Marriage counselling

2007-03-04T19:18:00.001+00:00

I created this blog as I was in an unhappy relationship for 13 years and want to help others in a similar situation. We had numerous rows throughout and he hit me a couple of times. I eventually plucked up the courage to leave him. He then sued me for half of my assets. It cost me £40,000 in legal fees and went on for 2 years. He eventually dropped his claim. This was 4 years ago and I am now in a stable and healthy loving relationship and it feels fantastic.

I think that there is a lot of help out there for people in a similar situation, and I will review here some of the material on the net which have helped me to understand how to work on your relationship or realise when a relationship is beyond saving.

"How love works" by Steve and Sharon Biddulph

Fifteen years ago, some close friends of the authors went through a painful and shattering divorce. Feeling powerless to help, as friends usually do, Steve and Sharon began a long term project to understand, for themselves as much as anyone else, how to make love work.
Most marriages experience growth phases which if not understood or supported properly, often blow their partners apart. Conflict, and what looks like an impossible incompatibility between men and women overall, is in fact the thing that burns off immaturity, selfishness, and lack of awareness, and can lead to deeper happiness over decades, than anything which young lovers can experience.
Practical, funny, powerful, and intensely personal, this book is the least known of the Biddulph's books. It is also the one that readers most often stop them and say 'thank you' for.

If you want to get this book from Amazon, click here.

The "Save your marriage today" ebook by Amy Waterman

This ebook is brilliant. By the time I had finished, I was hooked! I realized for the first time, that this book would be really helpful for couples with marital difficulties. I don’t just mean young couples either. This book applies to couples young and old. So I thought I would share this book with you too. Everybody knows someone who is in a difficult or failing marriage, or it may even be you.....
Nobody said marriage was ever going to be easy, and if they did, they were lying. It’s perfectly normal in a marriage to have disagreements and times when things involve a little more effort than they used to. In an ideal world we would sit and talk about these changes and differences in a calm and rational manner, and establish an outcome and move on. Unfortunately things don’t always work like that. Its all too easy to get caught up in the moment and let things deteriorate to the point where you are both wondering why you are still in it.
Amy has developed a book that encourages couples to break the ice and develop ways to interact and strengthen their failing relationship. She deals with topics such as:
Tips on how to rescue your marriage
How to reintroduce passion
How to repair your marriage after an affair
Self assessment
Gestures that are more important than words
And much, much more....
Over 2 million couples divorce every year, and many of those could have been avoided if those couples communicated and applied the techniques that Amy shows us in her book. She can’t work miracles and save every marriage, but if you are serious about resurrecting the love you once had for your partner and saving your marriage, you should maximize your chances and read and apply the relationship advice that Amy has to offer.
Amy is able to identify where you have been going wrong, and shows you how to avoid those crucial mistakes that actually jeopardize your chances of saving your failing marriage.
In addition to this she has included a free email consultation so that customers can discuss their specific problems with her.
I really do believe Amy is onto a good thing here, and she really can help.
The techniques she reveals are thought provoking and have been proven over and over to help save marriages. I was very impressed when I finished reading this material and have recommended it to everyone I know.
Here is a testimonial on her site:
"I was a little bit skeptical in the beginning and the reason is we've tried 2 different marriage councellors already and I've already read numerous other books on the subject. There wasn't anything I could seem to do. However after using your book and following the exercises you set out, I have been seeing significant results with our marriage situation. And I'm a whole lot happier in my self. My friends and family are very glad to see that I'm back to my old self again! Fingers crossed it all continues."-- Ianessa Gorerro, Huntington Beach, USA.

If you want to get this book, Click Here!
I promise you won’t be disappointed, and best of all, it could turn your life around!

Life coaching with Alain Kermarec

I was coached by this man and can highly recommend him. He turned my life around in 6 months. I was a total wreck when I started being coached by him because of the destructive nature of the relationship I had been in. He helped me cope with the separation and the court case and made me realise what a healthy relationship should be like. He is a psychoanalyst as well as a coach and is a genius at understanding the human psyche. I was also amazed with his results.

Here is what he says about unhappy relationships:

"Dysfunctional relationships, as any emotionally trying situation, can exert a heavy toll on your self-esteem and nervous system, pulling you down with symptoms of stress, anxiety and some confusion. You may experience symptoms such as fear, nervousness, tearfulness and indecisiveness.
Keeping your head and heart clear is essential to stress and anxiety management. Relationship problems, breakdown or rescue, relate to emotion.
The connection between your emotions, thoughts and actions is a meaningful one. Being sensitive to and influencing others' emotions is a healing approach at home and at work.
The creative potential of healthy relationships is immense. Learning to heal dysfunctional ones or manage a friendly breakdown is a vital step to regain control of your life, emotional intelligence and health. "

http://dreamlifecoaching.co.uk

Metamorphic Technique

I had one metamorphic session 5 years ago and I am not sure whether it is a coincidence or not but this was before I managed to extricate myself from the unhealthy relationship I was in. The woman who treated me explained that some people only need one session before huge transformations occur in their life (they change their job, move house, leave their partner, move country etc). Others need a few.

What is it?
The Metamorphic Technique is a gentle form of foot, hand and head massage. It draws on reflexology in its theory and approach. It does not claim any specific healing power but uses the idea that the massage helps the individual's own innate inner intelligence free deep blocks in their body's energy pattern and somehow bring about resolution of stuck patterns at the root of problems in their life and health.
It focuses on reflexology meridians in the feet, hands and head which correspond to the spinal column and in turn to the incarnation, gestation and birth of the individual.
It was devised originally by British naturopath Robert St. John in the 1960s.
Practitioners cannot predict or guarantee what will happen after a session because this depends on each person's own life force, which is unique. People often feel energised or relaxed, or both. As their energy shifts, people may sometimes re-experience some past symptoms or some emotional upset over a day or two. This is all part of the process of bringing up old patterns to be released. Thankfully, while the life force can bring about great shifts, they always seem to be at a level that people can cope with.
In some cases changes are immediately noticeable, while in others they are more subtle. These changes can range from significant improvements in physical, mental or emotional health to general feelings of having more energy and confidence, releasing old habits or gradually letting go of past hurts. People often report significant changes in the way they see life and how they feel about themselves; in many cases they experience a growing sense of purpose and inner strength and may find themselves changing their job, moving house, leaving a relationship or finding a new one as their life 'gets on track'. Some people have described it like 'coming home to themselves'.
One thing that is noticed time and again as people receive sessions, is that they change for the better.

http://metamorphicassociation.org.uk

"1000 questions for couples" ebook

After you have had a few dates with someone and you think it might be going somewhere, you begin to ask more serious questions about their childhood, family, job etc.
Eventually the relationship might progress to where the really tough questions must be asked. Like "have you ever slept with someone without using a condom" or "how much debt do you have"? Recently, I received a copy of Michael Webb's newest book, 1000 Questions for Couples: What you absolutely must know about the person you are with. The questions start off easy like "Has anyone dear to you died? How did you handle it" and "About what things are you most selfish." They slowly progress (just like your relationship should) until you get to those questions that you simply can't avoid if you are going to commit your life to living with someone. There are questions on drug addictions, abuse, child rearing, finances and sex. And because these questions are coming from a book, you don't feel like "you" are asking them.
A special bonus that I really liked was the option to get 3-5 of the book's questions emailed to me each day. That way I could forward the questions on to my beloved and we could each read over them and forward the answers to each other that night. I can see where this would be very valuable for those in long distance relationships.
While there are a lot of questions in this book that are crucial for couples in the dating stage, the majority of the questions are useful for people who are already married. If you value your relationship, I urge you to ask these 1000 Questions for Couples.
To have a look at this book, Click Here!

Relationship Rescue by Phillip McGraw

This book is as close as you can get to having a hands-on guide to improving your relationships as you can get without having a trained counselor present.
The book is extremely direct. The author makes it clear that you have to first change yourself before you can change you relationship.

The book is extremely well structured for easy use both as a book and as a workbook. It is divided into seven steps (define and diagnose where the relationship is now; get rid of your wrong thinking about relationships; find out what you are doing to hurt the relationships; internalise the values needed to build and maintain strong relationships; the necessary format for a strong relationship; and how to reconnect and manage the relationship).

Each section is filled with diagnostic questions for you and your partner to use, as well as directions for implementing what you learn.

The process involved is a good one. It begins with identifying stalled thinking, works on stallbusting that thinking, and then builds new habits that will work better.

The steps are extensive, but you can take them in bite-sized amounts. Before you are done, you will be sharing what you have done with your partner. I have to believe that anyone who was told that their partner had been working on these questions and exercises would be very impressed by the commitment to the relationship that this effort represented. It can help overcome a lot of thoughtlessness that may have preceded that sharing.

If your relationship is on the rocks, that idea of reconnecting can be scary. I was impressed to see that the book provides a 14 day program to help you with exercises that help reconnect you emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Most counselors would probably not give you this much guidance.

One of the finest things in life is to have a great relationship with other people. This book gives you the necessary background to move in that direction. The rest is up to you, as the author says. Give it a shot! You have a lot to gain!

Click here to buy:

Love and light.

Amber

Marriage and relationship counselling

Marriage counselling