Our good friend the magazine editor knew the instant he got together with his now wife that large poodles would be part of the equation, so he’d better like it if he didn’t want to lose her. Now every time he says or does something that makes her go squiggle-eyed at him, we warn him he’s going to have to stop off at PoodleWorld and get another batch of standard poodles for her. She grins and nods her head eagerly every time we tease him about owing her ‘oodles of poodles.’

Both of these men resigned themselves quickly and even happily to their fates. Mr. Twistie adores Jake the kitty and the magazine editor can’t get enough of the pups.

But the fact is that the magazine editor’s wife and I also keep the pets to a reasonable level. Mr. Twistie and I have never had more than two cats at a time, and usually have only one. The magazine editor and his wife generally have two dogs, one of which is invariably a poodle.

That’s the right way to do animal loving in marriage: keep only what you have both agreed upon and can easily care for responsibly.

Unfortunately, one woman in Israel didn’t get that memo. She adopted five hundred fifty cats to live with her and her husband in their home. Oh, and he doesn’t like cats to begin with.

According to the divorce papers he has now filed, the cats blocked his access to the bathroom, swarmed him when he tried to cook dinner, and refused him access to his bed because they were sleeping on it. When he sat down to eat meals, the cats would steal his food.

The gentleman attempt reconciliation, but the wife chose the cats over him.

What else can you say but, let’s forget it.

In fact, the Mail seems highly offended by nearly every aspect of the couple’s low-key wedding, from the bride’s off the rack dress, to the sentimental choice of the brand of chocolates they shared on their first date as a wedding dessert.

Me? I firmly consider such decisions on the part of people who didn’t consult me in the matter very much Not My Business. If pressed, though, I think it’s nice that they valued sentiment over pomp and circumstance. I think it says a lot about them as a couple that Zuckerberg designed Chan’s ring, and chose something culturally significant in her background as a Chinese American to symbolize their love. I think it’s their money and they are entitled to spend it (or not spend it) in the way they choose… and I would still say that if they had thrown a massive bash to put Kim Kardashian’s lavish wedding to shame. I think how disappointed I would have been had I been forced to accept a ring at the outer limit of Mr. Twistie’s available budget rather than the ring that means so much to me simply to make people who aren’t us not snark.

To attempt to guess the price tag of the bride’s ring is crass beyond expression. To then attempt to shame the couple for holding the celebration they prefer is hideously offensive. Nobody was harmed in the creation of this wedding. In fact, the few details that have come out have frankly impressed me. Not because of the price tags or lack thereof, I hasten to add, but because it’s clear that they made their decisions based on a combination of sentiment and their personal preferences. They wrote their own vows, he designed her ring, they served food from two of their favorite restaurants, and their beloved dog walked the bride to the altar.

Just because a couple has money doesn’t obligate them to spend it on a wedding that will then make the Daily Mail chastise them for not sending the money to feed starving children or blast them for being so hypocritical as to want a party for a significant life change. Because you know what? Whatever they did, some media outlet or other was going to poke fun at them or shake an angry fist at them. When you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t… do what feels right and most authentic to you.

But while the Mail was pointing fingers and laughing at a couple for not wasting money on a celebration they didn’t want, the Telegraph ran a story on a terrifying and hideous new wedding accessory that would have The Manolo crying AAAIIIYYYYY! and begging for a cold compress for his feverish brow as he retires to his tastefully decorated chamber: bridal UGGs.

Yes, UGG has released a line of bridal footwear which is simply their usual comfort over style footwear only embellished with sequins and honking rhinestones. Oh, and a rather frightening pair of furry flip flops that I was concerned might eat my feet through the computer monitor. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

UGG. The most appropriately-named shoe company in the world.

Me? I gotta say I HATE those centerpieces. They’re impossible to converse around. I might have a fighting chance, but then I’m pretty short. I can duck under the branches on a lot of them. But Mr. Twistie is tall. And these things often branch out in width, as well as in height. My poor beloved finds himself spitting out ivy and rose petals every time he opens his mouth, or in grave danger of his moustache catching fire if there are candles involved.

I know where the concept came from. It came from Victorian dinner party extravaganzas. Those tables often featured huge, florid arrangements of flowers in massive silver, glass, or ceramic display pieces. Guests would enter the hall, ooh and aah over the centerpieces as they found their seats, and tell the people sitting on either side how impressive they were.

Then – and this is the bit most people don’t know anymore – the servants (usually the footmen) would come and remove the centerpieces from the table so that conversation was possible.

Any rebuttals? Additions to my chorus?

How would I describe the wedding Mr. Twistie and I had? Probably as ‘fun’(29%) ‘rustic’(9%) and ‘DIY’(19%).

What three words would best sum up your wedding style?

After all, minis are on trend right now, but – according to Peters – you will regret wearing one on your wedding day for the rest of your life the instant minis aren’t fashionable any more.

Me, well, I wouldn’t choose a wedding look purely because it’s fashionable, but to assume you’ll hate your own taste in five years because Vogue is now showing something very different is frankly insulting. I’m gearing up to celebrate my ninteenth anniversary with Mr. Twistie, and my wedding album makes me smile. Why? Because it’s an accurate and beautiful representation of an important day in our lives. Because it’s filled with pictures of people we love, some of whom are sadly gone from this world. Because no matter whether the clothes are dated or not, we all looked good.

Peters goes on to say we should all follow the ways of the British royal family in picking our wedding gowns. They, apparently, and with the painfully blatant exception of Princess Diana, ignore fashion completely and thus wear entirely timeless wedding gowns that they can be proud of. Well okay, then.

Is anyone here honestly going to tell me that Princess Anne’s 1973 wedding gown doesn’t look like a gown from 1973? It does. It’s absolutely fashionable for its day… and it’s still a beautiful gown. But it got some serious chuckles in the eighties and nineties.

In thirty years Kate Middleton’s gown is going to look dated, just as Anne’s does today. That doesn’t mean either woman should have chosen a different gown. It also doesn’t mean that a woman with great legs who loves showing them off should cover them up on her wedding day.

Fashions change. That’s the point of fashion. Next week, whatever is in your closet now is going to be out of style. So my take is that you should choose what truly speaks to you. That way no matter how dated it looks, you can still look at it fondly.

You know, sort of like how you should choose a spouse by how well you get along and what values you share in common rather than choosing someone based on whether they’ve got a cool job or not. Cool changes, shared values are less volatile.

My wedding gown is as dated as it can be. Frankly, it looks like it stepped out of a production of Pride and Prejudice. I still adore it… and Mr. Twistie. Was it fashionable in its day? No, it wasn’t. Is it fashionable now? No, it isn’t. Is it timeless? No, it isn’t. Is it a perfect garment for who I was then? Oh, yes it is. Would I choose the same dress today? Quite probably not… and yet I still adore it. I still look at those photos happily.

Oh, and before choosing a wedding gown, I would choose a date and venue. It’s far easier to decide what to wear when you know when and where you’re going to be wearing it than to fit the venue to the dress you happened to pick. Peters disagrees with me, believing that the gown should be your first decision. But then again, she also believes that choosing a dress that isn’t utterly timeless will ruin your wedding album, too.

Your wedding is a big day in your life, but it’s a particular day, in a particular year, in a particular place. Spending too much of your efforts on denying fashions you love is just as big a mistake as trying too hard to follow fashions you don’t care about or dislike.

I would never advise anyone to sublimate their own tastes to the whims of current fashion on a day that’s such an important expression of your individual tastes and beliefs. If you hate the currently fashionable halter necklines, be my guest and tell the consultant at the bridal salon that you don’t even want to look at them. If you loathe lace, buck the trend!

But if you are dreaming of a halter neckline, don’t let fear that it won’t be fashionable in a few years stop you from picking it. If you have dreamed for months of that cool detail you saw in Vera Wang’s latest collection, don’t worry that it won’t always be the latest thing. It won’t be. And that’s okay.

Don’t pressure yourself with adding being utterly timeless to the list of reasons to stress about picking your wedding gown. After all, you’ve got to worry about: budget, ordering schedule, fittings, payments, accessories, pleasing your intended and quite possibly your parents, making sure the gown fits your venue and general wedding concept… that one dress already has way too many pressures riding on it.

Relax. Pick what speaks to you. I do agree with Peters that worrying too much about being fashionable is not a good idea in picking a wedding gown. I just think she takes it too far the other way.

Your wedding is a day when you want to present yourself as utterly you. Whether that’s someone who’s always on trend, someone who bucks trends for breakfast, or – as is far more often the case – something in between, you should wear what makes you feel like you.

Maybe someday you’ll look at your wedding pictures and cringe a bit, but so what? Another day you’ll look at them again and smile. You’ll realize that the most important thing about those pictures isn’t whether your hairstyle turned out like you’d planned or whether you managed to make everything look ‘timeless’ but the fact that it’s a record of who you were and what you felt on that one day, in that one year, in that one place, with the people you loved best by your side.

That’s the part that’s timeless, even if one glance at your wedding album tells everyone precisely what year the pictures were taken.

But there’s one aspect of this wedding you might not have heard about yet: it was a surprise to the entire guest list.

Chan had graduated from medical school during the week, and she and Zuckerberg sent out invitations to a graduation party. But when guests arrived, well, Chan was wearing a white gown and veil and the next thing guests knew, they were witnessing the start of a new marriage.

While this approach certainly isn’t for everybody, I have to say I like the concept. It’s low key, so it’s easier to avoid jitters. Nobody is expecting a wedding, so they don’t worry about shelling out money they can’t afford on new clothes and gifts. You don’t have to corral your nearest girlfriends into the bridal salon to argue over which available dress they hate least as a group. Nobody can accuse you of boring them to death with wedding details. Nobody has a chance to object to the aspect of the wedding that means the most to you.

In short, all you need to do is organize a party in a place you like, invite the people you’re closest to, nab yourself an officiant, get a license, and give everyone there the surprise of their lives! It’s up to you whether to plan for months or do it on a couple days’ notice, whether to include traditional trappings or drop every wedding convention except the vows.

I took a long time to plan my wedding to Mr. Twistie. I enjoyed the entire process. I loved sharing my plans with others. But there’s definitely something to be said for keeping an exciting secret, too.

So how about you? Would you ever consider a surprise wedding?

So what do you do if you love DIY but don’t have the time or the space or the talent? Why you go to people who have those things and pay them to do it for you. And that’s where Etsy comes into play.


Your invitations will say a lot more than just the time and place you’re getting married. Whether you’re looking for something whimsical or elegant, modern or old fashioned, chances are someone is doing invites on Etsy that will appeal to you. Me? I’ve fallen madly in love with these hand calligraphed ones by PaperandCalligraphy. See? They’re even sealed with wax! At $4.00 apiece and frankly not very practical to send through normal mailing channels, they aren’t for everyone. Still, if you’re having a very small wedding and only inviting people close to home, it’s a charming option.

I’ve fallen madly in love with these pom-poms of dried flowers put together by EcoLectic Events. Styrofoam free and made of organically grown flowers, they’re completely eco-friendly. And at $19.50 each, they’re even pretty budget-friendly as bouquets or as general decoration in the room.

If you’re looking for a special veil on a budget, you might do a lot worse than this English netting bandeau veil with handmade flower decoration by Fascinating Creations. It’s a charming look, and at just $68.95 it won’t harm your wallet at all!

You can even get a custom wedding gown on Etsy!

How about this charming informal wedding dress by atelierTAMI? At just $530.00 (made to your measurements, corseted bodice and petticoat included!), it’s hard to beat for price or perkiness.

Even if you can’t DIY for love nor money, there’s no reason you can’t have a few custom, handmade touches to your wedding, if you want them. It’s all a matter of knowing where to look.

But if you aren’t getting married in white, that opens up every possible color in the rainbow to you. What to pick then? Well, right now a lot of brides are looking to shades of silver, steel, platinum, and just plain grey.

Grey? For a wedding gown??? Yep. I say don’t knock it until you take a look at it.

Take, for instance, this strapless Aria gown in platinum floral print on a cream colored background shown here with a narrow spring green sash (sold separately, which means you can do without, choose another color, go wider, or choose something with beading instead, if you prefer).

It’s simple, festive, and definitely not the standard wedding gown.

But shades of grey can go dramatic, too.


For instance, this steel tulle ballgown by Wtoo features metallic beading and embroidered lace embellishments. With all those ruffles, it’s definitely dramatic. And in that color, it would look spectacular with the currently popular pink and purple blooms.

Even the seriously budget-minded can get in on the trend with this steel blue Casrin strapless gown. In fact, it can be ordered for a mere $131.79, plus shipping. What’s more, just another $25.00 gets it in custom sizing.

Or you can go entirely custom, like this delicious gown made of vintage cream uchikaki with silver silk charmeuse trim:

White wedding gowns are great, as are ones in cream, ivory, blush pink, gold, emerald green and bright purple. But if shades of grey make a good frame for your face, seriously think about wearing one of them. It can look amazing.

And I know. My cream-colored wedding gown featured silver grey lace trim way back in 1993. Little did I know then I was a trend setter! I just thought it was pretty.

Most of the dresses are white, though a couple are blue or feature blue touches. I’m guessing that at least a couple of them will come in other colors when they get to salons… and most of the dresses inspired by them will probably be available in most of the popular colors for the season.

While de la Renta may feature price tags that most brides (and mothers of flower girls) can’t afford, the inspiration is certain to trickle down to more affordable designers and to pattern makers.

I’ve always preferred flower girl dresses that acknowledge that flower girls are generally very young girls, that are shaped for little girls’ bodies, and that can be worn at other events like parties… and in this case, the occasional First Communion.

Thumbs up for age-appropriate clothes for little girls!

This one from her spring 2013 collection, though, well… I have to say I’m HATING this one. I’m not sure if she’s standing in the middle of an attack of interstellar Charmin or if the entire world just dumped their used tissues on her, but either way she’s being swallowed whole with no escape.

Now excuse me while I go throw this poor waif a lifeline.