MANX MNEWS

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Tue, 01 Oct 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Boo was shy.

She didn't like having her photo taken.

As I've been going through and searching for

photos of her I find so many of the other cats

over the years.

Makes me sad to see that.

***

I never really knew exactly when she was born.

It was only a guess by the Vet at the time

way back in 2004.

So this date was chosen.

Goodness I miss that sweet little face.

A Letter For Boo

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Dear Boo,

It's been some time since we were last together.

It seems like it's been forever.

It seems like it was just yesterday.

Sometimes it feels like you were never here.

The empty spaces where you use to be sit

idly silent.

I can only look at your photos and remember

what once was,

and never will be again.

I miss you so very much,

as does Annabelle.

She has been so different since you left us.

It chills me to the bone,

because I fear something is wrong with her.

It's my mind tearing my heart apart.

***

You know, as you saw me often enough,

and heard me softly with all the regrets I've shared

in your presence over the losses that have happened

that in so many ways I don't have that with you.

Because you were so blessed until the very

last not to have had to deal with a lengthy

illness or suffer in any way.

It happened all so suddenly.

I know your life was filled with love

and pampering, and also thst you had lived

a long long life.

I couldn't regret any of it.

Only that one thing,

that one thing

finally your body couldn't overcome it and

I had to let you go.

***

The sadness is in the empty spaces

you once occupied. All of what we shared for

so many years. I know how long it took before

I could say Abby's name without tears,

and I fear it will be the same with you.

They say, grief is love with nowhere to go,

and that the price of deep love is

deep grief.

I'm here to say it's all true.

I miss you more than I can ever begin to express.

I look at those soulful eyes of yours in

photographs and long to reach out and touch you

again, and hold you close to my heart.

I can't reach you.

It hurts.

I know it always will.

My only solace is believing you are now

restored again to what you once

were and that you are happy and whole.

That one day, one day, you will

rejoice to meet me at the base of that Bridge.

Until then I love you always,

Mom

Buddy

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 15 Aug 2024 22:09:00 +0000

The above photo is of Buddy.

Buddy was a feral cat.

He had taken up residence here at my house

some years ago.

Buddy never allowed me to get close to him.

This is about as close as I could get.

Buddy with several of the outdoor cats who

have made housecalls here for food.

Another photo of them eating.

I found Buddy in a bad state a few days ago.

I really know nothing about Buddy.

What I saw of him here was that he made good

friends with another feral who I call Whitey

(because he is mostly a white cat).

They adore each other.

I think both of them feel the abandonment

of former owners who did not want them anymore.

But, Buddy left this world

8-12-24.

A cat who only left his mark on my heart.

But that was enough.

I know I couldn't do more other than to feed you

and give you the shelter I could offer.

I know you never went hungry.

I'm sorry this world wasn't fair to you Buddy.

I know you're in a much better world now.

One Day

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Today if it were possible my Grandmother would have been 124 years old.

She's been gone since 2001.

Time where does it go to?

Today also marks one month since Boo gained her wings.

Time where does it go?

One day.

We only have to take one moment

at a time, if that what it takes.

But one day,

the hole in my soul won't be as large

and hurt as bad.

I'll be able to feel more of the love

and less of the hurt.

One day.

***

I just miss you Boo.

I knew it would be hard.

Hard things are simply that: hard.

UPDATE:

I found this in my draft folder.

Now it's nearly a full year later.

It's no longer just a month since

Boo left, it's now 13 months.

I see how much I took her presence

for granted. She was just always here

for 20 years.

It's amazing how much of a difference

one little tuxie kitty can make in your

life.

I know no words can really be said,

that describe how much missing of one's heart

is, but there is a massive piece of mine gone.

I love you Boo.

Hope you give a nosekiss to your sister Abby

and let her know how much I miss you both.

Boo is home

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Mon, 17 Jun 2024 21:53:00 +0000

She's home.

😿

***

I love you Boo.

I miss you.

💔

One Week -- Thank you

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 04:00:00 +0000

A week has passed since Boo received her angel wings.👼

Not much has changed.

So much has changed.

Somehow the ebb and flow of time

wears away at you.

It's the first time I've only had one cat

(Annabelle) since 2004.

It's very different.

I miss Boo in ways I can't even begin to explain.

How disruptive it is to have a someone in

your life for so many years and suddenly,,

they've just gone away.

Poof.

Vanished into thin air.

One moment a beating heart,

and the next second none.

So many things can disappear in an instant.

But thank you to everyone who stopped by

with a kind word, a prayer or a purr,

each one meant a great deal to me.

More than I can possibly tell you.

***

I know we all find that as one day leads into

another, that to others the loss that is felt in

the household it happens in loses its punch.

It's forgotten.

That is just the way it is.

Doesn't matter the severity of how it dismantles

one life.

I'm struck by that, and I have been on both sides

many times. Until it embeds itself into your

inner sanctum it's hard to fathom.

***

Grief carries itself for a long time.

Its devastation is felt long after the

shock of it wears away and

everyone goes on with their lives.

I wish I knew an answer, but I've yet to find one.

I've been searching since I lost my Abby.

Now all 5 of the original cats are gone:

Abby (2013)

Gracie (2014)

Jinx (2021)

Ping (2023)

Boo (2024)

Can't wrap my mind around it all.

***

All of them so deeply loved,

and greatly missed,

and filled with gratitude for them blessing my time with them.

World Pet Memorial Day

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Tue, 11 Jun 2024 17:56:00 +0000

Boo

2024

Ping

2023

Jinx

2021

Gracie

2014

Abby

2013

The Closing Circle

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 06 Jun 2024 20:22:00 +0000

2004-2024

How do I sum up 20 years' worth of memories?

How do I express how much is within

that time frame?

I begin with where it began,

and it all began with her.

In 2004 some foolish person abandoned 3 cats near by

home and they were adopted by me and my husband.

Boo, Ping & Mr Jinx.

Jinx was the first to leave in 2021,

followed by Ping in 2023,

and now the circle is complete and

Boo is with her two brothers.

Boo was my final link to Abby.

Abby is my soul cat who left in 2013.

It's over, the circle has closed,

and has been completed.

My husband passed in 2021.

They're all gone now and together again.

I suppose the mission of this blog in keeping

Abby's memories are done.

Because there are no more memories to make.

But I had to give one last final homage to the one who started it all.

***

Boo you were such a quiet mystery.

When we first met you were elusive and standoffish,

and typically, feline.

But as time marched on and each cat left us,

more of your personality emerged and you began showing yourself.

Towards the final years you became more

affectionate and you stuck to me like glue.

***

There was never NOT a time though, that you were not

docile and sweet natured.

You rejected conflict with Annabelle who so enjoyed

bedeviling you

even to the morning of your final day.

Oh that bratty sister I can hear you meowing!

These last years you stayed close by to me following me

wherever I went and nestled up to me at night.

I have to tell you Boo last night was hard,

knowing you weren't here beside me anymore.

At least not physically, although I hope you stay close by spiritually.

Breaking those habits of seeing you every moment

will take me some time to process.

***

I find it hard to believe that there isn't a one of us who

doesn't question our decisions to say farewell.

Even though it's been in my general thoughts because of

advancing age, I knew your time was nearer.

What was unexpected was how suddenly things turned.

***

To give some insight, last year my Mothers 14-year-old Jack Russell

developed seizures. I saw the progression of what Muffy went through

and listened

to her Vet talk about what to expect.

A few weeks ago, Boo began having facial tics. They were

few and far between, but I kept watching her.

My main goal and concern was just keeping her

comfortable as she aged. I didn't want to subject her to

a lot of medical visits if I didn't need to.

But on Tuesday evening, 6/4/24 something very different happened.

She was sleeping next to me in a chair and suddenly she started

acting like she was going to vomit, she was drooling heavily

from her mouth and she lost her balance and became disoriented.

She was having a seizure.

***

It was all over very quickly but I knew things had changed.

After we went to bed, she had another attack.

Subsequently followed by more.

I knew.

That dreadful unflinching knowing.

From seeing what my Mothers dog went through I

knew where it was headed.

I didn't want it to get as severe as I had witnessed with Muffy.

***

I got an urgent care appointment on Wednesday (6/5)

afternoon

and my heart knew.

As I drove her to the Vet's office, that knowing feeling grew and grew.

I couldn't let her suffer with more attacks.

Even with medication, how much time was

I buying her? Was it for me or her?

I have been through enough losses that my decision was not to let

things get worse and not subject her to endless vet appointments

and needles and pills.

She was seemingly fine while the Vet examined her.

I had videoed her last attack.

I shared it with the Vet.

The Vet knew too.

But she offered me a few options.

None of them offered anything but maybe

a small amount of time.

***

Did I want to make that decision to a cat that seemed

OK right at the moment.

NO! I didn't.

Every fiber of my being wanted to grab her and run out the door.

I didn't want to leave with an empty carrying case.

I just knew it was all so unfair.

Unfair to her to continue on and unfair to let her go.

I had to choose, and I did.

I let her go...

As it turned out I was the final person in the office,

and as I left,

with my empty carrier,

the rain was falling like the tears down my face.

***

Part of me feels settled with the decision because I know Boo had a

long and happy life.

But it's never enough.

Even though rationally I know I did the right thing, my heart doesn't

feel that way.

Hard decisions are hard.

***

I loved you for so many years, decades, and you loved me.

That love doesn't die, I know this.

It will live on inside of me until I am reunited again with all

of my boys and girls.

But it hurts like hell.

I've gone through a lot of loss, and it never gets easier.

The older you become the more the losses add up.

***

It's always hardest on the ones left behind.

We have to live with just memories of what once was.

Face a future with the absence of that which our heart

was deeply attached to.

Even though I have great gratitude for all the years,

the bitterness of the loss will hurt for some time to come

Until the heart forms it's scar tissue over that wound

and the memories will be more comforting than hurtful.

***

I know that the loss of my girl won't change the world,

but it changed my world, and it's gotten much bleaker

without her.

She was an angel while she was here and now, she's an angel

with fine silk gossamer wings.

Her health has been restored and she young again

with a beautiful coat that shines like silk

as in the photos above of her in her prime,

and she's happy.

I will tell myself these things and believe them.

For that is what I want for her.

***
Boo I miss you.

Boo I remember that day twenty years ago,

of you dashing across the yard like a rocket through the air,

you were so fast.

You raced the wind,

now you can again.

I will always remember you racing to me that day.

It's etched in my mind like the beauty of a sunset.

I've keep looking for you, but I can't find you.

You were just here and now you're not.

I know one day I'll be ok, just not today,

and maybe not tomorrow either,

or even weeks from now.

But soon.

I love you my sweet girl.

I just love you.

💗💗💗

Thank you Ann for the lovely badge.

Thank you to Meerier's Mews for the

lovely tribute.

A Decade Later

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sun, 11 Feb 2024 20:20:00 +0000

Today, I remember you.

I remember this day, from 10 years ago.

10 years!?!?!?

See that beautiful face?

10 years ago I knew we only had precious moments left.

The appointment had been made for 4 pm.

I soaked in that February afternoon with you.

I knew it was time.

You were suffering.

It was so hard for you to breathe with all

that fluid.

I had done the procedure to remove the fluid from

your lungs only the day before and your Vet and I

agreed if it came back there would be no more of

that hardship for you to endure.

It was hard to come to that realization.

That medicine could not help you any more.

You were so young.

It was so unfair.

You should have had more time.

I needed you to have more time.

But, my sweet Gracie Grace, we both ran out

of time and I held you as you left this Earth on

this day in 2014.

I miss you my dearest little tabby girl.

I always will.

One day I pray to hold you again.

And this time, we won't ever be parted.

Love you forever and ever.

~Mom

One Year Ago

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 06 Jan 2024 05:00:00 +0000

It was one year ago today that you picked to leave me

here and go on up ahead in your next journey.

But I am reminded so much of you.

and I do miss seeing your handsome face.

You were a real character, a sweet

imperfect angel.

Oh those eyes.

Oh those whiskers.

There will never be another Ping.

***

We all still miss you

and know in our hearts you are

running and jumping and sailing through

the air with ease like you always did

with your acrobatic abilities.

Wait for us.

One day, one day,

we'll join you in your idyllic world.

And all of us will be together forever.

💋💋💕💋💋

When A Heart Breaks

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 04:00:00 +0000

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as like they're here to stay

oh I believe in Yesterday.

~Lennon & Mccartney

***

Yes, it does seem like Yesterday, but indeed today

marks 10 years.

10 years?

How?

Where did the time go?

I spent some time,

just recently,

going through the entire postings

from late July 2013 until

the end of August 2013.

I haven't ever done that.

I have to confess,

I wasn't able to go through

every post even now.

You know my dearest Abby,

you are never far away in my thoughts.

I miss you just as much this day, as I did the moment your spirit

left your body in my arms.

And there are moments when I still have that gut punch and I

feel the tremendous loss of you all over again,

but those moments are fewer and far between.

You taught me so much over these past ten years.

You helped me let Gracie go with the understanding it was

best for her rather than fighting a losing battle.

I learned from you that Jinx would tell me in his own

way that it was time to depart and I gave him his wish.

And finally Ping...oh Ping what a guy he was.

You taught me about Grief and Unconditional Love.

So many lessons. Many I'm still learning.

Boo is not far behind all of you, and although she is doing

well for now, I know her time is short.

Then you all will be together again, the Fab Five.

Which will be another big moment in my life.

I know that I need no words to tell you this, because from

my heart to yours there is no need of words.

But I began this blog for you, and I kept it going after you left,

for a while at least. Until it became too hard to keep going.

Wait for me my special one.

Wait for me just up ahead.

One day will be my day to join you.

I can't wait to see you reach up

and put your paws around my neck

like you used to do, so many years ago.

I love you, Abby.

I love you more than stars in the sky,

and water in the oceans.

I love you beyond this universe.

Into that great beyond,

and by God,

I will be with you there

one day.

💗💗💗

I love you to the Moon 🌙

and back

again🌟

and again

🌙and again.

💜💜💜

Another turn around the sun

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 03 Aug 2023 04:00:00 +0000

Today's it's your birthday!

My beautiful girl is 12.

I can't believe how quickly

the time has gone.

She still seems like a kitten.

Happy happy birthday Miss Annabelle!

Mama Mina

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 04:00:00 +0000

I'll always remember lil mama.

Mina.

Happy Angelic Birthday Abby

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 01 Jul 2023 04:00:00 +0000

Happy Heavenly birthday.

She'd be 24.

One Week

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 19:35:00 +0000

It's been a week.

***

It's hard to wrap my head around everything.

There was really no warning that anything was

imminent. I was in complete shock. I found him

semi conscious last Friday morning and rushed

him to the Vet, and there wasn't anything they could

do that wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome.

***

I miss him so very much.

Even though I knew, with him being 20

his days were much shorter.

Still, when it happens you're never prepared.

I'm just now finally getting my feet

back under me.

But it isn't about me.

Or maybe it is?

I'm the one still here,

and he isn't. So I have to deal with

how everything plays out.

***

I wish they never had to leave us.

Hold your kittens tightly,

you never know.

You just never know.

***

I'll Be Seeing You

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sun, 08 Jan 2023 17:51:00 +0000

I''ll be seeing you

in all the old

familiar places...

That this heart of mine embraces

all day through....

I'll be seeing you

in every lovely summer's day

In everything that's bright and gay...

I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you in the morning sun

and when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon

But I'll be seeing you.

It will take awhile for me to be able to process

the enormity of Ping being gone.

You'd think you get 'use to' losses,

but each one hits you like a ton of bricks.

The GriefMonster pulls up to your door

and surprises you with a bag full of

new and powerful emotions.

All of those familiar everyday occurrences

suddenly greet you and smack you

across the face,

and your faced with an empty space

where someone you loved used to be.

***

Grief is so multifaceted.

You don't lose just once

you lose every single day.

Each one is a new prick of the heart.

***

Ping was such a character.

He really was.

I considered him my 'movie star' cat.

He was so photogenic and

so handsome. He was very insecure though.

He carried that his entire life.

But he was a good loving boy.

He never lost that either.

But now he has rejoined his brother Jinx

who went before him by 14 months.

I envision him restored to his

youthful form, running and jumping

and playing with all of his

friends and family who were there

to greet him as he came across the beautiful

Rainbow Bridge.

***

I will miss him.

20 years wasn't enough.

Ping Forever

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 07 Jan 2023 17:09:00 +0000

Thank you to Ann from Zoolarty

for the lovely graphic for our beloved Ping.

***

1/1/2003

1/6/2023

***

It's been said,

"time heals all wounds",

I do not agree.

The wound remains.

In time,

the mind,

protecting it's sanity,

covers them with scar tissue

and the pain lessens.

But...

it is never the same.

Bestest Boy Ever

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Fri, 06 Jan 2023 18:16:00 +0000

Bestest Boy Ever

1-1-2003 ~ 1/6/2023 12:24pm

***

Clearly,

we grieve the one we lost.

What many don't understand

is that it's only part of it.

We grieve what we had,

and all we shared.

We grieve all the important

things that they will miss.

We grieve the future

we were supposed to have together.

We grieve.

***

I just can't talk about it right now.

Lessons from the Cat & the Christmas Tree

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Twinkle

Share your gifts;

Bring JOY to others;

Be a light in the darkness;

We all fall over sometimes;

You were born to SPARKLE,

even if your garland's a little droopy sometimes;

AND

It's okay to be a little tilted.

Merry Christmas to all

Happy 19th Birthday Boo

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 01 Oct 2022 20:09:00 +0000

Happy birthday Boo!

It was surprising but she turned 19!

***

It's a beautiful sunny day here today, which is not

at all unusual after a Hurricane passes by.

Sort of like a vacuum cleaning sucking up

all the debris.

***

Hurricane #Ian will be one for the record books.

Especially for SW FL.

I for one cannot even fathom what it must be like

to find your entire world destroyed as savagely as

Ian did to the SW FL coastline.

I am sure once all everything is recorded we will

find the topography of the coastline is forever changed.

It is going to take years to rebuild, if it is rebuilt.

I suspect there are a lot of folks who will

never rebuild on an barrier island.

My heart breaks for those people.

I cannot put into words how sad I am for

incredible destruction that happened to my state.

It began in SW FL but there was so much more

throughout the state, and it's not done yet.

All the water is still flowing up and out

to the Atlantic and causing flooding, and

infrastructure failings to happen. On I-75 near Ft Myers

the traffic was being diverted because a levee failed

and flooded, homes within the area had to be evacuated.

It's just beyond words.

***

Locally we had minor flooding, and that even feels

odd to say "minor". If it was your home with even

inches of water, you had to take your flooring up

and drywall out of the walls and furniture was lost.

It's miniscule compared to your home being washed

away but it's hard nevertheless.

***

I hate Hurricanes. Being what is now considered elderly

and alone I feel a lot more vulnerable than ever before,

even though I lived my entire life in this state.

The season isn't over yet either.

Another wave came off Africa, where it heads

no one knows.

I'm not sure Ian is finished yet.

It might have impacts to New England depending

on where it ultimately goes.

***

It's ironic, Boo, Ping & Jinx went through Hurricane Charley

in 2004 with us and it literally took the same path as

Ian. Now 18 years later it's just Boo & workshop cat Ping

still with me dealing with this again.

Hope things are better in your part of the world.

We'll be fine, for now at least, even if we feel more

vulnerable than ever.

***

Happy birthday to my sweet loving Boo,

who got evacuated with me (and Annabelle) during Ian.

And So It Is

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Mon, 05 Sep 2022 04:00:00 +0000

I really don't know how to begin this post.

There's a lot I wanted to write down but

the words seem to be hard to come by.

***

In 2005 I started blogging because I wanted

a journal about Abby. I wanted something

that was as permanent as it could be, and it

turned into a great deal more than just talking

about Abby, but it was borne in the idea that she

was the thing it all centered around.

When I lost her, I went down a very steep dark

road, and it's been a rocky one ever since.

My life has been no harder or easier than

anyone else's but we all deal with things

differently. I chose to share some of my deep

inner insecurities and sadness and I know

that isn't 'fun' read by any stretch of the imagination.

***

But, things have changed.

Blogging has changed.

Life is so different.

And so much harder.

There are so very few of the us

left who began

cat blogging from the mid-2000's,

and most all of the cats,

if not all,

have all gone to

the Rainbow Bridge.

Every single cat that passes over,

I feel a deep sadness over,

as I'm sure you

do as well.

Maybe some more than

others because you knew them more.

But I feel the loss because of my own

cat losses,

and we all know the feelings

that come out when we have to say

farewell.

***

I think I've come to the conclusion

that it's time to take a pause.

Maybe a fork in the road.

I didn't want to leave and not explain

because I look back at the list on my feeds

and see so many blogs and one day

they stopped.

I still wonder why.

(Still wondering)

***

I feel I owe you,

those of you who

drop by a final word.

I've stepped back so much from social media

because there is so much struggle

and sadness I carry inside.

I've finally come to understand a great deal

of it but I still carry it.

A lot of days it grows heavy to

carry it.

And it's made me draw inward more

than ever, and then of course

the entire world was forced to draw inward

because of Covid19 and that only made

life more isolating.

***

I know that by drawing myself off I was

not seeing much traffic, and I really do

understand that. But it's a self filling prophecy

that when you do "x", "y" happens.

And it did for me.

It was my doing by not engaging that led

to not being engaged with.

***

So I think a hiatus is called for.

I will post from time to time, I still feel so

strongly that it is the story tellers who

keep alive the memories of those who

have gone before and I owe it to my Abby,

to post the days of most significance.

And also the others cats as well.

***

I thank all who have read this and who have

come and visited with us.

I apologize for not being a better visitor to you

because I wasn't able to do it.

But I do cherish all the memories.

Keep well.

Keep strong.

Onward...

Caturday Art

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 03 Sep 2022 04:00:00 +0000

Annabelle is joining the beautiful

Athena for this week's

CATURDAY ART

blog hop.

See you all there!

Caturday Art

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Sat, 27 Aug 2022 04:00:00 +0000

Annabelle is joining the beautiful

Athena for this week's

CATURDAY ART

blog hop.

See you all there!

TBT

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Thu, 25 Aug 2022 04:00:00 +0000

March 2006

I can stand by this window and close

my eyes and see you sitting in the window sill.

I wish when I opened my eyes you

were still there.

I love you Abby.

I miss you

everyday.

#TBT

Boo Hoos

noreply@blogger.com (ANGEL ABBYGRACE) — Wed, 24 Aug 2022 04:00:00 +0000

Boo-licious