Manners for Modern Mothers

Friday Frivolity- Mealtime Humor

2012-02-24T10:03:00.000-05:00

Even for the mother who loves to cook, the daily dinner preparation can be a grind. That's probably why this funny e-card has been bouncing around facebook. Should you find yourself similarly distraught in the near future, perhaps consulting this list of lesser known food holidays might provide some mealtime inspiration. Sadly, crab-stuffed flounder day has passed, but there's still time to celebrate National Clam Chowder Day and National Pistachio Day.

Have a happy weekend!

Short Order Cook Syndrome

2012-02-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

To the modern mother of multiple children, school day breakfast can be one of the more chaotic times of day. Someone wants pancakes and someone else wants cereal. All the clean bowls are in the dishwasher which needs to be unloaded and in the mean time, there’s an English muffin burning in the toaster. Then, someone spills a glass of milk and, well, you know the story.

How did this happen? How did the modern mother become a short-order cook? And more importantly, why can't the children just make their own breakfast? Even better, why can't we all just be more like the French and have pain au Chocolat?

Well, this modern mother just stumbled across what must surely be the most painfully obvious solution to short order cook syndrome: the breakfast schedule. Each child nominates a food and it goes on the weekly schedule. Monday, it's pancakes all around. Tuesday, it's cereal day. Wednesday is for English muffins, and so on. The next step of course would be to have the children prepare the food independently while the modern mother sips her tea and reads the headlines. Right. Maybe they could master that after a trip to Paris.

February Winner

2012-02-13T06:47:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to Kathleen Cervone for signing up to follow us on Google. We will ship you a copy of Bringing Up Bebe. Please email us at info@mannersformothers.com with your shipping address. Thanks for reading. Happy Monday.

Friday Frivolity

2012-02-10T06:34:00.001-05:00

What could make your abode more mannerly than the upcoming Special Edition of Domino Magazine our friends over at Kelly Green Interiors mentioned the other day? It is due on news stands April 17th.

To the extent that looking better means feeling better the girls over at What2WearWhen are busy Demystifying Personal Shopping for us all. Meanwhile Allison at Daily Outfit gets right to the heart of the matter with her piece What Does Your Lingereie Say For You?

Friend Sona sent us this chuckle earlier in the week and frankly we just can't stop laughing every time we look at it.

Of course, the French vs. non-French parenting debate rages on with our favorite rebuttal being Why 70s parents are Better than French Parents a la the Huffington Post. Should you wish to bypass any debate may we recommend this clever video How to Fake French.

Don't forget to sign up to follow us on Google by the end of the day and be entered to win Bringing Up Bebe.

Merci, bon week-end!

February Give Away - Parenting like the French

2012-02-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday. Did you see the piece in the WSJ this weekend titled Why French Parents are Superior? There is a book coming out this week called Bringing Up Bebe, One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. We think it looks like a fun read.

Sign up to follow us on Google by Friday, February 10th (just click the Google Friend Connect button on the lower right side of our site - it looks like the picture below)

and you will be entered to win a free copy of the book! The winner will be posted next Monday.

Friday Frivolity - The Downton Effect

2012-02-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

What is it about Downton Abby, the wildly successful BBC Miniseries currently in its second season on Masterpiece Classic? Laurel Ann of the blog Austen Prose describes the show's allure in this wonderful piece. This modern mother knows she just can't get enough.

At its core the series is about the house and what this generation of Cawleys will do to preserve it. And honestly, given the beauty of the place, can one blame them? Set in Edwardian England prior to and during WWI the story has it all. Upstairs, downstairs, intrigue, romance, soldiers, communists, dreamers, heiresses, nurses and, possibly best of all, Maggie Smith as the determined Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Acknowledging the show's win for best Miniseries at the Golden Globes and the 4.2 million US viewers (more than Mad Men!) who tuned in live for the PBS premier of Season II in January - what's going on here? Ben East takes a stab at explaining this phenomenon here. He is right of course, it is a wonderful story, with a ending yet unknown. Julian Fellowes, the creator of the show as well as the fab movie Gosford Park is at the height of his art form. But why now? And why in America? It can't be just the 1% watching, now can it?

We have a theory, of course. After years of "reality" TV, Americans are ready for a bit of decorum. The viewing public (this probably does not include you, dear reader - being a bit more highbrow than the average viewer) has discovered that a story can be compelling when the characters are elegantly dresses, and totally lacking in tatoos. There is something very heartening (we believe) in watching characters struggle to contain emotion in the face of adversity rather than throwing a tantrum.

So whatever draws you to Downton Abby we hope you have as much fun with it as we're having.

Happy Weekend.

Pictures from Google Images

The Maternal Arms Race

2012-01-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

Even the most well mannered and confident mother can get a bit wobbly at times. No matter how put-together, the modern mother can occasionally have doubts. Her children are well behaved, good students and they participate in after school activities. Yet there she stands, one sunny afternoon, blindsided by a group of mothers engaged in some sort of maternal arms race determined to out-do each other with the myriad of extracurricular, athletic, artistic and pseudo-academic pursuits in which their under-10 children are participating. Couched as laments such as, "I don't know how I'm going to get my children to all their activities this weekend," or "I just wish the school could teach math at Avery's level, then I wouldn't have to be dragging her to Russian Math twice a week..." these comments are intended to expose the brilliance of one's children and the many sacrifices of their fabulous and selfless mother. By the time we encountered a friend after a recent episode, she was shell-shocked and, even worse, doubting her own excellent parenting philosophy. Ridiculous. We know. She knows. You know too, dear reader. Yet, everyone has been there. One wonders did those other mothers come away from the encounter feeling better about themselves? Was such bravado comforting to anyone in that collective?

We happened across a blog recently called breed 'em and weep. It is written by a single mother in Western Massachusetts who is struggling. She is struggling to find the meaning in her separation, struggling to raise her children, struggling to keep her house and pay her bills. This piece the road more taken, puts a lot of things in perspective.

Friday Frivolity - Leaving Home

2012-01-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

Oh the trials and travails of separation. As this clever you tube video illustrates, it does get easier. Happy Weekend!

Thanks to our friend Sarah for sharing this!

Who Needs Sleep?

2012-01-23T11:46:00.000-05:00

While we would prefer not to enter into the co-sleeping debate, or into any other kind of debate with people who elect to never really get a good night's sleep for about 18 years, we thought the below worth sharing. Thank you to our friend Rich for posting this. In this way we also discovered a funny (if not mannerly) dad blog called HowToBeADad. It is a beguiling mix of profanity, diagrams and dad geek. Happy Monday.

Photo from HowToBeADad

If Not Now When?

2012-01-13T11:16:00.001-05:00

Was probably the question the well mannered audience members were asking themselves last Tuesday in Avery Fisher Hall in New York City. According to the WSJ's story here, a cell phone in the front row of the theater began ringing (playing?) the Marimba during Mahler's Nineth. After many minutes, the conductor reportedly stopped the piece, turned and asked that the phone be turned off. Yet the phone (believed to be an alarm) continued. After many minutes of total silence in the hall broken only by jeers from other attendees and repeated requests from the conductor, the offender finally silenced the phone. The Philharmonic began at the top.

Perhaps the patron was elderly, hard of hearing and did not realize his alarm was going off. Had he set himself a reminder to go to the Philharmonic? Possibly, he is a large supporter of the Symphony and has a great deal of clout and that is why ushers never approached to "help" him or escort him and his phone out of the hall.

As a friend mentioned earlier this week, it does seem these days, that more and more people behave (although we do not know if this particular offense was intentional) as though the rules do not apply to them. Whether these are rules of common courtesy or rules of law, many people behave as if those rules are for others. Have you noticed this? What do you think?

Could this be why the Chinese are throwing eggs at Apple stores and Apple cancelled the launch of the iphone4S in China?

Enjoy the long weekend.

Image from PSD

Friday Lunch Box Revolution

2012-01-05T14:03:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year. We hope you holidays were joyous and you are happily settling back into your routine. One aspect of this modern mother's routine that causes her more angst than it should is school lunch. This is because she wishes to send her minions off each day with a healthy/balanced/nutritious mid-day meal. She is hampered in this pursuit by time, the spacial confines of lunch boxes and her own lack of creativity at 7:20 a.m. Or so she thought. Then her friend Jane sent her the PRI link The Art of Making Lunch Boxes in Japan.

She now realizes she has been looking at lunch all wrong. This is not a problem but an opportunity. Like scrapbooking with food. Really, what on earth is keeping her from constructing a 6 colored lunch that looks like Hello Kitty or a Piano? Nothing but her own inertia. This revelation lead her to YouTube where she discovered this video How to Make Bento Lunch Boxes.

So now she knows. And her wooly winter hat goes off to these creative and dedicated lunch packers.

Should her octopus shaped mini sausages not turn out or her bunny ear apple fall to pieces before it reaches school she has also come across the following sites which might prove helpful in the pursuit of lunch.

My Meal Box

Lunch in a Box - Bento Resources

School Family Lunches

Eatingwell.com - Healthy Kid Lunches

Family Fun - back to School Lunches

LapTop Lunches

Parenting - Lunches

If you want to read more about the ancient and trendy (everyone in Brooklyn is doing it) art of Bento follow this New York Times link. Happy Lunching!

Photos from The kitchn, Women's Day and My Meal Box.

A Thank You and a Year End Review

2011-12-31T08:15:00.001-05:00

On this final day of 2011, we would first like to thank our faithful readers; Thank you, thank you, thank you, for continuing to visit our blog, leaving comments, and inspiring us with ideas, queries and quandaries. Second, we would like to indulge in some year-end reflection and review, with this month-by-month list of some of the most popular posts of 2011.

In January, we started the year wondering, Will 2011 be the Year of the Tiger Mother?

February brought on musings about grammar with The "I"s have it.

In March, we took on the term MILF in Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson.

In April, we discussed friendship in the digital age with, Friend, or Facebook Friend?

In May, we asked you all to consider Letting your child make the call.

By June, we had moved on to proposing revolution in So crazy, it just might work.

July was a good month for royal watching, so we pondered The Princess and the Pantyhose.

In August, we were blissfully sacked out in hammocks, drinking Mai Tais. Just kidding. We were really shaking the sand out of towels, slathering sunscreen on small bodies and otherwise trying to keep our children busy.

In September, we pondered The Meaning in the Missoni.

October is a serious month, so we asked, Is Academic Redshirting the Last Conversational Taboo?

In November we enjoyed the frivolity of 11/11/11.

In December, the hand's down most popular post was this (tongue-in-cheek) Last Minute Gift Idea.

So there you have it: that's what been on our minds this year. Thank you for thinking it through with us and hope you'll come back in 2012: Who knows what we'll have to ponder! Happy New Year to all!

Frivolous Foliday

2011-12-23T21:48:00.001-05:00

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday of your choosing. For your amusement over the next couple of fun-filled days, here are 10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'A Charlie Brown Christmas'.

picture from thefw.com

Last Minute Gift Idea

2011-12-20T14:16:00.004-05:00

Still searching for the perfect gift for the modern child? You may be interested in this decorative item for his or her bedroom wall. Frame and mounting are optional. Who knows, they may even thank you when they're 40.

Found on our friend Kim's facebook page
seems to be from a real school in India www.schoolofsuccess.in

Holiday Card Psychology

2011-12-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

I met an armchair expert yesterday for a cup of hot chocolate and to discuss the psychology of holiday cards. She lacks any relevant crediantials but is opinionated and has been around long enough to know how things work. She was wearing dark jeans, ballet flats, a navy wax jacket and red tartan scarf. I am only telling you this because this is how they do it in Vogue. We shall call her Madame X. Here's what I learned.

Madame X, thank you for sitting down with me. What can you tell our mannerly readers about holiday cards these days?
Well, Darling, like most aspects of life in these modern times, it's completely out of control.

How so?
Surely you have noticed how the fabulosity factor has overtaken the once genuine and sincere craft of connecting with people and wishing those far away from us a Merry Religious-Observance-Of-Their-Choice and a Happy New Year? Now one starts by trying to come up with a collection of words one hopes to be slightly festive yet completely inoffensive to the entire planet. From there it is all about the glossy photos and beauty shots. How many people even write notes on their cards any more?

Not many I know. Although some send a printed letter.
Yes! I mean NO! And what do those printed letter say? Lalala... we spent the winter skiing, the summer beaching, our children are brilliant (!) fabulous (!), and as you can judge from the attached 32 picture photo collage, dramatically good-looking.

So, you are an advocate for fewer pictures on a holiday card?
First of all, I know you talked about the rule of three in this blog at one point. And really, never is this more true than with a holiday card.

Meaning there should be no more than three photos on a holiday card?
Exactly. And really just one. If one is keeping score, and trust me, this has become something of a sport in many houses, maximum points are give for one good photo of everyone over many good shots of each family member.

But what if there is one child, shall we say, hamming it up?
That my dear, is what we call "representative of the moment" and something you might want to consider saving for his/her rehearsal dinner.

Did you see the piece in the WSJ today about the holiday photo card industry?
Yes. It was a good study of this phenomenon. Ironically, it did not discuss the e-card option as found on Paperless Post. This is the method to which I hope to be migrating in the near future. Not only is it much less cher (my Dear) but green as well. En fin, as for having oneself featured in that article, you know what I say, fools names and fools faces...

So I take it you are not a fan of Reality TV?
That, my friend, is another topic for another day.

Thank you and Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.

Santa: Don't ask, don't tell?

2011-12-12T11:11:00.000-05:00

For families who celebrate Christmas, Santa can be a pleasant diversion and a means for promoting good behavior, when children are young. But as they get older, the family might settle into an uneasy equilibrium. The children are old enough to know better: they couldn’t possibly believe that a man could deliver presents to millions of homes in a single night, powered by a few flying animals. Yet, perhaps, they are also wise enough to not question the clandestine delivery of presents which do not require a thank you note! It might be hard for a modern mother to know: Do they know? Or not? Will they be humiliated in eighth grade when they are the last of their classmates to discover the truth? Should we sit them down for a talk?

When there are multiple children of different ages, it becomes even more complicated. If an older child asks directly, “Is Santa real?” in the presence of his younger siblings, the modern mother faces a conundrum: spill the beans to all of the the children, or lie to her 8/9/10 year old. Alternatively, she could take an existential approach: “If Santa doesn’t exist, then he can’t bring you presents, so if you would like to take that risk, you may.” And thus, the whole Santa thing evolves into a “don’t ask; don’t tell” situation. Healthy? We’re not so sure. Effective? Yes. The older children become complicit in the Santa phenomenon, or maybe they just suspend disbelief for a few more years. Either way, the show can go on, even if it includes a knowing wink.

* Santa image from allposters.com

Please Excuse the Brattling

2011-11-29T12:17:00.000-05:00

After stumbling across That Should Be a Word, in the most recent New York Times magazine, a modern mother might feel a mixture of amusement, curiosity and chagrin. The column offers three neologisms: (1) brattle (to discuss one’s children at length), (2) spamily (Facebook or Twitter updates about kids) and (3) spawntourage (a group of approaching strollers). All these terms are admittedly funny. Who hasn’t had to pinch herself to stay awake through a fellow parent's enumeration of nap schedules and dietary preferences? Who hasn’t scrolled right by the Facebook photos of a college acquaintance’s children? Who hasn't felt pushed aside by multiple strollers spanning a narrow sidewalk?

The modern mother snickers, but she might also frown at the tinge of hostility towards children and families. Are there really people out there who roll their eyes at the sight of several strollers passing? Who are these anti-children people? Do they sit around in cafes smoking, writing screenplays, and snarling at passing infants? Do they wear berets? Trucker hats? Do they have bushy hipster beards? Do they all live in Manhattan? (Because, last we heard Brooklyn had been taken over by young families, come to think of it, Manhattan too.)

Whatever the authors of these neologisms are like, wherever they live, anti-child sentiments are not frequently visible in the suburban enclaves inhabited by this modern mother. Perhaps that's a good thing. Or possibly not.

Being cocooned in a child-centric culture just might leave many parents vulnerable to the impression that their darlings are universally adored and admired. Could it give modern parents the idea that it’s appropriate to bring children to any and all events? Does it leave some parents unaware of the possibility that the view of a toddler smearing his dinner across table linens might detract from another diner’s fine dining experience? Or worse.

Perhaps it is just such cluelessness that has incited any child-hostile sentiments lurking in the child-free majority. So, thank you, New York Times, for that little bit of humor and that small reality check to parents out there. Or at least the ones who have the time to read the Sunday magazine.

Happy Turkeys

2011-11-22T23:11:00.001-05:00

Dear readers, please excuse our brief hiatus. We have been up to our elbows in paper mache. Being neither crafty like Machiavelli nor crafty like Martha Stewart, one wonders what we could possibly have been thinking when we concocted the half-baked, life-size, paper mache turkey centerpiece scheme in the first place.

Though in truth, this modern mother knows what she was thinking. She was thinking "Do I really need to spend more than I am paying for my actual turkey at that fancy pants florists for some minimalist centerpiece involving about 9 stems when the children could make something wonderful for next to nothing?"

So here we are three days and unimaginable effort, home made paste crises, cajoling, tempera paint showers and of course fun (?) later.

After this "teachable experience," today's real turkey and 26 accompanying guests should be a cake walk.

Hope we didn't just jinx ourselves with that last thought.

Happy Thanksgiving to all,

Elizabeth & Elizabeth

A Good Walk

2011-11-14T21:17:00.001-05:00

There are few things these modern mothers enjoy more than a good walk. The benefits are well established. Nothing clears your head, stretches your legs and gets your blood pumping like a good walk. Plus, and we must be honest, it is much easier than running. So when we came across these two sites devoted to walking we just had to share.

The first site, called Walking To Listen, is the ongoing story of a young man's journey across the United States. He walked out his back door in Pennsylvania on October 14, 2011 and is, as of this writing, somewhere in Virginia. He is headed to the west coast. He is a wonderful racanteur and there is something very special about knowing this is happening in real time.

The second site is called abbyroad.com and it is (of all things!) a live webcam pointed towards the very crosswalk in London where the Beetles album cover was photographed. So there you have it. Happy walking. Or watching.

Photos from Walking to Listen and Google

Friday Frivolity - 11/11/11

2011-11-11T08:08:00.001-05:00

There is much frivolity to be had today, which is a good thing given the overall gloomy and weird news to be found in the mainstream media these days.

First, thank you to the wonderful and witty writers who have responded to our earlier post this week. We are having great fun pouring over your blogs and writing pieces and will be in touch shortly.

Now, there are few things closer to our mostly mannerly hearts than corduroy. So when we discovered in the WSJ over our morning coffee that today, 11/11/11, is "...the day that most closely resembles corduroy ever," according to Ms. Pieloch, director of "cordination,"for the Corduroy Appreciation Club, we were delighted. You can read all about it in this article.

As the weather cools our thoughts turn to our dear friends who will and will not be spending Thanksgiving in Paris (you know who you are). This piece by Julie Blakely might come in handy as well as these general tips for personal Frenchification wherever you are.

In other news, we loved our friend Kayce's post last night about her "Aunt Lilly." Yes, that Lilly.

Have you had a chance to peruse the Nov/Dec Lonny Magazine? Pure fun! Plus, we are intrigued by this new lifestyle shop C Wonder that recently opened in Soho and is featured in the magazine. Sadly, it does not yet seem to have an online shopping component.

Finally on this Veteran's Day, thank you to all the men and women who serve, have served and sacrificed so that we may prattle on in safety and peace about corduroy, fashion, beauty and decor ad nauseum. Happy weekend!

photos from LL Bean, France in photos, Flickr and CWonder

Blogger Wanted

2011-11-08T14:08:00.002-05:00

Are you a new mother who knows nothing about children? Did you once have a viable career with productive days or even weeks at a time? Are you polite? Considerate? Interested in people and the world around you? Are you wondering what you are doing in this strange new world of babies? Can you write?

If the above description sounds like you and you would be interested in writing for Manners for Modern Mothers every couple of weeks, please email us at info@mannersformothers.com.

Thank you.

photo from the blog daddytypes

Friday Frivolity - Post Halloween Giggle and Mini Rant

2011-11-04T09:42:00.003-04:00

Hopefully this funny piece from WNYC.org will help with your Post-Halloween traumatic stress syndrome. We love it because it is mannerly, modern and very funny.

And another thing, when did it become vogue to "donate" used Halloween candy to our military, homeless people and food banks? Ironic, non? Of course, we all want it out of the house but if it isn't good enough for our offspring why is it good enough for these segments of the population? What if everyone just composted the candy and sent these groups a can of butternut squash soup? Who's with me? Aside from the fact that you can't compost candy...

Enjoy the weekend.

Photo and recipe from our friends over at Smitten Kitchen

Friday Frivolity - Boo To You

2011-10-28T11:53:00.001-04:00

We hope you and your little goblins have a wonderful Halloween weekend and that the snow does not impede your fun. For a good laugh please read this piece by Maria Semple in The New Yorker about the Mexican holiday Day of the Dead. Thanks to Amy and our friend at Google for sending this our way. Enjoy the weekend!

Redshirting - The Last Conversational Taboo

2011-10-24T12:54:00.001-04:00

There are, it seems, these days very few topics modern parents must avoid when making 'pleasant conversation' with people whom they do not know well. Race, religion, politics, sex, reproduction - all fine. But whatever you do, please save yourself (unless you are someone who just like to stir the pot and see how far you can get people going) and do not bring up REDSHIRTING.

Redshirting (in case you live on the moon) is the increasingly common practice of delaying kindergarten for children who turn 5 any time after April (assuming a September 1 cutoff for kindergarten). As wealth disparity grows in the US, elite colleges take smaller and smaller percentages of applicants, academic expectations shift downwards ('first grade is like seventh now), and parents read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell this practice seems to make sense.

And then! Just when everyone is on board with the concept - research and articles like this one, Delay Kindergarten at Your Child's Peril pop up in the New York Times and the frenzy begins all over again.

'So why is this such an incendiary topic?' a mannerly mother with the excellent fortune or insight to only give birth between October and February, might ask. After all, who cares what other people do? Do they honestly think it will make that much difference? Don't these minor advantages in kindergarten even out by middle school? If a red shirted child is valedictorian of her high school class, has she usurped that honor from the rightful heir in that age group? What about those coveted spots at elite institutions? Do colleges look at birth year? What about the child's self-confidence? Is there academic data supporting this approach? What about the parent's emotional baggage? Does a red shirted student have a better chance of getting a scholarship? A better job? Really doesn't it all come down to everyone wanting to do what is best for his or her children? And the controversy lies in what he/she believes that to be. But again, probably not the best questions to ask in a getting-to-know-you sort of way.

Of course the editors here at M4MM can not begin to advise you on the merits of either approach - we are just here to help you avoid this conversational minefield - should you wish to do so.

Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?
William Miller: They hate me.
Lester Bangs: You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Photos from Google Images and Almost Famous web site.

Are You Wearing Pants?

2011-10-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

While perhaps a bit remedial for our seasoned and sophisticated readers, the question "Am I wearing Pants?" can be a tricky one to answer in these anything goes times of lycra, leggings, jeggings and just plain forgetfulness. Wonder no longer mannerly modern mothers! Thanks to the below flow chart discovered on the Huffington Post by our tech guru Amy and also brought to our attention by Alison over at Daily Outfit, you will never need to doubt your pant status again.

Flow Chart from Huffington Post designed by Amy Sly