It is better to be alone than in bad company.

A big part of who you become in life has to do with who you choose to surround yourself with. Sometimes luck controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let stay, who you pursue, and who you let walk back out.

Ultimately, you should surround yourself with people who make you a better person and set boundaries with those who don’t. Here are some general warning signs you’re in the presence of the latter:

1. They want you to be someone else.

Spend time with people who see you just the way you are. Spend even more time with those who truly know about you, and who love and respect you anyway. And if someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back…

Remember, it’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by acting like someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space within your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to (more…)

Let’s cut to the chase today. What you ultimately do in life comes out of who you believe you are. You have to practice believing in yourself and ignoring the naysayers. Because while you may not be able to control the impolite things some people say and do, or the unfair things that sometimes happen in life, you can press forward and decide not to be endlessly derailed by them.

Of course I know that’s much easier said than done, especially during transitional periods of growth and change, but you must remind yourself that it can be done!

How?

Start by memorizing some helpful “notes to self.” After all, it’s not what others say about you, and it’s not what you broadcast to everyone else that determines the trajectory of your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself behind (more…)

Today, during a group Zoom call on the topic of toxic relationship habits, I shared two short stories with ten coaching clients.

“I truly appreciate the perspective today, and the invitation to change how I treat the people around me. I’ve been gossiping, bypassing, and judging people too quickly for far too long,” one person replied. And almost everyone else on the call nodded their heads in support and added their two cents about how they struggle in similar ways.

So, I figured I’d re-share these stories with you here in hopes that you find value in them too. Perhaps they will inspire you to change how you show up in your interactions with others in the days ahead…

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful

A couple thousand (more…)

If someone is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. You know that’s true. But have you given yourself a fair chance to change and grow, too?

Have you loosened your grip on what’s behind you?

If you’re shaking your head, you aren’t alone. At times we all fall victim to our attachments. We simply don’t realize how often we block our own present blessings by holding on to everything so tightly.

Thus, it’s time for a quick true story about life and letting things go…

When Our Old Stories Hold Us Back

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it (more…)

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Sometimes changing your circumstances isn’t possible, or simply not possible soon enough. You can’t get to a new job in an instant. You can’t make someone else change against his or her will. And you certainly can’t erase the past.  So what options do you have left?

Change your perception, belief or opinion about your circumstances. Doing so will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said it perfectly more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed, not by (more…)

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.”
—Thomas Jefferson

This short article was inspired by an email we received today from a reader of the blog:

Dear Marc and Angel,

In one of your articles last week you asked your readers to think about a weakness they’d like to change. Mine is telling lies. Although they’re usually just little lies, I’ve gotten carried away. I lie about things all the darn time mostly to just make myself appear better than I am… because I want to impress people. But it’s getting harder! I feel like every little lie leads to another one, and it’s wearing on me. I’m sick of my own dishonesty! Please help me break this habit. I need some motivation to make a change once and for all. Your thoughts on this topic would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
A Dishonest Reader

Our reply (an open reply to everyone who lies to impress people):

Dear Dishonest Reader,

It’s time for a quick story about life…

Once upon a time, an aging king knew the end of his life was nearing, and he decided it was time to designate a successor. Since he had sadly lost his wife and children in a terrible accident, he chose to pass the throne on to (more…)

Twenty years ago he walked into my dorm room on the verge of tears.

“I can’t take it anymore!” he groaned. “I’m just running in place. I aim. I sprint. And I fall every time. I’m getting nowhere! Nowhere!”

His desperate eyes stared into mine, hoping and searching for an answer…

His Story of Procrastination

He has dreamed of pursuing a (more…)

There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion.

Before you know it you will be asking, “How did it get so late so soon?” Perhaps you can already relate. So take time to reflect. Take time to realize what you want and need in the days and weeks ahead. Take time to take calculated risks. Take time to love, laugh, learn, cry, and forgive. Life is so much shorter than it often seems.

In our line of work we speak with people on a daily basis who have been forced to wake up to life’s fleeting nature. Consider these two small excerpts from people’s stories that we recently received in our email (more…)

Ten years from now, it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way.

Deep down you know that already, right?

Yet today, just like the majority of us, you keep getting distracted by the insignificant.

You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.

You take your important relationships for granted.

You get caught up in hurtful drama.

You give in to your doubts.

And the list goes on.

But why?

Why do you follow these stressful and regretful patterns of behavior?

Because (more…)

Here are some hard things worth reflecting on. They’re hard because they force you to check yourself. It’s all about challenging yourself to keep the right thoughts at the top of your mind, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most.

Some people call them affirmations, or quotes, or convictions, but in any case these reminders have the ability to keep us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life gets messy. So challenge yourself to choose one of these reminders every morning or evening, and then sit for a moment or two while repeating it silently in your mind. See how doing so gradually changes the way you (more…)

A good morning, and thus a good day, aren’t experiences that magically happen — they are created consciously.

Most of us are distracted from the get-go every morning. Trivial activities like checking social media, watching TV, and worrying about things we can’t control often set the tone of the day. And that means we waste our most well-rested time on things that don’t matter, while gradually losing touch with the significant, controllable parts of our lives that actually do matter.

We simply forget that the morning hours are enormously important — they form the foundation from which the day is built. We forget that how we choose to spend these hours can be used to predict the kind of days we’re going to have, and ultimately the kind of lives we’re going to live. So if you feel like you’ve been getting a rough start lately, and stumbling through your days with diminished intention and focus, it’s time to consider (more…)

This morning I was reading a book outside my favorite beachside coffee shop when an 18-year-old kid sat down next to me and said, “That’s a great read, ain’t it?” So we started chatting.

He told me he graduated from high school earlier this summer and starts his college career in a few weeks. “But I really have no idea what I want to do with my life yet,” he said. “Right now I’m just going with the flow.”

And then, with eager eyes, he began asking me one question after the next:

• “What do you do for a living?”
• “When and how did you decide what to do?”
• “What do you wish you had done differently?”
• etc.

I answered his questions as best as I could, and tried to give decent advice with the time I had. And after a half-hour conversation, he thanked me and we parted ways.

But on the walk home I realized the conversation I had with that 18-year-old was actually quite nostalgic. He reminded me (more…)

The worst kind of heartache is often the kind you inflict onto yourself.

If you don’t want to break your own heart, then don’t…

1. Let people invalidate or minimize how you feel.

If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or unfairly judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

2. Regret every mistake you’ve ever made.

If you regret some of the decisions you’ve made in the past, (more…)

You ultimately become what you habitually do. If your habits aren’t moving you forward, they’re holding you back. Here are four prevalent examples of the latter that keep holding the best of us back in life, and some strategies for turning things around…

1. We hold on too tight.

Twenty years ago, when Angel and I were just undergrads in college, our psychology professor taught us a lesson we’ve never forgotten. On the last day of class before graduation, she walked up on stage to teach one final lesson, (more…)

Love is great when spoken, but greatest when shown. Do little things daily to show your loved ones you care.

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on a park bench in the early afternoon when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some jazz music on the car stereo. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, opened the door for the woman, took her hand and guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced to a song under the oak tree. It was such a beautiful moment to witness.

This morning when I opened my laptop to write, the elderly couple immediately came to mind. I spent a few minutes daydreaming about them, wondering how (more…)

Each prompt below contains a quote and question to think about. I have personally used each of these prompts countless times in the past to nudge myself into self-reflection, and I continue to revisit them regularly. They bring awareness to the subconscious attachments and assumptions we all have. And they can help you think and move through situations, big and small, so you can let go, find clarity, and make better decisions going forward.

Challenge yourself to read and reflect on one prompt a day for the next few weeks…

1.

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

What specifically do you (more…)

As human beings, we subconsciously tell ourselves stories pretty much every waking minute of our lives. And these stories don’t just change how we feel, they actually change what we see, what we experience, and what we know to be true. This is one of the primary reasons multiple people can go through the same experience but interpret it differently. Each of us may enter a shared experience with a different story echoing through our mind, and our unique story — our inner dialog — alters the way we feel. So each of us exits this shared experience with a different perspective on what just happened. And sometimes these differences literally make (more…)

Opportunities are like sunrises. If we wait too long, we miss them.

Too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does of course. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. Let this be your wake-up call today!

If you always sit around until you feel 100 percent ready for the journey, you’ll likely be sitting around for the rest of your life. Most of the time you just have to get up and go for it. And no, you shouldn’t feel any more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds your confidence.

Today is the day and now is the time! Thus, it’s finally time to admit that… (more…)

The goal each and every day of your life is to gradually grow stronger on the inside, so that less and less on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.

Truth be told, how you cope with unexpected problems and frustrations can easily be the difference between living a good life and living an unhealthy one. If you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or denial, for example, you can quickly turn a tough situation into a tragic one. And sadly, this is a common mistake many people make.

When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality, your first reaction might be to (more…)

As we all look forward to the next step in life, I know many of us are yearning for a simpler and selective range of experiences — the happy days, the normal times, the settings and events that make us feel more comfortable. And yet, the full range of our reality often brings something very different. The days in front of us will inevitably provide an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness and struggle to growth and pride, and more.

So we have a choice starting today. We can revolt against reality — the reality of having to deal with discomfort, of having to cope with uncertainty, of having to feel upset sometimes. Or we can (more…)