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PAALAM SA INYONG LAHAT!

2010-03-28T23:08:00.002+08:00

SALAMAT SA APAT NA TAONG PAKIKIISA SA AKING SENTIMIENTO! NEXT TIME NA LANG ULIT!

MARIJUANA DEN

September 2007 - January 2010

DEADS NA BLOG KO! SAD FACE HERE

The Legend of Siopao

2008-05-10T13:22:00.002+08:00

Wansapanataym in Manggahan, there live a flat-chested woman named Arajaya. She is very adorable not only because she’s beautiful but also adorable because she is adorable like Ador Mawanay.

Because Arajaya has a flat chest, she dreamed of having very large teats like Era Madrigal in her 2008 calendar posted in their room with camel’s toes. Out of nowhere, she saw her piggy bank and thought of a very great idea. She broke it and rushed outside to Belo’s Clinic.

Sarah noticed her and said, “Hey you plat-chested women, wat ar you going to wer? Looking at yorselp, didn’t you ashamed op yorselp beecoz yor plat breasted?”

“Don’t give a flying fuck Sarah. And mind your own business!” replied Arajaya with arching-eyebrows. “Now get lost.”

On her way to Belo’s Clinic, she checked her money, counted her cents, and noticed that it is not enough for breast enlargement. Luckily she passed-by in front of Paotsin Siomain and Siopao and thought of a very great idea.

Five hours later, she went back to their house and saw Sarah standing at the door as if ridiculing her. “Sow wat hub we hub her?” then focused her sight to Arajaya’s breast. “Oh no! How did was happends? It kent be…. Haw was that happends?”

“Sorry Sarah… I pity you. Don’t worry continue praying and who knows, the good Lord may give you this…”

Sarah ran while crying… Arajaya was so overwhelmed because of her accomplishment. Suddenly, her stomach ached… “Oh, I’m hungry.” She said, “Good thing I have two large size Siopao here.” Then she detached the two siopao from her breast and eat it.

And she lived happily ever after.

Arajaya meets Inday near Starbucks: A legend

2008-02-16T16:29:00.001+08:00

Arajaya was sipping her cup of brewed coffee served with hot pandesal by Coffeebean – so Filipino – so indigent – when a group of infamous people started to occupy the near-by infamous café a.k.a Starbucks. They were so noisy that Arajaya’s blood boiled – temperature almost reaching 412 kelvin.

But since Arajaya is a woman of sophistication, she decided to just ignore the crowd and let them live the way they wanted.

Suddenly, she felt a strong chill. She felt a very odd sensation from her nape to her head – the FEELING of being watched. But then again, Arajaya never gave a damn.

When she was about to eat her hot pandesal, she started to hear a familiar voice from her back.

“What a very small world” said the woman in a maid’s uniform.

Arajaya turned around and was surprise to what she saw.

“Well if my hippocampus serves me right, you are Arajaya, my former friend who turned her back from me. Aren’t you?”

“Wow! What a very well rehearsed introduction. Inday – my former friend who framed me up to escape a crime she’d done. Who would forget that sweet demonic voice – your pitch and intonation as well as your liaising? "

“Basing from the gesture of your not so well-developed bone structure predominantly – your skull – that gave you a very elongated face and the kind of food that you have right now, you are about to nosh your stomach with an impecunious meal they called ‘Kape’t pandesa’, uh – was that right?” said Inday as if ridiculing her.

“Yes. Would you like a bite?” replied Arajaya.

“Thanks but no thank. But would you mind if you join me at Starbucks instead of taking your breakfast in this approximately forsaken café with a very ghastly ambience.” Said Inday “I also want you to try my favorite Venti Java Chip Frappuccino along with cold sandwich and some Choux pastries. Don’t worry my treat!”

Arajaya stared at Inday, sneered at her then opened her MACbook Pro.

“Thank you for the offer but I prefer Coffebean to Starbuck. I just think Starbucks is a den of social climbers and bourgeoisies i.e. you.”

“Oh, dear! Don’t you think your getting rude, I just want you to experience life. Okay, I’ll – “ Inday was interrupted because Arajaya was busy working with her MACbook.

“And what are you trying to do Arajaya?” asked Inday impolitely.

“Hmm… nothing so important. You wouldn’t understand it even if I tell you.”

“Are you trying to undervalue my comprehension by implying that I will not understand the philosophy that you are doing with your MACbook? C’mon, don’t be so supercilious friend!”

“Okay, I am configuring its IEEE 802.15 to perpetuate the distribution of electromagnetic waves from the medium access control and the physical layer to the transport layer. Later, I will also track the process from the session layers in which the packets are sent and processed for the presentation layer to convert the signals into binary form. Example, if I tried to send “Inday go to hell” message, it will me converted to its hexadecimal value which is 496E49617900676F0068656C6C which will later be converted to its binary value of 01001001011111100100100101100001011110010000000001100111011011110000000001101000011001110110110001100110. Then, the application layer will check the binary value for error detection using parity bit (even). If there are errors, it will fix the massage then send it to the ALU for processing which will be passed to the CU for data transfer. Satisfied?”

Inday remained silent for awhile then ran towards Starbucks when she heard “1 Venti Java Chip Frappuccino for Inday!” to get her order.

“Starbucks bullshit!” said Arajaya to herself.

After eating, she decided to go to her work and accidentally passed-by in front of Starbucks when she heard Inday. “I was so careless. I thought that the wit I have in me which I found flamboyant in using any language I know of would simply astound them. I was just mortified that it took me a little pinch of effort not to step beyond the waterline, to just impart to the people I formerly know of that I have grown into a better personage – not just a chambermaid whom others look down to. I was just disgraced by the thing I have heard awhile ago that my heart beat faster than abnormal that I suffered from the incapability of speaking. Good thing that cute barista called my name. I just wish that someday, I would be able to face my worst nightmare that is yet to come – yet to come that will consume me and bury me to death. I just wish that day isn’t coming yet.” (inday nag-emote matapos matabla ni Arajaya sa Coffeebean).

A Tale of Arajaya Part 2

2008-01-07T17:20:00.001+08:00

Bago ang lahat, naaalala nyo pa ba yung “A Tale of Arajaya”? To review my post about that, click here.

Bale, ang post na yan ay may mga linyang "Was there a black-out?" mula kay Almond - ang bf ni Arajaya. That is also the same line in the film Desperadas yung line ng asawa ni Iza Calsado (yung time na nag-sindi siya ng mga scented candles sa kwarto) na "Oh, brown-out ba?" wala lang nai-share ko lang sa inyo...

Pero that's not the main topic here... it's about Arajaya! Yup, Arajaya is BACK. Mas MADRAMA - MAS LOVELIER (talagang MAS LOVELIER HA!) - MAS MAGANDA - MAS KAPANAPANABIK - MAS GREEN!

SO the story starts here...

"Was there a black-out?" asked Almond to Arajaya.

Arajaya was disappointed to the behavior of Almond. So she run towards the door - away from the man that she love.

Almond run after her but Arajaya was way faster than him.

Almond: Okay! Go on, run away! You'll see, I'll get over you! I'm gonna fuck you away of my life! And I will let you fuck with other guys even if I would have to call you BITCH for the very last time! I will do that because I LOVE YOU!

Arajaya: STOPS

Almond: I'll get over you... because I fucking love you. BBBBIIIIITTTCCCHHHH!!!

Arajaya: Stop calling me a bitch!

Almond: BBBBIIIIITTTCCCHHHH!!!

Arajaya: Stop calling me a bitch!

Almond: BBBBIIIIITTTCCCHHHH!!!

Arajaya: Stop it!

Almond: BBBBIIIIITTTCCCHHHH!!!

Arajaya: Stop it! You're making me want to STAY!

Both were standing parrallel to each others. Looking at each other's eyes. All of a sudden...they ran toward each others. Hugged. Kissed.

BOTH: I love you!

-end-

THE LEGEND OF "USTE" and "TAMARAWS"

2008-01-04T21:23:00.001+08:00

Opppsss... no hard feelings po sa mga taga-UST and mga taga-FEU! Joke time lang po!

Saan ba nag-ugat ang salitang USTE? If I am not mistaken... ang salitang USTE ay nag-ugat sa abbreviation na UST o Unibersidad ng Santo Thomas. And salitang USTE ay ginagamit ng mga kondoktor ng BUS upang iparating sa mga pasahero na nakarating na sila sa teritoryo ng UST.

Pero alam nyo ba nyo ba na dumaan muna ang mga experto sa maraming test before coming up with such word?

Well, una inisip nila na "USTA" na lang, pero noong nilapat na nila sa "Go USTE...Go USTE...GO...GO...GO...GO..." cheer eh hindi sumakto... "Go USTA! GO USTA!" tila pangit sa pandinig... hanggang sinubukan nila ang "USTI" pero pangit pa rin. Mala-bisaya ang tabas at bukod pa roon ay medyo pangit pakinggan ang USTI dahil baka isiping University of Sexually Transmitted Infection and ibig sabihin nito. So they change it from USTI to "USTO"... pero pangit pa rin... kaya hindi na rin nila itinuloy ang "USTU" kasi matigas at may diin kapag isinalita. Kaya ang natitira na lang ay "USTE"... Hmm... maganda... pwedeng-pwede at sumasabay sa himig ng "GO USTE" shout tuwing UAAP.

So dahil sa magandang tunog na napo-produce tuwing sinasambit gn USTE, sinimulan na rin nila yung gamitin bilang pang-alyas sa UST. So GO USTE!

Ngayon naman, pag-usapan natin kung bakit TAMARAWS ang tawag sa mga taga-FEU... Well... ang sabi sa akin ng bestfriend kong tamaraw eh pinoy na pinoy daw ang salitang TAMARAW. Pero ang sa isip ko ngayon, pinoy na pinoy? Hmm... if they really want to sound very Pinoy, why not use CARABAO instead? Diba, pinoy na pinoy... bukod sa dating nito eh mukhang palayan rin naman ang field ng FEU right? yung lawn dun... na KEEP OFF the WEEDS. Joke lang!

Pero dahil gusto nila na medyo susyal, they chose na lang talaga yung TAMARAW. Kasi naman, kung mag-che-cheer eh disaster naman kung sisigaw sila ng "Go, fight, go fight CARABAO! " Diba... Pero pangit rin naman kung mas pinasusyal pa, kasi from TAMARAW eh magiging (Water) Buffalo. "Go, fight, Go fight, (Water) Buffalo!" Diba hassle. Ang hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaa. ANd so Holy. Ang Holy! Holy Molly! GO TAMARAWS!

Hahaha.. so ang post na ito ay SPONSORED by BUTO NG KAPE... joke lang... Wala lang to, joke time lang... kabagot... Walang maaasar ha! Dahil hail stones in heaven, he/she who gets hit shouldn't be angry!

FISH OWT!

Kung bakit may bomb sniffing dogs.

2007-12-31T14:07:00.001+08:00

Kasuklam-suklam kung ika’y titingnan,
Dahil sa iyong hubad na katawang puno ng saksak.
Ang iyong mukha…sabod…basag
At punung-puno ng sariwang dugo mula sa katawan.

Apoy…saan mang sulok ay may apoy…
Lahat ng tao ay nagkakagulo…
Pulis, sibilyan at lider ng Mundo;
Galit na galit dahil sa ginawa mo.

Tumakbo ka…
Hinabol at tinadtad ng suntok at tadyak…
Pinalo sa ulo…
Sabog ang batok…

Hindi pa nakontento,
dahil galit sa iyo,tinadtad pa ng bala patagos sa buto.
Ang mukha mo’y sabog
At punong-puno ng dugo...

Sa gitna ng kaguluhan
Naiwan kang mabaho...
Nilalangaw at nilalapitan
Ng iba’t ibang insekto…

Iniwan ka sa gitna
Habang ang alikabok
Nakikiramay sa dinanas mo...
Habang ang Usok ang tanging bumalot sa iyo.

Tumakbo ka…
Hinabol at tinadtad ng suntok at tadyak…
Pinalo sa ulo…
Sabog ang batok…

Hindi pa nakontento,
dahil galit sa iyo,tinadtad pa ng bala patagos sa buto.
Ang mukha mo’y sabog
At punong-puno ng dugo...

Naiwan kang nag-iisa.
Walang karamay.
Pero sa kabila nito,
Ngiti pa rin ang iniwan mo sa mundo.

L A leaf falling ONELINESS...

2007-11-22T22:34:00.001+08:00

DEAR GOD,

Please kill

my fuckin heart

so that I could never

love again...

NUMB ME,

ENVELOP ME with your

never ending symphaty

so I could never pity myself...

LET THIS be the last...

LET me SUFFER not

to the pain it shall give

so I could never be hurt again...

I don't want to be

self-destructive

OBSSESIVE FUCKER

who sucks in every way...

KILL it...

BREAK it into piece...

PULVURIZE the remains...

so no one can mend it back...

SHATTER it...

TORN it...

DESTOY it...

So the fragments will be lost

For all eternity.

And thus, I shall never

feel sorry again...

Truly Yours,

Me - just me.

BITCHES? Whatever!

2007-11-04T19:05:00.001+08:00

“If a bitch is someone who doesn’t know how to kiss and is still a virgin, I’m a bitch then! And I am proud to be one. How about you, are you one of us?”

Deci once advised May-ann to say this line if someone says she’s a BEEYATCH…

BITCH – this is word is given to a girl to degrade her or destroy her reputation to all the people who particularly know her. However, some may take this as a compliment because for some, a “BITCH” is someone who is palaban and would fight for what she believes in. So to make things clear, I would like to share to you my knowledge about the three kinds of bitches so that when you use the word again, the person who receives it wouldn’t get the idea the wrong way you intend it to be…

Let’s start first with the “FIRST CLASS BITCHES”. These are the kind of bitches whose brain is bigger than their boobs. They are smart, talented, and very professional. SMART, because, instead of asking the guy to wear condom, she rather take pill so that the guy will be fully satisfied during SEX, after all, abortion no not a problem and if everything fails, she can support naman her child kung papalya ang pills.. TALENTED because she’s an expert with regard to the correct positioning of her legs when the guy is over her. She is the one who’s in control during blowjobs and thinks that SEMEN is SWEET. She knows a lot of things and is willing to share it to others through FHM and other sex-oriented magazine in the market. AND PROFESSIONAL because a-one-night-stand is a-one-night-stand for her. The passion ends after that night and there will be no continuation [well if you know what I mean!]. When she got pregnant by mistake, NUPTIAL is never an answer for her.

So to cut is short, being a FIRST CLASS BITCH is an honor. And note: She’s very choosy when it comes to the person to have sex with.

How to use it:

Kaaway na Girl: Okay, will you please stop tailing with my boyfriend?

You: I am not tailing with your boyfriend, he’s the one who’s doing it to me.

Kaaway na Girl: BITCH!

You: At least I am a First Class Bitch! [then you give her insult like: Please excuse me coz I don’t want to waste my precious time to the worst slut in town.] You can have the whole of him, I am not interested to that fuckin faggot. [then deviously laugh]

Typical Example:
Asia Agcaoilli and those who submits their story at FHM.

Second is the “MIDDLE CLASS BEEYATCH!”. These are the kind of bitches whose boobs is as big as their brain. In short, they are the AVERAGE SHITTERS. When it comes to real-life-enduring actions on the bed, she lets the guy take over. She follows on every order she hears from her MASTER.

i.e. In a blow job scene:

Guy: Tang ina lalabas na!
Girl: CHUP CHUP CHUP!
Guy: [Nilabasan]
Girl: Yuck!
Guy: Lunukin mo!
Girl: Yes MASTER [kahit maduwal-duwal].

She’s not that intelligent but she’s wise. She asks the guy to wear condom [which doesn’t make a sense naman kasi the guy will eventually remove the plastic tube when she’s already loosing control] for safety measures. When she got pregnant by mistake, she’ll simply cry in front of the guy and will say, “How are we going to solve this? We need to be marriage.”

For her, nuptial is the only answer to protect herself from shesmiss. Moreover, she’s not that choosy. Para sa kanya, basta titi masarap! Yung mga mayayaman na Middle class bitches likes doing it with mayayaman na kalbos pero mapapangit. Nyhahahahahaha!

How to use it:

Kaaway na girl: You’re such a bitch! Layuan mo ang jowa ko!

You: A bitch? I am no a bitch, I am a middle class bitch! Sorry but I won’t stoop to your level because you are far worse than a slut or any other common prosty and whores.

Typical Example:
Katrina Halili (needs to level-up to be a first class bitch), Alexandra de Rossi, and other bungangeras sa TV.

Third and lastly are the COMMON BIATCH! Yes! Pokpok, posty, prostitute, malandi, malantod, malantutay, and etc. 70% of they do sex for a living and the remaining is for past time or simply hubby. The reason why they are called like this is because they would simply say yes when a guy asks them to do it with him – like a female dog (bitch), and a female horse (whore).

They don’t ask their partner to wear condom because actually, they weren’t given the chance to ask because most of the time, they are not prepared because I happens in an unexpected time.

How to use it:

Kaaway: Thank you for calling me a bitch, I take it as a compliment.

You: Point of order, I said, COMMON BITCH…in short, pokpok ka! And if you don’t know that, better get this knife and slash your wrist.

Typical example;
MALU FERNANDEZ (well, only stupid people doesn’t they are stupid, right?) and Regine Velasquez (sorry for those who idolize her! I just want to include her here because she’s a man-stealer and life-wrecker).

So there you go. Those are the kinds of bitches. So the next time around, don’t just use the plain word “bitch” because sometimes, you need to incorporate other words to add power to your insulting words.

So where do you belong? Oh fuck it, just enjoy it!

A Tale of Darna

2007-10-30T19:43:00.001+08:00

BTW, I have a new blogspot...It’s my photoblog actually…so to view it just click here.

Wah…before we go any further [wah teri hatcher ba ito?] I would just like to tell a personal story happen to me just recently…or okay, just lately in our Speech Communication class.

You see, we were asked to prepare a two minute long talk and deliver it in front of the class as our last graded oral recitation for the midterms [at dahil mabait akong bata, nag Tribal Wars lang ako…at nagfriendster nang ang Friendster ‘til the end], and OH SHIT! Na first blood ako!

Well, there’s nothing wrong naman being the first one to stand in front and speak in English for 2 minutes but the mere fact you aren’t given the chance to review and prepare just make me feel so FUCKINGLY SAD…[oppsss…read that again with feelings…FUCKINGLY SAD!]…hahahaha…that was the longest 2 minutes of my life and yet the shortest! Nabitin ako! Nakakaasar kasi, since it came in an instant, thoughts were all mixed up and the moment I knew it, wala na, ubos na yung time for me…although naging masaya naman ako with the outcome….

McRey: Oh shet! That was a disaster!

Galagate: Tangik, okay yun! Maganda nga eh! Okay, parang nagkekwento ka lang…

McRey: Tang ina talaga, na first blood pa ako…

Hay…sana makakuha ako naman ako ng 3.5 to 4.0 [western grading system] no! I am a failure kasi with written exam…Ha! Mighty gad in heben!

Ai isa pa, tama bang tadtarin ng ATAY ang ULAM KONG AMPALAYA? SHET ANG PAIT NA NGA PINAPAIT PA! AND WELCOME nga pala sa ANAK ni ATE GING na nagngangalang, CHELSY ANN...WELCOME to the FAMILY!

Here’s the Tale itself… [ang galing no, parang group discussion lang, kailangan talaga ng side comment eh! Nyahaha]

Wansapanateym in a far away land…there live a beri beautiful heroine known as DARNA…she is so beautiful and kind that people admire her and at the same time hate her for being so BRIGHT and yet so SLOW….don’t ask me why it is like that…basta yun na yun!

Wan day, Valentina, her nemesis, attacked the city of Quezon City together with her ewwyyy alagad…the snakes….FUCK I hate snakes sorry for this but I JUST HATE SNAKES!

DARNA: Valentina, itigil mo na ang iyong kalupitan!

Valentina: Shet…you siyat ap okay! Im none true yet witchu! Ay heyt yu n ay shall distroy yu!

DARNA: Kahit kalian, hindi mag-wi-win ang mga masasama!

Valentina: FAK! Yu ar so tatsi! Tenk yu…sow as a reward, MGA AHAS SUGURIN SI DARNA AT PATAYIN SHA! SSSSHIIIII, SHHHIIII, SHIIII, SHIIIII!!!

DARNA: [nagtatatalon] Tama na Valentina! NAIIHI NA AKO!

And DARNA was defeated…and Valentina lived happily ever after!

-the end-

A Tale of Arajaya

2007-10-25T19:51:00.000+08:00

If you’ve already read “The Legend of Arajaya’s Panty” you wouldn’t have to wonder why she’d ended up with such a fairytale-like sequel…

One night in Arajaya’s life, she prepared dinner to apologize with her boyfriend, Almond; about what happen the last time she brought him to her room. You know, the stingy and baconized panty of her that vexed her boy friend.

She prepared the chicken, the beef, the pork, the veggie, and all the most mouth-watering recipes that she knows. When she was setting the table, she thought of a great idea…yes, a CANDLELIGHT DINNER.

After that, she called Almond and asked him to go to her place. “Please Almond, I am asking this to say sorry…”

At around 10 ‘o clock, Almond arrived at her house but noticed that the lights were off. He pressed the door bell… “Ding dong” the bell rang, “Yoo hoo! I’m here!”

“Come in and go here at the kitchen!” Arajaya shouted.

Almond came in, went to the kitchen and saw Arajaya’s artistic kaartehan with the table and all the stuffs all over the room. The candles were set and the entire place was covered with rose petals. Arajaya smiled but something’s wrong with Ken’s face… Then he said, “Was there a black-out?”

-the end-

The Legend of Flat Iron

2007-10-22T20:56:00.001+08:00

a.k.a. The Legend of Sarah’s shirt: A Sequel to The Legend of Eggplant

Because of the incident happened to Arajaya the night she felt horniness, she was confronted to make a restitution for the help that Sarah offered just to take the rotten Eggplant off her pussy.

Sarah gave all the house chores to her; let her wash her clothes, and in a worse sense, let her wash her clothes then have it flat ironed.

One day, Sarah decided to go to Glorietta 2 to buy new dress for her friend’s birthday.

“Hey Arajaya, ken you plis plantsa my dress, kasi im go to Glorietta 2 to bay anader dress…” Sarah said, “Diba you hub utang pa naman to mi bekos I helping you awt to teyk da bulok talong out of your pepe?”

“But, this is too much! My hands are already tired and weak! I can’t do it anymore! Please…you can’t control my life. I also have mine!” Arajaya pleaded.

“Tang ina mong malibog na babae ka! Apter ay helping you dis is you bayad-bayad utang to me!” She answered back angrily, “Ayus ka ah! How there you naman!”

“Please…end your suppression now…else, I think I am going to die! Heavenly Lord, let her mind be enlighten by your heavenly power. Let me escape from her oppressive hands!”

“Hoy, wag ka ikaw mag-inats der! Wat du you think you? A madder superyora? My Gad! Arajaya, baka you want me pa to tel other abawt your lababol talong?”

“No don’t! I promise I won’t do it again! Just don’t tell it to others! I am begging you with all humility left in me...please, I can even flat-iron your dress at its best! Just don't tell it to others!”
“Good!” Sarah replied, “I wil go bak leyter to si it!”

Arajaya flat-ironed the dress while her mind is flying…she rubbed the fine silk using the hot metallic flat causing the silk to be smoother than it was before. When Sarah went back, she was so impressed on how Arajaya worked things out. She wore it quickly and left the house in a whip wham of time.

Sarah strolled at Glorietta 2…she was so happy on how Arajaya made her dress look fabulous. People are looking at her and she feel like a star…but when she reached STARBUCKS, [oy dapat bayaran ako ng STARBUCKS for the advertisement] a gorgeous looking man approached her. Sarah’s jaw dropped when she saw the stunning looks of the man. When their eyes and body meet, the man whispered to her left ear, “Miss butas ang pwet mo!”

“Gaga, yan ang bagong pasyon isteytment!” Sarah said regaining her composure, “Shet, haw there you naman nat two know eat!”

-the end-

The Legend of Loving You

2007-10-19T11:18:00.001+08:00

Base mula sa dyok ni Mr. Alejandro “Don Don” Nueva

Wansapanateym at Arajaya’s house, she was inside the bathroom and was ready to take her weekly shower. She faced the mirror, applied oil on her face and other skin, and then complimented her beauty.

After the application of the creamy liquid, she moved toward the tub…lifted her left foot first and tapped it inside the ceramic container followed by the other foot.

Hearing the trickling water flowing down her naked body, Arajaya sang her “peyborit sing” titled, Loving You.

"Loving you, its easy coz' your beautiful..."

She sang it, “Lalalala” – “lalalalala” – “Lalalalala” – “Lalalalalala” , while feeling the softness of her skin. But when she reached her chest, her tone progressed into a more passionate pitch…her hands on her nipples… “Dinudodo-dodo” then crawled downward to the lower extremity, “Ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

-the end-

Coatable Coats from Arajaya

2007-10-16T20:37:00.001+08:00

"My skin's so delicate that only few people are given the chance to touch it. [pause] Only ADOBE Photoshop touches my skin, who touches yours?"

- Arajaya once answered when a friend gave her a compliment.

"I may be everything but I am not a slut. I can't blame myself if I was born a Vamp."

- Arajaya's response when Sarah called her a slut. This one also goes like this: I maybe a bitch but I am not a slut!

"When it rains, i will play my [cat] pussy..."

-Arajaya's anwer to the question, What will you do when it rains?

"I am close to being mad but sorry, you're not the right person who can make me like one. Sorry for thw words but, you're not even a piece of shit!"

- Arajaya reaction when Sarah agitated her.

"If you have Sarah in your life, I don't think you'll ever need an enemy."

-Answer to, Who is your rival?

"I cannot be dumb if deep within me I'm real"

- Arajaya told Sarah when when typecast her as DUMB.

"I am not willing to change myself into someone who I am not in order to please you!"

- Arajaya's response when someone asked her if she's willing to change herself.

"Love me. Hate me. What makes you think I care?"

- Arajaya's reply when Almond told her he hated her.

"I am a champion. I just don't know I am."

- Arajaya highlighted on an interview after winning the debate against Sarah.

"I don't need your attitude. I already have mine!"

- Arajaya explained when someone told her she has an attitude problem.

"You may be smarter. But I am great!"

- To Sarah, in a Debate competition.

"Do I need to answer a question which you already know the answer?"

- To Almond when he asked her if she loves him.

"Loving the right person in the wrong time is hard but loving the wrong person in the right time is far harder... : ("

- To herself after her break-up with Almond.

"You do it not once but twice, but you did it again! Do you think you can intimidate me?"

- To Sarah after she slapped her with the [Alamang] Bagoong.

"You don't have a heart, you don't know how to love, you only know how to hurt! : ("

- To Sarah after each oppression she's giving her.

"I will tell you my secrets but I would have to kill you!"

- Arajaya's response after asked her secret to beautiful skin.

"Pangit ka na nga, pangit pa ugali mo, wala nang natira sa iyo."

-Arajaya to Sarah, confrontation nila. Face-to-face.

"Call me a bitch again and I'll pee on your leg."

- Nabasa ni Arajaya sa T-shirt.

"I will not let anyone monopolize me for I have given the power to rule myself."

- Philosophy in Life ni Arajaya.

"I cannot fix you if you are idiotically stacked to your perception."

- To a friend asking for an advise.

The Legend of Eggplant part 2

2007-10-14T19:56:00.001+08:00

This is the continuation of The Legend of Eggplant…

So there was I, Arajaya was pleading to Sarah to help her remove the eggplant inside her fallopian tube. But Sarah is so hard to convince until our princess promised her to give everything. Sarah’s eyes twinkled. She ran across the living room, grabbed the vacuum cleaner, and slotted it between Arajaya’s legs.

“SHUUUUUU!!!” In a minute, Arajaya felt relieved.

The next morning, Arajaya decided to take a bath at the [Pasig] river near her house. When she reached the riverbank, she saw a police and seduced him by singing: “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod.” And most probably, you already know what happened next.

The next next morning, Arajaya decided to take a bath again at the river hoping that she’ll meet the police again. And just like magic, the police appeared. She sang again: “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod.” Then the police followed her and fucked her.

The third morning, she sang aher seducing nd arousing song again. “Pupunta ‘kong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” and the policed followed her again but when they arrived at the riverbank, they saw Arajaya’s father.

That night, the police visted her at their house and he sang in a low toned voice, “Pupunta akong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” but no response. He sang again, “Pupunta akong ilog, ikaw ay susunod…” a minute later, Arajaya finally sang back, “Walang ng ilog, ilog, KIKI ko’y sunog.”

-the end-

The Legend of Eggplant

2007-10-07T19:17:00.001+08:00

Wan lonely night of Arajaya’s life, she felt beri lonesome and hot. She was the only one left at the first floor and Sarah, her housemate, was already deeply asleep.

Arajaya really really really felt hot and horny, and her pussy – cat was itchy. “Ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, scratch yourself, don’t disturbed me because I’m trying to find a way to get rid of my horniness.” She said.

Then the shaved pussy – cat went to elsewhere as the cat’s master continued thinking. “That fucking faggot! I thought he will own me, but I was wrong. We was after my make-ups! Damn!”

Arajaya felt very problematic but when she took a glance at the kitchen, she saw an eggplant and thought of a great idea. She went to the kitchen and gets the talong and went back to the living room. Then, she slotted the talong between her legs and felt beri relieved with her horniness. However, in the middle of her moaning, she felt someone climbing down the stairs. Yes, it was Sarah.

When Sarah saw Arajaya squatting at the living room, she approached her to intrigue her. At the living room, “Anong ginagawa mo d’yan sa tangkay ng talong?” asked Sarah. “Wala lang, masama ba?” Arajaya replied back in a high tone.

“Letche ka! Bumili ka ng baybreytor mo! Kaderder ka!” she ridiculed, “If ay know, naiwan lang yung katawan ng talong sa loob. Hoy, ako bumili n’yan at bulok na yan!”

Yes you read it right; the talong was left inside Arajaya’s pussy.

Arajaya ended-up crying pleading to Sarah how to get the talong off inside of her.

-the end-

A Tale of Wonder Woman

2007-10-07T19:08:00.001+08:00

Wansapanataym in the dark street of Manggahan, Arajaya was walking along the narrow trail of the community to her house. The lights were out and the only thing that enabled her to see was the light of the streetlamp at the very end of the road.

Arajaya searched for her phone, dialed a number but there’s no signal. She started to get anxious. Her heart started to beat faster. When she reached the middle of her track, about ten steps from the streetlamp, strange footsteps made her worry more.

Arajaya ran as fast as she could, but even before she could reach the end, a man strangled her toward a dark place. She can barely produce sounds for the man was holding tightly to her neck.

“He – he – lp!” she shouted but no one heard it.

“Shut up bitch! No one can help you here!”

“Please don’t kill me!”

“I won’t like you; I am just going to get something precious to you.”

Oh no! My virginity is in danger. Arajaya thought.

At the dark corner, the man pushed her down. She can’t shout in the fear that the man might put an end to her life, or in a worse sense, put and end to her life and newly shaved pussy – cat.

“You crazy little bitches. Always wanted to have sex with gorgeous men! How about people like me? I also deserved to fuck!” the man dramatically explained while initiating to strip off his clothes. “Now, I will punish you!”

“No, no! Please don’t kill me, or my shaved pussy – cat! Please!” Arajaya pleaded, “And don’t take my virginity – I mean, don’t rape me I’m no longer virgin! I am only giving myself to a man I like!”

“Shut up!”

The man then quickly removed his pants but left the underwear, and then he removed his shirt. But when Arajaya saw him without pants and shirt, her jaws dropped.

The man was in Wonder woman suit. The brief wasn’t his brief after all, it’s a part of his Wonder woman costume.

“I am Wonder woman and I will steal all of your make-up!”

-The End-

The Legend of ASWANG

2007-10-06T15:35:00.001+08:00

Wansapanataym in the life of Arajaya, she was invited to attend a fiesta in a far flung frobinse. She was with her mean best friend – Sarah, Dyesi, Dyosh, and Yangbang. Actually, Yangbang was the one who invited them to their town’s fiesta that is why, the whole group agreed on the date.

One night at the middle of the celebration, Yangbang asked the group to just take a nap first instead of watching the GAY MUSCLE BUILDER CONTEST exhibition/stunt segment, after all, they will still hear if it is already the coronation part.

When they arrived at Yangbang’s house, Sarah noticed that the “nuno sa punso” grew bigger than the last time she saw it. “Hey’ luks awar pren nuno sa punsoy. It is begger than last timing ay sew it!” Sarah told her other friend, “Watch four as ha!”

Then, everybody had taken their places at the elevated bamboo floor, however, before they sleep, Arajaya warned them to cover their face or any [mouth, nose, and ears] holes they have on their head explaining that according to the old rumors, once the saliva of the aswang touched your face, the virus will crawl to any hole and will invade your brain – after that, you wouldn’t know that you are already one of them. There was silence – afterwards another complete silence because everybody was already sleeping. But little do they know that they are sleeping over the nuno sa punso. In the middle of the night, Arajaya began hearing weird noises like “Grrrr, hrrrrr, wooooooooo, arfgh, aw-aw-aw, huhu-hu” followed by “Gising, gising” and the like. So she opened her eyes and looked around the place only to find out that Sarah was snoring.

So she went to sleep again. But then again, after five minutes, she heard the eager sounds of “Gising, gising” again then followed by “Grrrr, arrrrr, warrrrrrrrr….haha-haha” and breathing sound. Arajaya removed her head cover and saw the mommy of Yangbang looking sharply to them with her hair standing up and saliva flowing down, as if very hungry.

Sarah was disturbed by Arajaya’s shout, so she also opened her head cover and saw the scary mom. Then she said: “Oh nay, anong ginagawa nyo jan?”

“Ay wala sige matulog na kayo jan” said the mother, “sayang ulam na naging stone pa! SHET!”

-the end-

The Legend of Arajaya’s Underwear

2007-10-02T16:41:00.002+08:00

We’ve read the suffering of Arajaya in Sarah’s hands, but now, she has alreidy received what she deserve. Almond, the brother of Sarah, has fallen in love with our dear princess, causing Sarah’s outburst. But since Almond is deeply in love with Arajaya, she can’t do anything wrong against her rival.

Sarah has been itching to do something wrong to Ara but she just can’t in the fear that Almond might beat her with his uber jigantic super punching hands when she do so.

Arajaya was very happy for catching a big fish and a helping hand that will protect her from the sharp and oppressive hands of Sarah.

But one rainy day of Wednesday, Sarah found a way on how to get rid of Arajaya. She sneaked-in to her room and search for her undergarments to find a bacon-ized undies of Arajaya. She quickly tore the middle-part of the garment [that will expose her crack when she wears it].

Then, Sarah summoned the couple for a meeting and suggested that Arajaya tour Almond to her room. Our princess was trapped to Sarah’s decoy and has no choice but to tour him because he also insisted.

When they reached her room, Almond saw all her ripped-undies displayed at her bed. When he grabbed one bacon-ized ripped undie, he found a dead body of a rat inside it.

Yes, the rat died because of the smell, and Almond was turned-off because of his girlfriend’s smell.

Sarah once again succeeded Arajaya. She laughed and ridiculed Arajaya as she follows her brother.

“Arajaya, hue istingk! Teyk a bat naman! Huer so ewyyy!!!” said Sarah then left.

Arajaya can’t help but to cry. She wiped her tears with her underwear but forgot the bad smell, so she also fainted just like the rat.

-the end-

The Legend of Manga

2007-09-30T11:15:00.001+08:00

Well here we go again. If you are an avid reader of my legend, you will surely notice that I only have one protagonist here...and she is none other than, other beri beautiful gurl ARAJAYA. She is beri byutiful that everybody envy her. She's almost perfect - no - close to being goddess. But just like any other people in this wide and complication, she also has her flaws. Though she's byutiful, her chin is so pointed - just like ADOR MAWANAY.

Isn't she ADOR - able? Because of this, Sarah called her Mangga. Because the shape of her face resembles the Mango.

Now, in this new legend, let us followe her journey together with her rival, Sarah - the mean and bitcy rich gurl in school.

Wansapanataym, in the land of Pilot Drive next to MRB compound, there live a beri byutiful girl named Arajaya.

The monday morning after school, she was with her rival/friend-in-disguise, Sarah. They were walking down the street that time when Sarah saw a manga on stick vendor selling Manga lechoned on stick with [Alamang] Bagoong along side with Palamig and TUKNENENG.

Sarah treated everybody except for our poor baby - Arajaya. So she has to buy something for herself. Good thing, she has her savings.

So there, they bought Manga and happily ate it as they traverse the road back to school. But, when they were already at the middle of the road, Sarah slapped our princess - Arajaya - on the face with the bagoong.

"Sarah, bakit mo ako sinampal ng BAgoong?" shouted Arajay with sharp looks toward Sarah.

Sarah on the other hand did the same to her. Composed herself, crossed her arms, and said: "Eh diba MAngga ka!"

-The end-

The Origin of Inday

2007-09-25T19:14:00.001+08:00

Before I go on with the Inday discussion here, let me just tell you the life of our cat named ABCD.

Parang kailan lang, yakap-yakap ko pa sa ming-ming, but now, she's lying inside our washing machine taking good care of her newly born baby. Ming-ming is such a bia-yotch! She's such a flirt for giving birth that early. Hay!

Anyway, let's go back to the real purpose of this post... INDAY!

"Bloody hell what the f@#$ did just land on my cutie top...?I mean i've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous.I think i have to remove this eeeewwwyyy thingin a whip wham of time...."

-INDAY nagiinarte ng matalsikan ng mantika habang nagluluto ng TILAPIA

We have been all bugged by the Inday, the Wondermaid fever over the net and even in mobile society. We followed her journey since the time she left her province to work in Manila as a maid until her boss asked her not to speak English with them.

Now the question is: Who is Inday and how was she able to speak that well in English that even I can’t beat the line to level her wit? Where does she came from and what kind of family does she belong?

My assumption is; Inday, our Wondermaid, is a long lost daughter of the Herap Hestrada who happens to know everything about their wealth. During his court hearing, Inday told him that she was his long lost daughter, however, since Inday is a product of a Hestrada and a Mayordoma, the plunderer denied her as his child and was exiled to a far flung province where a man, who has fall in love with her, supported her and admitted her in a private school.

Inday call this man as Daddy short legs.

Now, when Inday reached college, she was the most outstanding student of their university that a lot of students hated her for being so “intelligenic”. One scorching Monday morning, a conspiracy was planned against Inday. Her jar was contaminated by one of her rivals with mercury. But unfortunately, the thirsty daddy short legs asked for a glass of water. Hence, instead of Inday doing “ngisay-ngisay” movements, it is her daddy who was poisoned with the mercuric water.

Because of the sudden death of his daddy-short-legs, she can no longer support herself to study at that university and was forced to work as a maid in Manila. Thereafter, she promised to herself that she will avenge the death of her daddy-short-legs by shouting in the middle of the rain: Hinnnndddiiiiii! Daddy-short-legs! Magbabayad sila sa ginawa nila! Matitikman nila ang lupit ng paghihiganti ng isang dukha!

Since then, she never spoke Tagalog.

The Legend of the Chocolate Bar

2007-09-25T12:26:00.001+08:00

Wansapanataym in a far away land of Welcome Rotonda, there live a beautiful gurl fond of Chocolate bars. Her name is Arajaya, a beautiful girl with a skin tone just like the color of the chocolates.

She is very fond of chocolates; she has a collection of different brands from different countree.

One sunny day, she decided to buy a dozen of chocolates bars (semi-sweet) at Chocolate Lovers. She was so delighted she almost ate half of what she bought.

When she was about to eat the seventh bar, she was surprise to see a dismembered finger fossilized within the chocolate bar.

The end

The Legend of the Chocolate Bar

2007-09-25T12:15:00.001+08:00

The Legend of PUK code

2007-09-24T12:03:00.001+08:00

Wansapanataym in far far away land on Pilot Drive, there live a mean gurl named Sarah. She’s like a princess that every girl wanted to be her friend. She’s rich, bitch, and “…”. She doesn’t live the simple life because she wanted it to be HOT.

One day, she came up with a plan to set up our beautiful girl, Arajaya. Sarah strutted her stuffs along the corridor and bragged her belongings like make-up, accessories, and her new phone. Arajaya on the other hand doesn’t want to make it obvious that she’s very jealous she almost let her saliva flow.

“Arajaya, ken you plis hold my beri byutipul selpown four me?” said Princess Sarah.

“Sure, it’ll be my pleasure your highness.” Arajaya cheerfully replied. But deep inside, she was very jealous.

“Okey Arajaya, ay wil jas go to duh res rum. I wil be bak leyter!”

Out of curiosity and jealousy, Arajaya make pakialam to Sarah’s phone as if she owns it. She made pindot-pindot here and there until Sarah came back.

“Ow Arajaya, ken I hub my selpown bak?”

Then Arajaya innocently asked: “Sarah, anong ibig sabihin ng PUK?”

The end.

The Legend of Kangkong

2007-09-23T12:28:00.002+08:00

Wansapanataym beside the riverbank of Pasig River, there live a gurl named Arajaya. She is petite, 4’ 9” in height, has short-hair leveling her shoulders, and has perfectly grown eyebrows, brown eyes and red lips.

Arajaya loves strolling along the riverbank. She’s been doing this every afternoon, one hour after 12 ‘o clock. She loves the Pasig River more than she can love her never mind.

One day when she was walking toward the Pasig Bridge, she saw a platoon of Kangkong plants floating near the riverbank. She was amazed to what she saw because Kangkong is her favorite veggie.

The girl went through the water to pick some of her favorite food. I might adobo this. Yum, yum my favorite! She told herself.

When Arajaya had enough of the Kangkong, she decided to go home to prepare the kitchen, but when she was about to emerge from the water, her peripheral view was distracted by an ewwwyyy thing floating in the middle of the Kangkong plants. She headed to that floating thing; she was stunned to see a dead body.

Yup, the floating thing is a cadaver that nourished the Kangkong plants.

The End

The Legend of Ginger

2007-09-23T10:16:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time in beautiful land of Alamanja, there live a beriberi beautiful girl named Arajaya. She is a beri beautiful girl with a long black hair, blue eyes with long lushes, pointed nose, and red wine lips. She is beri beautiful except that her feet are just like ginger.

Because of this, Arajaya never goes out a lot in the fear that people will laugh at her.

But one day, she decided to take a little walk. She covered her feet with super-thick socks and used a vase as an alternative for shoes.

Outside, people laughed at her, she almost cried but when she reached downtown, she found a store with nothing on it. Out of curiosity, she entered the store and strolled around – but found nothing. So she decided to go outside, but when she was about to do so, an old woman’s voice caught her attention.

“Psst!” the woman called her, “I know how to solve your problems!”

“How, how can you solve my problem?” Arajaya said, pleading.

“Take this…” the old woman instructed, “that box contains the solution.”

Arajaya took the box although not sure about her intuition toward the woman. She shook it but heard nothing. But, there’s nothing inside of it. So she decided to ask the old woman but she disappeared.

Arajaya freaked out and ran to her house. When she opened the box, she was stunned to what she saw. It was a big big big snake. The snake ate Arajaya and her ginger feet. Arajaya will never have to suffer from her feet. She will never be deserted again. Never, ever again.

The end