Marriage Moments

Thankful For You

Chuck — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:05:44 +0000

This is a really great song that I found while surfing.
Are you thankful for your Spouse?

Your Spouse – Your Best Friend

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:18:40 +0000

Who is your all-time best friend?

I’m sure that one, possibly two people come to your mind right away. That old friend you’ve had since grade school. The one who stuck by you through pimples and proms. Or maybe you thought about a buddy from college who took you in and showed you the ropes – making your new life and surroundings more exciting and tolerable.

Eric & Liz Hamm

While searching the web for the best thoughts and resources on marriage enrichment, I clicked into a wonderful blog entitled Motivate Thyself authored by a young man named Eric Hamm. I read several posts and one really spoke volumes to me. It is entitled, “Are You Best Friends With Your Spouse?”*

Eric’s Blog is full of great tips and ideas on motivation and life in general. What I appreciated so much was his willingness to open a window into his own life in order to encourage his readers and visitors.

At the end of this particular post, he wrote the following words:

“If we are to live the lives that are best for us and the ones we love
we need to keep track of our progress.”
Eric Hamm*

But how do you measure marital progress?

It would seem to be rather objective and certainly, in some ways, it is. I believe that one of the ‘gold standards’ that we can use to measure against are our own and our spouses’ feelings. (I know that was a mouthful – I’m not even sure I could type it again )

We do have to be careful when we use feelings as a basis for any action or response, but in this case, I believe feelings can be very useful as a measurement tool. Think back to the first question in this article. Let your mind form a clear picture of that ‘best friend’ again. Now – how do you feel?

Happy
Supported
Safe
Loved
_______________

Go ahead, supply your own verb. The point is, that ‘best friends’ tend to make us feel great! We know we can count on them. We know we have their support – even before we ask. We know they’ll come running to our aid – even before we call. Finish this sentence, “She/He is my best friend because … ” What are the words that come to mind. Among them you’ll find some great measurements for marital progress.

For example, you might have finished the sentence with the words, “… I can always count on her/him.” Or maybe you thought, “… no matter what I’m doing – its always better if I’m doing it with her/him.” Best friends are wonderful! They are precious relationships that we all need and should nurture.

How does your spouse rate as a best friend?”

Lets apply our measuring tool from the words above to our current relationship with our spouse. How are we doing? When I think of my spouse, can I use the same type of words to describe our relationship? Is she/he my best friend? Is everything better or more fun when she/he is around?

It is okay if your answer is “not really.” Remember, marriage is a continual process of growing together with your spouse. Taking time to reflect and assess your marriage can make it even better than it already is. As Eric wrote in his article, “We get so used to each other that our minds naturally take the other for granted.” It is easy for the busyness, demands, and events of our daily lives to crowd out the sheer joy of being together.

So what do we do now?

The answer is really quite simple. Plan some special, dedicated quality time with your spouse! Set up a date! Reserve your favorite little table in that quiet restaurant or dust off the picnic basket and put together a romantic lunch in the park. Set a time to visit a nearby museum or to stroll through the zoo with a bag of peanuts. What you do isn’t nearly as important as the time spent together doing it.

The result might surprise you. You’ll find out that this ‘best friend’ hasn’t moved away. In fact, she/he has been there all along, waiting to spend time with you – cause that’s what ‘best friends’ do!

Renee, thanks for being my ‘best friend’ all these years!
(Note to self: pick up a bag of peanuts at the store )

* Hamm, Eric. “Are You Best Friends With Your Spouse?” Motivate Thyself 30 September 2008 http://www.motivatethyself.com/are-you-best-friends-with-your-spouse/ (7 October 2009)

Who Wears The Pants?

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:41:49 +0000

In our marriage, “I (Chuck) wear the pants.”

Okay, maybe we don’t hear that term used much any more. It is from a time past when men wore pants and women wore dresses (or perhaps a skirt and blouse). Growing up during this period, I heard the term used by husbands when they would gather with other men to discuss important things. These meetings usually coincided with times when ‘the wife’ was out shopping, attending a ladies social, or visiting her sister for a few days. You see, men weren’t allowed to mingle unless the current “hubbie-do” list was empty and the ‘little woman’ was otherwise engaged. (Yes, my tongue is buried deep now in my cheek.)

Men thusly gathered, would take turns trying to out-do each other - bragging about their jobs, their sons, their score on the back nine, and when/if the subject came up, their wives. Proudly displaying a burst of courage and control, you would eventually hear one of the men say, “Well, I wear the pants in my house!” He would, of course, be infering to the others that he was in control in his home and that his wife and children knew that he was the boss.

Glancing around to make sure they were alone, the other men would chime in with “me too”, “thats right” and the occasional “amen!”

It was a right of passage.
A declaration of freedom.
A man thing.

But what did it really say about marriage? Not much!

Successful marriages have always contained some form of shared authority. If you don’t agree with me, just ask my wife (Renee). (tongue again)

“Strong marriages are built by couples who work together to establish
the default authority for each

Too Late To Change?

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:15:20 +0000

I wonder how many brides and grooms have stood at an altar repeating, “I do” while secretly pondering the changes that would be necessary to create the ‘perfect mate’ from the piece of clay standing next to them? I also wonder if any have succeeded.

Obviously it is important for each of us to be willing to change as we begin a new relationship.

This is especially true of marriage. Successful marriages often depend on one spouses’ willingness to adapt to both the little – and often not so little requests and wishes of the other. After the honeymoon is over and we settle down to our new life, we often realize that there are some things we didn’t know about this person that we chose to spend the rest of our life with.

I recall one REALLY SIGNIFICANT change that Renee and I faced in the first few weeks of our marriage. We had both grown up in families that were diametrically at opposite ends of the scale when it came to this issue. It’s importance can’t be downplayed …

Does the toilet paper feed off the top of the roll (coming out from the top)
or from the bottom of the roll (coming out from the bottom)?

Now that might seem silly, but it was important to Renee and I. One of us was going to have to change. It is amazing how many little habits we pick up through the years. We do things a certain way. We say things a certain way. We respond in a certain way. And of course, our way is the right way – right?

While this might remind you of Dr. Seuss’ Butter Battle Book; and the struggle over which side of the bread to butter; it was an issue over which we had to come to an agreement. If memory serves, I think I initially turned the roll the correct way in the holder each time I visited the restroom. I was sure that if I did this enough, Renee would realize the error of her ways and my troubles would be over. That didn’t work. Upon my subsequent visits to the restroom, I would find that the roll returned to it correct position (according to Renee).

I’m not sure how long this silent battle of the wills continued, but I know the spring inside the rod (in the holder) was getting weak by the time I finally gave in and allowed my will to be broken

For the past 29 years now the toilet paper rolls in our house have all hung ‘properly’ and there has been peace in the family. While this little example is obviously not intended to downplay the importance and seriousness of many of the changes that take place in a couple’s married life, it does bring out some important issues:

changes are required in the habits, actions, and attitudes of married couples

good marriages become stronger as these changes are dealt with

many of the issues

Grover Discusses Marriage

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:12:00 +0000

This is a really cute little video starring Grover and Jesse entitled, “Do you know what Marriage is? It is amazing how many different ideas there are about marriage.

What Are You Thinking About?

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:12:07 +0000

Simple question.

The First Couple

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 21:13:14 +0000

Recently NEWSWEEK published an essay by Andrew Romano entitled, “Our Model Marriage“.

Welcome … to Marriage Moments!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:28:19 +0000

We are both so glad you stopped by!

After returning to Kansas from a week at the New Mexico District Family Camp held at the beautiful Bonita Park just outside of Ruidoso, Renee and I have been really busy preparing our new web site and blog.

Marriage Moments is the result of years worth of life, and planning.

“Pig Brains & Promises”

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:00:46 +0000

Event Booking

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:51:02 +0000