What I want you to think about is how Matthew 6:21 can relate to your marriage just as it does your faith and belief in God. I’ve written on this site about working together on the finances as a couple, planning together, saving together, spending together. I’ve written about communicating and valuing the marriage covenant more than the money situation. I know it is all a lot easier said than done so I want to challenge us all with Matthew 6:21 – “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”.

Most times we hear that verse in a message meant to challenge us to be generous in giving back to the church, and we SHOULD do that. But are you being generous with your spouse? Are you cooperating with the plan and sticking to it? Are you compromising and sacrificing some things you want to do financially in order to allow your spouse to do some things they want to do? Are you investing time and money in dating?

In church we hear statements like “If we looked in your checkbook it would show us where your heart is”. That’s a true statement and I hope we would see your heart for God, I do. But would we also see your heart for your spouse?

- Don’t Give Up On Marriage
- Financial Intimacy
- Working Together Requires Diligence
- I Didn’t Tell You Because
- Ours, Not Mine & Yours
- Nothing To Fight About – Part 1 & Part 2

My initial thought was yes it is easier – Shawna doesn’t typically go out to lunch with the girls like she might at a job, and she doesn’t use a lot of gas money to get back and forth to work. I thought the same is true for me since I get to work from home a lot.

But on second thought I realized, you know what – Shawna still spends just as much. It isn’t easy putting up with kids all day so she is always having to get them out of the house, which ends up being activities that cost money. She also does work part time so there are moments when it is more convenient to grab food on the go. All that takes driving around as much or more than the typical job working mom. So we really don’t have an advantage there.

Even though I work from home a lot of the time I still put about 20,000 miles per year on my vehicle, most of  those are miles that are work-related (going to meet with customers etc).  Not to mention I have WAY more un-reimbursed job-related expenses than the average person.  I get to write some of those expenses off but that doesn’t mean I get it all back, and the other 12 months of the year it creates a unique cash flow challenge.

So after thinking about that question, “is it easier for us”, my response is NO!  Just because our life circumstances are not exactly the same doesn’t mean the challenges of managing money are THAT different.  We still have to live with a plan, giving and saving and spending within our means.  Don’t let others excuse their lack of discipline based on your circumstances.

Mark Asbell Super Bowl Party Rules

1. Watch the game.  Before the game and after the game anything else goes, but during the game WATCH THE GAME.  If you choose not to watch the game at least don’t try distracting those who are watching the game.
2. Watch the commercials.  Refer to rule #1.  This is not a normal football game, it’s the super bowl.  From opening kickoff to the final second is “during the game” and everything that happens “during the game” is part of the super bowl experience and shouldn’t be missed.
3. Watch the halftime show.  Refer to rule #1 & 2.  No one knows if it is going to stink.  I’ve never regretted watching while it stinks but I have regretted missing it when it’s great.
4. Eat great food.  Wings are a great football watching food, but keep your ranch dressing away from me.  Veggie trays are cool too but again, keep your nasty ranch dressing away from me.  Keep your sour cream, mayo, and any other rank tasting white sauce away from me.
5. Just be a good sport.  Pick a team to pull for even if you don’t like either one of them, and don’t get flagged for poor fanmanship (whatever you do don’t be “that guy” who talks smack like they’re one of the players on the field).

As for me, I’m pulling for the Giants.  I could care less about the Giants, but I like the Manning brothers.  Good luck Eli and the Giants.

Maybe they’re naturally very frugal savers or simple-livers and as long as their basic needs are met they’re content in knowing that their spouse is taking care of the bills and whatever they want. Maybe they’re naturally the spender and as long as they’re getting what they want they’re trusting their spouse is handling the details. Either way they’re not paying attention to the details.

Then the tough conversation happens, a conversation that should have taken place months or years sooner. The spouse who was supposed to be handling all the details made some mistakes, things spiraled out of control, and the “I don’t care” spouse has just learned their very well-being is at stake.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Both spouses should be aware of the details by talking about and reviewing the state of their financial union at least once a month.

Is your financial house in order? You might want to go check with your spouse – like right now.

• I work as hard as anyone I know.
• I’m as good a husband/wife as anyone I know.
• I’m as good a father/mother as anyone I know.
• I go to church and serve as much as anyone I know.

I know – things are tough at work, the pressure is on, so that’s why “I work as hard as anyone I know” becomes an inner-defense.  I know – your spouse was nagging about an expectation you’re not meeting so “I’m as good a husband/wife as anyone I know” is what you somehow want to make them realize.  Kids are so naive and don’t understand just how good a parent you are.  Surely the church staff sees how much you’re there contributing to the ministry and should thank you from stage at special events.

My challenge to all of us today is why compare?  Why look at how our performance compares to that of others?  How does that help us be the best spouse or parent we can be?  How does that help us become closer to God and live out his purpose for our life?

Keep in mind December 2006 is when we went to Financial Learning Experience and got Financial Coaching for the first time.  Notice we did a lot of saving before we did anything else, and the saving included fun.   I wanted to get the discipline of saving started right away so that we would have margin when the unexpected happened.

We actually tackled the debts one at a time, so for example there were multiple credit card bills and medical bills listed separately rather than just one-liners.  I’m sure I’ve forgotten some of the things that were on our list along the way, but this is a pretty good representation of how we prioritized the completion of things – making sure to complete practical things (debts & margin) as well as fun things (Christmas & vacation) along the way.

Sometime in the near future I’ll share what’s still coming up on our list and how it is prioritized.  How are you using the money-do-list?

Most people have probably also heard about writing down financial goals, or “Hopes, Plans, & Dreams” as my friend Joe would say it because he is a man of many words.  I’ve found a challenge in my family finances and the finances of families I’ve coached.  The list of goals is long and lofty enough to take a lifetime.  Some of the items on the list are way more important than others.  Some items that are important to me are not important to Shawna, and vice versa.  How is it possible to prioritize the list and maintain peace in the financial house?

Introducing the first ever tool on this website, the Money-Do List.

Let me know what you think about this tool.  In the coming days/weeks I plan to show you how Shawna and I have used this approach to determine what order we would use to prioritize the things we’ve been accomplishing for the last several years.

There is a common corny joke about anytime two guys are in the woods and see a bear they don’t have to out-run the bear, they just have to outrun their friend.  If it was a man and his wife the man should run WITH his wife, loving her survival as much as his own.  That’s why it always happens that way in action movies too.

I feel like I’m in this boat right now.  I ate A LOT over the holidays, didn’t exercise for the past couple of months, and put on probably 15 lbs.  It’s time to get back in a healthy routine.  Does this sound like a new years resolution?  Whatever you want to call it.  I’ve gotta get re-focused on my health.

Men, every time we feel like being lazy and not exercising to take care of ourself we should think of it as loving our wife less because we’re loving ourself less.

1. Mobile Phone Privilege – I’m pretty sure Zack Morris made this one so popular, but I like to think it’s the fact that mobile phones are a privilege not a necessity.  I’m a little disappointed that this one wasn’t closer to the bottom of the list.
2. Mark & Shawna Asbell Are Officially Debt Free – This is the most exciting thing that happened to us all year, a major milestone in our lives.  I still can’t hardly believe it and I’m so grateful for it.  I’m selfishly a little disappointed that this one wasn’t at the top of the list.  EVERYONE should be so excited for us and want to read about it  :-)
3. “No” Is Easy When “Nothing” Is There – It’s no less difficult saying no when there is money in the bank than it is when there is NO money in the bank.
4. Get Help Now - Stop putting off getting help because of your pride, heart issue, or lack of trust.  Get Help Now!
5. My Parents’ 40th Anniversary (series) – My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year and I wrote a little series to honor them and their example.
6. Boomerangers (series) – This 2-part series addresses a concern many families are facing these days.  What do you do when your grown children move back home?
7. Daddy’s Barber Shop - One of the little ways I’m frugal and ever little bit adds up to a lot over time.
8. Kyle Got Married – My brother-in-law got married and I reflected on some important words of wisdom from my wedding day.
9. One Major Step Closer To Divorce - A pretty strong case for why couples shouldn’t have separate finances.
10. Intentional Relationship - We have to be intentional about our relationship or it will “unintentionally” fall apart.

Happy New Year!