Any day now our lives will change forever.

And as I prepare for this new season I am struck speechless by how much love is lavished upon me and my family.

I have never doubted the intrinsic goodness of the Divine but there have certainly been times when I have felt far from it. This is not one of those. Every possible need has been provided for in some unexpected and beautiful way.

I have no fear of bringing my daughter into this world because for all of its messy brokenness there is so much hope and exquisiteness.

The other day I was going back over the events of the year and was actually shocked by how MUCH has happened in such a short span of time. I thought I’d give you a sneak peak here. I have been so blessed by family this year and by an overwhelming sense of calm and peace that even with all that we managed to pack into 12 months, I really haven’t felt rushed or crazy (well ok, there were moments, but you know what I mean)

January: We moved into a downtown apartment in Portland over New Years and hastily unpacked ourselves. It was pretty surreal to go from a 1200 square foot house to half that size on the seventh floor of a highrise.

  February: Lots of guests visit our new digs and plenty of hours working. It was blissful to be within walking distance of pretty much everything. Also, Bryan prepared the first real dinner meal in our new place (yes, it took us 6 weeks of living there before we did that).

  March: GeGe comes to visit, K-Bear stays with us for a week and we make a trip to NYC.

April: The best birthday surprise party was thrown by GeGe’s sister Aunt Marcie and we were all there to celebrate.

May: Bryan and I successfully planned another surprise visit to Sue for Mother’s Day. We also spent a weekend celebrating GeGe’s actual birthday with her in Seattle. It was during the Mother’s Day trip that we decided to move back to Spokane by the end of June. Was that a crazy idea or what?!!

June: Consumed mostly with packing, moving and all the stresses of changing cities. I can hardly believe that we had just moved six months ago and were already doing it again.We also announced the exciting news to our family that we were expecting our first baby!

July: Most of this month was spent settling in and enjoying quality family time. Bryan and I made a trip back to Portland for a Timbers game and to catch up with some good friends.

August: My little sister, L, came to live with us and the month was filled with street fairs, trips to the lake and summer revelry.

September: My birthday came and was properly celebrated ( I LOVE birthdays) and I reunited with a few friends from college years.

October: Isaiah’s 8th birthday was celebrated with a circus, per his request, and what a party that was!

November: For the first time in years, all of my siblings came together for a holiday. It was one of the most precious moments for me to see them all together again.

December: Christmas is my favorite holiday and for the first time in my adult life, I was going to be in my own home so we went all out on the traditions and festivities. We took a family trip up to Greenbluff and cut down a tree, we made gingerbread houses from scratch and decorated sugar cookies. The newest addition to the Neel family arrived, Blake Andrew, on December 16th. He is the cutest baby possible. GeGe came for a week and there was more laughing, game-playing and merry-making than I would have thought possible. Plus, for Lysbeth’s birthday, we took a trip to Seattle to top it all off.

And lets not forget that during all of this, little Emma Jane was busy growing inside her Mum’s tummy and now we only have a month to go before we get to meet her in person! What a beautiful, adventure-filled and memorable year this has been. What a wonderful year it has been. I feel as though I’ve treasured every moment as fully as possible and worked especially hard to live deeply in the present. I am confident that 2012 will be lived into in much the same way and look forward to the changes ahead.

Well I did end up reading a few things. One book I found particularly inspiring and informative.

Written by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, this book picks up where the documentary leaves off.

I checked out a copy at my local library because B and I are in the process of writing our birth plan and I just didn’t know where to start. I had a vague idea of what I DID NOT want to have happen but wasn’t really sure how to best articulate that. After reading this book, I went to my midwife with a zillion questions, ready to back out of the whole “hospital birth” if her answers didn’t satisfy me. Turns out, I think we picked the perfect in-between route by choosing the midwifery group and hospital we’ll be giving birth at. Now I have a birth plan I feel very confident will be honored and I am at least equipped with the head knowledge to handle things if our birth turns out to have unexpected changes along the way.

Bicycle Wind Trainer  from CycleOps.

So technically this is cheating I guess but since I’m hoping for a bicycle wind trainer, I also really want something Emma can be in while I’m exercising….hence the baby seat.

This Elephant Family Print from Pink Puppy Paper Co.

Anything from this company.

The book Plate to Pixel.

B.ella socks, made in the USA and so luxurious! (hoping to branch out and try new colors besides my favorite, black).

Handmade Produce Bags.

What’s on your wish list this year?

His Memories Alive

Alyssa Neel

He’s gone,

He’s left me now,

His hand has slipped as I kiss his brow.

He breathes no more,

His eyes they close,

He’s faded away in a peaceful doze.

I know he was special,

I know he was blessed

As I lay my head upon his chest.

He said he loved me,

He kissed my cheek,

My tears now roll, I can hardly speak.

I know that he’s gone,

I know it’s forever,

But I know that I’ll never forget him, not ever.

He lives in my heart,

He lives in my soul,

His memories alive, it’s healthy and whole.