For a really long time I thought I didn’t have “what it takes” to start a business.

When I heard successful entrepreneurs talk about the early days, they’d say things like, “I didn’t sleep for 7 years” and “I’d never worked so hard in my life.” They threw around words like “workaholic,” “hustle” and “grit.”

I’d read these stories—spent after just four hours of work—and think…. I can’t do that. I’ll never have the capacity to work hard enough to make my company successful.

That’s what happens when you start a business with depression.

>>If I get less than 8 hours of sleep, I spend the next day sobbing on the floor.

>>If I have more than two client calls in a single day I have to balance that time with an equal amount of TV. (Let’s just say I plowed through all nine seasons of How I Met Your Mother in a solid three months.)

>>And if I try to fight my exhaustion with caffeine? My brain gets so shaky I end up buried under a pile of blankets trying to calm myself down.

How could I do the hard work of starting a business when the slightest hiccup had me running for my blanket burrito?

Was I destined for a pitiful salary because I couldn’t work the same hours as everyone else? Was my business bound to fail?

OR….. would the freedom of working for myself allow me to focus on self care so I can be productive, creative and HAPPY?

Luckily, the answer was YES.

I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to “fix” my depression. I’ve seen 10 therapists in 10 years. I’ve been on Prozac, Wellbutrin and Lexapro. I’ve tried nearly every form of meditation, gone through yoga teacher training, written thousands of journal entries, tried morning pages, hypnosis, EFT, EMDR and got an emotional support animal.

And every time the sadness hit, I’d feel like a failure…

You’re not doing it right.

You’re not trying hard enough.

What followed was a hideous guilt spiral. The kind that had me sobbing on the couch to my husband: “I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

It wasn’t until I started a business and every waking moment was a chance for me to build something. Something about just needing to get through each day meant that if I wasn’t working, I was taking care of myself so that I could work.

Here’s what I mean…

Before I worked from home, I had to go into an office everyday. No matter what, my butt had to be in that chair from 9am to 5pm. It didn’t matter if I was working, I just had to look like I was. I just had to be seen.

I was miserable, sure, but it didn’t matter if I was happy or not, because it didn’t impact my salary or health insurance or job security.

But now, if I just want to watch cat videos all day, I don’t get paid.

Before, I was just trying to  become A Happier Person Without Depression, NOW I just need to be happy for the next hour so that I finish this client call. I don’t need to fix myself, I just need to feel better for a few minutes.

That shift changed everything.

I’ll get through a client call, then I’ll watch TV. I’ll draft a sales page, then I’ll meditate. I’ve structured my entire day around this delicate balance of Work Time and Brain Health.

To be fair, it took me an entire year to figure this out

I originally thought working from home meant I would have more time for self care. I could take walks in the woods every morning! I wouldn’t be surrounded by people all the time! I could cry on the floor when the mood struck!

Hahaaaaahahahaha!!! Yeah, that didn’t happen.

A schedule, set job and a regular paycheck are also great ways to manage chronic depression. So when I found myself suddenly without my usual means of support, I floundered.

Some mornings I did go for a walk. And some afternoons I would lie on the ground until the panic passed. (And it was a definite plus to not worry about coworkers giving me the side eye for sprawling myself across the office floor.)

However, I now know how hard it is to work for yourself when you have depression.  When you work alone all day you:

• Have an unpredictable income, which can make you feel worthless if you have a slow month.
• Need a ton of willpower and self-control. When the risk of getting fired isn’t enough to get you out of bed, you’re not going to magically start getting up earlier for long walks in the park. No, you’re going to watch five hours of How I Met Your Mother before realizing you should probably put on pants before your husband gets home.
• Are easily derailed by your feelings. Which is fine if all you need to do is sit at a desk all day and pretend to look busy. But when you’re your own boss, any less-than-productive second makes you feel like a failure.

But there is good news.

For the first time in my life, I had unlimited time and resources to discover what things made me feel good, without the constrictions of a traditional job. And so—for the past year—I’ve been learning how to live, work and thrive with my depression (and anxiety and Tourette’s, because there’s all sorts of crazy up in here) instead of constantly trying to fight it.

I built my business to accommodate my depression. Because you can’t “conquer” sadness through hustle and grit.

Before I get into what worked for me, I have one tiny note…

Some of these techniques may feel familiar. You may think, “I’ve tried this already! It doesn’t work!”

To that I say:

1. Not everything works for everyone. Trust me, I’ve been there. If one more person tells me to “journal my feelings” I’m going to scream. Journalling doesn’t make me feel better (I need to get out of my head, not deeper in it). So know that just because one technique works for me doesn’t mean like you should feel bad if it doesn’t click with you.
2. Try again. Sometimes it’s the combination of things or a different type of approach that helps. So don’t discount any ideas before giving them another shot.

So without further ado: The seven things I do every week to live (and work) with my depression instead of fighting it…

1. Morning yoga

I went through yoga teacher training four years ago and it was one of the happiest times of my life. Yoga was my meditation, religion, community and workout regime rolled into one.

The problem is that my beloved studio is halfway across the world, I’m painfully out of shape and never want to leave my house.

I tried dozens of home practice videos, but none clicked. Until I discovered Yoga with Adriene. She has everything from hour-long flows to “gentle morning yoga” to “yoga for anxiety.”

But what really helped yoga stick as a daily habit is that I stopped thinking about it as “something I had to do because it was good for me” to something “I wanted to do because it felt good.” I haven’t done any of Adriene’s longer power flows, and that’s okay. Right now, the goal is to start the morning making my body feel good because, usually, my brain will follow.

2. Tapping (EFT)

As an out and proud skeptic, I’m embarrassed to admit that not only do I tap every morning, but it totally works. If you’re unfamiliar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), it’s essentially a personal acupuncture practice where you use your fingers to tap different points on your body while saying affirmations. Things like, “I am a brilliant genius writer.” Or whatever. You do you.

I personally love Tap with Brad. His videos are short, free and goofy. I tap for 5-10 minutes right after yoga, and haven’t done the same video twice. The guy has a TON of content.

For the rest of the day I find myself repeating my morning affirmations unconsciously. So if I do his video, “Have a great day,” that phrase will randomly pop into my head. Magic!

3. Supplements

I’m a big fan of antidepressants. But with pharmaceuticals come side effects. Prozac made me emotionless. Wellbutrin made me happier, but my Tourette’s worse. Lexapro made me dizzy. Luckily, my special combination of crazy has never been “worth” the side effects, but I’ve also experimented with a lot of different supplements as an alternative. The combination below keeps my energy levels up and my happy hormones abundant.

Here’s what I take:

• DLPA—Meant to block enkephalinase in the central nervous system, which spares feel-good hormones like endorphins and enkephalins. I really feel this if I forget to take my twice-daily pill.

• B Sublingual—If you’ve ever had a B-vitamin shot, you know the magical energy rush that comes from absorbing this vitamin directly into your bloodstream. Those bad boys are expensive though, and a traditional pill doesn’t do the trick. Enter sublingual, a liquid form that’s more quickly digested by our bodies. You can feel this right away. Better than a cup of coffee.

I’ve also experimented with a B complex, fish oil, and St John’s Wort, but I didn’t notice much of a change with any of them. My advice? It can’t hurt to play around (I hope, I’m not a doctor), and if you do happen to stumble across something you love, buy it in bulk and stash it forever.

4. Delete Facebook

I just can’t be on Facebook anymore (#drumpf). The United States is experiencing what feels like the End of Times. And Facebook is a breeding ground for fear and hate—not the ideal environment for people with depression.

No good was coming out me sobbing after each shooting, so I turned it off. Deleted the whole thing.

That was over a month ago and there hasn’t been a single second that I miss it.

Sure, it’s come with it’s fair share of headaches. I couldn’t use Spotify anymore! My friends kept asking if I blocked them! 

But still…. Peace.

Intense, glorious peace. I still keep up-to-date on world news using the good old internet, but I’m not mired in the human trash heap that comes with Facebook comments. Instead of scrolling endlessly through horror stories, I spend that time reading novels. Following floral designers on Instagram. Watching my husband obsess over PokemonGo. For now, that’s enough.

5. Afternoon meditation

I’ve long been a fan of meditation apps, especially Headspace. But a few months ago it stopped feeling good. I found myself more anxious during meditation—experiencing that familiar guilt: You’re not doing it right.

After a little break, I started experimenting with different meditation apps, paying special attention to which ones just sounded good in my ears. Which ones made me feel refreshed? Creative? Inspired?

I stumbled across a few YouTube tracks advertising “brain wave music.” To be honest, I have no idea what that means, but I always fall into a delicious nap while listening, so it’s become part of my regular repertoire.

The second track I turn to is part of the Mindifi series. Part positive-thinking, part hypnosis, these apps feel like sleeping in a warm bath with James Earl Jones.

Point being: If you’ve heard meditation is awesome but just can’t get into it, shop around. And don’t worry if you’re “doing it right.” Just lie down, listen (or not), and see how you feel. Honestly, half the time I fall asleep and napping feels just as good as meditating.

6. Wednesday fun day

Wednesdays are my depression’s kryptonite. Weirdly enough, I love Mondays, but after two full days of work, Wednesdays make me think, “Oh God, I’m burned out. I just can’t.”

That’s when I start to spiral. Wednesdays turned into Binge-Watch-Netflix-Days and not only would I feel physically bad (too much TV gives me migraines), but then I’d feel guilty about all the work I didn’t do.

So a few weeks ago I implemented “Wednesday Fun Day,” where I wasn’t allowed to do client work, but I was allowed to tinker with personal projects. Last week I took a course. The week before that I wrote a blog post. The week before that I restructured my email campaigns.

Now I block out the whole day for fun projects. I still feel productive, but it’s work that re-energizes and inspires me.

7. Stick to a routine

My day might sound boring, but decisions sap my energy, so I try to make as few as possible. I take my dog on the exact same route every afternoon. We leave at the same time and stay on the same side of the street while I listen to the same four podcasts.

Here’s what my weekdays look like:

• Wake up: 7am
• Yoga: 7:15-7:45am
• Shower, breakfast, read, coffee: 7:45am – 8:30am
• Work: 8:30am – 12:30pm
• Lunch break, read, walk the dog: 12:30pm – 3:00pm
• Meditate: 3:00pm – 3:30pm
• Work + meetings, etc: 3:30pm – 6:30pm
• Hang with the hubs, go for a walk, watch TV: 6:30pm – 9:30pm
• Bed + reading and lights out: 10pm

I sleep a lot, I read a lot, and I watch a lot of TV. Lots of downtime means that I’m more productive and creative during my work hours.

Living with depression is a constant experiment. What worked for me in college doesn’t work now. What works for me now might not work for you. But that’s okay. If I’ve learned anything this year it’s that our brains are a delicious mystery, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you never “fix it.”

The post How to Run a Business When You Have Depression appeared first on Marian Schembari.

You know when you stumble across a new website that offers EVERYTHING you’ve been searching for? Maybe you found a blog post that answered every question you had about Austrian bird watching. Or you stumbled across the exact vintage sweater from last month’s Vogue.

You think, “Whoa… These guys are awesome! Must. Devour. Everything.”

But before you do—before you buy, subscribe or share—what’s the first action you take?

You click on that website’s About page.

You want to know if these guys are legit, trustworthy, interesting, honest.

You want them to hook you. It’s exhilirating to find a new obsession and, as humans, we’re always looking for those connections to our own lives. We’re begging to drop everything and get lost in the recessess of some new website.

But. If that About page is too short, boring, wordy, ugly or unclear? We exit. Never to think of them again.

Your About Page Is The Key To More Subscribers, More Traffic, More Press and More Dollars

A truly great About page:

• …grows your list by triggering reader obsession
• …directs new customers to your most popular products and services
• …immediately connects clients to your mission
• …increases shares with posts like, “CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE I FOUND!”

Your website is the backbone of your business. And while you can waste money on advertising, SEO and newsletter promotions—without optimizing your already existing homebase, new visitors will fall through the cracks.

A sticky About page seals those cracks, ensuring your hard-earned traffic actually sticks around and hands you dolla dolla billz.

Want me to prove it with science?

Let’s say you have 5,000 monthly visitors. Each visitor, on average, is worth $5. If you could decrease your site’s bounce rate by just 5%, that’s an extra $1250 each month just from a single page! Not only does an engaging About page make you feel confident, but it actually helps grow your income through your audience addiction.

In fact, just last month I wrote an About page for a client and since then…
…the entire site’s bounce rate decreased by 10% and we DOUBLED the average time on site.

The problem is, most About pages suck.

They’re badly written, jargon-filled and lack sparkle. The more of these comapnies I work with, the more I realize how terrified they are to share their story.

So let’s get this out of the way:

Whether you’re a business, blogger or Etsy seller, how you articulate your story is the key to creating a loyal fanbase.

Without a sense of who you are and why you’re different, customers default to choosing whoever has the lowest price.

If you do nothing to your About page but include these 3 pieces of content below, you’ll be miles ahead of the game.

If you do nothing else to your website, include these 3 pieces of content on your About page
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About Page Tip #1: Tell Visitors What To Do Next

Your About page is like a pretty Table of Contents. It’s the first place people look when they want to know what’s most important. Your job is to make that decision for them, preventing visitors from exiting too soon.

This page should contain everything about your business—from your origin story to photos of best-selling products.

The mistake most businesses make is though is that they either:

1. Leave out this information, spreading valuable content across too many pages. (The more links you ask visitors to click, the more drop-off you’ll see.)
2. Format it into one lonnnng piece of text that’s overwhelming to read.

You need a balance: A page optimized for “next steps” and designed for skimming.

Some ideas on what you can ask visitors to do:

• Read your most popular blog posts
• Check out your bestselling products
• Leave their email address to sign up for your newsletter
• Click on your top 3 services

Ask yourself this: What ONE result from your About page would make you over-the-moon happy? Great. Ask visitors to do that.

What ONE result from your About page would make you over-the-moon happy?
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About Page Tip #2: Get Personal

We want to hear your story. Not every detail, but the sticky elemts that help us understand the importance of your work.

For example, instead of this:

“Umbrella Hat is an ecommerce marketplace for fitness enthusiasts. Founded in Seattle, Umbrella Hat is located in over 100 stores nationwide.”

Do this:

“You know how important it is to get outside and exercise, but when it’s pouring rain and you’re cozy in bed, the last thing you want is to get soaking wet. But what if putting on a stylish hat could protect you from Seattle winters AND let you enjoy the great outdoors?

At Umbrella Hat, we believe nature is the ultimate healer and we don’t want to hide inside all winter. We spent decades designing our signature product—a lightweight hat that keeps you dry—so you can enjoy everything nature has to offer year round.”

I haven’t told you anything else about this company, just their stories. But you already have a first choice, don’t you?

About Page Tip #3: Don’t Withhold Social Proof

We all know the power of testimonials, but few people will click on a dedicated “testimonials” page. You want to immediately create trust, on the place people are actually looking. (Hint: It’s your About page.)

Great social proof encourages further time on site, so don’t hide great quotes deep in the recesses of your website.

Put your favorite testimonials on your About page. This will not only show you’re legit, but encourage people to find out what all the fuss is about.

15 About Page Examples to Inspire You

Need some About page inspiration?

I’ve been screenshotting my favorites pages for over a year. As a gift, I put these into a swipe file for you to download. Inside you’ll find inspiration from Elsa Isaac, Smart Blogger, Isabel Foxen Duke, Groove, Femtrepreneur, Etsy, Elle & Co and more.

For access, fill out your details below and you’ll get the PDF sent straight to your email.

The post 3 Tricks That Turn Your About Page Into a Subscriber Magnet appeared first on Marian Schembari.

When Elliot got down on the proverbial knee and asked me to marry him, I said, “Yes. Duh.” Then all of a sudden we were officially engaged. Thrilled to call each other fiancé and fiancée we received two very different responses from others:

1.) OH MY GOD CONGRATULATIONS?!?!! When’s the wedding?! Where is it? Who’s your maid of honor? Tell me about your dress. Band or DJ? Where are you getting your flowers? OH MY GOD THE RIIINNNNGGGG!!!

OR….

2.) Enjoy this time now, in 30 years you’re going to hate each other! HA HA!

While everyone meant well, I needed insights into marriage – you know, the actual day-to-day, real life stuff. I wanted to understand why older couples said, “Marriage is hard!” and then actually prepare for that.

“Marriage is hard,” isn’t advice.

Telling newly engaged couples who’s brains have turned into wedding cake mush that marriage is hard is patronizing and, frankly, mean.

I was the furthest thing from a bridezilla, and neither of us cared much about fussy wedding frills—we had a small ceremony in someone’s Airbnb, so we researched marriage to death-do-us-part.

Elliot and I were convinced we were the exception (I still think we are), but that didn’t mean we wanted to enter marriage with blinders on. How could we best prepare for this massive life change? There had to be a smarter way.
The problem is, finding resources for newlyweds that aren’t about the wedding day is easier than finding a happily married couple from The Bachelor.

There are two types of pre-marital prep materials:

• Useless checklists with questions like, “Do you want children?” and “Are you a spender or a saver?” (Public safety announcement: Don’t get engaged if you haven’t already addressed these questions.)
• Religious books. Don’t be fooled by what you see on Amazon. Almost all marriage books are religion-based. We’d settle into a promising book until the authors started spewing garbage about traditional gender roles. This was infuriating. And fuel for our viral engagement photos – for real.

Having no one left to turn to, we asked some married couples. They told us, “You’ll never be truly ready.”

To which I would think, “Screw you. I don’t buy it.”

I hate being told I can’t prepare for hard things. I know experience is the best teacher, but I also believe research and preparation give us a toolbox full of titanium-strong tools to fall back on.

Here’s where things get interesting…

Last month, a year and a half into our marriage, Elliot and I got into our first fight. Nothing major, but this one lasted more than our usual 30-minute tiffs. While I now know this is totally normal, it threw us for a loop.

>> What the hell is going on?

>> Why are we talking to each other like this?

>> OH GOD MARRIAGE REALLY IS HARD! ABORT! ABORT!

Because we’re nerdy and actually stay up all night talking about our feelings, we wanted to use this minor hiccup to our advantage and practice better communication, and ultimately, make us happily-ever-stronger.

Enter Dr. John Gottman.

Dr. Gottman is most famous for studying married couples for decades. He’s the grand poobah of marriage counseling and has written a billion books (approximation) on the topic, including a few with his wife, Julie. So, he has some street cred–we should give this guy a shot.

Image via The Gottman Institute

A friend took their Seattle workshop and highly recommended it. Elliot and I couldn’t get to Seattle, but we did find a DIY version called, The Art & Science of Love Home Workshop.
We couldn’t whip out our credit card fast enough.

We bought the workshop because we wanted to:

• Learn better fighting skills so we could argue more productively
• Remember the things we love about each other, especially when we’re angry
• Develop small habits that will keep us from going into “emotional debt” (more on this below)
• Collect an arsenal of tools we can turn to the next time we hit a roadblock
• Understand how happy marriages work (without romanticism or fear mongering)

Was it a raging success?? YES. And so, so much more.

My Favorite Moments From The Art & Science of Love

A photo posted by maschembari (@maschembari) on Jun 25, 2016 at 6:34am PDT

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The Emotional Bank Account

Think of your relationship like a bank account with deposits and withdrawals. Appreciation, compliments, favors, and dates are deposits. Bickering, nagging, and fighting are withdrawals.

When there’s a lot of “money” in your account, withdrawals are no biggie.

But it’s really easy to make unconscious withdrawals—times we snip about the dirty dishes or zone out with our phone in hand while our partner is talking. It’s our job to make conscious, deliberate deposits during the hundreds of daily moments where we can be helpful and kind.

How we’re implementing this IRL:

The bank account visual resonated with us for two reasons: First, the idea that kindness padded our account was a good reminder to make simple gestures. I’ve found myself thanking Elliot for rubbing my feet or making the bed, when before I took it for granted. This is easy.

Second, we realized that withdrawals can come from outside the relationship. Without self-care and regular outings—farmer’s markets, hikes, and dinner with friends—we’re making emotional withdrawals more than we’re making deposits.

We’ve now become more proactive about adding small deposits to our life—weekly runs and device-free Sundays—to combat this, in a way that doesn’t feel combative at all.

Small deposits to your life make for a more robust emotional bank account.
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Take 20 Minute Breaks

Turns out, there’s a reason things can quickly spiral during a fight. When our heart rates increase, the empathy parts of our brains shut down.

That means we’re more likely to say stupid shit when we’re fighting. Stuff we don’t mean. According to the Gottmans, one of the best things you can do when you feel flooded by emotion is to call a time out. Just 20 minutes of non-fight-related activity can calm you down enough to resume and be productive. Read a magazine, watch a TV show, go for a walk… just don’t go over the fight in your head. Once your heart rate has stabilized, resume, but this time with a calmer and kinder attitude.

How we’re implementing this IRL:

One of the problems from our Big Fight was that it was 1 am. The other part was that we didn’t want to “go to bed angry,” so we kept talked even though we were too worked up to say anything productive. Had we just agreed on a truce until the morning, we likely wouldn’t have been as unkind. We were tired, it had been a long day and we said things we shouldn’t.

The Gottmans suggest a hand signal to use when you want a time-out. Elliot and I are basically 12-year-old boys, so we ended up making super gross hand signals that wouldn’t work in the moment. To keep it clean and adult-like, we settled on the word, “break.” If we notice ourselves feeling emotionally flooded during a fight and unable to empathize, we’re allowed to call a 20-minute break before giving it another go.

If you notice emotional flooding during a fight, take a 20 minute break.
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Rituals of Connection

According to the Gottmans, a healthy marriage isn’t just about date nights, sex, and vacations together. They’re about creating a culture “rich with symbols and rituals.” To understand what it means to be part of a marriage, you need to create small touchpoints that will link you throughout your lives.

Most couples never sit down to create those rituals. We fall into default patterns of daily habits and holidays with alternate in-laws. Instead, we should take time to jointly decide on small traditions that make progress towards your dreams and the life you want.

It’s best explained with examples, so keep reading…

How we’re implementing this IRL:

Every night, for the last three years, as we settle into bed, Elliot and I turn to each other and answer two questions:

1. What’s one good thing that happened to you today?
2. What are you grateful for?

I love this habit, both as a way to check-in and talk about something other than work, the dog, and chores—snooze. I also love the routine of gratitude, adding to our daily “thank bank”. One of our life goals is to grow old being happy for what we have. This small ritual—even when we’re only grateful for peanut butter—helps support that goal.

Since our Gottman Workshop experience, we’ve also added another routine: a weekly State of the Union—minus the suit, tie and American flag. Every Sunday morning, over coffee in bed, we check-in about what’s going right in our marriage. Here’s a short little Facebook post on how to do this.

Should You Do the Gottman Workshop?

Yes. Seriously. I don’t know a single couple that wouldn’t benefit from this work. Whether you’re perfectly content or at each other’s throats, our two days together doing this workshop was FUN—I think you’ll like it too. I wish we’d known about it sooner, though I am glad we had one Big Fight under our belts to use throughout the exercises.

It’s not cheap, but it’s cheaper than the alternative. (You know, the “BIG D.”) It’s also cheaper than traveling to Seattle for the live workshop. Personally, I preferred doing it at home. The Gottmans allow 20 minutes to complete an exercise and it was nice to just pause the DVD and take as long as we needed. We also ran out of steam halfway through each day so we took long breaks for coffee, banana bread and walks in the park. On the last day, we celebrated with a romantic dinner at a small French restaurant near our house.

Minor Criticisms

Nothing is perfect, and neither is this workshop. My complaints are minor, but it would have been nice to know these ahead of time:

• The audio is gnarly on one disc. It was hard to pay attention to what Dude Gottman was saying because the quality was so horrible. For $175 I expected a super high-quality recording, but disc 3 had some technical difficulties.
• Lady Gottman, while brilliant and lovely, talks suuuuuper slow. Like if you’re an East coaster native like me you’ll want to slit your wrists kind of slow. So slow we’d get distracted and start talking over her. Oops! Sorry, Julie.

Questions? If you’re curious about this workshop or anything else, ask away. I wish more people talked openly about marriage and I’m happy to be as transparent as you can stand. Of, if you’ve been married for awhile and have some amazing resources—books to read, movies to watch, websites to bookmark—please send them my way.

And if you’re now dying to get your hands on the Art & Science of Love, buy it here.

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The post The Art and Science of Love Home Workshop: An Honest Review appeared first on Marian Schembari.

It started with Upwork.

I know. Upwork. The platform where freelancers build entire websites for $3/hour and clients complain there’s no good talent.

But a few months ago I stumbled across Danny Margulies, who made over $100k his first year freelancing via Upwork and now runs a course on how he did it.

To be honest, I don’t love online courses. Most people are not equipped to teach, so there’s a lot of garbage out there, created by the seduction of “passive income.”

But Danny’s felt different. His blog blew me away and changed how I viewed my value as a freelancer.

I thought I knew how to pitch and charge premium rates.

I knew nothing.

I devoured Danny’s blog, signed up for his newsletter and, eventually, purchased his course.

Seriously, read Danny’s 7 Upwork Proposal Mistakes right now and see what I mean. 

Two days later I was hired by my first Upwork client—who I charged $95/hour, almost double my old rate.

A few days after that, I was hired again. Same rate.

Then it happened again. And again. I upped my rates. After just two months I’d made an extra $3,000. The kicker? I worked fewer hours.

The even better news?

I liked the work more.

Clients paid me to write like myself about their products: leather-bound journals, digital business cards, jewelry and therapy.

Danny’s course kick-started an intense quarter where I learned the real value of my writing.

>>Click here to learn more about Secrets of a Six-Figure Upworker<<

Turns Out, I’ve Been A Copywriter All Along

After almost a decade in marketing, I’d seen the same problem over and over again:

1. Business X isn’t growing.
2. Business X invests in Facebook ads or content strategy.
3. That strategy doesn’t work.
4. Because the Business X website is crap.

Too often, companies spend money on attracting website visitors, even though that website isn’t optimized to retain those customers.

Crappy websites mean those expensive visitors fall through the cracks. No social media strategy can save them.

As an add-on to my marketing services, I would rewrite these websites so their business (and benefits) made sense.

I loved it. More than any work I’ve ever done.

This shocked me. For whatever reason, copywriting felt less slimy than the clickbait articles I’d been paid to write.

Instead of helping massive media companies make money through ad clicks, I helped small businesses connect with their Perfect Customers.

>>Like the New Mexico-based artist with an emotional origin story.

>>The ex-banker who now helps people understand their insurance.

>>The successful teacher and her monthly YouTube series.

I then had three epiphanies:

1. I’m really good at this
2. I need to charge way more for this
3. I need to create a proper business to sell this

So I brainstormed a new company, separate from Marian Librarian, 100% focused on writing irresistible web copy.

Why I Chose to Separate My Business From My Blog

Why create a company separate from the steady presence that is Marian Librarian?

Because over the years this site morphed into a personal journey. And I want to keep it that way, without the pressure to make myself look impressive. I don’t want to turn my baby blog into copywriting lessons. In fact, I don’t want to write about copywriting at all.

I’ve also outgrown the “freelancer” label and my blog journey feels separate from the adventure I’m about to have as a business owner. I now have an assistant and an editor and an accountant, and I run this Real Live Thing completely outside of my “personal brand.”

So I made the decision to create a new website from scratch in 30 days.

Here’s how I did it…

Introducing: Oh Hai! Copy

The name popped into my head two minutes after I decided to build a business.

“Oh Hai!”

For those not obsessed with LOLCATS, “Oh hai” is a reference to the internet’s first real meme—a throwback to early 2000s internet culture.

This name combines my love for the internet with my belief that businesses MUST sound like humans. Because HAI WE’RE ALL HUMAN.

(Except for this guy.)

The name is also a play on how most people’s About pages (including mine) say, “Oh hi, I’m so and so and this is my corner of the internet.”

For better or worse, this trend makes us all look the same.

My mission is to fix that.

First, I Gave Notice to My Smaller Clients

To build this business, I needed uninterrupted time to brainstorm, play and write. So I made a hard choice and gave a month’s notice to my small retainer clients. I had outgrown the work and couldn’t justify the 20-hours per week I billed while my new clients paid me double for the same time.

That gave me 30 days to build and launch this new business before the net dropped from under me.

Then, I Signed Up For Squarespace

I’m a long-time WordPress user, but I’m not a developer. Every problem I’ve had with my site has resulted in hours trolling outdated forums followed by incessant back-and-forth with my Developer Bestie to fix whatever broke.

After I watched yet another friend launch their business on Squarespace, I signed up for their free trial. If I couldn’t figure it out in two weeks, I’d go back to what I knew.

I LOVED Squarespace.

Squarespace’s drag and drop tools are intuitive. And when I deleted a block, their support team sent me a custom video that explained how to fix the problem. No more forums!

I spent a week exploring the platform and outlining how I wanted the site to feel. Did I want another blog? A store? Free downloadable products? These decisions were easier when I had a site to play with myself.

Next, I Defined My Services

No one wants to hire a “generalist.”

It’s copywriting 101: The more specific you can get, the broader your reach.

I thought long and hard about who I want to serve. Over the years, I’ve learned that I love customer-focused writing more than business-focused. I prefer clients who are eager to share their story, not sound like a corporate robot. But most of all, I love entrepreneurs who started their business because of an intense personal experience.

Which is why I structured my offerings around one signature product:

About pages.

Yeah, that little page everyone clicks when they stumble across a new website.

THE most important page on your website.

Unfortunately, this page is also the most overlooked and the hardest to write. Most people slap up a super boring paragraph about what they do and never look at it again.

This page has the highest percentage of visitor exits because business owners don’t invest any time in making it sticky.

When an About page is done right, new visitors stick around FOREVER, signing up for everything you’ve ever created. I’ve seen this one little page kick-off enormous business growth, without investing in any more visitors or doomed marketing strategies.

The problem is, most businesses don’t know how to write these pages to be a) interesting, clear, well-written and b) optimized for conversions. A good About page is like a flytrap—one that keeps new visitors up past their bedtimes, obsessed with everything you’ve ever done.

I also LOVE writing them.

My superpower is to help identify the sticky pieces of your story that resonates with your perfect customer.

The more I thought about this, idea the more I realized I could offer About pages as my main service. I’ve written over 100 in my career, I have a templated system I can do in my sleep and the results are always insane (and who doesn’t like feeling like a bad ass at their job?).

So I created an entire business around About pages.

How I Chose My New Business Logo

Once I decided on my services, I needed to finalize my website. And a website needs a logo, so I went to 99Designs.

I put together a quick brief and watched the designs roll in over the course of four days.

The first few were bad. Really bad.

But then I met this beautiful girl and fell in love…

Meet Beatriz, the Oh Hai! llama.

The llama made no sense and doesn’t give off a luxury feel, but I guess I’m not a luxury kind of woman. I came back to her again and again and if I’ve learned anything these past 10 years, it’s that I’m happier when I trust my gut.

So with a few tweaks, I chose the design and Beatriz was mine.

If you’re curious about 99Designs, use this link to get a FREE $99 upgrade.

Finally, I Hired a Squarespace Designer

Next up, a website polish.

Squarespace comes with gorgeous templates, but they all feel a little… Squarespacey. For a copywriting studio aimed at helping companies stand out, I needed mine to do the same.

I couldn’t afford a multi-thousand dollar design from scratch, but I could afford a young designer’s day rate.

I’d never worked with a designer by the day, so I was curious to see how it would work out.

I hired Melissa Burgess, who’s based in the UK.  I was in San Francisco at the time, which meant an eight-hour time difference. I initially worried that might be difficult, but I woke up on our scheduled day and all the work was done! We did a quick Skype call to go over feedback, but within the hour everything was finished.

The final product….

I’m super happy with how it turned out. A copywriter’s website is text-heavy, and Melissa broke up my insane paragraphs with pretty graphics and bold headlines.

She said, “I can safely say I read your entire site! Wordy, but interesting. The dynamic of text-heavy sites can be tricky, so I decided to play on some juxtaposition of the text placement.”

I love what she did. She let the copy speak for itself without causing reader overwhelm.

(If you want to contact Melissa, you can reach her at mburgessdesigns@gmail.com.)

How to Make the Time to Start a New Business

Making time to build this company was the hardest part.

I had a full client schedule, but knew if I didn’t take time to work ON my business, I’d never get it done. I could always revise my services, change my rates or get a new llama.

The good news…

…I spent April back home in San Francisco. What better time to hunker down and get shit done? I’d be out of my daily routine, away from my needy dog and surrounded by other brilliant entrepreneurs.

So I put a pause on new projects. This was incredibly scary. It’s hard to decline new clients when nothing is certain at the end of the month. But Boss Marian needed to focus on Oh Hai!, not one-off projects at low rates.

I could survive one month on a decreased income.

But how would I get everything done in that month?

New Business Start-up Checklist

• Nail down services and pricing
• Write all website copy
• Collect testimonials and client headshots
• Get new logo designed
• Create Squarespace website
• Manage Squarespace designer
• Create and design ebook (my email opt-in offer)
• Write 10 email autoresponders with tips, discount code and sales copy
• Write corresponding blog post for each autoresponder
• Update old clients on the new business and rates
• Create new client intake process
• Create sequences in MailChimp, WisePops and Acuity Scheduling
• Write THIS blog post introducing old readers to the new business

After years producing websites and marketing plans, I knew what needed to get done before launch.

The problem?

THESE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO DO IN 30 DAYS.

I did them anyway.

Some tasks, like my client intake process, will evolve. But done is better than perfect and my main goal was getting everything out there so I could go back to the work I love most, writing for other people.

How to Market a New Business

Writing about writing (just like blogging about blogging and marketing your marketing business) is not for me. I’d rather write about jewelry or housecleaning or literally anything else than give advice on how to copywrite.

So I decided on a Super Simple Marketing plan, where I would write everything once, automate it, then never touch it again.

1. Free ebook to encourage new subscribers
2. Autoresponder email series
3. Back-published blog posts
4. Guest posting

(Click the above image to download your free guide)

Guest posting on other sites has always been my go-to strategy because it’s fun and effective.

When you build a website from scratch, no one knows you. No links. No press. And while I have a great community here, we’ve already established I want to keep the two sites separate.

The problem is, I ran myself into the ground launching this site and didn’t have time to research a million new places to contribute.

And because I’m uninterested in writing about writing for writers, I had to think outside the box.

I decided to target websites aimed at creative industries. For example, a big interior design blog with a business column, a life coach who’s written about his own business, a photography magazine with a few posts on selling.

Those are my ideal customers. Not other copywriters circle-jerking about conversion rates.

I hired a VA to help identify those websites.

I worked with Angie Guerra, a Virtual Assistant based in Arizona. Last month she pulled together over 20 websites that accept guest posts and are NOT about writing, but still appeal to my target customer.

How to Finance a New Business

I bootstrapped the hell out of this business.

April’s expenses:

Virtual Assistant: $60
Squarespace: $200
Business email: $60
MailChimp: $10/month
Logo: $318
Designer: $340
Fonts: $40

Total cost = $1028

I could have spent more time to create the “perfect” website and strategy, but I’ve already done super well without any bells or whistles, so I didn’t feel pressured to turn this into a $20k six-month project. (Plus, it’s much easier to pivot when you haven’t bled your savings account on Phase I.)

Guys, I’m really, really tired

This month was HARD.

I took the month off from client work so I could “leisurely launch a business.” I learned that is not a real thing.

I stayed up way past my 9pm bedtime and spent a solid four weeks engrossed in this tiny little internet corner. My hands hurt from too much keyboard-time, my back aches from bad desk posture and I’m burnt out as hell.

Time for a nap.

>>While I rest, check out my new biz: Oh Hai! Copy

p.s. There are some affiliate links throughout this post, which means I get a small commission if you sign up. HOWEVER. These are actual services I use and love, so be cool.

The post How I Brainstormed, Built and Launched a New Business in Under 30 Days appeared first on Marian Schembari.

Homer, my fluffy white Samoyed, was meant to ease my anxiety, not cause it.

But from the day Homer entered our lives he was stubborn, manic, bossy, unwilling to cuddle, impossible to train, and beyond high-maintenance.

Not really the kind of dog you want as an emotional support animal.

I first heard about emotional support animals through a friend. To me, they seemed like a sneaky way for people to take their yappy dogs on planes or bypass apartment regulations.

Then I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I saw a million therapists and psychiatrists. I took Prozac, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin. I tried hypnotherapy, yoga, meditation, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). But no amount of drugs or alternative therapies made it better. It had only gotten worse.

One day, lost in the vortex of  trying to Google remedies to cure myself, I stumbled across the idea of an emotional support animal.

Article after article explained the benefits of animals in terms of how they reduce anxiety. They calm you, bring you back to earth, and force you outside when you’d rather live in bed.

I was sold on the idea of a furry companion—a smiling ball of love who’d wake me up on days that seemed unbearable.

So my husband and I found a dog — an 8-week-old Samoyed who was ready to come live with us.

Later, I talked to my doctor about getting an official prescription. I could get a pet without one, of course, but if this dog was going to be my “medicine,” I didn’t want to risk not being able to take it. Our apartment wasn’t dog-friendly, so I also needed a note confirming my condition was real and that my prescription was a dog.

Two therapy sessions later, I had a prescription and we had Homer. He was a tiny, smiling, jolly ball of cotton. When we picked him up at the airport, and the baggage handler — 200 pounds and covered in tattoos — asked us, “Can I keep him?”

Read the full essay on Good Housekeeping>>>

The post My Emotional Support Animal Was Making My Anxiety Worse. Then Our Roles Reversed. appeared first on Marian Schembari.

Yesterday, I read a blog post about a guy who just started freelance writing. He isn’t quite making the money he wants to make yet, but he has high hopes to make money writing fiction. I loved reading about his experience. Watching other people work towards their big dreams always lights me up.

And then I read the comments.

One woman said (paraphrased), “Your hope of earning money for fiction may be misguided. But I hope I’m wrong.”

Lady, I hate you and everyone like you.

Almost every blog post I write about my transition to full-time writing includes some jerk telling me I’ll never make money doing it.

In the spirit of transparency, let’s get this out of the way first: I make about $4k/month freelance writing. It’s not my old full-time salary by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve been doing this for less than a year. Just a few months ago that number was $2k and this month is looking like around $5k.

Sometimes I get paid to write fiction. Sometimes it’s $50 articles. Sometimes it’s copywriting where I charge $100/hour. It’s a mixed bag and I love it.

But here’s what I don’t love:

Artists who—when confronted with hopefuls—need to tear them down.

The term “starving artist” in and of itself a goddamn crime. I’m sick to death of the negativity in this community. Just because publishing looks different, doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. We’re creatives for Christ’s sake! Let’s figure out some new ideas!

For those of you wanting to interrupt and say, “But it’s true! Writers don’t make any money!” Let me say this: when we tell new artists, straight out of the gate, that they’ll never earn money, we immediately put the idea in their heads that what they do isn’t valuable. We encourage the problem.

When we tell artists they'll never make $$, we're the ones saying 'what you do isn't valuable'.
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So when a writer negotiates payment, our voice is the one whispering, “Your work is worthless. You’ll never get paid. You can’t do this.” So they don’t ask for more. They limit themselves. They treat their work as a hobby instead of a vocation.

It’s dangerous to tell writers that we’ll never earn money doing work we love.

Stop telling us that, by default, we’ll starve.

Also? It’s just not true.

I get that publishing is different from 50 years ago. But complaining about it makes you look like the kind of person who whined about the telefone or the printing press. Good luck publishing books by hand!

When I hear complaints about changing industries, I think of this brilliant (sarcastic) quote from Elizabeth Gilbert:

I love it when older generations criticize younger generations. I think it’s just the coolest thing you can do as an older person. There’s nothing you could do that could make you look more open-minded and thoughtful and aware than to look at people 20 years younger and insult their path.

Because I look around and see writer’s learning about self publishing and ebooks. I see authors making six figures churning out romance novels on Amazon.

I see essayists confronted with publications paying $50 per article, so instead start their own blog and create an empire.

I see copywriters, editors, consultants, course-creators, flash-fiction-contest-winners and book midwives.

9 Unusual Ways to Make Money Writing Fiction

Here’s how I would respond to this guy with big dreams: Think big. Think different. You got this.

There are PLENTY of ways to earn money writing fiction. With just 10 minutes of brainstorming and Google, here are some ideas I came up with:

1. Smartphone apps for kids often work with writers to create short stories for their collections.
2. The GE podcast, The Message, is a beautiful work of fiction sponsored by a—gasp!—company.
3. Enter writing competitions as a way to practice and make some money if you win.
4. Start using Patreon.
5. Write ebooks and self-publish.
6. Dive into the wonderful world of blogging and publish your fiction there.
7. Write for video games! Yes, these places work with writers.
8. Start an Etsy account and write custom stories for weddings, graduations, new babies and more. This lady sells “how we met” stories.
9. Be fucking baller, write a goddamn book, find an agent, get it published. Tell everyone who sarcastically says “good luck” to fuck right off.

There is no one right way to write, so stop telling artists that we’ll never make money doing it. Just becuase you don’t, doesn’t mean we can’t.

The post Stop Telling Writers They’ll Never Make Money appeared first on Marian Schembari.

San Francisco was killing me.

I would say it was the naked meth head jerking off in front of my office window that did me in, but we still stayed for another six months after that.

I was making more money than I will most likely ever make again, but still, I was barely scraping by. My life was great –– I had a new husband, a gorgeous puppy, and a cozy cottage, but I didn’t have the energy or the funds to enjoy it. Never mind that San Francisco was getting more and more overwhelming each day.

After two years in the city and six months in the suburbs (a failed attempt to escape increasing rent), I was in debt, lonely, and exhausted. After a ten-hour day commuting to and from work at a tech startup, I spent any remaining time binge-watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It’s no secret that San Francisco is one of the most expensive cities in America. Our rent — for a 700 square foot 1-bedroom above-garage cottage (45 minutes outside the city) — was $3,000 per month.

It was a better deal than our 500 square foot basement studio with no laundry, parking or doors.

But moving out ended up being more expensive. The dog walker was $30 per day. Commuting across the bridge with gas, tolls and parking was $45. Forty five. Dollars. Per day. Just to get to work.

It took two and a half years before I folded.

Read the rest of the post over on Good Housekeeping.

The post We Left America for a Better Life – And We’re Saving Tons of Money appeared first on Marian Schembari.

When I was 16 I found a recipe in Cosmo for a Valentine’s Day dinner to “cook for my man.” Eager to impress my high school boyfriend, I planned an elaborate feast. I bought a red dress. I lit candles.

My parents, however, had planned a trip for that weekend. They told me I’d have to reschedule. But my dad—both accommodating and protective—said that he would stay home from the family trip so I could have my romantic dinner.

At 6pm, my date was supposed to arrive. At 5:55 I had lit the candles, smoothed my dress, poured the salad dressing. I sat at the dining room table and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

You know how this story goes.

I’ve talked about my high school beau on the blog before. Needless to say, he wasn’t a great guy.

But as long ago as this was, that feeling of waiting still churns my guts. Every flash of lights was his car. Every noise was him walking up the drive. Every ding was the phone with him on the other line, apologizing and telling me his mom needed something or his car had died.

At 9pm he showed up as if he’d done nothing wrong.

Nine.

I hate waiting. I feel worthless. Like I’m a teenager at my dining room table waiting for no one as my lasagna cools and the candles melt.

I’m telling you this because I recently a Facebook post that filled me with rage.  

Learning to Say No: It’s Not What You Think

A distant acquaintance posted a self-congratulatory note about how she bailed on all her commitments. Here’s a re-enacted version:

I’ve had enough! I looked at my calendar today and realized I’d overbooked myself. Again. I agreed to give a talk on Monday, had a deadline on Tuesday, am running a retreat on Wednesday and blah blah blah. I finally said ENOUGH! I called each and every one my commitments and cancelled. I feel so free! It’s finally time for me to start saying no to opportunities that don’t serve me. Off to take a bubble bath now!

What followed with a slew of comments like this:

You’re so brave!

Way to go. So proud of you!

Take back control girlfrennnn!

That must have been so hard!

Um. No.

Just because you need to learn a lesson about overcommitting, doesn't give you permission to be a flake.
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Just because you need to learn a lesson about overcommitting, doesn’t give you permission to be a flake. 

Bailing isn’t brave.

Bailing is easy.

What’s hard is knowing you made a mistake and doing it anyway because you don’t want to make people feel bad.

I’m seeing this all the time—in my peers, on the internet and, regrettably, in myself.

I say yes too often. If someone invites me to an event after I’ve already scheduled my week I think, “Oh, that’s totally doable after I go to my doctor’s appointment, walk the dog and have those two Skype meetings. I’ll just do everything quickly.”

I worry if I learn to say no I’ll stop being invited to events. Or that people will think I’m a loser.

Saying no is hard.

Saying yes—then bailing—is easy.

We need to change our behavior

I hosted a little party a few months ago and half of my RSVPs just never showed up. After all day prepping and spending a good chunk of money on supplies, I figured those bailed simply didn’t like me.

Some texted with weak excuses (excuses I’ve definitely used before). Some didn’t even bother.

I don’t think it’s a generational thing either. I think it’s a right-now-thing.

More and more I’m seeing articles about how we have to learn to be selfish and “honor our truth.”

Trust me, I’m the first one to jump on the self-improvement bandwagon. I need a lesson in saying no so I can focus my energies not only on the things that matter (because most days everything matters), but on having enjoyable, stress-free days.

But these articles are confusing us.

So let me clear it up for everyone:

Owning the word “no” does not give you permission to be a flake. 

When you flake, you’ve already made a commitment. You’ve said, “Yes, I’m interested in this. That sounds like fun and you can count on me.”

We don’t need to practice saying no.

We need to practice asking ourselves: Do I really want to do this? Do I have time? Does this light me up? 

We need to practice taking a beat before we say yes.

The post Learning to Say No Doesn’t Give You Permission to Be a Flake appeared first on Marian Schembari.

We’ve been living in Germany for six months now.

I’d never been here before, so I daydreamed about the many European adventures we’d have. Walking along the Seine, cracking open antique books on Portobello Road, swimming in the Adriatic.

My expectations looked something like this:

This is what it actually feels like:

Living Germany: First comes confusion

You’d expect to feel confused when living in a country where you don’t speak the language. However, in Germany, almost everyone speaks some English. When I call Vodafone to complain about my cell phone bill, after much trial and error I’m connected with a perfect English speaker. When I try to get my shoes repaired, a combination of pointing and Gernglish eventually results in a brand new insole.

When I talk about confusion, I’m not talking about the language barrier. I’m talking about not understanding a damn thing about German bureaucracy.

Internet acting up? No problem! Just use the code sent to you in the mail six months ago. Lost the code? Just head to your local Vodafone store, request a new one (and no, you can’t do it over the phone) and wait two hours for the code to be texted to you. But be sure to watch your phone. Your temporary code will expire 20 minuets after delivery.

Have a pet? Don’t forget to register him with the city! And no, this isn’t something you can do online, or anywhere except for the main city registrar. They will then bill you an additional monthly pet tax. This is on top of the TV tax that’s mandatory for every household, regardless if you actually have a TV.

Actually, don’t get me started on taxes. My head might explode. HALF my income goes towards German taxes, despite making a quarter of what I made in the States.

Living in Germany: Then comes embarrassment

The result of living in constant confusion is a constant worry that I’m doing something wrong. Germans like things done a certain way, and  you will be reprimanded because you most definitely are doing something wrong.

For example, last month I ordered a package from Ikea. The package was very big. I live in an apartment, and because mail is delivered with no consistency involving time and/or day and/or season, you must be home 24 hours per day to collect your mail.

Sometimes though, I leave the house. Deutsch Post will—with 100% certainty—attempt delivery during that time. So on this particular day I had to pick up my Ikea package from the local post office. This post office is same place where I practice my German and get yelled at for not being fluent after six months. This lecture is a recurring theme in my life right now.

Fortunately, that day a friendly young woman was there to help. My package was too big to carry home, so she suggested I borrow a shopping cart (einkaufswagen, my favorite German word) from the local supermarket. That way I could place the Ikea box into the einkaufswagen, and roll it all home.

This is my worst nightmare. Imagine walking down a narrow, busy city street filled with stern Germans (all of whom are in their 90s because Düsseldorf’s entire population is retired), in a country where everyone yells at you for everything, PUSHING A GIANT SHOPPING CART. But I had no choice. It was that or sacrifice my adorable new Ikea purchase to the post office gods.

I borrowed the shopping cart.

As I wheeled this monstrosity home, I tried to look down at the ground, hoping to ignore the laser eyes from my German neighbors. But if you’ve ever tried pushing a rolling device containing an uneven piece of furniture inside, let me tell you: it takes of lot of abdominal strength. Since I really just have one giant ab, it took a lot of whole-body tensing to roll this thing down the street without crashing into a parked cart. This meant I had to meet every stern 90-year-old German in the eye, wincing as they snarled.

The good news is, the language barrier comes in handy during situations like these. You could argue I’d encounter fewer embarrassing scenarios if I spoke the language, but I’d counter with the fact that no single human is capable of following every German law. So when I am inevitably yelled at I just smile and apologize, “Entschuldigung, mein Deutsch ist schlecht!” and continue along my merry way.

The post Living in Germany: A Study in Confusion and Embarrassment appeared first on Marian Schembari.

First time here? Read this post to get caught up on this month’s launch party and why both truthing and daring is so powerful.

Truth and Dare Week 4

Today is the last day of our Truth or Dare launch party. It’s a big one. An important one. If you haven’t participated yet, I urge this to be the week you do so.

We’re combining both truth and dare, because it’s daring to tell the truth.

Dare: Share the truth behind a filtered photo

Obviously, I love sharing my life and bearing my soul online. I also love filters and pretty little vignettes where, either through words or images, I can carefully select the pieces of my day that have that perfect glow. 

But obviously there’s a danger in thinking the world is always like that. No one – including that fashion blogger you’re obsessed with –  have it all figured out. Everyone’s updates are covered with gloss. 

Thankfully, this honesty-behind-the-filter phenomenon is seeping into the internet: 

• The makeup artist who posted a real hair day.
• The Instagram model who shared the truth behind her photos.
• The photographer who expanded the edges of a typical Instagram photo.

But you don’t need to be internet famous for your truth to have impact.

You don't need to be internet famous for your truth to have impact #truthordare
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Which is why your dare is to share a photo where things look one way, but in reality are another. 

Truth: What’s behind the filter?

Here’s mine.

A photo posted by maschembari (@maschembari) on Jun 7, 2015 at 1:28am PDT

This is Elliot and I on our first weekend living in Europe. We took a bus to the Netherlands – just because we could – and spent the night at a little hotel. We walked the streets, ate the food, and napped in the local park. This photo was taken the next morning as we wandered the empty canals. It was beautiful and quiet and I was amazed that we could had just taken a quick bus trip and found ourselves in a completely different country.

Afterwards, I received emails from friends with some version of this message: “I’m so jealous of your adventures!” “You must be having so much fun!” And while I feel grateful, I also feel overwhelmed. The idea that we can just up and leave every weekend to a new country may look adventurous and brave, but it can always be exhausting. I so want to be the kind of woman I was at 18 – chatting up strangers and stumbling across local haunts – but I’m don’t think I’m her anymore.

The truth behind this photo is this: moving to Germany was a mistake. I pushed hard to keep living the life I thought made me special and interesting, but what I really want is a house in the woods and a community to call my own. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of good will come out of this adventure, but I think it will be my last. Because my deep dark scary truth is that I’m a quiet homebody, I love living in America and I desperately want a town where I can settle down.

It may sound simple (and that’s my fear: that I am completely average), but it took me ten years to admit this to myself, never mind the world.

What’s the truth behind your filter?

Share a photo (or link to a photo) in the comments and tell us about what’s really going on.

Guess what? We made it a whole month of truthing and daring! I wasn’t confident that anyone would participate, but I was blown away by the number and depth of comments shared. Thank you for helping me celebrate my online transition with your brave dares and your hilarious, honest, heartbreaking truths.

This is why we’re here.

The post Truth or Dare Week 4: Behind the Filter appeared first on Marian Schembari.