Leo just turned six weeks old on Saturday, so yes, it’s taken me a while to get around to writing up our birth story, but it’s been a busy time.

The Induction

Leo was very big.  His ultrasound estimates were putting him at 5 kg (11 lbs), so the doctors wanted to induce before I was full term.  At 37 weeks, I went into hospital for an induction and three days later, I checked out, still pregnant. It was three days of contractions,  afterward I was exhausted and disappointed.

A week later, I went in for a second induction. The first time I had been given the medication orally, which they planned to start out with the second time, but I asked for the medication in gel form to be put on my cervix.  Within a few hours, I was getting nice strong contractions and my cervix had started dilating. I was in labor.

A Bad Reaction to Pain Medication

The midwife on duty wanted to give me some pain medication to help me sleep, so I could get some rest before the big show.  One of the side effects was possible nausea, and I raised objections, since I was already pretty nauseous from HG, which I’d suffered from the whole pregnancy.  She said not to worry about it, gave me the injection and sent me back to my room.  By the time I’d gotten to my room, one floor up from the delivery area, I was dizzy.  I made a quick trip to the bathroom to prepare for bed, and by the time I got in bed, the room was spinning.  I vomited several times and got no rest that night.  I felt miserable and don’t recommend this type of pain medication for anyone suffering from HG.  Feeling the contractions would have been much more restful.

Getting the Epidural

By late morning, things had progressed enough for me to stay down in the delivery area.  I was given an enema (I recommend these, they aren’t that uncomfortable and you don’t have to worry about pooping during the birth), then the anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural.  It was the same doctor that had done my epidural for Oliver’s birth, and the insertion of the catheter into my spinal column had gone really well that time, so I had no worries.  I scrunched up, which is very uncomfortable when you’ve got a big belly and are having contractions, but I figured it’d be done in no time.  It took 6 tries to get the catheter in.  Every doctor and midwife who saw me afterward said it looked like someone had used my back as a pin cushion.  I don’t think it was the anesthesiologist’s fault, my back is a mess, but in hindsight, this was the worst part of the birthing process, much more painful than the birth itself.

The Birth

Because of his size, the doctor was worried about injury to Leo’s shoulders during the birth.  In fact, I had been offered the choice between being induced and getting a c-section.  There weren’t any openings for a non-emergency c-section for several days though, so I chose to be induced immediately.  At this point in the birth however, I asked the doctor if it was too late to change my mind. He said it’s never too late.

Around 7pm, my cervix was fully dilated.  At the same time, there was an emergency c-section and both gynecologists were in the operating room, so the anesthesiologist came in to my delivery room to help out.  The midwife manipulated my legs to help Leo make his way through the birth canal while I pushed.  Within a few minutes, the birth was over.

Saturday evening, thirty  hours after I started getting contractions, Leo was born, weighing in at 4510 grams (almost 9 lbs, 15 oz).

A Scary Beginning

I looked down and saw that Leo was limp and purple.  He wasn’t breathing at first and was immediately whisked off to the pediatrician.  His 5 minute Apgar score was good, so there was really nothing to worry about, but all I could think about was that I wanted my baby.

He was doing well, but was put into the newborn station for observation for his first 3 days.  It drove me a little crazy to be apart from him, but I was having trouble with my right leg, so I was kept busy with my own issues.

It seems while Leo was being born, his head knocked my lower vertebrae out of alignment and irritated some of the nerves in my pelvis, so for the first few days, my right leg was numb and tingly (like when your leg falls asleep), and weak.  I was seen by a neurologist and got an MRI done of my leg and pelvis, which ruled out anything permanent.  At six weeks postpartum, I’m getting sharp, stabbing pains in my back.  My leg tires out quickly and the sole of my foot still gets numb occasionally.  It doesn’t sound like it, but I am making progress.

The End of HG

I had read accounts that as soon as women suffering HG to the end had given birth, their nausea was gone.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for me.  The nausea improved day by day.  Two days after the birth, I was able to go without anti-nausea medication.  I got a bit motion sick in the car on the way to the neurologist, but managed without the medication.  By four days postpartum, the nausea was completely gone.  My husband asked me how I was feeling that morning and when I answered, “Okay,” he said that it was the first time in 8 months that I hadn’t said, “Terrible.”

A Difficult Homecoming

On Tuesday after the birth, we were released, and as soon as we got home, we heard that my father-in-law was not doing well.  Rainer and Oliver jumped in the car within an hour of Leo and my homecoming and made the five hour trip to my in-laws.  My father-in-law passed away that evening.

It wasn’t an ideal start as a big brother for Oliver, with us bringing the baby home and then “sending him away,” but it couldn’t be helped.  Once he was back, he ignored the baby.  It took two weeks before he wanted to touch or kiss the baby.  Now he’s a great big brother though.  If Leo is crying, Oliver is very concerned and tells me to hurry up because the baby is sad.  He gives the baby a kiss when he leaves for day care and when I pick him up, and at bed time.  He’s very gentle and thoughtful towards Leo.  I try to have one-on-one time with him as much as I can, which isn’t a lot, but as Leo gets older, he’ll be able to have mom’s attention more and more.

Interestingly, with Oliver’s birth, I had a lot of trouble remembering much of the details, but with Leo’s birth, I can remember every little thing.  Perhaps it was because Oliver’s birth was more painful and traumatic (Leo’s went pretty smoothly and I didn’t even have to cry out once), or maybe because it’s my second time around.

Have you found you can remember one birth better than another?

You may also be interested in reading:

• Waiting for the Birth (6)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)

It is summer, which means travel time in our home. In the past, we have flown with our car seat and go-go-kidz, which I still love and lend out to my friends quite frequently. Now that The Boy (TB) is getting bigger, however, I decided to invest in acar seat cover and CARES system. I use the cover and check the car seat, which is usually free.

Early on, I held off because I thought the curve of the seat would be uncomfortable for TB, but I have to admit, I love the CARES system, and so does my son.

When we boarded, I quickly slipped the main portion around the seat, and then looped the harness through his seatbelt. It took very little time, and we were able to board as a family instead of separately. (We normally tried to have one parent board with the car seat and the second board later with TB.) The harness and strap were easy to adjust.

CARES fits kids 22 to 44 pounds, which makes it a great addition for children on the airplane. It is also nice during layovers, because the system folds back up in to his six inch sack. At a meer one pound, it is a great travel companion.

The picture I am posting is slightly misleading. I snapped this picture prior to take-off, and when I looked at my son in it, I realized that the portion that attaches to the seat back was not low enough. We also further tightened the harness to fit his slight frame. According to the installation instructions, the red strap should be just above a child’s shoulders.

The CARES system is available for purchase in the US ($74.95) and UK.

(This post is cross-posted at www.piecesofmymind.com.)

You may also be interested in reading:

• What’s in My Carry-On? (2)
• Time change and a toddler (6)
• The BVS Top Ten Toys of 2008 (0)
• Mr. Bobbles Travel Crib Sheets (4)
• Making Travel Easier (5)

On Friday, I hit 39 weeks pregnant and will be checking back in to the hospital for a second attempt at inducing labor.  The first attempt, last week, was unsuccessful.

I’m still dealing with nausea from HG, although it has eased up a bit.  If I don’t go anywhere and take it easy, I can manage with two 50mg tablets of dimenhydrinate, but I still get incredibly motion sick in the car and have to take an addition two if I want to go anywhere.

Because the baby is so big, the doctors wanted to induce at 37 weeks.  We ended up waiting until last Wednesday to check in to the hospital for the induction.  I knew there was a possibility that it wouldn’t work, but was hopeful.  The first day of medication gave me fairly light, regular contractions, which built over the second day to being pretty strong contractions every 2 minutes by the second evening.  When the doctors examined me, however, my cervix hadn’t lowered or effaced at all and as soon as the medication ran out, the contractions would begin to subside.

I came home Friday, still having strong contractions about every half hour, but they gradually stopped and there have been nothing more than Braxton-Hicks contractions since.

I felt decent Friday morning, but by Friday evening I felt the two days of contractions in every muscle in my body (and most painfully in my cervix, which I’m sure was battered and swollen after two days of being pressed upon by the baby’s head).  Even my arms and legs were sore, which I found surprising.  I had problems sitting and standing and even rolling over in bed, on Saturday, but by Sunday I was feeling well enough to venture out for a large ice cream sundae (although I demanded an ice cream shop that we could park directly in front of - no walking for me!).

I’m back to “normal” now, I suppose, and feel ready to give it another go.  The doctors all tell me this time should work, that the second induction is almost always successful when the first fails.  I’m not sure what will happen if it doesn’t work.  The OBGYNs at the hospital say they won’t let the pregnancy go beyond my due date.  The baby’s head size is off the charts, so I’m a little nervous and hoping the birth won’t be too difficult and I’ll have a quick recovery.

I hope you’ll keep me in your thoughts on Friday and this weekend and that I’ll have some great news to share next week.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Leo’s Birth Story (0)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)

I had thought I was improving. I’ve thrown up a couple of times since my last update (when I had gone almost a month without vomiting), but I have been doing a lot more recently.  I had thought that my increased activity meant I was doing better, but I went back and reread all my postings on living with hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive nausea and vomiting in pregnancy), and found that I’ve been steadily increasing my dosage of anti-nausea medicine when I had thought I was taking the same amount now as I was back in January.

Now I think my body has just adjusted to the side effect of fatigue that I, at first, had with dimenhydrinate (aka Dramamine), allowing me to take enough to be somewhat active.  In January, I wrote that I was taking 2-3 50mg tablets a day.  Now I’m taking 5-6 on good days, up to 8 a day on bad days.

I can generally manage doing stuff like going shopping, or maybe some light housework or gardening every other day, with a day of rest needed in between to recuperate.  I’m managing to cook most of the time, so I’m off my steady diet of ready-to-make meals (thank goodness!), but I still can’t drive more than a mile or so and get really motion sick in cars (despite 5-6 Dramamine a day!).

The baby continues to be very large.  I was a large baby, so the docs think it’s just genetic (I was born at 36 weeks and was 8lbs, 4oz).  They’re planning to induce me at 37 weeks because the baby is so big (it’s estimated at 8 lbs right now).  I’m really looking forward to an end to the nausea and fatigue and motion sickness.  I can’t wait to have my freedom and mobility back (something I think most new moms aren’t thinking when it comes to giving birth, but that’s HG for you).  I’m looking forward to not being dependent on others pretty much all the time and being able to get back to being myself.  So, unless the doctors change their minds, I’ve only got 3.5 weeks to go.  The end is in sight.  Phew!

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• Leo’s Birth Story (0)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)

I thought for Earth Day 2010, I’d highlight some of our previous reviews and posts having to do with living greener. If you’re looking for more ideas on how to live greener, check out my 15 easy tips for going green and saving money.  I’d also like to recommend a couple of books for newbies (more experienced environmentalists will probably not get a lot out of these books, but they are nice to have as a reference):

• Do One Green Thing: Saving the Earth Through Simple, Everyday Choices - this is a good book if you’re new to green living and aren’t sure where to start.
• Easy Green Living: The Ultimate Guide to Simple, Eco-Friendly Choices for You and Your Home - this book introduced me to cleaning with essential oils.  It has great tips, but you can also find these tips on the internet.
• If you live in Germany like me, I’d recommend 50 einfache Dinge, die Sie tun können, um die Welt zu retten und wie Sie dabei Geld sparen, which gives lots of tips that are more geared towards life in Germany.

And now, here are some of our past posts:

• Book Review: Maybe One - on the case for having smaller family sizes
• Magic Nuudles - Toys made from cornstarch
• Green Toys - A San Fransisco-based eco-friendly toy company
• Eco-Paint - Eco-friendly fingerpaints
• Eco-dough is an Eco-do! - Eco-friendly play dough
• The Mooncup Reusable Menstrual Cup - a way to stop contributing tampons and pads to landfills
• Crayon Rocks rock our world! -easy to hold, edible,  soy crayons
• Goldi pacifier - a pacifier made of pure, renewable rubber that is toxin-free

Do you have any tips you’d like to share?

You may also be interested in reading:

• Book Review – Maybe One (2)
• Magic Nuudles (2)
• Green Toys (1)
• Goldi Pacifier (5)
• Finding an acceptable balance bike (9)

Before getting pregnant, I’d always heard about “that pregnancy glow.” Little did I know that the “pregnancy glow” is caused by increased oil production due to hormone fluctuations. For women who have oily or combination skin, pregnancy can mean a return of acne like you haven’t dealt with since high school.  For some women, pregnancy can be the first time they’ve had to fight acne.

There are a lot of wives’ tales about how to deal with acne, as a clinical trial statistician, I thought I’d help weed through those tales and give you some tips on what has actually been proven to work.

First, you need to know what you are dealing with.  Blackheads (open comedones) and whiteheads (closed comedones or milia) are caused by oil trapped in clogged pores.  Blackheads are exposed to air, causing the clog to oxidize, while whiteheads are covered over with skin.  Pimples are clogged pores where bacteria has entered the clog and is feeding on the oil and dead skin cells, causing pain and irritation.

The main thing needed to fight acne is gentle cleansing and exfoliation.  Harsh cleansing and exfoliation can actually increase oil production in the skin, causing the acne to worsen.  Many cleansers claiming to fight acne actually contain irritating ingredients to make them “feel” like they are working.  Skin care products should not cause your skin to tingle, that isn’t a sign it is working, that is a sign that your skin is irritated.  After cleansing, your skin should feel clean and normal, not dry, tight, or tingly.

Everyone reacts differently to ingredients, but common skincare ingredients that are irritating include: ethanol, denatured alcohol, ethyl alcohol, methanol, benzyl alcohol, isopropyl alcohol, sd alcohol, ascorbic acid, camphor, eucalyptus, menthol and peppermint.

Another common misconception is that eating chocolate causes acne.  There is no evidence to back this up, but there is some recent evidence that high glycemic index foods may increase acne.  If you find excluding a certain food works for you, then it may be possible that you have a sensitivity to that food.

Eating well and staying hydrated improves skin function, which can have an affect on acne, so it is important to drink enough water and eat a healthy balanced diet high in antioxidant rich foods.

Recommended skin care routine:

1. Use a gentle, water-soluble cleanser. I recommend using cleansers formulated for sensitive skin rather than for oily or acne-prone skin, as they tend to not include irritating or harsh ingredients.  I don’t recommend bar soaps, as the ingredients used to keep the soap in bar form can clog pores.  A few cleansers I recommend are: Boots Expert Sensitive Gentle Cleansing Wash, Olay Foaming Face Wash for Sensitive Skin, Paula’s Choice One Step Facial Cleanser for Normal to Oily/Combination Skin, and The Body Shop Aloe Gentle Face Wash for Sensitive Skin.  These aren’t the only good cleansers out there, look for fragrance- and dye-free cleansers without irritating ingredients.  If you have body acne, use a wash cloth to wash the affected areas morning and evening.
2. Exfoliate. Topical scrubs are often harsh, look for a gentle one, or just gently massage skin with a damp washcloth.  BHAs, or salicylic acids, are the best chemical exfoliants for acne-prone skin.  Some people may be concerned because BHAs are related to aspirin (which is verboten during pregnancy), but the amount absorbed through the skin into the blood stream is negligible.  I like Paula’s Choice 2% Beta Hydroxy Acid Liquid because you can buy a pump spray from the site to screw onto the bottle, allowing you to spray the liquid onto hard to reach areas like the back.
3. Topical disinfectant. There is no need to use a topical disinfectant if you only have blackheads or whiteheads, since there is no bacteria involved in these blockages, but if you are fighting pimples, you will want to include a topical disinfectant in your skin care regime.  Benzoyl peroxide and tea tree oil have both been shown to effectively disinfect the skin, with benzoyl peroxide being found more effective than tea tree oil.
4. Remove blockages. Gently removing blackheads, whiteheads and pimples manually is pretty much the only way of quickly getting rid of them.  The key word in that sentence is gently.  You can get a facial from a licensed esthetican who does extractions.  You can also buy a comedone extractor tool to do this yourself at home, or you can cover two fingertips with tissues and gently squeeze the pore to release the blockage.  Just be sure not to be too overzealous removing blockages.  If it doesn’t budge with gentle pressure, it should not be removed.  You don’t want to damage the surrounding skin or cause an infection in the pore.
5. Sun exposure. One of the treatments German doctors recommended for fighting acne is 15 minutes of unprotected sun exposure every day until the acne gets under control.  Light therapy is a legitimate treatment for acne, although in the US, it is generally done with lasers.  During my last pregnancy, while gentle cleansing and exfoliation helped, it wasn’t until I tried the sun exposure treatment that I completely rid myself of body acne.  Germany is at a fairly northern latitude, so if you live nearer the equator, I would recommend lowering the time of unprotected sun exposure. Only you can decide if you’re willing to risk sun exposure.  Personally, I felt, given that I am of southeast Asian descent, have a medium skin tone, don’t burn hardly at all, and given the limited time I would be doing it (just a few weeks), that it was an acceptable risk for me.

For advice fighting non-pregnancy related outbreaks, there are other options available, I would recommend reading Paula Begoun’s advice on fighting acne at any age.  She also has a great blog post on how to correctly pop a pimple.

Are you dealing with acne?  Do you have any advice?

You may also be interested in reading:

• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)

I haven’t thrown up in 24 days!

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, I have been suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum this pregnancy (I didn’t have it with my first), which causes excessive nausea and vomiting.

I had thought that a lot of the fatigue I felt must be caused by lack of nutrition, but it’s apparently a separate symptom entirely, because I still am pretty tired all the time and don’t have a lot of energy or endurance.  I also still have plenty of nausea and dry heave regularly.  I’ve tried seeing if I can cut down on the amount of anti-nausea medicine I’m taking, but I haven’t been able to lower my dosage at all.  The motion sickness is still there, and I still wouldn’t trust myself to drive further than my local supermarket (which is walking distance, but would be a long walk, okay well, not walking distance for me right now, but when I was healthy).

Following the drastic 20 pound weight loss of the first trimester, I’m now gaining weight and am currently 16 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  I think my body must be in post-famine mode, because I am always hungry.  I can eat a huge meal and an hour later I’m hungry again.  I’m craving fatty, high calorie foods, and I was pretty shocked to find out that between my doctor’s visit this morning and the visit two weeks ago, I actually lost 2 pounds, because I feel like I should have gained at least 5!

The baby is huge.  I know ultrasound measurements aren’t super accurate, but the average fetus is 2.5 pounds (1.13 kg) at 29 weeks and this baby is being estimated at 5.5 pounds (2.5 kg).  It’s measuring overall at 34-35 weeks.  I’m being monitored for gestational diabetes, but my pre- and post-eating blood sugar levels have been fine over the whole pregnancy, as has my blood pressure (averaging 90/60) and my hemoglobin A1c test (plasma glucose concentration over 3 months), which turned out well within normal levels.  The levels of amniotic fluid are good too, another indicator against gestational diabetes.  My doctor says she’s not worried because the baby is big overall, not just carrying a lot of extra weight in the abdomen.  Maybe this means he’ll be born a few weeks early?  I can hope, right?  (Just in case you wonder if the estimate of ovulation is off, I was using an ovulation monitor when we conceived and know the exact date of ovulation, plus early ultrasounds all matched with that date).

I’m finally feeling like the end is in sight, and that, along with the coming of spring, has lifted my spirits considerably.  I still spend a lot of time in bed, but at least I’m not all that miserable anymore.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 23 Update (11)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)
• Leo’s Birth Story (0)

I thought for my 26-week pregnancy update, I’d tell the story of how, because of hyperemesis gravidarum, Oliver and I ended our breastfeeding relationship.

While much of the first six months of breastfeeding Oliver was spent trying to make it week to week, I always had the WHO guideline of breastfeeding for at least two years as a goal in the back of my mind.  When he turned two in July of 2009, neither of us were ready to quit.  Oliver was still quite dependent on breastfeeding for comfort, and I was happy to continue.

When I got pregnant again in September of 2009, breastfeeding started to become uncomfortable as my nipples got more and more sensitive.  Oliver was still nursing frequently, so I kept going, keeping in mind the difficulty I had getting my supply going in the beginning with Oliver because of his sleepiness and BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction surgery).  I knew that if I had trouble with breastfeeding this baby, I wouldn’t have to spend hours a day pumping to get my supply up if I had a toddler, a nursing toddler is way more efficient at increasing supply than any pump.

Unfortunately, first trimester morning sickness progressed to hyperemesis gravidarum (excessive nausea and vomiting) and I cut back a lot on breastfeeding sessions as I became fatigued by my lack of nutrition.  By the end of October, my supply was gone.  I wasn’t getting enough calories to produce milk anymore.

I don’t remember when our last nursing session was.  I was too exhausted to notice.  Oliver took well to weaning.  If he asked, I told him I didn’t feel well enough, but he didn’t really ask a lot.  Since then he has only asked once or twice, when he was sick and feverish.  He said, “Booby?” and I said, “No honey, I’m sorry,” and that was that.  There was no disappointment on his part, just acceptance.  I was a little surprised by the ease of weaning, given how dependent on breastfeeding he had seemed.

I don’t really have any feelings on weaning.  There was nothing I could do about it.  I guess I wish I remembered that last time, but I know a lot of moms don’t remember the last breastfeeding session.

We cuddle a lot, as much as when we were breastfeeding.  His favorite place to sit is in my lap, we’ll have to see how that goes as my lap gets smaller and smaller.

Apart from that, not much has changed in my condition.  I’m still tired and nauseous almost all the time.  I’ve been trying to do more recently, and that has caused me to vomit more than I had been over the last couple of weeks.  I’m trying to stay positive, but mood swings sometimes get the best of me.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Pumping (3)
• Breastfeeding After Reduction: One Year In (13)
• Breastfeeding After Reduction Surgery – 19 months and counting (5)
• Breastfeeding after reduction – 2 years and still going strong (3)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)

Yesterday, I hit 23 weeks pregnant.  Just over halfway.  For most of that 23 weeks, I’ve been suffering from the excessive nausea and vomiting that goes along with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG. It doesn’t feel possible that I’m only half way through.  It feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever.  This has easily been the longest five months of my life.

Luckily, the vomiting I described in my first post about living with HG has lessened quite a bit.  I’m not sure if it’s lessened on its own or if I just have it under control now with medication.  In the first trimester, the of nausea and vomiting of HG caused me to lose 20 pounds. While at home with my family for the first half of the second trimester (first six weeks), I managed to gain 29 pounds, but my weight has been constant over the 3 weeks since returning to Germany.  Being surrounded by family to help out and having a mom cooking for you all the time helps a lot with weight gain.

I’m still taking the antiemetic dimenhydrinate, the active ingredient in Dramamine. I take about 100-150mg (the equivalent of 2-3 Dramamine a day, 2 is a good day), which is down quite a bit from the 400mg I was taking at the worst of the nausea. While I’m vomiting less (maybe once a week), I’m still dealing with excessive nausea and exhaustion, pushing myself physically usually ends in tears and 5-10 minutes of dry heaving.

This inability to push myself physically has me worried how I will handle the birth.  I guess women have had babies after months of bed rest before, so I’ll manage to do what I have to do, but it worries me a lot that I’m not going in to this as prepared as I should be.  One flight of stairs is hard, two flights of stairs is my limit, any more than that and the tears start flowing.  On flat surfaces, I can usually manage 15-30 minutes of walking, depending on how slowly I go.  I know this is far from ideal shape to be in prior to giving birth.  But I guess I have four months to go still, maybe things will get better.

I forgot to mention in the last post, one of the symptoms that often goes hand in hand with the excessive nausea of HG, extreme motion sickness.  Car rides require doping up with anti-nausea medicine, making it impossible for me to drive any sort of distance.  I can make it to my local supermarket, and that’s as far as I would trust myself to go.  When I was in the US, I couldn’t make it to the nearest outlet mall on the first try (this was just before my husband left at the beginning of January).  We stopped halfway, went to a regular mall, where I spent most of the time sitting in the food court, then headed home.  I did manage to make it there with my brother shortly before returning to Germany.  Depending on people to drive you anywhere is frustrating.

The motion sickness even occurs with television and movies.  I went to see “It’s Complicated” in the US and had to close my eyes for much of the last 20 minutes because I wasn’t feeling well.  I didn’t go anywhere near “Avatar,” I figured that would not go well.  Any television show with quick cuts or a lot of motion is off limits as well.

I’m still struggling with feeling socially isolated as well.  At home I was surrounded by family, with my mother and brother even calling from work every day just to check if I was okay or needed anything.  It’s very lonely in Germany where friends have their own lives, families to care for, and problems to deal with.

I try to put on a brave face to the world, but sometimes I wonder if this is the best thing for me to do.  Maybe the brave face makes people think that everything’s hunky dory, when in fact I’m usually just barely hanging on.  Asking for help is maybe one of the hardest things for someone in need to do.  I don’t want to bother anyone, but sometimes even just an occasional phone call to chitchat or gossip would mean the world.

Facebook has been both a Godsend and a torture device. I can communicate with friends around the world and see what everyone is up to on there, making me feel like I’m still in the loop, still a part of the world, but seeing what everyone is up to is a problem as well.  I see that my friends are meeting up at a café, getting together for playdates, or just referring to a fun night spent hanging out, and I throw myself a little pity party because HG has made so I’m not up to joining in the fun. 

I don’t really know what else to say.  I want to post something uplifting, for others going through my situation, but I just don’t feel it in my heart.  HG is hard.  The hardest thing I’ve ever been through.  I know when I see my baby that I’ll feel it was all worth it, that these months were just a small fraction of my life, years from now I will probably barely remember this time, but it’s hard to feel that now.

I just keep in mind that there are a lot of other women in my same situation. We’re not alone.  And at the end of this, we’ll have something beautiful.  There are a lot worse things that people go through than this, and we should try to keep that in mind.

If you’re suffering from HG, hang in there, and check out Hyperemesis Education and Research website.

You may also be interested in reading:

• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 33 Update (2)
• Struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG): Week 29 Update (3)
• When it’s not just morning sickness: Living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (17)
• Leo’s Birth Story (0)
• Waiting for the Birth (6)

An old friend of mine just sent a link around to this MotherStyles quiz and I found it really interesting. It’s a Myers-Briggs type quiz analyzing your mothering/parenting style.  Turns out I’m an INTP mom, or a “Love of Learning” mom, who excels at calmness, and fostering independence and love of learning, but struggles with routine and order.  I think that’s pretty accurate, and if I remember correctly, my Myers-Briggs type is INTP as well.

What’s your mothering style?

You may also be interested in reading:

• The SAH vs. working parent debate (18)
• My thoughts on being a stay at home mom (8)
• Cultural Differences in Parenting (15)
• Book Review: Punished by Rewards (4)
• Book Review: Little Earthquakes (1)