Marriage vs Divorce

Marriage is For a Lifetime

2009-03-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

As far as I know nobody has asked to change the vows one makes at the altar to something other than "until death do you part" The idea of marriage being a permanent relationship that lasts a lifetime is tremendously important. The children who come into this world through a family need the security of permanence. Yet the statistics demonstrate a society that does not know how to make marriage permanent. Of all the skills learned in schools none could be more important than the 'how to live' skills everyone needs in order to understand and cultivate deep meaningful relationships. Yet there are no skills taught in our schools that even come close to teaching people how to be married. Nearly everyone gets married, and over 50% of everyone who gets married gets a divorce. It is not out of a lack of trying.

You Don't Need To Be a Statistic

If you buy a computer or even a washing machine a manual will come with the product. Could you imagine buying a new camera and not having a manual with it? It would be freak out city! You would even be afraid to turn it on. Yet people get married every single day without having any idea of where 95% of the switches are that influence their relationship. Have you ever had a perfect relationship in your life? Well, this is the one you want to be perfect and it can be. But you need a manual.

Here are 7 questions for you:

1) What is the leading cause of problems in marriage?

2) What are three things you should say to each other every single day?

3) What is the definition of marriage?

4) How do you make sure your marriage improves every single day?

5) What is intimacy compared to sex?

6) How do you protect your marriage from outside negative influences?

7) How do you have the best marriage in the world for the rest of your life?

The principles of right behavior in marriage are universal. Learning the principles and how to apply them will make your marriage the most amazingly incredible experience of your life, as it is supposed to be.

You don't have to take a risk that the anecdotes you have heard about being married or the advice your aunt gave you will work. Don't leave your marriage to chance. Study marriage as if your life depends upon it. Don't become one of my clients in five years because you couldn't figure it out on your own.

If you are like most people you've put more effort into planning your wedding day than you have your marriage. Now you have an opportunity to protect the most important decision of your life. You can and must walk confidently down the aisle and pathway of life.

By Paul W. Friedman

Paul Friedman, author of http://www.lessonsforahappymarriage.com, entered into the business of helping couples mend their marriages after a very rough personal experience with divorce. Paul came out of an early retirement to become a mediator. His belief was that couples could easily work out the details of separation and get on with their lives. He discovered the truth from his clients: they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn't work. Read more on Paul Friedman's blog: http://www.lessonsforahappymarriage.com/relationship-advice-blog.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_W._Friedman

Manage Your Relationships to Save Your Marriage

2009-03-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own opinion, but it isn't healthy to have a lot of negative input coming in about your marriage or spouse. If your friends or family are not supportive of your marriage or your spouse, it can cause your relationship to fail. It is important to nurture relationships with friends and family members who are positive role models for your marriage and who appreciate the work and patience it takes to make a good marriage.

People who are sarcastic to everyone just don't make good supporters. Sarcasm is hard on any relationship. Negative and pessimistic people can depress their friends and family and cause all kinds of relationship hardships. Look for friends and relatives who support you and have a positive outlook. Try to be that kind of friend to others also. Whiners and cryers just bring you down. Having hope and optimism is also contagious and is much more of an advantage in a relationship.

When you are depressed you will gravitate to people who are also depressed. Recognize that and get yourself out of that downward spiral. Consciously look for others who are happy and like to have the kind of fun that is positive and supportive.

If you pick out friends that can nurture you as well as be nurtured by you, you are likely to be happier. If your friends are discouraged in their marriages or relationships, they will drain away your happiness. Even happy people get sick or get discouraged but it is better to associate with those who maintain optomism even in bad times or are at least getting counseling or professional help to make their circumstances better.

By Lucy Becker

Save your marriage right now. Click this link http://save-marriage-now.blogspot.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lucy_Becker

Keep Your Husband Sexually Satisfied, Happy and in Love With You!

2009-03-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

To keep a husband sexually satisfied is to have him fall deeper in love with you. Making love in a marriage is how the two of you connect at the soul. If you can learn the art to be pleasing to each other, the connection that the two of you have can become so strong, your husband will be bound to you forever...

Keeping him happy will not only show him how much you love him! It will encourage him to make love to you in a more intimate way also. There are a number of things you can learn that will satisfy a man, but as each of us have our own little fetish towards sex, your husband's will vary from others. I will point out some key points to focus on...

Visual Satisfaction! Every man loves to look at woman in sexy clothes, whether it be hot lingerie, or a tight miniskirt or slinky dress. When it is just the two of you, why not go all out and tease you husband with something that shows off your curves!

Vocal Satisfaction! Talking your husband up, as being your knight in shining armor, and hinting to him about what you would like to do with him, or what you would like him to do with you, is nicely arousing. And just in general conversation, if you can add in some flirtatious comments it will also go along way...

Vibrant Satisfaction! This is more of an after sex satisfying pleasure, or on a non love making night thing. But you know how much you love to be touched where you are most sensitive? Men love this type of sensual behavior also, snuggling up to him after some good passionate love making and caressing his chest or back will make him feel like he's your special ONE! And this can also be a trigger for a round two, if you feel like it...

There are other things such as giving some oral satisfaction, which most men enjoy, but not all woman like. But more importantly try to be spontaneous with your husband, and surprise him sometimes by ripping his clothes of in the bathroom, or somewhere different? Keep your husband sexually satisfied by making love exciting and random once in a while, and create those happy intimate memory's...

By Robert Lees

Sex is what feeds the soul! A great place to learn more about how to keep a Husband Sexually Satisfied for life! With a deep understanding of emotional love is this site Right Here

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Robert_Lees

How to Make Your Husband Fall Back in Love With You Again - Advice For Wives

2009-03-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

How to make your husband fall back in love with you again is something many women start to wonder about during the course of their marriage. Couples change and what was once a sizzling hot romance may shift into more of a platonic friendship. It's frustrating when you begin to feel that your husband isn't as crazy about you as he once was. Many women simply buy into the idea that once their husband falls out of love there's nothing they can do but agree to a divorce. If you still love your spouse there are many ways you can reignite the romance and make him fall in love with you all over again.

When you are thinking about how to make your husband fall back in love consider the qualities he admired about you early in your relationship. There's no denying that both partners change as the marriage progresses and those changes can and do impact feelings. If you were very goal oriented when you two first met and now you are finding it difficult to discover a career or life direction that is something you should work on. It's also easy to fall into the trap of being extra critical with your spouse. If you were easy going and accepting early in the relationship you need to rediscover that quality within yourself now.

It's also human nature to want to understand why your husband doesn't feel as close emotionally as he once did. Many women barrage their husbands with questions about his shift in feelings and instead of this helping the situation, it only creates more tension. Most men aren't comfortable talking about what they are feeling and they retreat when they feel pushed about it. If you've already brought up the subject with your spouse, don't push it. Instead get busy doing your own thing. Focusing on yourself more can actually be one of the ways to make your husband fall back in love with you. All men want to be with women who place a high value on themselves. Your husband will find you much more interesting and appealing if you have a life that is full and rewarding. Instead of doting on why he doesn't seem to love you now as much as he once did, show him that you know you're worth loving. It will naturally draw him closer to you.

By Gillian Reynolds

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to fall in love with you all over again. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. If you want your husband to fall even deeper in love with you now than when you two first married, visit this helpful site

You don't have to worry about whether your husband is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make him fall hopelessly in love with you. Find out here what you need to be doing to ensure your husband loves you always

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gillian_Reynolds

The Top 3 Marriage Killers and What You Can Do to Fix Them - You Can Save Your Marriage

2009-03-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Are you struggling in your marriage? Do you wonder what happened to the relationship that you were so excited about on the honeymoon and why you and your spouse so feel so isolated from each other? You are at a place that most couples have found themselves in and were able to come out on the other side.

If you see someone who says they have been "happily married" for 30 years. What they generally mean is that they have stuck it out through some of the hard years and didn't wound each other to the point that they couldn't repair the relationship, and that now they are able to enjoy the fruits of their hard work. You can move through this season as well if make sure to not further damage the relationship and commit to get and act on information that others have found helpful in putting their marriage back together.

Here are 3 things you need to avoid during this season so that you can begin working on the relationship:

1. Don't lash out in anger. You are probably frustrated right now but if you yell and scream you may feel better but your spouse will be wounded and will remember what you said long after you have forgotten.

2. Don't assume the worst. Often times when you are in a rough place in your marriage you will tend to negatively interpret things. Simple questions like "When will you be home? Where are you going? What would you like to do this weekend?" can seem like a full on attack if you are at odds with each other. Train yourself to not see these questions or statements as attacks, because often they are not.

3. Don't avoid conflict. We think that our marriage will be better if we don't deal with the hard issues that we know need to be addressed. The reality is that if you avoid them they generally grow and do not go away. So make sure you address them, just be smart about how and when you do so.

If you will avoid these 3 traps this will give you enough good will to start working on your marriage together. Even if you spouse isn't interested in working on your marriage you can still get the information you need and begin working on your relationship, because every marriage has a chance and every marriage is worth fighting for. It just takes someone going first.

By Kimberly P. James

Here is some of the best information I have found on How To Save Your Marriage simply Click Here and you can being saving your marriage today

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kimberly_P._James

4 Practical Tips on How to Save Marriage

2009-03-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

It's disheartening to know that there are lots of unhappy marriages out there and many end up in messy divorces. The fact is, getting is a divorce is not the usual solution when a marriage hits rock bottom. There are many ways to save marriage. If both partners are committed to save their relationship, they can always seek help from a reputable counselor.

Aside from counseling services, there are other practical tips on how to save marriage. Take note of the following, for this will help you.

* Learn to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every relationship has its own share of problems, and there are those that are so massive that it will threaten your relationship as a whole. This is all very natural. A couple must learn how to overcome all their problems and keep the marriage intact. Those couples who seek perfection will be doomed to deep disappointment. People will always make mistakes and they must learn how to fix them, especially if they are in a marriage.

* Good communication is essential. Couples who can't communicate openly always experience problems in their relationship. Being honest with your partner is one of the most important ingredients when it comes to saving marriage. Issues of all kinds can be resolved with the right amount of communication.

* Learn how to compromise with your partner. There is a reason why compromise is considered an art, and for a good reason. It's not easy finding a middle ground between two people and their principles in order to come up with something that both of them can live with. Marriage is all about compromise, actually. You can't afford to be selfish when you're married. There are times that you will have to give way, and there are situations that your partner will have to do the same.

* It's all about commitment. Remember that marriage is like having a car. If the car breaks down, you just don't say that you want to get rid of the car, do you? You will do all you can to fix it, of course. Getting rid of a car is usually the last resort, and this is only done when the damage is truly beyond hopeless. How to save marriage relies largely on the amount of commitment that both partners put into it. It just won't work if one is disinterested in making things work.

Of course, there are marriages that can't be saved no matter what measures are taken. There are issues that can't really be solved no matter how much help is extended by counseling. In these cases, divorce can be considered. Just as it's not good to dissolve a union, it's also not a good thing to keep two people who are at odds with each other in a relationship. It's great to know that there are many ways to save a marriage, but again, some things can't be resolved and such relationships are meant to be dissolved.

By Mary R. Jones

How to Save Marriage

Visit my blog at http://howtosavemarriage.org

Mary R. Jones

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Warning Signs of Marriage in Trouble - It's More Common Than You Think

2009-03-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the top marriage trouble signs.

1. You're romantically or sexually involved with another person.

Being sexually involved with another person is without a doubt one of the top signs of troubled marriage that it doesn't need any further explanation.

2. You have stopped talking to each other.

Communication is a very important part of any relationship and when it doesn't exist, the marriage is bound to head to failure. No doubts about it.

Without being able to properly talk to your spouse about your feelings, you then begin to assume a lot of things. Then you begin to see things that aren't there. Before you know it, you begin to develop feelings of annoyance, maybe even anger.

3. You have stopped arguing.

All couples argue or fight. When they stop doing so, it means they've given up. I'm not talking about fighting every hour of the day every day. I'm talking about the normal fights that couples argue about which they either find a solution to or a compromise for that matter.

4. Being with your spouse is getting to be very suffocating.

When every time you are with your spouse, you begin to feel suffocated you just want to get out, then there's obviously trouble in your marriage.

5. You have no respect for each other.

Respect should be ranked high in the priorities of any relationship. When this respect for each other doesn't exist, a big chunk of what keeps a marriage together is taken away.

6. There's no intimacy.

When I speak of intimacy, I mean both sexual intimacy and the little-things-that-make-each other-special kind of intimacy. When you just don't care anymore and stop doing little things that make you husband and wife ( such as an unexpected i love you, making him/her coffee in the morning, a hug when sleeping at night, among others), then this signals that some work needs to be done for your marriage to survive

By David Fausto

If you think you have a troubled marriage, it doesn't have to lead to divorce or separation. Get some troubled marriage help or support. Visit http://savingamarriage.info/ for details

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=David_Fausto

Getting Your Husband Back

2009-03-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

The women who contact me may be in different places in their marriages - some are facing a divorce, some are separated, some just feel a distance in their marriage, and for some - the ink on the divorce papers is dry, but all of them want the same thing - they want to get their husbands back. They want to know the right thing to say, the right way to act, and the right actions to take.

They regret the things that they said or didn't say - the things left unsaid and the things said too harshly. In summary, they are filled with regret and just want one more chance to make things right. But, they don't know what it is going to take to get that chance. In the following article, I'll go over some considerations that may help you in getting your husband back.

When Is It Too Late To Lay Your Cards On The Table?: There's a really fine line between putting it all out there and appearing too desperate and needy. How much you reveal is going to depend upon whether your husband has already left or if there are just problems brewing. If he hasn't yet left the home and the communication is still open, there is nothing wrong with making it very clear that you'd like to save the marriage. But, it's also important that you don't lay it on too thickly.

At the end of the day, there are a lot of negative emotions surrounding the marriage and your husband is seeing things through the veil of negativity. So, don't add to this by trying to guilt him or argue with him or by playing the pity or ultimatum card. You want to always conduct yourself in a way that you will be proud of and will ultimately appear attractive to him. And a desperate, angry, bitter, or terrified woman is not usually attractive to a man. Of course you can't convincingly convey that you aren't affected by this. It wouldn't be normal if you weren't, but always be conscious of the image that you are portraying.

Finding A Point Of Concession: Sometimes when I tell women that they need to find something on which they can agree, they tell me that nothing falls into this category. They say that there's no middle ground or that there's too much water under the bridge. In short, they make this way too complicated.

If the situation is set up to where one of you is going to emerge the winner and one of you is going to be the one who loses, then both of you are going to fight to the bitter end, ensuring that you certainly aren't working together toward some common goal.

Here's one of the easiest ways to find that middle ground. When you are both calm and rational, explain to your husband that you've thought about it and you realize that you can't single handedly change things as they stand now. A marriage takes too people and saving it will take two very committed people. You can not control his actions or thoughts and it would be disrespectful for you to try to do so. However, you can control yourself. And, you've decided to make your goal right now to now allow things to deteriorate any further. Explain that your husband is still important to you and you can't look at yourself in the mirror if you allowed this relationship to deteriorate further. So, for your part, you're going to act in such a way that brings you closer together - no matter where this leads.

You may not get the reaction that you were hoping for at first. But, that's likely because, up until now, your husband has been conditioned to think that things will never change - not really. However, you're going to show him, not tell him, that he's wrong about this. Over time, he should come to see things your way, if you play this correctly.

Knowing That It's Really Going To Take To Get Your Husband Back: At the end of the day, getting your husband back comes down to only a few things. First, you have to begin to change the negative perceptions and interactions into positive ones. This comes with just moving slowly and taking it day by day. This usually won't happen over night. But, the good days will build on one another until they begin to become more frequent.

Once some positive interactions have occurred and there is a reoccurring comfort level where you're both looking forward to spending time together, you then slowly focus on reestablishing a closeness and a bond. In truth, divorce is often nothing more than the result of when the intimacy and bond is lost. You must regain it to save your marriage. And, the steps toward this are often introducing the two people who first fell in love.

Your husband has to be exposed to the woman who first excited and delighted him. When I tell women this, they will sometimes get nervous and say something like "sure, I'll just turn back the clock and make it 1978 again." This isn't at all what I mean. What I mean is that you need to bring back the woman with the infectious laugh, the one who couldn't learn enough about him, the one who really wanted to know how his day was and wanted to have a part in making it a good one.

Many women will ask me: "what, you want me to fake it?" No, not at all. I want you to take some time thinking about those things that first drew you to your husband and then use the best version of him to motivate you to bring forth the best version of yourself. Because your best case scenario is for these two to meet up and find that they still love each other very much and don't want to part ways.

By Leslie Cane

When I was trying to save my own marriage, my husband's mind was made up. He was going forward with moving out and then the divorce. I let him walk out the door and it almost cost me my marriage. This was only one of the many mistakes I made. Thankfully, I realized my tactics were not working and changed course. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but save our marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane

When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce, But You Don't

2009-03-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

It would be nice if every one agreed when divorce was on the table. But, in my experience, this is rarely the case. Often, one spouse wants and is pushing for the divorce while the other desperately wants to save the marriage. This was the case with me and with many of the readers who visit my blog. So I know first hand that this is a very difficult position to be in because you're the odd man out, your heart is breaking, and you're hearing conflicting advice. Your heart is telling you to fight for your marriage while your head, some friends, and perhaps your attorney is telling you to protect both your assets and your heart. This article will not give legal advice regarding your divorce. Because I conducted tons of research when trying to change my husband's mind about the divorce, my experience lies with saving marriages when you are the only one who wants to, by controlling what you can right now - yourself.

Want You Must Do If You Want To Save Your Marriage: Here are the top marriage saving tips that I have seen work countless times. I realize that they may seem counter intuitive and they may feel weird at first. But, you need to understand that doing what may feel right at this time (closing yourself off, engaging with your spouse, trying to make your spouse feel guilty, trying to manipulate them, etc.) only pushes them further away and only speeds up the downward spiral you are on.

You Need To Be On Their Side: Let's think about this for a second. You want a divorce, but they don't. You're on separate sides of the fence. If he wins, you lose your marriage. If you win, you've managed to strong arm him into to doing what he didn't want to do. So, even in the best case scenario, his heart isn't really in it and the chances for long term success are not as good as they can be.

It's better to jump on their side of the fence (or at least make them think that you are). Doing this alleviates the tension and ensures that they begin to give you more access to them. You want to present yourself as someone who doesn't want a divorce, but who wants their spouse to be happy and who is willing to put your wishes aside (at least for now) to help them accomplish this. I know this may sound risky, but it is actually the only plan that allows every one to get what they want, so that when the marriage is saved, you have the best chance of long term success.

So tell your spouse that you are hearing what they are telling you and that you respect their feelings. Explain that you agree that the marriage is not fulfilling for either of you and that you both deserve better than this. Promise that you will no longer engage in behaviors that run counter to this and confess that you too, could use some space and time to work on yourself. I know this may sound difficult, but it's important that you come off very convincing. At first, your spouse may not believe you, but eventually they will as you show them that you are going to do exactly what you promised.

Always Be Conscious Of The Image That You Are Presenting And Note How It Differs From The Person They First Fell In Love With: It may be hard to hear, but I have to be honest. Right now, your spouse sees you in a negative light. When he thinks of you, he thinks of something that is lost and can't be found. And, he thinks that things can't or won't change. So, you need to change both of these perceptions.

You need to remember and pinpoint exactly why he was attracted to you and which attributes most contributed to this. Most people will immediately think of things like physical attributes and chemistry. This is normal. But, lasting marriages don't value these things over all else. I'll bet if you dig deeper, you'll discover things like a sense of humor, honesty, making your spouse feel important, desired and appreciated. (Although looking and feeling your best is important too.) Ask yourself how often your spouse sees these attributes. The obvious answer is not enough.

I know that you may be thinking "well, it's too late for this. We're getting a divorce, so it won't matter. I can act this way until I'm blue in the face, but he won't see it." I understand why you feel this way, but this is not necessarily true. I find that often, once you agree with your spouse and confess that you'd like some time yourself, they will often wonder what is going on. So, they'll keep one eye and ear open. I'm sure you have mutual friends and I'm sure you know where they hang out. It's so important that you polish yourself off, put a smile on your face, and get out there. You want your husband (or wife) to be aware that the vibrant, busy, and engaging person they fell in love is still around.

Bringing Back The Balance Of Power: Probably the biggest misstep that I see people make is that even when these things start to work, they let their guards down. They find their spouses receptive again and the relationship become lighter and more fun and then they let go of everything they were doing and revisit their old behaviors and mistakes of the past. They push for reassurances and commitments and scare the spouse away. So now your job is that much harder because your spouse will no longer believe you, and you have to go back to the drawing board. Always move very slowly. It's better to leave them wanting more than to move too quickly.

Remember that your best case scenario is that your spouse sees the open, honest, fun, lighthearted person that they first fell in love with and wants to spend more time with that person, while you play it cool and take it slow. Then, you're at least an equal partner in this this and are again on a level playing field. And, your relationship is steadily improving and moving forward.

By Leslie Cane

When my husband wanted a divorce (but I desperately want to save my marriage), I made many mistakes. I begged, argued, stalked and engaged, but these tactics back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course using the tactics discussed here and save the marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane

My Wife is Leaving - Keep Your Wife From Leaving by Letting Her Go

2009-03-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

I love my wife but she is leaving - what now?

Breakups can destroy lives, they can lead us in to depression, they can have an enormous emotional effect on our children and they have the power to change the course of everyone's lives close to us if we let them.

Are all breakups bad? Do they all bring long lasting grief?

In certain circumstances they don't, especially when the circumstances before the separation were terrible, particularly if they were physically or mentally abusive. Sometimes the separation may actually be the best thing for everyone involved. Now I am certainly not suggesting that you won't have to mentally cope with the emotions that come with a separation but you will get through them much faster if you have accepted your situation for what it is.

The key is getting your feet on solid ground. Most relationships are salvageable however the real key is determining if they should be salvaged otherwise you're likely to be in a vicious love hate cycle for years to come.

Here are some deep thought provoking quotes that can help you gain some clarity:

Grant Gudmundson: Love is unconditional, relationships are not.

Anonymous: Relationships are like glass. Sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Victoria Holt: Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

Robert Frost: Families break up when people take hints you don't intend and miss hints you do intend.

If your wife has made the final decision that she is leaving then you must be careful about what you do next. If you had what you would consider to be a great relationship with your wife then your first move should be to let her go. At this point your wife is emotional, she has made up her mind that she is leaving and the last thing that you want to do is stand in her way.

Letting her go and accepting the situation for what it is, is actually the most important step to eventually getting her back. Women don't just pick up and leave for no reason unless they are mentally unstable. You're eventually going to find out where you went wrong but at first give her some space and let her collect her thoughts.

Acceptance is huge, stay away from negativity or re-hashing the things that are wrong. Eventually you'll have an opportunity but for now play it cool and give her some space.

By Adrian P.

There is a book that you might want to read called The Magic of Making Up written by a gentleman named T.W. Jackson. This book is a real eye opener and it is not just for people who's wives are leaving, this is a must read for anyone looking for solid advice on relationships

His suggestions are all total common sense but somehow escape many of us. In this case the advice on relationships that T.W. hands out is totally unconventional, things that you will not hear from the $100.00 per hour relationship doctor's or get from most relationship books. You might want to check this out for yourself by clicking the link below, you can start by watching an under 10 minute video where T.W. talks about the power of acceptance

http://www.squidoo.com/Getting-Ex-Back-2

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adrian_P.

Top Six Predictors of Divorce - What You Can Do About the Things That Are Crippling Your Marriage

2009-03-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

Is your marriage in a rough spot? Odds are that you and your spouse have some of these challenges which researchers call risk factors. If you and your spouse find yourself anywhere on your list don't despair these are simply risk factors and do not determine the future of your marriage and it probably just means that you will need some help or good information to help get on a path towards marital health.

Here is the list of the top 6 risk factors that predict divorce.

1. You married when you were teenagers.

Study after study shows that age at marriage is one of the most powerful and consistent predictors of marital stability. If you marry before you turn twenty, you are much likely to divorce.

2. You lived together before you were married.

This one is counter intuitive to most people because they assume that living together will increase the quality of their marriage. However study after study is showing that that divorce rates are constantly higher for those who live together before they are married.

3. Your parents were divorced.

If you are your spouse come from a divorced family you are more likely to get a divorce. However if one of you comes from a home where there was a good marriage model then these risks actually go down.

4. You get pregnant before you are married.

The good news is that couples with children actually have lower divorce rates however, if their child is born seven months or before they are married then their risk for divorce actually goes up.

5. You haven't been married very long.

Most divorces happen early, often in the first year and about half by year 7. It makes sense to stick it out and let your marriage have a chance.

6. You make less than $25,000 a year.

Issues around money are some of the most common and deadly to marriages.

So again, if you find yourself on this list just remember these are the things that you can't change. So if you are worried about your marriage, if you are fighting all the time, or if you are talking about divorce you should know that there is hope. With the right information and a willingness to work on your marriage you can save it and make it something that is life giving to you both.

By Kimberly P. James

So take action right now and learn How To Save Your Marriage simply Click Here and you can learn how to make the changes your marriage needs to survive and then thrive

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kimberly_P._James

To Divorce Or Not - 5 Signs Divorce May Be the Best Option

2009-03-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

Divorce is a painful life transition for most people and should not be undertaken lightly. However, if you have tried all you know to improve the relationship and there are certain dealbreakers in place, it may be that the relationship is best off ending before things get worse. Here are 5 signs divorce may be the best decision:

1. You and your partner are committing serial infidelity. An affair can end up strengthening a marriage if the result is better communication and accountability between the partners. But if one or both are continually betraying the other, there is no way to build a foundation of any kind of trust in the marriage. Moreover, the physical dangers of disease in a non-monogamous relationship are very real.

2. There is untreated addiction in your partner. If your partner abuses drugs and alcohol, then the marriage is an unstable and unbalanced one. You are running the risk of being affected by legal issues (DUI's, personal injury, etc), and may be endangering your very safety as well (for example if you get in a car with your intoxicated spouse). Your partner is going to continue to be consumed with obtaining the substance and will not be fully present in the relationship.

3. Your partner is physically abusive. If your partner harms or threatens to harm you physically in any way, please contact a counselor or shelter that specializes in domestic violence. You will need guidance to navigate this difficult situation. Keep in mind, physical abuse often escalates and you need to do all you can to protect yourself.

4. Your partner is emotionally and psychologically abusive. This type of abuse may be more difficult to detect, but it can be very destructive to your psyche. It can keep you depressed and feeling inferior, isolated, incompetent, and even crazy. The best treatment starts with removal from the influence of the abuser.

5. Your partner suffers from a personality disorder. Chances are, the disorder will drive your partner to commit some of the aforementioned hurtful acts. Unfortunately, personality disorders like narcissism and sociopathy/psychopathy are hard wired into the psyche of the individual, and there is no definitive cure or consistently effective treatment. If your partner is wired to be callous, unfeeling, and concerned with self above all others, continuing on in the destructive relationship is unlikely to yield better results for you.

By Shannon E Cook

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_E_Cook

How Can I Fix My Relationship With My Ex Wife?

2009-03-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

If your ex wife starts to exhibit more interest in you, and even begins to flirt with you, do not jump the gun even though this is a really good signal. Are you asking yourself "can I fix my relationship with my ex wife?"

Your ex wife is unquestionably thinking about getting you back with signs like these. Don't just jump straight into things even though you do want to get back with your ex wife. Your ex wife will in all likelihood respond better if you play a little hard to get. Your ex wife may start pushing you away again if you suddenly jump into things full force. If your ex wife is giving you indications that they want you back, then that was probably triggered by you playing hard to get in the very first place.

Often after a break up you will start to miss each other and star longing to get back together again. This is seen more often when a relationship has lasted a year or more. Because of the time your ex wife has spent with you, they are more than likely going to miss you. There are several other emotions kicking in here, such as past regrets. If you're thinking "can I fix my relationship with my ex wife", there is a very good chance that your ex wife is thinking the same thing.

Sometimes following a break up your ex wife may show signs of wanting you back, but it could be just a game. They may simply be trying to get attention because they realize that you still love them, but they may not even intend to get you back. So, unless your ex wife really does want to spend time more with you, there maybe a chance that they are just passing time because they don't have anyone else. In the worst case scenario you ex wife might be just trying to get back at you. This is one reason why it's important to take your time and not rush into things, you need to focus on the situation before you act on it.

This is quite common, and many people start thinking "can I fix my relationship with my ex wife?", but in all honesty, before you act, you should get a feel for the situation first. In reality, if your ex wife does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will keep you from getting hurt if your ex wife is not really serious about getting back with you.

By Daniel Coles

Can I really fix my relationship?

Yes of course you can, you just need a plan of action, you need to know what the psychological triggers are, once armed with that knowledge you will soon have her back. Watch a great free video that shows you exactly what you must never ever do and exactly what you should do to after a break up and how to get your ex wife back and fix your relationship

If you have already done those things that you should NEVER do, then don't worry, you will learn how to reverse the situation quickly and easily

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Daniel_Coles

Top Signs to Know When Your Marriage is Over - This Is What Experts Have to Say

2009-03-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

There sometimes comes a point in your relationship when you anxiously want to know if your marriage is over. You wonder if your marriage is showing problem signs of a troubled marriage. It's not exactly one of those things you would like to ask but the stress, the fights, even the silence become all too unbearable that you can't help but think about an impending divorce.

Listed below are three things your relationship may be experiencing that could show signs that the marriage is over or at least going there.

1. You can't stand each other anymore.

Of course there are times in a normal marriage when you feel you can't stand your husband/wife. But this one is different. This is the kind of feeling that sits with anger in your heart. You could not even think about how or why you fell in love with him/her in the first place. You look at him/her and all you see are the bad things. And this feeling gnaws your very soul every single day. Every time you see him. Every time you sleep next to him.

2. It's A Sexless Marriage

Sex is very important part in any marriage. It takes you to a level of intimacy that in one way or the other affirms you love each other.

When sex is absent in marriage (and i don't mean not doing it for a week), it takes away a special connection between couples. And if it goes on for months or even years, it contributes to a troubled relationship as well. And this could be a primary factor of the marriage leading to being over.

3. Communication Breakdown

When you've both given up talking to each other. Or when you do start to talk, you ALWAYS end up screaming, shutting the door, or walking out, there's obviously a breakdown in communication.

This is a very common reason in marriages breaking up. Being able to talk and iron things out is an extremely important factor in the survival of a relationship.

These are some of the signs of a troubled marriage. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of your marriage.

By David Fausto

There are ways to saving a marriage even when you´re the only one who wants to work at it. Go to http://savingamarriage.info to learn how to re-ignite the fires in your relationship

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=David_Fausto

Can You Deny Your Spouse a Divorce? What If You Don't Sign the Divorce Papers?

2009-03-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

Many of the people who find my blog do so because they absolutely don't want a divorce and they want to save their marriage at all costs. I often get emails that say things like: "My spouse wants a divorce. How can I stop this? What if I refuse to sign the divorce papers? What if I dodge being served? How can I stop this process? Can I deny them a divorce?"

First off, I'm by no means an attorney and the law varies from state to state, but you can't just stick your head in the sand and refuse to see what's going on around you. Pretending that it's not happening won't make it go away. In many states, all that refusing to sign the papers will get you is a default divorce. You have a certain amount of time to file an answer to their petition. And, if you don't respond, they can ask the judge to default you for your lack of response. So, essentially, not answering or refusing to be served can ultimately result in a divorce anyway. In my opinion, this is a very faulty strategy. I'll tell you what I think is a better tactic below.

Why Refusing To Cooperate Is Not The Answer: If you want to stop or deny the divorce, it's very likely that you want to take (or not take) this action because you want to stay married. You don't want to be divorced and you want to save your marriage. And, you think that the only way for this to happen is to strategically try to block them from successfully divorcing you.

But, sometimes, we can't see the forest for the trees. Think about this for a second. Let's say that you got your way and were successful. Let's say that you could stay married by refusing to cooperate or sign the papers. What would that get you in the end? Your spouse would be very angry that you denied them what they wanted. They would only be remaining married to you because they had no other choice. Is that how you want your marriage to look? Is that the way that you want to live? Of course not.

Instead, you want for them to WANT to remain married to you. You want two committed people who are willing to work together to rescue this relationship. But, you're never going to get that if you dig in your heels, butt heads with them, and remain completely combative. You can not make them want to stay married to you by being their adversary. You'll have to change course to have any chance of luring them back into the marriage.

The Best Way To Remain Married When Your Spouse Is Trying To Divorce You: The best way to turn this thing around is to somehow convince them that they want to remain married to you - that the divorce is a mistake. Obviously, it's not likely that they'll make this turnaround if you are fighting them tooth and nail.

So, you'll need to become their ally rather than their adversary. You need to sit them down and tell them that although you are going to protect yourself if this divorce (it would be absolutely silly not to), you don't want to allow this to deteriorate your relationship. State that you hope that you can both proceed and act in a way that you can both be proud of. Tell them that you will no longer act in a combative way and that although you would very much like to save the marriage, you can't control how they feel or what they think. You can only control yourself. And, you're going to do that by handling this with dignity and grace.

Divorce mediation is an excellent tool. Many readers tell me that the mediation actually helped to restore some positive aspects of the relationship. Many people will avoid mediation because they think that it brings the divorce closer, but the professionals who mediate can often help you find common ground. You very much need this if you want to save your marriage.

When I explain this to people, some will respond with "are you telling me to just give up? I'm just supposed to give in and accept the divorce?" No, that's not what I'm saying. In truth, you are fighting the divorce. You're planning to save the marriage, but they can't know that because if they do, they're going to think that everything that comes out of your mouth is going to be part of a plan to make sure they change their mind. And in this scenario, they aren't going to really listen to a word you say.

By making these concessions, you're making them think it's safe to listen to you again, that they don't have to avoid you at all costs anymore. This is important because in order to save your marriage, you will need to have access to them.

The First Steps To Getting Them To Want To Stay Married Rather Than Wanting A Divorce: There's no denying that you have a lot of work to do. Going from the brink of divorce to a couple who is saving a marriage takes a lot of finesse. But, the first step in this process is turning their negative perceptions of you and your marriage into positive ones. They can't cringe or become angry every time they think of or look at you.

By no means does this happen over night. It takes tiny baby steps and accepting small victories. But, you have to break down things day by day, meeting by meeting. Your primary goal should simply be to make every meeting and encounter turn out positively. This won't happen every time, but each positive meeting will build upon itself until they are actually looking forward to seeing you.

Once you've reached this level, then you should start restoring fun, pleasurable shared experiences. What you're trying to do is to rebuild the intimacy, connection, and trust. You're trying to reignite the two people who once fell in love. This often requires for you to dig deep and to bring forth those attributes that your partner first fell in love with. Did he used to love your sense of humor and the way you listened intently to him? Well, now's the time to make sure that he sees these sides of you. Make sure that every single thing that he used to adore about you are on full display now.

When I was trying to save my own marriage, my husband's mind was made up. He was going forward with moving out and then the divorce. Of course, I initially dodged service and refused to sign the divorce papers, but this only made things worse. Thankfully, I realized my tactics were not working and changed course. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but save our marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane

What is the Most Important Thing in a Marriage?

2009-02-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

What is the most important thing in a marriage relationship? Communication? The ability to resolve conflict?

Actually, neither.

While communication is important, just as is resolving conflict, experience with thousands of couples taught me that the most important thing is respect. That means giving esteem and honor as well as demonstrating regard and consideration to each other. Most of the couples we see in our workshop for marriages in crisis, LovePath 911, offer little or no respect to each other (or at least one to the other). Healthy, happy couples do. Much of our phenomenal success in saving marriages given up on by everyone else is due to our helping couples learn and put into practice this crucial truth.

So how does one respect another person, and communicate that respect in effective manner?

It all has to do with acceptance. People tend to paint a picture that they believe others wish to see. You may paint one picture at work, another at home, and still another at church. You paint those pictures because you want others to accept you. However, like the rest of us, it is likely that what you really want - deep in your heart - is to be loved for the person you are rather than the picture you paint. God knows that about human beings and made a point of telling us that He loves us "while we were yet sinners." (Rom 5:8)

Though you realize that no human can love as unconditionally as God, it's extremely likely that deep within you crave a mate with whom you can be your true self. The person who will know all your flaws, strengths, sins, and virtues, yet accepts and loves you anyway - even if he or she does not accept certain of your behaviors. Yet, when you fall in love, your beloved becomes the most frightening person to show yourself openly. What if your mate rejects you after when bare your soul? There is no way to take it back, to pretend you did not share what you shared. Therefore, you, as do so many others, probably hide at least part of your true self from the one you love.

So how does a marriage grow to a level where each can love the other as the person instead of the picture they want that person to be? To have the deepest love possible with your spouse, you must learn to accept yourself as you are and your companion as he or she is.

Allow me to share one of the most important things I have learned in life: "The most crucial dimension for falling in love is acceptance. I will not love a person that I do not accept, even if that person is me."

Jesus said it this way, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." It is a basic concept of life; if you do not love yourself properly, you will not love others well. The secret to falling in love and staying in love is to accept the imperfections and flaws that you have, even if you can do something about them. I call it satisfied dissatisfaction. Sound ridiculous, like some kind of double speak? Actually, it is based on a quote by the famous psychologist Carl Rogers, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change...we cannot change, we cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept what we are. Then change seems to come almost unnoticed." When you learn to love yourself, flaws and all, you then can learn to deeply love another as they are, not as the picture you wish them to be.

That, of course, leads to a very important question: What do you do if you are hurt by or do not like what your spouse tells you about him- or herself? Accept that his or her actions or feelings as true - even if that hurts - and from that acceptance grow into a deeper, more loving relationship. How? The key is found in this quote from Carl Rogers, "When we accept others as they are, they change." It again is satisfied dissatisfaction. Accept the person as he or she is - with all imperfections and flaws - and you will witness that person change for the better. Note that does not mean that you must accept all his/her behaviors (abuse, immorality, etc.) If you wish to see this type love demonstrated well, read the Gospels again and note how Jesus changed sinners by first accepting who they really were and then loving them into the people they could be.

If you feel accepted as you are, you feel loved. If you feel accepted only if you paint a picture that you believe your spouse wants you to be, you will doubt the depth of his or her love.

When you accept your mate as he or she is, that person feels loved. If your spouse feels accepted by you only when they paint the picture that you wish them to paint, they will doubt the depth of your love.

Learn to accept yourself as you are so that you can learn to accept the one you love as he or she is. This is the most important dimension of love. There is great research indicating that couples work out even the most difficult of problems when they learn to accept each other as they are - tolerance without resentment.

By Joe Beam

Marriage Expert Joe Beam offers seminars and resources for those having Marital Problems. The seminars offer real solutions for breakthrough, to help save marriages.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joe_Beam

Three Things You Need to Know to Be Successful in Marriage

2009-02-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

Marriages are made in heaven'! Be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage, it's a long term commitment that an individual takes for the entire period of his/her life! The love that blossoms between the husband and the wife in a marriage has to continue and the bond that flowers in a marriage has to remain sweet for the entire lifetime if it has to really be successful.

Staying married is tough when compared to getting married. You might love the whether when it is chill and cold. You may even hate the scorching sun. But you can never blame the weather and become unhappy just because the climate changes often. Likewise, married life is always a mix of both happiness and hardships. Whether it's going to be a roller coaster rise or a smooth and comforting journey, it all depends on the partners involved.

Are you aware of the top three things that can help you in being successful in marriage? Read ahead n get to know what they really are?

The three pillars that can make marriage successful are:

1.Trust for each other

This is the most critical factor that can make a marriage really successful.
If the husband starts suspecting on anything that the wife does at home or with the home finances or vice versa then the very incident spells friction and a weakening relationship. The sense of living for each other is important. The building of marriage has to be built on the pillars of the principles embraced by both the partners involved.

2.Mutual Respect and a Sense of Altruism

As a person, both the wife and the husband have to have mutual respect for each other. The spouse should know how his/her partner will act on a given situation. The husband and the wife are humans as individuals but the factor binding them should be their common faiths and beliefs on which their marriage is built upon.

Ego is the first enemy that can strain the relationship that comes up with a marriage. Stay away from egoistic feelings if you really want your marriage to be successful.

3.Endurance

Life is not always a bed of roses. Roses have thorns too. When you face a hardship or when you are in distress, its utmost duty of both the husband and the wife to work towards coming out of it. Passing the blame won't help in married life. Marriage is a life long commitment where endurance is a must to make it successful

By Pattrick Angaisn

If you are struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner, then you need to sign up at our newsletter by clicking this link - http://www.howtosavemymarriage.net. For those who are looking for a happy marriage, click Romantic Rules.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pattrick_Angaisn

4 Clear Signs to Tell You That Your Marriage is Over and Dead - Do Not Say I Did Not Warn You

2009-02-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

There are clear signs to tell you that your is over and dead; but some of us are too blind to see all the writings on the wall that your once happy marriage is already bankrupt and is in serious crisis. When you started the marriage journey together with your spouse, you pictured an active, happy and successful marriage life for yourself and your partner.

According to Proverbs 30: 33, "The squeezing of the nose is what brings forth blood, and the squeezing out of anger is what brings forth quarreling." That small discussion over how to reduce spending may quickly degenerate into an attack on each other's character ("you are spendthrift"). If your spouse "squeezes your nose" by attacking your character, you may be tempted to retaliate and this may lead into anger and escalation of the disagreement.

Here are 4 clear signs to tell you that your marriage is over and dead. Do not say I did not warn you!

Anger at every little thing
You and your spouse used to discuss and joke over every little issue of life in a hearty and comfortable manner. Now, the smallest word or remark leads to aggressive verbal attack and a violent slap. If this is the case, it suggests a deep-rooted resentment for your spouse. When marriage mates cannot control their tongue and anger, small remarks can quickly flare into serious fights or conflicts. Marriages that are repeatedly ravaged by such behavior are clear signs to tell you that your marriage is over and dead.

No more sex
Married couples who once frequently enjoyed the marriage bed together now begin to avoid each other like lepers, and there is no sign of making up after series of complaints by one partner, it is a clear sign to tell you that your marriage is over and dead.

Secretive
In the past, you and your spouse used to share and discuss minor issues together and suddenly, your spouse no longer informs you of a major investment. If your spouse no longer shares common information with you and no longer trust you with information, these are clear signs to tell you that your marriage is heading for the rock.

Late Night phone conversations
If your spouse begins to engage in nightly phone call conversations in a hush and low tone, know that your spouse is already enjoying a secret relationship outside. This is a clear sign to tell you that your marriage is over. Your spouse is already enjoying the relationship outside and is waiting to serve you with divorce papers.

Most marriage mates end up in divorce court because they are too blind to see the clear signs that their marriage is over. They wait until it is too late to get the necessary help to save their marriage and bring back the shine into the relationship.

By Barbara Kingsley-Johnson

Do you know that you can deal with marital problems before it swells up to the level of deep-seated resentment and hurt feelings which can cause your spouse to become emotionally detach from you? Did you know that there are specific techniques you need to help cast off the devil creeping into your marriage faster than you think? Learn the techniques now and teach it to your children to help eradicate the rising rate of divorce in our society now.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Kingsley-Johnson

Marriage Failure - Learn Why Your Marriage is Failing

2009-02-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Marriage failure is so much more common in the 21st century, unfortunately many couples do not stay together and divorces are very common. Fortunately, my newly revealed professional tips will guide you to success with your marriage and make sure that you don't experience marriage failure. Below are my newly revealed tips; follow these tips closely and you'll prevent your marriage from failing.

One common mistake of marriage failure is a lack communication, if you are not communicating with one another; expect your marriage to fail. Communication is an absolute necessity if you want to keep your marriage alive. If you do not know how to communicate properly, start off by talking to each other about current problems you're facing. This will enable you to begin communicating successfully and getting your marriage back on track.

Another common mistake of marriage failure is a lack of chemistry; chances are that you and your spouse are not as close as you once used to be. This is a huge problem, because you no longer communicate and begin to quickly lose interest. To get chemistry back to what it used to be: take your spouse out to eat, be romantic, and enjoy yourself connecting once again with your spouse. With solid communication and redeveloping chemistry you are one step closer to getting your marriage back and preventing marriage failure.

Sometimes these things are not enough, it's because a third party is involved. Don't fret, it's not too late, you can still save your marriage from marriage failure! If a third party is involved, you must end it quickly and confront your spouse about it. Playing dumb is not the answer and will only lead to hurt feelings, typically when you confront your spouse about a third party they will come clean if not continue trying, only do this if you're sure there is a third party involved. Once you've established the situation, begin working things out with building back your chemistry and also developing solid communication skills with one another.

Sometimes when these three tips aren't enough, more tips are needed. If you are curious on how to stop your marriage from failing, learn more tips on how to prevent marriage failure today!

By Rudy Pedraza

Discover how The Magic of Making Up can help you save your marriage and get your partner back by going to http://www.comegetanswers.com The Magic of Making Up now has over 6100 satisfied customers in over 67 countries!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rudy_Pedraza

Marriage Advice - The Best Way to Stop Conflict

2009-02-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

Conflict obviously can begin to damage your marriage. The more conflict, the less love and pleasure the both of you receive. If conflict continues over months or years, it can kill off your marriage. There are lots of courses and classes you can take on how to handle conflict in a healthy way. You can watch Dr Phil and read books and soon learn how to reduce the fighting and arguing in your relationship.

So learning to turn conflict into caresses, fight fair, and go for win win are good skills to develop that will reward you long term with a better marriage. But what if there was a way to stop conflict before it started? What if there was a way to reduce the conflict in your marriage by over 50%?

There is a way to stop conflict that you can use in your marriage today, within minutes from reading this page. This approach to stopping conflict is one of the most powerful you will ever find, and it is so simple it almost never gets talked about. The way to stop conflict before it gets started is to PLAY more in your marriage with your spouse.

That's right, Play! Studies have shown the more play there is in your relationship, the less conflict. It makes sense, doesn't it? You got into your relationship in the beginning because you liked to play with your partner. Go to movies, dinner, hikes, share coffee, go dancing, etc. In the beginning we all played a lot with our mates. In the beginning there was more play by far than fighting and conflict.

But then time passes and we get married. We have jobs and responsibilities and burdens and kids. Over time the play can begin to disappear from our marriage. And then the fighting and conflict will begin to increase.

So to stop fighting at the source start to play with your spouse more on purpose. Have one date night per week where you do something together you both enjoy. Find a few other times during the week to have spontaneous sex, fun or play with your mate. Add play back in with your spouse and observe what happens.

Increasing the play in your marriage will reduce the conflict. It may be difficult at first, if you've gotten out of the habit with each other, but it is fun to change that habit. So spend a little time planning to play and see for yourself how much conflict begins to diminish between you using this little secret.

By John Laney

You can discover more marriage advice in the book How To Have The Marriage You Want. Johnnie S Laney teaches courses on relationship intelligence. You can get a free course on 7 Vital Relationship Insights for your marriage here at Save Marriage Advice.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_Laney

Better a Marriage - 5 Ways You Can Better Yours

2009-02-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

There are many things which can cause difficulties in your marriage, this article aims to reveal the top 5 things that cause harm to your marriage. Knowing these and how to avoid them will result in you having a better marriage and avoiding all the useless arguing and fighting you may be going through.

In my mind there are five main points that require attention when wanting to better your marriage. The first of these is having adequate respect for your partner. The number one reason why married couples begin to have problems is because they take there spouse for granted. Believing that your spouse will always be there or you no matter what is a mistake, having your spouse there for you is a privilege and needs to be treated as such if it is to remain. Dedicating time towards your spouse and making an effort to be thoughtful, appreciative, respectful and supportive ensures your relationship will stay healthy.

Not taking your spouse for granted goes far beyond simply remembering her birthday or buying her flowers. It involves understanding how they feel and being tuned in to their needs and desires. It involves being open with your spouse, listening to them when they are trying to communicate and treating everything they say with an open mind and understanding.

Secondly I believe that sex is one of the most important parts of your relationship, this is contrary to what many experts say. Remember back to when you first met and the first feelings of lust you had for one another. Leave romantic notes for your partner when your not there, flirt with your partner like you did when you first met. Don't let sex become nonexistent in your relationship. Allow time every week (or more if you want) to be intimate with your spouse. Try moving the television or other distractions out of the bedroom, try it in other rooms of the house. Pleasing and being pleased by your spouse helps to build emotional bonds, ensures each party is satisfied and will lead to a happier and more loving marriage.

Thirdly, don't become lazy. Agree to and do your fair share of chores and duties around the house. If you like living in a peaceful, relaxing and clean home then you and your spouse will need to devise and implement a maintenance plan. this will insure everyday tasks such as cooking, shopping, cleaning, child care etc. are taken care of and don't cause unnecessary arguments or troubles. In your marriage these tasks are joint responsibilities. Also take time when making your family budget, listen to what your partner wants and decide on a budget you are both happy with. An uncluttered, clean and organized home is a home that is conducive to creating a better relationship and ensuring a tranquil and stress free environment.

Finance can often be a major cause of problems in marriage. The both of you can have different ideas about what to do with your earnings and savings if you have not previously discussed your financial goals and aspirations. When money is tight, stress over paying bills and meeting other financial requirements can create disagreements between you and your spouse. Proper financial planning can help to overcome all of these problems, if necessary attend a few financial planning seminars or seek help from an expert. Discuss your financial plans and worries with your partner so you have an understanding where each of you stand.

Finally try to simplify and relax your everyday life. Take into account the time you spend at work, on hobbies or pastimes and compare this to quality time you spend with your spouse. Consider reevaluating some of your commitments in order to gain more time with your spouse. If you are over worked and stressed not spending enough time with your spouse can lead to a lack of interest and possibly even resentment. When you took your vows you both pledged to be their for one another, to make each other happy. This is as true today as the day of your marriage. Take it upon yourself to get back the marriage you and your partner deserve and want.

By Jon Caston

Getting your marriage back on track can seem like a daunting task. If you would like help getting your marriage back on track click here; Marriage problems for reviews of products we have found to be a notch above the rest. I also run a Marriage problems blog which contains a lot more information and articles on the topic of saving a dysfunctional marriage.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jon_Caston

Steps to Take If Your Husband Wants Out of the Marriage and You Still Love Him

2009-02-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

If your husband wants out of the marriage and you are still deeply committed to the relationship, the two of you are at a crossroads. You have to make a decision about whether you are willing to give up a future with the man you married and love, or whether you are ready to move on without him. If you are determined to keep your family together, you need a plan of attack to win back your husband's love. It's not nearly as difficult as it sounds if you always remember that at one time he loved you deeply.

Marriages change and start falling apart for many reasons. The stresses of everyday life including paying bills and raising children can have a strong impact on how a couple interacts. Resentment can also build if you and your husband are struggling with any ongoing issues. Couples can often reach a point where they rarely talk because they know their discussions will become heated because of the tension already there between them. If this is happening in your relationship you need to take control of the situation. You need to find a solution to the problem and without a doubt that is going to mean compromise on your part. You have to weigh whether the issue at hand is worth risking your marriage for.

Another matter that is often at the root of difficulties in marriages is that the partners have just stopped appreciating each other. If your husband doesn't feel that you are grateful for what he brings to your life, his feelings for you are bound to shift. If your husband wants out of the marriage it's easy to tell him that you love him and are thankful for what he does for you, but it's much more effective if you show him. Start complimenting him and thank him when he contributes to the household or does specific things for you. Cook his favorite dinner and plan some activities that you know he enjoys. Make him feel special and valued again. That can go a long way to helping heal a broken relationship.

By Gillian Reynolds

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married.

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Men and Divorce - What You Need to Know!

2009-02-08T05:55:00.000-08:00

I do not want to disappoint you right off the bat, but to include all the information of what you need to know about surviving a divorce would easily fill a 100-page book. Fortunately there are many books and guides out that are excellent resources, and can cover all the bases from first realizing that your divorce is imminent to how to recover, both financially and emotionally. My goal is to point out the main issues that you need to be constantly thinking about during the entire divorce process.

The first key is to come to the realization that you marriage is not going well. It is not hard to pick up on the clues that neither of you are happy in your current situation. But the big question is what are you going to do about it. Marriage counseling is an option, but both of you need to put in the effort to make things better. One person cannot do it alone. A separation is also an option, but I personally do not advocate it. During my separation, I found that all we did was drift farther apart, and the arguing only seemed to get worse. The final and most likely option is just to admit that a divorce may be the only route to take.

When you come to that decision where you know that a divorce is the near future it is important that you don't panic. Don't run straight out and hire the first divorce attorney that you find. The key is to remain as level-headed as possible. Sure you should meet with several attorneys and consult with them about your divorce, but leave your checkbook at home. Look for advice, ask questions, and listen to what they have to say, but do not hand over that $2000 retainer until the time is right. Trust me you will know!

If you have the option to settle your divorce civilly then by all means work for it. It is a much smoother, less stressful process than having two divorce attorneys duke it out over who is going to get the living room furniture. Letting the divorce attorneys take control of the whole process is the quickest way to end up with a fat attorney bill when the whole thing is finally over. Do not bicker with your wife over small frivolous things. Try to come to some kind of agreement before getting the divorce attorneys involved. These attorneys tend to have knack for making situations worse than they actually are. So obviously you don't want them making all the decisions for you.

But if you are in a situation where you and your wife cannot seem to resolve the bigger issues, then it is time to allow the divorce attorneys "lead" you in the right direction. Unfortunately, this is when the legal fees start to build up, but when you are fighting for important issues like your home, your kids, and you livelihood, it is well worth the money to allow an "expert" do the negotiating for you. Especially if your wife is being unreasonable about important issues like, who gets custody of the kids, alimony/maintenance payments, and/or child support. You need to choose your battles wisely and fight for the important things. Don't ever let your emotions (ie. anger, spite, etc) take control of your decision making. That makes for a long divorce case, and believe me others will see what you are up to (especially the judge!).

The whole idea is to use your brain throughout the entire divorce process, and know what is truly worth fighting for. No matter what path your wife and her divorce attorney choose to take, you always need to be the bigger person. They want to make you angry. They want you to act on your emotions. They want you to make stupid mistakes. And I promise you the judge will take note of all of this. Don't let your wife play the victim of your divorce. That is the role that they want to portray and if they pull it off, I guarantee that you will end up on the losing end of this entire thing.

By Christoph Hickory

Take a look at all new Men's Divorce Headquarters where you can find a lot more free tips and information on the whole divorce process

There could easily be something on this site that could turn your whole case around.

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3 Reasons Why Couples Break Up - Can You Prevent it From Happening?

2009-02-08T05:52:00.000-08:00

Men and women are different in so many ways but it is undeniable that they need each other. Their physical and emotional desires make it possible for a romantic relationship to blossom. Unfortunately, not all couples have succeeded in keeping the relationship for good. Relationships are really complicated and there are a number of reasons why couples break up.

Here are the top 3 undeniable reasons why couples break up:

Incompatibility. This is one of the reasons why couples break up. Couples realize after being together for sometime that they have different outlook, wants and desires in life. Instead of enjoying their differences and learn from each other's uniqueness, they cannot find a common ground to achieve each other's needs and this incompatibility leads to separation. They failed to realize that it is not the degree of their differences that counts but how couples manage their differences or incompatibilities. There are issues of irreconcilable differences and they thought that the only way out is to take different paths and that is why couples break up eventually.

Falling out of love. This is another reason why couples break up. Couples have different reasons for falling out of love. Some admits that they've lost interest and desire with the relationship because it is so predictable and boring. Parenthood, jobs and careers brings challenges into the relationship and the excitement of the relationship is replaced by responsibilities and routine activities. It is a slow death and they allowed romance and love to disappear in the middle of all those responsibilities and routines and just woke up one day that they do not love their spouse anymore. The sameness, the lack of excitement and the lack of time for each other are some of the reasons for falling out of love and why couples break up.

Infidelity or getting attracted to someone else. This is the most painful reason why couples break up. Finding someone else and falling in love to the point that your spouse wants to leave you. When couples are faced with infidelity problems, most of them failed to survive and restore their marital relationship and end up in separation and divorce. They cannot imagine living with someone who's been unfaithful and a cheater that is why couples break up once infidelity becomes an issue. They overlooked the fact that infidelity does not always lead to separation and there are couples who tried to reconcile and succeeded. Of course there are lingering pains and resentment brought by the unfaithfulness and violation of your trust but there are couples who were able to overcome all these things and revived their marriage.

By Gerry Restrivera

If your relationship or marriage falls into these 3 categories and you are in the verge of separation, can you prevent it from happening? The answer is a resounding Yes! Discover proven methods to getting your marriage back on track and put an end to your stress and worries of not knowing what to do to save your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today

To know more about love and relationships visit All About Relationships

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including 3 Reasons Why Couples Break Up- Can You Prevent it From Happening? You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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10 Ways To Avoid An Expensive And Messy Divorce!

2009-02-08T05:49:00.000-08:00

Divorce is never an easy journey...and with limited resources these days, it is essential to think about the total process and your true goals before embarking on one of the most challenging experiences of your life. Listed below are Ten Ways To Avoid An Expensive and Messy Divorce and more importantly, ways to get you thinking about the process. Divorce itself is already a challenge...the Journey doesn't have to be. So get out a pen and paper and read on!

1. ADDRESS YOUR EMOTIONS: I know this may be an extremely difficult task, but it's very important BEFORE you can move on with your dissolution process and your life. If you are feeling angry, identify why you are angry. If you are hurt, identify for yourself why you are hurt, etc. If you are having difficulty identifying your feelings, it might be beneficial for you to contact either a family member or professional (maybe a therapist) who can help you deal with your emotions. From what I've seen lately, it's clear that before you can move on to deal with the dissolution or to move on with life in general, it's important to honestly address your emotions.

2. YOUR CHILDREN FEEL YOUR PAIN: Please always keep in mind that your children are watching you. They understand when you are upset and if you do not address their feelings, they to may begin to panic! Avoid stress as it relates to your children by listening to their concerns and identifying what you feel is appropriate to tell them about your approaching divorce. It might be beneficial to also allow your children to seek professional help if you feel it's necessary. Additionally, if possible, try to keep your children's schedule as "consistent" as possible during this difficult time.

3.DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU OWN: It is extremely important to identify what you own and all of your assets, i.e. your house or rental properties, your cars, 401(K), Retirement Accounts, Bank Accounts, etc. This will help identify what you may need to discuss with your divorce attorney and/or your spouse.

4. DO YOU KNOW YOUR DEBT: Identify the debt that you and your spouse may have. How many credit cards do you and your spouse own, is there a Line of Credit on your home? Do you have student loans? Did you take a loan on your 401 (k), etc.

5.WHAT'S YOUR BOTTOM LINE?: Once you have identified your children's needs, a breakdown of your assets, and a breakdown of your debts, it's important to ask yourself: What are my goals in terms of the assets, debts, the children? If your spouse asked you, "Honey what do you want?" What would be your response? Absent family, friends, attorneys and what you've heard about divorce, really take time to think about YOUR "Bottom Line."

6. MEDIATION v. LITIGATION: This is an extremely important decision. "Mediation" is a good choice if you and your spouse are seeking an alternative to "traditional litigation" and are willingly to attempt to work out your differences with a third party, instead of "litigating" or allowing the courts to decide your fate. Mediation also tends to be much cheaper! In Mediation you and your spouse negotiate your final outcome instead of attorneys and the court system. Your second option is what I call "traditional litigation." With this option, you both get attorneys, one side files for the divorce, the other side responds, you may have several court appearances etc. This option tends to be a bit more expensive and a bit longer than mediation.

7. COMMUNICATE: If possible, talk to your spouse and try your best to discuss what you feel is best for your family in terms of dividing your assets, your debts, doing what's best for your children, and how you wish to proceed with your divorce. This discussion might ease the difficulty and stress of the divorce and allow the two of you to begin to discuss your options.

8. MAKE A DECISION: Decide if you can what YOU and potentially your spouse think is best for your family in terms of "mediation" or "litigation." This will require you to decide if the two of you can work together with one attorney to meet your needs, or if you think you both need your own attorneys for possible court intervention.

9. CHOOSE AN ATTORNEY: Once you have done ALL of the above...then you must choose an attorney that best fits YOUR needs. You will at this point seek out someone who can either assist you as a "mediator" or "litigator" depending on your goals.

10. BREATHE! You are now on to the next chapter in your life.

By Demetria Graves

By: Demetria L. Graves, Esq.

The Law Offices of Demetria L. Graves

http://www.attorneygraves.com

What you receive from this article is not intended to be legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

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