Tonight, over a couple of cocktails, one of my good friends spilled her guts to me about all of her failed attempts to find the perfect lover.  Although her story was about her unique personal experiences, I couldn’t help but feel like I had heard the same story told by others in completely different circumstances a hundred times before.

It’s a story about the endless quest for perfection.  And I think it carries a valuable life lesson, so I’d like to retell it to you in my own words.

The Perfect Woman

Once upon a time, an intelligent, attractive, self-sufficient woman in her late twenties decided that she wanted to settle down and find a husband.  So she journeyed out into the world to search for the perfect man.

She met him in New York City at a bar in fancy hotel lobby.  He was handsome and well spoken.  In fact, she had a hard time keeping her eyes off of him.  He intrigued her.  It was the curves of his cheek bones, the confidence in his voice, and the comfort of his warm, steady hands.  But after only a short time, she broke things off.  “We just didn’t share the same religious views,” she said.  So she continued on her journey.

She met him again in Austin a few months later.  This time, he was an entrepreneur who owned a small, successful record label that assisted local musicians with booking gigs and promoting their music.  And she learned, during an unforgettable night, that not only did they share the same religious views, he could also make her laugh for hours on end.  “But I just wasn’t emotionally attracted to him,” she said.  So she continued on her journey.

She met him again in Miami at a beachside café.  He was a sports medicine doctor for the Miami Dolphins, but he easily could have been an underwear model for Calvin Klein.  For a little while, she was certain that he was the one.  And all of her friends loved him.  “He’s the perfect catch,” they told her.  “But we didn’t hang in the same social circle, and his high profile job consumed too much of his time,” she said.  So she cut things off and continued on her journey.

Finally, at a corporate business conference in San Diego, she met the perfect man.  He possessed every quality she had been searching for.  Intelligent, handsome, spiritual, similar social circles, and a strong emotional connection – perfect.  She was ready to spend the rest of her life with him.  “But unfortunately, he was looking for the perfect woman,” she said.

The Story of Our Lives

As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend, or lover.

The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  Because life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing.  What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow.

That perfect house, job, friend, or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection.  Thus, the closest we can get to perfection is the experience itself – the snapshot of a single moment held forever in our minds – never evolving, never growing.

So rather than chasing an imaginary perfection, let’s  start chasing life by flipping past the imperfections found on the cover of every entity we encounter and into the blank pages of possibility waiting beneath the cover that will eventually tell the story of our lives.

With a little patience and an open mind, over time, I bet that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home.  That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career.  That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on.  And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.

Photo by: Farfie

What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.
- JW von Goethe

Yes, your goals are within reach.  In fact, achieving them is a simple process.  It just requires commitment and action on your behalf.

1. Set your sights on a clear goal – What is it specifically that you want to achieve?  Write it down if you have to.
2. Focus on one thing at a time and pick the next logical task – Ask yourself, “What can I do right now that will bring me one step closer to my desired goal?”
3. Educate yourself – What knowledge and skills are required to complete the task you chose in step #2?  Keep it simple.  Everything else can be learned along the way.
4. Start now – Why haven’t you started?  START!!!
5. Say “NO” to distractions – Is the phone ringing?  Door knocking?  Dog barking?  Unless the house is burning to the ground, IGNORE IT ALL!!!
6. Review and adjust – Are you making progress?  If yes, see the next step.  If not, why not?  Are there any small adjustments you need to make?
7. Press on until the task is complete – Revisit steps #5 and #6 as required.
8. Repeat – Once the task you chose in step #2 is complete, it’s time to repeat all the steps for the next logical task.  Revisit your goal in step #1 so it’s fresh in your mind, choose the next logical task, educate yourself as necessary, etc.

Note:  For complex, long-term goals, I tackle one simple task every day.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Photo by: Zach Ancell

Whether you’re planning a four hour road trip or catching a flight to the other side of the world, you have limited space in your suitcase.  So pack these practical, space-saving, multi-function items and you’ll always be prepared without the hassle of lugging around additional gear.

1.  Smart Phone with GPS – A smart phone is an information and communication portal that will likely save your rear end someday.  My smart phone has certainly saved mine a time or two.  Here are some of the basic functions of most modern smart phones:

• Phone
• Maps and GPS
• Internet access (Google, email, etc.)
• Camera
• Can be used in the dark as a flashlight
• Clock (with an alarm)
• Calculator
• Note taking (voice recorder)
• Music and movie player (for entertainment)

2.  Hand Sanitizing Wipes – In my mind, hand sanitizing wipes are essential tools that prevent me from infecting my body with germs on a daily basis.  They have several practical functions:

• Clean hands and other body parts
• Disinfect small cuts and scrapes
• Clean various surfaces (public toilet seats, gas pumps, windshield, etc.)
• Remove small stains from clothing, upholstered furniture, etc.
• Remove makeup

3.  Spare Wallet with Identification and Cash – Let’s recite the Boy Scout motto: “Always be prepared.”  If you lose your primary wallet when you’re hundreds of miles from home, it’s nice to have a back-up plan.  Find a safe, hidden place to stash your spare wallet when you arrive at your destination. While this isn’t a multi-function item in the traditional sense, it can save you so much grief when disaster strikes that it’ll seem like the most functional item in the world.  There are four things I keep in my spare wallet:

• $100 cash
• Spare photo identification
• $100 prepaid visa
• Emergency phone numbers (just in case I lose my phone too)

4.  Credit Card Size Survival Tool – It’s the size of a credit card, made of rugged stainless steel, and has several practical functions including:

• Knife edge
• Screwdriver
• Ruler
• Can opener
• 4 position wrench
• Butterfly screw wrench
• Saw blade

5.  Large Zip-Lock Bags – A large zip-lock bag has hundreds, if not thousands, of practical functions when you’re on the go:

• Keep leftovers fresh
• Keep dry things dry when you’re around water (wallet, electronics, etc)
• Separate dirty, smelly clothes from clean clothes in your suitcase
• Lunchbox
• Organize things like socks, toiletries, small electronics, etc.

6.  Rubber Bands – Rubber bands are simple, functional and versatile.  There is an endless list of practical uses for a rubber band including:

• A simple wallet replacement – Just wrap a rubber band around your cash and cards and stick them in your pocket.
• Keep any wires or small objects in your suitcase organized and untangled.
• A bookmark
• Use a rubber band to strap an injured finger to a firm stick or piece of cardboard until it can be properly casted.
• A safety strap for eye glasses

7.  A Bottle of Water – Water is essential to life, so it’s probably a good idea to keep some with you wherever you go.  And similar to an empty zip-lock bag, water has hundreds, if not thousands, of practical uses:

• Drink it when you’re thirsty
• Cleaning/rinsing agent (lots of possibilities here)
• Pour it into your rental car’s cooling system if it’s overheating.
• Put out a small fire (non grease or electrical).

8.  Leatherman – It’s the all-in-one multi-tool you should never leave home without.  These little tools can handle a plethora of different jobs.  When traveling, I try to keep my Credit Card Size Survival Tool on me at all times (except in airplanes) and my Leatherman secured in my suitcase just in case I need it.  I personally own the Leatherman 830039 (linked above) and I love it.  Here are a few of it’s functions:

• Screw driver
• Bit driver
• Pliers
• Wire cutters
• Knife
• Scissors
• Wood/metal file
• Ruler

9.  Multi-Use Car Charger – Because a cell phone with no battery juice is useless when your car breaks down on the side of the road during a long road trip.  My multi-use car charger (linked above) allows me to charge up to four devices at once.  This unit turns one auto cigarette lighter port into two, has two USB charging ports, and provides a heavy-duty 20 amp capacity.

• Charge your phone
• Charge your camera
• etc.

10.  A Lighter and a Candle – It’s always a good idea to have the capability to create fire just in case you need it.  This one is simple:

• Light
• Heat
• Cooking

11.  Large Ace Bandage – Lots of practical uses including:

• Compression on a injured limb
• Bandage for an open wound or burn
• Tie things together
•  Scarf
• Makeshift glove or grip

12.  Small Roll of Duct Tape – Duct tape solves everything.  ;-)  If you’ve tried using duct tape and you’re still having problems, you just haven’t used enough of it.  Duct tape may very well be the second greatest invention after the hammer.  I’m not even going to attempt to summarize the extensive list of practical applications for duct tape.

Do you think we left an essential item off of the list?  Let us know about it in the comments section below.

Photo by: Pragmagraphr

We can’t solve problems by using the same kind
of thinking we used when we created them.
- Albert Einstein

Never Forgive Him

She showed up at my front door before work at 7AM this morning with the most troubled, despondent expression on her face (which is not typical of her disposition).  “I’m sorry I didn’t call,” she said.  “But I haven’t slept all night, and I really need to talk to someone.  I just need some advice.”

I invited her in and poured her a cup of coffee.  “So, what’s on your mind?” I asked.

“Last night, my husband told me something about his college years that he never told me before,” she said in a shaky voice.  “And I completely disagree with his actions.  It’s horrible, really… and I just can’t stop thinking about it!  I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive him.”

“Well, before you tell me anything else… Why do you think your husband confided in you?  I mean… Why do you think he told you?”

“I don’t know,” she replied.  “I guess he finally trusted me enough to tell me.”

“Did he commit a crime?”  I asked.

“No.”

“Was anyone physically hurt by his actions?”

“No, not really.”

“So, how do you feel about him right now?  Do you still love him?”

“Of course I do,” she replied.

“And whatever he did back in college, do you think he learned his lesson?  Or do you think he would do it again?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fairly certain he learned a big lesson,” she replied.

“Okay, so let me get this straight… Last night your husband finally felt that he trusted you enough to tell you about a dark secret from his college years.  And although somewhat unsettling, he didn’t hurt anyone, and you think he learned his lesson – which means he grew emotionally from the experience.  And to top it off, you’re still completely in love with him.  So what exactly can you never forgive him for?”

She sat in silence for a second, made a crooked half smile, and then shook her head.  I mimicked her facial expressions and shook my head back at her.

Then she started laughing.  And so did I.

More About Us, Less About Them

Sometimes the problems we have with others – our spouse, parents, siblings, etc. – don’t really have much to do with them at all, because these problems are actually about us.

And that’s okay.  It simply means these little predicaments will be easier to solve.   We are, after all, in charge of our own decisions.  We get to decide whether we want to keep our head cluttered with events from the past, or instead open our minds to the positive realities unfolding in front of us.

All we need is the willingness to look at things a little differently – letting go of ‘what was’ and ‘what should never have been,’ and instead focusing our energy on ‘what is’ and ‘what could be possible.’

Because, as my friend discovered this morning, sometimes the only problem standing in our way is the one we created in our head.

Photo by: Phil H.

You don’t always have to work hard to be productive.  Productivity can simply be the side effect of doing the right things.

So here’s a list of 29 semi-productive things I do online when my mind is set on avoiding ‘real work.’

1. Check delicious popular tags like ‘useful,’ ‘tutorials,’ ‘tips,’ ‘howto,’ ‘advice,’ ‘entrepreneurship,’ etc. for interesting, educational articles to read.
2. Watch one of the thousands of educational videos streaming at TED.com, Academic Earth and Teacher Tube.
3. Read an online book list and find a new book to grab next time I’m at the library.  Here’s another list.  And another.  And another.
4. Read a classic book online for free at Project Gutenberg, Planet eBook, or the E-books Directory.
5. Research a new Do It Yourself project at DIY Network, Instructables, eHow, or WikiHow.
6. Add to, delete from, or just generally sort my ongoing to-do list at Remember The Milk.
7. Create a cool graphical mind map of some of my recent ideas at bubbl.us.
8. Email a close friend or family member I haven’t spoken to in awhile.
9. Backup my recent photos, documents, and other important files online using Microsoft’s free 25 gig SkyDrive.
10. Use Wikipedia’s random article function to pick a random article to read.
11. Touch up on my math and science skills over a the Khan Academy, MIT OpenCourseWare, or LearningScience.org.
12. Send a paper greeting card directly to a friend or relative at enGreet.
13. Start learning a new language online for free at BBC Languages or Livemocha.
14. Watch one of the insightful 6 minute and 40 second presentations at Ignite Show.
15. Use Memorize Now to memorize a cool joke, or poem, or whatever.
16. Use Media Convert to convert video files I have on my computer into a format I can view on my iPhone or iPod later on.
17. Listen to an educational podcast over at Odeo or via iTunes on iTunes U.
18. Read one of the academic journals at the Directory of Open Access Journals.
19. Share my favorite mp3s, photos, videos, etc. with friends and family using drop.io.
20. Get a free college education online using this guide from Lifehacker (or read one of the other useful articles on Lifehacker).
21. Inspire and spark my creative mind by looking at a rolling slideshow of the highest rated photos on Flickr for the last 7 days.
22. Catch up on a short history lesson at HyperHistory or The Internet History Sourcebooks Project.  Or find out what happened today in history.
23. Take a fun, educational online quiz at Quizlet.
24. Play an educational online game at Lumosity, Sporcle, Games for the Brain, or Math Run.
25. Add a little gentle rain to my environment using RainyMood.com and then simply meditate and relax in my computer chair for 10 minutes.
26. Sell old stuff I no longer need on eBay and make a little extra cash.
27. Find a new musical artist to listen to based on music I like at Grooveshark, Pandora, last.fm, or Deezer.
28. Find out what’s happening in our world from quality international news sources like BBC News and Reuters.
29. Write a blog post like this one.

What kind of semi-productive things do you do online in your off-time?  Please share them with us in the comments section below.

Photo by: Colorblind Picaso

Her First Subscriber

“How did you do it?” she asked.  “In a sea of blogs that never make it, how did you start a personal blog that attracted the attention of 10,000 subscribers?”

I chuckled.  “You know, I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around that one myself.”

“Come on, Marc,” she insisted.  “I’m being serious here.  I’m getting ready to start my own blog and I’m nervous about failing.  I want to cross all my T’s and dot all my I’s – I don’t want to start it until I know how to do it right.”

I stared at her for a moment.  “Well, one Sunday evening a few years ago, I made a decision to write an article about something that inspired me, and then I published it on my blog.  And every Sunday evening since, I’ve made a similar decision.”

“That’s it?” she asked.  “No launch plan?  No design tweaks?  No marketing?”

“No, at least not initially,” I replied.  “I did a little tweaking later on down the road, but by then my blog already had a catalog of articles up online.  And most of the tweaks were based on reader feedback and analyzing visitor stats to see which articles were attracting the most attention.”

“So you think I simply need to start writing, right now… about the things that inspire me?”

“Yeah,” I replied.  “The only way you can fail is by not writing – by waiting around until you have the perfect plan before you start.  Because ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.  It isn’t human.  It isn’t you.

She smiled and said, “Thank you.”

Later that afternoon, she emailed me a link to her first published blog article.  And I became her first subscriber.

What’s the core purpose?

The hardest part, I have found, of creating something new – a website, a product, a technology – is simply the act of starting.  We let our creative minds get so caught up in planning and designing idealistic requirements and prerequisites for our new creation, that we drastically hinder the actual process of creating it.

What stops most people from starting with a less than perfect plan or product is the fear of failure.  There’s a common misconception that if you don’t get it done exactly right the first time, your creation will fail and all efforts will be lost.  That without this feature or that tweak, there’s no point at all.  Nonsense.

The truth is that every successful creation or innovation has a foundational core purpose – a tiny essence that justifies its existence.  Any tweak or feature above and beyond the scope of this core purpose is optional.  When my friend decided she wanted to start a blog, she spent all of her energy trying to map out the perfect plan and design, instead of simply writing her first few blog articles – which is the core purpose of a blog.

So the next time you decide to create something new, back yourself into a corner, cut out the fluff, and release your core creation into the wild ASAP for others to experience and tinker with.  Less than perfect is a perfect start.  The need for intelligent tweaks and adjustments will arise naturally as time rolls on.

Photo by: Vu Bui

This guest post was written by Betsy, co-author of Married With Luggage.

Imagine relocating across the country and waiting for the moving truck to arrive so you can unpack your life and get settled.  Only the truck never makes it to your destination because it caught fire in New Jersey.  Everything you own is now ash, and through the magic of the Internet you find out that someone actually video recorded the fiery truck on the highway and uploaded it to YouTube.

Burn, baby, burn.

This actually happened to a friend of mine.  And he said that after an initial 10-minute freak out session, he started embracing the idea of starting over with a more simple existence.  “Not a bad idea,” I thought.

The Cost of Ownership

No matter what you own, there is a maintenance cost.  We can speak in dollars - insurance, taxes, interest.  Or even in time - cleaning, updating, protecting.  But the hardest maintenance cost for most people is simply sentimental value.

We transfer our feelings and memories onto an object and decide we can’t let go because we’ll risk losing the feeling or memory.  Before long, we become surrounded by these visual reminders of our memories and no longer have room to make new ones.  It’s hard to move forward in your life when your past is crowding your present.

Creative Downsizing

The answer, of course, is to get rid of some of this stuff.  But that’s way easier said than done.  We often need to be compelled to do this with a move or a lifestyle change.  Imagine how much richer life would be if we moved the junk out and made room for new opportunities instead of grudgingly making room only when it was forced upon us.

My husband and I are currently simplifying our ‘physical’ lives down to a couple of boxes and two backpacks.  That’s a big change from our starting point in a packed 3500 square-foot house.

We’re leaving on October 1 for Ecuador and 3+ years of exploring the world.  We’ve been working for a while to get to this point, as you can imagine, and along the way we’ve found a few creative downsizing strategies to help you simplify a little (or a lot) of your life.

1. The Reverse Birthday Party

For my 39th birthday I picked 39 of my favorite things - things that were special but not quite special enough to make it into my one box.  There was the silk scarf from France, the leather purse I bought on my honeymoon, a cocktail ring with more bling than my lifestyle required, and several other little treasures.

I wrote out a tag for each item detailing its history and why it was special to me.  Then I put them all on a shelf in my living room and invited all my friends over for my birthday party.  The rules were simple:

• If you find something you like, write your name on the back of the tag.
• If you are the only one who wants that item, it is yours.
• If more than one person wants the item, a “face-off” would occur and a democratic vote would decide who won.
• In lieu of gifts to me, winners of the items could donate to our trip in an anonymous box on the bar.

This kind of party accomplishes a few things.  You get to share and make wonderful memories with your good friends and continue to see your favorite items used by your favorite people in the future - much better than an anonymous eBay sale.  And your friends help you get through the pain of giving up the more sentimental things.  Take a picture of you with your friend and the item and you’ll still feel like you own it in a way.

2. The Craigslist Store

I can’t say enough about the wonder that is Craigslist.  Just about anything can be sold or given away on this site.  We’ve sold everything from a $500 dresser to a $5 box of random cords, and we’ve rarely had an ad out more than a week without a bite.

The key to successful Craigslist selling is to set up your own store. Do you have several pieces of furniture to sell?  Put them all together in a staging area.  When your buyers come by, they get a chance to see your other items and you can wheel and deal to get rid of more things.  People love a deal, so throwing in a rug you don’t think will sell for much with a piece of furniture a buyer is waffling on may help make the sale.

Think of your downsizing project like your own little retail store and you’ll sell twice as much in half the time.

3. Put it in a Box with an Expiration Date

People tell me all the time they can’t get rid of things for all sorts of reasons.  But you know, reasons don’t really matter for this trick. It is all about “Out of sight, out of mind.”  Take a few things you don’t use, but think you can’t live without (even though you haven’t used them in 2 years), and put them in a box.  Label the box with the current date and the contents and a sell/donate date.  Set the sell/donate date 1 month out, 6 months out, or whatever.  I will be blown away if you end up going back for even 10% of these items before the sell/donate date.

4. Take a Photo and Clear Your Space

This is one of my favorite ideas, especially for old clothes.  Do you have a photo of yourself on the night when you looked really hot in that outfit (you know, on that unforgettable night out with your friends)?  Keep the photo and get rid of the actual outfit if you no longer wear it on a regular basis.  If an occasion arises someday that requires a similar fancy outfit, treat yourself to something new and stylish.  Sometimes a photo that acts as a visual reminder is all you need to re-experience the joy of an item, and having it out of your space lets you live in the present instead of being cluttered by items you no longer use.

5. The Rule of One Thing In, Two Things Out

This is the lazy man’s solution to downsizing, and it can be effective over the long-run.  You simply decide that for every new item you bring into your house or office, two items will go.  New socks?  Get rid of twice as many old socks.  Mom sends you new towels?  Get rid of twice as many of the old, raggedy ones.  See how this works?  It’s a smaller effort, but an everyday one.  Once you get to your perfect balance, you simply keep this up with one thing in, one thing out.

Final Thoughts on the Benefits of Downsizing

I like to say that downsizing will upsize your life.  I know it sounds catchy, but it’s true.  Since my husband and I started downsizing over 4 years ago we have more money, time, and opportunity than I could have ever imagined.  There is no way we’d be planning a trip around the world if we were still weighed down with all the miscellaneous stuff we had acquired over the years.

So start small, like we did, and slowly integrate the 5 methods above into your current (cluttered) lifestyle.  I promise, you’ll find yourself in a clutter-free state in no time.

Betsy Talbot is one half of the blogging team at Married with Luggage.  When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready to travel the world with her husband Warren.  Betsy shares her secrets on saving money in the free ebook How We Saved Enough Money to Change Our Lives (and How You Can, Too!).

Photo by: Dustin Diaz

Inspired

Once upon a time, two thirteen-year-old boys were watching the track and field Summer Olympics events on television.  Neither of them had previously spent any time watching amateur athletes strive with their heart and soul to be their absolute best, so the boys were mesmerized by the passion, determination, and athletic grace displayed by the Olympic competitors.  In a moment of unadulterated inspiration, the two of them made a pact to become Olympic track and field competitors before their twenty-first birthdays.

That afternoon, over a glass of chocolate milk, they mapped out a rigorous training plan that involved frequent workouts both before and after school.  “If we stick to our training, we’ll be just as good the athletes on T.V.” one boy said to the other.  “I can’t wait to get started!” the other boy replied.

The next morning at 6AM the two boys woke-up, put their running shoes on, and met outside to begin their first official training session.  As they began running down the block, both of them had radiant smiles on their mugs.  “This is awesome!” one boy exclaimed as they trotted toward the sunrise.

Reality Raises One Question

About nine minutes later, a mile down the road, the harsh truth inevitably revealed itself.  Both of them were out of shape, slow, and completely out of breath.  They had no previous athletic training and no clue how difficult it would be.  All they could think about now were the aches, pains and exhaustion their bodies were experiencing.

Huffing and puffing, both boys stopped running and one fell to the ground on the side of the road.  “This is way harder than I thought,” the fallen boy said between breaths.

“Tell me about it,” the other boy agreed as he, too, fell to the ground gasping for air.  “Do you think it’s worth it?”

The other boy did not answer.  Instead, both of them rested on the cool morning grass in complete silence for several minutes, slowly regaining their breath, and thinking about the question.

Suddenly the first fallen boy forced himself to his feet.  “Yeah, I do think it’s worth it!  Do you?”

The other boy stood up slowly and nodded.  “Yeah, dude.  I think so too.”

And without further hesitation, both of them began running again.

The Journey

The following month, they joined their middle school track and field team.  With continued practice and guidance from their coach, both of them eventually placed in the top ten percentile for various middle school track competitions during their seventh and eighth grade school years.

In high school, they spent all four years on the track and field and cross country running teams.  Both of them consistently placed in the top five percentile for their grade and won various gold, silver, and bronze awards in the district competitions.  During their senior year, their track and field team made it to the state competition.  One boy walked away with a silver medal for the long jump and the other won a bronze medal for the 1500 meter run.

They both earned and accepted track and field scholarships to different state colleges.  Over the course of the next two years, even though they were apart, they trained passionately, competed head to head against one another on several occasions, and each won various collegiate events.  One time, they even placed first and second overall in the same exact event.

And although neither of them earned an Olympic medal, during their junior year of college, at the age of 20, they were reunited as teammates when they represented their country in the Summer Olympics.

Conclusion

When I was young, I was fortunate enough to have parents and mentors who taught me that the people who achieve their dreams and make the greatest impact in the world – whether athletically, musically, politically, technologically or otherwise – are rarely the most talented or gifted individuals.  They are instead the ones who work the hardest, and who are willing to overcome all obstacles to see their dreams through to fruition.

The moments when we feel uncertain about how to move forward, when we are inspired by our dreams but overwhelmed by the work required to achieve them, are the moments when we must ask ourselves one simple question:

Do you think it’s worth it?

Photo by: Millzero

This guest post was written by Alex, author of  Unleash Reality.

• Money
• Success
• Freedom
• Happiness
• Glory

Mmmm.  YUM.  Sounds good doesn’t it?

And yet very few people ever live to become the success story they dream about.

Why?

Because all successful people have one excruciatingly simple thing in common.

And it’s the only thing that’s stopping you from being insanely, abundantly, super successful.

Taking Action

Successful people take action.

That’s it.

“Take action?  Yeah, right!”  It sounds too simple, doesn’t it?

Yeah, it does.  But don’t be fooled.  It is that simple.  So before you stop reading this and go back to your blurry life of mediocrity, listen up.

Most people live in a complete daze.  Actually, they don’t LIVE.  They just ‘get by’ because they never take the necessary action to make things happen – to seek their dreams.  Does this sound like someone you know?

But successful people…

They’re ALIVE.  They make things happen because they take action.

They have that look in their eyes – undiluted determination and infinite appetite for possibility.

They live in constructive flow, always looking for a way – always taking the next logical step.

Productive Positivity

When you constructively move forward with a positive outlook on life, all of the self-induced barriers dissolve and you get out of your own way.  Nothing feels impossible and you see potential and possibility in everything because you’re not limiting your focus with destructive negativity.

Successful people constantly live in a state of productive positivity.  They don’t settle and they aren’t scared to fail.  They try, and fail, and try again until they succeed.  Because they know it’s possible, even if they haven’t yet figured out how.

Everything they do is soaked in a deep personal desire to move things forward.

They live for the feeling of accomplishment.  You know this feeling…

It’s the feeling of complete immersion in what you’re doing – when you tickle your own brilliance and the distinction between ‘you’ and the task at hand blurs until it’s complete.  It’s those moments when you’re taking action and constructively flowing with life instead of aimlessly stumbling through it.

I know you’ve felt it.  Maybe not often enough, but you have.

Ask Yourself

In every situation there is always a ‘most constructive’ path to choose.

Whether you’re running a business, having a conversation, walking down the street and see someone you’d like to meet, or even just entertaining yourself by browsing online – there’s always a constructive path.

Ask yourself, “What can I do right now that will make me more successful in my own eyes?”

The interesting thing is that as you ask yourself this question, little electrochemical fireworks explode in your mind and illuminate your entire being with the feeling of what success will be like.  Your mind automatically cycles through all the possible situations that will result from the different choices for an action that you take.

So ask yourself the question and think about what will help you move forward with your goals.  Immerse yourself in thought.  What is it that you really want?  And what choice can you make right now that will help you get one step closer?

Momentum Builds

After awhile your mind will become trained to subconsciously think about success, so when you have a little time and are deciding what to do, that image of success that came up will poke its head into your plans and make you think twice about zoning out in front of the T.V.

Sure, sometimes it’ll be a small action like reading a book, but momentum builds and as you begin to feel the possibilities for success, you’ll stop limiting what you deem ‘possible’ and you start taking on bigger projects and more promising endeavors.

And as you do it more and more, it becomes less of a question and more of an overall state of being where all you will want to do is move forward towards success.  And it feels really good.  It brings purpose into your life.

And it doesn’t have to be just material success – deciding to read for pleasure, meditate, exercise, or spend time with a loved one are all valid decisions toward success.  The definition of success, after all, is up to you.

But more than anything, success hinges on the simple act of making a decision to live – to absorb yourself in the process of going after your goals.

So make that decision…

And take action.

Alex writes about personal development and how to dive into reality on his site Unleash Reality. You should check it out right now. And subscribe too.

Photo by: Thomas Hawk

If the question makes you think, it’s worth asking.

1. What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you aren’t dying?
2. Do you believe in the death penalty?  What if someone murdered your mother in cold blood?  What if someone murdered a stranger’s mother, but saved your life the month before?
3. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?
4. Would you rather be rich and paralyzed from the waist down or poor and able bodied?
5. What’s the most expensive gift you have ever received?  Is it the best gift you have ever received?
6. When was the last time you lied?  Is it possible to lie without saying anything at all?
7. Stealing is immoral, right?  But what if stealing was the only way to feed a starving child?
8. If I gave you $20, what percentage would you – really – save?  If I gave you $200,000, what percentage would you save?  Should there be a difference?
9. If someone could tell you the exact day and time that you are going to die, would you want them to tell you?
10. If you found out you were going to die today, would you have any regrets?  Would you be happy with the way you spent the last 24 hours of your life?
11. What’s your single greatest moment of personal failure?  Looking back on it now, did it make you weaker or stronger?  What did you learn?
12. Do the words ‘freedom’ and ‘liberty’ mean not being persecuted or discriminated against, or do they mean doing whatever you please?
13. Have you ever discriminated against someone?  Imagine that a street gang notorious for wearing purple shirts has robbed and murdered several hundred people in your town.  If a man wearing a purple shirt just rang your doorbell, would you answer it?
14. Is it crazier to choose to be poor or to spend 40 years of your life hating 40 hours a week?
15. Do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time?  How many hours a week do you spend watching TV, or playing video games, or…?
16. Do you ever celebrate the green lights?
17. If you could be given another talent or ability, what would you want it to be?  Have you ever – really – tried to perfect this ability in yourself?
18. No matter how bad things get, are you aware that someone always has it worse than you do?
19. When you help someone, do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”
20. Joy is found with simple awareness.  What does your joy look like today?
21. What’s the difference between ‘living’ and ‘existing?’
22. Are you willing to sacrifice the life of your child or lover to support a war?
23. Do you ask enough questions, or do you settle for what you know?
24. If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?
25. If your life was a novel, what would be the title and how would your story end?

Please share your thoughts, and additional thought-provoking questions, in the comments section below.

And check out these books for more thought-provoking questions:

• The Book of Questions
• If… (Questions For The Game of Life)
• The Complete Book of Questions: 1001 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion

Photo by: Rogilde

This guest post was written by Bud, author of A Boundless World.

Do you remember that time when you came up short?  Do you remember that time when you failed miserably?  Assuming you have a pulse, it’s safe to say you do.

Falling short and making mistakes are part of being human.  They are the challenges that make our lifelong journeys so extraordinary.  While coming up short isn’t always easy to deal with at the time, looking back at our failures can teach us an amazing amount about ourselves.

When I ran cross-country in high school, I fell short numerous times.  But it was my shortcomings that fueled the fire inside me, forcing me to train even harder… and eventually, I reached my goal.

Freshman Year

During my freshman year in high school my parents and I decided that it was in my best interest to partake in a sport.  Not being the most coordinated kid in the world left me with very few options to pursue. It turns out cross-country running was the perfect sport for me.

Joining my schools cross-country team was perhaps one of the greatest decisions I have ever made.  The sport took a kid who was lazy and unmotivated, and transformed him into a student of excellence.  While I still had my moments of laziness, my outlook on life drastically improved.

One of the reasons cross-country was so beneficial for me was that our team was consistently one of the best teams in the nation.  So I was always surrounded by people who wanted to be extraordinary.

At first, I actually didn’t want to be extraordinary.  I figured it was too difficult.  I simply put in enough work to be “average” and nothing more.  But as I began to see my teammates succeed, I thought, “Hey why not me?” The attitudes of my teammates quickly rubbed off on me and made me strive for more.

One of my goals for freshman year was to run a mile in under 5 minutes – a respectable time for a high school runner.

Having a clear goal in mind, I got motivated and began putting in the necessary work.  And I was getting closer and closer.  But then, out of nowhere, I became ill.

An Unexpected Setback

Cross country running is not the easiest of sports.  This is especially true when you’re running with one of the top running programs in the nation.  Our weekly mileage training requirements often exceeded 50 miles.  Running demands an extreme amount of time and energy in order to succeed.  And my body began to reject the training.

One day during practice my legs became unusually sore.  But I initially assumed the soreness was just part of the sport, so I continued to run for a few days more.  Then during a light jog one afternoon I became light headed and fell to the ground.  My legs completely gave out.  And I realized then that something was seriously wrong with me.

It turns out that my immune system was taxed to the point where it literally began eating the muscles in my legs.  For an entire week I could barely move my legs on my own.  Over the next several months I was in and out of hospitals taking test after test, trying to figure out what was wrong.  Although I was prescribed various medications, I never learned exactly what it was.

And it took nearly six months before I began running again.

5:01

Coming back from such a large setback was extremely difficult to say the least.  Not only was I behind physically, but my mental game was off as well.  I was scared of pain.  I didn’t want to push myself because I feared that I might grow ill again.

These negative thoughts impacted my ability to perform at the level I knew I was capable of.  So even though I started training again, I continued to fall short of my five minute mile goal.  But through the guidance and support I received from my family and friends, I was able to forge ahead.

So I continued to dedicate myself to my goal.  When my sophomore track season began, I couldn’t have been more excited.  I was certain I was going to break five minutes on the opening race.

But as it turns out, I didn’t.  Instead of breaking five, I ended up running a 5:01 in one of the greatest races of my cross-country career.  And although I didn’t conquer my goal, I still remember the feeling of joy that shot through my body - not because of the time, but because I knew without question that I gave it my all.

Overcoming Obstacles

Our lives are naturally filled with obstacles.  It’s impossible to avoid them.  If you try, they will ultimately stop you from living.

Your failures and shortcomings are a healthy part of your life’s story.  So embrace them.  Experience failure, learn from it, and breathe.  At the end of the day you have the final say on how you experience reality.

Remember, the long road of falling short eventually leads to victory.  Because winning is simply the act of never quitting.

Oh… And during the later part of my sophomore year, I finally ran a 4:54 mile.

Bud Hennekes is dedicated to changing the way people think about themselves. His blog www.aboundlessworld.com empowers people to create and live in a blissful reality.  His hobbies vary, but more often than not he enjoys meditating, reading, connecting with people, and writing.

Photo by: Stuck in Customs

Somewhere Else

During my competitive cross-country running days it wasn’t uncommon for me to run five miles at 5AM and another ten miles at 10PM, six days a week.  I was competitive.  I wanted to win races.  And I was smart enough to know that if I dedicated myself to extra training, while my opponents were sleeping or socializing, I would be one step ahead of them when we crossed the finish line.

When I first started these early morning and late night runs, the experience was rather brutal.  My body didn’t want to cooperate.  It ached and cramped up.  And I found out that the only way to endure the extra training was to disassociate my mind from my body, putting my mind somewhere else while my body ran.

Can’t Relate

Over time, I became quite proficient at doing this.  I got so good at it, in fact, that I actually looked forward to the runs.  Because when I ran, my mind was clear and at peace with the world – especially when nobody else was around.  In the midst of what seemed to be a strenuous workout, my mind was in a soothingly relaxed state… similar to that of a deep meditation.

I don’t compete in races anymore, but I still run almost every day.  Even though I no longer have to, I typically still run in the wee hours of the morning or very late at night.  And since my friends know that I have a flexible work schedule, most of them think I’m a bit weird for running at such ‘odd’ hours.  I’ve tried to explain to them why I do it, and how it soothes my mind.  But they can’t relate.  So I’m still a weirdo in their eyes.

She Was Right

Last night, I went running on the Pacific Beach boardwalk at 11PM.  It was calm and quiet out – just the way I like it.  I was about three miles into my run when a peculiar looking woman sitting on the boardwalk’s barrier wall shouted, “Hey, you!” and then waved me down.  My first inclination was to just ignore her and continue running.  But my curiosity got the best of me.  So I stopped.

The woman had long blonde dreadlocks, several piercings in her ears and nose, tattoos on both arms, and a Grateful Dead t-shirt on.  She was strumming an acoustic guitar and had a thick, white joint burning in a small ashtray beside her.

She stopped strumming her guitar and began to chuckle as soon as she saw me looking down at the joint.  “Don’t worry,” she said.  “I’m legit.  I have a medical prescription for it.”

“It’s none of my business,” I quickly replied.

“Anyway,” she continued.  “Perhaps you don’t realize this, but it’s pretty late to be out exercising.  I’ve seen you out here a few times before, running after midnight.”

“So, what’s your point?” I asked.

“Well thousands of people run on this boardwalk every single day, but you seem to be the only runner I see in the middle of the night.  And it strikes me as being kind of weird.  So what’s your deal?”

I told her about my love for a quite landscape, and the way in which running soothes my mind. “…like a deep mediation,” I told her.

She smiled, strummed once on her guitar, and took a drag of her joint.  “Well then, I’m doing the same thing as you right now,” she replied.  “Only in my own way – a way that works for me.  Can you dig that?”

I stared at her for a second and then laughed, because I knew she was right. “Yeah, I can dig that,” I said.  She winked and started strumming her guitar again.  I winked back and started running again.

Conclusion

Some of us run in the middle of the night.  Some of us strum acoustic guitars and smoke joints.  And others go to church.  Or sip expensive wine.  Or surf on dangerous waves.  Or jump out of perfectly good airplanes.  When we try to understand people by personally relating to the things that they do, we usually can’t make any sense of it.  Because it’s easier to see weirdness in a sea of normality, than it is to decode the logical methods behind one’s madness.

But when we look just a little deeper, by making a noble effort to understand people by truly listening to why they do the things that they do, they never seem quite as weird.  Actually, they begin to seem…

Almost normal.

Photo by: Zara

This guest post was written by Sid Savara, author of Analysis Driven Personal Development.

Day One

The very first day of class, I walked in and addressed my students.

“You will be graded on your homework, weekly quizzes and two exams. I do not play favorites, I do not grant extensions, and I do not grade on a curve.”

One hand shot up “Is it true that less than half of your students pass?”

“Yes, that’s true. Last semester out of 17 students, 5 earned a B or better. You are welcome to switch sections if you want.”

Four of the students got up and left, but Albert, somewhat surprisingly remained. Albert was one of my students last semester. Last semester he wasn’t doing too well, and I told him he may be better off dropping the class - but he stuck it out to the end, and earned a D for his efforts.

I spoke to him after class again today, and he assured me this semester was going to be different. He was determined to do better.

Albert came in for office hours, frequently emailed me for help and struggled with the material. He did better, but continued to have difficulty with some of the same concepts he had struggled with the previous semester.

In the end, things did turn out differently. Instead of a D, Albert had earned a C, when a B was required to continue to the next level. He would have to repeat Introduction to Computer Science for a third time.

The Next Semester

The following semester I had a batch of 15 students - Albert among them. I gave them the usual speech, a few switched sections, but Albert stayed in his seat. I puled him aside after class.

“Albert, I hope you understand the situation. You could easily pass this class if you took a different section. You know that I grade strictly, I don’t accept late work, and I don’t grade on a curve. Are you sure you want to remain in my section - or would you rather switch?”

“You know, I appreciate your concern Sid. I’ll think about it” he said.

The next week he was back in class - my class. Albert was in my section to stay, but I wasn’t going to go easy on him just because it was his third time. In some ways, I was even harder on him. He was focused and tried hard, but he was no model student. His grades fluctuated from Ds to Bs, and I had to have the old mid-semester “Do you want to drop out?” talk with him once again. Once again, he opted to stay for the whole semester rather than take the incomplete.

Finally, this was to be his semester - he barely earned his B. I was proud of him - and a bit relieved I wouldn’t have him repeating my class a fourth time.

My Class Grows

After Albert made it out of my class, something interesting happened. A couple semesters later my section started to grow, and I soon had to turn people away because my section was full.

Why would people continue to sign up for my section when they knew they I was a harsh grader, and they stood a better chance of passing in a different class? I asked them, and learned that Albert had recommended me. Apparently, he was doing well in the upper level courses and when people asked him why, he told them he had learned a lot from being my student.

I had to go find out for myself what was going on.

Why didn’t you just switch?

I learned that Albert wasn’t just doing well in courses - he was now tutoring undergraduates in computer science. I caught up with him one day, and asked him for the full story.

He told me that as classmates struggled in the higher level classes, he was so thankful I had been hard on him and forced him to really learn the introductory material without passing him along. By letting him struggle, when he actually passed my course he knew he was ready for the next level, and that confidence helped motivate him in future classes. Because I was so harsh on him in his introductory courses, it didn’t faze him when later professors were strict with deadlines, because he was already used to it.

“I appreciate that, but you didn’t need three semesters to leaern that. Why didn’t you just switch sections your second semester instead of repeating my section over and over?” I asked him. “I gave you the chance to switch twice, and you know you could have passed in a different section.”

“I know,” he said, ” but I needed to know that I had what it takes.”

“If you can find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”
- Frank A. Clark

Conclusion

Albert may have learned a thing or two about computer science from me, but I learned a valuable life lesson from him. He already knew the value of hard work and persistence, but having him as my student has taught me that when you expect the best out of people, they’ll give you their best. People don’t want to be coddled, and they don’t want rewards they don’t deserve.

Just like Albert, many of us have the potential to accomplish great things, and will willingly struggle against obstacles time and time again.

We struggle because we believe the journey is worth it.

We struggle because we want to improve ourselves.

We struggle because we know we have what it takes.

Sid Savara is the author of Analysis Driven Personal Development, a blog where he discusses personal development, lifehacking and personal productivity. For more inspiration, sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of The Little Book Of Big Motivational Quotes.

Photo by: Greekadman

Magic Happens

I’ve always believed in the beauty of a great journey – discovering new places, seeking life experiences, fostering relationships and pursuing my dreams.  In fact, it’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do.  I just want to believe in something that’s worth believing in and then pursue it with every facet of my being.

Such journeys, I’ve found, are best when we share them with others who, like me, are ‘crazy’ enough to assume that our wildest dreams are just a brief distance away from reality.  These are the folks who realize that ‘impossible’ is simply a mindset – something we get when we haven’t trained our minds and our hearts to see past the systems that currently exist to ones that don’t yet exist.  Because when our minds and our hearts and our hands work together, magic happens.

Fear

And only one thing has ever prevented me from making this magic happen more often.  Fear.  Being afraid of what others might think.  Afraid of the repercussions of putting my crazy ideas out there for the world to see and judge.  Afraid to let go of my comfort zone and just go for it.  Because… What if I fail?  What if… What if…

Now, in most situations, fear no longer stands in my way.  But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  It most certainly does.  I’ve just learned to curb my fears and adapt to change a bit more proficiently than I used to.  But I still feel the nerves of fear sneak up on me.  And the more important something or someone is to me, the more nervous I get, the more I stumble over my words, and the more I sound like an incoherent fool.

A few years ago when I began talking to my friends and family about my goal to write and start the blog that would eventually become Marc and Angel Hack Life, I mostly got half smiles, nods, and quizzical facial reactions. And when I tried to say anything meaningful to Angel when we first met back in September of 2000, she would often laugh at me because she literally found herself trying to decode my jumbled, shaky sentences.

Clarity

One of the most remarkable things about our lives is that clarity and progression occur with enduring love, passion, and patience.  This blog is now an easy topic for me to talk about… and now, it’s even easy for others to talk about, including my friends and family.  And although it may take her a second or two, Angel now gets the gist of my jumbled, shaky sentences almost immediately.

And that makes me smile.  Because I want to continue to evolve and grow with the people and dreams that inspire me.  After all, I only have one shot – like we all do – to make this life meaningful.  And I know for sure, after coping with my fears on numerous journeys, that I would rather sound stupid…

Than be stupid and take no action at all.

Photo by: Darwin Bell

This guest post was written by Dayne, the author of TheHappySelf.com.

Happiness can be elusive when life is too complicated.

As daily commitments multiply, we find ourselves becoming conditioned to shifting between multiple tasks, creating lengthy to-do lists and juggling complicated schedules.  When we’re not overwhelmed, we may feel proud that we can keep up with it all.  It’s all part of making a living, but in the end it can stand in the way of making a life.

Does your schedule leave you time for things that bring true happiness?

These things vary for each of us, but for most people true happiness consists of spending time with loved ones and engaging in activities that reveal the richness and beauty of the world around us.

To get the most out of these activities, you must approach them from a place of stillness, peace and calm.

A busy life can be personally fulfilling, but it may leave you feeling too frazzled to achieve the stillness and peace that will allow you to connect with deep happiness and the underlying beauty of life.  You can’t just walk away from the responsibilities that fracture your time, but you can simplify your life so that your mind is calmer and more open to the hidden treasures in life.

Here are 7 ways to get started with simplifying your life and working towards a more peaceful state of mind.

1. Question your dependence on material possessions.  Recognize the difference between things you need and things you want.  Our culture bombards us with messages about material things that will make our lives better.  The reality is that most of these things will clutter our lives without bringing true happiness.  Free yourself from the culture of excess and learn to be content with fewer possessions and greater simplicity.
2. Think for yourself.  If you spend your life playing out a role that society or someone else defines, you’re missing out on the chance to follow your own desires.  Your inner life is diminished when you are limited by conformity.  Why give up your freedom and allow all of your decisions to be defined by what you think you “should” do?  Become a non-conformist and think for yourself, letting your passions be your guide.
3. Rethink your commitments.  Life is full of opportunities to earn money, give service, learn new skills and make new friends.  Some of us want it all and fill up our calendars with activities and obligations.  Over-committing is the surest way to banish stillness and calm from your life.  Rushing from one activity to another leaves you with no time to slow down, observe and let things happen.  No matter how worthy you think your commitments are, rethink and prioritize them.  Keep the ones that are most important and eliminate the ones that are adding to the hectic pace of your life with little return.
4. Create more free time.  Once you’ve balanced your commitments, find ways to increase your free time.  Eliminate time wasters and re-evaluate your chores.  If you spend hours each week cleaning house, see if you can do a little less and have more free time.  Eliminating clutter from your home will make it easier to clean.  Once you’ve created more free time, fill it with activities that develop your inner self.  Spend some time alone and spend some with the people you care about most.  Focus on calming activities.
5. Savor the simple pleasures.  How often do you prepare a healthy and delicious meal and then savor every bite of it?  Instead of rushing through meals, barely tasting what you’re eating, take time to enjoy them.  Invest time in other simple pleasures – work in your garden, take a relaxing soak in a hot tub or bath, bike or hike through a nature preserve.  Unless you’re retired, you probably can’t do these things every day, but fitting them into your schedule even once or twice a week will have a calming effect on your life.
6. Focus on the present moment.  When you’re over-committed, you can end up rushing from one thing to the next without enjoying or even being very conscious of the world around you.  There’s always the hope that when things slow down you’ll have time to enjoy life.  Maybe you look forward to the weekend or an annual vacation, thinking that you’ll be able to find a way to slow down.  Instead of looking to the future, learn to focus on the present moment.  Enjoy what you’re doing in the here and now.  You can find serenity in even the most mundane task if you really give it your attention and do it mindfully.
7. Give up some control.  No matter how much we plan, we can never predict what the future will bring.  Trying to exercise too much control can just lead to frustration, in addition to frustrating the people around you.  Since you never know what the future will bring, it’s futile to try to control events.  Instead of attempting to control the outcome of events, learn to relax and enjoy the journey.  Letting go of the need to control will give you more freedom to live in the moment.  By planning less, you’ll be more open to unforeseen opportunities that come your way.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still have goals, but that your focus shifts from the ends to the means.

Remember that simplicity is a process, not a destination.

For most of us, there is no escaping the inherent complexity of our lives.  However, by deciding to simplify your life and spend more time seeking true happiness, you’ve started on a road that can lead to profound changes in your life.

There is no final destination at the end of this road.

Because life is forever changing and evolving, and you are evolving along with it, you will never reach a point of perfect simplicity and endless happiness.  But each moment you spend on the path to simplicity does have the potential to bring more serenity and happiness into your life.

“If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap. If you want happiness for a day – go fishing. If you want happiness for a month – get married. If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else.” – Chinese Proverb

This is a guest post written by Dayne from TheHappySelf.com, a fantastic blog about personal transformation and simple self-development. Be sure to check out his blog, or follow him on Twitter. Lastly, don’t forget to download your free ebook Living Naked here.

Photo by: EJP Photo

A part of you has grown in me.  And so you see, it’s you and me together forever and never apart.  Maybe in distance, but never in heart.

The Running Soundtrack

For the last several days I’ve had the melody to a song I’ve only heard once or twice repeating over and over in the back of my mind.  I didn’t even know the lyrics, but my mind kept spinning the tune anyways.  This morning when I finally got around to looking up the lyrics, I smiled from ear to ear.  Because the song is perfectly suited to be the soundtrack to the past few wild weeks of my life.

And I think that’s one of the most extraordinary functions of the human brain – it thinks for us even when we’re not consciously thinking.  How is this possible?  Well, the scientific answer – which I’m always curious about – is that our brain is a sophisticated parallel processing system capable of intuitively assessing and reacting to data that our conscious mind is never even aware of.  Tuning into and playing the running soundtrack of our lives is only a small example of our unconscious mind’s true potential.

But despite my love for science, I don’t always want or need a scientific explanation for every little thing that happens in life.  When just the right thing happens at just the right moment, I simply want to believe that it was meant to be.  And even when complications arise, I want to believe that these complications are necessary evils – necessary because they force us to learn, adapt and overcome.  Which is, I think, a big part of why we’re here in the first place.

Distracted

This afternoon I walked to a local park with my laptop to get some work done in the fresh air.  But after a short time, I was distracted by a young boy entertaining himself with nothing more than a wooden stick and his imagination.  And it brought me back to a simpler time.  You know… that time during our youth when we weren’t scared to dream without reason.  Just watching him was a soothing experience – a reminder that we, as adults, occasionally need to overcome the precincts of maturity and just let our imaginations run free.  It was a healthy distraction to say the least.

Anyway, once I became conscious of the fact that I was getting no work done, I walked back home and sat down at my computer desk.  And I suddenly realized the melody that had been spinning in my head like a broken record had finally ceased.  Satisfied by this newfound mental silence, I got to work.  But before long, the absent melody was replaced by an overbearing, mouth watering craving for chocolate cake.  And the weird thing is, I usually don’t eat sweets.

After a few moments of contemplation, I decided that going to the grocery store to get a chocolate cake was a silly idea.  “You can eat chocolate cake later,” I thought to myself.  “But right now, you need to finish your work.”  So I did just that… I got back to work.

Connected

And I had almost completely forgotten about the chocolate cake until Angel came home an hour later with a to-go box from a restaurant.  She placed the to-go box on my desk and said, “Hey sweetie, my coworkers and I went out to lunch this afternoon and my eyes were bigger than my stomach.  So I figured I’d bring the leftovers home for you to snack on.”  I opened the lid of the to-go box to find a quarter of a turkey panini and a small slice of chocolate cake.

I laughed out loud.  Certainly, there are plenty of valid explanations for this kind of synchronicity.  The most basic being that when we are tuned into our feelings (a craving for example) and truly aware of our environment (actually opening the to-go box), these synchronous coincidences will seem to occur more often.  But as I stated earlier, even though I am fascinated by the science, I sometimes prefer to live in a more magical, philosophical world.

So my explanation, which needs no substantiation from any source other than my own life experience, is that when people are connected, I mean truly connected both emotionally and intellectually, the melody to a common soundtrack is always playing in the back of our minds.  And when we choose to listen to the music, and dance, we dance together even when we are apart.

Photo by: Atilla1000

This guest post was written by Nea, author of Self Improvement Saga.

A common misconception I’ve heard repeated over and over is that positive thinking depends on one’s ability to “fool the mind” into believing something is better than it actually is.  For those who hold this belief, positive thinking may seem like a bunch of hogwash.  After all, who wants to waste time with self-induced brainwashing?

If positive thinking was nothing more than a ploy to pull the wool over your own eyes, I wouldn’t bother.  But it is so much more.  So I want to share some facts about the value of deliberately guiding your thoughts and the best way to do so successfully.

What positive thinking is all about

Positive thinking means choosing thoughts that feel good rather than allowing outside elements to control the caliber of our thoughts.

It’s about choosing to look at life experiences from a pleasant perspective and harnessing our power to seize the best in any circumstance.

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
- Henri Matisse

What positive thinking is not

Brainwashing is defined as “a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas.”

Unlike brainwashing, having a positive outlook should never make you feel like you’re forcing yourself to believe lies or to give up ideas that are important to you.  The purpose of positive thinking is not to distract you from the truth, but to refocus your attention on beautiful truths that you may often take for granted.

How to effectively apply positive thinking

Our lives are filled with a variety of experiences, circumstances, people and things.   Some trigger pleasing thoughts and feelings within us while others set off a downward spiral of negativity.

You may be wondering how positive thinking can be implemented when faced with something that is undeniably negative.  There are two basic options:  focus elsewhere or focus differently.

1.  Focus elsewhere when you’re able
Focusing elsewhere means you take your attention from the troubling subject to something that feels better.  There are times when this is clearly the best choice.  Here’s an example:

You’re with a group of people who are discussing political hot topics.  The discussion gets extremely heated as everyone defends their views on abortion, health care, prayer in schools, gay marriage, immigration and even President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win.

The tension gets high and the words get ugly.  You feel yourself becoming extremely angry and frustrated with some of the outrageous comments, personal jabs, senseless views and put downs.

In such a situation, you may simply decide not to be a part of the conversation.  Sure, others may take offense or respond negatively if you walk away.  So what!  What’s more important?  Doing what others think you should or doing what you know is best for you?

Bottom line:  If you can’t change the subject of discussion, just leave the room and find something else to do.  Your attention to political differences is unlikely to change someone else’s mind.  So, why bother with something unnecessarily distressing when you can put your focus and energy elsewhere?

2.  Focus differently when you can’t escape the situation
Although it’s not always possible to avoid an unpleasant experience, we can decide to bring our conscious awareness to a different aspect of it.  In other words, we can focus differently.

You don’t have to focus on the clouds just because it’s a rainy day.  You can focus on what the weather was like yesterday or on the day of your wedding or at some other time when you felt it was ideal.  You can even focus on the benefits of the rain and all the purposes it serves.  The flowers, grass and trees are surely pleased to have their thirst quenched.

If you lose your hearing, you can waste your life away feeling sad about the sounds that you’re missing out on.  Or you can celebrate the heightened state of your other senses.  You can appreciate and follow in the footsteps of Ludwig Beethoven, Marlee Matlin, Thomas Edison, Helen Keller and other famous hearing impaired people who achieved great success because they didn’t let their disabilities foil their outlook on the possibilities that lay before them.  Neither positive nor negative thoughts will spontaneously restore your hearing, but one type of thought leads to healthy living, while the other encourages endless misery.

A real world example of positive thinking

Positive thinking is most effective when you choose thoughts that your mind easily accepts as reasonable.  Hearing loss is a bit extreme, so how about a more practical example for using positive thinking in everyday life?

Let’s say your car breaks down.  It is unlikely that any thought will change the fact that the car isn’t working.  So while you could try to imagine that it’s running perfectly, it isn’t a very productive practice unless you have magical genie powers.

So as you put the key in the ignition and notice that the car won’t start, you can be angry, anxious and sad as you focus on how terrible it is that your car is broken.  You can gripe about the money it will cost, the time it will take, the inconvenience it will cause.  You can go on and on like this until you’ve taken on enough stress to raise your blood pressure to stroke level.  None of these thoughts will change the situation, but they will ensure that you feel horrible.

On the other hand, you could choose to think of the sexy (or skilled or nice) mechanic who will get you back on the road.  You can think of how reliable the car has been up to this point, the games you can play on your cell phone as you wait for a tow truck, or the funny hat that the lady is wearing in the car next to you.  None of this changes the fact that the car is not working, but at least you’re choosing to think in a way that is likely to attract an unexpected opportunity rather than a massive coronary.

Conclusion

You see, positive thinking is not about fooling yourself.  It’s about changing your outlook to a different side of reality.  As an avid believer in the Law of Attraction, I apply positive thinking to almost everything.  Notice I said almost, because I have my down-in-the-dumps moments like everyone else.

So, what about you? When you’re faced with something upsetting, do you find comfort in guiding your thoughts to a more positive outlook?  If not, why not?

Nea is the author of the Self Improvement Saga, a blog where she shares her passion for writing and personal development.  Her goal is to help others manifest improvements in both their daily lives and relationships.  If you enjoyed this post then consider subscribing to her RSS feed.

Photo by: Tourist on Earth

This morning I was writing at my favorite coffee shop when a cute Latin woman with big, bright eyes and rosy cheeks sat down at the table across from me.  She pulled a sketch book out of her backpack and began looking around the room.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look in my direction, study my posture, smile, and begin sketching.

We sat there next to each other for nearly three hours while she sketched and I wrote.  And as I shifted back and forth, engrossed in thought, I felt a bit self-conscious.  Because I could feel her watching me as she practiced her art.

But I wasn’t too worried because I hadn’t planned on talking to her.  After all, she seemed completely satisfied sketching in silence, and smiling at her sketches and at all of the other people who surrounded us.  I did, however, glance up a few times just to see her smile.  Because her smile expressed a kind of passion I seldom see.

All of the World’s Beauty

A few moments later another customer came into the coffee shop and let a gust of wind in the front door.  The wind blew a completed sketch right off of the Latin woman’s table and onto the floor in front of me.  The sketch was rather amazing.  It perfectly depicted a man who looked a lot like me typing on a laptop computer.

I looked up at the Latin woman and smiled.  “Who’s that sharp-looking guy?”

She giggled and rolled her eyes.  “I don’t know,” she replied.  “He’s just a fairy tale character.”  She then handed me a few of the other sketches she’d been working on.  One of them was of the barista behind the cash register and the others were of other customers in the coffee shop.

“Wow!” I exclaimed.

She sighed, smiled, and said, “Sometimes I wish that I could capture all of the world’s beauty in my sketches, but I’ve come to realize that it’s simply impossible. So capturing still-frames of beautiful moments is what I settle for.”

I told her that all of the world’s beauty actually is captured in every sketch that perceives a moment just as beautiful.  And that her sketches are truly beautiful, just like her smile… because they reveal a gift and a passion to see beauty in common places – a beauty most of us overlook.

Time Ceases

She giggled again and said, “My mother once told me that beauty occurs when time ceases to exist.  And if she’s right, then perhaps my sketches are beautiful.  Because, for me, time ceases when I try to bridge my perceptions with the moments unfolding around me.”

I chuckled aloud and then turned my laptop around so that she could read the words I had written just moments before: “Time ceases to exist when she engages in this moment, because she wants nothing more than the beauty this moment has to offer.”

“Who is she?” she asked.

“She’s just a fairy tale character others will read about… and metaphor for hope to me,” I replied with a wink.

She winked back, as if to prove that she wasn’t just a metaphor.  And before I could even smile, I suddenly sneezed.  She laughed and told me that for just a moment in mid-sneeze I looked like Tarzan, and asked if I could hold that pose so she could sketch me looking like Tarzan.

I told her that I didn’t mind holding a mid-sneeze pose for a few minutes.  Because as she sketched, I got a chance to see the look in her eyes.  You know the look I’m talking about… it’s the look when beauty is perceived, time ceases to exist, and fairy tale characters come to life.

My buddy Chad, a 9th grade science teacher, called me at 7AM this morning in a bit of a panic.  “Marc,” he said. “I promised my students I’d have a guest speaker here today, but the speaker just canceled on me at the last minute.  I know you love motivating others, so is there any way you could come in this morning and be our substitute speaker?”

“What’s the topic?” I asked.

“How to save the world,” he replied with a chuckle.  “I’m kidding.  The speaker I had scheduled was from the city waste management counsel.  She was supposed to speak to the kids about the importance of recycling and conserving the environment and so forth.”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  “I don’t really have any…”

“Come on, Marc,” he insisted.  “Please.  Pretty please!  I know it would mean so much to the kids if you came in today.  And I’ve been meaning to ask you to be a guest speaker for awhile now.”

I thought about it for a second.  “Well… okay.  What time do you need me to come in?”

“Yes!  Thank you!  If you could be here at 9AM that would be awesome!”

“Uh, yeah… I’ll see you then,” I replied with a bit of uncertainty in my voice.

Crashing and Burning

I arrived promptly at 9AM.  After a short introduction by Chad, I walked up to the front of the classroom.  I didn’t have any cool props or cue cards.  In fact, I barely had enough time to think about what I was going to say.  But as 42 sets of inquiring eyes stared at me, I knew I only had one shot, just one shot to convince them that they could make a difference in this crazy world.  So I took a deep breath and said:

“What if I told you that you and your immediate family were personally contributing to catastrophic environmental issues around the world?  And what if I told you that it gets even worse?  What if I also told you that you were directly contributing to human starvation, water and energy shortages, widespread health problems, and so much more?”

The kids remained quiet but seemed irritated.  “It’s true,” I continued.  “You might not realize you’re doing these things, but you are…”  And with every word that left my lips, the kids seemed less and less interested in what I had to say.

I wasn’t lying to them.  Because I know for a fact that only a small fraction of American families live sustainable lifestyles.  But I wasn’t winning any friends or influencing a single kid with my approach.  I was actually doing the exact opposite – I was crashing and burning in a big way.

A Second Chance

And just when I started to seriously choke over my words, the fire alarm went off.  It was just a fire drill, but I was so relived because it gave me a chance to regroup and effectively organize my thoughts.  And as we walked back into the classroom, I knew I had less than thirty seconds to recapture the attention of my audience.  So I took another deep breath and said:

“How many of you have ever donated canned goods to the needy?  Wow, almost all of you!  That’s great!  Now, how many of you recycle on a regular basis?”  Everyone in the class raised a hand.  I smiled.  “Oh, this is inspiring!  And how many of you have ever held the door open for someone else behind you?”  Again, almost every kid raised a hand.

“Well, I’m really impressed,” I stated in a sincere tone.  “I’m so sorry.  Please accept my apology.  I was totally wrong about you all.  It appears that we have a whole classroom filled with go-getters who are already practiced in bettering our world.  You should be proud of yourselves.”

Smiles broke out across the classroom.

“Now let’s take a moment and think about something together,” I continued.  What if – without making much more of an effort than we’re making right now – we could join collectively as one and feed every starving person in the world, restore the environment, inspire positive change in the lives of others, and have fun in the process?  Would you do it?  Would you want to learn how?”

“Yeah!”  the kids replied collectively.

Well that too is inspiring!” I shouted.  “Because if we could convince enough people to think the way you do, together we could do all of these things and so much more… together we could save the world.”

Again, big smiles broke out across the classroom.

Conclusion

There are two methods for inspiring positive change in our youth.  The first is to ask them to look in the mirror and see the absolute worst of themselves, and hope that they have enough self-confidence to make a change.  The second is to ask them to look in the mirror and see the absolute best of themselves, which gives them the self-confidence needed to make a change.

Photo by: notsogoodphotography

This guest post was written by Diggy, author of Upgrade Reality.

No two people are identical, not even identical twins.  Everyone is a one-of-a-kind.  And do you know what a one-of-a-kind is worth?  Priceless!  Yes, this means YOU are priceless.

From the day we are born and open our eyes, we start to grow into the person we will ultimately become as a result of the environment we are exposed to and the experiences we endure.  And although our parents and mentors have a large impact on our upbringing, we rarely walk the exact path they had in mind for us.

There is only one success:  To be able to spend your life in your own way.
- Christopher Morely

Don’t Be Someone Else’s Puppet

Contrary to the way many people behave, we do not have to do what other people tell us to do all of the time.  We are constantly under siege from family, friends, strangers and the media to act, behave and live in certain ways.  But despite all of these external influences, we have the ultimate choice to make our own decisions.

Be True To Yourself

“Be true to yourself or you aren’t true to anyone.”

This is a powerful quote my mother told me a long time ago.  And whenever I make a decision I try to stick to it.  It is one thing to lie to other people, but it is much worse to lie to yourself.  Many people get into the habit of ignoring their true desires and instead they just do what they believe is expected of them by others.  I promise you, this path will only lead to failure on all fronts.

Find and Follow Your Own Values

If you want to please somebody, be honest.  Do what they ask of you only when their values and expectations align with yours, and not because you merely want to impress them.   Do not study to be a lawyer because your parents have been telling you to since you were ten years old.  Instead, become a pilot, or an engineer, or whatever, because it’s your passion.  In other words, figure out what makes you tick and pursue it!

Leave the Comfort of Your Nest

Never forget the definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing every day of every month of every year, and expecting different results.  If you want to truly live, and not merely exist, you have to leave the comfort of your nest.  You have to forge your own path through the uncharted waters around you - for it is these uncharted waters that will eventually lead you to the shores of your goals.

Make Choices and Take Risks

The best way to forge your own path and live a life of fulfillment is to listen to your heart and overcome your natural fears.  You’ll never get to the place you want to be if you’re afraid to make the necessary choices to get there.

Do not be afraid of what someone will think of you or say to you if you express your passion and tell them what you really want to do with your life.  Do not be afraid to make a choice that seems a little risky – everything in life, even getting out of bed in the morning, involves risk.  If you intend to live, you have to accept risks.

Conclusion

It’s your life to live and your life to enjoy, no one else’s.  Nobody on this planet walks the exact same path as you, and this is precisely what makes life so remarkable and fun.  Although others may be able to show you parts of the path, you must take the initiative to walk it on your own.  Because as Morpheus said in The Matrix, “Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

So stay true to yourself, follow your instincts, and listen to your heart every step of the way.

Diggy is the author of UpgradeReality.com, a blog that explores the beauty and simplicity of self-improvement.  If you enjoyed this post then consider subscribing to his RSS feed.

Photo by: Guilherme Cecílio