I loved that the moms were dedicated to breastfeeding and had a tough time getting started.  Breastfeeding is difficult at first and nobody seems to want to tell pregnant women this.  I remember thinking that I would just know what to do when the baby was there and everything would be perfect.  Wrong.  This book doesn’t perpetuate that myth.  The women struggle and are ultimately successful.  There is also baby-wearing by several of the characters and one co-sleeps.

The moms struggle with what it means to be a mom, and with the readjustment needed when your family goes from two to three, and how that can grow (or cause difficulties with) your relationship with your spouse.  While none of their lives were wholly realistic (this is chick-lit, afterall), I found aspects of all their lives that I could relate to, or knew people who were in similar situations.

It’s not great literature, but I found it to be an entertaining, quick, summer read.  I enjoyed it so much I immediately ordered Jennifer Weiner’s first novel, Good in Bed, about a plus-size woman whose ex-boyfriend starts writing a column for a women’s magazine about his sex life with a “larger” woman.  I was disappointed, it was really far-fetched, but fans of chick-lit may like it.

Do you have any suggestions of a good novel involving parenting?

A warning for some readers, there are situations in the book that some people may not want to read about…*SPOILER ALERT*…the death of a child and infidelity by a spouse.

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My daughter is just over 30 months old now and goes to daycare three mornings a week. In September she will start going to Kindergarten every morning. She has to be dry and clean by then. This is one of my Kindergarten’s rules.

So, when the daycare said; just before Easter weekend; that they would start taking the nappy off once she gets there in the mornings, after Easter, we decided to take the challenge up ourselves! I ordered a book called Potty Training in one week by a British Childcare Author called Gina Ford. Now, I have to be honest and say that I did actually think that we could do it in one week! My husband was to be home from the Thursday through to the Monday, with my daughter home from the Wednesday afternoon through to the Tuesday evening after… We read the book and I thought and still think it is a good guide.

Gina Ford gives advice to start thinking of toilet training a toddler once they are 18 months old. She does state not to start before they show the signs and levels of ability that would indicate if the toddler is ready for potty/toilet training. These are:

1. He/she is over 18 months of age
2. His/her nappy is often dry when he/she gets up from a nap or when the nappy stays dry for a couple of hours.
3. He/she is aware when doing a poo. Look out for things like a toddler going very quiet or starting to concentrate on nothing definite; pointing to his/her nappy or says poo or pee pee once he/she has done it.
4. He/she can understand and follow simple instructions.
5. He/she is eager to participate in taking off his/her own clothes and understands what pulling up or down means.
6. Can point to body parts when you name them.
7. He/she has the ability to sit still and occupy him-/herself for 5 to ten minutes with a toy, book or a video.

Gina say to not start training if your toddler does not show all these signs. Also, don’t start training your toddler if you are moving within a few weeks or having another baby or if any life changing things may happen in your household.  And do not potty train your toddler on holiday!

Furthermore  Gina Ford advices to put time apart for specifically training your toddler and not having any other obligations or commitments. To limit outings at least the first few days and to try not to use the telephone.

This is why we decided to potty train our daughter straight away. She showed all the signs and it was summer so we thaught she would not get too cold if she was wet and it would be less clothes to wash! Less layers to pull up and down for her also. As number two is on the way it would also be a good idea to get our daughter trained well in advance of the baby being born and her starting kindergarten.

We got the potty, we got the toilet seat and I also found Gina Ford’s advice on getting some other things ready very helpful. These were:

1. Two potties, that is if you have two bathrooms… Keep them handy and you don’t have to rush around… (Get your toddler to pick them)
2. Child’s toilet seat. These are designed to fit onto normal toilet seats but makes the set smaller for little bottoms… (I once forgot to put the seat on the toilet for my daughter… poor girl sunk well down into the toilet bowl! She was ok and dry, but I felt really bad about it but happy that I had just cleaned the toilet!)
3. A Cushion covered with a polythene bag and then a removable cover (I used a old folded towel) to use in the pushchair or car seat or when every you are going out… In case of accidents! Gina says that if you make it a special cushion, the child is less likely to think of it as a safety net and more likely to try to keep it dry… Well, my daughter never needed it until now…
4. Eight pairs of underpants and shorts - basically eight changes of clothes - per day!!! Elasticated is best and wide enough for toddler hands to pull down. Gina advises not using pull-up nappies as this may confuse toddlers… So I went for the eight pairs… Remember to only use easy clothing too. No vests with poppers or dungarees or trousers with belts! Speed in taking clothes off is important!
5. Books, video’s, stickers, small toys. Anything that you can keep together and that would occupy your child for a length of time. I found that things my daughter has not seen or played with for a while was better. Keeping these away and offering one item at a time is good too. My daughter got confused if she had too much at a time so she lost interest all together.
6. A star chart. A star for a use of the potty and a big star for several times because your toddler is so clever… This did not interest my daughter at all! We had to use a different method for making her feel she had done something special… More about this later.
7. Face cloths for drying small hands on. This is easier for toddlers to use. If they are printed with cartoons or something your toddler like, even better.
8. A Booster step to help short legs reach the loo seat. Be careful choosing this. I got just the first one I could find, but it was far from high enough! My daughter is quite tall and I would not say our toilet is high, but she could not reach! In the end I gave her the ”Tummy Tub Two step stool” I had gotten together with the “Tummy Tub” for baby number two. This works perfect as it even has two heights. She likes it for its bright design and it has storage for a special toy…
9. Two buckets. One for wet clothes - filled with cold, soapy water. The other filled with lukewarm water and a bit of mild disinfectant to clean any misses.
10. A towel kept under the potty and around the potty was useful to me.
11. I kept several pieces of cloth available to dry up any misses.
12. Wet wipes, baby wipes or even better flush able toilet wipes designed for toddlers as well as facial tissues for wiping little bottoms.

We started with taking our daughter with us to the loo and letting her sit on the potty with her clothes and nappy on. We allowed her to watch as we demonstrated what happens and we described what we did. We used simple language, not using complicated words. It helped using words other people use too and that she may have heard before.

Then we started showing her what wet and dry was. Letting her play with wet and dry clothes and telling her when she was making a cloth wet with water etc. Just chatting to our daughter when we were doing every day things like washing and drying our hands helped.

It didn’t take our daughter long to understand these things. She quickly wanted her nappy off when sitting on the potty. Although nothing happened most of the times, we moved on to stage two - this is when the long weekend started and my husband was at home so he could help.

On day one we just let her run around in one room. She didn’t much want to wear any clothes and we let her run around without. We kept all her favourites together and kept her occupied in the same room. This helped us not to have to run around too much with buckets and potties etc. We kind of got a little area ready for the potty with everything around it. A little throne room!!! We kept drinks at hand to give her at regular intervals.

We kept asking her if she wanted to sit on the potty and took her to the potty every 10 minutes. Sometimes she used it straight away and we made a big fuss about her being such a big girl and using the potty. Sometimes it took 10 minutes and other times she would sit there for ten minutes and get up just to wet the floor… We never got angry at her for missing the potty or getting to it too late. We never made what she did look dirty or disgusting. We tried to make her feel proud of it. Never said it was smelly or horrible. It is important not to make little ones feel they are doing something that isn’t acceptable. Using insensitive words or actions could put a toddler off using the potty.

By late in the afternoon we felt quite tired and felt that we could just not continue and needed to get fresh air. We put a nappy on our daughter and took her to the park, quite against Gina Ford’s advice of not giving up half way through as it could confuse a little toddler. As it happened, she stayed dry all the time and we got a breather.

On day two we started again. We got everything together and started giving our daughter stars for every triumph. Soon we realised she could just not be bothered by the stars, however shiny and bright they were! She started “acting out” when we took her to the potty so we read the “troubleshooting” part of the book and decided to give her a small treat for every triumph… quite against our nature… We do not believe in teaching our daughter that she would get something for being good or doing something we want her to do. This worked. Later she asked for the treat and we said only if she used the potty. Then she would ask for the treat afterwards and once she was using the potty most of the times, the treats simply ran out! This only worked because she was not used to getting treats as a normal part of her day. She really was not used to sweet treats…

By day 3 we could see a definate positive turn. Our Daughter started using the potty at regular intervals with us just reminding her to use it if she needed it. At the end of the day she was very red in the face when she forgot to go to the potty and had wet herself. Throughout training our daughter to use the potty, we would take turns at taking breaks so that neither of us got too tired or disheartened by accidents.

When it was time to go back to childcare on the Wednesday, we didn’t put a nappy on our daughter. We had put the towel in the buggy for her to sit on and it was dry by the time we got to the daycare. There they kept her out of a nappy and she was dry all day.

Since then we always kept a change of clothes and wet wipes as well as a plastic bag on hand. Sometimes we needed two changes until we got to the point of rare accidents. It was more the poo that she had a hard time with. It felt as if she just did not understand the way it had to happen. My daughter kept doing it in her pants. Not on purpose but just because she just did not understand that she had to work to get it done sometimes. She did not understand that she had to push. Maybe she was a little constipated too. So we kept an eye on her when she got quiet and when it was due to happen and took her to the toilet. Most of the times, she would sit there and get up, not doing it. Sometimes she would run to the toilet just to pass wind. Then she realised that nothing really happened… Sometimes it took two days or longer for her to have a poo. I got worried and even thaught of putting her back into nappies to see if it would help. It may in some cases help. We gave her more fruit and fibre. We limited dried apples and bananas as well as any refined foods.

Then, just a couple of days ago, her face got red again and she seemed to be beginning to do the poo in her pants again… I jumped up and asked her to go do it on the toilet. She ran to the toilet and did it on the toilet! She proudly told her dad that it had happened. Then the next day the same thing happened again. Slowly I am getting less worried that she would be dry and clean every day. Yes, our daughter still sleep with a nappy every night, but she wakes up most mornings asking for her potty. Most of the time her nappy would be dry. Some nights she would wake up asking for it. We try not to give her a big drink within two hours of her going to bed and if she has one, it would be only a sip of water. This hepls with the waking during the night as she usually slept through the night.

At the moment, our daughter still wakes up really early to use the toilet and wants us to help her. So she wakes up fully and does not go back to sleep. It does not help that it is already light outside by 5:00 in the morning… Hopefully this will change some time…

I liked having Potty Training in one Week by Gina Ford. I believe it helped us a lot. The little book is not expensive and has some really good advice. There is plenty of examples and advice for when things isn’t going to plan. Gina Ford does not guarantee potty training in one week, just says that it could be possible. Well, it didn’t happen for us, however hard we worked at it. I would refer any of my friends to the book for help with potty training.

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Bill McKibben, environmental author and educator, wrote Maybe One after he and his wife made the decision to have only one child. It is, as the subtitle describes, a case for smaller families. He is a brave writer, and one of the few I’ve read who states directly that having more babies leads to overpopulation and therefore damage to the earth. That’s sort of a no-brainer, but it’s a controversial statement. Americans, as we know, are locked in a war over reproductive rights and responsibilities. China’s one child policy remains controversial. But it’s a highly relevant discussion topic, and he handles it gracefully.

Beginning with a chapter full of research on why the stigma of being an only child is undeserved, the book brings together a bevy of facts and clinical studies along with anecdotes on small and large families. As an only, I’m biased toward the idea that having a brother or sister doesn’t create a “better” person, but it was nice to read some data that backs up my hunch. And, speaking of his bravery, McKibben brings up religion early in the book as well. He argues that the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply” and “populate the earth” is as much an order to care for those we’ve produced as it is to have babies. And, in possibly my favorite line from the book, he notes that we can probably check “populate the earth” off our to-do list. Mission: Accomplished.

The largest portion of Maybe One is devoted to environmental issues. This section wasn’t the most compelling to me, for a couple of reasons. One: Like most Americans, I will consider environmental concerns as I choose my family size, but they won’t be the sole deciding factor. I care about population density, but I care about my child and my family’s immediate happiness more (a bit of a humbling admission, but I’m doing my best to be honest). Two: I only discovered this book recently, but it was published in the late 90’s. Many of the issues discussed are either in much worse or somewhat better shape than they were ten years ago, so it seemed a bit dated. But I got the point: family size (yes, even, and sometimes especially, in Western countries) has a huge impact on the long-term health of our planet and the human race.

The book ends with the acknowledgment that this decision is as much about parents’ emotions and beliefs and hopes as it is about our planet. McKibben has kind words for large families as well as small, and strives not to alienate those who choose to have a bunch of kids. He asks only that we think carefully about it first.

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I’ve never fit into the standard Apple-Hourglass-Rectangle way of describing body shapes, so I usually just try to piece together various suggestions based on specific body parts.  Then, a couple weeks ago, friend and fellow MWW author Janda lent me The Body Shape Bible: Forget Your Size Discover Your Shape Transform Yourself.

It’s written by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine, hosts of the British series “What Not to Wear.” If you’ve seen their show, you have an idea of what to expect from this book.  If you’ve seen the American show, think of a somewhat more crass and outspoken version of Stacy and Clinton.

Instead of the usual 3 or 4 body types, this book has 12.  I didn’t immediately identify with any of the categories (and was a little confused about why the bowling pin shape was called a Skittle), but after reading the introduction and several of the body types that I thought were closest, I settled on Brick.  I hesitated at first, because Bricks are described as having broad shoulders, smaller breasts, a slight waist, narrow hips, big thighs, and no butt. While I fit the rest, I most definitely have a butt.  In the intro, Trinny and Susannah explain that you should go with the type the fits best, even if you’re missing one or two of the descriptors.  After reading through their clothing suggestion a couple times, I was sure this was me.  All their suggestions, empire waist tops, flowy skirts and pants, were things I knew looked flattering on me.

Now this book is being passed around among my group of friends and we’re all discovering that motherhood has given us new shapes and we were often judging our new bodies against the standards of our old ones. I may never get back to my old waist size, but that’s no reason to not feel sexy and attractive.  Think of what those extra couple of inches or pounds represent in our lives.  Sure it would be great to have a smaller waist, thinner arms, bigger boobs, and my son, but I’m happy to embrace my new body and recognize the amazing thing it’s done: brought a beautiful, loving child into my life.

I won’t be wearing baggy, unflattering outfits to hide my new body anymore.  Instead I’ll dress to flatter the shape I am now.

Has your body changed with motherhood?  Has it affected your body image?

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My mother and I butted heads often when I was young, but becoming a mother myself, and moving to another country, just as she did, have really given me a lot of insight into our relationship.

And what are my thoughts on motherhood this Mother’s Day? Recently while browsing the internet, I popped over to A Free Man and read his Open Letter to a SAHM.  While the article is mostly his defense of him and his wife being working parents, with a couple barbs at SAHMs, the real debate gets going in the comments section.

SAHMs get accused of wasting their education, losing contact with reality, not living fully, and turning their kids into self-centered, spoiled brats. One commentor even refers to SAHMs as Republicans who would rage at the sight of cleavage (I have no idea where that comment came from, cause most SAHMs I know are FAR from that).

Why do we need to attack each other in this way?

I always tried to be understanding of parents who made different decisions than I did, but on occasion I would have to bite my tongue about the “bad choices” I thought they were making.  With time though, and after reading Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape The Way We Parent, I’ve fully accepted that there are as many ways to raise children as there are parents, and that kids all over the world turn out fine.

There is no one right way to parent.

There are certainly wrong ways to parent: physical, emotional and sexual abuse are too common, as are neglect and endangerment, but most parents don’t do these things, most parents are trying the best that they can, and we should support them in this.

I know many stay at home parents, and I can honestly say that they are all great parents and have great kids.  I also know many working parents who put their kids in day care.  They are also all great parents and have great kids.   I thought about it a long time, and I can’t come up with anyone I know who is a “bad” parent.  (Maybe it’s because Oliver isn’t in school yet, I don’t know).

But I thought I’d address a couple of the accusations:

• You’re wasting your education - This was a difficult one for me, because for some time I wondered about whether it was true.  I wondered if, by not writing my PhD thesis, I was wasting my education.  But I enjoyed all those years in school, and that education has shaped who I am now.  If I hadn’t done it, I would be a different person, in a different place.  Just because I’m not working doesn’t mean I’m not using my education.  I use the analytical skills I learned in everything I do.
• You’re lazy - Ummm, I think anyone who has spent a day with a baby or toddler knows this isn’t true. It’s one of those terms that is thrown around as a personal attack to try an undermine the other person.  Small children require constant attention.  It is much more stressful than work ever was for me.  But I, personally, think raising my child is my most important job at the moment.  Even with older children, there’s homework to help out with, soccer practice, music lessons, and plenty of other things to fill up your day.
• You’ll be bitter - I think this is more a reflection on our mother’s and grandmother’s generation.  Women now have the choice to either stay home or work.  Back then, women had very little choice about it, they often had little power over their own lives.  That is a situation that can make you bitter.  It wasn’t about being a SAHP.
• You’re not living fully - I’m living the life that I want to live.  How would living the life YOU want to live give me a fuller life? This works the other way around too.  SAHPs should remember that, when we start to get judgmental about working parents.
• You’re losing contact with reality - I really don’t know how to address this point.  It just seems like a hurtful jab to try and question someone’s sanity.  I’m sure there are SAHPs who have lost contact with reality, but I’d guess there are just as many working parents and single people who have done so as well.
• Your kids aren’t getting socialized - All the SAHPs I know do some sort of activity that allows their kids to socialize with other kids.  We, for example, belong to a German speaking playgroup, an English speaking playgroup, have done a baby swimming course, and start a gymnastics course in the fall.  We also get together with friends with kids at least once or twice a week.
• You’ll ruin your kid if you make them the center of your universe - I think, if taken to extreme, this can be partly true, but this is also how we are set up biologically.  Look at most mothers in the animal kingdom.  When they have a baby, that baby is the focus of their life until it is old enough to be independent.  Focusing so much that you forget your own needs and feelings is overdoing it, but I think having your child as the center of your universe is normal and healthy.  I imagine parents who work have their children at the center of their universe when they are home, and keep them in mind even when they work.

I think in the end, it’s about being comfortable with the choices you make.  I think we all have occasional doubts, and we should support each other through these doubts, rather than using them as an opportunity to one-up each other.

What are you thoughts?

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So, we started the search for the next good all-rounder. We wanted something with inflatable wheels, better suspension, enough storage space and something that would be easy to use. We didn’t want to spend a lot of money, but we wanted something that would last. We were not exactly planning to have another baby at the time, but after seeing the Phil & Teds Sport in the UK, I wanted to at least look at it as an option. It won, although it doesn’t come first in all the categories…

This is the things I really like of the Phil & Teds Sport:

• The pushchair could be converted to carry two children, without making it any bigger. A double’s kit attaches to the front when the seat needs to be in the lowest position for an infant, and then to the back once the infant can sit. This additional seat could also be used to create a “bouncy chair” for kids with the addition of a separate base.

• It comes in various colours: Apple green, Black/Charcoal, Red/Charcoal, Navy/Charcoal, Beige, Pink and Blue. The Apple, Red and Blue now also come with “Graffiti” mixed colour panels and accessories.
• There is a clear plastic back for viewing the infant when in the seat is in the lower possitions and a “peek-a-boo” flap in the hood with a small storage pouch.
• It has three inflatable wheels. The tyres and tubes are readily available.
• The front wheel swivels, but can easily be locked in place when needed.
• The pushchair folds pretty flat with the push of a button
• All wheels remove from the chassis with the push of a button, allowing the buggy to fold even smaller: 77cm X 51cm X 23cm
• The buggies’ handlebar height can be adjusted – my husband is pretty tall, so this is handy
• The seat in its highest upright position sits nice and comfy, but it can recline completely flat.
• There are great accessories available – The double’s kit, Sleeping bag/ cosy toes, a custom fit rain cover and UV Shade (also for double), Several different liners, Attachments to convert the pushchair into a travel system, storage bags and a baby carrier/cocoon.
• As my daughter is pretty tall for her age, we needed something that would clear her head with enough room when we put the “hood” up. Maybe not so much when she sits in the second seat on top…
• It can be used for kids up to the age of 5 – heaviest child always in top seat…
• There is a 5 point harness on both buggy and double’s kit for safety and a bumper bar, making the buggy quite safe.
• The pushchair manoeuvres really easily, even with one hand.
• The pushchair is very manual. The seat positions is adjusted with zippers and safety clips. There are few that could go wrong.
• Spare parts are readily available
• The buggy comes at a very good price in comparison with other higher end brands. Roughly 680 euro; without accessories; although I have seen them selling for less.

Now, there are a newer version of the Phil & Teds on the market; with lots of great advantages; called the Vibe. I really like this one! It has a more modern build and other great accessories, but I just could not bring myself to splash out on this one. The fact that it only comes in Red, Black and Charcoal, didn’t entice me any further… My old pushchair was Red and Black – I was tired of this combination!
Unfortunately, there are some things I just have to live with:

• This pushchair has a steel  frame, making it pretty heavy: it weighs 10.5kg, without accessories
• The foot break is pretty stiff – I have managed to kick myself quite hard, taking it off! Wearing sandals, I take it off with my hand.
• The footrest is covered in the same fabric as the seat, so it gets dirty very easily.
• The buggie’s front wheel is a bit “clanky”, when running on our cobbled streets.
• The base is a little low and the storage bag scuffs as I steer it up our two front steps. I have seen ones with scuffed through fabric… This doesn’t cause any trouble, but I would have liked an outer shell in possibly something a little harder wearing. I have seen replacements for these too.
• The double’s kit needs to be removed when collapsing the buggy or for access to an infant. I heard the Vibe can be collapsed without taking this off…

Over all, I think the buggy has a good, modern shape and my daughter sits and rides comfortable in it. Without adding any of the additional storage bags, there is plenty of storage. I use the pannier bags when I go shopping and the sleeping bag in the winter. It is fleece lined, but the zips sit on the sides, so not always easy to do up. The rain cover fits tight and clips securely over the pushchair, it folds up quite small. I like this buggy. Yes, I like some of the other ones on the market too, but now our second is on the way, I can get the doubles kit so my daughter could have a ride if she wants to. I have seen people using buggy boards although it isn’t recommended.

If I have to pick again, I think I will still go for this buggy.
The website: http://www.phil-and-teds.de/xt/  Take a look. There is plenty of info on the other versions too.

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VS piped, full-coverage, underwire, nursing bra (available in nude and black, both with white trim)

VS nursing plunge bra (available in buff, white and black)

I’m a little disappointed in the styles offered.  I wish they had something a little sexier.  Or a lightly padded bra to help hide nursing pads.  But the contrast piping on the underwire bra is cute and the plunge bra does look a little sexier than my Medela Comfort nursing bras.

Has anyone tried the Victoria’s Secret nursing bras?  What do you think?

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In this book, the author first discusses the biological needs of babies, namely, how babies evolved.  Why do babies cry?  What biological reasons lie behind crying?  Crying babies got the attention and nutrition they needed to survive.

The baby’s crying is not pathological—all infants around the world do this at two months.  Waking up several times a night is not strange—this is what babies are designed to do.  Constantly demanding interaction and attention is not the sign of a hyperactive infant—this is what babies need as social animals.

The author cites a researcher who recorded the amount of crying babies did in a famine struck country.  When the researcher returned several months later to do follow up, the babies who cried more were more likely to still be alive, while many of the quieter babies had died.  So the next time you’re sleepless, pacing the hall with an inconsolable infant, maybe it will help to keep in mind that this was a survival mechanism that we in the industrialized world have outgrown the need for, but our biology has not quite caught up to this fact.

The author goes on to present parenting styles of different types of societies.  Hunter-gatherer, nomad, horticulturalist and urban parenting styles are described, along with the styles of different ethnicities.  The author discusses how middle class American parents often cite fostering independence as their number one goal, while most other culture make no mention of independence as a goal at all.

Americans try to instill self-esteem in their children; self-esteem is a word not easily translated into other languages because the trait is not part of the cultural milieu of other groups—it is of import only in a competive self-achieving society.  The Dutch, in contrast, believe that regularity, rest, and cleanliness promote intelligent development, so much so that when children throw tantrums, as they do all over the world, parents assume there has been a break in the child’s routine that has caused the episode.

An especially interesting section of this book was about how people bring the parenting style of their cultures or ethnicities with them when they move to other areas of their country or the world.  I realized through this section that I was in many ways raised in an Asian style of child-rearing, and not so much in the middle class American style.  I can’t count how many times I said to my mother, “But this isn’t Thailand, this is American.  We don’t do things like that here.” (I know I’m going to be paid back for every time I said that though, now that I’m raising a child in Germany.

I also know now that I am raising my son in a hybrid Asian-American style.  Perhaps some of the reason attachment parenting seemed so natural to me (I was doing it before I knew it had a name), is that many AP techniques are practiced by Asians.  Reading this section also reminded me of how we should be open to the parenting choices other parents make.  No one style is right and no one style is wrong.

In one very telling study of Lebanese mothers transplanted to Australia, for example, the clash of cultures was clearly illustrated by how the women approached parenting.  The Australian mothers expected their preschoolers to be highly verbal and to be prepared for the rigors of school.  The Australian mothers also felt that certain developmental tasks have only a small window of opportunity during which a child can acquire those skills, and that if kids are not poked and prodded they will fall behind and be losers.  The Lebanese mothers, in contrast, felt no urge to teach their children any particular skills before they went to school and felt kids would learn skills as they needed them; there was no sense of “it’s too late.”  In addition, the Lebanese mothers were much more concerned about their children’s welfare at school.  As a result, Australian teachers labeled the Lebanese kids as unprepared for school and overprotected, but the Lebanese mothers felt they were doing what was expected of any mother…

Imagine the Cambodian woman new to America who is told by her physician to make sure the baby sleeps in his own bed.  Or imagine the Guatemalan woman who is confused by all the toys her new culture says she must buy for her baby’s happiness.  Or what about the British woman who looks in disdain at the Nigerian woman breast-feeding in public.  Now, more that ever, we need to understand how culture molds what we do and what others do.  By comparing ourselves with others, and comparing each group with yet another, we also obliterate any notions of “normal.”

A somewhat sensitive subject is discussed, the subject of not breastfeeding due to low milk supply:

Lack of milk is, in fact, an urban phenomenon—women in rural areas rarely if ever report that they have stopped breast-feeding because of lack of milk.  Some women may be rationalizing their desire to switch to formula.  It might also be that stress and anxiety in the urban environment contribute to the failure of the natural system.  For example, urban women often lack the multigenerational female support system to help teach them about breast-feeding.  Also, by definition, the urban environment means an emphasis on work that is physically and emotionally separated from home life; breast-feeding, or any kind of child care, is sequestered from the rest of urban daily life, unlike the environments of hunters and gatherers, nomadic herders, and horticulturalists.  In fact, the urban and Western styles of caretaking make breastfeeding particularly challenging; it is therefore not surprising that mothers in these environments give up.

No style is presented as perfect.  While the hunter-gatherer model is the model we had for much of human existence, and thus what children are perhaps most biologically set up for, it is not as a whole ideal for the life we live now.

There is no “perfect” way to care for babies, only trade-offs in which parents weigh the needs of the infant against the constraints of daily life.  Babies are clearly adaptable, at least within the parameters of their most basic organic needs.

What works for one set of parents may not work for another, and what is considered normal is only a cultural definition.  Kids the world over grow into healthy adults.  Sure, we need to take into account what the culture we live in considers “normal,” but we can also learn about the parenting styles of other cultures and peoples and consider if perhaps there aren’t things we can do differently.

Have you noticed differences in parenting between cultures and ethnicities?  What have you experienced?

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What did we do? After all, sleeping until two in the afternoon was not an option either…

Bottom line up front— we followed his sleep cues just as we do at home.  When The Boy was tired, he slept. When he wasn’t, he didn’t.  Several days, my husband and I got up earlier than The Boy, prepared for the day, and at the last minute, dressed The Boy and put him in the stroller or sling. This worked great. If we were out, and he was tired, we did the same thing. He slept some in the stroller and some in the Butterfly.

Nighttime sleep also turned out to not be much of a problem. The Italian lifestyle— late dinners especially— afforded us a late dinner, and The Boy was happy to oblige. After dark dining with a toddler brought a lot of attention, but the Italians were charmed by his smile, and he was well behaved.  Once it was time to go to sleep for the night, our co-sleeping lifestyle kept things quite consistent for The Boy.  We mostly followed our regular routine, and he nursed, rolled over, and went to sleep— just like at home.

When you travel across time zones, what do you do to “keep the sleep?”

Cross posted on Basketwives.com

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The Butterfly can hold babies and toddlers from newborns to forty-five pounds. There is a special insert (included) for infants that is removable, and the shoulder straps and waist strap are well padded. The hood/headrest is removable, and the carrier is very lightweight.

When the carrier came, I opened the box immediately to give it a try. I first put my son in the front carry, which he loved. Then we switched easily to the back carry. You can take the entire waistband off without dropping your child (not recommended), but it is a nice safety feature. At this point, The Boy did not want to get out of the carrier!

I first used the carrier on a shorter trip to Minnesota to get used to it, and I wore The Boy for several hours while out shopping. That evening, I could not figure out why my legs were sore, but then I remembered I wore him for a long time. My back did not hurt at all! In Italy, I experienced the same situation. I would wear him for several hours at a time without any back, hip, neck or shoulder pain.

The “hood” came in handy when The Boy was sleeping through the sites, but I can tell from looking at the pictures that I should have pulled it up a bit further. It held his head close, so it was not bobbing around and blocked some of the sunlight. On younger/smaller children, it would provide even more cover.

As you can see, I am not a very tall woman, and while the fitted body piece on the inside was a bit long for me, I did not find any discomfort from the small amount of extra fabric.

Overall, the carrier was sturdy, appears durable, and is quite comfortable— even for a small woman and a larger (30 pound) toddler.  I have no problems recommending this carrier to other women, and I am very happy with my purchase.

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