You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will gradually pass. So do your best to breathe when negativity surrounds you today. Let calmness be your superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things too personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which ultimately gives you the upper hand.

Also, remind yourself that people are hard to be around when they believe everything happening around them is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them. Don’t fall into this trap. What people say and do is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds, and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about the storms they are going through and how they view the world.

Now I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment, and sadness in our lives come directly from (more…)

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing.
– Oscar Wilde

When we were young life was simpler, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is simple. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get the harder we make things for ourselves.

You see, when we were young we saw the world through honest, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who were mean. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.

As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down. This happened several times. Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.

As a result, we ate comfort food and (more…)

You won’t find your worth in someone else, you’ll find it in yourself, and then you’ll attract those who are worthy of your energy.

Sometimes we try to show the world we’re flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. Take this to heart. You don’t need everyone’s approval, and you’re better off without it. Because when you embrace who you are and decide to be authentic, instead of who you think others want you to be, all the new doors that open in your life will be opening for the right reasons.

So just remind yourself that there’s no reason to put on an act today. There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to continuously prove to everyone. And if you catch yourself doing so, forgive yourself, and (more…)

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going in life.

You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The things no one else is doing. The things that frighten you. The things others can’t do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.

Why?

Because those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living — between knowing the path and walking the path — between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and happiness.

Of course, the hard things are often the easiest things to avoid. To procrastinate. To make excuses. To pretend like they somehow don’t apply to you and your life situation.

But reality always rears its head in the end. And the truth about how ordinary people achieve (more…)

Too often we overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making a little progress every day.

You’re probably familiar with what’s known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There’s an important lesson here — one that’s very often glossed over…

When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to (more…)

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
— Ann Landers

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you. The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit uneasy about it, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you, (more…)

An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A TRUE friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests in mind and would NEVER…

1. Criticize you for being flawed.

As flawed as you might be, as out of place as you sometimes feel, and as lacking as you think you are, you don’t have to hide all the imperfect pieces of yourself from a true friend. They see your flaws as features that make you interesting and beautiful. They celebrate your quirks.

The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. True friends (more…)

Don’t let toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out of there.

Surviving the ups, downs, and lightning storms of other people’s moodiness can be quite a challenge. It’s important, though, to remember that some moody people may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support. Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their moodiness and negativity, you may still need to protect yourself from their behavior at times).

But there’s another type of moody, negative behavior: that of the toxic bully, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate. It’s this aspect of moodiness that inflicts enduring abuse and misery. If you observe these people closely, you will often notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. Their relationships are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. This is the kind of toxic behavior I want to look at in this post.

I’m a firm believer that toxic mood swings (like classic chain letter emails) should not be inflicted on one person by another, under any circumstances. So how can you best manage the fallout from other people’s relentless (more…)

You think 60,000 thoughts a day. Don’t waste 59,000 of them on negative, unproductive thinking.

A person does not have to be behind bars to be a prisoner. People can be prisoners of their own concepts, choices, and ideas. This is how countless intelligent people waste the majority of their lives. It’s sad, but true.

As life coaches, Marc and I speak with these people every day, and every day the same thinking traps reveal themselves. When we bring these thinking traps to the attention of our clients, most of them can’t see their faults, at least not initially. Because it’s hard to admit that the way you’ve been doing things for the past decade or more has been holding you back.

So that’s what I want to discuss with you today — nine of the most common (and heartbreaking) signs that (more…)

A dad is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.

Thirty years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher gave my class a homework assignment entitled, “Advice for a Younger Generation.” The concept of the assignment was simple: Each student had to interview a person who was over the age of 25, gather enough information to write a basic biography of their life, and find out what their top tips are for a younger generation. I chose to interview my dad. He was 52 at the time and he gave me 18 pieces of advice.

I had completely forgotten about all of this until (more…)

“The best way out is always through.”
— Robert Frost

“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”

That’s an entry from Marc’s late grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to (more…)

Let’s cut to the chase today. What you ultimately do in life comes out of who you believe you are. You have to practice believing in yourself and ignoring the naysayers. Because while you may not be able to control the impolite things some people say and do, or the unfair things that sometimes happen in life, you can press forward and decide not to be endlessly derailed by them.

Of course I know that’s much easier said than done, especially during transitional periods of growth and change, but you must remind yourself that it can be done!

How?

Start by memorizing some helpful “notes to self.” After all, it’s not what others say about you, and it’s not what you broadcast to everyone else that determines the trajectory of your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself behind (more…)

Lying to others is wrong, but lying to yourself is an absolute tragedy.

“Earlier today, in the last few hours before she went into a coma, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently,’ she said. ‘If I had only known, I would have started sooner. I wouldn’t have told myself all those little lies that prevented me from truly living every day of my life.’”

I recorded those lines in my journal exactly 12 years ago today, right after I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who was desperately fighting for her life. It honestly still breaks my heart to know (more…)

If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. You know that’s true. But have you given yourself a fair chance to change and grow, too?

Have you loosened your grip on what’s behind you, so you can step forward?

If you’re shaking your head, you aren’t alone. At times we all fall victim to our attachments. We simply don’t realize how often we block our own present blessings by holding on to everything so tightly.

Thus, it’s time for a quick true story about life and letting things go…

When Our Old Stories Hold Us Back

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it (more…)

The world is full of struggle. It is also full of overcoming.

Character and wisdom are both sculpted over time. These qualities come with loss, lessons, and triumphs. They come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring unknowns. If there was a definitive path to personal growth, everyone would be on it. Truth be told, the seeds of your success are often planted in your past failures, and some of your best stories will likely arise from overcoming your greatest struggles.

Marc and I learned all of that the hard way. Over the past fifteen years we have dealt with several significant hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, betrayal from a business partner, an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff, and more. These experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down and kept us down for a while. But when our (more…)

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.

It’s always necessary to accept when some part of your life has reached its inevitable end. Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. It doesn’t matter what you title it; what matters is that you find the strength to leave in the past those little parts of your life that are over.

Remember, what has happened is uncontrollable, but what you do now can change everything. Knowing this and actually living a lifestyle that reinforces this truth are two very different things of course. Letting go isn’t easy – it’s a journey that’s traveled one day at a time. If you stick with it though, here’s what the journey will ultimately teach you: (more…)

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference in life.

Sometimes changing your circumstances isn’t possible, or simply not possible soon enough. You can’t get to a new job in an instant. You can’t make someone else change against his or her will. And you certainly can’t erase the past.  So what options do you have left?

Change your perception, belief or opinion about your circumstances. Doing so will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said it perfectly more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed, not by (more…)

Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job, or money; it starts with your thinking and what you tell yourself consistently. And the human mind often needs lots of proactive reminders — lots of good practice — to operate effectively on a daily basis. For example, deep down you know it’s OK to…

• Say “no”
• Speak up
• Tell the truth
• Believe differently
• Change your mind
• Prioritize your needs
• Learn from your mistakes
• Embrace your imperfections
• Forgive and seek forgiveness
• Begin again, stronger than before

Yet, you often do the exact opposite when (more…)

One of the strongest signs of your growth is realizing you’re no longer holding on to the beliefs that have been limiting you.

I received a thank you email recently from a longtime reader and coaching client named Kevin (I’m writing about him today with permission). He said the work Marc and I do helped him and his wife maintain healthy mindsets as they struggled and grew through one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Certain sections of his email nearly moved me to tears:

“After injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with my in-laws, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of pneumonia, I was stuck in a deep rut. And I was sitting on the front porch of my in-law’s house feeling sorry for myself one day, when my childhood best friend called me crying and said, (more…)

Twenty years ago he walked into my dorm room on the verge of tears.

“I can’t take it anymore!” he groaned. “I’m just running in place. I aim. I sprint. And I fall every time. I’m getting nowhere! Nowhere!”

His desperate eyes stared into mine, hoping and searching for an answer…

His Story of Procrastination

He has dreamed of pursuing a (more…)