I teach The Ocean Breath in my workshops, and to my one-on-one clients.

Now, you can get instant access to this amazing breathing technique – find out more about the Secrets of the Ocean Breath.

The  secret to creating physical and emotional connection and deepening love is very natural and very simple: pay attention to your lover.

In this post, I’m going to concentrate on the men. Not because men are worse at intimacy than women. (Some men are very gifted connectors, and some women are very distant.)  The reason I’m talking to you men today is because men are usually faster than women at reaching a point in their lovemaking where they are tempted to orgasm and/or ejaculate. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, then consider I am writing this to you too!

So, gentlemen, listen closely!

When you want to know whether your woman is aroused or not, follow her breath. Her breath is the most important sign you have to guide you.It will tell you where she is in her process of getting turned. You don’t have to be a mind reader! Her breath will tell you where she is.

She will hopefully be using the Ocean Breath, a fluid natural breath. When her breathing deepens, and she starts to make sounds of pleasure, you will know she’s is getting turned on with you. Until then, you need to match her breathing and feel where she is.

If she’s holding her breath –so that she is inhaling and exhaling at an irregular pace– that could mean she is in her thoughts, and they are taking her away from the sensations that your touch is stimulating. It might be too much for her in that moment, so you can slow down. Try to breathe in rhythm with her, but keeping your breath regular.

When her breath does not harmonize with your breath, then take a moment to invite her attention back to your presence by saying something nice to her. For example: “Honey, you are so sexy! When you look at me you transfer all that beautiful energy into me … When you look at me I get so… turned on.”

Or if your wife is older, perhaps in her menopausal or post menopausal years, she may be feeling low self-esteem as her body changes. In this case, you might say to her: “Your skin is so soft and glowing right now. I love you so much I would not exchange you even for 2 eighteen year olds!”

Loving and appreciative comments like this will definitely get her attention back. Then you can return to whatever you are doing to her body, whether you touch her, kiss her or perform oral loving on her. Also, while you are being the giver, keep consciously sending your love energy to her.  A touch without loving intention remains superficial, no matter how good it is. When you add your love to it, it can go directly into her heart.

As you know, it is when the woman feels loved that she can fully open up sexually. The key to her sexuality is her heart. You can also make loving commitments loudly. The 3 most important words in the dictionary of love are still: “I love you!”

Tell her, ” You are the most important person in my life… “ and she will respond with her heart and her body.

Intimacy in sex is not about reaching the point of no return and ejaculating. It’s about going beyond the point of no return, surfing the waves of pleasure together, and creating the most exquisite loving connection you can experience with another human being. Enjoy!

Photo by Kait Curran Palmer.

I’m Carla Tara, and I’ve spent 20 years helping people like you transform their sexual relationships into sources of great pleasure, boundless energy, and deep intimate connection.

Just the sound of rain is calming as it falls on leaves and even pavement. I clearly remember how wonderful it feels in Manhattan, when for a day the thunder of the storm and the rain on the pavement would quiet out the numbing sound of endless traffic. However, if it continues to storm and rain for too long, I start longing for the sun, almost desparately – a longing that would never come to me so strongly with the sun always out.

The same concept applies to relationships. We need to feel the highs and the lows to make things interesting. When a relationship constantly runs along with no effort, we start to lose our appreciation of it – and that can lead to problems where one or both partners become indifferent and don’t care. So, it may sound crazy, but we need to treasure the hard times of love as much as the easy times. The important thing to remember when you are in the low state is that you will enjoy the high again. It is just the cycle of life, ebb and flow, the change of the season, but played out in our emotional life together.

How do you move through the low times in your relationship?

Are you aware of the wave-like quality of relationships and flow with it with faith that the tide will turn again for the better?

Or do you get flooded with the conflict, and fear that your relationship is ruined forever, and this is just the beginning of the end?

With Love and Light,
Carla

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The colors flooded across the sky in spirals. Their bright reflection in the quiet river amazed my heart. It was just as sensual an experience as the sensation when my lover came up behind and slipped his arms around me in a hug. I was in bliss! On my front I had the warmth of the sun, and on my back the loving touch of his chest, and the strength of his encircling arms. The moment was so wonderful, that we we kissed, other greeting the glorious day in front of us.

Birds were hopping from treetop to treetop pecking at nuts and seeds. Seagulls and pelicans were gliding over the beach with complete freedom, squawking joyfully. The wind blew the palm fronds one way, then another, creating a moving carpet of green all along the shore. I felt so connected to nature, and really centered and fulfilled in my heart.

Because I took those 10-15 minutes to connect with nature before jumping into work, my whole day was more productive and much less stressful.

What happens to you when you take time to connect with nature? Have you taken a moment lately to see the beauty around you? Are there ways you can work in just a few minutes a day to slow down and ‘smell the flowers’ – maybe even the real ones?

Blessings,
Carla

After a meditative moment of gratefulness and peace, I felt pulled by shouts of joy toward a children’s playground sculpture in the park. Kids were having a great time experiencing the freedom of movement exhilarated by others like them expressing themselves with passion.

It was clear that boys and girls had a different way of expressing their joy of life. Most boys were playing daring games such as crawling on rocks and looking around to see if someone was admiring them. As though further energized by people like me looking at them, they kept climbing and jumping even faster, taking less and less time to secure their footing well before taking the next step. Parents were split between being worried and proud. Being admired taking risks seemed to tuned the kids on. Perhaps taking risks is a masculine quality… But then I saw a girl who seemed to outdo most boys. That was impressive. However most girls were playing on the ground enjoying sharing their toys with others and pushing each other on the swings.

I tried to analyze why it was so. Was the diversity in play because of socialization? Instead of answering my question, I decided to enjoy the diversity and the genuine pleasure experienced by the boys and girls playing and also by the men and women who were present there to create safety for them.

Would our sexual life be more spontaneous and exciting if we gave up the analyzing and trying to make sense of how nature wants to express itself through us?

I feel grateful to be alive and decided to play a little more freely myself.

Some wise person said: “If you are not on the edge you’re taking up too much space. “

How are you playing in your life? Are you allowing yourself to take some risks by pushing your boundaries of safety without falling off the rocks?

Photo: Encounter on a Net, by Diana Blackwell, Flikr.com

Tantra is based on such caring and respect for your partner. Here are some good tips:

1. Make sure you have your partner’s attention without demanding that they stop what they are doing to listen to you, unless it’s an emergency. If one of you is busy when you want to talk, set up a time when you both can pay attention to each other.
2. Tune into your own truth by taking a couple of Ocean Breaths to connect with your love for them. Intend to create more understanding and harmony. Remember this is your truth and might not be “the truth” for your partner.
3. Clear your mind of judging thoughts such as, “Here she/he goes again…” or “I’m going to show her/him that I’m right “. Communication is not a tug of war. To prove that you are right does not create more harmony or passion. Quite the opposite. Understanding and connection do.
4. Really listen. We have two ears and one mouth, so listen at least twice as much as you speak. Listen attentively even if you think you ‘know’ what they are going to say. You might here a nuance that has always escaped you before, and this time that might make all the difference in how this talk goes.
5. Pay attention to your body language, especially face expression, eye movements (rolling your eyes) and tone of voice. Body language makes up about 65% of communication. When your intention is love, the body is going to be relaxed and your voice full and warm. If your intention is to ‘be right’ or ‘show them,’ it will automatically show through your body language.

If you are not used to thinking about your body and your attitude as you are speaking, all these steps might seem overwhelming. Start with one or two the next time you talk with your lover.

Afterwards, be sure that you take a moment for yourself, and think about how using these simple steps changed your experience of the encounter and its outcome. Then, try to work in more of the steps the next time. You will see the difference - and your partner will feel the difference in your attention and your energy.

By the way, if you have never heard of the TED Conference, it is an annual gathering where speakers are invited to present for less than 20 minutes on their discoveries, thoughts, and art.  It is a gathering of the most remarkable thinkers, artists, and scientists on the planet.  And all the presentations are available online at the website.  Go visit!  You will be amazed, entertained, and uplifted.

Ciao,
Carla