed me without drugs, I saw plenty of documentaries in college of women in Africa just squatting in the field to give birth by themselves, and I've had a few cats gives birth under my mom's bed. So I guess being somewhat ignorant may have helped me. But I say I was lucky because I happened to ask the right person about care providers. She was the one who recommended midwives (I didn't know they existed), and the Alternative Birthing Center. Had I actually done more research, I would have had a homebirth. So there I was at my doula workshop, eager to learn and share my fabulous birth stories, and thinking that I would hear stories similar to mine. I was wrong. Story after story was about failed inductions turned to cesareans, bullied women who lost their autonomy, cesarean births and babies in the NICU, births that were not gentle, women that had less than experiences. When it came to be my turn to tell my story, I felt bad. I couldn't share my elation when 90% of the other women were traumatized. So I down played my story, and just gave the cliff notes. I realize now, that was wrong. My story matters. It matters on so many levels, and so I am sharing it. Birth happens, and how we are treated during this passage into motherhood, matters. Whether or not you need a cesarean, if you feel like you are heard, and you are respected, then your experience will be positive. Just be sure to get a doula. :)

Henny Penny in Chicken Heaven

2011-05-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

We lost one of our little ladies, and not to a coyote, fox, or hawk. Henny Penny had an impacted crop, and eventually suffocated. It started weeks before she actually passed, but being this is my first time keeping chickens I was pretty ignorant. I noticed when she would come out of the coop in the morning that her chest, that I now know is called her crop, was kind of pendulous. She seemed fine though, eating, drinking and clucking around, so I just thought she had more fat than the other hens. One day I noticed that she was sitting under the water, and not coming to greet me like they all usually do, hoping for treats. I immediately went online and learned a lot. First I separated her from the others so that they wouldn't pick on her, and in case she was contagious. I put her in the rabbit hutch that we use for storage while I tried to figure out what was wrong. I googled until I found forums with folks talking about what I had observed in Henny Penny, and did what they recommended and in the process learned about the digestive system of a chicken all the while wishing that I had educated myself before hand. So Henny Penny had one of two things: an impacted crop or a sour crop. But first learn about the digestive system of a chicken on this site: http://poultrykeeper.com/chickens/health/digestive-system-chicken.html
I told my husband about what I had learned and got the remedy ready. He held her while I gave her some olive oil, then we massaged her crop, and tipped her upside down for no longer than 20 seconds so that she could breath. She did vomit, but only what she ate that day, and nothing that could have caused blockage. We did it once more, and then we let her rest. The next day I gave her some yogurt and put vitamins in her water, and she did seem somewhat better. She couldn't really walk though and standing seemed to take so much energy, and her crop still seemed full. It was another two days before my husband tried the remedy again because she did not look good. I wasn't home, but he called me minutes later to ask me where I wanted her buried....Henny Penny didn't make it. Apparently, she started to vomit as soon as he gave her the oil, but it was too much that needed to come out, and no time for her to breathe. She died in my husband's arms. The culprit did finally show itself- a piece of deer netting. Yes, I cried. I am aware of how absurd that sounds. People chop the heads off chickens so they can eat them for dinner everyday. Not my Henny Penny though, she was a pet, and she was loved just as her four remaining sisters are loved. We showed our daughters before we buried her and all my oldest had to say was, "So that's what a dead chicken looks like." Don't you love how kids tell it like it is? Yes, it is a dead chicken that was buried on the side of my dog Samantha.....and she taught me a lot. Things you can learn from a chicken: It's okay to strut your stuff, the grass is green enough on this side of the fence, wake with the sun, and get a good nights rest, and don't eat plastic. If you are going to have backyard chickens learn about the digestive system, the reproductive system, and the possible issues that could occur ie impacted crop, so that you can remedy it quickly. R.I.P. Henny Penny.

On a more positive note, our remaining hens are getting to free range part of the day. We decided to let them out a couple of hours before sunset (their bedtime). They love it, and I love watching them! I like to sit outside on the swing with a glass of wine while they cluck, peck, strut, run, scratch, and eat whatever they find. So entertaining! We only do this while we are home, and make sure that they don't go to my neighbor's yard. So far so good. And with three dogs and three cats I appreciate my little tick eaters, and the four eggs a day that they leave for me. <3

Lifestyle change without excuses!

2011-03-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

I swore to myself that I would never do this, but here I am about to blog about an issue I am having.....getting healthier. I don't want to use the words "losing weight" because we all know how that goes. Although I do want to lose weight, I also want to keep it off, and be content with my natural body whatever that may be. I am a medium-boned girl, with broad shoudlers and long legs. I am 5'8" and weigh 194 lbs, after losing 11 lbs. I was 205 after the holidays, and when I began my routine on January 3rd. I have been exercising 6 days / week, doing 30-40 minutes of cardio, and have added weights to my workouts at least 3 of those days. But what I think happens, like right now when I hit a wall, my body adjusts to my routine so I stop losing weight. Or I skip a day or maybe two, and my poor habits creep back into my life. Habits like potato chips, and tv.... a literal couch potato! I allow myself too many splurges because "I've been so good". The fact is, I feel good after I workout and there really should be no excuse for treating my body poorly. Normally, I would start to analyze myself, and ask - why don't I feel like I deserve to feel good?, why do I sabotage myself? why do I continiue to purchase potato chips, when I know I can't leave them be? why do I eat even if I am not hungry? Who knows, and really who cares! The fact is that this is not a quick fix, and maybe I will never weigh again what I did in high school (and I thought I was big then!), but I simply need to change my bad habits into healthy habits. Maybe I should celebrate the fact that I have taken a big step with having (some kind of) accountability, by writing this for my few friends. I am also in a facebook group with 3 others for accountability purposes and support, but I'm taking it to the next level with this blog.

So I am vowing to continue what I started. Cardio 6 days a week, and not just going through the motions, but really pushing myself. Strength training because I know it is good for my medium-sized bones, increases my metabolism, and will ultimately help with weight loss. I vow to avoid the chip aisle all together! Eating a healthy, and balanced diet. Speaking of which, I am no longer a "vegetarian" because I now eat fish, not that I am into labels. But I will only eat wild caught Alaskan cod and only occasionally because although I "think" the fish is healthy by it's package. I still feel bad for the fish and don't think eating animals is sustainable unless I am catching it myself in clean waters etc. but that's another blog for another day. To put it simply I like my baked cod, so I am not going to deprive myself anymore. I will eat it with gusto all the while thanking it for it's sacrifice, so that I may have the flaky protein that I have missed for so many years.....

For my own purposes I will write what I am doing well, and things that I still need to work on to make my lifestyle healthier.

The Good:
Smoothies (thank you Vitamix!!!!)
Regular exercise with:
Elliptical (her name is Elvira) and
Kettlebell (20lbs for my birthday- thanks Mom!)
Fresh healthy fruits and vegetables- as local and organic as I can
Passion for my work, and my family

The Bad:
Eating when I am no longer hungry because it tastes too good
Eating mindlessly, while on the computer, watching tv, standing up, or in the car
Snacking from the bag or container without regard to the portion
Going to bed too late
Craving salt and grease
Drinking too much wine....like chips I can't have just one.

The Ugly:
Not loving myself for who I am, or that I will become.....having a bad attitude and negative self image.

Looking forward to Spring, and my favorite exercise- hiking with the dogs!

Peace, Love & A Healthy Lifestyle. :)

Happy Hens

2010-10-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

Our beautiful ladies have been rewarding us with eggs finally. Last month (9/23 to be exact) we found our first egg. It was small, but oh so cute! We think it was Henny Penny, but it could be Chicken Nugget. One day last week, I found 4 eggs, yesterday we got 3, and today the girls found 2. Not sure if it's normal to not have a regular pattern, but whatever. The eggs are so strong, and hard to crack, but very yummy. My lovely ladies, which I call them, get very excited when they see me because I give them the goodies that they love. Twice a day I bring them food scraps, along with some grass and flowers that I pick from our garden. They are not free range, but have a nice sized pen, so I like to bring them stuff they'd find in our yard if they were free range. They seem to eat anything with seeds, and they love marigold and carrot greens. Show up with some bread though, and they go beserk! I love hearing them talk to me when I visit. They cackle as if to say, "What do you have for us today, is it yummy? Is it BREAD?!". My girls love finding eggs, you should hear the excitement. I was telling my neighbor that we are finally getting eggs, and she was confused because I don't have a rooster. She was under the impression that they didn't lay unless there was a rooster around. I guess she thought we got the hens for the fun of it? We get eggs, but they are not fertilized eggs. So no potential chicks, just eggs. I heard that hens are happier with a rooster, and so would lay more eggs. I've also heard that fertilized are healthier. I don't know, but my hens seem happy to me, and I like the idea of eating an egg that is just an egg...not a pre-chick embryo.

Oh, and something weird is happening. I'm starting to like the rooster decor for my kitchen! I am not a "country type" decorator.

Cluck, cluck- I'll add pics later, as they are on my other computer not my laptop.
Stacie

Every 70 seconds...

2010-09-29T16:33:00.000-07:00

Someone gets Alzheimer's Disease. That's what I read today on billboard on 95 in CT. I also noted that there will be a "Memory Walk" to help raise money for research which is good to know. I feel that I do have a vested interest in learning all I can about the disease. It's hard to focus on so many causes...it's depressing. I like to focus on what I think I can help change in the world: maternity care, families, children, and the environment. But I digress .:) My point is that Alzheimer's is the fastest growing disease with the least amount of exposure, or research dollars behind it. And so I ask myself why aren't we talking about this problem? (The fact that there IS a billboard, and now a Memory walk to raise funds is not lost on me). The baby boomers are fast approaching "old" age, so this problem will probably touch everyone of us in some way or another. So let's just face it and be real, we will be the care takers. Let's learn more, do more, and know more.

The statistics are staggering for Alzheimer's! First off let me say that they don't know how or why one gets it, they don't know how to prevent it, there is no current treatment, and of course- no cure. It's rare that one is diagnosed before the age 40, but the youngest to be diagnosed was 27! Here are some facts and figures, taken from http://www.alz.org/ :

It currently impacts 5.3 million Americans and this figure will double by 2050
It costs $172 BILLION annually
From 2000-2006 alzheimer's disease deaths increased 46%- it's now the 7th leading cause of death
It affects more women than men
It is estimated that between 2000 and 2025 the growth of Alzheimer's will exceed 80% in some states

According to the Mayo Clinic, Alzheimer's is the leading cause of dementia which is a loss of both social and intellectual abilities that interfere with daily functioning. The brain tissue simply degenerates and one losses the mental abilities over time. It usually starts with memory loss, and inability for abstract thinking, and articulating. Routine tasks become more difficult to complete, judgement and decision making becomes impaired. They may start exhibiting personality changes, marked by mood swings, withdrawal, distrust in others, depression, anxiety, aggression, and increased stubborness.

So why this post? Well, it's kind of threefold.
We have a loved one in our family afflicted with this disease, and I have since discovered the troubling statistics. I saw the billboard today, which put it in the forefront of my mind, and someone asked in the blogger/facebook world "In your opinion, what are some very wide-spread problems that people don't ever talk about or don't know how to talk about?" Alzheimer's was the first thing to pop into my head. So, instead of hoping that this great blogger chooses my topic, I decided to write about it myself.

Resources:
http://www.agingcarefl.org/caregiver/alzheimers/whatis
http://www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers/Publications/adfact.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/alzheimers-disease/DS00161
http://www.ahaf.org/alzheimers/

Peace,
Stacie

Mama's Day!

2010-05-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've got to say today was a good day. I love the hand made gifts that my daughters gave me. My eight year-old wrote an essay that I would like to share.

My Mom is special. She helps other moms. Do you want me to tell you about her? I love how helpful she is because she relaxes other moms so they can have children like me. I like how thoughtful she is because she thinks about what is healthy for us. I am lucky how hard working she is because she takes care of six pets every day and takes care of us. I am grateful I have my Mom to drive me to school because my Dad has to work. Our family is lucky to have her to make healthy food for us to eat even though I don't like some of them. I think my Mom is proud of me for my good grades. I hope she lives forever.

Awwwwwww, how sweet is that? I love it! The gifts get better and better every year.

Chickens!

2010-04-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

I had wanted to post on Earth Day, but I got distracted. Besides, everyday is Earth Day, right? I have made some small changes that will hopefully turn into bigger ones. I am happy to say that I use less plastic, consume less water, buy less junk, eat less processed foods, and I'm able to check a couple of things off my goal list! Here is a list of things that I wanted to improve on from a previous blog post:

More thrift store, less Walmart.
Eliminating dairy or as much dairy as possible, or at least using organic (local) sources.
Drink microbrews instead of imported beer, and local wine....this shouldn't be too hard!
We'd also like to install an alternative energy source like solar, wind, or geothermal units. I'm happy that my husband is on the same page, and we are doing the best we can and being great models for our daughters.

Changes:

I haven't shopped at Walmart in years, and I will be hitting a second hand store soon for some summer clothes for the girls. I admit that I probably go to Target more often than I'd like....is that any better than Walmart?

I plead the fifth on the microbrews, and local wine. Bass Ale just goes down so smoothly. :) And I drink whatever wine my mother gives me.

No real alternative energy source just yet, but we are collecting rain water to help water the garden.

I have eliminated dairy from my diet, but will soon be eating my own eggs, I hope, because 11 days ago we got 9 chicks! They're getting big already, and have started getting feathers, but I think that they are still cuteness.

4/17/10

Today- 11 days later

My dog really wants to herd them!

My girls have named the smallest one Nugget, which ironically they got from a PETA sticker that I have with a chick on it that says, "I'm not a nugget". The others that we are keeping will be named Henny Penny, Chicken Licken, & Chicken Little.

April Changes....

2010-04-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late in posting, but it's been a busy few weeks. Easter came without any baskets this year, and they didn't even notice. They still got plenty from Grammy & Memere, and had a fun egg hunt at their cousin's house. A rabbit even showed up during the hunt! How cool is that? The girls have been on vacation since Good Friday, and I've tried to fill their week with fun despite our lack of funds. We did a lot of walking at area trails that I didn't even know existed in my 9 years of living here! Today was library day because it's raining, and they are very excited because they got their very own library cards. Back to changes....so far so good with my already made changes, and this month we made a few changes: less processed foods, getting hens for eggs, and manure for the garden, and we'll save some water with our new rain barrel.

It took some searching to realize that I could do without some of my purchases. I now buy dry beans instead of cans, especially chickpeas because I make so much hummus. My biggest change in this regard is the frozen chicken nuggets that are always in my freezer. I bought organic chicken, and made my own which I have done before, but as my husband pointed out, I always had the frozen stuff as back-up. I simply explained that I wasn't buying them anymore, and why. I explained how mine were healthier (even though they are still breaded and fried), but they weren't going to eat them everyday. Eventually, I'll bake them, but for now I think they need to get used to me cooking them in the first place. Others that are on my (no longer purchase) hit list -Lipton Soup, Fluff, Popsicles. So I'll make my own soup, it's a good thing the warm weather is coming :), peanut butter can be by itself or with preserves, and I'll make my own pops with juice. I won't have to purchase eggs, hopefully, when we get some hens! A tiny step towards sustainability. My amazing husband turned our unused doghouse into a chicken coop, and even painted it to match our house. We should be getting our already named hens next week, and I'll be sure to post their pics . With my husband out of work he's been able to get a lot accomplished, including the seeds started for our garden. I can't wait to finally plant them outside. And after wanting one for a while now, we finally have a rain barrel to catch the rain to water our garden! Again my crafty husband fashioned the barrel out of something we already had, so we didn't have to purchase much for these changes. :) Have I mentioned how much my husband rocks? Well, he does.
Happy Spring!

the Easter bunny?

hunting for eggs

the hen house

the red neck-ish rain barrel

Spring has sprung, so a hiking I will go!

2010-03-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of Spring, and since the girls were at my mother's house for the day, I decided to go on a hike with Maya. I usually take all three dogs, but I was going to try the long (7.5 miles) trail that I hadn't done before and three dogs can be less than peaceful at times. Maya is the best dog for hiking because she has perfect recall, and she always double backs to check in with me. I got to the West Thompson Dam, and parked around 10:00 am and started on the Ramsdell Trail. It's nice because it seems the less traveled of the trails, and even though you're not circling the lake there's still lots of water. My favorite are the Pine groves where it's really quiet and peaceful. I sat for a minute just to take it all in, and listen to the soft wind, and birds chirping. Maya doesn't like me to stop moving too long before she starts whining because she wants to continue her walk...... oh well it was good while it lasted. I had taken this trail once before, and that was only my second time at this particular area so I wasn't completely sure of where I was going (despite good trail markings). I eventually veered off the trail and ended up walking the street back to my car! This time I was determined to stay on the trail, and to walk it from beginning to end.

The first part was longer than I expected, and I didn't see a single soul....it was nice. Once I got to the red bridge I knew where I was, and I continued on the right trail. I was surprised to see a river, and the trail was right along it. The sound was great! It wasn't white rapids or anything, but you could definitely hear the rushing of the water. I did see one person kayaking. I took some pictures (see below), but I don't think they really capture the scene good enough. At one point the trail hits a road, and my gut instinct was to turn back, but because I set off to do the entire trail, I pressed on. We actually had to cross the street before I saw another marker, and that part was horribly slanted, and the path hard to determine because it seemed grown in a bit. By this point I am really tired, and have no idea how far I've walked in terms of miles. Once I got to the edge of a cornfield there were no more markers. Ugh...what the heck, not again! I couldn't imagine re-walking that horrible path I just endured, so I walked through the wet and muddy cornfield to a road! Unbelievable. I was pretty mad at myself at this point, and was giving myself pep talks so that I didn't ruin my overall experience. I hit the road- at least I saw the name of it, so that if I had to call my husband he could find me. I was pretty close to calling him, but I didn't want to fail. Then I saw another road and a bridge, and I thought "hey, isn't that the road I crossed?", so I turned on it and sure enough it was! Now I am back to the river, so I have an idea of where I am, but a little distressed at how much further I need to walk before I reach my car. Although I did take one wrong turn and came back to a spot that I remembered because of the noisy frogs- thank goodness for them. So I turned around...it seems there were 2 orange paths. Still not sure how that happened. It was starting to get warmer now, and I really wanted a drink! Yes, stupid me left her water in the car!!!! So we walked and walked. My hips were killing me, and my feet were hurting.

Yay, we reached the red bridge! I still had about 2 miles to walk before I reached my car. Instead of staying on the Ramsdell trail, I took the yellow path because it was shorter (and it is my normal path- that I always take when I go hiking), and I avoided the big field because I wanted to stay out of the sun. Even Maya was tired. When she saw a squirrel, she didn't even chase it, just kept looking at it. At least she was able to drink water all this time (I guess I could have drank from the river too). Towards the end I saw a few people, and I can only imagine what I looked like to them. I heard one say, "nice dog". I don't even know if I responded a 'thank you'. She is a nice dog, and I am glad she's mine. :)

I leashed Maya once we got close, and she knew it! She basically dragged me to the car. When I looked at the time it was 2:00! I was gone for 4 hours! Obviously, I did something wrong if this was to be a 7 mile hike. I can do the 4.5 mile hike around the lake in just over an hour, and was expecting to be gone for 3 hours tops! I'm guessing we did about 10 miles, but it felt like 20 miles. Today, my body feels like I ran a marathon. Although I never ran a marathon so I guess I feel what I think it would feel like, to run a marathon.

A Special Birth Story

2010-03-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted much in the way of birth, and because my cousin doesn't care who I share her birth story with I think it's a great idea to post it here. I'll start at the beginning.

It was a hot summer day so I decided to go to Wallum Lake with my girls and my cousin Alison (we make chocolate together). She asked if I had any clients due in March....."No", I said. She just smiled and asked "do you want one?" My jaw dropped, and then I got giggly excited. "OH MY GOD, Really!?" She really wanted a natural birth, and she did everything in her power to prepare for that endeavor. She got me on her side :), became conscious of her nutrition and ate well, got a care provider that respected her decisions and that she trusted, read books and watched birth videos that I lent her, took Bradley classes (which are a 12 week commitment). She was set to deliver at a hospital that is 10 minutes away from me, and that I had never experienced before as a doula. I was very excited to work at a small community hospital, instead of a huge teaching, city hospital....and excited that I didn't have to drive 45 minutes to get there.

Unfortunately, she has chronic hypertension. This was controlled with medication for most of her pregnancy, but in the last week was put on bed rest because it was too high, and no longer controlled (super imposed pre-eclampsia). It was decided that it was most beneficial that she get induced. The only thing that would take care of her blood pressure was to get the baby born. Her Bishop Score was only a 3, which meant that her chances of a successful induction was only 45%. Those aren't good odds, so I was a little worried that she was going to have a cesarean birth, which she very much wanted to avoid. They gave her Cervidil, which is a cervical ripener, overnight on Monday, and started Pitocin (synthetic oxytocin) on Tuesday. I joined her and her partner on Tuesday, and she had her IV, and her pitocin started at 2 then gradually increased to 20, the maximum (at that hospital), and the blood pressure going off frequently. Just a note- they never once took her blood pressure manually, it was ALWAYS a machine. Nothing changed, so they shut off the pit, let her shower and eat, then started again the next day. I went home and did the same. Wednesday was the same scenario, but the her bag of waters ruptured at 4:14 pm and she was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced and -2 station. No painful contractions, and she was unhooked, allowed to eat and shower. Thursday the Pitocin was started again, and she finally started to feel some contractions that she had to breathe through.

The thing about Pitocin contractions is that when they do finally hit, they hit hard and fast, and don't seem to let up, or give you a break. Typically, when labor begins naturally you start in early labor where contractions come and go, but aren't painful (just annoying), and then build up to longer, stronger and more frequent contractions. You learn to cope with them as they gradually (usually but not always- there are those quick, hard and fast natural labors) increase in intensity, and frequency. It seems when one is on Pitocin, they go from not feeling much, to feeling long, strong, and hard contractions that are difficult to stay on top of.

She attempted to change positions frequently, and I did some acupressure. She was sitting up in the bed, sitting in the rocking chair, leaning forward, walking the halls, but anytime we walked her blood pressure spiked, so they wanted her to stay in bed. It was so hard for her to cope with the limited positions. The bed was used to the best of our ability, but to say she was exhausted is an understatement!

So Stadol and Phenegan were given so that she could catch some relief until she got her epidural. They wanted to do blood work before she could get her epidural, so she had to wait.
To add a funny note, the anesthesiologist asked if I was her mother...there's only a 7 year difference! She was doing so good, and got her epidural around 3:30 pm. She was also given a 20 mg IV dose Labetalol for the blood pressure, Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures, and IV Penicillan because she was GBS+ . The nurses joked that she was all hooked up like this because she is a nurse- Murphy's Law I guess.. Three hours later she was checked, and found to be 4cm, 90% and still at -2 station. Her labor progressed, but slowly. At 9:10 pm she was 6 cm, 90%, -1 station. 11:00 pm she was 9 cm, 90%, 0 station. I stayed throughout the night, and fell asleep in a very uncomfortable chair for a couple of hours. Friday March 12 was here, and at 7 am she was ready to push! She pushed for about 2 hours, and at 9:03 am Calvin Lukas was born with the cord wrapped tightly around his neck, a little pale, not crying, and somewhat floppy. This was a very scary moment! The cord needed to be cut by the OB, and they took him to the warmer right away. He saw Mom quickly, and then was brought to the nursery....so sad. I know it was disappointing for her, being unable to hold him right away. The doctor said it was probably due to the tight cord (no doubt) and the Magnesium Sulfate.... his APGARS were 6 & 8. She was able to visit him in the nursery. Finally getting him back about 4 hours later, and he weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and was 21 inches long.

The crazy thing is that his heart rate was perfect the whole time! According to the external fetal monitor his heart rate was always in the range of normal. The staff never seemed worried about the baby, only about her, and her crazy high blood pressure. I was very impressed with her obstetrician, he was more like a midwife in his philosophy. He didn't labor sit (and he didn't need to), but he was all for her using natural remedies like Raspberry Leaf Tea (for toning the uterus), Evening Primrose Oil (to ripen cervix). AND he expectantly managed the third stage of labor! This means that he didn't tug, or manually extract the placenta- he left it, and let it come out when it was ready, which was 33 minutes later. I asked him why more doctors didn't do it his way, and he said "I don't know, it makes sense to me to wait for it to be ready....you don't want to tear it off before it's ready and risk hemorrhage." I could have kissed him for reaffirming what I ( a mere paraprofessional, non-medical doula) already knew. Here's a great article regarding that issue: Leaving Well Alone.

The nurses were good, it's a small hospital with 2 nurses to one patient compared to the one nurse to 3 or 4 at the big hospitals. They were very accepting of me, and respectful of Ali's wishes. Being there for so many days, we really go to know some of these nurses. One said that I "had a nice way about me", and that she wanted my information to pass along to a doctor that would like to have "good doulas" to refer her patients to because she does get asked. Woohoo! The thing that I would like to change about this hospital is their policy regarding placentas. They pour some powdery stuff on it, and toss it in the trash! It was very sad, but it is my goal to change this ridiculous policy. Maybe if I get to frequent this hospital, I can reach the higher ups, talk some sense into them, and show them just how detrimental this policy can be for moms and babies.

In closing, I want to acknowledge that she did everything in her power to have the most gentle birth, but just as in life, you can't plan for everything....sometimes things happen beyond your control, and you have to adjust accordingly. Alison did just that, and I am so proud her! I'd like to thank her for allowing me to be there, and giving me permission to share her story...I learned so much, and I hope that I served her well. And thanks to my mother for taking care of my family while I was gone....I can't do this without her!

Recreating Crayola!

2010-03-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

My cousin posted pictures of crayon cookies, on facebook, that she made with her son using all of those annoying little pieces that just hang around. Today I cleaned out the girls crayon box, filling a crayon carousel with good crayons, and putting all the little pieces aside. Then I spent about an hour pulling off the paper....they had a lot of little pieces which is why I am so happy to be doing something with them, instead of just tossing them in the trash! After they were naked, we broke them in smaller pieces if we could, then we put them in a non-stick mini muffin pan. We made some mixed colors, and others were the same. Placed them in a 250 degree oven for about 10-12 minutes, then cooled completely. They love them saying that they are better than regular crayons, and I quote, "what a great idea". We ended up with 40 crayon cookies. :)

annoying little pieces

in the pan

impressed with their work

fresh out of the oven

back into the bin anew

testing them out

and a masterpiece is created!

March Madness

2010-02-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

Me and birthday girl 2 years ago.

I can't believe tomorrow is March, and I still don't know what small change I'm going to make!

My first-born will be an 8 year-old in a week, which brings me to a tiny change that I hope will count for something. The invitations to her party noted *no gifts please, but handmade cards will be appreciated*. I did this for a couple of reasons, and the main one is that she does not need anymore STUFF! I cleaned their bedroom yesterday (my two daughters share a room) because it has been a disaster for a while, and I could take it no more. I think it is almost impossible to keep a room clean when toy boxes are overflowing, and there is not a place in the room for every thing. The last thing I need, or she needs is another game, figure, stuffed animal, book, or plastic piece of junk made in China. The other reason is that I want her to understand that the whole point of a birthday party is to celebrate her life, and to share it with her friends. It is not about getting something, whether it's a toy or money. Time is one of the most precious of commodities, and spending time having fun with friends is the gift. Time will be spent rollerskating with her best friends. And guess what? She is totally okay with it! Of course, there will still be cake. :)
So this tiny change will save the gas of people driving to stores to purchase a product that was made in China, the wrapping and such that goes with it, and it will also save the guess work and frustration of the parents in figuring out what the heck do you get an 8 year-old girl that you don't really know that would probably end up being something that she doesn't like or even need anyway. I think this is a nice tradition, but I wonder if it's sustainable.

So as far as the rest of March, I guess the one thing that I could improve on is driving less and reducing consumption overall. Sometimes I like to get out of the house so I'll say I need something, just to go to Target. I'll start combining my trips to the store and only go that one time, and not back again because I sometimes a rationalize a need for an item that I don't really need. Guess it's time to practice what I preach to my daughters. And to think all I had to do was blog to figure out my next change! It's almost Spring, which means back to composting!

Peace

Lovely Change

2010-02-13T17:35:00.000-08:00

My veggie bags have been great, and I realized that so far I have avoided the use of approximately 18 plastic veggie bags from the grocery store! One thing though, I have to take the vegetables out of the bags and put them in the crisper drawer. They seem to make my broccoli go limp pretty quickly if I leave them in the bag. I am still contemplating next month's change, and would love some ideas.

I'm still vegan, or strict vegetarian as I prefer to call myself, and I have to share some of the best vegan products that I have found. Liz Lovely out of Vermont is "Baking a Difference", and I am in cookie bliss after having some of the Lovely Oh's. They are vegan creme sandwich cookies coated in dark chocolate, and they are to die for! And I don't even have a sweet tooth! Another favorite of mine is the Colossal Chocolate Chip Cookie by The Alternative Baking Company. Be careful though, these cookies are more than one serving and it's easy to over indulge....they aren't cheap either. For someone who doesn't eat a lot of sweets, like myself, they are totally worth it. Valentine's Day was my excuse for today's cookie purchase.

Aside from the lovely fruits and vegetables that I purchase at the grocery store (can't wait for the Farmer's Market in June), one of my favorite places to shop is Ocean State Job Lot. They carry a large array of Bob's Red Mill products at a discount, and some other natural food products. I love my local health food store, Harvest Moon, but it is small and expensive. I want to support my local family owned stores, and so I go there pretty frequently. What ends up happening? I go there for a couple of things that I can't find anywhere else, except maybe online, and I walk out of there with $60. worth of items that I didn't mean to purchase (like today's cookies)! Oh well. The owner, Linda, is super nice and very informative, and if I'm lucky she'll have her cute dog at the store. I'm so in love with Golden Retrievers when I see them in person, but that's another post for another day. Have a Happy Valentine's Day, and look here to read up on some history surrounding the ridiculous holiday. Please don't waste your dollars on a card for your loved ones, just give chocolate, and if it's for me make sure it's dark and vegan. :)

One More Small Change

2010-01-28T15:57:00.000-08:00

Month one of my small change challenge has been very doable, but also challenging at times. Mostly, because in addition to my new vegan diet I am also exercising more which leads to sore muscles, which leads to me wanting to stand in the piping hot shower for many minutes. Some days I shut the water off anyway, but other days I allow myself the indulgence of a 7 minute shower. Next month my vow is even less plastic, and like the eager student I have always been, I started a little early. My bags had come in the mail last week, and I needed to go grocery shopping anyway so off I went to Big Y with my regular shopping bags, and my new veggie bags. They have a tare tag on them that says deduct 1.41 oz (.09 lb), so I was concerned at first that the cashier might not know how to deduct the tare weight....but all was well and I worried for nothing (yay for registers that figure all the math for you). The bags are great! They hold a lot, and they're very sturdy which makes me glad that I spent the money. At first I thought I might just reuse the plastic veggie bags from the store, but they don't last more than 2-3 uses. I was very happy too when the lady behind me asked where I had gotten them! When I first started using re-usable shopping bags, I was the only one...that I noticed anyway. Today, I notice at least half dozen others that use them. I'd like to think that people seeing me use these veggie bags will make people think, and perhaps do the same thing. Isn't that how change happens? Now comes the question of what to change next...but at least I have a month to ponder.
Happy Shopping,
Stacie

Placenta, the most beautiful organ

2010-01-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

I believe, as many others believe, that the placenta is a very special, and amazing organ, that historically has been treated with great reverence and respect. The word "placenta" comes from the Latin term for "cake". There are those that do not cut the cord to disconnect the placenta from the baby, but rather let nature take it's course, and allow the umbilical cord detach on it's own, this is known as Lotus Birth. Many cultures bury the placenta in ritual (article), and see it as an extension of the baby. Some choose to consume it's powers as medicine, known as placentophagy, as it is rich with nutrients and hormones. Most mammals (with the exclusion of camels) consume their placenta, and there are opioid effects that animals receive by ingesting the amniotic fluid. Lay midwives back in the day (and some today) understood it's medicinal properties, and would cut off a piece and have the mother hold it in her cheek, if she was hemorrhaging postpartum, to control the bleeding. Regardless of belief held, it was understood that the placenta was not something to be tossed like waste, without honor....like it is done today. This is an extension of today's mainstream birthing culture that gives birth in a hospital setting, with a highly skilled surgeon known as an obstetrician that intervenes too much with the birthing process, and where women often give away their autonomy with the belief that the doctor knows best. The majority of today's births are induced, with epidurals in place, and one-third of those births are a cesarean delivery. But let me not digress....

So today if a woman is lucky enough to birth at home with a competent CNM (certified nurse midwife), or CPM (certified professional midwife), she will ask the mother what she would like to do with her placenta. Sometimes women will bury it under a tree, some will consume it raw, as a smoothie, in a stew, or have it encapsulated -in pill form, while others choose nothing at all. If a woman is lucky enough to give birth in a free-standing birth center (which are few and far between) she will also get to choose what to do with her placenta. If a woman gives birth in a hospital, she will have to voice her wish to keep it, then maybe sign a waiver, but will be allowed to take her placenta home......if she is lucky. This is where it gets tricky, because hospitals have policies, hospitals have procedures, hospitals have a "risk management" department that worries of litigation, hospitals have state laws to abide by, and hospitals have incinerators that destroy bio-medical waste. There was a case in Nevada where a woman fought the hospital to keep her placenta, and won (article). I find it sad that a woman who gives birth in a hospital has to sometimes "fight" to get what rightfully belongs to her. There is nothing sinister in one taking home their placenta. They are not going to take it around the neighborhood for a tour, spilling blood, or dump it in a pond for fish food. They will simply take it to their private home for ritual or consumption.

When I gave birth back in 2002, we took home our placenta, well my mother in-law took it home in a cooler, and it was placed in our freezer. I didn't consume it, though in retrospect I certainly should have, instead we had a Blessing ceremony in our back yard, and planted it under a baby sugar maple. We did the same thing when I gave birth again in 2004. I gave birth in Rhode Island, and didn't even have to sign a waiver back then. They simply triple bagged it, and handed it over. Today this same hospital holds the placenta in a cold fridge for 24 hours, but releases it with a signed religious waiver. Now that I am a Certified Placenta Encapsulation Specialist that serves Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, it is interesting to see the different policies of each state. No problem (so far) in RI, there was one issue at one hospital in MA, but they eventually released it, and no issues at other MA hospitals. Connecticut, the lovely state that I now call home considers the placenta "pathological" and therefore bio-medical waste, and so far 2 hospitals have refused to let their patients take her placenta home. Now as far as I can discern from the DEP site, they give the hospital discretion as to allow a patient to take home an organ, or limb etc.(see #21), but advise caution, and restraint. I find this matter utterly ridiculous because first of all a placenta is not "pathological" in literal terms, unless it is diseased or abnormal- which is of course possible, but not probable. Second of all, it is a sacred organ (not a kidney) that belongs to both mother and child, which has historically shown to have spiritual and medicinal value. It is my sincere hope to get that one client in Connecticut, with some fortitude to challenge this "policy" of withholding placentas and treating them as trash!

Seriously,
Stacie

My veggie balls with pics

2010-01-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

With the exception of the *milk ingredient that's in the bread crumbs, these are dairy-free. I'm posting because as my daughter says, they're like my "masterpiece of food". I used tvp at my husband's request.

shredded green squash, shredded carrots, onions, and green peppers

chopped baby bella mushrooms added

adding a spoonful of tomato paste, after I added chopped red pepper and olives

some italian herbs and a little bit of olive oil

the tvp that's been re-hydrated

the breadcrumbs

added hemp seeds then mixed it!

I used a melon baller to form them, and I made patties out of the rest

baked at 400 for 20 min., turned them over and baked for another 10 min.

The finished masterpiece!

Tonight's dinner!

Feeling good!

2010-01-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been 3 months more or less (minus my indulging during the holidays) since going vegan, and I feel great! It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, it's simply been a mindset change, so I guess I was ready. As long as I am eating healthy food- lots of fresh, organic fruits & veggies, whole grains, nuts & seeds I am getting everything I need. There were a couple of days where I was really tired, but it hasn't been the norm. I just got my 5lb bucket of hemp seeds which I love. Let me just say though, that if I am not eating cheese, I am also not eating cheese substitute, or tofu cheese, it's gross. I don't care what anybody says, there is no substitute for cheese. Nutritional yeast has been great in place of parmesan cheese in my pasta, or pizza, but as far as a slice of something on a sandwich? No way! Feel free to disagree, I guess anybody could eventually get used to something in it's place, but personally, I'll stick with just the necessities. My husband thinks I am crazy to go without cheese, but it is an addiction. It's like the alcoholic that can't have a few beers, they need the 12-pack. If I got a block of Cracker Barrel cheese, in the past, it would be gone in two days!! Here's an article about how one can be addicted to cheese. So if I couldn't moderate my cheese intake, then I'd say I was addicted! Case in point, when I indulged in cheese & crackers along with my Mom's yummy vegetable lasagne on Christmas Eve, the next day all I could think about was consuming more cheese! But I was able to recognize it, acknowledge it, refused to give in, and the craving eventually subsided....I'm so proud of me :) So as much as I enjoyed cheese, I don't think I should ever eat it again. Time will tell, I guess.

Anticipating Change for February

2010-01-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

Greenings!
So my showers are still short and sweet. I haven't shaved my legs lately lol, but when I do I'll just use the sink. Girls still like the shower in addition to the occasional bath so that they can play with their naked "Barbie Dolls". I have been thinking about my next change, and I would like to continue to reduce my plastic use. We have the shopping bags, buy in bulk as much as possible (wish we had a co-op close by), don't use bottled water etc., but the plastic that I haven't yet cut out is the veggie bags at the grocery store. So I may have to invest in some veggie bags like these , but would like to find a cheaper version. Anyone? Also, when I get cheese from the deli, I'll have them use butcher paper, or bring my own container. Definitely a small change, but because I buy so many fruits and veggies with my diet I think it will seriously decrease the plastic. This blog really got me thinking about how much plastic is used in packaging, even little things like a chip bag. I really like what Sun Chips are doing by using solar energy, and having compostable packaging.
Have a Green Day!

My first small change of 2010

2010-01-01T17:56:00.000-08:00

Month one, and I am back on my vegan diet (had a small relapse with a vegetable lasagne on Christmas). I am also vowing to cut down the time I spend in the shower and using less hot water. I bought a timer that I will set at 5 minutes per shower, and I will enjoy it warm, instead of my usual burn- the -skin piping hot temperature. I'm also hoping to get my girls to take showers and less baths. I know one of them like showers, the other child may need a little more encouragement. We already use a water saving shower head, and faucets, and our toilet is a newer model that uses less water, although it's not as cool as these.
Here's a link on saving water in the bathroom.

Happy New Year!!!

One Small Change

2009-12-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

I will be posting here (at least monthly) about a challenge to change one thing each month leading up to Earth Day, and to blog about it. This challenge is at the request of Hip Mountain Mama -

We want to challenge each of you to make 1 change each month leading up to Earth Day (April 22, 2010). It can be small or it can be huge, but all we ask is that you decide on something you will do to make a positive green impact and follow through with it. If everyone makes 4 changes between January and April, this can have a huge effect. If you want to be a part of this amazing and life changing challenge, please see below for details.

I will have to dig deep because I do a lot already see Going Green . So if you have an idea for me, please comment!

Changed my veggie balls recipe

2009-12-14T14:54:00.000-08:00

This is starting to feel like a food blog! Since reading so much about the trouble with soy, especially the processed kind, I am now trying to limit my processed soy intake. No more soy milk, it's now rice milk or almond milk. Instead of TVP in my meatless ball or loaf, I have tonight for the first time used quinoa in its place. It changes every time I make it because it depends on what I have in my fridge, and what nuts or seeds in my cupboards. Unfortunately, it wasn't vegan because I used an egg, but here is the super easy recipe from tonight:

1 cup of each chopped small or minced veggies- onions, peppers, carrots, mushrooms
1 cup walnuts chopped
2 cups cooked stuffing - I used this because it was leftover, but I normally use bread crumbs
quinoa (4 cups after cooking) I used Bob's Red Mill brand
italian herbs, salt, pepper to taste
1 egg

Mix and let it sit for a few minutes while you get your cookie sheet/pan out and just cover the bottom with vegetable oil. Preheat oven at 400. Use a large melon baller to make the balls, and place on the pan. Cook for 15 minutes, roll them over and cook for another 15 minutes

Yummy, tasty and healthy! Here's some info on quinoa.

Tonights dinner

2009-12-08T15:54:00.000-08:00

Well I made pizza for the family again, and here is what I did for my dinner: I took the leftover dough (I make it myself with whole grain white flour), rolled it out. In a bowl I mixed spinach, olives, onions, garlic, tomato sauce, nutritional yeast and some italian herbs. Spread it on the dough, rolled it, and topped with some olive oil. It is baking as we speak! I'm sure it's yummy. :)

So, I think I may have officially detoxed from cheese because I don't really crave it anymore. My breakfasts have become more healthy because I am eating more whole grain cereal, oatmeal and fruit. I used to eat American cheese on an English muffin, on toast, or on scrambled eggs. If I made a sandwich I would have cheese on it, even though I could never really taste it with everything (lots of veggies & hummus) I put on it. I don't think I'm losing weight, that wasn't the motive anyway, but I'm not having as much stomach pain. I used to attribute it to too much coffee, but I haven't kicked that habit yet. I vary how I drink it though, today it was black.

With all the good I'm doing, I shall confess my times of weakness. Thanksgiving was the sour cream and onion mashed potatoes, and on the way to a client's house I was hungry (forgot my granola) I stopped at DD for their Everything Bagel and veggie cream cheese, and I enjoyed every bite! The cake at my cousin's baby shower was from Wright's Dairy Farm, and had real cream frosting. Guess what? I'm OK! At another time if I veered off course just a little I would give up completely and go back to the old ways. It's not black & white, and I will still have a dab of cream in my coffee at times, and maybe even some yogurt....You'll never catch me saying that I am a vegan, I will probably always be a vegetarian that just limits her dairy intake. :) It's all good, with or without Hood. Sorry, for being cheesy! LOL I'm on a roll..... Goodnight, it's been a long day.

Going halfway ....

2009-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am struggling to walk this road.... I have successfully cut out cheese, and even had pizza last night sans mozzarella! I made it the way I would normally, but without the cheese, and when it came out of the oven I drizzled some Olivado oil over it, and added some nutritional yeast. It was YUMMY :)
I even had chilli without my usual cheddar and sour cream. Bagels, and cream cheese I miss a bit, but I am happy to have a reason to not eat bagels because the carb factor isn't so good for my waistline. My roadblock is the little things like going out to breakfast. What the hell can I eat? Toast and jelly? I am not a big egg fan, but I love Belgian waffles! Are the homefries cooked in butter or oil? Animal fat? I can bake things without eggs at home, but what about at restaurants? It would be nice if The Garden Grille Cafe was down the road, but it is in Pawtucket!
So my solution is to not be so black and white - all or nothing. Cheese is out, and this alone is a big step, but for now I am going to allow myself the occasional restaurant Belgian waffle, or a teaspoon of cream in my coffee. It sucks, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy.... so here I go stumbling along this path. Maybe I need to become a vegan chef and open my own restaurant. Ha!

Vegetarian on the road to veganism!

2009-11-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

I will document my struggle for my one follower (thanks Kris!), and anyone else who happens to discover my blog. First, let me explain my vegetarian lifestyle because it happened so long ago in my formative years.

I am a HUGE animal lover, and always have been. I don't ever recall a time in my life when I was without a pet, even when we lived in "no pets allowed" apartments. Let's see, we had dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, fish, birds, snakes, toads, and a raccoon! I can recall each of these pets, and probably have a few good stories about them, but I won't bore you with them! I will say that I used to walk my pet hamster Houdini on a tiny leash, specifically made for hamsters. I probably bought it the same day I got the plastic ball for her to roll around in. You may be wondering about the raccoon? Well, one day my Dad comes home saying he has a surprise for me, and it was a baby raccoon! We named him Wylie. Apparently, my Dad was driving and saw a dead mama raccoon, that was probably hit by a car, and two baby raccoons near her dead body. My Dad collected them, gave one to his buddy, and took the other home. Oh my, was he the cutest thing! He was bottle-fed, and litter box trained and we eventually released him on my grandparents property in Pascoag. They had lots of woods, and a pond where he caught crayfish all day. We saw him when we visited too, we just called him and he would come climbing down a tree, and we'd play with him until we left. I think he may have done some damage to their roof, at some point trying to get in the house, but eventually he found love and never returned. Sorry I hope that didn't bore you, I digress.... My Dad has a lot to do with my being a vegetarian. Despite my despising him for most of my life, he had a lot to do with the person I am today, and for that I am grateful. He was a very proud Marine, and Vietnam Veteran that entered as a boy (17 years old when he first enlisted), and had to become a man too quickly. He was awarded the Purple Heart because he was wounded in combat. To cope with PTSD and life, he abused alcohol, and eventually became a full-blow alcoholic, and not a very nice one. I think he lacked a few essential people skills, and a good education which is probably why he ended up doing what he did. He worked in a slaughterhouse. He was the one that had to kill live animals on a daily basis....I think he did mostly cows and pigs. He did this on the side too for buddies, and got paid in meat. My not growing up on a farm, or in the country, and being a "city slicker" as my Dad liked to call me, he wanted to make sure I knew where meat came from. And it is not the supermarket! I will not tell you about the time he brought home a cow fetus, or a hairball.... this post is long enough!

Seeing him come home wearing blood, and seeing a few pictures of carcasses hung from his workplace was enough for me to swear off eating meat. I felt so much empathy for those animals, and every time I would look at my dinner plate all I could see was an animal that had suffered. I remember my Dad saying that at least when he killed he would put a bullet to it's brain first, instead of just slitting their throats like some of the others. Well, really? That didn't console me much. Now I am not saying that from then on I never ate meat. On the contrary. I definitely had my weaknesses, and bacon being one of them. I think I was once quoted as saying "pork fat rules". Speaking of pig, I recall a time when I was about 6-7 and I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and I slipped and fell on pig shit! My Dad was holding a pig in our bathroom (we lived in a 3rd floor apartment) to save him a trip because he was killing it the next day (and no, not in the house!). I will never, ever forget that night! So when I declared that I was no longer eating meat, my Dad forbade me. He forbade me from being a vegetarian! I guess it was an insult to his "profession". I probably just gave my portion to my brother, or dropped it on the floor for the cats. Either way I didn't eat meat for awhile, but there are specific meat eating moments I recall as clear as yesterday; bacon pizza at Pizza Hut in the Lincoln Mall when I was in Junior High, eating the Hickory Farms Beef Stick on the bus ride home from the Lincoln Mall, the skin of the turkey at Thanksgiving. I guess my real weakness is grease, not meat. OH, WAIT! When I was pregnant with my first daughter I ordered a bacon cheeseburger at D'Angelo's, and went to The Pines a few times for the Black Diamond steak....what a mother does for her child. I thought I was having Rosemary's baby!

So let's back-track a bit. I was definitely a full-blown vegetarian in my late high school days and college years. Then I met my now husband in 1997. He was a meat-eater, and not picky at all and I eventually started eating fish, chicken, and ground turkey....blessing my food always and thanking it profusely for it's sacrifice (I am a recovering Catholic). I'm sure I rationalized it some how. Fish don't have feelings, birds are dumb, and I need my protein. I still couldn't eat cow if you paid me (or I got pregnant lol). Now fast forward to about 3 years ago. My husband came home and said that he doesn't think he can eat meat anymore! I was like, what? Why? Then he said, "You got to me, finally." When actually, he went to lunch that day, ordered a steak sandwich, and it was too much flesh for is liking. He was turned off ever since. And so I slid quite comfortably back into my vegetarian lifestyle.

However, I am now still cooking those damn chicken nuggets, and hotdogs for my kids. This is a dilemma of sorts, I guess. I, like my father, make sure they know what they are eating, and when they finally get it, my meal time will hopefully be less chaotic....one can only hope.

Down the road I go, and it isn't easy but it is a choice I must make. If my main motivation is to end animal suffering, or not take part in it, then I must admit that the dairy industry is just as bad if not worse than the meat industry. Think about it. The Mama Cow, we'll call her Bessie, gets pregnant, has a calf, and it is taken from her. If the calf is a male it is turned into veal, if it is a female it too becomes part of the milk production industry. They do not live their lives happily, they are simply exploited for their product that we are so dependent on. It's not like the old days where they graze in vast pastures on nice farms. Agriculture is now industrial to feed the masses. That means high production, which means messing with Nature, using hormones and steroids. When the cow is no longer producing babies or milk, she is slaughtered like the rest, by someone worse than my father. I can only imagine how desensitized these people must be to have to kill on a daily basis for a paycheck. There is a lot of information out there. This industry is also the biggest polluter, and the numbers are staggering. All the feed we feed the cattle, could feed the world... I am not making this up. People choose ignorance, but I can't do that any more. I am putting my grilled cheese down.

I am not on a soap box, and I am not trying to get anyone to be like me. I am simply putting it out there so that I will have more motivation and accountability to follow through. I know it won't be easy, but I hope that once I detox, I will no longer crave the melted stuff, full of pus that came from a Bessie that was raped of her child.

Peace, Love, and Veganase
Stacie