TELL THEM ABOUT IT!!

One big pitfall with resolutions is deciding to do something and only letting the world know once you’ve done it. You can even convince yourself you’re doing this to motivate yourself. That imagining your mum’s delight when, in 6 weeks time, you tell her you’ve not smoked for 6 weeks, will keep you off cigarettes.

The truth is, that’s just the way to make sure you look good whatever happens. And it really works. If you achieve your resolution, you can tell everyone and impress them. And if you don’t, nobody needs to know.

Something that really helps you stick to what you say you’re going to do is actually saying it. I’m talking about accountability. When you’re being accountable, you tell somebody what you’ll do and by when. Then you know you’ll have to tell someone if you start to slip.

Being accountable takes being willing to be vulnerable. You open yourself up in a way to public failure. And this is why it is so effective. The odds that you will succeed are hugely increased if you are accountable to someone.

I’m doing it myself right now, and already it’s helped several times. I’m having a dry January – not a drop of alcoholic beverage shall pass my lips for the whole month. I’ve told lots of people – so I’m kind of feeling I can’t back out now! What’s more, I’m inviting people to sponsor me to stay booze-free – I’ve set up a Just Giving page so people can donate to the MS Society. AND as one who adores a cocktail, I’ve set up a Facebook page – Cocktail Lovers For MS. On this page I’m posting one of my favourite cocktail recipes every day, to say thanks to the people who are visiting and donating.

(Here are the links, just in case you want some great cocktail recipes and/or to donate: Just Giving page and Cocktail Lovers For MS Face Book page. I’d be very grateful if you’d drop by, share about it, and of course donate!)

So if your New Year’s resolutions are looking a little bit wobbly by now, tell someone. Get yourself a buddy. It could be a friend, a work colleague, or even a life coach. Tell them what goal you’re setting yourself and by when. Be specific about what you want to achieve – “get fit” is too vague! Agree an appropriate structure for being accountable. For example, a weekly phone call to say “I’m still not smoking!” or “I went to the gym three times!” Another great thing about this is that your buddy can support and encourage you if the going gets tough.

And of course, this is a great system to use at any time of the year.

Some of mine:

Puppy, Olympics, Wiggo winning the Tour de France, my new office, my new iPhone, lots of friends and family having babies, seeing my sister, hosting 12 people for Christmas (potentially – remains to be seen!), a fab holiday in Mallorca, a friend from South Africa spending a month with us, attending an amazing course about causing miracles…

Have fun with this – brainstorm, let it flow, see what comes up!

Here’s some of mine.

I love sweating. It makes me feel I’m achieving something, generally without thinking too hard! Best of all when I’m on my bike. I love being outside and looking at outside. I love our new dog – she’s cute, fluffy, curious and mischievous, but also very direct. There’s no BS to her.

Also, I love making a difference. There’s a lot of great things about the world and people, but there’s stuff left to do; I like it when I’m being part of the solution, not part of the problem. I can’t sort the world out by myself, but if we all – including me – do our bit, we’ll get closer and closer.

For me, several main things have prompted learning. I’ve spent a lot of the year working on our new house – so I’ve learned a lot about decorating! I’ve learned too that, quite simply, I’m CAPABLE of turning my hand to stuff like that. My body is another thing – listening to it, and what it needs. It’s been achey on and off – I need to look after it. I’ve taken that on. And hey – the Olympics! In particular, I’ve learned that I’m right to be such an optimist about people. Look no further than the amazing volunteer army, and the passion they exuded in every direction.

There’s a boldness involved in doing this. This boldness is part of what empowers you to learn from the failures and breakdowns. Sweeping them under the carpet enables them to carry on eating away at you behind the scenes.

So, right away, I’d like to salute YOU for that boldness in taking this exercise on!

It consists of 7 questions – the sort you can reflect on and chew over, not the sort with a “Right” answer. I figure the best way to do them is one at a time, between now and Christmas. (And yes, I’ll be doing it too. And I’ll post about it, as well as posting the questions one by one.) I’ll post questions on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. The last one I’ll post on Christmas Eve.

TIPS: Take your time, and have fun with these questions. Writing down your thoughts is a good idea. Don’t try to figure out the right answer – brainstorm, see what floats to the surface. Also, do share them with other people, and feel free to share what you see here in the Comments. Spread it around.

So, here’s the first question!

1. Successes, Wins and Accomplishments
What’ve you achieved this year? What do you feel proud of? How did you surprise yourself? Look back through your diary to remind yourself what happened this year.
Even if you’ve had some disappointments, allow yourself to notice the good stuff too. No modesty allowed here. And the little stuff counts too.

And how many times did this approach work?
Whether we’re talking about business goals or New Year’s resolutions, the truth is it usually takes more than thinking “Hey, that’s a cool idea,” to actually get things done. Here’s some wonderful stats from the American Society for Training and Development that show the likelihood of a person completing a goal in what you might call differing levels of commitment:

Hear an idea – 10%
Consciously decide to adopt an idea – 25%
Decide when they will do it – 40%
Plan how they will do it – 50%
Commit to someone else that they’ll do it – 65%
And when they have a specific accountability appointment with the person they have committed to – 95% actually complete the goal

So if there’s something you’d like to achieve, take advantage of this! Get someone to be accountable to – a friend, relative, or colleague. (Or, of course, a coach.) Share with them about your goal and your plan, including specific, time-based commitments. Undertake to call them and let them know you did what you said – or not.

I was very moved, I can tell you. It’s when people feel that intangible sense of possibility that they feel most empowered to do things. (It’s finally got me blogging again, for a start.) I got that that’s what’s made this Olympics really important – it’s created that sense of possibility, en masse. It’s not just about sport. Something truly amazing was created. It was a collaborative enterprise born out of love, not a corporate product launch born out of market strategising.

Something that really kills possibility and enthusiasm is that terrible dictum that people are motivated only by fear and greed. London 2012 gave the lie to that idea. You can’t tell that to the athletes, or the thousands upon thousands of volunteers. This is very timely, given how badly that philosophy has let us down.

So… what if you’re not motivated by fear and greed? What if your motivation were something you love? Whether it’s a sport or a career, being a parent, an artist, a lover, or whatever – what would be possible? What would you make happen?

1.What are your disappointments, failures, and breakdowns?
Take the time to acknowledge these and be with them. Know that they create opportunities to learn and grow. Celebrate the courage and energy you put into them, regardless of the outcome.

2. Successes, Wins and Accomplishments
What have you achieved this year? Where did you really step into your power and greatness? What did you step up to do, say, be? What movement did you make? What do you feel really proud of? How did you surprise yourself? Look through your organizer to remind you. No modesty allowed here. And the little stuff counts too.

3.What have you learned about yourself and your life?
What insights have you gained though this year of living? In what ways have you grown? True insights have the transformational capability of shifting us into a new, more alive place. Take this time to note your new understanding.

4.What are you grateful for?
This list might include some of the above and anything else you truly appreciate about yourself or any other area of your life. There is a basic principle that whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in abundance in your life.

5. How will you celebrate and honour your 2011 accomplishments?
What would be a fun, special thing to do mark the year? Make it private or public, but do take the time to acknowledge your growing. Look at who you are becoming! Toast yourself, buy that shiny thing, or treat yourself.

6. Greatest Hits
Create a list of your top hits for the year. What made the year memorable? Things you discovered, enjoyed, saw, heard, wore, or ate. Trips, foods, people, memories, accomplishments, songs – anything that was the cream of the crop for you.

7. Special People
Who were the people who contributed to your year? Who made it special? Who helped make the good stuff happen? Who did you spend happy time with? We couldn’t do it without them.

Now, to get the most out of this exercise, share your answers to questions 1-6 with the people in question 7.

At the Edinburgh Coaching Centre there’s a new monthly series of free open taster workshops – come along, tell your friends!

Since it’s January, the first one’s all about looking to the year ahead.
It’s called “Creating the 2011 You Want”
7.30-9pm
20th January
Edinburgh Coaching Centre
38 Hamilton Place
Edinburgh
EH3 5DN

RSVP here at the Facebook page!