marital bless

The Pond

2017-03-12T23:11:00.001-05:00

When we first looked at our house, 3 years ago, I fell in love with the immense amount of sunlight that flooded through the main living space. It was Tony who was drawn to the back of the room to actually look at what was beyond the windows bathing us in natural light.

And with barely contained glee, he said, "It's a pond!"

My heart sunk just a little, as I weighed the impact. A pond. What a gigantic drowning risk to take on, just on the other side of our fence.

My husband on the other hand jumped to one thought and one thought only, hockey.

Each winter since we moved in has brought more and more enjoyment, which is easy considering two winters ago Miri wouldn't even let you put her down in snow without melting down.

I love that our children will have fond childhood memories of the luxury of skating in their backyard, bringing the neighbors together and enjoying the slice of a blade through not quite perfect ice.

Is this thing on?

2015-12-03T22:06:00.001-06:00

For awhile, I felt like my last post was so aptly titled that it would be the perfect post to walk away from . . . but, I don't think I'll ever be able to completely walk away. This blog is incomplete now. It is no longer a great reflection of our lives, capturing little moments, but it still has value.

Today Amy asked if it's my photographer's mind that remembers photos that I use for comparisons. I answered that I didn't know why, but after thinking about it today, I believe through blogging I've remembered photos more over the years because I wrote the story of the photos.

In October we went to the apple orchard and I had no intention of getting Isaac to recreate a photo I took when he was 18 months old, but all of the sudden, he was doing the exact same mannerism. Pulling the photos next to each other makes my heart skip a beat. Five years.

It's Over

2015-04-24T23:23:00.001-05:00

I can distinctly remember squirming as my wonderful labor and delivery nurse eyed Isaac's latch, before pausing for a second and moving him to get him properly attached. I was so uncomfortable then with her gaze and that she touched me while I was exposed.

Little did I know how big of a role nursing would have in my life, or how much I would talk about it, with strangers, friends and family.

It's a wonder to me now, for something that I thought was quite peculiar, would eventually drive me to purchase drugs from Canada in an effort to continue!

All that to say, that in the last almost 6 years of motherhood, I've spent 46 months breastfeeding, and now, I'm done.

One of my most beloved acts of mothering is completed.

I had so hoped that I could nurse Naomi longer than Miri even, since I was home and wouldn't need to be pumping, but when I started to struggle with supply at only two or three months, I knew that the odds were not in my favor. I started using domperidone when Nomi was around 4 months old and when I maxed it out, I was able to keep up with her demand. And then she hit a growth spurt and there was no keeping up. I set a goal to reach 6 months and barely limped through to it, but I did.

I will always treasure my memories of milk drunk babies, sweet milky breath and warm bodies snuggled at my chest. I'm forever sad that I will not be able to keep nursing Naomi, as I didn't have near enough time kissing her hand as she explored my face.

I thank God for the experience and for the accessibility of formula.

Self Aware

2015-03-26T14:16:00.001-05:00

I wasn't happy to find myself pregnant at the beginning of 2014. I doubt that's shocking to those who've read between the lines or had a conversation with me last year.

Sure, we'd made comments about the possibility of a 4th child someday, but it was quite different to all of the sudden be pregnant, again. The year of 2014 was supposed to be a big year for me, personally. I had goals and dreams, things I wanted to prove to myself. And another baby, another year of being a vessel, once again laying down myself for the development of life, they were completely contradictory to what I envisioned.

And yet, 2014 did end up being a HUGE year for me. I learned more about myself through the course of those 365 days, directly due to expecting our bonus baby. Not all of what I learned was positive, actually most of what I learned about myself wasn't, but there's something to be said for examining the darkest parts of yourself. I would honestly describe it as standing at the edge of an abyss, toeing the line, and mustering the courage to walk away. Of course, this is dramatizing very mundane aspects of days, weeks, months. It wasn't all dark, dreary and oppressive, but in the small moments to myself, I was overwhelmed in it.

It wasn't about Naomi. I'm so happy to say that I loved and embraced her whole heartedly from the moment I first laid eyes on her, something that in the early weeks of my pregnancy, I felt incapable of doing. I was scared, so scared of fulfilling all of my obligations to my family and clients, and unfortunately throughout the fall, most of the things that I was most afraid of started to occur. I felt completely alone and like I was failing, everything and everyone.

I had to go grocery shopping with three kids the day after we got home from the hospital, because I hadn't stocked my fridge in preparation for my baby to come 2 1/2 weeks early. I shot my first session at two weeks post partum, because it was a milestone session to be rescheduled as soon as possible following the early birth. Life just didn't stop, for even the blink of an eye to take in the new life that we'd welcomed. It just kept going at a crazy pace.

Something finally clicked around Christmas. By that time I had drank and eaten my way back to the weight I was pregnant with Naomi and then some. I'd never weighed that much, ever. Pregnant or not. It was finally the kick in the pants I needed. I wasn't happy with who I was. I felt weighed down by my life, like I physically couldn't breath because of those I loved the most.

I'm sure this will somehow be misconstrued, but my hope is that it can help someone. If there's one reader who can be nudged into the right direction or the arms of someone who cares, it will have been worth it.

Because I'm not there anymore. I was able to stare down the monster within myself. And I won. Everyday I'm striving to be a better version of me, to figure out who that even looks like as a mom of 4. And as opposed to last fall, I am certain that I will successfully regain my identity, which includes being a mother, but leaves room for more.

A Decade

2015-01-14T10:01:00.003-06:00

Now that we have four kids, Tony and I really struggle to prioritize our marriage. Isaac has been very needy lately, and I think it's primarily due to the length of time he's away from the family at school. Ezra and Miri are just in the thick of gaining independence and responsibility, meaning unless supervised they are making huge messes. And Naomi, well, she obviously needs the most amount of care.

I told Tony last week that he gets the worst of me. There's no doubt about it. After caring for the kids, trying to continue to keep my business up, and trying to give myself a little bit of fringe time for myself, there's not much of me left to go around. Amazingly, he said that if the worst of me is all he gets, that he'd still be a happy man. I don't know how God shaped him into the person he is today, but I'm forever grateful. This is how we're still happily married.

And ten years ago, it started in the middle of a mall, with a dorky guy wearing glasses, a button up I didn't like and a hockey jacket, when he met a girl who'd finally moved past her high school boyfriend, literally an hour before. My heart was racing and I was almost late, but I had to take a second to stop in a storefront to gather my thoughts, before rushing into my future.

I told my friends prior to meeting Tony that he was fictional perfection. On paper he seemed too good to be true. But after meeting him, I gushed to Nadia, who'd been waiting as my spy, that I thought I would marry him.

Early on in our relationship, after exchanging those three little words, Tony always raved that he would always be in love with me. A little jaded, I told him that it wasn't true and that I wasn't interested in him always being in love with me, as I found it unsustainable. I told him that I cared more that if we fell out of love with each other, that we would commit to falling back in love.

And I can say without a doubt, we have, several times over.

Ring-A-Round the Rosey

2014-12-13T15:47:00.000-06:00

:: I spend most of my days in a sort of disbelief.

I can't believe I have a 5 1/2 year old.

I can't believe we had only two boys 2 years ago.

I can't believe we have 4 kids.

You'd think I'd be adjusted by now, but I'm not.

:: Everything has been moving at warp speed lately and I've felt completely out of control.

No one wants to read that. Or maybe, it's what everyone has wanted to hear?

Who's to know?

I feel like I'm failing continuously. Day in. And day out.

It just depends on the day who is suffering from my failures.

:: What I miss most about blogging is that it made me pause to be honest with myself.

I miss that reflection and the opportunity to actually flesh out my feelings.

:: Knowing the origin of Ring-A-Round the Rosey, singing the song to my kids feels very dark.

I love that they instantly start giggling if I suggest we do it though.

Ezra John is Three

2014-11-06T07:48:00.001-06:00

Oh wait, it's not June. Not even close, but after viewing some old blog posts with Isaac, I was reminded why I was committed to updating this blog for such a long time. It's my time vault. It's a treasure trove. And it needs to continue.

So, here's Ezra's birthday from June.

We had a family birthday party again and were so grateful for the additional space of our new house, as it was raining! There was no way we'd have been able to fit everyone into our old house.

Look at my baby boy's little remaining baby face. He's grown up so much since this!

For some reason, that I'll doubt we'll ever know. Ezra was obsessed with this watermelon ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. He didn't even know there were plastic ants on it until we went to order it.

One night before a session, I got the crazy idea to get the kids dressed up and bring them to my session to grab a few shots beforehand. The light was gorgeous . . . but the mosquitoes were awful! I shot fast, contacted my client and we actually did their session at another location.

Ezra is still my sweet, silly goofy boy.

Those eyes!

He has this ability to be constantly amazed at life.

And is such a sweetheart.

We don't know how he picked it up, but daily he'll say "Mama, you're beautiful." expecting me in turn to either tell him he's handsome or a sweetheart. I mean melt my heart into a full puddle.

He absolutely adores Isaac, unless he's beating on him. Thicker than thieves these two.

He's still the spitting image of Tony, which I'm obsessed about.

Love you sweet boy!

Life of Late

2014-10-16T22:40:00.002-05:00

I've encountered the question, so often from friends, family and clients "How's it going?"

It's such an odd question to answer.

I can't remember how much sleep I get each night.

I have no idea if Naomi is on a schedule yet.

I am forever grateful for the business that I've been given since her birth.

We've been able to enjoy this fall, like no fall since I've started photography.

It's so crazy to have the female version of Isaac.

I'm trying to savor every day.

Isaac is a Kindergartner

2014-09-24T23:55:00.001-05:00

Naomi was born at 3:49am.

Tony left the hospital at 6:00am.

He went home and got Isaac ready for Kindergarten.

I had so many thoughts I envisioned I'd write about Isaac starting school and none of them involved a sister being born the same day.

I can't even describe the depth of emotions I felt, but just based on the simple facts, I'm pretty sure any mother can imagine. I welcomed my last baby the very day that I sent my first baby out into the world.

As much as I wasn't ready to birth Naomi, I also wasn't ready to let the world at Isaac.

They were both painful, but I'm so grateful for God's grace in strength in both.

Because Nomi was born quickly, and easily, just like I prayed.

And Isaac was able to walk into school, with Tony at his side, just like we prayed.

I wasn't there, but Tony facetimed the whole thing with me, with a nurse, an aide and a pediatrician getting more than they bargained for, walking in to find me bawling on the phone.

Nomi's Birth Story

2014-09-19T10:02:00.000-05:00

With a surprise pregnancy, I ended up booking two weddings the weekend I passed 37w. I was extremely anxious the entire summer about fulfilling my commitment to these two brides and woke up Friday, August 30th so relieved. I'd made it. I worked my butt off in the gym to make sure my body was physically capable of shooting a double that late into my pregnancy and I felt ready, so ready to knock out those two weddings and no longer be worried about the unexpected.

My midwife and I both thought that I would probably go into labor as soon as I felt like my obligations were completed, so I tried to mentally psyche myself out that I wasn't as relieved as I felt. We all know where this story is going, so clearly I didn't accomplish this!

Friday, I drove up to Duluth, shot a gorgeous wedding and made my way back home by midnight with a few contractions and an extreme concern . . . I was starting to lose my MP. With all three of my other deliveries, losing my MP happened just 1-3 days before labor and delivery, so having it start to happen at 37w1d and with another wedding and 6 scheduled sessions to go, I was mildly freaking out.

There wasn't anything I could do about it and after a short night of sleep, Saturday I paired up with my good friend Abbey and an extra assistant in tow to shoot my 2nd wedding. We had another equally gorgeous wedding, with even more contractions interspersed throughout, but I made it through the 9 hour day and made my way home! I still had sessions scheduled, so again, I tried to tell myself to calm down and not be too excited about finishing the weddings, but I continued to have contractions throughout that night.

Tony and I gameplanned what we all wanted to accomplish on Sunday, with my focus on laying as low as possible. Our neighbors thankfully helped a lot in this regard, as they took both boys over to their house for the majority of the day, while I tried to lay down, while Tony did as much around the house and the nursery as possible. I had an engagement session scheduled for that evening, which went off without a hitch, despite a really unfavorable forecast!

After my session my contractions kicked up a little bit, still, even from the initial ones on Friday, they never became regular, so I wasn't too alarmed. That night though, every single time I woke up, I had a contraction and it became very clear to me upon waking up Labor Day that they had changed. They were regular from 8:00am on and they were growing in intensity.

I again had a session scheduled that evening, so I tried to see what I could do to delay labor as much as possible. I applied lavender EO to my stomach, drank a ton of water to stay hydrated and finally got into the tub after a few hours of them being 9-10 minutes apart.

I prayed a lot while I was in the tub, mainly about Isaac . . . because he was starting Kindergarten the next day and it was becoming very clear my contractions were only going to result in one thing, a baby. I had a little hope around 12:00pm when my contractions spaced out to 45 minutes apart in the tub, but they never stopped. It was while in the tub, I text AJ and confirmed/wanted her to talk me into the importance of Isaac going to school on the first day. I wanted so badly to be there, but I knew that we were suddenly dealing with a lot of other circumstances. Tony being able to attend the birth and then make it back to bring Isaac to school seemed like the best case scenario, so it was all I started to pray about.

After another hour in the tub, with 40 min of contractions 7-10 minutes apart, I decided to get out. I felt like I'd wasted Sunday and unfortunately there were things that needed to be done, like last minute prepping for Kindergarten and grocery shopping, plus my session. Doing things around the house didn't intensify my contractions or bring them closer together, so I decided to still shoot my session, before then going to Target for a few groceries to get us by and a few school things for Isaac. I had to pause a few times in Target due to my contractions, but was able to get home fine.

I finished packing our hospital bags and overnight bag for the kids, while Tony packed Isaac's lunch and made sure all of his forms were in order. My contractions were still between 7-10 minutes apart and steadily more painful, so I started praying that my water would break. I was so worried we wouldn't make the hour drive to the hospital if I labored at home like in the past. I didn't think I'd know the right time to make the call to leave.

I took a shower, took my eye makeup off, grabbed one of Tony's t-shirts and went to bed at about 10:40pm, with Tony getting in the shower right after me. I fell asleep almost immediately, but woke up 20 minutes later to my first contraction since laying down. Tony had gotten in bed and tried to hold my hand as I started the contraction on my timing app, but I do not like to be touched or talked to while contracting and I flipped my wrist to get his hand off of mine. Not 10 seconds later, with what felt like a forceful kick . . . my water broke, in bed.

I jumped up immediately, turning the light on and simply said "Well, my water just broke." Tony looked at my shocked and said "What? Wait, what?" a few times, before hurrying off to scoop up the kids and buckle them into the van. From start to finish, we were out the door within 7 minutes. I'm still impressed by that! Tony grabbed blankets for each kid, while I got a towel for my crotch and somehow managed to leave without even putting shoes or a bra on. Tony obeyed most of the rules of the road, but Isaac did wake up as we were leaving our neighborhood and chastised us with a "Slow down you guys. It's not safe."

I text my Mom and Gina that my water had broke. My Mom was immediately en route to the hospital and Gina, well Gina wasn't going to make the birth, so I basically told her so she could get to praying. I had two backups, as Gina had let me know that Monday and Tuesday weren't options for her. I text Christina on the way to the hospital and told her I'd keep her updated.

I was so anxious that my contractions were going to hit warp speed, as my experience with my water breaking previously was with the boys crowning and ushering in transition with Miri. I anticipated the car ride from hell, but remarkably, the hour passed quickly without a birth on the side of the road or traumatizing our kids. I was quite the sight though walking up to the emergency room, waddling with a towel between my legs, no makeup, no shoes, no bra, wearing a shirt that Tony doesn't even wear stating "My drinking team has a hockey problem."

That said, we were quickly brought into our room by our awesome L&D nurse. I was checked out and admitted at a 4.With my water breaking, I knew we were staying, but I was really glad to hear I was at a 4 at least!

I was sad to hear that my beloved midwife wasn't on call, but since I was already giving birth at 37w4d and the eve of Kindergarten, nothing was exactly ideal. My nurse Sheila asked me a few questions and inquired several times if there was anything she could do or to help, but there wasn't much to do other than for me to get labor going.

I just wasn't ready though.

I sat in the hospital bed, with my contractions 4-6 minutes apart and thought about how much I didn't want to go through birth again. How I wasn't ready.

It was my pervasive thought.

And so even though I knew I needed to stand up, to labor how my body likes, with gravity as an ally, I laid in that bed.

Around 1:30am, Tony asked if it'd be okay if he laid down. He wasn't really doing anything, because I wasn't really doing anything and I saw no reason for him not to.

It was somewhere after Tony laying down that I finally bit the bullet and got up. There was no denying the fact that I was having a baby, no matter how unprepared I felt. Or how much I didn't want to endure the pain, again.

Right away, with standing, my contractions intensified. I walked a little loop in the room, raising my hands in praise as I listened to the Third Day station on pandora. I was in my own little world for the better part of an hour, until around 2:40am, when I realized that my contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart and I had neither a nurse or my husband readily available. That's when I woke Tony up, nap time was over!

I was starting to lose it here. I was so tired. Just so tired. And I really didn't want to face the pain that was coming. I know that seems so stupid, but with three med-free births behind me, the last one entirely too recent for my memory to have faded, I just didn't want the pain. Without a doubt, if there were a fictional baby #5 I would get an epidural. The mental anxiety and pain from dreading what was coming absolutely hurt worse than delivery. And that's just stupid. As a side note though, I find it so interesting how different Ezra's delivery was in comparison to my other three. I question why, a lot.

I told Tony I didn't want the pain and he in turn, like a fabulous husband said he'd do anything to take it away. I then asked him if we could make the vasectomy just a little painful, just to keep things fair. ;)

I changed positions a few times here, between kneeling on the bed, with my arms over the top and standing, holding tight to Tony's hands. Everything felt like it was progressing exactly like Miri's birth, with a somewhat irregular contraction pattern (one strong one, followed by a weaker one), so I figured I'd stick to the positions that finally helped move Miri down.

At 2:45am, I told Tony to call Christina, as she was about 20 minutes away, but he suggested waiting until the nurse had checked me, as she'd mentioned she'd be back in at 3:00am. It made sense, so I agreed, unfortunately, we should have called her right that second. When I was checked at 3:00am, I mentally was just done and I was so frustrated to hear that I was only at a 6. That said, I really felt like I was in control of my body and knew that I was still resisting the fact that I was going to have a baby. I hadn't even met the on call OB yet (which I know is normal, but so different than midwifery care), but my nurse said she was going to call her down. So she called for the OB, while Tony called Christina and I tried to relax as much as possible.

It worked.

Not 20 minutes later when the OB popped her head in to say "Hi." I had progressed to an 8 and was definitely feeling pushy. Unfortunately, the OB and nurse didn't have any of my history of quick deliveries and I was so defeated when the OB nonchalantly announced that she was just going to dip out and hang out outside of the room.

I looked at both my nurse and Tony and told them that I was holding back. No one was ready for this baby, not the nurse, not the OB, not me. I needed someone to be ready! Thankfully my nurse read between the lines and asked the OB to come back into the room. That was all I needed to hear and I finally was ready to embrace what was to come. I remember thinking to myself something like "Screw it, let's do this." And we did. I started moving her down with contractions, as I heard the room start to fill and was told that I was complete.

Then, I started screaming, with Tony leaning over my upper torso and my having a death grip on both of his hands. From the sounds of it, my nurse told everyone I pushed once, but I felt like I was pushing for 5 minutes or more and felt continual pain. There was no relief once her head was free, there actually wasn't any when she was born, it was only once the placenta was also out. Because of the difference in pain, I had to be told a few times that she was out and to look at my baby! I couldn't believe she was there! Tony was able to cut the cord, which he'd only been able to do with Isaac.

Within a few minutes Christina was in the room, but she'd unfortunately missed the birth, which is another thing Nomi shares with Isaac: the birth photographer missing the birth.

We took a little while to name her. I think both Tony and Christina wanted the confirmation right away, but I loved the fact that there was no one in the waiting room for the first time. We could just enjoy our new daughter and I wasn't in a huge rush to decide.

I'd been preparing myself for a full term bigger baby and I think if she would have stayed until her due date, today, that she would have topped 8 lbs and been closer to Ezra. That said, I didn't tear again and I'm super thankful she was just the little 7lb 1oz nugget that she was.

I can't believe that this sweet girl has been with us for 2 1/2 weeks now! It hasn't been a cakewalk, especially since her timing was so unexpected. It seems like no one has had time to pause for a second since she's been born, but she's such an undeserved blessing. I shared my heart a little more on instagram the day she was born, while this girl may have been a surprise, she was never an accident.

She's our bonus baby and I'm loving the opportunity to enjoy my last baby, again, with even more intention.

after birth photos by Christina of Electric Lime Photography

Naomi Ann | Our Bonus Baby

2014-09-08T23:44:00.001-05:00

Making her debut September 2nd, after a full day of laboring on Labor Day, our Naomi Ann joined the family at just 37w4d of age!

She ended up my smallest baby, at 7lbs 1oz and 20".

The boys have welcomed her whole heartedly and Miri miraculously has as well, even thinking she's her personal baby.

All this to say, we are so overwhelmed with thankfulness for this beautiful addition that God orchestrated for us. We couldn't love her more!

36 & 37 Weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-09-08T22:32:00.001-05:00

So . . . these are pretty much irrelevant now, but I have to still post the pictures!

How far along: 36 weeks. [36w with Miri, 36w with Ezra, 36w with Isaac]

How far along: 37 weeks. [37w with Miri, 37w with Ezra, 37w with Isaac]

34 & 35 Weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-08-15T16:18:00.000-05:00

How far along: 34 weeks. [34w with Miri, 34w with Ezra, 34w with Isaac]

How far along: 35 weeks. [35w with Miri, 35w with Ezra]

How big is baby: Little miss is measuring in over 18 inches and 5.25 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: I think I'm still at 27 lbs. Maybe I'll be honest and step on the scale tomorrow.

Stretch marks: After two pregnancies, I somehow still don't have any.

Sleep: We have a new KING sized bed now! Which is amazing, but we're going through the process of breaking it in, so it's been a
little frustrating. My leg cramps seem to have been abated by the right combo of Advocare Rehydrate! So that's a win!

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Nothing. Seriously nothing sounds good. Nothing tastes amazing. Every bit of food is just a sea of blaaaaaah.

Movement: My goodness this girl can stretch out in a small space.

What I'm loving: We're having a painting party this weekend and are going to paint the majority of our upstairs! About 80% of the house is still beige from when we moved in, so this is going to be huge!

Symptoms: I've been having some pretty bad hip, shoulder and back pain, but I'm not sure what to attribute it to. Additionally, I had a migraine this week, which was unusual for me, as I have only gotten migraines early in my pregnancies, never late. Like I mentioned above, my leg cramps seem to have finally settled down by guzzling Advocare Rehydrate.

What I'm looking forward to: We have our maternity session with Gina this weekend! Yeah, a maternity session for baby #4, otherwise known as consistency with all of our children and the opportunity to have a few pictures of each child, because good grief I've barely taken any of my own kids this summer.

32 & 33 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-08-06T09:34:00.001-05:00

How far along: 32 weeks. [32w with Miri, 32w with Ezra, 32w with Isaac]

How far along: 33 weeks. [33w with Miri, 33w with Ezra, 33w with Isaac]

How big is baby: Little miss is measuring in at 17.2 inches and 4.2 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: Pretty sure I've hit 30 lbs. Not compelled enough to step on the scale. Absolutely seeing numbers I never have before due to that lovely 10 lbs I hadn't lost since Miri.

Sleep: My little Miri Joy has been having a rough time lately, so that combined with awful leg cramps and only attempting to sleep between 12:00am and 7:30am, and it's been pretty brutal. We bought a King sized bed though! I know they recommend a new mattress every 8 years, so let's pretend we're on schedule, even though we got it 12 years after my parents.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: None. Can none count as a craving?Apparently that's just what girls do to me. They devoid me of cravings or anything tasting amazing.

Movement: I have a video to post!

What I'm loving: Purchases, sadly. Purchases. Our new mattress will come with a bit of a room makeover and we're finally starting to make headway on the girls' room!

Symptoms: My energy level is still at a dismal low. Leg cramps, especially my inner thighs are atrocious.

What I'm looking forward to: I have three weddings left, taking me to 37w and I just can't wait to be done with them and not feel like I could go into labor at any moment and screw everything up.

Summer Membership at the Y

2014-07-24T22:38:00.003-05:00

Somewhere near the beginning of May, I got it into my head that I needed to check out our area YMCA. We were never members of the Y growing up and Tony and I haven't belonged to a gym since shortly after we got married. At that time, there was pretty much only one option, Lifetime Fitness and we paid about $200/month for our membership. Given that context, while I know that there are 24 hour gyms available for less than $30/month, I was floored to find out that a summer membership at the Y was only $280. Done. Flat rate. Including the pool. The workout classes. And, most importantly to this treadmill and dumbbell owning mama, who still can't manage to get a workout in at home: 2 hours of childcare.

I was positively giddy with the decision to sign up, and honestly, I haven't felt let down.

I was not working out, between 2 trips to Mexico and Hawaii, any of my endurance or strength that had clung on was gone, so I swallowed my pride and started at the bottom up.

After a few weeks of jogging my body's memory of what it felt like to consistently work out again, I started lifting again.

I found an app called Body Pumping that has a simple and quick option to choose between 5+ lifting programs specific to either men or women. I started using this app, having set lifting days, and at least 35 minutes of cardio, for 2-3 additional weeks.

And then, just at the end of June, I started the Les Mills Body Pump classes at the Y.

And it has been amazing.

I can't even tell you how much I love it and my strength has absolutely returned, even if it's not clearly evident in visible muscle, as I'm not dieting or burning too much through cardio.

I try to keep to my schedule with dedicated lifting days, but man alive, as I've written in my weekly updates, my energy just dropped the last few weeks, so I do accommodate based on energy level.

Monday: Cardio and Shoulders
- I'm still trying to run as much as possible and can eek out a 12:00min mile for 2, before going to walk run intervals
- Power partials, front dumbbell raise, reverse fly, shoulder press & upward row

Tuesday: Body Pump followed by Chest & Triceps
- Bench press, incline bench press, skull crushers, triceps cable pushdown, tricep dumbbell kick back, dumbbell fly

Wednesday: Cardio and Legs (I once did legs on Friday before a wedding, never again)
- Machine leg extensions & hamstring curls, lunges, squats, deadlifts and one-legged cable kickbacks

Thursday: Body Pump followed by Back & Biceps
- Wide-grip lat pulldowns, barbell row, curls, hammer curls and good mornings

Friday: Hard cardio.

Saturday: Shoot a wedding.

Sunday: Recover from said wedding.

Unfortunately the summer membership does end at the end of August, so we'll have to decide what to do from there. I'm absolutely leaning towards jumping in for a membership, as I'd love to keep going instead of losing steam 3 weeks before my due date.

31 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-07-24T14:12:00.000-05:00

How far along: 31 weeks. [31w with Miri, 31w with Ezra, 31w with Isaac]

How big is baby: A pineapple at 16 inches and 3.3 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: I was apprehensive to step on the scale, but it seems like I've stayed at 25 lbs for the 3rd week in a row. Back when I showered in the morning, every day, I weighed myself consistently which I think helped my healthily keep tabs on my gains. Unfortunately I only do it about once a week now and I'm just never sure what I'm going to see.

Sleep: We went up to Alexandria for a family reunion and stayed in the most dreadful Super 8 (don't get me wrong, I grew up in cheap hotels playing soccer, but this one was bad). And that while I'm absolutely lusting over a King size bed with a mattress that isn't 20 years old, our mattress at home was 1000X better for this pregnant lady than the slightly firm one we slept on there.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: None. Can none count as a craving?Apparently that's just what girls do to me. They devoid me of cravings or anything tasting amazing.

Movement: I swear this baby girl is going to be born with wings, because she does this flutter move in utero that has me convinced she's trying to fly!

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: My energy level is still at a dismal low. Leg cramps, especially my inner thighs are atrocious.

What I'm looking forward to: One of my clients suggested that I work with Stitch Lab to contract out my quilts for the girls and I'm so happy to have gained the contact! Laura has been nothing but sweet and I'm so excited with the fabric choices I made for the coordinating quilts for the girls.

30 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-07-15T15:28:00.001-05:00

How far along: 30 weeks. [30w with Miri, 30w with Ezra, 30w with Isaac]

How big is baby: Head of cabbage, 15.7 inches and almost 3 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: Well, I held steady this past week at 25 lbs.

Sleep: My sleep has been atrocious this week due to leg cramps almost hourly.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: None. Can none count as a craving?Apparently that's just what girls do to me. They devoid me of cravings or anything tasting amazing.

Movement: I gave her movement about two more weeks before it turned painful, but I only got 2 more days. Painful jabbing has been ushered in, as well as the weird belly button push that makes you feel like you itch from the inside.

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: I'm so so thankful for this mild summer, as my swelling hasn't been quite as bad as I thought I'd be experiencing based on my double header wedding weekend on Memorial Day weekend. It is still an issue, but man alive, I'm tired again. I hope that I haven't tapped out my energy completely!

What I'm looking forward to: Forward progress on the nursery!

Best moment of the week: GINA had her sweet baby Cal!

29 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-07-09T11:22:00.002-05:00

How far along: 29 weeks. [29w with Miri, 29w with Ezra, 29w with Isaac]

How big is baby: Size of a butternut squash, 15 inches and 2.5 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: Last I weighed in, I was at 25 lbs. So well, that bites, but honestly. I'm continuing to feel fantastic and I keep adding weight to the bar at the Y, so I know I am building muscle (but no, it's not all "muscle weighs more than fat").

Sleep: Aside from needing a new mattress, as we have used my Mom and Stepdads for the past 8 years and they used it 12 years prior to that, I've been sleeping okay. Yeah, let's not even dwell on the fact that our mattress is now 20 years old, and well, the other factors as well. ;)

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: None. Can none count as a craving?

Movement: Absolutely confirmed. Movement almost every hour.

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: Swelling definitely seems to be the symptom of this pregnancy, but thanks to the 4th of July, I can definitely say that I have major heartburn when I eat non-paleo, which makes me feel a little better about my 70/30 or 80/20 attempt that I've been making.

What I'm looking forward to: Forward progress on the nursery!

Best moment of the week: Ah, the 4th! Love this family of mine!

Vonjet Silhouettes | A Giveaway

2014-07-07T17:37:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, this blog barely has a pulse and here I am throwing up a giveaway, but friends, I'm just blown away by this product and still floored that Vonjet Silhouettes offered to let me host a giveaway.

The timing was a godsend, as I received Kim's email the same week I'd purchased the supplies necessary to make painted silhouettes of the kids and for some reason, it was just something I really desired of my kids.

[Perfect spacing for Baby Bonus' future silhouette!]

I was excited as I browsed through their options on their site, Vonjet Silhouettes, but I was not prepared for the quality of the product that I received! The silhouettes are obviously crafted with great care and the workmanship is evident in the consistency, as each of the three silhouettes not only looks like each child, but every corner is precisely aligned.

[Silhouettes shown are Shale on Timid White]

I still find it so laughable that I started blogging through finding bloggers on the Decorating & Renovating board and yet, I rarely, if ever seem to decorate either this house or the Mounds View house. These were very truly the very first thing that we hung on the walls and I couldn't be prouder to display them.

That's why it's so amazing that Vonjet Silhouettes is giving away a custom silhouette to one of my blog readers!

In an effort to bolster their instagram following, it's mainly instagram focused. In order to be entered, make your way to my account, like their account, comment by tagging 3 friends and for an additional entry, repost the image I'll be posting!

26, 27 & 28 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-06-30T12:19:00.002-05:00

26 Weeks

27 Weeks

28 Weeks

How big is baby: Head of Chinese cabbage 14.8 inches and 2.25 pounds.

Weight gain/loss: Well, at 26w I nailed down the 22 lb gain that was my target, which I wasn't thrilled about, but I'm grateful to have stayed at that number for the past two weeks.

Sleep: Sleeping on my back has definitely reached the point of uncomfortable, so it's right side or left side.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: WATERMELON. This one is just going to continue!

Movement: Baby girl is so active after my morning coffee and it's been really funny to cuddle with the boys while she's kicking their arms hard enough for them to notice.

What I'm loving: That I've only got 8 more weddings before this little miss arrives! Each one is just a marginal degree more difficult than the previous and 8 seems like a great number.

Symptoms: I've always had calf and foot cramps, but lately it's been inner thigh cramps, which are 1000% worse.

What I'm looking forward to: I think it's hilarious that three weeks ago I was excited to start planning baby girl's room . . . and here I am with barely any progress towards that end!

Best moment of the week: I'm still going to have to go with lifting at the Y. I'm in love.

25 weeks | Baby bonus

2014-06-09T23:17:00.001-05:00

How far along: 25 weeks. [25w with Miri, 25w with Ezra, 25w with Isaac]

How big is baby: A cauliflower at 13.6-14.8 inches and 1.5-2.2 pounds.

Weight gain/loss:I think I'm already closing in on 18 lbs. Definitely not where I hoped I'd be.

Sleep: I'm back to complaining about Miri. Girlfriend has picked up a little bit of a cough and combined with cutting all four top teeth, it's been difficult around here.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: WATERMELON. This one is just going to continue!

Movement: Absolutely confirmed. Movement almost every hour.

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: Leg cramps are back on the docket.

What I'm looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to actually making some choices regarding the girls' room and putting something together!

Best moment of the week: I'm still going to have to go with lifting at the Y. It has been completely priceless to me and this past weekend's wedding didn't seem to effect my muscles at all, just a general ache in my lower body.

24 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-05-30T23:32:00.000-05:00

How far along: 24 weeks. [24w with Miri, 24w with Ezra, 24w with Isaac]

How big is baby: A cantaloupe at 10.5 – 11.8 inches and 12.7 oz.

Weight gain/loss:Meh, I'm right at 15 lbs right now. I started a weight lifting program this week, so we'll see how that effects me pregnant. If nothing else, it's freaking amazing for my sanity. I love endorphins, setting goals and surpassing my expectations. Of course, the weak sauce that I am right now, that's not happening, yet.

Sleep: I'm back to complaining about Miri. Girlfriend has picked up a little bit of a cough and combined with cutting all four top teeth, it's been difficult around here.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: WATERMELON.

Movement: Absolutely confirmed. Movement almost every hour.

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: I've been dealing with some pretty bad swelling in my legs and feet due to the house spent working at the computer . . . which is in on our kitchen table.

What I'm looking forward to: This weekend. Tomorrow is Gina's baby shower and . . . no set plans. Just like Sunday includes a maternity session and . . . no set plans.

Best moment of the week: Either yesterday or today, when I actually swallowed my pride and entered the free weights area at the Y. It doesn't matter how little the weights are right now or how long it's been since I did the lift. Over the years I've expressed how much I love lifting and unfortunately how much I've missed lifting. With the surge in popularity of crossfit, I've often thought it would be something I enjoyed, but at the same time doubted that I had what it took to keep up. While I'm quite certain I couldn't keep up with CF, I know without a doubt that lifting is integral to who I am. It awakens something within me that makes me come alive, completely different from cardio or races.

I'm so glad to be lifting again!

MishMash

2014-05-27T13:18:00.003-05:00

- We're almost a week into our first membership at the Y and I can already tell that it beyond the money for us. I know it's no coincidence that the summer membership coincides with school being out for the summer, but my goodness, it just really is perfect timing.

The kids love going to their Kids Stuff area, and while Tony and I haven't managed to get there at the the same time, we've both consistently gone since we signed up last Thursday. I started logging about 5 miles of walking (1 over my lunch break and 4 at home) when I was pregnant with Miri, but that was during hockey season and slow season for photography, so I'd spend 1 1/2 hours at night on the treadmill . . . which is clearly not the case now. I'm really hoping that I build some strength before I get too late in this pregnancy to help me survive my wedding season.

I.am.so.weak.

- This weekend was definitely different for us. There was none of the excitement of a three day weekend free from work responsibilities, as I had a double header wedding weekend and Tony brought some extra projects home to get over time.

My weddings went amazingly and we got to enjoy a little bit of family time together on Monday. We'd planned on taking the kids to the Y to go in the pool, but we mismanaged our time, got out the door a little late and showed up when they were closed. As a plan B we ended up at the Lakes Beach and Isaac declared it was even better!

- My porch is starting to feel a little bit more like what I envisioned when we first bought our house. Rocking chairs, potted plants and I found some galvanized steel planters for the railings. Tony had to screw them to the porch, but I absolutely love them! I'm not a huge fan of the dead space spanning all of the rock in the front, but we can do something with that over time.

For now I have yellow begonias, goldilocks, white begonias and white moss roses in the planters. They are so cheerful! I can't wait for them to fill in.

- Isaac graduated from preschool last Thursday and I have to admit, I was totally emotional about it. I always remember easily making fun of preschool/kindergarten/5th /8th grade graduations growing up . . . but when it's your child about to transition to that next stage of school, I appreciate being able to take the time to recognize it!

- Miri has been such a character lately. It's so crazy to me how literally on the day of their birthday I am able to watch my kids change. For Miri it has been the development of very strong feelings. We've seen insane fits and uncontrollable laughter, trying to comfort a crying brother and demanding food/drink.

We definitely do not have boring children, that's for darn sure!

23 weeks | Baby Bonus

2014-05-23T11:17:00.002-05:00

How far along: 23 weeks. [23w with Miri, 23w with Ezra, 23w with Isaac]

How big is baby: A grapefruit at 10.5 – 11.8 inches and 12.7 oz.

Weight gain/loss: I started my 2nd Advocare challenge to hopefully help with steadying out this weight gain, and I'm happy to say that I've rebounded from my Mexico and Hawaii travels. I'm at a 12lb gain now, which will hopefully be half of my total.

Sleep: I've been waking up with leg cramps almost nightly again, so I'll either be adding in bananas to my smoothies or resuming my consumption of coconut water, which worked like a charm for me with Miri!

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: I've been doing great, but no where near as stringent with paleo as I got with Miri. Only three days into my Advocare challenge and we started at the Y yesterday!

Movement: Absolutely confirmed. Movement almost every hour.

What I'm loving: Knowing that my baby is healthy! And another girl!

Symptoms: Other than my rapidly expanding belly, some baby movement and irritability . . . none. I feel like every pregnant woman is hating me right now, but I feel nothing.

What I'm looking forward to: Honestly, I'm really looking forward to a lot of my Mom friends being done with school for the summer and for consistent nice weather!

Best moment of the week: Isaac graduated from preschool, but that's a whole post in itself!

Isaac Levi is FIVE

2014-05-21T17:06:00.004-05:00

Five hurts my heart. Five, just feels like half a decade, which doesn't sound nearly as monumental as it hit me.

Isaac is every bit as strong willed as a first born should be. He challenges us. He keeps us on our toes. He ensures that we're always vigilant, because if not, oh boy, he's going to be there calling us on it.

He is silly. He is earnest. He loves his family and Jesus. He is laughter. He is tickle fights and races and puzzles and lego creations. He loves people and is constantly seeking new friends, whether they are his age or not.

He sucks his cheeks in when he is embarrassed or proud, or embarrassed he's proud, but he wants our approval and we want nothing more than to give it.

Happy 5th birthday, Isaac. I have no doubt you're going to do amazing things!