There are a few things I am working on that I hope will turn into meaningful articles. Because I want to write about things I have experienced, this is one reason I have been away. You can say I have been doing ‘research’. Here are three big things I am doing.

1. Sexual Kung Fu – This is essentially a practice to transform your sexual energy back into your life force. Instead of letting the energy flow out, you keep it in. Think orgasm without ejaculation and multiple orgasms. This is going to require lots and lots of practice and lots and lots of research. When I become Master, I will teach you … my grasshoppers.

2. Renovating our Vintage RV and getting ready for killer family adventures – I use to think RVs are for old retired couples named Gord and Betty. As an avid outdoorsman who logged many nights in the back country, I wanted to do something that offered a bit of comfort for my family, yet give the option of roughing it. My solution is to have a comfy basecamp allowing us options to do more rugged day excursions. What a better way than to sleep in a RV. Not just any RV but a cool vintage one, like the Boler – a 13 foot, lightweight trailer (1300 lbs), with a simple kitchen, beds, electricity and porta potti. I have it ready and its time to test it.

3. Turning ideas into action. I always thought I was pretty good with this. Afterall, I was a product developer in a past life. But than I realized my batting average is pretty poor. I want to be able to be even more effective and efficient in materializing my ideas. This is more of a personal challenge than anything else. If I start to look like R2D2, I will pull the plug.

That’s it for now and I want to thank my loyal readers for their encouragement. I hope to write more good stuff soon. Let me know if you have any thoughts.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I have the privilege of knowing a lot of modern men – ones who respect their partners, are active parents, play sports, make a good living, balance the finances, cook, clean, vacuum, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, hem their own pants and build the deck. These are well rounded men who take on huge responsibilities in their relationships. At times, like in any relationship, they get pissed off with their partners and because men don’t normally express their emotions, they bottle it up. Some of the things they want to express conflict with what is considered ‘manly’ and there is a fear of embarrassment and shame. So they keep it all inside and maintain the silence. Here are some of the things the men want to express to their partners.

- I wish my “wife” would do more of the household chores.
- I wish my wife can offer me some ‘support’. I feel I have to be strong all the time.
- If I don’t ask for sex, I won’t have sex. Sometimes I just wish she would initiate. I feel like such a beggar when I keep asking.
- When we do have sex, it seems she is just going through the motions.
- I feel pressure and stress managing the household, our children and keeping the relationship alive.
- I wish my wife would spend more time with our children, with us as a family.
- I wish my wife can be more present.

These are pretty tough things for a guy to talk about and admit to. No matter how evolved and open he is, it is seemingly still against the ‘male’ grain (culturally and perhaps genetically). This internal conflict between doing the right things and maintaining a masculine presence causes great stress. So, what can we do about it? How can we be an evolved man and not feel less of a man?

There is a movement happening these days, called the ‘menaissance’ – the reemergence of a retrosexual and basically, the death to the metrosexual. A retrosexual is a manly man like that of a stereotypical man from the 1950′s and earlier, minus the sexism, homophobia, politically incorrect thinking etc. I have to say I hate these names and definitions. To me, these definitions create another stereotypical role for man. This ‘movement’ seems more like a revolution as opposed to an evolution. Yesterday was the metrosexual, today, the retrosexual, what is the flavour of tomorrow?

Although I support the empowerment ideology of a retrosexual, I think we are better than that. I believe man (and woman) should strive to become a well rounded individual – to transcend beyond any male/female stereotypes.

Although there are changes happening in the male World, there are also things changing in the female World. There are women who question whether the word ‘feminist’ is the correct description of who they are. In fact, feminism as a movement has evolved and has taken on different ideologies. There are women who now take on the view, ‘why not cook and clean and bring my husband his slippers? If it makes my partner happy, that makes me happy.’ or ‘I chose to work as a stripper because I can make a shitload of money so I can enjoy life.’ I believe the goal of male/female roles is to reach the ‘thinking’ where we see ourselves as individuals with male or female qualities; rather than defining ourselves based on culturally defined roles. I believe its the evolution to this ‘individuality’ that will empower man and woman, and perhaps eliminate the Mars and Venus dynamic and put everyone back on Earth.

So, what can men do to empower ourselves and not feel emasculated – to Take Back the Remote Control?

1. Define your own relationship roles and take the ‘gender’ out of the equation. A relationship is a partnership and its success is based on how well the partners work together. I believe if you look at the collective responsibilities of your relationship and pragmatically divide up the tasks, it will eliminate the gender role thinking; such as: this is a man or woman’s job. With a collective ‘vision’, it will hopefully focus you to a point where nothing else matters.

2. Join the brotherhood of men. There was a time when there were clubs men could join – Masons, The YMCA etc. These clubs, conspiracy theories aside, provided a source of good male energy. Men need to bond with other men. There aren’t a lot of places left where a man can belong to. Barber shops have been replaced by salons, the YMCA is now coed and a gentleman’s club is a strip club. Find some like minded men and chill. Perhaps, start your own club.

3. Find your own space. As I mentioned in The Ultimate Man Den – A Fortress of Solitude for the Average Man, every man needs a physical space of their own to rejuvenate, relax and decompress. More than that, I believe men need to find alone time regularly to rediscover himself. ChessFanMan mentioned Sam Keen’s book, Fire in the Belly (one that is on my reading list), where Keen escapes to his cabin to address the ‘wild man within’ in solitude, which enables him to return to his family refreshed; ready to serve the ones he loves. I take sojourns from time to time and I totally get what he is talking about. When I am alone and away from distractions (usually in the wild), I am left to my own devices. This primal being feeds my masculine energy and puts life in perspective.

4. Manage your sexual expectations. The mennaisance movement suggests men reject sexual blackmail from women. It suggests women use sex to control the relationship and men should therefore, control his sex drive to assert independence so not to cave into a woman’s demands. I am not a psychologist but even I think there are potential problems with this. I’ll admit it. Guys do think with their little head and do compromise themselves if they think they will get laid. I think there has to be a better way then power tripping each other until one explodes from sexual tension. If you are in a loving relationship, then there should be a dialogue on how often you both want to have sex, keeping in mind the realities of your life. If you have kids, you will not have sex three times a day five times a week. I think once you know what to expect, you won’t deceive yourself into thinking you are less of a man because you don’t get laid every time you have the urge.

I don’t profess to having all the answers and embracing my own masculinity is a continuous work in progress. Hopefully these suggestions will help you find your place in our complex male/female World so you don’t feel less of a man, without having to burn your boxer shorts in protest.

As we get older and develop more interests, it becomes difficult to have a buddy to share everything with. You will be lucky to share a few common interests. For the man evolved, who has a dynamic range of interests, here are some friends you might want as your buddy.

1. The Academic – He’s super educated and can deconstruct any ideas, put it back together in ways you can only scratch your head at. But he is not pretentious and enjoys discussing ideas without making you feel like an eight year old. This buddy will help you develop your Grey matter and get you thinking. A good friend to enjoy a Scotch with on the leather couches in your man den.

2. The Mentor – This is the friend who has his shit together. He knows his priorities, has a stable career and is successful in every way. He is well read, knows everything (without being a know-it all) and has a good head on his shoulders. A great friend to help you with important decisions in your life, by offering wisdom in his perspective. This is someone you hope to become one day.

3. The Gay Friend – Your typical guy friend is supportive in every way, enabling almost. You are always ‘the man’ no matter how ‘not the man’ you really are. A gay friend tells it as it is. This is the friend that will tell you that you are ‘indeed’ overweight (even when you suck in your gut) and your outfit makes you look like a pimp. Sure, that honesty hurts, but it will motivate you to get real and do better. You know you are indeed ‘the man’ when your gay friend compliments you.

4. The Party Buddy (Fun Bobby) – This is your best friend in college, when life was one big fucking party. This friend gets you to forget your problems and convinces you not to take things too seriously, if even for a few hours. He also has the ability to convince you that getting drunk, taking off your shirt and dancing on big speakers in a club will get you laid. This friend doesn’t judge you because you’ve drank one too many beers or smoked a big fat ‘hooey’. He’s the guy you want to organize your bachelor party. Maybe not the best man, but for sure a groomsman.

5. The Ultimate Single Guy – This is an important buddy to have when you are married. He is the opposite of what you are to him – The Hapless Married Guy. He is the buddy who shares his dating lifestyle with you, so you can live vicariously through him.

6. The Girl Friend – This friend helps to provide important perspective to your heterosexual relationship. No one understands what a woman is thinking, then another woman. Because there are no complications, like sex in the way; the girl friend can remain calm while talking about heated man/woman issues. A very valuable friend to have and one that will help you with your relationship with your wife or girlfriend.

7. The Action Buddy – He’s the fit and ripped guy who is constantly on the move. What the academic friend is to your brain, the action buddy is to your body. He motivates you to get off your ass and go ride your bike.

8. The Adventurer – He’s the guy who takes risks. He’s not afraid of change and is constantly seeking ways to challenge himself; because he can get out of his comfort zone, and grow as an individual. This friend helps you think about life and look at ways to improve. He’s the guy who helps you discover what you are made of – by hanging you off the side of a cliff with a 10mm rope if need be.

9. The Work Friend – The work friend can evolve into any of the other types of friends, even the dog if your job is a police officer in the canine unit. Because work can sometime be ‘work’, it is important to have someone to goof around with. In a lot of ways, you spend the most time with the work buddy. Sometimes you bitch about work but most time you distract each other with conversations that help you escape.

10. The Dog – Loyal, nonjudgmental and always there for you. Low maintenance too. Just give it water, food, a walk now and again, with an occasional belly rub and he will love you for life.

Everyone man needs a buddy to hang out with from time to time. Choose your friend wisely and you’ll have an Aiden for life. To all my friends, here’s a big manly hug.

Now that I am married with a child, I feel it is even more important that I have a place to do this. I am fortunate I have a detached (1000 sf) garage at my home and my goal is to put a second level on it and create the ultimate Man Space. With the Winter Olympics over and I am inspired to dream the impossible; I want to invite you on this journey as I create a space, not just for me, but for all the men who long for their own space. This blog starts off with the dream; my wish list for what I want in the ultimate man den. I welcome your thoughts and hope you’ll be inspired to create your own space.

I see my Man Den as having a series of ‘zones’ that fit my lifestyle. It will be open concept wrapped with as much window as it is structurally possible. Natural light is energizing and there is nothing better than being inside with the feeling that you are outdoors.

1) The Chill Zone – Every man needs a comfy chair, like that of Archie Bunker, to sit on. Mine will be the Eames Lounger and Ottoman or the Le Corbusier Chaise Lounger. This zone is all about relaxation – listening to music, snoozing, daydreaming or reading.

2) The Media Zone – I like my technology and embrace the largest of big screen TV’s. Surround sound? You bet. In fact, it will be so surrounded that you will become the action.

3) The Play Zone – When the boys come over, there has to be room for games. The X-Box will accompany the big TV but a pool table and poker area will fit in just as well. I don’t play the guitar but if I did, this would be the place to jam.

4) The Lounge Area – After all, this is a man cave for the Man Evolved, so a lounge area is essential for male bonding. A place to smoke a cigar, enjoy a glass of Cognac and engage in good conversation.

5) The Workout Area – Although I rather workout outdoors, there are times where you just have to do it indoors. A place for housing the bike trainer, weights and punching bag is necessary. Of course this area has to have ample mirrors for flexing the ‘guns’ after the workout.

6) The Work Area – I like a clear and uncluttered workspace. A place for my iMac and nothing else. There are some cool workstations posted on Lifehacker I have been checking out. For me, with technology, there is no reason for having a lot of paper around. I rather operate a computer with a couple of screens, one for information and another for work – simple and clean.

7) Food and Beverage Station – I thought about a full fledge kitchen but that would seem too much like an apartment. I am not moving in after all. A fridge, some shelves and a drinks cart will do just fine.

Of course the den will have to have a washroom, it is a place for the civilized man. Besides, it’s probably too much effort to walk twenty feet to the main house. And there won’t be any ‘pinup’ posters or neon beer signs either; just simple, tasteful and inspirational photographs or art pieces.

Lounge jackets and ascots are optional.

1. The Traditional Blue Suit.  An alternative is a Grey suit. The suit can be worn at the office, for interviews, date night, funeral or any situation where you need to look your best. The jacket can be worn with jeans or khakis for a stylish casual look. The key is to keep the suit simple – no pleats and single breasted (two or three buttons). The fit is also essential. You can get an off the shelf suit with minor alterations to make it look like a tailored suit.

2. White Dress Shirt.  A classic white shirt can be used for any occasion. Dress it up with a tie or unbutton it and wear with jeans. You’ll get a lot of mileage out of it. Make sure you get a good quality one (100% cotton) and don’t go with button down (too casual).

3. Dark Jeans. Jean styles have changed a lot over the years but a classic dark jean has been constant. This means no funky designs on the ass or crotch. Think Levis 501. A five pocket dark jean can be worn at casual workplaces, clubs, nice restaurants and anywhere that allows for a more casual look. Go with a regular fitting jean as opposed to baggy or slim.

4. Chinos / Khakis Pant. This is a great alternative to the jean. Make sure its 100% cotton twill with a flat front.

5. The Grey V Neck Sweater. V Necks are great with dress shirts, polo’s and t-shirts. This means a great deal of versatility. Make sure the V is not too big for t-shirts but big enough to wear over dress shirts. The fit should be tight to the body and the cuffs ribbed. I like Merino Wool because it keeps you warm in cool weather and cool in warm weather. Very breathable and durable.

6. The Black Dress Shoe.  Shoes have really changed over the years with sole designs. You can get dress shoes that you can wear casually nowadays. The difference is the soles – leather versus rubber. Most guys I know don’t like leather soles (too slippery) and prefer rubber. Women take interest in what men wear on their feet, so it’s important to get a good quality pair and keep it clean. Stay away from pointy or square toed shoes (too trendy) and keep to a rounded toe shoe (classic). The black dress shoe will match any colour pant.

7. The Black Leather Belt. Same idea as the black dress shoe. Keep it simple.

8. White and Black T-Shirts.  A plain, fitted t-shirt can be worn as undershirts (in case you sweat like a pig), under sweaters and on its own. You can’t go wrong with a 100% cotton t shirt. A white and a black shirt will give you the versatility you need.

9. Polo Shirt.  This works well with a lot of occasions and can be worn on its own or under a sweater. Get one that is good quality and comfortable.

10. Watch.  There are not many accessories that let men express their individuality. If you have too much ‘bling’, you’ll look like a pimp. The best option is the watch. A watch helps to reflect your personality and is a personal statement of your style.

11. The Man Bag. I am a believer of carrying things in a bag. Why shouldn’t guys use a bag given everything we carry around these days – wallet, pen, notebook, netbook, phone etc? The Man Bag or a ‘murse’ (man purse) has received varying opinions from men and women – the negative being feminine. I think if you keep to a simple design that’s not too small, has a shoulder strap and its made of ‘manly’ fabrics (ballistic nylon, leather etc.), then you’re probably safe. Here’s, in my opinion, the ultimate man bag. When in doubt, think Indiana Jones.

Men are focused when it comes to sex. When its time to have some fun, there is only one goal; one thought on our minds: sex. Women on the other hand, consider everything – emotions, stress levels, feelings about herself, the surrounding, her partner and everything in between.

Sorry guys, this is not a ‘pick up women’ article. It is to help men with partners, who have found the frequency and quality of their sex life diminishing over time, especially with increased stressors (mortgages, kids etc). So, in true male form, I hope to impart my learnings to help my ‘brothers’ get some tonight or after you read this, tomorrow night.

1. Foreplay begins the night before. I had always thought foreplay began the second the lights went out. Boy was I wrong. Women are emotional and until they have had a chance to express their emotions, they will keep thinking about things. Your goal is therefore to make sure she goes to bed happy with you. So, don’t pick a fight before saying good night.

2. Start the day off right. It’s the little things that mean the World to her. If she’s always complaining about you not making her coffee, make her coffee in the morning. If she hates that you leave your clothes on the bathroom floor, make sure its not there. You get the idea. I find a lot of women are always rushed in the morning. If you can help her start the day off right, it’ll mean a lot.

3. Compliment her. Doing this early in the day helps her start off feeling good about herself and it doesn’t arouse suspicion. When you tell her she looks ‘hot’ just before bedtime, she knows what you want and will probably tell you she has a headache. A simple “you look beautiful” will do. Don’t overdo it.

4. Alleviate any pressure. Stress is the number one killer of sex. If there are things you can do to eliminate pressures on her, then its worth your while. Some things you can’t control, like her boss yelling at her at work, but the things you can; like picking up her dry cleaning or the groceries, then help her with it. Your goal is to help her go through the day as stress free as possible.

5. Support her throughout the day. I know a lot of people call their partners throughout the day and most time it is to ask “what are you doing?” or to remind them of something or to confirm plans. Next time you call her, ask her “How is your day going?” If it is bad, ask “What can I do to make it (things) easier for you?” These are two very powerful questions and shows that you really care and are supportive. Throughout the day, send her a text or email with three simple words “I Love You”. Make sure you don’t over do it. Checking in on her throughout the day and letting her vent, if she is having a bad day, will help her decompress.

6. Ask her about her day. When she gets home, make sure you ask her how her day was? Listen and nod. Don’t try to solve her problems. Just let her vent.

7. Make her dinner. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal or her favorite, but if it is edible and she doesn’t have to do it, then you just earned some key points. If it is her favorite, then you just scored bonus points. Don’t forget to take care of the dishes too.

8. Draw her a bubble bath. A lot of the women I know really enjoy baths. It is their personal time to unwind and decompress. Light some candles, leave a glass of her favorite drink and let her be. CAUTION! This is where you can spoil it. You know she’s naked and your tendency is to rip off your clothes and jump right in. Don’t! It’ll ruin it for her.

9. Give her a massage. Once she’s bathed, give her a massage. Make it a therapeutic one, as opposed to a sexual one. Help her release some tension and don’t just grab her breasts. CAUTION! Here’s another point to keep it cool.

10. Ease into it. Give her some gentle kisses and don’t just go for gold. She’ll respond but let her call the shots.

I know this will be hard. Let’s face it; we’re ready to go at step 1. If you show some restraint, you’ll benefit ten folds. In doing these things, you will have addressed all the conditions affecting her arousal. Although this article is meant to be in good humor, if you consistently exercise these suggestions, it will make your relationship better, not to mention it will get you more sex. Happy Valentines Day and Good luck brother.

Your Wingman.

1. Drink hot chocolate and eat cookies outside with your family.
2. Enjoy a glass of Cognac outside at night in the moonlight.
3. Go winter camping.
4. Attend a winter carnival or festival.
5. Get a facial.
6. Take your wife or partner to a Spa.
7. Meditate.
8. Go skiing or snowboarding.
9. Get your dogs to pull your child on a sled.
10. Go tobogganing with your family.
11. Attend a rock concert.
12. Go see a play or musical.
13. Take a road trip and explore nearby towns.
14. Try skijoring.
15. Go snowshoeing.
16. Escape to a bed and breakfast for a night with your wife or partner.
17. Bake something.
18. Start a blog – but not about evolved men
19. Make wine or beer.
20. Go wine tasting.
21. Go skating.
22. Play shinny hockey.
23. Get lots of massages.
24. Take outdoor pictures.
25. Identify paw prints on the snow with your child.
26. Make snow angels.
27. Build something manly – with lots of wood and metal.
28. Make something not so manly – jewelery for your partner or a bag for your child.
29. Host a dinner party and try some new dishes.
30. Have a snowball fight.
31. Build a quinzee or an igloo and sleep in it.
32. Go back country skiing.
33. Try ice fishing.
34. Go for a nature hike.
35. Ride your bike.
36. Try para skiing.
37. Explore historical buildings in your town or city.
38. Have a Wii or board game party.
39. Take ballroom dancing or salsa lessons.
40. Visit museums and galleries.
41. Take a horse carriage ride.
42. Try dog sledding.
43. Try ice climbing.
44. Start a campfire and make smores.
45. Have a picnic in the woods.
46. Try hot tubbing outside.
47. Go snow tubing.
48. Relax by the fireplace.
49. Go snowmobiling.
50. Volunteer your time somewhere.

I have chatted with people who literally gave me a series of ‘tweets’ and others who have used ‘LOL’ or ‘BTW’ in their sentences (they weren’t trying to be funny either). What is even scarier is the inability of these people to hold one thought at a time – the person vacillates between subjects (more like random thoughts) quickly and frequently. When you are ‘texting’ or ‘twittering’, you can have a million conversations at once but when you are face to face with someone, that is the only conversation you should have. A conversation should have a beginning, middle and end.

So it seems we have lost the art of the conversation. There are situations where we need to talk to someone face to face, like; on a date, at a work event, or when meeting new (real flesh and blood) people. Here are some simple advice to help you Master the Art of the Conversation.

1. Have something to talk about. One of the qualities of the Man Evolved is to have diverse knowledge and interests. The beauty of the computer is that you can gather a ‘whack’ of information quickly. Use a Reader and subscribe to a broad range of sites. I always go through Google News to get a glimpse of what is happening in the World. A quick way is to scan the headings, then move on to the articles that interests you. Another way to gather info is at a book store’s magazine section. I constantly research topics that are of general interest and depending on the function I am attending, I will focus my research.

2. Ask a lot of questions. I was told somewhere; a good salesperson is someone who asks a lot of questions. I believe this is true of a great conversationalist. When you ask questions, it shows you are interested in what the person is saying; and therefore, the person. Ask open ended questions to keep the conversation alive.

3. Use good body language. It is important to look at the person when they are talking and not be distracted by your surroundings or your Smartphone. If you maintain good eye contact, keep a relaxed posture and smile from time to time, you will be ahead of the game.

4. Express your point of view clearly and in a non confrontational tone. Its okay to disagree with someone, just don’t beat them down. Speak your mind and if you think someone misinterpreted what you’ve said, clarify immediately.

5. Don’t be a know-it-all. There is nothing worst than a know-it-all in my opinion. If you have a great deal of knowledge on something, don’t speak to others like they are idiots.

6. Take some breaths and let others talk. A conversation is a two-way communication. Make sure you let others talk. It is not a lecture.

7. Have a sense of humour. This is a great way to engage the other person. A little sarcasm, a funny story about yourself or a joke is all good. Just make sure it’s not offensive.

LOL and TTFN …

When we get older and start getting bogged down by big scary responsibilities, we totally lose ourselves. We are filled with baggage; we get cynical about things; we are seldom in the moment, and we forget about all those positive qualities we had as a child. Although I am not a stay at home dad, I chose to spend one weekday a week with my son at home. Not only has this been a great ‘bonding’ experience, it has allowed me to ‘re-learn’ a few things.

1. Be Curious. My son asks a lot of ‘whys?’ From an adult perspective, the onslaught of this one word question can get extremely annoying. But through his eyes, he is just curious and wants to learn. Everything to him is new and he is full of wonder. He is not selective in what he wants to know. He is curious about everything; from driving, to making eggs and hash browns, to folding cloths. Asking ‘why?’ has exposed me to wonderful things our World offers. It has helped to foster my creativity and increase my personal growth.

2. Determination and Persistence. There are definitely things I don’t cave to, despite the amounts of ‘Can I? Huh Can Is?’. But my son’s persistence pays off, because once in awhile, he gets what he wants. I think if I could be that persistent, I would probably have a few things I wanted in life. He taught me if you want something bad enough, you just have to keep asking for it. And if you still don’t get what you want, try asking another way.

3. Be Present. When he is engaged in whatever activity, that is the only thing on his mind. When he plays with cars, he makes the tire squealing and the roaring engine sounds. He is focused on his task and he is not thinking about tomorrow’s dinner or running down that ‘to do’ list. Although he may only play with cars for a while, then move on to something else, he is focused for that period of time. I practiced these short spurts of ‘present-ness’ and it actually helped me accomplish more. I used to multi-task and now, I single-task quicker.

4. Play. As adults, I don’t think we play. We compete or we exercise. I am lucky my son involves me in a lot of his play. Recently, I rediscovered Play Doh. I’ll admit it, I have more fun then him. It’s creative and it sucks you right in. It’s very Zen. I think playing helps to develop creativity and collaboration. When my son and I play, we create masterpieces together. We are not limited by ‘rules’ or ‘laws’, we just do what we want and we feed off of each other. It’s very cool.

5. Express Feelings. My son does not hold back his emotions and is quite comfortable expressing them. He does it instantaneously without keeping it bottled up for days and days. What is especially enlightening is that once he releases his emotions, he moves on – like the event never happened. I know I always feel better after I express my emotions. Now, I just have to do it quicker, then let it go.

6. Total Honesty. Yup. My son tells it as it is (he’ll learn tact at some point). No doubt this can be a problem, and sure; too much honesty can be a bad thing. I think as adults, because we are generally uncomfortable with hurting others, we have swayed to the other side. We may not be lying, but we are definitely not telling the truth either. Take breaking up in a relationship for example. The “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out. Although the ‘real’ reasons may hurt the other person, it may also help them grow and establish meaningful relationships in the future. Being honest helps me to be authentic – which helps me to live simply. When you are honest, life goes much smoother.

7. Light-Heartedness. My son is a brat and he does things that annoy me. However, I’ve come to realize I am only annoyed because of my ‘shit’ – like I am stressed about something when he sticks his finger in my ear or his well ‘sucked on’ stuff toy in my nose, then giggling uncontrollably. Once I realize he is just being silly, I loosen up and join him. Life is too heavy and at times, you just have to stick your finger in someone’s ear.

8. Compassion. Once he was old enough to realize hitting his pet dog with a stick hurts, he started to understand compassion. Now when anyone (me, the dogs, his friends, mommy, grandpa) is hurt, he comforts them. He gently puts his hand on them and asks “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” This act is so incredible, it fills me with warmth. If I can only extend myself so unconditionally to those who are hurt.

At some point in our lives, we lose these qualities. I am grateful my son has re-taught to me these things. He is a great teacher and I hope I am a worthy student.

I am not a conspiracy theorist who believes there is a global conspiracy perpetuated by Governments, hiding behind pharmaceutical companies to systematically program, categorize and reference us through vaccines? Sorry X-Files fans. I just wanted to make sure the vaccines were necessary and won’t compromise my child’s ability to ‘naturally’ develop his immune system.

The research on the impacts of vaccinations are literally split down the middle – half says it’s the only way to go and there are no worries whatsoever; the other half says, whoa, it’s bad and can cause problems worse than the infectious disease.

Take the vaccination for mumps, measles and rubella (MMR) for example. One study says it causes autism in children and another says there is no proof it causes autism and it’s merely coincidence – as autistic behaviours generally rear its’ ugly head at around age 2, the same time you shoot your child up with the MMR vaccine. Or is this just the terrible twos? So, what do you believe? How do you make an informed choice?

As an involved father, my questions were: is it absolutely necessary to be immunized for all these diseases? Will being shot up with so much stuff, especially at such a young age; affect my child’s ability to develop his ‘natural’ immune system? Will these vaccines cause side effects or other problems worse than the disease? Are the vaccines 100% effective in immunizing against the disease it was designed for? How effective are the vaccines? Will these diseases kill my child? Why are we immunizing children at such a young age? Can’t some of these wait?

These questions led me to three guidelines in making a vaccination decision.

1. If it won’t kill you, it’ll just make you stronger. I had mumps, measles, flu and chicken pox and I lived. I remembered it was pretty uncomfortable but I got over it. So the decision was to vaccinate for the infectious diseases that could kill you or cause serious complications in adults. Although I had put chicken pox on the ‘no vaccine’ list originally, I changed my mind after my Doctor explained there hasn’t been much of an outbreak so the probability of my son getting chicken pox as a child is slim. However, the problem is if he gets it as an adult. This leads to shingles and that could have serious complications.

2. The amount of time the vaccine has been around and the clinical testing done. There are vaccinations that are created quickly and did not go through proper clinical trials i.e. H1N1 vaccine (this was actually in the pharmaceutical company report when it was introduced). The decision was therefore to immunize for diseases that could kill you where the vaccine has been around for awhile and has gone through proper testing.

3. Wait until as long as possible to get the vaccine. There is a point where physiologically, a child becomes an adult. For the ‘yes vaccines’, the decision was to wait as long as possible to give the body a chance to develop.

Immunization is definitely an important subject for an involved parent when dealing with your child’s health. I can’t tell you what your child should vaccinate for, because that would be irresponsible. I do hope these guidelines will help you make your decision easier. For more information on vaccination risks, check out this site.