Any commitment–from going to school to having children to training for a 5K to marriage–will have its rough patches. They’re a normal, natural part of the cycles of discovery, growth, learning and realignment.

Creating and running a business is no different.

Giving birth to a business, nurturing it, maintaining it throughout its lifecycle, is just as much a commitment as any of the prior examples. Yet somehow we expect it to be inherently, magically different.

We approach our business believing that if we just choose the right business model, if we make sure the business grows out of our deepest passion, if we build it based on our creativity and innate gifts, somehow we’ll transcend the rough patches. It will be a stroll in the park, a frolic through the meadow, all the time.

It’s really not.

And thank goodness that it’s not–if it really were as permanently easy and perpetually stressless as some sales pitches make it seem, there would be no learning. No growth. No new discoveries. No a-ha! moments. No deepening of our appreciation for the times when it is an easy, peaceful, frolic through the meadow.

The rough patches we encounter as we journey along our commitments are necessary, and they are gifts.

They usually don’t feel like gifts in the moment that they’re requiring very late nights followed by very early mornings, or at the moment you realize they involve technical challenges that push you to the limits of your knowledge or resources, or as they’re invoking your deepest insecurities right up against your deepest passions and callings.

But those are places where we grow.

This is when we discover, when we make new choices–or recommit to the choices we’ve made before. It’s when we realign our business so that it can continue developing while still supporting our priorities and values.

There is no such thing as a business that exists independent of rough patches, challenges, or frustrations.

There is no such thing as a business model that removes 100% of late nights and stress.

If you find yourself in a rough patch, it is not because you chose the wrong passion to pursue, or because you’re “doing it wrong.” It’s because you’re human, and very likely because you’re on the right path.

If you experience nothing but rough patches, on the other hand, that’s a sign that something needs adjustment. Perhaps your business model, perhaps your attitude about your business model, perhaps your team, perhaps your product or service… suffice to say that if your business journey is truly nothing but difficult, it’s time to reevaluate the journey.

But if you sometimes experience rough patches, if you sometimes work through long nights and early mornings, if you sometimes find yourself pushing your limits–congratulations, you’re in business, you’re human, and it’s a sign that you’re growing (in knowledge, in profits, in team size, in dream size, etc.).

Don’t abandon your pursuit when you hit the rough patches.

Don’t fall into the belief that building your passions is synonymous with a state of enlightened blissfulness uninterrupted by concerns, challenges, or stress. And don’t wallow in the difficulty either. Greet it with curiosity, a willingness to learn, adapt and evolve, and the knowledge that this too is can-do-able.

Because it is.

And when you come through the other side of this challenge, you’ll know more and you’ll know better. That’s necessary for a successful business. It prepares you for the next challenge… and it makes the next frolic in the meadow that much sweeter.

During my two week Australian adventure, I had the pleasure of hanging out with a delightful and wise little girl named Ostara. Her mama is the luminous Leonie Dawson, so you can see where she gets her light and wisdom. (Her papa Chris is a sage, kind man with a twinkle in his eye–and you can definitely see that in her as well.)

Today is Starry’s second birthday (well, it’s March 24th, but it’s already that date in Proserpine where she lives), and in celebration of her big day, here is my list of Top Ten Lessons I Learned from her.

1. Most stories deserve to be peppered with giggles… regardless of whether you know why you’re laughing.

2. The key to proper dance form: high elbows and a smile.

3. Birds are pretty incredible, and worth pausing what you’re doing to marvel at them once in a while.

4. Dogs need not actually be outside to have a fun-filled “walk” on the leash.

5. If you don’t want to do something, don’t beat around the bush–just say, “No way.” (Bonus points for a dismissive wave of the hand accompanying the declaration.)

6. There is never a wrong time to wear your most colorful, sparkliest fairy dress.

7. Always remember to say “Sheesh.” (Or “Thank you,” if you prefer. But Sheesh is cuter.)

8. Wear what makes you happy and comfortable, even if that means mismatched crocs on the wrong feet.

9. Always greet the people most important to you with (oodles of) unbridled enthusiasm.

10. Knuckle bumps are a fantastic alternative to saying goodbye.

Wishing Starry a very happy second birthday… and wishing all of you a wonder-filled day!

When someone says (some variation of), “She’s so young, what does she know about life? It’s easy to think you’re wise when you’re so young and naive.”

I like to think, “How fortunate for me that I met her & was reminded of all the wisdom I forgot when the world taught me that growing up meant growing cynical.”

::

I don’t think youth is wasted on the young. I think the power and opportunities of adulthood are too often wasted on those who believe the energy and magic of youth is wasted on the young.

One morning I awoke to find in my inbox an email from the effervescent Leonie Dawson, which said, “I would like to submit a guest post to your blog.” And so I read what she’d sent, and I glowed (because it says a whole lotta nice stuff about me) and I laughed (because Leonie writes just like she talks and talks just like she writes, and she has a way of phrasing things that cracks me up… you’ll see when you read it).

And I said YES to publishing it because Leonie describes in her very Leonie way the struggle I see so many people going through when it comes to “doing it all,” and the worries they have about hiring someone. (And the whole lotta nice stuff about me is a total bonus.)

Please to enjoy.

Hi.

My name’s Leonie.

Marissa works for me.

And I’m here to tell you why you need to hire her.

(In the interest of full disclosure, she didn’t pay me in liquorice or any other confectionary to write this. She actually doesn’t know I’m writing this. I’m staying up way too late beyond my bedtime because I really, really want to surprise her with this and tell her I want to do a guest post on her blog. And I’m hoping it’s really helpful to you, dear reader, because you’ve probably been where I was.)

Enter, Story:

1. Once upon a time, I used to be very afraid of hiring a VA.

I didn’t know how much it would cost.

I didn’t know how many hours I would need her.

I didn’t know if she could or would want to do the tasks I needed her to do.

And I was kind of in awe of Marissa.

So I never really asked the questions.

I just kept on fighting the Do It All Myself fight.

I answered a zillion emails, and tinkered with my plugins, and had customer service freak outs, and wrote a trillion blog posts, and launched a buttload of products, and wrote newsletter after newsletter, and kept crying over my inbox.

And then I got burned out.

And I recovered.

And then I got burned out.

2. After the second burn out, I sent Marissa an email.

“I don’t know if you could even possibly help me, and these are probably very very stupid questions, and I’m really sorry for not knowing the answer… but do you? Could you? OH GOD I NEED HELP.”

[Marissa's note: This is a really common worry. Your questions that you're afraid to ask your potential VA or team member aren't stupid questions, by virtue of the fact that they're your questions. Good rule of thumb: If the person you want to work with thinks your questions are stupid, they're not your right person.]

3. She explained everything.

Simply and kindly. And surprisingly? It was all totally doable. Beyond doable. SO easy to hire her.

4. So she took over my inbox.

And she started helping me take care of myself. And she started taking care of all the business paraphernalia that had roped me in for hours – freeing me up physically and emotionally to start creating. To grow my business with intention. To sail the boat of my business in the direction of where I wanted to head.

5. In short, it was the best thing I have ever done.

6. She has been my Inbox Fairy, my Community Manager, my Right Hand Girl, my Go-To Goddess ever since.

7. Except an ill fated (and frankly insane) episode just after my first born daughter was born when I decided I really needed to do everything myself again and nothing says new motherishness than tending to my own inbox and that A New Challenge Should Be Fun!

8. It wasn’t. But thankfully, I remembered in that haze before Something Fell Out My Vagina that there was this goddess named Marissa. Who was very, very good at helping. And she accepted me back. THANK GAWD.

9. People Who Have Things Fall Out Of Their Vagina often do kinda nutty things. Just giving you all this heads up. Just incases.

10. Everything is pretty damn awesome now.

I have a ridunkulously cute daughter and a hot husband and a sweet little life in tropical paradise. I have the business of my dreams. I get to create and make miracles and help women create amazing businesses + amazing lives.

11. People always ask me how I manage to get stuff done.

12. Recently, this has meant writing a book as an extra fun “side project” on top of a ridunkulously busy business. And looking after that sweet daughter of mine. And perving on my hot husband (which really is a valid occupation all in itself.)

13. I can tell you, without a sizzle of a doubt, that the #1 reason I can do all I do and grow my business and create miracles… is Marissa.

She’s the bomb.

If people wrote love songs to their Virtual Assistants, they would all be about Marissa.

She stops me from going batty. She helps me set up the systems I need. (Scratch that – she doesn’t help me. She just DOES them. I’m not a systems girl. And that’s totally cool, because she IS.)

[Marissa's note: YES. You do not have to be masterful at everything you ask someone else to do. That's why you're hiring someone. Let them be masterful at All That Other Stuff while you go write books, teach courses, harvest honeycomb, or whatever it is you do that is your great work. Amen.]

And most of all, she takes care of my flooding inbox that used to make me cry on a weekly basis.

And instead,
I’m off galavanting around the country,
recording podcasts atop trees,
asking “But what if I dreamed even BIGGER?”
and making all the stuff happen
that I wanted to do.

She’s a pivotal reason for my business growth and my success in project completion.

And she’s a HUGE component in my mental health plan and my “Make Everyday Freaking Deliriously Happy” plan.

In short: Best Thing Ever.

Dear Fellow Entrepreneur,
If the Do It All Myself fight in your business is making you cry, please please please do something about it.

There’s a better way to live, and do business, and laugh, and grow giddy with joy at it all.

Love,
Reformed Ex-Do-It-All-Addict

P.S. Marissa’s the answer.

P.P.S. Maybe she’s not. Maybe you’ve got your own answer. That’s great.

P.P.P.S. But really. Marissa.

P.P.P.P.S. If you go hire another VA and they suck and you tell me so, I will say “WHO IS THE ONE THEY WRITE ROMANTIC VA LOVE SONGS TO?”

P.P.P.P.P.S. High five!!!!

“You should always end your blog posts with a question,” he reminded me. “Otherwise people won’t know you want them to leave a comment.”

“Isn’t it possible,” I replied, “that people would know it’s okay to respond or share or speak up, regardless of the punctuation mark at the end of my sentence?”

“Blog readers are different.” he said.

“So blog readers go around all day not responding in conversations unless they’re asked a direct question?” I pressed. “Some of them must know that conversation happens even without direct questions.”

“I think you’re being stubborn. And naive.”

“Entirely possible,” I sighed. “Entirely possible.”

::

“But look at [Person1], [Person2] and [Person3]‘s sites,” I protested. “They write all about stuff beyond their ‘core topics.’ They write about their life and what they wonder about, not just about their ‘business topics.’”

“They also have much larger audiences than you,” he responded (accurately). “When you get to [big number] of readers per month, you can broaden your topics too. Until then, you need to focus on traffic, and to do that, you need have all of your articles very focused and on-topic.”

“What if I declared my topic to be whatever is present and real for me as a solo-preneur who works with other solo- and micro-preneurs? Then nothing would be ‘off-topic.’”

I could hear his eyes roll in his why-won’t-you-just-see-that-I’m-right exhale. “People don’t read websites like that anymore. Now people want business lessons and bullet points. They want Seth Godin. They want Problogger.”

“So how about if I plan on the people who want Seth Godin reading Seth Godin, and the people who want Problogger reading Problogger, and the people who want something different reading me? And people could very well want all three, right?”

“I think you believe you can have a successful website and business without following the formulas all of us know are effective,” he said, frustrated. “Do you really believe that’s possible?”

I paused.

“Entirely possible,” I admitted. “Entirely possible.”

Image by Niklas Morberg | CC License

I don’t worry about the people who ask a lot of questions. Or about the ones who say, “I’m still learning.”

Questions are the proof of life in your business. They indicate that you’re growing, adapting, listening, having new awakenings.

Questions are energy.

Questions are doorways to dynamic + vibrant.

Still Learning is perpetual. Still Learning means you’re still engaged, curious, interested, and open. You don’t ever have to apologize for Still Learning. That’s the perfect place to be.

The people I worry about are the ones who become afraid of questions, who actively distance themselves from Still Learning. The ones who take as a personal affront the possibility of Not Knowing. Those are the ones whose wells risk running dry.

Questions and Still Learning have always been the vehicles for what’s new, what’s next, and what was once thought impossible.

Not one single advance in science, humanities or spirit was ever made by someone kicking their feet up and saying, “Finally! I know it all. I have nothing but answers.”

Mastery isn’t knowing all the answers. Mastery is finding balance between confidently moving forward with what you know and embracing all of the Not Knowing. Mastery is sharing your gifts and your questions.

Mastery cultivates both Knowing and Still Learning.

Questions make space for exploration. For play. For discovery.

Questions are your brain’s permission slips to see what might be possible.

Questions are often your creative muse passing you notes you’d otherwise overlook.

Still Learning builds bridges between what works today and what will work tomorrow.

Still Learning plays leapfrog with the resources you’ve got so it can reach the ones you haven’t found yet.

Still Learning leaves the light on for the muse to find her way back to you.

No, I don’t worry about the questioners, the curious, the learners.

We the perpetual wonderers, the fascinated explorers, the students of Still Learning…

We’re the ones making the New. Creating the Next. Bringing forth what we didn’t even know was possible.

Curiosity births brilliance.

One question at a time.

A client recently asked me, “How do I remove or edit products in my Amazon affiliate store (aStore)?” And I realized that a quick post on the topic might be helpful, because editing and removing products in your Amazon aStore is really easy once you know where to look. But figuring out where to look is a little tricky, as Amazon’s done a fine job making it quite unintuitive.

How to edit and/or remove products from your Amazon aStore

1. Log in to your Amazon affiliate account at https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/

2. Make sure you choose the correct tracking ID, if you have more than one, in the “Signed in as” dropdown menu, which is in the lefthand column after login.

3. Click on the aStore tab.

4. You’ll be on the Manage your aStores page. Click the Edit button beside the name of the store.

5. In the “Drag and Drop” window that shows up, click on the name of the category where your product (the one you want to edit or remove) is located.

6. You’ll see a grey box that says “Edit Category Page,” and in that box, there’s a yellow button that says “Add Products.” Click that.

7. As the button suggested, this is the page where you can add new products to the store. But (surprise!) this is also where you can remove and edit previously added products. There’s a grey box titled “Added Products,” with thumbnail images of your store’s products. Click on the image of the product you want to remove.

8. A popup window titled “Edit Product Settings” appears. In the lower right is a button that says “Remove.” Click that. Voila — your product will be removed from your store.

9. Note: In that same popup window is where you can add or edit the product description, if you want to do that. You just add or edit the description and then click the “Save button” in the lower left of the “Edit Product Settings” popup window.

10. Note #2: After you make those changes, they will be reflected in your store widget without you having to do anything additional.

If you don’t yet have an Amazon aStore

If you haven’t set up an Amazon affiliate store, here’s a video that will walk you through the creating the store, adding products, and setting up a store page on your WordPress website.

As is the case with many techy things, the first time you do this it might take a bit of trial & error to get the hang of it and to get it looking the way you like, but each time after that will be a little faster and easier.

If you’re trying to establish or maintain a habit, here’s a quick rule of thumb: Do not do for three days what you don’t want to do forever.

(Or, if you prefer, do not skip for three days straight what you want to do forever.)

For example, if your goal is to write daily, do not skip your writing for three days in a row. Or if you’re trying to establish a habit of logging off the computer by 6pm each day, don’t let yourself stay on the computer past that time for three days consecutively.

The magic of the three day rule

We can handle taking a day or two off of something. Perhaps it’s the long-ingrained two-day weekend that keeps us familiar with taking a two day break from our routines (in theory, if not always in practice!).

But once we extend it to three days, it’s no longer a break. It’s a pattern. And once it’s a pattern, it’s just a hop, skip and jump to habit.

Notice how different it feels when you return to work after a two-day weekend versus returning after a three-day weekend. It’s a difference of only one day, and yet it seems to take significantly more effort to get “back into the swing of things” after the three-day break than after the two-day break.

Or if you exercise regularly, think of how your body responds when you jump into your usual workout after a one or two day rest period compared to a three day rest period. One or two days? No problem. Three days? Suddenly you’re feeling a little rusty.

So goes the power of the three day rule: If you don’t want it as a habit, don’t do it for three days straight. And if you do want it as a habit, don’t skip it for three days straight.

There are exceptions… just make sure they don’t usurp the rule!

Does this mean you should never take more than three days off work? Or give yourself a rest from working out if you’re injured? Of course not. Taking holidays is a good thing. And everyone will face disruptions from time to time that throw a wrench into their usual routines. So it goes & c’est la vie!

But what’s not a good thing is turning that holiday from your habit of choice into your new routine.

If you find yourself skipping your habit of choice for more than three days in a row over and over again, you might want to do a gut check on whether you truly want that habit. If your answer is yes, then it might be time to be a little stricter with yourself on what’s a “holiday” and what’s an “excuse.” (We can trick ourselves into confusing them so easily!)

Just don’t stop.

Even if you do break the three day rule, you don’t have to throw in the towel. It’s not that you can’t continue your intended habit after three (or more) days off… it’s just that with each passing day, it takes that much more “oomph” to get back into it.

But I’m always a fan of keeping things in perspective: If you missed three days of writing (or you stayed on the computer longer than planned for three days in a row), you’ve only put a dent in your habit. You haven’t destroyed it. So no self-flagellation over breaking the three day rule, okay?

Kicking yourself ’round the bend over missing three straight days of your habit will only use up energy, attention and time that you could be putting toward re-establishing the pattern. If you skip three days, then go to the next rule of thumb: Getting back into your habit today is better than putting it off ’til tomorrow.

Remember the Three Day Rule of Effective Habits

One day is a breather.

Two days is a break.

Three days is a new pattern.

If you don’t want to establish the behavior as a pattern, don’t do it for three days straight. And if you DO want to establish or keep a behavior, do not skip it for three days straight.

★ What are your tricks for keeping your habits on track? Have you noticed any difference in habits when you take three or more days away than when you take just one or two days off?

Image Credit: Leo Reynolds | CC License

You’ve worked hard at setting specific, measurable, realistic goals… but you still aren’t taking any action on them.

So you go out and purchase an ebook or enroll in an e-course that offers information, inspiration, and/or community support around your goals. And you still aren’t taking any action.

So you decide that maybe what you need is one-on-one support, and you spend top dollar on a coach. And still… you take no action.

Now you’re several weeks (or months) further down the road, several hundreds (or thousands) of dollars shorter in cash, and you’re not actually any closer to those fantastic goals you set. What gives?

The one question that determines whether you’ll take action

If you’re not taking action on a goal — especially if you’re not taking action despite having enough information and resources and support — the secret reason for your lack of action is probably this: You don’t really want it.

There’s one question that, when answered clearly and directly, very accurately predicts whether or not you’ll take action toward your goal or vision, and getting really honest with yourself about this question at the outset will save you loads of both time and money.

Here it is: Do you truly want this?

To answer this as honestly and clearly as possible, let’s clear out some misconceptions about the things we say we want.

First, you cannot truly want something by proxy.

“I want this” means that you want this, not that others want you to want it. Even if the rest of the world tells you you should want a particular goal, if you don’t want it, you’re not going to take action on it. You can’t truly want something because other people think you should.

Clarifying Questions

If you think you might be dealing with a goal that you “want” by proxy, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you think you should want this?
• Are you concerned that others will think of you differently if you didn’t want this?
• Do you believe that other people approve of you wanting this?
• Does one of your role models / friends / experts advise wanting this?
• Does one of your role models / friends / experts want this themselves?
• Was this goal given or assigned to you by someone else?

If you answered “yes” to any of these about a goal on which you’re having trouble taking action, it’s likely that you’re dealing with a “want by proxy.”

Second, you cannot truly want something only because you don’t know what else to want instead.

“I want this” means you want that specific goal, not that you’re unsure what else to aim for. Wanting something because you don’t know what else to set as a target is not effective goal setting; it’s lack of clarity. Deciding that you have to do Goal X because you simply cannot imagine what you’d do if Goal X was out of the picture doesn’t mean Goal X is actually the right goal for you. It means you’ve got some mining of your own visions and possibilities to do. Do that mining, and then reassess your direction.

Clarifying Questions

If you suspect you’re dealing with a goal you’ve selected because you didn’t know what else to aim for, ask yourself:

• Does the thought of removing this goal make me feel lost?
• Is my primary motivation for wanting this goal fear or confusion?
• Do I lack resonant reasons for wanting this goal?
• Did I select this goal during a time when I was feeling panicky or anxious?
• Would removing this goal require me to do some soul-searching or reassessments that I’ve been avoiding?

“Yes” responses to these questions about a goal on which you haven’t been taking any action usually indicate a goal you “want” only because you’re unclear what you genuinely want.

Third, you cannot truly want something by inertia.

“I want this” means you want it now, not that you used to want it. Having previously wanted something does not obligate you to want that thing forevermore. This isn’t the same thing as perpetually flitting among possibilities, which also results in an overall lack of action. This is getting real when a long-held goal no longer fits your big visions, no longer feels resonant, and needs to be set aside in favor of goals that better serve those big visions. Set it aside. Once it stops being resonant, it’s dead weight.

Clarifying Questions

If you wonder whether a current goal is there only by inertia and not because you presently want it, ask yourself:

• If I woke up tomorrow with amnesia and had to set my goals only by a gut feeling of what was resonant and what wasn’t… would this goal be off the radar?
• Are the information, situation, and destination different now than they were when I set this goal?
• Has my big vision evolved since I made this goal?
• When I get really excited about where I’d like to go, do I tend to forget about this goal?
• Are the reasons I articulate for having this goal mostly phrased in the past tense (or no longer applicable)?

Noticing a lot of “yes” answers here about a goal that hasn’t been acted on usually means you’re dealing with a goal that exists because of inertia, and not because it’s currently resonant with you or where you want to be.

What to do with goals you don’t really want

So do you really want this goal? Not by proxy, not because you just don’t know what else to aim for in its absence, and not just because you used to want it — do you truly want this goal?

If not, you might find that a different version of the goal or a specific piece of it fits for you. Ask yourself what about that goal resonates with you, if anything. Check in with how different versions or elements of this stated want make you feel. Tense? Excited? Pressured? Re-invigorated?

Or you might find that scrapping the goal entirely is the right choice. Once you give yourself permission to remove it completely, notice how that feels. Does it create openness? Does it make space for other possibilities? Does it suddenly make the path to action on something else seem viable?

The bottom line is that a sustained lack of action toward a goal (or even a set of goals) usually means we didn’t really want that goal or set of goals. So why keep throwing time and money at goals we don’t truly want? Get clear, select goals that feel resonant and that you do truly want, and put your effort, time and attention on those. Suddenly, with those not-really-wanted goals out of the way, you may find yourself taking action easily. Fluidly. Maybe even happily and passionately.

Amazing what a little “want” can do, isn’t it?

★ What goals could you be putting action toward if you let go of the ones you don’t truly want? How would your day look or feel different if you got really honest about what you truly want? Are you willing to try and see?

Image Credit: cobrasoft via SXC

If something is important enough to make you feel harried, stressed, anxious, distracted, unsettled (etc. etc.), shouldn’t it also be important enough for you to make time and space to properly act on it?

The logical answer is yes, but part of what keeps us caught in the cycle of busy-ness is that we usually behave as if the answer is no.

We create an Importance Imbalance when what is important enough to get a significant portion of our attention and mental energy is not what is important enough to get our time and action. As a result, we carry those items with us, mentally and emotionally, but never process them. We never get rid of them. They just keep building up and making us feel scattered, and we start believing we don’t have enough time to take care of everything.

Put your action where your attention is

The best way to deal with this is to bring balance back to Importance. Decide that that which gets your attention is what will also get your action. By dedicating your attention and the feeling of busy-ness to these tasks or projects, you’re already expending a certain amount of energy on them. The problem is that kind of energy doesn’t move those tasks or projects any closer to completion. You have to put some action toward them as well.

One trick we play on ourselves is to put action into one task while keeping our attention on another task entirely. You do yourself no service by trying to force yourself to act on one task while remaining mentally and emotionally attached to another.

Instead of allowing yourself to separate your attention and your action in that manner, give yourself permission to put action where your attention (and energy) is already flowing. When your action meets your attention in a focus and purposeful way, you often wind up cranking through things in an effective and relatively anxiety-free manner. That, in turn, reduces your stress level, reduces your feeling of busy-ness, and (bonus!) actually gets things done.

“I was so busy, but I got nothing done.”

When we put our attention on one thing but our actions on another, we end up more anxious over the thing that didn’t get done (but got all of our attention) and we end up ignoring the things we did accomplish (because we weren’t really putting any attention on them).

Have you ever said, “I was so busy today, but I feel like I got nothing done”? What that statement usually means is, “I put action toward a lot of stuff today, but that stuff wasn’t where my attention was, so I’m left still spending mental energy on all this stuff I didn’t even touch.”

It’s not that you actually got “nothing” done; it’s that you didn’t get done any of the things that were consuming your attention. You end up tricking yourself into denying all of the things toward which you did put your action and time, and it reinforces the feeling of being perpetually busy.

If you relate to this, don’t get down on yourself. This is one of the most common “busy tricks” we pull on ourselves, and we all do it from time to time.

How to get clear on where your attention’s going

Most of us have gotten so good at splitting our attention and our action that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. It is part of what keeps us stuck in a cycle of chronic busy-ness.

The key to breaking this pattern is getting clear on what it is that’s getting our attention. Once we do that, we can more effectively prioritize our actions accordingly.

Step 1: Notice what’s getting your attention

Take out a piece of paper and list the things that are weighing on your mind. Don’t filter them based on what you think “should” be getting your attention or “should” be important–just let yourself pour out whatever’s there.

Do this for at least a couple of minutes, or until you feel a sense of relief. Often just acknowledging the things that are weighing on your mind by writing them down will release some of the tension around them and leave you feeling a little lighter.

Step 2: Notice what needs your attention

Go over the list you made, and draw a little star next to those items that are urgent or time-sensitive. Those are items that most likely need your attention and that you’ll probably want to put toward the top of your action list for three reasons:

First, urgent items tend to absorb a lot of our mental energy because we know they’re urgent and we feel pressure because of that.

Second, if we don’t tend to urgent items, there is usually some negative consequence that will only add to our stress and anxiety level.

Third, getting urgent items to a point of completion often gives us a noticeable feeling of relief and accomplishment, which makes it easier to move on to the next thing on our list (momentum!).

Step 3: Notice what wants your attention

Draw a circle around the items that sort of jump out at you. They may be items that you really want to do. They may be projects that, for whatever reason, just feel particularly resonant for you right now. Don’t worry too much about the “why” behind this. Just let yourself notice which thing or things on your list really speaks to you.

These are the things that want your attention. (They may or may not overlap with the items you marked in Step 2. Don’t judge yourself either way–what wants your attention is sometimes what needs it, and is sometimes totally independent.)

These items are the ones to which your attention and energy is naturally drawn. They are also the things that we usually push down on our list when we can’t find a “practical” reason to give them priority (they’re not time-sensitive, they’re not urgent, they’re not the things we think we “should” be focusing on, etc.). As a result, these items are the ones that often end up lingering, convincing us there’s never enough time, and tricking us into believing that we never get “enough” done, all because we don’t allow ourselves action on the stuff that calls out to us.

Noticing where your energy naturally wants to go is a fantastic way of prioritizing your actions. When you can act on the things that “call out” to you, that’s when you’ll often find yourself “in the zone” or “in the flow.” And (bonus tip!) being in the flow is like throwing water on the fire of busy-ness. It quickly defuses it.

Step 4: Action time

Start by putting action toward the items you marked as priorities. Notice that your priorities might be things from Step 2 or Step 3: things that want your attention are priorities just like things that need your attention. Whether you begin acting on the items that are time-sensitive or the items that call out to you is up to you — it will depend on how time-sensitive and how strong the call is. There isn’t a “right” answer to which ones get your action + attention first.

The only rule to follow in Step 4 is this: Whatever you act on must also be what gets your attention, and whatever gets your attention must be what you act on. Don’t allow yourself to split action and attention. If you notice the split happening, pause and take a few breaths. Let yourself come back into the present moment and either re-commit to what you’re working on or allow yourself to move onto something else.

Remember to observe

As you experiment with this process, observe how it works for you. Notice how your stress levels or feelings of busy-ness change. Notice what triggers really split your attention and action. Practice noticing these things without judging yourself. (Simply said, not always easily done.)

★ What’s your trick or process for making sure your attention aligns with your action? What do you do when you notice that’s not happening?

Image Credit: Colin Harris | CC License