Romance Meets Life

Comedienne Princess on Love, Marriage and her Wedding

2013-05-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Comedienne Damilola Adekoya, popularly known as Princess, celebrated her marriage to Adeshola Jeremiah a couple of weks ago. In a recent interview, she talks about how they met and why there was only a short notice to the public before the big day. She also shares what she loves about her husband. See their wedding photos here.

What attracted her to Adeshola Jeremiah
Well he is a quiet person and if not for the fact that I am into entertainment, I also like my privacy, I don’t like unnecessary show-off. If I go somewhere and they don’t recognize me, that is very okay by me, I just love to be myself.

How They Met
He saw me when I went for their program in Odunfa Caucus (A Yoruba Theatre Group). I went because of a friend of mine Latifat, who was also trained there. She was in UNILAG and my junior in Theatre Arts. So I went there and that was where he saw me and that was like so many years ago in 2005.

Every time I visit my friend, because they are always together, he will see me there, he couldn’t approach me, not because of my status but the fact that anytime I come I will just play with everyone for like 5 to 10 minutes and just zoom off. And I play and smile with everyone but I don’t give that chance that I am easily approachable in order not to draw unnecessary attention.

Then in 2008, he was shooting his own movie, I also went there to see a friend of mine, he saw me again and went to meet that friend of mine, he told her he wanted to meet me that he would want me to play a role in the movie.

My friend discouraged him saying if he should meet me, it will look like they didn’t plan themselves well. That same year, he was with that my friend when I came to visit and he told her “I really want to marry Princess” (laughs) and my friend started laughing and she told him it’s not possible.

He kept on pestering her and told her why don’t you tell her first and lets hear what she says, she (Latifat) now said I don’t think I can tell her, Princess is my very close friend and I can’t tell her that because Princess doesn’t have time for men now and she has said it’s her work for now. But he continued disturbing her to tell me, so that day we were watching a TV program and I love cooking so she saw a dish and said this dish is very nice how I wish I could eat it now and I said oh you want me to stand up and go prepare this food, so when I went to the kitchen.

She later came into the kitchen and said she wanted to tell me something, and I said what is it, she said this person likes me and wants to marry me, so I just started laughing, it was very funny, she felt embarrassed and went back to the sitting room, I asked her why won’t I be embarrassed, when the person told you, why didn’t you just tell him Princess won’t agree and she said that’s exactly what she told the person but the person insisted.

I told her to give the person my number, and when he called I was just laughing, he asked “what’s funny”, I said nothing, he now said “well he is Latifat’s friend” and I said yes I know that, and I started bombarding him with questions just to discourage him, so he won’t call again.

So when his credit got finished, he called back again. I said this one I have been asking him many questions na wa o but its okay do I have more questions to ask? and I said yes o and started asking him more questions, I asked him questions again till 11:30 PM, he ran out of credit again and called back, and I am like where are you getting all the money for this credit, he just said “don’t worry I will call you back”, when he called back again he asked if I had more questions and I said no because it was already past midnight and we have talking since past 6.

From friend to fiance
That was it! We later became friends and got very close, then he said he wanted to marry me and even told me many things about myself. I was quite surprised and wondered how he got to know all about me. That was how we started and things continued but we just decided to keep everything low key. At first I felt it was low key and if he disappionts me, it won’t hurt too much, but when everything became too serious that was how everything went then we started meeting our families and I discovered that some people he knew, were also the same people I know.

On her sudden wedding announcement
Yes we have been planning it but because my sister was getting married on February 14th, we just felt that hers is the reigning wedding and they were the latest couple, so we concentrated more on hers and also we were trying to avoid the news reaching the press.

So I think 3 weeks or about a month to our wedding, we had already done the introduction and that was when we now started distributing the invitations, because we said if we give people the IVs earlier, news will go around. My husband started distributing his cards a month to the wedding but I started 2 and a half weeks to the wedding because I just said everybody will hear.

On not wanting to publicize her Wedding
The thing is, that’s the kind of person I am. I am just there, I just believe I am like every other Nigerian and even though my work has exposed me and made me to be seen or perceived as a celebrity, my partner is not a public person like that and we just didn’t want too much noise.

Even the day I sent text messages to some of my friends, the next day I started reading so many stories on the internet, and you can imagine that people wrote on the internet that Princess is getting married because she was pregnant and now she is trying to get one guy to marry her.

It was even my husband who saw it and called my attention to it. He was lying on the couch and just laughing and I was like, what’s funny and who are you chatting with?, he just said there is something they wrote on the internet and I said what, he just said it’s on Facebook, they said you are pregnant, and I said don’t mind them but I just felt bad because people sometimes naturally find it difficult to be happy for others.

Even now that I am married, I pray to have kids but you can’t start spreading rumours that somebody is getting married because they are pregnant. You don’t have an insight nor information about them, you can’t reach those people so you just write anything you want. But anyway I didn’t let that bother me, I just kept it to myself. Even when I was rehearsing for my show because we had two different dance routines and it was difficult, so I didn’t even have time to dwell on that.

On what she loves most about him
I love everything about him and he is very understanding. He understands the essence of us being on earth which is just to worship God and he is God fearing. That’s the first thing I noticed about him and I was even surprised. I have always said If I had choice, I will marry a musician but then which musician can I now marry (laughs). He is very God fearing and at least we are not perfect but if you are God fearing, you will always know when you are doing something wrong.

This interview, and much more is in the latest issue of City People Magazine.

Harrison and Tochukwu Nwozo - Be honest, Communicate. Compromise.

2013-05-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Harrison "Harry Baba" Nwozo Jr. is the founder and president of Tribe X Entertainment, LLC which has been responsible for promoting some of the greatest African, particularly Nigerian, events in the Washington DC metropolitan area since 2001. An Entertainment Consultant, Management & Promotional Expert, Harrison Nwozo is married to his wife and company VP, Tochukwu Nwozo, and they have three beautiful daughters. Enjoy their marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your wife?
I attended a surprise birthday party for a friend in Maryland in 2001. He was being surprised by his wife , she invited all his friends to the party. I noticed a beautiful young lady sitting in the corner. I went up to her, we chatted, we danced and exchanged numbers. We started a long distance relationship (she lived in New York at the time) until her company transferred her down to Maryland a year or two later.

How long have you been married?
Since 2003. Ten Years. We will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary at a few exotic travel venues this year.

How did you propose?
I put the ring, if I can remember, inside a box, that had several small boxes inside or something....something she had to open up, before she got to the one with the ring...I got down on one knee...and the rest is history..

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
I think the key , or keys, you need more than one, to a successful marriage , I call the three C'c, compromise, communication and companionship (friendship). You should have respect for one another, strengthen your friendship, trust by communicating, working together as a team and learn to accept each other's shortcomings while working together to help each other grow.
No one is perfect. You both have to realize this and work together as a team.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?(Tochukwu, the wife, replied..)
It has varied through the years- Right now, my favorite part about being married to my husband is the fun we have together. It's hard to stay mad at him because he will do everything in his power to make you laugh. There's never a dull moment with him. We love laughing and we could spend an hour just cracking jokes on each other or about something we saw. We genuinely enjoy each other's company. During our early years of marriage, my favorite part about being married to him was his commitment to the success of our marriage. That's really important in the early years, especially when the honeymoon phase starts to wind down and you start facing some real challenges.

What is the hardest part about being married?
With your marriage, you're basically trying to find a sound balance with various dynamics at play- you're dealing with identity issues as individuals and as a couple, general differences, children, joys, disappointments and so on. Once you find your rhythm, it's pretty much smooth sailing after that. You'll have disagreements and other challenges even thereafter, but the goal is to figure out and agree on a few fundamentals such as: 1. Your mutual commitment towards a successful and happy marriage for both individuals 2. Your commitment to God to commit to a successful and happy marriage where there is genuine love and respect for one another.

Do you have children?
yes, we have three lovely daughters

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
I love my children. It has actually made the marriage even more fun and exciting because we get to do so many different things with the kids...our children are adorable, beautiful and a blessing from God. We cherish every moment with them. We also take time for ourselves from time to time. We'd celebrate some anniversaries and Valentine's Days with the kids but we would also go on brunch or dinner dates or we'll take the day off from work (when the kids are in school/ daycare) and we'll go to the movies.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
I have a few pieces of advice:

For dating couples, at some point , when you feel the relationship is going in a very positive direction (hopefully marriage) introduce each other to each other's family members . Family not in your town or state? Use Skype to connect or plan to travel to see and meet each other's family members.

It sounds cliche but you really have to be able to communicate effectively in any relationship. If you're not communicative at the dating stage, it'll be even more challenging in your marriage. Know that your spouse is far from perfect, just like you, which is why God needs to be integrated into the relationship. He is the sole source of perfection. Love is not enough to make a marriage work, you need to be committed to the relationship and to one another.

Both individuals have to decide to be happily married and hold themselves accountable for that decision. You have to understand that the end goal is not just the marriage but a "happy, balanced married life". Your relationship should make you a better person and not be a detriment to your life/ success. Marriage in terms of the way a husband and wife relate to one another should be seen as an extension of the fun you have as a dating couple. The fun shouldn't stop because you're married. It may evolve a little bit as you mature and with additional responsibilities, but you shouldn't forget to have fun when you get married.

Be honest, Communicate. Compromise. Advise. Listen. Treat your partner like your best friend, be patient, share things, be prepared to sacrifice for the other person, support each other's projects and goals in life, support in education, work, don't leave God out of the relationship.

Ogor Winnie Okoye - Never Go to Sleep With Unresolved Issues

2013-05-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ogor Winnie Okoye is an inspiration to me. I agree with her introduction on her blog which reads, " I love my job! I love my clients! I love life! I love people! I love LOVE in its various manifestations." In addition, Ogor is "a spunky and vivacious mother of four amazing children... married to a truly wonderful man, Victor... an attorney and counselor at law by profession... an author..." Check out Ogor's website for more about her, and I hope you enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?
I met Bubu ( I call my husband that and don’t ask me the meaning because I don’t know :)through a really close friend of mine, Uche. Uche had met Bubu and his friend, Chike, who were both dashingly handsome young man visiting Nigeria during the summer of 1994. She came running to my house and wasted no time in telling me that she met some really great guys vacationing from the States and one of them looks like my type. She suggested that it will be fun to hang out as in double date! We ended up double-dating for the evening and the rest they say became history. We all looked ridiculous in those first pictures we took, Myne. . OMG! You should see. . .

How long have you been married?
15 years into the journey, Myne; almost 20 years together and still counting. . .

How did he propose?
He proposed almost four years after we met. I guess for him, he knew right off the bet that he wanted to end with me as his “mrs.” For me, I guess it took me a little while longer. We did trans-continental dating for a while and then he proposed to me in 1997. How did he propose? You know, Bubu is every inch an Ibo man. I remember that we were having lunch in our favorite restaurant in Enugu and he had opened up a box and when I saw what he was about to do I was scared to death!

Honestly, I knew that I loved him but was not sure that was the kind of love for sustaining a fully committed marital relationship. I was about 22 years at the time and honestly was not looking to settle down. I loved that he had the perfect six-pack physique, he was fun, etc. I said; “ yes” first of all, he was really cool and I honestly had no clue what marriage entailed at the time. It was an exciting prospect and I have always had that sense of adventure! Fast forward to me today, I would tell another 20 something year old a totally different thing per the rules of engagement.. . I have been very lucky,. . .may be blessed cos I made the right “gut” decision.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
I would say that divorcing your ego is the strongest key to a successful marriage. The ego makes you touchy feely and unnecessarily reactive; ultra-sensitive, etc. Your ego makes you want to always have the last word; your ego makes you want to change your partner to become a clone of yourself! Over time, I realized that my marriage became a lot more seamless and a lot more fun when I began to divorce my ego by coming to terms that Bubu is another person with his own unique set of individual traits that might differ from mine, sometimes significantly in a lot of ways.

With the divorce of the ego, one comes to the full realization that you must respect and honor your spouse’s individuality and resist that human tendency to make them more like what you wish for them to become. But seriously, why do most people want to change their spouses to become more like them? Why should they be and why are you the gold-standard on what the perfect partner should be? When you let your spouse be and begin working whole-heartedly on you becoming the best that you can be, your spouse would somehow meet you at that very high standard that you dared to set. That is one thing that I believe has sustained and nourished my marriage till date and I thank God I found out sooner than later because the truth is that there were years that were lost in the battle of the egos.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
Oh Myne, I loooove this question. . .great question . . . personally, the most exciting question for me. Bubu literally gives me wings to fly! He is my biggest cheer-leader and would believe in me even when I have no faith left in myself. He trusts me whole-heartedly and lets me explore and pursue my passions. What to say about a man that will go to the ends of the earth for your literally. He would leave his busy schedule and take me throughout the country for multiple auditions multiple times simply because he believes in me unequivocally. He does not stifle me at all and encourages me to pursue my passion. He trusts me a 110%. . .He is one insanely supportive spouse and for that I just adoreeeeeeeee him. I also love that he is very driven and pushes me to the limits of physical endurance sometimes ( We often run together). He buys almost all of my clothes as I hate shopping. I love that about him too.

What is the hardest part about being married?
LOL should I say? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .; Ok, I have to say it! Being an African man of the Ibo race makes him predisposed to that stubborn, alpha male syndrome! (he is gonna kill me for saying this) But seriously, I hate that he is so stubborn!!! With a capital “S” (funny that even in the midst of that stubbornness, I can still sense that he loves me to pieces) He hardly ever budges and will not say sorry even when he should say it. I hate that he does not cook but is gradually getting better at cleaning around the house with me. Listen, I spoil this man and take full responsibility for that! Case in point, if he is hungry, rather than going to the refrigerator to take his meal out and warm it or make his fufu, he will be starving to death while waiting for me to get home and get his meal. (I honestly HATE that soooooo much). . .(I do. . )

Do you have children?
Yes Myne! God has been sooo kind and gracious to us! We have four children (2 boys and 2 girls) and can I say that the children actually prefer Bubu’s parenting style to mine because they tend to get away with a lot more from him . Our kids are very close in age (13, 12, 10, and 3) with exception of our little 3 year old daughter who is a lot younger than the rest.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Children do change the dynamics of a marriage. It is like injecting another dimension of “challenge” to an already challenging situation. The good news is that they also bring enormous sunshine to the family as well! The key is to maintain the balance that works for you. I say, find what works and stick to it! When the kids were younger it was a lot tougher because I still had to run my private law practice and be mom at home and wife and everything else in between but as they got older, I would say that it got a lot easier because they are helping out with chores. You still have to be a good multi-tasker in order to balance out the different hats that you wear during the course of the day. But I am blessed that I married someone who is amazing with the children. Bubu has more patience than I do with the kids and so that helps tremendously.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
I never discount the role of the Almighty in sustaining our relationship! He has come through for us during the turbulent times that our relationship was severely tested and I never forget that! Prayer has been the centerpiece of it all. I pray especially when I have reached the limits of my human ability and find that I have no more strength left in me.

Besides prayer, I consciously try to let Bubu be! Men love their space! It was NOT like this initially but over time I learnt that it worked wonders! Honestly I find that when I am busy investing in myself, I have almost no time to criticize or condemn him and so the fights are far and in between. Also, when I am not always clinging on to him, he looks at me like with that expression of, “who is she” in his eyes and I feel like he is courting me all over again. That adds a whole new level of sexiness to my package. .. (you must know what I mean Myne! )lol...

Myne, I also work out with him a lot and because we share the love of all things fitness together, it is a great balm for our relationship too . I always apologize, Myne. . . Sometimes when I am right and he is as wrong as wrong can be! A relationship advice from my dad before I left my childhood home still rings true today; “never go to sleep with unresolved issues and apologize as often as you can even when you believe you are right; for the sake of the commitment you made to each other”. I let him win as much as possible . . .(Bubu probably is disagreeing with this one. .., but it is true )

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
Young people, listen carefully to this one as it is coming straight from my heart: “Marry your friend”. I will repeat it for the sake of emphasis and clarity! “Marry your friend” . . Why? Marriages borne from the bonds of true friendship usually fare better than most simply because the threads of true friendship are seldom broken during challenging times. True friends always find the one thing that keeps them hopeful through turbulent times. Most marriages lack that level of understanding. Even if you have to wait a life-time; the safer bet is to marry your friend. .

Chioma Yvonne Mbanefo - Learn From Other Couple's Experiences

2013-05-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Chioma Yvonne Mbanefo is an entrepreneur, writer, and member, Organising Team at TEDxEuston. She says about herself, "I have always been creative and entrepreneurial at a very young age, from making and selling ethnic ragdolls, crafts and even hairdressing in my teenage years. I am currently one of the Directors of an IT Firm based in the City of London, as well as a part time university lecturer." Yvonne is also a wife and mother. Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?

15 years ago on boxing day I was getting ready to relocate to the United States. The plan was to go, sort out where I would live etc, come back and get the rest of my stuff. On the eve of my departure, a friend asked me to come and hang out with her and also braid her hair one last time. As I was as her apartment, her boyfriend dropped by, and we told him we needed to buy hair extensions. Since the hair shop was near his friend's house, he decided to return the movie he borrowed from his friend.

We went to his house, and we got introduced. I was quite intrigued because the roast turkey he made and served us tasted wonderful and for me it was unusual that a single guy would take the time to make roast turkey with the trimmings. He was also the reserved and the quiet type and I am the opposite. Since I was packing all my stuff and travelling the next day, I looked anything but glamorous.

We then jointly decided to go to Chinatown for drinks and dinner and in the process myself and the quiet guy struck up a conversation. To cut a long story short, I still traveled to the US the next day but then turned it into a holiday. I came back to England after 3 weeks of long phone calls and that was the end of my plans to relocate to the US. Three years later, we got married.

How long have you been married?
We've been married for 11 years now

How did your husband propose?
He proposed at Heathrow Airport exactly 2 years to the day after we met, as I was about to get on a plane to visit Nigeria. He proposed in front of our friends, incidentally the same couple that introduced us to each other. We all sat at a table after I had checked in and were having some drinks. I needed some tissue and he made as if he was getting his handkerchief out of his pocket and instead produced a little box, and then popped the question. I thought it was a joke until I saw that it was really a ring. It was somewhat embarrassing as some people at other tables noticed what was going on and were egging me on to answer. I still tease him about being totally African by not going on one knee.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
Honesty and realizing that men and women ARE wired differently. Also realizing that you cannot change the other person - If you cannot handle a habit or quality that they have, you should actually make a decision to either bear it or end the relationship and move on.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
How our differences compliment each other. I'm a dreamer and the creative type and he is the one that gently brings me down to earth or reality. He is also very domesticated and can cook as well, if not better than me. From bathing our new born babies to packing our Daughters' hair, he fully participates in what's going on in the household. We can talk about stuff for hours without running out of topics and I value the friendship that we have. I am quite quirky and he does support and accommodate my quirkiness .

What is the hardest part about being married?
Trying to figure out what he's thinking sometimes. We run an IT consultancy business together here in London and being in the same office, then going back to the same house and bed can be quite challenging. Sometimes, because men are grunters and also tend to switch off, it can be a struggle trying to get him to listen to what I am saying. Some people do ask me how we manage with working at the same place. We've somehow learnt how to be very professional at work though we try have lunch together when work permits. Marriage is not easy, because two totally different people, from different backgrounds and different ways
of thinking, are merging together. Both partners need to work on their marriage to make it work, because it is so easy to take the other for granted. We try to be very conscious of this.

Do you have children?
Yes, we've been blessed with three wonderful children.Two girls and a boy.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
We were together for 3 years before we got married and had time to travel and do things together. We used to go clubbing, parties and hang out with friends but obviously don't have as much time since the children came. Now we try to have an hour or two together chatting when the kids go to bed. If family or friends are visiting, we also take advantage of the free childcare and go out somewhere. Because he travels quite a bit we make full use of smart phones and available communication tools when we are not at the same place.Also we try not to neglect the sex part of the marriage as that department usually suffers when kids come. So basically we do try to make out time for each other.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
Doing things like sending silly text messages in the middle of the day, and finding things to laugh about. I've also seen that prayers have helped my marriage a lot, especially when we quarrel or run into conflict. We also try to listen to relation improvement programs - it is amazing what you can learn from other couples' experiences.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
Never go to bed with anger in your heart, and never bring pride into your relationship. It doesn't matter who say's sorry first, making up is really worth it.

Respect each other's views, see things from their own point of view and then find a compromise if need be.
Trouble will come, but how you handle each episode will determine how well the relationship will develop.

Also one superb advice My Dad gave me on my wedding day is this - "Nobody is worth you and your partner quarrelling. The person will go back to their house and sleep soundly, whilst both of you will be miserable and stay awake facing the opposite walls."

__________
The Marriage Avowals is an interview series promoting a positive image of marriage and family. If you'll like to be featured, please email myne@mynewhitman.com.

Bola Essien Nelson - Believe the Best of Your Spouse Always

2013-05-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

Formerly known as the Desperate Naija Woman, Bola Essien Nelson now prefers to be called Salt, and blogs at the Salt Chronicles. She is the author of three instalments of the Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman (2009, 2010 and 2011). She says of herself, "I am not perfect. I am no saint.I am not Maya Angelou. Nor am I Einstein. I am just a working wife and mom stumbling along, trying to make my way to heaven. I must see God. I just must." Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?

I met my mgm (mighty good man) at the University of Uyo, Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria where we were both students. I actually remember the first day I saw him because it was in my year 1 and I was with a group of friends and one of them, Rita Ezedunor (nee Ajufo), shouted out loud ‘NEPA!’ as he walked by because he was so fair! I found it quite amusing that they were all going on and on about how tall and handsome he was because I was not impressed at all! I think it was the air of confidence he seemed to have that put me off. To me, he just looked ‘full of him-self’ as most ‘Lagos boys’ did back then.

As these things go, he eventually started ‘toasting’ me and after a long time, I agreed. I remember Rita ‘vexing’ with me for ‘pretending’ not to like him and then going off to date him. The funny thing is that much later I found out that he only asked me out to win a bet! Can you beat that? His friend Kingsley had bet him some money that he would not be able to win me over (I was known to be this ‘prudish, fat, Yoruba girl’). He being a ‘Casanova’ did not understand how anyone could refuse him. So he agreed to the bet for a laugh but as God would have it, he fell for me in the process! Yes, the Ibibio James Bond fell for the Ekiti Little Red Riding Hood. Poetic Justice abi? Lol!

How long have you been married?
We just celebrated our 20th anniversary on the 1st of May 2013 so that would make 20 years! I tell you Myne, it is purely a God thing!

How did your husband propose?
As much as I love to read about all the nice, romantic proposals, I did not have one. I think Henry and I had been dating for so long that the only question that came up was ‘When are we getting married?’ But you know there was this time in my year three when he had gone off to the University of Ife to do his one year practical or something. Something terrible had happened to me and I knew he was the only one who could comfort me. I travelled from Uyo to Ife to seek his comfort and when I told him what had happened, he was just so awesome in the way he took the news and treated me. I knew I was right to have gone to him.

The day I was to leave Ife, he accompanied me to the motor park. He bought me a ticket and as I got on the bus all teary eyed, the next thing I knew he was sitting beside me! He had, on the spur of the moment, bought a ticket. He was going to accompany me all the way back to Uyo! I tell you, in my mind, he might as well have just proposed to me because that was the moment I knew I was going to marry this guy!

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
From my experience, I think it is being ‘exactly’ who you are right from the start. I was not and I paid the price. I tried to pretend I could cook, I tried to pretend that’ I was happy with anything he said’, this was a lie so the moment the real me came out, we had issues. As God would have it, over time, I got to a place where I was cool with who I was and not afraid to show him. If he loved me for real, he would still love me, warts and all. Again, as God would have it, he did and still does. But to anyone out there, don’t risk it. Be true to who you are right from the get go. So that when your partner falls in love, they are falling in love with the real you.

But you know Myne, the main key to marriage is for it to be founded on God, the One who established the relationship in the first place. I personally believe that for a marriage to last and be peaceful and fulfilling, at least one of them, the husband or the wife, has to be a believing, practical Christian. A Christian who is committed to letting God have the final say. I say this because even when love is sure, money is flowing, mother in law is an angel and sex is awesome, there is no guarantee that all will be well. How come? Because the devil will still find a way to destroy your marriage for the simple reason that God established it. This thing goes beyond us. We are caught in the middle of a war between God and the devil. The good news is: God pass the devil anytime!

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
Just knowing that no matter how much he annoys me sometimes, he IS there for me. We still do not see eye to eye on some things BUT I know, without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me. Plus the fact that I know he will take a bullet for me and any of our children. Plus, I see now that he is better than me at saying ‘sorry’.

What is the hardest part about being married?
The ‘stooping to conquer’ bit of it. It works but it is so hard. For God to intervene my marriage, I have come to believe that I need to ‘stoop’ so that I can get out of the way so that God can reach over me and touch my mgm when I need him to. Nagging solves nothing. So I pray to God to touch him when I believe he needs to see things differently.

To do that, I need to ‘stoop’ and be patient. When I do, God reaches over me and touches my husband with his own wisdom. If I continue to stand in pride and anger, I block God from moving for me. But Myne, I tell you stooping is hard! To the world, stooping is the same thing as being a ‘mumu’, a doormat, a fool! Still, personally, looking at the stats of my life, ‘stooping’ has worked better for me than nagging or being proud!

Do you have children?
Yes, we have three children and we are so grateful to God for them. They are our three reasons for fighting for all that God has spoken over us as a couple and daily we take them ‘violently’ o!

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Having children saved our marriage! At some point, I believe we would have gone our separate ways but for our children. We might have lost sight of our love for each other but we never lost sight of how much we loved these kids and we did not want to inflict anything on them they did not deserve. At the very beginning, I messed it up a bit being so enthralled by my new status as ‘mom’ and I lost sight of my husband. Any new wife/mom out there, don’t do that!

As soon as the baby comes, carry your husband along! Involve him! Remind him that he is important too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that without my mgm, my kids would not be and that grounds me. Now, even at functions I am conscious of that and try not to let our kids sit in between us! I know, a bit extreme but you never know, a simple message goes a long way! In short, in the event that we stop listening to God, we look at the children he has given us and it brings us to our senses!

Was there a particular challenge that you faced as a couple?
Different libido levels! I am not sure how many times I have asked God if he is having a laugh! Why would he pair me up with this sex maniac! He is not really but compared to me, this is how I saw him. But the truth is that apart from money, the one thing that can negatively impact a relationship is sex or the lack thereof. I cannot lie, it is still a God assisted race for me but what helps me is the knowledge that I truly love this guy and if this makes him happy, then I can and I will. God helping me! Apart from this, I will say this as a warning and an encouragement. Once betrayal sets in, trust is hard to rebuild. But it is possible. So if you have not had to deal with it, Don’t go there! If you have already gone there, then trust me, you can overcome! But know that it will be hard and probably a forever task! Crushed Trust takes a life time to heal.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
To be honest we keep saying it but not sure we have actually done it regularly. But we believe that if we had ‘real date nights’ it would help. Go out on dates and pretend to be meeting each other for the first time. Ask new questions. Dig deeper into each other. Just forget you are married and treat each other like a fresh catch! As part of our 20th anniversary, we are planning on going on a trip together, just us, no kids. That will help. No doubt. My first son was graduating from his A levels in South Africa and our trip to SA for his graduation was our very first alone with no kids. It was superb. We were like new lovers so we know it works! Try it! Often!

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?

Please be ‘real’ from the get go. If you hate the tooth paste being squeezed in the middle, say so! If you don’t like weave on or false eye lashes or the way she chews gum, tell her! Don’t pretend! Be real!

Read the Bible and Pray together. Every day!

Find out what he/she is into and get into it as much as you can. But be honest enough to show that it is not your cup of tea BUT your love for him/her makes you interested.

Talk, talk, talk! Hide nothing! Especially before you get married, discuss everything from the important (will we go to your church? Will we or will we not tithe? ) to the seemingly non-important (will the kids have English or traditional names? Will your brother or mom live with us right after the wedding or not?)

Live ABOVE the ‘Trust line’. This means believe the best of your spouse always. If he says the rice needs salt, the rice just needs salt. It does not mean he does not love you anymore or that you are a terrible cook! If she is running late, it does not mean she has ‘branched’ to spend time with that boss rumour has it is toasting her! Living above the ‘Trust line’ means you will believe the BEST about your partner until otherwise proven wrong.

Please if you are Christian, commit to allowing God have the final say. And remember, sometimes God’s final say will ‘piss’ you off but you need to stick with it! Trust me, he is the ONLY Marriage Counsellor you need. Keep your issues to yourselves. This is my humble opinion!

BE SURE. Be sure that you love ‘the total package, good and not so good’ of this person just as much and as unconditionally as God loves you! Or close!

Ibifiri and Bolaji Kamson - We Make A Good Team

2013-05-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

Ibifiri is the blogger behind Secretlilies, she is also a writer and aspiring author. She writes of herself, "I love motivating people, I love women empowerment, I am a romantic at heart, I love fashion and I love creativity. Things I do: Fashion: Love making handbags. Writing: I love to write, even though I haven't published any novel yet. Reading...I long for days I can lazy about in bed reading a good romance novel. Very relaxing. God: hmmm Love Him. Temi: my knight." Enjoy her marriage avowals;

How did you meet your husband?
After uni we were told that we had to stay at home for an extra year before we could go for youth service, so I decided to be a photographer. Would I say it was fate or what there was an opening in one of the best photo studios in Port Harcourt and I sent my CV, went for the interview and was hired. That's how I meet my husband, turns out the owner of the photo studio was/is my husband. He was scoping me right from the day of my interview..lol

How long have you been married?
25th of October this year, would be 5 years.

How did your husband propose?
He tricked me into going to le Meridan hotel, when I got there, the head staff told me some story that some one asked to see me in the conference room. I wouldn't have gone in the first place but he was so polite that I obliged. Got into the conference room, which already had a romantic setting. I sat down still wondering what it was all about, and wondering who really wanted to see me while thinking that I must have missed the polo tournament. Lo and behold my husband then boyfriend came out from behind the curtains, got down on one knee and proposed. All the staff in the hotel knew about this except me.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
God, honesty, patience, openness and friendship.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
He is someone I can always count on

What is the hardest part about being married?
For me there is nothing hard about being married, so I don't know

Do you have children?
Yes, a lovely, beautiful daughter.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
My husband and I make a good team. Together we have put her on a schedule and we work around it together. So I still do the things I used to when I wasn't a mum and even more, I just plan more. Days I would be busy daddy babysits, days he is busy I do the babysitting. This has made us closer and happier.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples.
Make sure you are friends, honesty is key. Talk about everything from sex to your best colors. It amazes me when married women say they hide things from their husbands. My husband is my best friend and I am his best friend. We don't have any secrets, so beware anything you tell me or him be rest assured that we both know about it.

If you enjoy these series and want to be featured, please contact myne@mynewhitman.com

Folurunsho Alakija on Marriage - Show Your Mother-in-Law Unconditional Love

2013-05-09T05:02:00.000-07:00

Folurunsho Alakija is known as Nigeria's richest woman and probably the richest black woman in Africa and the world. She started her career as a secretary, then after studying fashion design in England, she founded Supreme Stitches, a Nigerian fashion label. She diversified into oil prospecting with her company, Famfa Oil, which owns one of Nigeria's most prolific oil blocks. Speaking recently at her 37th wedding anniversary, she recollected the early years of her marriage and what has kept her and her husband together this long.

It is obvious they started out on a solid footing of love and affection, when her husband insisted on marrying her against his mother's wishes. But it was not an easy road. Hear her;

“My husband’s mother was Igbo, while her dad was from South West here. And because of this, my mother in-law never wanted a Yoruba woman to marry her son. She was not comfortable also with my Muslim background then. She wanted an Igbo daughter in-law, but my husband said it’s me or nothing.

It was a tough battle until God finally prevailed... Whenever she wanted something from my husband and was not getting it immediately, she would start attacking me and saying I’m the one stopping her son from doing her biddings.

It was also an issue when she asked for a baby girl from me and I could not give her. I have four boys in my marriage... At some point, I was encouraged to fight back by my husband, but I refused and kept praying to God to change her.

Despite my mother in-laws opposition towards me, I made sure we took her to US and UK on holidays with us severally and kept showering her with unconditional love. My joy is that we settled before she passed on."

Alakija, ...also challenges husbands, to continually support, provide and pamper their wives with unconditional love and affection.She maintains that these “special secrets” were the ingredient that keeps endearing her darling husband to her, thus helping to renew and strengthen their undying love for each other on a daily basis.

“No marriage survives without love, respect and support from the couple,” she insists.

With husband

With Family - Folurunsho at 60 and 35 wedding anniversary in 2011

“My husband is my best friend, biggest adviser and supporter. We’ve known each other for 40 years and have been married for 37 years now with four boys.

Even though we work in the same office, I always ensure that we kiss twice in a day, morning and night. I still wash his undies until six years ago that he insisted I should stop.

I also prepare his special vegetable dish, does his manicure and pedicure regularly. I also go to the airport to pick him whenever he is returning from foreign trips.

It gives me joy whenever his friends praise my vegetable dish based on what my husband tells them during discussions...” she further discloses with a gentle smile on her famous face, urged women to be loving and submissive to their husbands.

With PSquare and Aliko Dangote

Folurunsho Alakija was part of the presidential delegation [picture above] to the Nigeria-South Africa Business Forum that took place in Cape Town, South Africa recently.

Unyime Ivy King - Communication is The Livewire of A Relationship

2013-05-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

After featuring celebrities for the last few posts, the up close and personal Marriage Avowals from the people around the block are back.

Unyime Ivy King is a wife, mother, and writer. She likes to do everything especially her marriage and writing with passion or not at all. She currently works with Protection Plus Services Limited, a security services company in Lagos, but her passion for writing has taken her through media houses like: Vanguard Media, Daily Times, TW Magazine, and Security & Safety Magazine. She is the author of Burning Hurt, a novel about overcoming pain caused by relationships and blogs at Unyime's Musings. Enjoy her marriage avowals...

1.How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband 16 years ago in Akwa Ibom. I had just finished a training for intending volunteer workers in church and was confused about what unit to join, when this young man approached me and requested that I join his unit, which was the security/protocol unit so that I could work closely with the pastor's wife, whom I have always admired from a distance. I did not hesitate. I joined the unit and over time, we became close.

2. How long have you been married?
We have been married for over 10 years. By September 13th this year, our marriage will be 11years old.

3. How did your husband propose?
I had gone to visit him where he was living at that time with some friends, and we were 'gisting' although I cannot remember now, what the discussion was about, when unexpectedly, from the blues, he popped the question. He was quite nervous, hahahahaha. My response was affirmative, because we shared a very great friendship, and the rest, as they say, is history.

4. What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
After being married for this long, I have realized that what works in one marriage or relationship, may not necessarily work in the other. Personally, I believe that communication is the live wire of every relationship. Once a couple are patient enough to really sit down and iron out issues, and focus on what is right, not who is right, it goes a long way to smoothing the rough edges of the relationship. Without good communication, a couple tend to work on assumptions, and this could be a relationship killer.

5. What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

My most favorite part about being married to my husband, is his ability to sacrifice his own comfort to make me happy; he does not throw it in my face that he is the head of the family, and listens to my own point of view too. When we have disagreements, they do not degenerate to name calling or shouting matches. Instead, after we are done getting upset, we sit down and talk things over. One of the things I really enjoy about being married to my husband, is the great communication we have going on. We can talk about everything and anything. The fact that we share a common faith such that when faced with challenges, we both go on our knees together, is a big plus.

6. What is the hardest part about being married?
The hardest part about being married, for me, is that you are not just thinking about yourself alone, but have to consider your spouse. Unlike being single, when you can just up and leave for any part of the world that catches your fancy, you cannot do that as a married person. Decisions are not made in isolation; husband and wife have to sit down together and agree over a matter, before a decision is arrived at. So, in some ways, marriage slows you down.

7. Do you have children? How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Yes, I have four children, whose ages range from 9, 7, 4, to 2years. Having children has been both positive and challenging as well. Positive in the sense that, the children are our passports into tomorrow, and affords us the opportunity to pour ourselves and our values/principles into these young lives, and nurture them for the future. It's also exciting to see mini mes in the house. Lol

Challenging in the sense that, to a large extent, we cannot have the kind of privacy we used to have when the children had not come. To have privacy as a couple, it has to be planned. One of the factors that have helped me to cope, is good domestic support. I do not ever try to be a 'super mum.' I take help where I can get it, and I have domestic hands, who assist me in taking care of the children so that I am free to do other things; but I keep a close watch over what happens with the children. It also helps that my husband and I are self employed, so this helps me to closely monitor what goes on with the children.

8. What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
My sincere advice to young couples is this: realize that every relationship has times of testing and great challenges. You must make up your minds that you will not allow the challenges to break you, but make you. When you survive the storms, you will emerge stronger and better, as a couple. For those who are dating, I'd say this: You must understand that you are choosing a father or mother for your unborn children. So, you must decide, if you would want your unborn children to be fathered or mothered by that man or woman. Do not date someone who is a law unto himself or herself and is not teachable, because if you marry such a person, you will have mega problems in future. You should date someone who will be humble enough to admit it, when they err.

Diane Oputa on Love and Marriage - Keep it Fresh

2013-02-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

I blogged about them earlier this month after Charly Boy planned a second honeymoon trip for them as a gift for her latest birthday. Now Diane Oputa, Charly Boy's wife has granted an interview in which she talks about being the one to propose to Charly Boy after a few years of dating. She said;

I dated Charles for a few years before I proposed to him to marry me, else I would leave. He was getting too comfortable with just dating me because marriage wasn’t really on his mind. You know, he hasn’t been lucky in that department. During my first visit to Nigeria, I met his wonderful family and it was clear he was coming from a very strict Christian background. His family was a very spiritual one with high sense of morality and values, there was no way some of that wouldn’t have robbed off on Charles. I just fell in love with him and his close knit family. Since then, they have been ever so kind and loving to me. I just thank God.

Read the rest of the interview below;

What was the thing that attracted you to him when you first met him?
His uniqueness of course, and the fact that he is a gentle man, very sensitive, passionate, loving and a giving person. I must also add intriguing and adventurous because that was the first thing I noticed about him.

People say there is a whole lot of difference between courting and marriage; did you experience that in yours?
If people are saying that, then they are sure right. There is a big difference between courting and marriage. As boyfriend and girlfriend, you don’t have much responsibilities, you stay just focused on each other. After marriage comes a lot of responsibilities, children, in-laws, income, bills and a lot more. Marriage is a time to take charge and be serious, it is no longer a play thing. But if you have managed to be friends during courtship years, it makes the journey a bit easy. Courtship is playful, marriage is serious business. That is just the simple truth.

Have your trust for him ever wobbled, like maybe he is unfaithful?
As entertainers at the early stages, it wasn’t easy but as time passed by I began to see things for what they really are. Because we are always in the limelight, we attract all sorts of people, but experience will always teach us how to deal with things. Charles is not lacking in that area. Well, my trust for him may have wobbled in our first few years but I have long since figured out where his mind, soul and head is and I am comfortable with that knowledge.

Have you ever feared he will leave you considering his history?
I have been most lucky in all of this, considering that I am coming from miles away, no brothers, no sisters, no family, except the Oputas and my friend Charles who sometimes fills in as a the brother I never had. Yes, it could be scary sometimes, but for some reasons those thoughts never took over my mind.

You have been together for thirty-six years, is there any secret behind this bond?
Charles is my best friend, our friendship came before marriage. I sure don’t have all the answers. What even works for me may not work for you, but what I do know is that, we are two individuals determined to make our relationship work. We talk a lot in our marriage, Charles is the first to say sorry when he goofs. He is so sensitive when it comes to my feelings, but above all, I think we are just two very good friends who have refused to grow up and who have sworn to watch out for one another.

Be sincere, have you ever woken up and felt you were done with the whole thing? Don’t you get tired and bored sometimes?
Being fulfilled in one’s marriage is guaranteed when your spouse is supportive, understanding, and sensitive to your feeling, always looking for creative ways to keep the spark in the marriage. I will just say that I am lucky and I thank God for that. No regrets.

Is there still romance in your relationship? Does your husband still look at you the way he did thirty six years ago?
Charles is an unrepentant romantic person, even though he hides that part of himself from public. He knows that I love romance and often makes the plan for such rendezvous. Being married for over three decades can become boring if you don’t work at it. We sure work at it because for us, this is it. That is why we try to keep it as youthful and fresh as we can. It is not easy but we are determined.

Has anything changed fin the last thirty-six years?
Life is always changing, nothing stays the same. We inspire growth in our relationship. He is like a fine wine, tasteful with age.

Source

AY and Mabel Makun on Marriage - Follow Your Heart

2013-02-15T02:06:00.000-08:00

How long have you both been married?

Mabel: We got married in 2008. That was five years ago.

How tough was the wooing process and how long did it take for her to accept to be your girl?

AY: There was actually no such thing as wooing process when I met her. All I wanted was for her to be a part of the beauty contest that I was organising. I was still a student and even continued with the pageants after graduation from the Delta State University. She did not waste any time in turning me down because she was a fresh student who was busy going about her activities on campus. We soon became friends the following year, we clicked naturally. In the last eight years, she has been my best friend, girlfriend, wife, soul mate and baby mama.

What attracted you to AY?

Mabel: When I got admission into the Delta State University, I started hearing about a guy called, Ayo Makun, who was the organiser of The Most Beautiful Girl in DELSU pageant and DELSU Achievers Merit Awards. When I finally met him, I realised that apart from been a very hardworking man, he was also very talented and intelligent. I also found out that he lost his parents while he was still in school, but managed to stay focused while he saw himself and his siblings through school. That simply became an irresistible attraction.

Apart from being his wife, what else do you do?

Mabel: I am a trained business administrator and a director with Corporate World Entertainment LTD. I also run an interior company known as Midas Interiors Ltd. It was an interior business I started in 2011, but my immediate concentration on family life has not allowed me give it the fullest attention.

AY and Mabel with Daughter

How do you cope as a comedian’s wife knowing that he gets a lot of female attention? Do you sometimes get scared that he might give in to temptation?

Mabel: There is nothing much about been a celebrity’s wife. As for my husband, getting a lot of attention as a celebrity from the opposite sex is normal and it is only natural for me to feel funny sometimes. But I sometimes get some form of reassurance knowing full well that he has the fear of God. I always pray that God would give him the grace to overcome any form of temptation that comes his way.

Your wife is beautiful; do you sometimes grow cold feet knowing that quite a number of men would do anything to have her?

AY: I have always acknowledged the fact that my wife is adorable. She gets to hear me say that to her at any given opportunity. I honestly don’t grow cold feet because of any devourer. More importantly, my trust for her has formed the treasure and mental framework of our daily lives.

During courtship and before marriage, did you face any opposition from any quarters especially based on tribe?

AY: We did not face any form of opposition from any quarters; we got unreserved encouragement and blessings from our families.

How do you both cope coming from different tribes?

AY: As a matter of fact, we hardly remember that we are both from different tribes. We are now living in a generation where a lot of families are beginning to connect with that fact. The most important thing is for you to follow your heart and enjoy a relationship that is founded on love, communication and understanding.

You are one of the very few entertainers who find delight in flaunting their wives at public gatherings. Is it deliberate and what is the rationale behind it?

AY: I really don’t know if flaunting is the right word to use, but if you are talking about me taking or carrying my wife along in all that I do, I will say it is an acknowledgement of the fact that the two of us have become one. Apart from being logical, it is always good to take your wife out and keep the matrimonial flame alive. So anytime you see my wife and I at any event, just know that I am dating her all over again.

How have you both managed to keep your home especially with the high rate of divorce among celebrity couples?

Y: We thank God for keeping our home. We honestly cannot share the glory with God. He has given us the wisdom to always learn how to uncover issues. Whenever there is a misunderstanding between the both of us, we talk about it and apologise to each other.

Do you involve a third party to settle your marital disputes?

Mabel: Bringing in a third party into your relationship is not the best. Although I remember doing that once, but the third party we are talking about wasn’t just anybody but someone that is highly regarded by us.

How do you settle quarrels with her?

AY: I am not too proud to beg. I always apologise whenever I am wrong

How do you both rekindle your love?

Mabel: The only time that happens is when there is a misunderstanding but once we settle it everything goes back to normal.

What is the greatest challenge you have ever faced since you married AY and how did you resolve it?

Mabel: That would be staying at home alone whenever he travels for events. Apart from the fact that I get really bored whenever he is not around, I also worry about his safety but thank God for His grace all these years.

You are known to spoil your wife with expensive gifts, how often does she reciprocate?

AY: Yes I buy my wife expensive gifts and she does same too in her own capacity, the most expensive gift I’ve gotten from her was a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes she got for me last year as an anniversary gift.

How do you both unwind?

Mabel: It all depends on the kind of relaxation that we both crave for. We may go on boat cruises to some private beaches, stay indoors to watch movies, go to the spa for massage.

PunchNg

Julius and IB Agwu on Marriage - Don't Bottle Issues

2013-02-13T04:09:00.000-08:00

Julius Agwu, a comedian/musician, has been married to his wife, Ibiere for five years and they have a daughter, Zahra. They talk about their marriage in this interview, and personally, I think this is quite honest, the way they engaged with the interviewer's questions.

You have been married for five years. How has the journey been like?

Ibiere: It has been good.

How did you meet?

Julius: We met at a wedding in year 2000; she was part of the bridal train. Incidentally, Okey Bakassi and I were the comperes at the event, and both of us competed on who would be the first to ask her out. I made the first move but she was too little, she was underage.

Ibiere (cuts in): I was 18, I was not underage.

Julius Agwu: Well, she was 18 but she was a baby. I just saw one beautiful girl. I was smarter, I was faster, and I was able to get her contact. We became friends but she started putting up an attitude whenever I tried reaching her. At a point, I called her bluff and wondered who she was. In fact, I forgot about her.

Ibiere, why did you put up an attitude?

Ibiere: I was not putting up any attitude, I just concentrated on my books, then, I was in my first year in the university.

Was your attitude as a result of his profession as a comedian?

Ibiere: The fact that he is a comedian had nothing to do with my decision, I wasn’t just interested.

So, at what point did you change your mind and show interest?

Ibiere: After the first meeting, we lost contact for two years; we met later and became friends.

When you met her later, what was your reaction?

Julius: I met her two years later in 2002 when I lost my father. I was very angry because at that period, my career was just kicking off. The day he died, I went to Chioba, my village to settle his hospital bills. On getting there, I saw a crowd of mourners at our gate. I was so angry that I made up my mind to drink myself to stupor. I went to a town in Port Harcourt to have drinks with some friends who had come to commiserate with me.

When I left our table for the toilet, I ran into her on the corridor. She informed me that it was the eve of her birthday and she had come out for some drinks with her friends. I informed her that I had just lost my father. We moved from there to another club and since it was her birthday, I decided to buy drinks for everybody. After all the money I spent at the club, they wanted to leave. So, I asked her, “are you leaving without even giving me a kiss?” She said, for what?’ I realised she was still putting up an attitude and that got me very angry. This was in addition to the fact that I was tipsy.

Again, I called her bluff. During my father’s burial, she came, but she was still a baby because she still had her curfew and she was not supposed to stay out late. But I was impressed that she made out time to visit me.

At what point did it occur to you that he might propose?

Ibiere: At no point, when he proposed, I was not actually thinking about marriage because I had just graduated and was not even thinking of marriage.

But Julius, do you agree that part of this attraction could be the fact that she was not really interested?

Julius: One thing about me is that I like to have my way. I have always had my way and she posed a challenge for me through her lack of interest. But I did not just see a beautiful girl, I saw someone who was intelligent and stern. She was principled from the outset. She is actually my greatest critic.

Since he is a jovial person and makes money out of telling jokes, are there times you expect him to be serious about some issues and he is not?

Ibiere: He knows when I want him to be serious and he sees it on my face. Most times, I don’t even need to say anything, I just look at him and he knows I mean business. Also, I know when he is serious. When I see his facial expression I know.

His job entails a lot of publicity. How do you deal with that especially being with him almost at every event?

Ibiere: I am always with him but I am not in the public glare because I don’t bring myself out there to be seen. I am always in the background.

Do you laugh at his jokes when he is on stage?

Ibiere: If it is funny I laugh, if it is not I don’t laugh.

You must really enjoy his jovial nature?

Ibiere: He could be very annoying; forget all these things he does on stage. He gets me annoyed.

At home?

Ibiere: Not even at home.

What does he do to annoy you? (At this point, the couple stared hard at each other).

Ibiere: What does he do to annoy me? Hmm… I don’t want to go there.

Julius: Go there now.

What does she do to make you angry?

Julius: She is an introvert; most times I am the one who would ask, ‘are you okay? What is the problem?’ She would just keep to herself and that really gets at me. Sometimes, I would expect her to ask me how I am faring but she never does. Though I like the fact that she really doesn’t have friends; but I still don’t like the way she treats me. Before we got married she would ask me, ‘baby, have you eaten? Try and eat something please.’ Since we got married, she has not bothered to ask me if I have eaten! These days, I have to beg her to ask me if I have eaten. Is this true?

Ibiere: No. It is not true.

Julius and IB Agwu with Daughter

When was the last time you asked him if he had eaten?

Ibiere: I asked him day before yesterday.

Julius: When was the last time before the day before yesterday?

How do you settle fights?

Ibiere: We fight until one of us is tired; usually he is the one who gets tired first.

Is it true?

Julius: It is true. The kind of job I do is to give laughter and joy. So, each time we quarrel, I don’t feel comfortable, I can’t claim to give people joy when I am not happy. I thought I was an expert at keeping malice until I met her.

Ibiere: You are worse than me. I might not be happy but if I am angry, I can still talk to him but if he is angry, he can go on and would not even say a word to anybody.

Has your bond grown stronger?

Both: Yes it has. Funny enough it has.

What has kept your marriage?

Julius: We just decided that we would not engage in stupid quarrels.

Ibiere: Before the situation gets to the stage of quarrelling, we speak about our feelings instead of bottling up issues.

Source - Punch Online

Alero Roberts on Marriage - Marry your Friend

2012-12-31T10:10:00.000-08:00

Being a doctor, wife, mother, teacher, relationship expert and columnist with Genevieve magazine, Dr Alero proves that love, understanding, patience and wisdom are the basics for maintaining a good marriage.

Definition of Marriage: For me, marriage is exactly what the Manufacturer planned it to be: there’s the man and then the wife, who is designed to be a ‘help-mate’ for the man she marries. Think of the head and neck relationship; he’s the head and she’s the neck, separate yet inseparable, distinctly different and yet inextricably intertwined. He’s the leader but she gives him permission to lead and shows him where to lead.

How they Met: I met my husband Dr Seyi Roberts in ward A2 at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) on the morning of Monday, 8th of November, 1982. It was a consultant’s ward round and it was my first day of Neurology posting. He was a senior registrar just returned from his year’s training in Harvard. It was sparks all the way! I thought he was an over-rated, arrogant, bumptious creep and he thought I was a little miss ‘know-it-all’, too big for my boots!

The Proposal: Anyway, long story short… we were married within two-and-a-half years, although I’m still not sure if he actually proposed. On our fourth date, which was more like a one-on-one tutorial, he sort of said, “You are exactly the person I want as the mother of my children!” And I kind of answered, “Oh… Okay.” But to be fair, he courted me the old fashioned way and I got the flowers, candle lit dinners and chocolate galore and four (wonderful) children.

Marriage so Far: Our initial opinions of each other have been reversed. I must confess that having Damola with Down’s Syndrome made us focus our energies on him and the other children, which meant that we felt united in a common cause – to ensure that he had a good quality of life. That meant we were more often pulling as a team and not nit-picking each other’s fault.

Building a Family: However, the main challenges in our marriage have been about finances really. I had three children in three years and Seyi was elated. I remember he was like a little boy on Christmas morning when each child popped out (and yes! He was there in the delivery room each time). But then we had the fourth, he got worried. One of the most effective contraceptives I know… the cost of SCHOOL FEES!

Is there a Manual to Marriage?: Seyi is a great DIY (Do-It-Yourself) person and as with every appliance, tool and device we get, he always has the manufacturer’s manual handy. The same goes for our marriage; we consult the Manufacturer’s ‘manual’ and regularly return the marriage to the factory for ‘servicing’ and ‘overhauling’(laughing). We try to fill in the gaps and cover the lapses as quickly as possible.

One of the biggest misconceptions people have about marriage is that life owes us a good time, meaning that we are somehow entitled to a good life, fulfilling relationships, fantastic jobs, great husbands and achieved children. I really do not know where or how people form these misconceived ideas. So who then has to marry the man who does not have a super duper job, or the one who lives in a dense neighborhood or who will have children who come bottom of the class? Get real! We all have dreams and aspirations and the guess what? Life happens.

To the brides-to-be and their knights in shining armour, smell the roses, smell the coffee and remember that when the shining armour comes off, the knight will have a whiff of body odour, feet of clay, blind spots here and there, be intensely dense about the finer points of a lady’s needs, still want hot dinner, cold beer and Saturdays out with the boys. But hey, so what?! He will also love and cherish you. Make sure he gives you what you need to get dinner on the table and beer into the fridge and work all the hours God gives to ensure the children’s fees are paid as long as he gets a little space to watch Arsenal, Chelsea, Man U, etc on TV or at the viewing centre with ‘the boys.’

Women Empowerment and Sex: Women have recognised that they need to become, and remain economically empowered. When girls grow up seeing their female relations disenfranchised in marital relationships, they don’t have to be rocket scientists to realise that they need to have better than average income generating skills to ensure the same doesn’t happen to them.

The latest development of the desire to ‘play the field’ is not something I’m outraged about, as my profession allows me exposure to the seamy undersides of human behaviour and the desire to ‘sample variety’ or simply ‘put the spice back into our marriage.’ This is universal and more widespread than we think.

Now, on if it is right to ‘Do it’ before the “I do,” let’s be honest, sex complicates matters when it is the focus, rather than when it takes its natural place within a marriage. Seyi always says, “In a good marriage, sex contributes 10% but in a bad marriage, it suddenly contributes 90%.” I can now see how true that is!

Final Words: Before my wedding, my parents’ advice to me was to be patient and not jump to conclusions – from my dad and from my mum it was to “always make sure dinner is available.” But I would say the secret to a more lasting marriage, honestly is, “Less of me and more of Thee, Lord.” Also both my mothers were right when they said, “At the end of the day, it certainly remains patience and wisdom that work in favour of any marriage,” oh yes! And marry your friend.

________

Click their names to read the feature on Betty Irabor and Joke Silva.

Source - www.genevieveng.com

Betty Irabor on Marriage - It takes Two

2012-12-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

Being the Editor-in-chief of one of the largest selling magazines in Nigeria isn’t Betty’s greatest achievement; nabbing one of the best men in the world, giving him children and keeping her family together is.

On her Wedding Day: My wedding day was the happiest day of my life! All my sisters and friends were around to assist me in planning; it was a lot of fun. Thinking about it now, I remember feeling a bit of the wedding jitters, mostly because I was told one of Soni’s ex girls was planning to ‘storm’ the wedding; she ended up not showing up and it turned out to be the very perfect day.

Funnily enough, my wedding dress gave me a headache because the blouse just did not sit right. It had a funny shape and people kept adjusting it for me but I kept telling them it was the style. It cost me less than N30,000 which included shoes, bag and other extras. I no longer have it, but Sonia my daughter, would not have appreciated it if I passed it to her anyway.

Marriage so Far: There’s still a lot of sparks although I didn’t like him much when I first met him. I really wasn’t impressed by the fact that he came across as a ladies’ man; he always had girls dripping from his arms (even though I was never short of suitors myself), but I figured it had to be because he was a TV personality. The very first time I saw him, he had on a white suit and had bushy hair and I remember thinking, “really?” But again I thought, “not bad…” because he had a warm smile although I didn’t get to know him until a few years after I first sighted him.

A Husband as a Cheerleader: He is kind, self-giving and tolerates my excesses. Honestly, only a tolerant man like him could have married me; I am too stubborn. I always tend to want things my way. If I hadn’t married Soni, my destiny perhaps would probably have been diverted; he got me interested in the media. When I met him, I was a rookie PR girl who was totally clueless about an assignment I needed to deliver. He just happened to have saved the day for me and it was like payback time when he asked me out. He was in a relationship but I charmed my way into his heart. That was the beginning of a relationship that ended in a marriage 9 months after that first date.

I have to say this: I don’t know many men who believe in their wives’ abilities like Soni. He is my biggest cheerleader and my children of course. When I decided to go into publishing, he gave me all the support I needed even though neither of us knew what it entailed. When I feel I am hitting rock bottom, he would sweet-talk me into my strength. I am always amused when he goes: “Do you know who you are? You are Betty Irabor!”

He would then begin to roll out my list of achievements until I am good to go again. Soni is not easily fazed by challenges; he is an optimist and I am learning to tap into his optimism. Recounting my story, I feel lucky and blessed; I’m always grateful for the way my life has turned out with my husband and my children. We had some anxious moments when we had to wait six years on that ‘street called hope’ for our daughter, after the birth of our son, Ruyi, but we never got to the stage of trading blames. I have a great relationship with my husband and it’s only getting better.

When the Love Bank is on red: We do have our roforofo moments but we work it out. A marriage where couples don’t communicate and bear grudges is likely to be an unhappy one. Talk it over and don’t keep digging up the past. Forgive…forgive…forgive. What I know for sure is that Christ is the foundation of a good marriage. Having said that, I would like to add that when the time comes for anyone to choose a life partner, choose a partner who is not embarrassed to say “I am sorry” when he is wrong and never makes you feel small so he can appear taller. Marry for all the right reasons and never for what you can get out of it when you haven’t put anything in.

Marriage takes Two: They say the future of a marriage lies in the hands of the woman but I say it takes two. Marriage is one of the world’s biggest collabs between two strangers. It has no manual; you learn on the job. It’s no surprise that given the chance I would choose my husband all over again; I already did with the renewal of our vows 12 years after our first wedding. We have our differences but after 28 years, you find a formula that works.

________

I first featured Betty and Soni Irabor in the Nigeria Power Couples piece.

Source - www.genevieveng.com

Joke Silva on Marriage - The Man can be Vulnerable too

2012-12-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

Over the next few weeks as December wedding season progresses, I'll be running a series first featured on Genevieve Magazine about three friends, three weddings and three marriages of 20+ years. I'll start off with Joke Silva, that doyen of the Nigerian movie industry, and her husband, actor, Olu Jacobs.

The Proposal: Olu and I dated for a couple of years before we got married. I remember he proposed when we went for dinner and a Greek meal was served. I think he got the people in the restaurant involved in the whole arrangement; oh…it was just so romantic! He was living in England at the time though, so that was their custom and he was used to it.

The first years of the relationship: When I first met Olu, he was this dashing guy. He was just such incredible fun! We got along very well. I didn’t even know his age; I thought maybe he was in his late twenties, early thirties. I screamed when I found out his age. He was 39 and I was 20! Well, eventually it was my mum who gave me the go ahead because she saw how serious I was with him and hadn’t seen me that serious with anyone. My dad was worried about the age difference but my mum was able to make him see reasons. She also had the background of her mum being much younger than her dad and didn’t really see a problem with it. She felt it was something I could handle.

The Wedding: Our wedding attire??? Betty keeps saying we wore costumes.You know, my husband’s outfit was made from aso-oke and had a cape! A friend even teased us saying instead of the bride’s outfit to have a cape it is the husband’s that had a cape. It had always been what he wanted to wear on his wedding day. He told Sophisticat exactly what he wanted and he designed it for him. A cousin of mine got married earlier and her dress was made with lace and aso-oke and I loved it. So I felt that if he was going to come in aso-oke, then that was what I would wear. We were very happy with what we wore so we were really surprised when everyone went on and on about it.

Talking about our marriage, we are 26 years in it and it has been quite a journey. There were rumours about us considering divorce. It’s not like we actually separated but I must confess we were so close to it; it was really a tough time for both of us being a media couple. When you are not in the face of the media,it’s easier to resolve your differences, but when you are, it’s almost like you are not staying together for YOU because you are wondering, “What would people say?” And this mounts pressure.

But I have to confess, I thank God for good friends because they talked to each party and brought solutions that I never thought were solutions. On my side, the solution that I was given was that I just had to take everything to God. I had to become someone that goes to Christ and nowhere else. Then I came to realise the true meaning of this verse in the Bible that says, “The plans He has for us are plans of good and not of evil.” I just started seeing it come into my home and I was like, “Is this the same home?”

I have still not got over my birthday celebration and the renewal of my marital vows! My friends put everything together. They didn’t even let me spend a kobo. They went to the different associations I belong to and they were all willing to be a big part of the whole thing. There was so much love.

I walked into Freedom Park and I just burst into tears; I was crying the whole day. They were also able to talk to Olu. I started crying when I was told he loved the idea of the renewal of our vows. The Lord was actually talking to me on how the whole thing should go. He even put the songs we were going to use for that day in my heart. My tears started from when the band began playing the song, Tumigbe; that was the song I walked down the aisle with. The song was just so meaningful because it spoke to our situation and said,“Forgive me for everything I have done and let it all remain in the past.” It was a new page; a fresh start. Throughout the journey, there have been some memories that time and tide can’t seem to wash away.

My son will hate me for this, but I remember when my son was born, he looked like a chick! He was all chest, just like frozen chicken. He has incredible broad shoulders just like his dad. Then Gbenga came 11 years after. He put me through hell in terms of the pregnancy. I hadn’t had any pregnancy that difficult. We lost our first child and 3 years later, Gbenga came.

When I attend weddings of young folks nowadays, I am usually upset by the sermon because having had the experience of my marriage and friends’ marriages too, I find it very irritating and annoying when pastors say, “Now, make sure you take care of your husbands.” I just wish they can make everything equal. They make it seem like the entire marriage is on the woman and that is wrong! I think putting the Lord in your marriage is the bottom line and both parties have their parts to play (50-50) and I would expect that when the pastor or priest is talking, they should sound that way.

There’s a lot of societal pressure that makes men not be themselves. A man should be allowed to be vulnerable, strong, supportive, sometimes challenged and needing somebody to help him through and he should also be there for the person as well. On a parting note, for those couples about to jump the broom, go ahead and do it! Go in and enjoy each other; enjoy every moment of your marriage.

________

I first featured Joke Silva and Olu Jacobs in the Nigeria Power Couples piece.

Source - www.genevieveng.com

Eldee on Love, Marriage, Family and Celebrity

2012-10-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lanre Dabiri, or eLDee the Don as he is more popularly known, is a Nigerian music star and was featured on the BN weekend interview where he spoke about his marriage and family. I was intrigued enough to want to know more. I found that BN had also covered his wedding and I was impressed enough by their story to share.

Wedding Story - eLDee (Lanre Dabiri) and his long-term sweetie, Dolapo Latinwo-BeloThe couple have been together for about a decade. They started dating during their days as students of the University of Lagos. Eldee is a graduate of Architecture while Dolapo studied Urban & Regional Planning. The couple has grown together through their various successes and life changes. As Lanre’s musical career blossomed they still kept the romance alive. Distance also didn’t deter them as over the past few years, eLDee was based in Atlanta, USA while Dolapo was based in the UK.

INTERVIEW

Tell me about your wife. When did you meet her and how does she cope with the demands of your career?
I met my wife in 1998 just as I was about to get into music. She has been a part of it from the beginning so she gets it. Nothing really changed when we got married; it was just business as usual. She is very supportive.

And your cute daughter. How old is she now? Does she “get it” too?
She is two. She is beginning to understand the demands of my career, that I travel often which makes me sad. When I come into the house, she’s be like “Are you travelling?” And I’m like “Yes”. Then she’d say “When are you coming back”. It’s not the best of things which is why I’m hoping I can settle down and do less of the artiste stuff and more of the management stuff so that I can spend more time with her.

Let’s get back to your wife please. I know you guys have had a wonderful and long relationship. What has made your relationship survive the test of time?
We understand each other. We are friends before anything so that helps to keep things together. We are buddies. My wife and I can stay in the house for up to a month without seeing anybody else and we’d have conversations everyday and we’d not fight once. We’d chill, gist, abuse each other, laugh, play rough… that is the kind of relationship that we have.

Tell me about something romantic she has done for you recently.
She does something everyday, really. How many men can brag that they eat breakfast in bed in Nigeria? I don’t know if that is very common but that is my wife. She is the best.

There is usually a lot of pressure on celebrity couples with many people watching to see if their marriages would survive the test of time. You’ve been married for almost four years now. What is your secret to a scandal free relationship?
If you’re not out there messing about, it would be difficult for people to pin stuff on you. If somebody wants to create controversy for you and you are not that kind of person, it would be clear. The other time, somebody tried to play a scandal with me and Mo’Cheddah but we both laughed about it. I’m not the guy who leaves the club with girls, I’m not the kind of guy who has girls flocking around my studio. That is not my style. There is no smoke without fire, if you are not naturally somebody who is into drug sex or alcohol in a negative way, nobody would be able to pin stuff on you. And I think that is why nobody has been able to pin stuff on me because that is not my lifestyle.

Sources, Bellanaija eLDee Interview and Wedding Story. I wish them the best of love and marriage, a demanding career is not easy on any relationship, especially when you are in the public eye too.

Chioma and Tita Obii-Obioha - Take Time for Romance

2012-02-27T05:30:00.000-08:00

Today's guest is Chioma of Love. 'n Words.com. She says of one of the reasons she started her blog, "my family will tell you that I am a hopeless romantic. I love love LOVE “love” and coming up with little romantic ideas. So, I figured that I would channel all that romantic energy to a blog that celebrates love and romance in a fun and passionate way." She is currently running a series of thank you's to her husband as a pledge to Twenty days of Good Good Lovin'. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

1. How We Met:
Funny Story...My husband and I have actually known each other pretty much all our lives, but we never ever spoke. We had some mutual friends and acquaintances, grew up in the same city (Aba) and even went to the same church. Our parents were friendly with each other as well but we never made that connection. That all changed when we all went home to Nigeria for Christmas in 2006. His parents were celebrating a marriage milestone and had a celebratory event which my mom and siblings went to. I was often the last one to go home because the semester always ended late for me. As a result, I was unable to attend the event.

My sisters spoke with his brothers and met him there as well. Fast forward several days and it was time for my sister, Ure, to leave Nigeria and return to the US. While waiting in line at the airport, who does she see? Him! She immediately went up to him to strike up a conversation and realized that he and I lived in New Jersey. She immediately gave him my cell phone number and recommended that we speak. She didn't necessarily intend for us to have romantic relationship; she just thought it would be a good idea to strike up a friendship with someone from home.

Alas, my cell phone was stolen on that trip. So, there was no way for him to get in touch with me when I got back from Nigeria in January. When I spoke with Ure, she suggested that I give him a call with my apartment phone. I was very hesitant because, even though I truly only intended to call him as an acquaintance, I didn't want to give him the impression that I was calling because I like him. It just wasn't my type of thing. However, I pushed my misgivings aside and gave him a call. That first call lasted more than 2 hours, and we began to stay in touch with each other off and on from then. Eventually, our conversations became more and more frequent and we finally went out to the movies together.

We still didn't make it anything "official" until I went home for Christmas again. While there, he said that he missed me like crazy and expected me to call him often. Again, because I wasn't sure what we were and didn't want to give him reason to think I liked him too much (even though I really did ), I didn't call him for the 3 weeks or so I was there. He later told me that he drove himself crazy waiting for my calls everyday and even hearing about me from some mutual friends and acquaintances.

Upon my return, he wasted no time in taking me out on a date - and this time, it was absolutely clear that it was a date. Not too long after, he made it "official" (which I love. I love when men are chivalrous in that way) and here, we are today. He was my first boyfriend and my first love because I had never really let anyone in before. It has been an amazing journey.

2. We've been married since July 2011, so we're definitely still newly weds.
We plan to keep our "newly wed fever" for the rest of our lives, by God's grace. We believe that if we've been able to stay so fascinated with and in love with each other after all those years of dating, we can stay the same way in our marriage. We pray for God's grace.

3. How He Proposed:
He proposed in a waterfront restaurant. It was particularly sweet because he proposed in the restaurant he took me to on our first real date. Also, he had asked me to put together a dinner with many of my closest friends who have become his good friends, too. I still cannot believe that he had the ring around the entire time and I had absolutely no clue. His surprise was nearly messed up by our waiter, though. He had called the restaurant ahead of time to tell them what he intended to do, and the waiter nearly let the cat out of the bag. It definitely made me a little suspicious, but to actually have that moment happen the way it did was breath taking.

He started by talking to me and whispering sweet words but I thought nothing of it because he did that all the time. Then, he told me to dare him to stand and tell the whole table what I meant to him. A little suspicious but also knowing that he hates giving public speeches, I dared him. He stood up, began to talk and the turned to me and said, "I'd like to ask for your hand in marriage!" When he got down on one knee with the ring, I was shaking and my face was covered. It took me so long to say, "Yes," that he nervously put the ring on my right hand. I immediately gave him a huge hug and a kiss and my friends and his brother went wild! I wouldn't change it for the world.

4. Favorite Part of Being Married to My Husband:
How can I count all the ways? I love the fact that every day I wake up, I know that I belong to someone absolutely and he belongs to me. I love the way he puts me first in everything he does. I love the fact that my happiness is his priority. I love the fact that we have committed ourselves to each for the rest of my life - that, no matter what, we both have someone in our corner. He is exactly what I prayed for!

5. Hardest Part of Being Married:
Again, how can I count all the ways? LOL. Just Kidding! For me, it has been letting go of several personal misgivings from childhood/the past that I have carried with me. For instance, when we argue or don't agree about something, it's easy for me to forget all the good things he has done and focus on that one mistake he has made or to forget how much he loves me and immediately focus on that one moment. As he always tells me, "I love you and I am not your enemy. When we don't agree or I do something you don't like, it doesn't mean I don't love you. Don't forget all the other great things I do." Many times, baggage from the past (be it childhood, previous relationships, what you've seen from your parents, etc.) can be difficult to overcome, but with prayer, God's grace and the right partner, healing is possible. It's always a journey, but it's possible.

6. Children:
We don't have children yet. We decided to take just a little bit of time to enjoy being married, have some fun and settle down before we have children.

7. The Key to a happy relationship:
I'm always still learning, but I think it's important to keep the friendship going. I think husband and wife have to be best friends and partners who truly enjoy each other's company. Communication is also extremely important. Again, I'm still learning because I'm not always great at expressing things that bother me, but it's extremely important. Also, take time for romance and touch. Those little "I love you"s and little touches and kisses done daily really matter. Finally, at least for us, keep God where He belongs - right at the center. When all other counsel fails, His never does!

Hazel Muses - Keep the flames burning…no matter what!

2012-02-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

My guest today is Hazel Muses of 21st Century Career Mom. In addition she is the CEO of Beddings and Beyond. On her profile she says, "I love life. I love God. I never want to take both for granted." What I love about Hazel's blogs are how down to earth they usually are, about marriage and about family. They show she doesn't take her wife and mother roles for granted either, but at the same time, she makes time to catch some fun. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband in Uni, in my second year of Pharmacy school. Curiosity cost him his freedom. You see, his best friend at that time had a love interest, who also happened to be my room-mate. On this very slow day in school, the duo dared me to a drinking match [match being an exaggeration seeing as the dare was that i get through one bottle of Guiness Stout and come out coherent]. I took them up. Who wouldn’t?

There was money involved...plus i had the utmost confidence in my body’s capacity to handle alcohol. Forget that i had never tasted alcohol prior to that day. To cut a long story short, half the bottle of Stout did the damage. I was half-dragged-half-carried back to my room. My hubby came with his friend later that evening to see the girl who couldn’t handle a bottle of Stout. I like to believe that as soon as he clapped his eyes on me, his fate was sealed! I’m a bubbly spirit.

How long have you been married?
We’ve been married for 5 years, February 17th.

How did your husband propose?
His proposal was without drama really. We had talked about marriage so much i knew a proposal was in the offing and on the day it came, i wasn’t particularly surprised. He had been on the phone all day, edgy and quite restless, asking someone when the flight was coming in and how were they to hook up for him to collect the package. That and the fact that he’s been browsing engagement ring sites enthusiastically for a few weeks leading up to that day [he didn’t know i knew]. And so, when he came that evening, stooped besides me, clumsy as heck [he didn’t even kneel...smh], started extolling my virtues and reiterating how much he’ll be lost without me, i prompted him along with an “Ask me already!”. He did. I said yes. We both collapsed with relief. The rest is history.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
I love how he loves me. That is the best thing about being married to him.

What is the hardest part about being married?
When he puts his feet down on an issue and thinks his opinion is all that matters and nothing i say or do can change it [but i try...where there’s a will, there’s a way]. That and having to clean up after him. It’s ridiculously amazing how someone that used to be so organized prior to marriage morphs into a complete slob after marriage! His defence: God knew he couldn’t take care of myself and that was why i was sent along. Smh

Do you have children?
I do. Two munchkins. Oh, and my husband. So yea, i have 3 kids!

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
The very first moment I saw my first-born child, I vividly remember thinking that life as I know it, was over. Somehow, I knew my life was never going to be same again. And it hasn’t been the same ever since. Before the kids, I had a great social life. My hubby and I, we hung out a lot. He loves to socialize and at some point, he had this job where 70% of his JD required him hanging out.

Since the kids, my social life is pretty much non-existent. I unduly stress over their wellbeing to truly enjoy a night out. Taking care of children requires a lesson in patience…especially with the pair I’ve got. I used to think my husband was strong willed [translate: extremely stubborn] until I met my son. My daughter is quickly towing that line. And so after a long day at work, a few hours after work spent doing homework and brokering peace between my ever-bickering duo, I’m so exhausted. So yea, the sex life takes a hit every once in a while.

Having kids stretches you thin but they are the best things that could ever happen to most marriages. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world….except maybe for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. They complete us.

How do we cope: Some days, we just shut them out and have some ‘us’ time. Once in a few months, we schedule break-out weekends. And when we can, we ship them off to their Grandma’s place for a few weeks. Ultimately, we stay committed to finding a balance. The bedrock of our marriage has always been: Keep the flames burning…no matter what!

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Communication, in my opinion, is the key to a successful marriage. Being able to communicate your joys, pains, grievances, challenges, frustrations, dreams to your partner goes a long way in building a strong marriage.

I’m not very good at expressing/vocalising my feelings and it caused many a rift in my first year of marriage. Days when I feel like he wronged me, I never tell him. I just assume he should know and understand how bad he hurt me. So instead, I would hold the hurt in and sometimes, it festered into resentment. We would go for days without so much as a ‘Hi’ to each other. I would hurt…and so would he.

I found a way round it though ...One day, I got a sheet of paper and poured out my heart on it. Every single way I felt he had caused me grief [both real and imagined] and how it made me feel and reason why I felt like that, I wrote them all down. It worked! He read them…he apologized…he took correction.
Communication is key. Little notes here and there to say how much I love him and long ones to say how much “I hate you so much right now”…they totally work for me.

Couples Should do things Together - Gift "Muma Gee" Uwame

2012-02-20T00:09:00.000-08:00

Gift Uwame popularly known as MumaGee has been described as Nigeria's foremost stage queen. Muma and her husband met on Sunday, June 13, 2010 at the Redeemed Christian Church of God (Victory Chapel) in Magodo GRA during the Thanksgiving service of her friend and actor, Emeka Ike. They got married a year and a half later in December of 2011. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

How did you meet your husband?

Emeka Ike and I had both taken part in the Celebrity Gulder Ultimate Search and Emeka Ike won the reality TV show. As the show progressed, rumours sprang up that we were dating. But Emeka Ike is happily married with three boys and wanted to fully put down the gristmill. He therefore introduced me to his church and family at his thanksgiving. He also used the opportunity to hook me up with his friend Prince Eke who had flown in from Enugu to grace the occasion.

That was the first time we met each other. When they got back to Emeka’s house, Prince requested to speak with me. Before then, Emeka Ike had already warned me about his friend's marriage intentions. I agreed to speak with him and get to know him better and as time progressed I fell in love. Except for the few periods that Prince was on location or when I went on tour, we have been together ever since that first meeting at Emeka Ike’s house.

How long have you been married?
Just a few months, and loving it.

How did your husband propose?
You won't believe that it was on that same very first day we met. Even though Emeka Ike had warned me that Prince was interested in me, I was utterly bemused when he proposed there and then. As he continued to speak, I got to realize that Prince was really serious. I didn’t accept to marry him that day but that was how our relationship started.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?

I believe couples should do things together which I'm trying to learn to do. Since we're both into entertainment, I recorded a song with my husband entitled “Wedding Day” which we performed on our own day. It was one of the highest points of the ceremony for me. Also, we started an entertainment company by the name of G.E.E.K.L.I.P.S. - a combination of Gee from my stage name and Eklips which is my husband’s nickname.

From Myne - Thanks to Muma Gee for guesting on this series. I pray more love and unity for their marriage.

I get to spend the rest of forever with my best friend - Kelly Westover

2012-02-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

My guest for today is Kelly from Life is a balancing act, a lifestyle blog all about living, loving and designing your life. Kelly describes it as "Where I generally babble about my quirky thoughts, perspective on mama-hood, my spastic designers eye, some tasty treats and my adorable son, Quinn.". I found Kelly's blog on one of those blog hops, and really liked her bubbly personality and the pictures. Oh, the pictures!

Enjoy her marriage avowals and some baby cuteness overload below :)

How did you meet your husband?

At church actually. I had just moved back to California and was a nanny for a local family. I'd been in the area a few months when this tall, dark and handsome 'newbie' showed up one Sunday. I couldn't take my eyes off of him throughout all of Sacrament meeting. I have a thing for tall, skinny guys and at 6' 8", 215lbs, he fit the bill perfectly. He came and sat next to me for the next hour, Sunday school, but didn't say a word! It about drove me nuts, and then when the class was over he got up like he was just going to leave. So I quickly struck up a conversation with something lame like 'where do you buy your shoes', blaming it on the fact that my brother is also tall and has a hard time finding larger shoes. It was pretty comical, but it did the trick.

I found out he was home from school - BYU-Idaho - on his off track, and we started hanging out with some mutual friends for a few months until one day, at Institute (A.K.A - bible study) he was reading the bulletin board in the hallway, and I walked by and slapped his butt. Then just kept on walking. I was dying in my head - 'did I really just do that?!?'. But in his head he was thinking 'green light!' and he finally asked me on a proper date.

How long have you been married?

We sealed the deal in the Oakland LDS temple on August 6, 2006 which makes 5 1/2 years this month. It was the perfect day. Sunny, not too warm, the fountain at the temple was on and I was beyond happy. I probably did, but I don't remember feeling the 'jitters' at all. I remember sitting the waiting room wondering 'can I go it yet?'. Always the impatient one.

How did your husband propose?

It was one of those crazy rainy years in the SF east bay area. We literally had rain for 32 days straight. So when the first sunny day came along we took advantage and went into SF. Ironically enough it was April Fools Day - which only now is really funny, but I didn't even think about it at the time.

We'd been talking about doing all of the funny touristy stuff that I'd never done before. He took me to Ripley's believe it or not, The wax museum, we had lunch at The Jungle Cafe and to finish off the day we drove up and waited in line forever to get to Coit tower. I even remember saying at one point 'we don't have to wait, we can just go'. But he was adamant, so we stuck around.

He took me all the way up to top and we ooohed and awweed at the views of the city and Alcatraz, it really was something else. Then he leaned over and whispered in my ear 'Kelly, I have a confession'. I looked up at him with my oh no, what did you do look and he said 'I didn't just bring you up here for the views'. Then he got down on his knee, brought out the ring and said 'Kelly, I love you more than anything in the world. Will you marry me?'

I remember being a little shaky but very strongly saying 'yes!' and grinning from ear to ear. He slipped the ring on and I turned around and yelled 'I'm getting married!!!' to everyone in the tower and they all clapped for us. Someone even volunteered to take this picture so we could remember that exact moment.

It was pretty perfect.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

I've heard many girls say that they've married their best friend. I never qualified Eric in that way when we were first married, but I certainly do now. I get to spend the rest of forever with my best friend. The man who fathered my children, helps to raise them, and is working so hard right now so that he can provide for us as a Chiropractor. He's my confidant, my lover, my shoulder to lean on. Marriage is hard but I feel like we've finally hit our stride and we're in a beautiful place right now. I can't wait for the end of the work day to come so I can rush home to spend my evenings with him. We swap stories, have some great laughs, flirt like crazy and snuggle up at the end of the day because we just love to be around each other.

What is the hardest part about being married?

Communication was our biggest battle. I had the hardest time just coming out and telling him what I wanted and needed and he had the hardest time understanding what the heck I was saying. I'm an emotional being and he's a rational being so we literally weren't speaking the same language. It's taken time, understanding, patience, some loving counseling and a bit of heart break to finally strip down all of our walls so we would let the other person in. It's not such an easy thing molding your life around another all of a sudden.

After being independent and free for so long it's quite a change to all of a sudden have someone else to be held accountable to, who knows the intimate details of everything going on in your life. I wasn't even that close with my mother so it's been a big transition for me. But it's worth it. It's worth every tear and heart breaking moment because the joy at the end of the tunnel is so much better than the pain you go through to get there.

Do you have a child?

We have a son, Quinton. He turns two next month. And we hope to be adding another little one in the not too distant future. We both want a fairly large family. Somewhere between 4-6 kids. We'll see how that plays out.

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?

Having a child has been such a blessing to our lives and our marriage. It was a huge transition going from just the two of us to now three. Loosing our ability to go to Monterrey on a whim or stay out late just because. And learning how to work with each other the way we each needed and wanted. That odd period of time when my body was healing from birth but we had a new suckling baby who couldn't be away from mamma for too long was quite a trial. But I feel like we handled it really well and came up with a system that worked for us both.

Eric was a grad student at the time and I was out from work on Maternity leave but just because I got to be at home didn't mean that I wasn't still in pain and exhausted from all the newness. If Eric had simply said 'sorry babe, I've got to sleep through the night so I can do my classes in the morning' I would have felt so alone and abandoned. Instead he recognized that he could play a part in the crazy night time routine, ease my burden and show his deep affection for me. He would wake up with Quinn at least twice every night, change his diaper and then bring him to me for feeding. It was small, but significant. And I felt us grow closer together because of it.

In those small moments I felt like Eric was showing that no matter what was happening in the life and world around us, that he would always put his family first. And he most certainly does.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?

Desire. If you desire to be loving, kind and helpful and to make it work no matter what, then you will. I always think of the movie 'The Break-Up' when I think about this. That moment when Jennifer Aniston's character is telling Vince Vaughn's character that she wants him to 'want to help with the dishes' and he reply's with 'why would I want to help with the dishes'. It wasn't the dishes, it was that he had no desire. No desire to show that he truly cared, that he would brave the dishes to show his love and dedication. If you desire to be the best spouse that you can be, then eventually you will be.

Thanks for having me over Myne! I feel so grateful to have been asked to talk about my marriage and family.

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He was very Persistent - Charles Nelson Carter and June Eileen Davis

2012-02-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

This story was sent in by Sally Stackhouse in response to the With Love Valentine Giveaway. I asked people to talk about the longest marriage they know about and Sally shared the marriage story of her parents though she wasn't eligible for the book, Always and Forever, Love - Success Stories of Marriage 20+years Strong by Otis G. Sanders (BTW, you can still enter for this giveaway - open to US residents). She later sent in the photos so I could share it with everybody.

Hi Myne, I thought you might be interested in my parents' story. On 1st August 2012 they will have been married for 59 years - they married on 1st August 1953.

Actually, they met each other in 1946 when my mother was 16 years old and my father was only 14 years old. My mother didn't like my father at first but according to my mother he was very persistent. In fact she freely admits that she wasn't very keen on him for a couple of years. My father always seemed to be catching the same bus as my mother was when she left work, although he could have caught an earlier bus to get home. During this time my mother would ignore him, to the point where she had several boyfriends and a group of friends who were girls and boys but my father was always a hanger-on to this group.

My father went straight from school in to the Royal Navy at age 15 and when mum and dad decided to get married my father had to obtain the permission of his Captain before the wedding could go ahead, as well as asking my grandad for his permission for my mother's hand in marriage.

So he had to pluck up his courage three times,
1)to ask my mother,
2) to ask her father and
3) to ask his Captain's permission.

Times were so very different back then.

The other interesting point to make is that England was still suffering from rationing after WWII and my grandmother made my mother's wedding dress and the bridesmaids' dresses and the wedding cake. My mother's wedding ring was a band of tiny gold hearts all joined together.

In fact, when they reached their 50th wedding anniversary (above pictured), the ring wore down so much that my dad replaced it for her along with a new engagement ring . They do suffer now from some age related ailments and don't do quite as much as they used to, but still live independent lives.

I believe couples who celebrate their 50th anniversaries are doubly blessed, because not only do they enjoy the companionship of a long marriage, they also have the richness of a long life and will probably see their grandchildren and all. Just like the oldest couple in Always and Forever, Love, this is a lovely and inspiring story. I wish them more love and happy years together.

His crazy sense of humor keeps me on my toes - Kemi Macaulay-Newman

2012-02-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Kemi Macaulay-Newman, the founder of 9jamom.com, has known her husband Uche Newman for almost 7years now having dated him for about 3years before they got married. She says, "It just hit me we've actually spent all 3 anniversaries - the most recent one; another road trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. - with our son, lol! OK, next one has to be alone, geez!" With this, I wanted to know how this affected their relationship as a married couple. Enjoy Kemi's marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your husband?
I was in MD for my Masters program and attended a Nigerian Independence Day party with a friend in DC where we met. We ended up being really good friends, and then more :)

How long have you been married?
3 years +

How did your husband propose?
Always said I wanted a unique proposal and I must say he did a great job! We had talked about getting married so I knew he would propose at some point but I didn't know when but I always thought he'd do it when I visited in MD, not while he was visiting CA.

It's really difficult to surprise me because I almost always figure it out but this time, I was truly surprised...
Uche insisted on having my car for the day even though I didn't understand why he absolutely needed to go to the gym on the day I had to go down to San Francisco for a meeting… he won, (only because he was visiting) and I had the pleasure of a very long ride from San Jose to SF on Cal train (total commute was close to 3hours).

After a long day and even longer time commuting, I was so ready to go off on him if he was even a minute late in picking me up. He met me at the station holding a sign but I was too tired to entertain the goofiness that I walked right past him without reading it but stopped when the guy behind him asked if I planned on answering…

Puzzled, I looked back, read the sign and slowly took in the "Will you marry me?" I still thought it was all a joke so I walked out to the front of the station (I was really slow that day, and if you know Uche, his jokes - which I thought this was - can be pretty elaborate). It finally sunk in when he got on one knee outside the station and whipped out the black box…after a little silence, at which point he was probably starting to worry about my answer, I said yes which was followed by hooting and blaring horns from the cars picking up passengers and passers-by...

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

Being best friends - we can talk about any and everything, which isn’t always the case with a lot of marriages. And his crazy sense of humor that only gets better with time, and always keeps me on my toes.

What is the hardest part about being married?

We're both strong-willed so when we disagree about something, it really takes divine intervention to find a middle ground ;). And the little things seem much bigger when you're under the same roof - I can never remember where I put my car keys compared to how disciplined he is about leaving his in the same place. He always seems to prefer to leave his shoes smack in the middle of the entryway despite the shoe bench.

Do you have a child?
Yes

How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?

Tremendously! OMG, where do I start? Hubby and I had a long distance relationship for more than 2 years after I moved back to CA so I was really looking forward to being able to settle into living together and some serious couple runs - travel, short trips, nights out etc etc. Since our adorable little one was a honeymoon baby, we didn't really get that time - we had to adjust to living with each other and a baby at the same time.

Having a baby has definitely changed how much time we can spend hanging out or doing activities on a whim (we both love adventures and spontaneous trips). Also it's too easy to focus only on the baby and forget about the relationship between the parents. One of the things we've done is to set a deliberate budget for a babysitter - can be expensive but we'd rather sacrifice other things - a strong 'us' is totally worth it so we make sure we get out and have some 'us' time at least 1-2 times a month (no, not a weekly date night as recommended because that would kill the bank). And when family is around, we take advantage of it.

Before we got married, we always said we never wanted having children to put an end to having fun so we plan a lot of family trips and take our son along for the ride - we've celebrated two anniversaries with him in tow: the first a road trip to Vancouver (he was 3months) and last year's indoor rock climbing; we simply took turns watching him ;)

One other thing we do is to factor in time where we each get "alone" space - so he might take our son to a bounce gym or somewhere else for a couple of hours so I can chill at home, or stay home while I hang out with girlfriends or a run to my favorite place – Barnes & Nobles ;). And I do the same.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Communication and the commitment to "work" at having a successful marriage; we are both from broken homes and going into this knew we'd have to work even harder to create that example we never had. Also, not having seen a happy marriage first hand means having to work harder to balance projecting the different "ideals" we've mapped out over time, hence the reason why it's important to talk, talk, talk....

The Marriage Avowal Series - Talli Roland - Patience is definitely the key!

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

Talli Roland says of herself on her blog, "When I'm not slurping coffee or wine, I write humorous romantic fiction." Her best selling novels, The Hating Game, Watching Willow Watts, and Build a Man, are available on Amazon. She is also the author of the 24 HOURS travel guides under the name Marsha Moore. Enjoy her marriage avowals below.

How did you meet your husband?

Ayman and I met my first week in London, on the South Bank. I’d just arrived from Canada and was completely overwhelmed by everything involved with settling into a mega-city without knowing a soul! A transplant to London himself (from Egypt), Ayman quickly became my guide to the wonderful city of London, and I fell in love with both the metropolis and him. Eight years later, I’m still head over heels.

How long have you been married?

We’ve been married for almost three years now, although it feels like longer (and I mean that in a good way!). He is one of the few people I feel completely comfortable with and he knows me so well – which unfortunately means I can’t BS him about much.

How did your husband propose?

It was complete shocker, which I love. I had no idea it was coming! On the night of the fifth anniversary of us meeting, he recreated the whole evening. Then, as we were walking by the Thames in the falling darkness, he brought me to the spot where we’d first kissed, dropped to his knees, and popped the question. I was so stunned, I asked if he was serious.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

Hm . . . I’m going to be completely untraditional here and say that marriage hasn’t added anything to our relationship – it already felt complete without the official ‘contract’ (I’m sorry, I know that sounds clinical!). However, I did love getting together with family and friends and showing the world just how much we want to be together. I guess being married has given our relationship validity in the eyes of society. I’d enjoy being with Ayman just as much even if we weren’t married.

What is the hardest part about being married?

The hardest part of being with someone is all those little things that may seem so innocuous in the beginning, but with time can become very annoying: leaving unwashed dishes in the sink (me!), not returning CDs to the proper cases (me!), and gathering a collection of unwashed coffee mugs on your desk (again, me!). Seriously, though, it’s learning to adjust your way of living and sharing space with another individual that I’ve found the hardest.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?

Living with another person is going to be hard, no matter how much you may have in common. I would say patience is definitely the key! Being from two completely different cultures (Canada and Egypt), we’ve also had to learn be very understanding of differences.

The Marriage Avowal Series - Obiora “Obiwon” Agu: Unconditional Sacrifice

2012-02-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

I was wondering if I should start with an introduction post for the series, but I decided to cut right to it with my first guest. The marriage vow series will comprise of guest posts by married people around blogsville and beyond. They will tell us how they met and answer a few questions on their marriage. This time around, I didn't want to ask them to write an essay so the posts were done interview style.

First up is Obiora Agu, more widely known as Obiwon, a singer and musician in Nigeria. His latest single is titled Good to me and it is a gospel song. I have to confess here that I absolutely love his track Obimuo (My Heart), a song dedicated to one's sweetheart. I guess from what he reveals below, that song may have been written with his spanking new bride of three months in mind. Enjoy his marriage avowals below;

How did you meet your wife?

“In July 2007 while I was still working in the banking industry, I attended a client’s wedding but I got there so late and most of the guests had left the reception. I basically wanted to ask someone where the groom was, say hi to him and then leace. I saw my future wife from a distance and decided I wouldn’t ask anyone else but her!

She took me to the groom and coincidentally, the bride was her sister. After exchanging pleasantries with the groom, I was still curious and asked him to call Nkechi so I could thank her. The groom sensing something else quickly walked away when she came. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked to cram her phone number so no one would see us exchanging digits. After that, we exchanged texts constantly for the next few days. 3 days later, we met up as I had some business around her area of residence. That day, I told her I wanted to marry her and start to know her better as a result. She was surprised and eventually I had to wait for four years."

So how long have you been married?
3 months.

How did you propose?
Told her first about 3 days after we met and kept talking about it throughout our 4-year courtship; proposed formally on my knees with a ring in April of last year.

What is your favorite part about being married to your wife?
I think I'm more organized, planned, focused, prudent and encouraged. She's my best friend so there's a lot of laughter and fun.

What is the hardest part about being married?
Adjusting to not really having 'personal space' at my own convenience. I lived alone without any housemate for years but we're both learning and adjusting.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful marriage?
Unconditional sacrifice in all aspects, understanding and being there for your partner in all conditions. I believe that's what love is about.