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Juliane, and also Mike of Nomads on the Road asked:

Why?

Anthony Replied:

A great opening question – why did I choose to do it? Many reasons…

Health: I was drinking an insane amount of alcohol and when I have future imaginary children, I want to be able to keep up with them running and not be pot-bellied and red-faced.

Money: I wasn’t exactly flash for cash and I’m still not! Beer was (is) an unnecessary expenditure in a quickly hemorrhaging bank fund. I’d planned to travel the world since 2008 and I wasn’t going to throw it away, just to get pissed. I could (and have done) that at home, it gets boring very quickly.

Willpower: Going absolute cold turkey was going to take a lot of mental strength. I like to put myself through tough challenges like this, because I feel I evolve as a human, if successful.

Relationships and Social Study: I was interested in how different my relationships would be, when meeting new people. Now I could no longer use alcohol as a crutch, to make friends as a solo traveller – how would I cope in social situations?

I had a drinking problem: I wasn’t an official alcoholic, but I definitely had an unsettling relationship and reliance on alcohol. I found it virtually impossible to only “have a few” and would get in some pretty nasty states every time I went out.

Why Not? Always a good answer to “why?” Why not try something different to my social conditioning and look at things from a new world?

Shaun asked:

Ok mate I have a question for you. Do you think you had a better time with or without alcohol?

Happy Travels!

Anthony Replied:

Happy Travels to you too, Shaun! I think that initially I didn’t have a very good time because drinking when out was all I have ever known. So it felt as if I was in a complete new world at first, but it got easier and when I found open-minded people who wouldn’t give me a hard time about it – I ended up enjoying going out more!

Gardenbre asked:

Was it very difficult? And was there anytime during the 6 months that you wanted to go back on your decision to have a drink (or ‘two’)?

Anthony Replied:

There were times when I was REALLY tempted to drink. Usually when Newcastle United were playing on TV – they usually drive me to alcohol! There were times when people were sneaky and said “come on, have a drink, it’s just me and you – I won’t tell if you don’t.” But nay, I was really determined to do this and resisted the temptation.

Erica of Kizzling Around asked:

Did you ever get tired of people asking you why? And how often did you get asked this question. Oh! Also, do you think that it affected your decision whether to go out (did you go out to bars and just drink cola, or replace that with other activities)?

Anthony Replied:

Hell yes!! I got REALLY sick of people asking why, but only in a certain way. Non-judgemental, open-minded people ask it in an inquisitive and genuine way. Then you have the people who think the world is going to end if you stop drinking alcohol and ask it, so they can get confrontational about it. I literally got asked the question every time I went out – usually by Brits!

It affected my decision to go out at first, but then I just sucked it up and made sure I had a good time!

Annette of Bucket List Journey asked: 

What type of alcohol did you miss the most? What was your first drink of liquor when the six months was over?

Anthony Replied:

Without a shadow of a doubt – red wine!!! *salivates* I still haven’t drank

Kate of Adventurous Kate asked:

 Will you be going to Vang Vieng now?

Anthony Replied:

CHAV!!!

Wor Paul (my cousin) asked:

Would you recommend the same challenge? X

Anthony Replied:

Yes, I would highly recommend trying it for a certain amount of time – it’ll definitely do more good than bad. X

Craig of Flashpack at Forty asked:

What has been your favourite new non alcoholic drink? Did you weaken at any time and nearly reach for the bottle? Will you be resuming your normal drinking habits on completion?

Anthony Replied:

The mighty banana shake!! I came close to weakening, but I stayed strong. I don’t take very well to failing, so I didn’t think it’d be worth it if I did. I certainly don’t plan to resume the same drinking habits as before; I feel like I’ve been woken with a big slap in the face.

Alison of See My Travels asked:

Will you be celebrating with a booze up, ha ha? Or has six months without made you think you don’t really want to drink any more?

Anthony Replied:

With risk of offending beer-swilling party animals; I won’t be having a booze up to celebrate. I do have a plan though – of epic and life-changing proportions. Read on to find out more

As for the second question – I don’t think I’ll be a teetotal guy (English word for someone who never drinks, yes I have only just found out it’s only used in England) for the rest of my life. I’m planning a trip to Argentina at some point and wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag me away from my beloved Malbec!

Will Peach of Travel Sex Life and about 72 other dodgy sites, serial guest poster, and sexually preoccupied commenter on every blog you ever read in your life, asked:

Will you finally publish my guest post now that you have one less challenge to talk about? I wrote it more than six months ago!

Anthony answered:

I could ask you the same question about my invisible Gap Daemon post

Ian Ord of Where Sidewalks Ends asked:

Ian looking FIT!

Nice one dude.. don’t crack now!  Question for you, dear friend: How did alcohol, or the absence of it, affect your interactions with others in situations where alcohol was present.

Anthony Replied:

Hey Ian! At first, I was blown away (that’s what SHE said) by how hard I found it to interact in a pub/club scene, or where people are drunk and I am not. I had myself down as a social butterfly, but I’d obviously like many others do – been using alcohol as a crutch for many years. Nuh-uh, not good enough and a complete cop out!

It was time to really get on top if it (that’s what she always says).

Rachel of World Flavor asked:

You mentioned before that a lot of people seemed resistant or angry about this challenge. Why do you think that is?

Anthony Replied:

I think it derives from low self-esteem and self-reflection. When you say you’re going to stop drinking alcohol, it makes the status quo question their relationship with booze – and many people don’t like the truth. If you do something different to the norm, you’re always going to have some resistance.

Fuck it, I say. Nothing is more important than personal happiness. NOTHING.

Alexandra from Crazy, Sexy, Fun, Traveler asked:

What has been the best thing about NOT drinking?

Anthony Replied:

Spending less money, feeling healthy, focused and truly living in the moment of a good time.

Lauren from Lola’s Travels asked:

Tell us, doll face, what were the top three things you learned from this challenge?

Anthony Replied:

1.) Many people (myself included, before this challenge) rely on alcohol to function on even a basic social platform.

2.) The worse natives when drunk, are without a doubt – my fellow Brits. We’re a polite bunch by nature, but we are taught and expected to suppress so much shit, that it all comes out through anger when drunk. I don’t think any country in the world has a more toxic relationship with alcohol than the UK.

3.) We owe it to ourselves to hang out with people, who accept us for what we are all about and who we are. I never gave anyone a hard time for being drunk, but I got a hard time for not being drunk. I’m all for piss-taking and giggles, but people who were relentless about it became a negative source of energy – and so I dropped them as friends or acquaintances. Don’t give energy to people who ask you to change who you are. Get out of there before neurons die.

Christine of C’est Christine asked:

I know that backpackers go crazy drinking cheap alcohol in SE Asia, but do you find that it was easier to do in countries with religions that prohibit drinking (i.e. Islam and Buddhism)? There are so many non-alcoholic drinks as well, with fresh fruit smoothies and juices and sodas on every corner. Would love to hear your thoughts!

What’s your new favorite non-alcoholic cocktail?

Did you encounter much peer pressure? What’s your favorite “I’m-not-drinking-so-leave-me-alone” excuse to end the conversation?

Anthony Replied:

Even though the religions prohibit drinking – it doesn’t really have much of an affect and the Thai’s drink pretty much every night. You’re bang on about the non-alcoholic beverages and I’d get through a watermelon, banana and strawberry shake on an average night out

The peer pressure was insane, but very much expected – but it has the reverse affect on me. I’ve tried all the excuses in the book; I’m on antibiotics right now (which became true anyway). I’m allergic to alcohol. I’m pregnant. I’m driving (which was often true, as I rented a motorbike).

“Tequila makes my clothes fall off and I don’t trust your pervy eyes,” is always a good one too. Or to really mess with them – say drinking violates your probation

The excuses only came when I couldn’t be arsed of course – I mainly told the truth and if they were offended by it, then I went and found someone cooler.

So What Now?

First and foremost – thanks to all of you lovable legends who participated in the interview.

Do I fancy a cold beer, while watching the sun go down on a paradise island? I can think of worse things to do! That WAS pretty much the plan, while giving myself a pat on the back and making sure I didn’t go back to my old ways. I was all for becoming a social drinker…

…That was until a mate of mine approached me with a fantastic idea. An idea that could actually change people’s lives for the better. People with very disadvantaged backgrounds. People who are hurting on all levels and would appreciate a helping hand. A chance to change the world and something to be proud of….

…announcement on Motivational Monday

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. Orangutans are only native to Indonesia and Malaysia and are found only in the rainforests of Borneo and Sumatra.

. Dominant adult orangutans have distinctive cheek pads and produce long calls that attract females and intimidate rivals.

. Orangutans are often solitary and their nickname is “person of the jungle.”

. Threats to wild orangutan populations include poaching, habitat destruction and the illegal pet trade

. Baby orangutans are insanely, pull-off-your-head-and-throw-it-in-the-sky kind of cute.

If you’re heading to Kuching at any tme, get the number 6 bus to Semenggoh and go and see some live animals in their own habitat. None of this zoo crap. It only costs £2 and the feeding is between 8am-12pm. Right at the end, a mother carried a baby on her back right past us – I feel so honoured to have experienced this.

I don’t know if he was saying it for dramatic effect, but the guide turned to me during this and said “remember you seen this, because they could become extinct soon.” Uuuuuugh

Let the pictures and videos do the talking:

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Yes. That’s right kids – as the title suggests; I have been defeated by the clock. Stick a big, fat “F” on my head for failure and throw me to the wolves. Unsubscribe, unfollow and unlike accordingly. Pretend that you never knew this loser and get on with your life (you included, Mam).

Failure. A quitter of the highest degree – a scourge on the plaque of a go-getting society.

So…which challenge did I fail? I currently have three going on. Maybe it was the travelling with hand luggage only challenge? Maybe the choice between my Nivea moisturiser and my devilishly scented aftershave was a little too hard to bare, and off I went to buy a 90 kilo backpack? Or a pink “Hello Kitty” suitcase on wheels?

Nay. I actually upgraded to a 40 kilo with deliciously perfect compartments. It could possibly be love.

Orrrrrr, maybe it was the no alcohol for 6 months challenge?? Maybe a group of alluring, Scandinavian, nympho-ladies, seduced me into their lair with a bottle of my favourite Argentine ‘Malbec’ wine, did devilishly bad things to me and played a part in throwing away 6 months of sobriety with only days to go?

Nope. They beguiled me with ‘Yorkshire Tea’ instead.

So that leaves only one, doesn’t it? Yes, that’s right – I have failed in my mission to grow a proper travelly beard. I had a dream…to rank amongst the greatest travelly bristles of them all and to walk with my head (and beard) held high, alongside The Shameless Traveler.

It was going so well, letting my beard grow to its natural state. I even found a few beard groupies, but deep down – it ITCHED. Itched so much that I couldn’t sleep at night and during the day, when the humid Malaysian sun bore down on me – it itched even more.

One itchy faced day, I walked past an Indian Barber shop. They are my favoutrite because they give you a free Indian head massage and crack your neck, once they’re done. I needed my head shaved anyway and so I checked out the prices on the menu. The Barber approached me and asked with a cheeky smile; “would you like your beard shaved, Sir?”

Saucy bastard. He had me at “would.”

And so I got a grade 0 shave on my beard. I’m not going to lie – I didn’t feel guilty at the time and I felt brand new, once I was beard-free and neck-cracked. I’m glad it’s gone, but I’m far from happy to fail a challenge for the first time in Man Vs Clock history.  Also, the thought of Nathan’s smug grin from As We Travel for out-bearding me is going to take some time to get over

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That’s a good start to the interview – but there is so much more that I can do with this. So here’s your opportunity – fire away. Wadda ya want to know, sweet cheeks? If you have a website/cause, you’ll receive a link back to your site – unless you’re a Sunderland, or Manchester United fan

Cheers, Anthony.

ecs oh ecs oh ecs oh.

(That’s what sold it for me; I have the bladder of a pregnant woman).

Last week I decided to add a new hobby to my list and took an ‘open water’ scuba diving course. Basically that means that once qualified, you can dive to as deep as 18 metres with a fellow qualified Scuba Diver. The qualification before that means you would have to be supervised every time you want to dive in the future – which doesn’t sound too fun to me.

How Much?

The 4 day course costs $420 in Borneo’s Damai beach resort – which is a little pricier than some others I checked out. Seeing so I was already so amazed by Borneo’s unique nature, lush greenery, spectacular jungles and lovely beaches – I thought there were worse places to be!

The main reason we took the course was because there is a sunken Japanese World War Two ship to see, but unfortunately it was 22 metres below the surface – meaning I’d have to get the advanced certificate after this qualification, in order to see it.

What Does the Course Consist of?

The Scuba Diving Course is intense. On the first day, you are given your text books and these are going to be your homework on top of all the other work you will be doing. You’ll find Scuba Diving surprisingly tiring and you’ll just have to make to time to read up on your newfound hobby.

One day will be death by video and arithmetic! I wasn’t too good at mathematics at school because it bored me. However, seeing so it was the end of the football season, I suddenly turn into an arithmetic genius and could tell you the 17 different permutations and league positions, if you were to give me a predicted result from a specific fixture!

This came in handy as the maths side is a lot to get your head around, but very important because diving too deep in close succession can be fatal.

The other three days are all practical and learning skills such as emergency exits from the water, safety stops, and saving your buddy should they have the unfortunate event of running out of air. The final test comes on the last day of the course. Your Scuba Diving instructor first demonstrates what they want you to do, and then you follow on to show you are competent.

You maybe should take it serious and not knock out a “YMCA” or “Saturday Night Fever” dance, every time you pass a test. Not that we did that or anything

As well as the questions in the book, you have to pass a 100 question test and get more than 75% to pass. I’d recommend practicing the maths side as much as possible, as there are a lot of questions on that side of Scuba Diving and it could one day save your life!

Final Thoughts

It’s always a pleasure to be around somebody who loves what they do and have a genuine passion for their trade. Our Instructor “Eng” was a breath of fresh air – a proper sweetie! She works six days a week diving and on her day off…..she goes diving!!

She had so much time for us and often helped us during out of course hours, making sure we understood the amplitude of new information that we had to process. I’m happy to have a new certificate to my name and also, I have been informed that she is now my “Borneo Mam.”

When you first squeeze into your wet suit, with your heavy tank on your back and awkward equipment in the blistering sun – you wonder what you’re letting yourself in for. But once you breathe under water for the first time and see the new world at the bottom of the ocean – it’s more than worth it! I’m really looking forward to being a legend of the seas again, hopefully in Indonesia – with Whale Sharks

Are you a scuba diver? Any recommendations for some of the best spots around the world? Do share!

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It doesn’t look very fun. In fact I know it isn’t – because I’m speaking from experience. I practice-packed a crazy amount of times before I left England and to say it was stressful would be a massive understatement. Determined to get this backpacking malarkey right, I even wore my pack on my days off work and constantly packed and unpacked after pounding my local pavements.

No matter how tightly I rolled my clothes, or rearranged my electrics – I always ended up squeezing my day sack into my bigger backpack with my foot and sitting on the top to fasten the buckles! I thought that was the only way. A necessary evil of this new life I had chosen, I told myself. And so I flew from London to Malaysia, and started my new life of being a human packhorse.

After half a year of living a semi-expat/semi-traveller life – I’ve just had enough! It’s just bloody huge (that’s what she said!) and a massive inconvenience, as I’m carrying around stuff that I hardly or never use.

After travelling to Borneo with Ian from Where Sidewalks End and boarding two planes, I felt an extreme feeling of envy towards him. I’m not talking about his magnificent groomed beard, or the ability to make ‘Air Asia’ air hostesses weak at the knees with that polite little Canadian accent. No – I’m talking about his minimalistic style of backpacking.

Ian travels the world with only a day sack and as I hauled my big and bulky monstrosity through a queue and gave my worldly belongings to a stranger, Ian skipped through with his pack and only had to go through one quick x-ray. Bish, bash, bosh – no worries.

After travelling around Kuching and secretly scowling at Ian through pure jealousy every time I had to put on my pack – I decided to make the commitment of becoming a minimalist backpacker. Off I stropped to my room and opened the contents of my backpack onto my bed.

I then eliminated items that I hadn’t used in a while, or took up too much unnecessary room. I then gave my stuff away, including my big backpack. Funnily enough, I got rid of loads of clothes on my very first week of my journey! I accidentally gave the wrong bag to a refugee centre and ended up giving away my favourite shirt.

**RIP Anth’s favourite shirt**

I tell you what, there’s one proper dapper refugee walking around Kuala Lumpur right now!

Predicted Pros and Cons:

Pros

Time

Less time waiting in airports because of checking in bags and waiting for them to come back.

My Trust Issues Won’t be Highlighted

I’m a control freak in some respects. I like to do things my way and I have always felt uneasy about waving bye-bye to my belongings and not really knowing where they go. Or who is in charge of them.

Cheaper

Less charges because everything I own will come on the plane with me

Lighter

My posture will no longer have to suffer when I go somewhere new. I opted for an impressive bio-flex, spine-supporting system when I bought my big backpack. I thought it was love when I first purchased my Berghaus. It only took a test week of living out of hotels in Newcastle city centre and the honeymoon period was well and truly over. It doesn’t stand up properly and even with the support, I still slouch with all my gear after walking miles in the blistering sun. Which also kind of takes the gloss of getting lost – because I like getting lost!

Cons

Less Options and Liquid Restrictions

I like wearing smart clothes on a night out, so I’ll have to choose wisely (or just roll tighter). Also, the rules on liquids are very strict worldwide for carry-on luggage. I still really miss the sacrifice of my favourite aftershave, so I’ll give a top secret to my male readers: “La Roue de la Fortune,” number 10 by Dolce and Gabanna. It turns women into beasts.

Thank me later.

That’s pretty much it. I’m committing to 3 months and I’ll see how I cope. I’m travelling with a 30 litre back pack now – I met a girl last night who has 30 litres just for her makeup and cosmetics!!! I may treat myself and upgrade to a 40 litre with extra volume, advice welcome! My fellow Brit mates Simon and Erin write a really helpful post on the same thing, they’ve been doing this for 26 months now and they swear by it.

Have you ever made this transition? Or are you one of these crazy 8 stone, petite ladies who carry around a backpack bigger than your actual body? Any tips, or 40 litre sacks recommendations would come in very handy. Thanks

Why aren’t you writing any posts? Have you got married to a lady boy? Also a fair question (although chicks with dicks is not my bag). However, my online absence was bound to get friends and family wondering why. Why the silence? Why go on an epic, indefinite around the world journey, only to drop off the radar and not provide any magical content to my blog. My obsession. My baby. Why, oh why?

Well, I didn’t fall in love with Chiang Mai so much that I wanted to stay here for so long and I didn’t wed a girl-dude. But what did ‘happen’ proved to be one of the most emotionally draining and self-defining moments of my life to date. Sit tightly, go grab your favourite beverage and I’ll tell you the story of one mans battle against himself, the odds…and a spontaneous boner!

Langkawi wasn’t what I expected, nor needed. It was no where near as cheap as my friend made out, I was losing money fast and advertisers seemed extinct over the Christmas period and internet connection on the island was frustratingly crappy. I had a lot of negative shit on my mind and like most people from my nation – I tried to drink my problems away. I was living on a duty-free island and I literally got hammered every night, forging shallow relationships that weren’t remembered in the morning. More importantly – I just wasn’t happy. Far from it – I was lost and didn’t like the person I was becoming.

One hungover morning, I decided to take ‘the mirror test’. I invented it a couple of months beforehand and it proved to be golden. Basically, I make piercing eye contact with myself in the mirror and honestly ask – the man staring back at me; do I like him? Would I like him as a friend? Is he a man of integrity, a man of his word? Does his actions meet his beliefs and values? Is there more he could be doing to make life better? Is he living the life he wants?

There’s no bullshit involved when you take the mirror test and the hypothesis was bleak; I hated the man staring back at me. He was throwing away his golden ticket that he’d worked so hard to get and even worse – he felt sorry for himself and was taking no action.

“Enough of this shit” I thought. I looked back at the man in the mirror and I decided that this was my Rocky Balboa moment. My very own Phoenix from the flames. The twinkle in the eye returned, I meant business. And so, I announced from a duty-free island; Six Months of Abstinence from alcohol. I then concluded that I needed to get the hell out of Langkawi, move to a cheaper place and somehow (completely unknown to myself) find a way of making money.

After talking to Kirsty and Poi about a place in Thailand where you can pick up apartments for £120 per month – my mind was made up and before you knew it, I became a Chiang Mai resident. Fast forward to Christmas day and a weird lump started forming on the inside of my bottom lip. I had been punched in Muay Thai training the week before, so I assumed it was because of that and just ignored it – until New Years Eve – where the lump doubled in size.

I was SO self-conscious, but still went out and decided to go straight to the Doctors in the morning. The Doctor took one look at it and then pulled out a scalpel. “you’re taking it off, now” I asked, trying not to sound too wimpy. “Yes” he casually replied, “might hurt a bit.” Doc then hovered over me with a wet snot dangling out of his nose, I thought “I hope to God he wipes his nose” – nope! Snotted on my cheek while he cut off my ugly lump, blood squirting all over. I’ve never felt sexier.

As weird and painful as all that was, I felt incredibly relieved. That was until 10 days later, when the lump returned even bigger than the last time. What the fuck? I didn’t waste any time and went to A and E – which turned out to be a good move. After keeping the Doctor up to date with the chronology of events, he sat me down and softly told me that the GP made an error and that I should have been referred to him – he was a plastic surgeon!

I asked a million questions, but he told me he couldn’t tell me anything until he’d removed my lump and studied it. The one question he answered was about permanent damage. I asked if there could be any to my lip and he said the chances were probable. My heart sank. I’m not known for having rippling biceps, rarely buttered up for my come-to-bed eyes. But one thing that female of the species have consistently complimented me on – is my lips. And here I was, being told that my weapons of mass seduction (baahahaha) were about to be potentially ruined in the morning. Bad times.

I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I never envisaged that I’d ever have, or need plastic surgery in my lifetime and didn’t know what to expect.

So there I was, in my hospital gown and cap and lying on the operating bed, desperately seeking a distraction. My first observation of Thai hospitals being the fact that the nurses outfits are way sexier than British nurses ensemble. They hug the body tight and have buttons going up the side of the dress, nice. I thought I was in a real life FHM magazine at one point. The doctor shot something cold into my veins and the last thing I remember is him asking me if I was related to the Princess (my surname is Middleton) and I drifted out of consciousness…

…I woke up, staring at the ceiling – feeling dopey, confused, in pain and extremely giggly. I sat up and the nurse asked me if I was ok. I asked her how long I’d been there, she told me I’d been sleeping three hours and I replied by bursting out laughing in her face. She kept asking me if I was ok and informing me that I really should lie down for one more hour.

I proceeded to stubbornly ignore her, sit back up in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. My lip ached every time I laughed, but whatever I was given to put me to sleep made me extremely giddy. “I’m fine” I announced and told her and her fellow nursing staff that I wanted to stand up and go home. I persisted and they finally agreed.

But I had ummmm…a problem. What happens to a man when he first wakes up? Any women who has had the pleasure of being ‘little spoon’ and waking up beside our fine creatures, will know only too well what I’m talking about. Yup, I had morning glory – loud and proud and it wasn’t going anywhere, but up. I don’t get embarrassed, but I thought I’d spare the ladies blushes and not show off my angry manhood. However, it was too late and one nurse pulled back my blanket and sat me up. She did a terrible job at hiding her awkwardness with her umm, ‘finding’ but then told me I should maybe lie down until I felt ‘better.’

Good skills.

One hour later and my uninvited friend had calmed himself down and the Doc came to give me a briefing of the operation. First he told me, with a smile on his face about my behaviour during anesthetic. Apparently, during surgery I:

. Hummed the Thai national anthem.

. Excitedly commentated on football and shouted “gooooooooooal” three times. Newcastle had thrashed Manchester United 3-0 the day before, so that made perfect sense.

. Told the two female nurses that they should fight to the death, for my phone number.

. Giggled as they cut into my mouth.

I have literally no recollection of any of this. Doc then showed me my face in the mirror, my lip was pretty messed up and to say I was worried would be an understatement. My anxiety grew even more when he told me he’ll see me next week for my SECOND operation. Second? Huh? Things got a little lost in translation, but apparently there was another lump beside by first lump and it would take a more complex operation to remove.

Not amused.

The hospital escort helped my wobbly self to the cashier and I had to pay a whopping £700! ($1100). It would have cost loads more in the UK for such an operation, but my hemorrhaging bank funds had me anxious. I couldn’t afford the second operation and so I discussed this with the very helpful staff, the outcome being if I wanted a cheaper operation the second time around – I’d have to go under the knife without being put to sleep.

I had no other option, and paid for my 2nd operation of plastic surgery. Fast forward a week later and I’m lying on the same hospital bed, with a numb mouth and a mask over my face with a peep-hole. My mouth clamped open, watching the Doc and nurses cut into my mouth, fearing for my vanity. It was about as comfortable as it sounds. I thought of my beloved cousin who went through multiple brain operations and staunchly kept telling myself to man the fuck up and suck it in.

But then, the mood of the room changed. I may not be fluent in Thai, but I am one intuitive individual and I noticed that the Doctor and his staff had found something in my mouth that made them concerned. Of course, I couldn’t ask anything as my gob was clamped open, so I had to wait until they were done – 90 minutes of agonising waiting.

When I got all cleaned up, the Doctor asked me to follow him into his room. Ever since I met him, he acted in a jovial and mischievous way – but he looked very serious and it worried me. He sat me down and said, “You have a tumor that has been growing in your mouth, we have to wait and see if it will grow back, or not.” Everything seemed to slow down around me and I couldn’t find anything intelligent enough to say, other than; “can I see it?”

**I even considered putting photos on here of the actual lump on my mouth, but figured it lacked class**

Sound insane, but I was so curious. Doc obliged and showed me – it was about half the size of a squash ball and I couldn’t believe it had been in my mouth for so long, no wonder I was in so much pain. I then asked “what KIND of tumor is it?” The Doctor told me that he wouldn’t know until the biopsy had taken place in nine days and told me to return then to “see if I had the mouth cancer.” Not the greatest bedside manners, but I think it was just a translation thing.

I walked home trying to decipher all of the recent information, while trying to work out my emotions. Was I sad? Scared? Not at all, but I think I was in a complete state of shock. The following nights I didn’t sleep at all and it all crept upon me out of nowhere. Something I thought that I never was and have been proud of not being – needy. Mr independent, I’m the king of my own world, new explorer extraordinaire was stripped down to the bare bones of humanity – and all I wanted was a hug.

This was the first time I felt lonely on the road. There’s something to be said about a proper hug and when I have problems back at home, I can deal with them but a cuddle from a loved one does go a long way. It’s not sexual when pets like to be petted. Dogs and cats need affection, to know they are loved and supported – humans are no different.

Mr Needy told a select few travel friends about the situation, but refrained from telling too many loved ones back home, at first. I carried on outside of my place with my best poker face, I made people laugh in groups, I made out everything was fine and that my life was a beautiful musical and every time I returned to my bedroom, I dropped the mask and felt completely miserable, drained and broken (and so fucking needy). One day when Skyping with my Mother, she asked me what was up. I told her nothing, but she persisted. You can bullshit the world, but you can’t bullshit your own Mam!

After coming clean to my Mother, I checked my bank account and seen I had only $229 left in the bank and hadn’t made any money in months (I also have no return ticket). I looked in the mirror at my mangled lips and sorry eyes and decided I fancied another Rocky Balboa moment. I had an idea that I had flirted with in my head for a few weeks, with regards to how to make a lot of cash and decided that I would move mountains and stay up for 2-3 days solid until the ball was rolling. I went downstairs and handed my landlady $200 for one more months rent; leaving only $29 to my name.

I stayed up for the next 72 hours, hustling and emailing the living shit out of people with my new idea (no, I’m not telling you what it was mwahaha). Every time I stopped – I felt needy and sad. So I just plowed into my work for a distraction and by the end of the week – I made $5k! Before that, my personal best in a month was $1050. A Rocky Balboa moment indeed!  But I still wasn’t completely happy. What’s the point in having money, if you don’t have health and happiness?

Judgement day came and I sat in the Doctors waiting room, waiting for the results of the biopsy. My name got called out and my hands were sweating. I had an awful feeling in my stomach which was probably acid, as I had barely ate since my negative state of mind. Also, it hurt to open my mouth, I just lived on chocolate and sipped tea from a straw!

As I entered, Doc was smiling and joking which I knew was a great sign. He told me that everything was ok, I did not have mouth cancer and that my freakish tumor was the biggest he’d seen in a mouth in 25 years of practicing medicine. I could have kissed him. The relief was so beautiful that I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to make it weird. It could have happened anywhere in the world at any time, but I just so happened to get a tumor when I left for my round the world adventure! Me and Doc exchanged emails as he told me he wants a photo of me swimming with whale sharks in Indonesia However, I was put under strict orders to stay in Chiang Mai until he is happy with my healing, which is now 100%. You can’t even tell I’ve had an operation on my lip – those guys at Chiang Mai RAM Hospital are amazing, the hospital is clean and of course the Thai smiles come as part of the package.

My appetite returned instantly and I stopped by the hospital restaurant for a celebratory meal. Life seemed a lot more colourful and I started noticing the charms that I had ignored in my misery. As I stood up, a girl chose the seat opposite me. Her eyes were grey with a hint of green, which suited her fair complexion perfectly. She had the potential to be so beautiful if she smiled, but she was obviously hurting on an emotional level.

“Are you ok” I asked, just assuming she spoke English. She replied in an Australian accent and told me that she is travelling with her Father who has heart problems and he’d had some kind of attack today. He was stable, but she was worried, rightly so. A tear ran down her cheek as she explained how she couldn’t get in touch with her Mam back home and what was supposed to be a Father/Daughter bonding, had turned into an emotional nightmare. There’s nothing I could say to make her worries lessen and without thinking, I asked; would you like a hug?”

Without even a hint of delay, she replied “yes, I would love one actually. Thank you” And there it was – the almighty hug in all of its glory. You can read all of the positive quotes in the world, but nothing says “you are not alone” like a proper cuddle! Humans thrive on touch and often suffer without it. A hug can break down barriers that no words can.

Moral of the story? Ummm, not quite sure. Hug people more? Even independent, solo-travelling gobshites get needy now and then? Take the mirror test? I’m not really sure, I just wanted to share this crazy moment in my life. One that I felt stripped me from all of the bullshit and asked me to reveal myself as the person I am and asked me to grow against the odds. I’m leaving here in one week and onto the next chapter. Chiang Mai will always be special to me – for the weirdest of reasons.

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This cute Burmese toddler melts my heart every time I see her. Today she decided she wanted not only my hat, but my flip-flops too! Too gorgeous

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I’m not sure where the ‘best’ place is, or if it truly exists – the beauty certainly is in the eye of the beholder. My answer now to such people wanting to escape the 9-5, taking mind-numbing trips to Tesco with the highlight of their week being a 2-for-1 deal on ‘Golden Grahams’ (OK, fair play – they are pretty God damn special) would be without a doubt:

Go and celebrate the ‘Sonkgran’ festival in Chiang Mai.

Songkran is the official Thai New Year….it’s also a national water fight.

Yes.

A NATIONAL WATER FIGHT! They say ‘boys don’t grow up – they just get taller’, and I couldn’t agree any more. I know you get me, Gents! I’ve sat in restaurants before, watching the kids run riot in the ball pool while I sit and pretend to care about mundane adult conversation. Smiling a fake smile while thinking “I don’t care about you and you work problems, or the state of the economy – I wanna play in the ball pool!”

Then there’s the times when people tell you that you’re ‘soooo good with kids’ because you’ve sat for hours and entertained them with their new toys – unknown to compliment giver, that you only did it to relive that childhood that slipped away from your grasp all them years ago. Then there’s the cutting words that shake the soul of any person with an enthusiastic spirit; grow up.

Big kids!

Songkran is the perfect excuse for reliving your childhood, living in the moment and collecting them feel-good vibrations that we humans crave. I’m not sure I can do it justice by words on a computer, but I can only try. Imagine going out in your street right now and everywhere you turn you are met with buckets of water (sometimes ice water) being thrown over your body, an abundance of kids with water pistols running by and shooting you with a delightfully mischievous “hehe!”

Envisage a traffic jam for 4 days, with people dancing on top of their cars and pockets of your city with foam parties on make-do stages…Imagine walking past a police officer and getting drenched from her and her Super Soaker 5000! That’s the experience that James from Nomadic Notes had. Don’t worry, James – I got her back good!

Chiang Mai’s Songkran festival is notoriously longer than other cities in Thailand (four days instead of two). And the beauty of it – the city has a bed of moat that the city is built around, meaning refills are quick and easy so that you can be back in battle in an instance. See the photo’s below to look at the revenge attack by a little girl, who has now been christened ‘The Songkran Ninja.’

I ambushed this cute little Thai lass with my most impressive stealth skills and got her good with my Super Soaker…

Happy in my battle victory, I paused for a pose with Ian from Where Sidewalks End - check out the karma attack by my opposing soldier…

The highlight of my four days was swimming in the moat with these super-cute (gaaaaah, hanging out with far too many North Americans, I never used to say “super” as an adjective) kids, who we trained to be elite Songkran soldiers with our guns – who turned on their mentors!

Ian taught his soldier to shoot men in the crotch, I taught mine to swim under water and have the barrel pointing out – so he could kill and not be killed. Our recruits revolution for their own army and dominance was reminiscent of ‘The Terminator’ movies, as our own creations became more intelligent and waged a spine-chilling war for freedom of the army – leaving James, Ian and myself completely unarmed.

But in all seriousness, as we left the children I experienced one of them beautiful and noteworthy moments that many travellers search for. The cute little kid who I trained (Under Water Songkran Ninja, statues will be made in years to come, I tell you!) told me to wait, swam to the bottom of the river, swam over to me with a big, beaming, teethy smile and handed me a snail shell. I’ll keep it forever.

I’m finding out that travel isn’t just about taking snaps of The Eiffel Tower and country collecting – it’s about them special moments that give you Goose Pimples and make your life that little more gorgeous. Not that there’s anything wrong with visiting landmarks, I’m climbing a mountain in Malaysia next month and can’t wait – but I do feel that there is so much beauty around us and that we are missing it on a regular basis. The other day I sat for an hour and watched a caterpillar escape from its cocoon and go off into the world as a butterfly. Amazing.

Anyway, enough about me and my new-found hippy serenity, let’s touch on some Songkran etiquette. Do you want to be a part of this next year? Fancy reliving that childhood? Here’s my take on how to have the greatest Songkran experience:

Songkran Etiquette For Dummies

Buy your weapons early

Oh how they laughed at me, when I enthusiastically bought my gun two weeks before Songkran. And oh how I laughed harder, when their last-minute crappy weapons malfunctioned or didn’t suffice!  :p I went through two guns until I found my baby – you’re in a free-for-all water fight for four days. Make sure you have the best arsenal at your disposal! I bet these are the same people who shop on Christmas Eve and complain about the queues

Book Early

Duh! Songkran is the biggest Thai festival and Chiang Mai is the most popular city for the event. Book your accommodation and flights as early as possible.

Manchester United Fans and arrogant girls who think they are hot, but are just really annoying and shallow

In that order, shoot them first.

Use your intuition

Some people are on their way to work and really don’t want to get wet. Use your intuition, and you’ll see who is not up for it – even though they are hard to find. Don’t squirt people on a motorbike with babies, don’t attack Monks and don’t face-shot when in close proximity. This is supposed to be fun, be wise.

Go hard, or go home!

Slight contradiction to the above? Allow me to elaborate. Listen, Princess. I know your mascara is like oxygen to you, but don’t be coming to the worlds biggest water fight and then start whining when you get wet! I know you’re used to the world revolving around you and getting your arse kissed, but today is not that day. And Princess, when you pout – it only makes me want to drench you even more. Songkran in Chiang Mai is not the place for party-poopers. Go hard, or go home!

Respect the meaning

To you it might be a water-fight – to the Thai’s it symbolises the cleansing of bad shit from the past and moving on to the next chapter in a positive light. You don’t have to be Thai to appreciate that, but don’t forget it and make sure you’re not trigger happy when the traditional ceremonies take place.

Don’t be a moat snob!

People get a little pissy (North American word again) when people squirt with moat water, go near the moat water, or even speak of the moat water. One guy lectured me for ten minutes about how it’s disgusting because you don’t know what’s going in your body…he said this with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Such beautiful ignorance, I’m almost jealous.

Man up, or shut up.

Only take waterproof cameras

Which is why I left my Sony Cybershot at home All photos here accredited to James from Nomadic Notes. Cheers, mate!

One set of clothing

It’s a bit minging to wear dirty-watered clothes for four days, but there really isn’t any point in wearing anything else as you can’t go ANYWHERE without getting soaked. Undress as soon as you return home, blast your battle clothes with fresh water and leave them to hang in the blistering sun.

Kindness is a boomerang

Help out a stranger who is less mobile than you and refill their gun, before refiling yours. I can 100% guarantee that this kind gesture will be repaid around this kind city.

Soak up every minute

James makes an excellent point, that the day after Songkran – he wandered the streets wondering if it was all a dream. I get that, I really get that. Make sure you live in the moment and soak up every bit of this crazy festival.

Final Thoughts

Would I go again? Yes, in a heartbeat but I hear it clashes with India’s festival of colours so I’m not so sure I’ll make it next year. I’m deciding to take a break from my projects and am moving on from Chiang Mai at the end of the month, as it was becoming boring and my wanderlust (and cabin fever) have been crazy-intense lately.

Songkran was the perfect send-off to me and let me tell you – I’m pretty hard to please. I’m the kind of guy who has huge expectations that are hard to be matched, as my imagination is always better. I’m the kind of guy who walks out of the cinema with despondency, as the gang I am with sooooo loved the movie that I predicted the ending to one hour into the movie.

Songkran ticked all the boxes and even made its own boxes. It surpassed my imagination on a grand scale and I feel so lucky that I was part of it. If you’re considering a visit next year, my advice – book the ticket now. I really doubt you’ll regret it.

Have you ever experienced a Songkran festival? What was your experience?

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