Mars And Venus... Actually

New Life for mars and venus... actually

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 14:52:00 +0000

Finally, I have come to a conclusion on revamping mars and venus... actually. Since I made a new blog on beauty product reviews over at http://puniaogoodies.blogspot.sg/, I might as well include beauty related posts in there as well.

Times are different now, men are starting to take care of their skin more than ever before. As compared to the early 1990s, there is definitely a significance increase in men's skincare line for men who wants to take care of themselves too.

What better opportunity to just simply combine mars and venus... actually and Pu Niao's Beauty Junkie Reviews by just simply posting beauty related topics there? This is practically a best of both worlds scenario for me and and readers.

So, change your bookmarks now. As mars and venus... actually will now be live exclusively over at Pu Niao's Beauty Junkie Reviews instead.

Of course, prevous old articles on mars and venus... actually will still stay here and not be brought over. However, Pu Niao's Beauty Junkie Reviews will have brand new beauty posts instead.

See you all over at Pu Niao's Beauty Junkie Reviews from now on ^^

On Hiatus...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 20:00:00 +0000

I will be on hiatus to revamp mars and venus... actually @ http://marsnvenusactually.blogspot.sg/. The name/title of the blog is actually quite a mouthfull and with the dwindling to non-existent readership, a new direction is needed afterall. All suggestions for a new blog title is welcome and will be taken into readership as well. So stay tuned for more updates.

The right colors for the right occasion

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 06:03:00 +0000

Colors can influence your mood and have a positive effect on the people around you. Here's how to brave three nerve-wrecking situations and pass with flying colors!

1. Job Interview

Wear any shade of red to show that you're dynamic and go-getting. But tone down the fieriness of red with neutral colors such as beige or cream – these are considered “friendly” colors and they suggest that you relate and interact well with people. If you want to give the impression of power, midnight blue or navy blue will do the trick!

2. Meeting his parents

Make an impression with lighter colors such as cream or biege, that suggest you are understanding and willing to cooperate. Pair these lighter tones with your favorite coloe – don't be afraid to wear what you like as the color will reflect your individual identity and personality. Here's a tip: bring a bunch of fresh flowers for his mom in various shades of pink. Besides being a great gesture, pink connects you to the rest of the group and harmonises group energy.

3. A hot date

If it's a friendly, light hearted time you're aiming for, wear orange shades like coral, peach and apricot which are laughter-inducing. If you want a flirty, romantic evening, rose pink or salmon will get the message across. And if it's hot lovin' you're after, aim straight for flaming colors like shocking pink, fuchsia or any shade of red from crimson to maroon – they are perfect for inciting sensual pleasure and passion! But don't throw your trusty LBD away! Black is considered an extremely seductive color, just maximise it by adding accents of red to your outfit, either with a brooch, shoes or a peek-a-boo bra!

#37: Merry Christmas Part 7: Festive Fat-Busters

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 06:01:00 +0000

The year-end festivities are the perfect excuse to have your cake and eat it too. But that doesn't have to mean packing on the pounds.

Everyone love to party, and the Christmas / New Year / Lunar New Year period is just another great excuse to go wild. It can also be a total body blow-out. Identified here are your three worst enemies in the festive season: cocktails, dinner parties and the office drinks. Here's how to minimise the damage.

Cocktail cop-out

It's cocktails galore starting the week before Christmas and ending only on January 1. Having a sneaky strategy and clever wit is often needed to overcome the battlefield of calories at a cocktail gathering. Laugh off the comments graciously, and stand your ground. Nobody is talking total abstinence. But don't feel compelled to pick and nibble just because everyone else is doing so and want to look busy. If the hors d'oeuvres do take your fancy, a small sampling is within reason.

Display your goods: Always put your nibbles on a plate (wherever possible), instead of standing around and popping them straight from the passing waiter's tray. That way you'll keep track of what you're actually eating. Remember: the calories add up even if you forget you've had them.

Pre-party preparation: Attending a cocktail with a growling tummy signals diet danger. Chances are, you'll be so hungry that you won't be able to resist filling up on whatever food's available at the party. Imagine how many of those tiny hors d'oeuvres it would take to satisfy your appetite – and how many calories that adds up to! Finger foods are for light, conversation snacks, not meals. Have a pre-party snack about an hour before heading to the party. Something low in fat, but with carbohydrates and protein so that it's satisfying, such as a wholegrain sandwich with tuna or chicken breast filling, without mayonnaise.

Satisfaction guaranteed: Munching on carrot and celery sticks all night might cause you to lose that holiday mood and make you frustrated. Choose about three or four hors d'oeuvres that you like most in the selection and indulge. Then go back to the veggy snackers and low-cal stuff once your tastebuds have been satisfied.

Cut the calories, without sacrificing the taste: Trim the fat and calories in ways you won't even feel. Fresh, cold seafood makes for healthy finger food, while the same stuff, breaded and fried then served with tartare sauce, is laden with fat. Instead of potato crisps, try water biscuits. And dip them in hummus, tzaziki (a yoghurt-based Greek dip) and salsa instead of guacamole, goose liver pate or melted cheddar cheese. A serving of salsa counts as only 12 calories, while guacamole contains about 108 and goose liver pate has almost 150 calories. Yo do the math!

Tip #1: Put your hands in the air and step away from the chip bowl. Don't make polite conversation next to the bowl of cocktail nuts or buttery popcorn. You'll find yourself reaching constantly for handfuls of the fattening little things, especially during awkward pauses in the conversation. And keep your distance from the buffet spread after you've had your share of the snacks. It's temptation-city otherwise.

The sit-down shenanigan

It's Christmas Eve. Mom's just roasted the most succulent turkey, stuffed it with the yummiest sausage stuffing and there are loads of fried onions and potato salad on the side. But that's not all. You've forgotten the pies, ice-cream, tiramisu, cheesecake (every woman's favorite) and cream cakes. And come New Year, there's your colleague's bash with mounds of fried food and other party favorites that spell trouble for your (now-expanding) waistline. What's a girl to do?

Fill up on veggies and carbohydrates: The biggest party diet faux pas is to totally pig-out on yummy but dangerously-fattening party food. Just one fried chicken wing costs 121 calories. Start with the salads, so you'll be rather less famished by the time you get to the main courses. And when you do, have more rice, vegetables or potatoes (as long as they're not the fried, mashed and chip variety) as fillers, so you'll have less space left for the roasts and curries.

Take your time: Hey, what's the hurry? You're at a party to have fun, not simply to load up on free food. Eat slowly, chew your food well and savour every bite. It's far better for your digestion. Nutritionists suggest putting down your cutlery after every bite, as this tends to slow down your chewing rate. Furthermore, you tend not to eat as much when you take a longer time during a meal. Think about it: you'll still be halfway through your first round while your friends are going for seconds. They when they're at the dessert stage, you'll feel strange going for another round of mains. That way, you cut down on your food intake.

Pick your pieces: Looking forward to Mom's mouth-watering Christmas turkey or Aunt Helen's world-famous honey-roast chicken? Go for the breast. White meat has only half the fat of dark, and is more substantial as a meal. The wing has the least meat, but contains pockets of fat, and lots of fat-laden skin.

Booby traps: Remove all skin from your poultry and all visible fat from your roast beef or tandoori lamb. A major proportion of the calories lurk in these danger zones. Skim off (discreetly, using your spoon or knife) melted butter in your cream sauce, the top layer of oil in your gravies and that thick crust of icing sugar from your cakes. Last but not least, if you absolutely must have your favorite baked potato with all the trimmings, go easy on the sour cream (just a small dab will suffice) and load up on the chives. Sprinkle some salt for taste.

Tit for tat: Go without the wine accompaniment, or soft drinks during dinner and your calories will be better spent on dessert. Better still, have the best of both worlds – egg nog for dessert. That way, you'll have a sweet treat, with an alcohol buzz.

Tip #2: Steer clear of the oil-slicks. It's plain common sense. If you love greasy chicken wings and the like, then by all means have just a little of each. And garnish, don't drown your rice or noodles with oily curries and gravies.

Tip #3: Leave space for dessert. If you've sussed out the dessert spread, and seen stuff that you like, pick just one slice of cake or pie. Or have a small bite of, say, five different desserts. That way you get to have your tiramisu, Christmas pudding, crème brulee and pumpkin pie and eait it too. Otherwise, just stick with the fresh fruits. If you've already pigged out during the main courses and appetisers, skip dessert.

Drinks disaster

There's nothing like the booze to make merry during the holidays. Be afraid, very afraid! A creamy cocktail like pina colada packs a whopping 300 calories (half a cup of premium vanilla ice-cream has just 270 calories). Spend your calories wisely. And that means, slow down on the vino. Also, if you've had a heavy dinner, chances are you'll need more drinks to be merry.

Sip, don't gulp: Resist the urge to guzzle your drink like you would mineral water on a hot day. Remember these are invisible calories that you're consuming, and a few drinks might be the equivalent of a full meal. Anyway, cocktails should be way too elegant to be sculled.

Mix and match: Often, it's not what you mix, and what you mix in it that accounts for the high calorific content of your drink. Creamy mixers like coconut cream (in Pina Colada and Pink Lady), cream or milk (in Kahlua Milk, Bailey's Irish Cream and Flaming Lamborghini) do their share of fat contribution to the blends. Sweet sodas and colas have 150 calories per 12 fluid ounces, while the diet varieties, club soda and tonic water contain practically none.

Beware of the “innocent” culprits: Don't be fooled into thinking that that glass of orange juice you're nursing in your hand is a safe option. Twelve fluid ounces of the seemingly innocent OJ has 166 calories floating about in there. And non-alcoholic beer does only a fraction less caloric harm than the real McCoy. Evian, anyone?

Tip #4: Choose your potion carefully. Not every drink has to contain alcohol. Have a champagne, then ease up with a glass of mineral water. Or choose a drink that's not saturated with sugars. A glass of beer (146 calories for 12 fluid ounces) beats three small glasses of dessert wine (552 calories for the same amount) hands down.

Last but not least, have a Merry Christmas!

#36: Pre-Christmas Part 6: Christmas Cheer

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 06:01:00 +0000

Get the festive fever going...

1. Organise a tree decorating party, complete with eggnog and mistletoe.

2. Have a “carols by candlenight” evening in your home with all your closest friends, and a collection of sheet music of your favorite festive songs.

3. Head for the beach for a Christmas picnic of ham, turkey and salads.

4. Challenge your friends to a competition to see who can come up with the worst Christmas poem to be read at a get-together on Christmas night!

5. Pre-select enjoyable Christmas videos so that you won't be stuck with watching the dreadful endless re-runs of Santa with Muscles and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and such films.

6. Make a photographic collage from photos of friends and family over many Christmases past. It would be the talking point of the night.

Be a Santarina

1. Get some empty matchboxes and wrap them up, making sure the tray can still slide out. Then mount them all on a large piece of mahjong paper, and hang it on the wall. Put a Christmas saying or mini pressie inside each box and get your guests to choose a box each and pull out their surprise!

2. Get generous and give your guests a little something before they leave the party. You can get affordable gifts such as fancy soap, bubble bath or even get down to making or own.

#35: Pre-Christmas Part 5: Food for thought

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 06:02:00 +0000

Imagine going to a food-free party? No can do! While you don't have to serve up a feast, here are some tips to entertain in style.

Food Themes

Another way to plan a theme party is to make food the focal point. Food themes are easier to plan and relatively hassle-free.

1. Pick a country: Go Italian (pasta party), Japanese (sushi party) or German (sausage party). You can't go wrong with a theme that's straightforward. To enhance the ambience, play the music of that country during the party.

2. Pick a food: Just choose one of these: pizza, pasta, salad. Imagine how simple it would be just preparing one dish! Tell your guests beforehand so they'd know what to expect for this new take on the 70s salad party.

3. Pick a way of cooking: Barbecue is still a hot fave, but why not a steamboat or fondue party? Parties that get everyone involved in the cooking provide more chances for interaction between your guests.

On a budget?

A large part of your budget is usually allocated to food. Here are a few suggestions to get round that shoe-string budget.

1. Have a pot-luck party: Tell everyone guest to bring their culinary specialty. Not only will you be getting them more involved in the party, you'll be spreading out the cost too. As the host, you should at least provide the drinks, though.

2. Divide the cost: If you're inviting a group of close friends, suggest everyone puts in a certain amount of money, say $10 a head. Then whip up or buy the best feast this pool of money can buy!

3. Serve up finger food: Providing a full meal can be costly. Why not invite guests over just for nibbles? A dip served with daintily cut vegetables looks classy and won't cost you the world. Alternatively, pop into the corner cafe, grab a few servings of cheesecakes and display it professionally.

Indulge yourself

If you've got extra cash to spare, spread the good spirit around!

1. Champaign breakfast: Give the local breakfast restaurant a run for their money. Set up your own breakfast table with croissants, fruit, toast, scrambled eggs, sausages and of course, champagne! Serve orange juice too so your guests can mix their own Mimosas! Here's a suggestion: get your friends to stay over and have them help you prepare breakfast in the morning!

2. Cocktail Night: Ask your friends to bring different spirits to mix and make sure you stock up on fruit, cream and ice. Try borrowing a few blenders from friends so that your guests don't mob you when they have to wait in line for a Screwdriver.

Entertaining impromptu guests

Oh no! Old friends from abroad have come home for the season. What happens if they drop in and you don't even have a packet of biscuits in the house? To avoid being caught in this situation, always keep your kitchen cabinets stocket with:

1. Fresh fruit – whip up a quick fruit platter and serve it with yoghurt and low-fat ice-cream.

2. Healthy Nibbles – raw nuts, dried apricots and guave, sunflower seeds, raisins and low-fat microwavable popcorn are easy-to-grab snacks.

3. Salsa Dip – it has a long shelf life and is ultra tasty when eaten with carrot and celery sticks.

4. Rice or Water crackers – they can be served with whatever else you have in stock in the fridge, such as cheese or hummus.

5. Canned salmon – can be quickly mixed with cottage and ricotta cheese to form a healthy dip or stuffed into bread to make great sandwiches.

6. Fruit toast – keep a few loaves frozen as this can be as scrumptious as a fruit teacake when toasted and topped with melting butter.

7. A few bottles of wine – it will probably be more welcome than food!

How much is enough?

1. For a cocktail party, prepare two to three servings of each kind of hors d'oeuvre per person.

2. Provide at least three drinks per guest.

3. Buy about 4kg of ice for every 10 guests. It's always better to have more ice because people just love chilled drinks.

#34: Pre-Christmas Part 4: Chat-up tips for parties

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 06:02:00 +0000

Parties are the perfect place to meet new men, and here's how to do it right.

When you're feeling and looking fab, going to parties is a cinch. Not so when you're frumpy, frazzled or the competition is hot. But it's worth making the effort becase parties force people to spend at least a few hours in one place out of sheer politeness. So if you've got time to sit back and study your target, watch who they're talking to and for how long. They're being chatted up by a girl with long legs as a giraffe? They could be brain-dead boring for all you know. (You, on the other hand, have personality and lashings of style.) So find whoever organised the party and do a bit of sleuthing. Single or attached? Nice person or pig? Find something you have in common, then get the host to introduce you, “X, you must meet Y. She's a Star Wars fan too.”

If the host/ess is unavailable, find an excuse to do something near your target, change the CD, grab some nibbles or enlist a friend's help, go and chat nearby. Next, catch his eye and smile. If he seems friendly, introduce yourself. Once there, flirt like mad, and don't even think about going to the loo. (If you must, offer to get him a drink so you can come back and claim his attention.)

How to really have fun at a party

1. Dress for success – Wear something you feel comfortable in. There is no point looking like a total sex bomb if you daren't move an inch. You will look either like a wax figurine or part of the furniture.

2. Grab a chirpy friend – It's a drag arriving at the party not knowing anyone and standing in a corner by yourself. So bring along a friend and make sure she or he doesn't act like they've been forced to be there!

3. Ditch the diet – A party is the time to eat and be merry. That doesn't have to mean totally pigging out.

4. Don't be a party pooper – Get involved and play along. If there are games, join in instead of pulling a grumpy face and protesting. If there's a theme, be a sport and dress up for it. It's all for laughs anyway.

Top tactics

Smile. Happy people attract other people to them.

Start a conversation. How do they know the host or hostess? What do they do for a living?

Give them a compliment.

Drop lots of clues on how to find you again in case you get separated. Where you work, the suburb/town/neighborhood you live in, the fact that you know so-and-so.

No-nos

Don't give up if you smile and they don't smile back. They might not have seen you (were too vain to wear their glasses) or simply drifted off in la-la land.

Don't get drunk to boost your courage before meeting them. Don't muscle in when they're obviously chatting up someone else or attached.

#33: Pre-Christmas Part 3: Why didn't I think of that?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 06:06:00 +0000

Funky ideas that might not have crossed your mind.

1. Video Marathon: Have you always wanted to see the Star Wars trilogy again? Comedy, films, noir, B-grade, sci-fi, art films or Julia Roberts – just make sure that your theme will interest the majority of your guests. If possible, borrow another couch and some large pillows from friends, so everyone can sit comfortably and snuggle up. Then settle down with some popcorn and enjoy being couch potatoes!

2. Karaoke Nights: Turn on your karaoke machine too early in the night and it may well kill the party. But wait until guests have had a few drinks and they'll be fighting over the mike! Make sure you have a good range: from the Beatles to the Spice Girls and Celine Dion (oh, the horror!). If friends are too shy, get the ball rolling by suggesting duets, or starting yourself,

3. Quiz Night: A night of intellect? Scary! Get each of your guests to prepare 10 of their toughest questions, like “Who said what in each film?” or “What was Forrest Gump wearing when the feather landed on his head?” Don't forget the most important part – fun prizes. It's one way to ensure your guests will sharpen their brains before the party.

4. Slumber Party: When was the last time you had one of these? Invite all your girlfriends in their best sleepgear and cram them all into your room. You can sit around and watch chick-flicks or tell ghost stories till dawn. It's a great way to catch up!

5. Childhood Party: Ditch decorum and become a child for one night! Play all those games you've almost forgotten about, such as zero point, charades, musical chairs, hide-and-seek and medicine ball! Let your inner child roam free...

6. Spa Party: You're in the mood to splurge and spoil yourselves – just club together and raise a few hundred dollars, to get a few professional masseurs and manicurists over to pamper yourself and your galpals as you lounge around in robes and sip fruit juices!

7. Swap Party: Get your friends to raid their wardrobes and gather the clothes and accessories they don't want any more. Throw the stuff into a big pile and spend the evening buying each other's things, at the cutthroat price of $2 a piece! Remember, one woman's horror may be another woman's fashion miracle.

#32: Pre-Christmas Part 2: Oh, behave!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 06:01:00 +0000

Guest Code

1. Be on time or up to half an hour late, but never early. The hostess might be unprepared and you will just be in the way.

2. Don't drink beyond your limit. You'll embarrass both yourself and the hostess.

3. If food is provided, bring a gift. A bottle of wine would do nicely.

4. Thank the hostess personally before leaving the party.

5. At a dinner party, you should stay for at least an hour after the last dish has been served. If it's a cocktail party, stay long enough to mingle with the guests.

6. Unless it's specifically a pet-party, leave the pets at home. No-one wants a soiled carpet.

7. Don't take a bite off your stalk of celery then dip it back into the guacamole again!

8. With guests you're not familiar with, stay away from topics like sex and (potentially explosive ones like) religion and politics.

Hostess with the mostess

1. When serving food on a tray, place dry food (crackers, sandwiches, cakes) on a paper doily. When serving oilier foods (brie or camembert cheese, chicken wings), skip the doily – your presentation won't look pretty if the paper is stained with oil.

2. With guests who overstay their welcome, say something like “Oh no, I have to get up really early tomorrow morning to do X”. Most people will get the hint and start moving!

3. Unless it's against your personal beliefs, it's polite to offer your guests alcohol, even if you don;t actually drink it yourself.

4. Don't be tense – your guests can sense it. So what if the sausages weren't served on your favorite square plate? No-one probably noticed.

5. It's a house party, not a neighborhood street party. So keep the music at a reasonable volume, especially if it's past midnight.

3 no-fuss party pointers

1. Get to the point on your invite. Be direct, like “Come to my place for tea at 4pm”. This way, your guests will know what to expect and not stay till midnight.

2. Serve simple drinks. Forget having a fully stocked bar and bury those Coyote Ugly fantasies. It's best to stick with just a few simple cocktails, like bourbon coke (bourbon + coke) and gin tonic (gin + tonic water + slice of lime). Throw in some orange juice, wine and soda, and you're set.

3. Chuck the chairs. Not enough sitting space? Don't worry about finding more seats. Standing allows guests to mingle much more. Try and place different appetisers in different spots around the room so that people have to move around to nibble.

Pre-Christmas Part 1: Let's Party!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 06:04:00 +0000

What's more fun tha going to a party? Throwing one, of course! Here's an ultimate guide to doing that Martha Stewart thang- only decades younger!

Cool Party themes

The most enjoyable parties are always those with themes, as they get both host and guests involved in the shebang! Almost any idea can be worked into a theme. Here are soem cool suggestions to spice up your party:

1. School Night: Get your guests to dig out their school uniforms for a night back in school. Want more fun? Make sure one of your guests is previously from a boys-only school. It will be hilarious seeing everyone at their nerdiest!

Make it unforgettable: Serve up school canteen fare, and don't forget the dessert du jour! Then gather round for a game of Pictionary, complete with blackboard and chalk.

2. Back in time: Hark back to any era you want and develop your themes to make them more interesting. For example, instead of just throwing an 80s party, have a Shoulder Pad bash. Your guests will have a great tiem picking their outfits.

Make it unforgettable: Pay attention to detail. If it's a 70s do, get bean bags, a lava lamp and transform your house into an incense den. Then kick back and smoke some pot. Kidding. Find out what food was popular in each decade. For example, sausage rolls, party pies, fondues and pavlova desserts were big in the 70s.

3. Hollywood glamour: Everyone loves the chance to ham it up for a night of glamour. Have an Academy Awards party. Alternatively, you can centre the theme around a film. You just know that an X-men or Star Wars party is going to be a scream!

Make it unforgettable: Literally lay out a red carpet in front of your door to get your guests going. Make sure you have a camera or a videocam (borrow them!) and record your guests doing their best impressions of whichever star they're dressed up as.

4. Gender swap: Get all the girls to turn up as men, and the guys to come as drag queens for a night where the roles are completely reversed! Scatter make-up all over the place, especially that ultra-shiny blue or green eyeshadow (to glam up the boys) and black eyeliner (to draw moustaches on the girls).

Make it unforgettable: Go all the way and make it a sexist party, where the guys do the dishes while the girls sit around the TV, belching and watching MTV Style.

Who's the real you?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:02:00 +0000

Ok, here's the public face you present to the world, but are you showing your true colors? Take this quiz and discover your secret side.

When we're younger, it's all about being accepted by the “in” crowd. It's tempting to do or say just about anything to enjoy the approval of our peers. Luckily, the older we get, the less “fitting in” seems to matter. That's because we learn to trust our own feelings and opinions a little better, and feel more comfortable in our own skin. Understanding your own character and the motivation that drive you is also the key to true happiness, because you learn to live within the limits and capabilities of your in-born nature.

You probably think you know yourself pretty well, but are you sure you've got yourself totally sussed out? Here are 20 penetrating questions that will accurately assess your character type. Of course, there are many variations and individual differences in characters, but psychologists agree that nearly everyone belongs to one of the four basic types. Your answers to this quiz show clearly what you're all about. OK, are you ready to discover the real you?

1. You have a couple of hours free to do exactly as you please. You:
a. Go for a walk, or an outing somwhere.
b. Visit a friend.
c. Settle down with a book or magazine.
d. Catch up on some odd jobs.

2. Do you make friends:
a. Quite readily?
b. More on an easy-come-easy-go basis?
c. Only with difficulty?
d. Chiefly when you need them?

3. Sport appeals to you:
a. Mildly?
b. Madly?
c. Hardly at all?
d. Only occasionally?

4. Do you think you handle money:
a. Deftly, capably and usually profitably as well?
b. Not too well?
c. Very carefully?
d. Fairly well, though perhaps extravagantly at times?

5. Do you feel the past is:
a. Something that has little place in your outlook?
b. Over and done with?
c. Something to be studied, perhaps learnt from?
d. Often quite fascinating?

6. You regard the future as:
a. Something you're working for here and now.
b. Exciting – but only a fre days ahead at a time.
c. Something best not thought about too much.
d. Something pleasant to look forward to.

7. Food to you is:
a. One of life's lesser enjoyments.
b. Rather a bore.
c. A real delight.
d. Pleasant, but no more.

8. Do you drink:
a. Because you find it oils the wheels of life?
b. Often just because other people do?
c. With deep enjoyment?
d. Rarely, or not at all?

9. Do you consider astrology:
a. Utter rubish?
b. Probably baseless, but fun?
c. Probably has something in it?
d. Quite outside your view of life?

10. Is religion to you:
a. More superstition than anything else?
b. Probably not as significant as it ought to be?
c. Very meaniningful?
d. A source of strength in times of difficulty?

11. Does weather affect your mood or how you're feeling?
a. Of course not.
b. Not that you've noticed.
c. Nearly always.
d. Sometimes, definitely.

12. Do you worry?
a. Never.
b. Only now and then.
c. Probably a bit more than you really need to.
d. Far too much.

13. Are you a good mixer at parties?
a. As a rule, yes.
b. Invariably.
c. Not as good as some people.
d. About average.

14. Is love to you:
a. Enjoyable, even useful, but only part of life?
b. A bit of a giggle?
c. The tricky mainspring of life?
d. All-important?

15. Do other people ask you for advice?
a. Quite a lot.
b. Only rarely.
c. All the time.
d. Mostly when they are in very real trouble.

16. Does an open show of emotion in other people:
a. Irritate you?
b. Tend to shock you?
c. Seem perfectly natural?
d. Make you feel sympathetic?

17. What are you usually like in a crisis?
a. Generally the best person to have around.
b. Warm-hearted, but often too excitable.
c. Calm, if not very effective.
d. Hopeless.

18. Do you:
a. Live to work?
b. Work to live?
c. Always enjoy work – provided you've chosen the job or task?
d. Try and avoid work whenever you can?

19. Are personal relationships for you:
a. Easy, if you're on top.
b. Generally happy-go-lucky, though they fluctuate?
c. Nearly always difficult?
d. Easy – as long as someone else is on top?

20. Which of these gives you the most enjoyment in life?
a. Your own energy, control of others, working for your family.
b. The fun of being with others and giving them pleasure.
c. Creativity, inner satisfaction, helping or teaching others.
d. Giving and receiving love.

What character type are you? If you answered the questions honestly, you should find you chose one letter a, b, c, or d, more than others. This reveals your character as follows:

Mostly A
Energetic, outgoing and a born organiser, you're the one that others know they can rely upon to get things done. You're good at beating handicaps, or setbacks, too. However, this can-do attitude can be perceived by others as being domineering and bossy, so make sure you take time to listen to the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Worldly wise and a little cynical, your drive and self-confidence can get over-bearing. However, at heart, you're tolerant and kind. You have a strong sense of responsibility, especially towards children and family.

Mostly B
You're the life and soul of the party, good company and a total extrovert. This pleasure-seeking nature can lead you to have no sense of personal responsibility, so be careful to avoid being too selfish. Courageous and confident, you have an immense sense of fun and others can't help being swept up in your spell and they, in turn, will forgive almost all your mistakes. A tendency to drink unwisely leads you to boast and exaggerate a little. You have a pioneering spirit and enjoy change, as long as there are other participants along for the ride – you hate being alone. You're not one for intellectual interests, but if music does appeal it's usually a great passion.

Mostly C
You're a real individual, highly creative, artistic and sensitive.This can lead you to be secretive and hard to understand and you run the very real risk of alienating those close to you because of the “masks” you wear. When you know you can trust someone, you're a faithful friend, but only to a favored few. However, when people come to you with problem, you're sympathetic, charitable and tolerant. The lone wolf type, you're also a born rebel, but only if you're the ones making the rules – you're averse to changes imposed by others. A bit of a homebody, you like to have roots in one place and travel soon makes you homesick.

Mostly D
Cheerful, home-loving and affectionate, you enjoy the simple pleasures in life and are adept at creating a happy atmosphere around you. Perceptive (almost psychic!) when it comes to the feelings of others, you often don't give enough thought to your own desires. While you appear carefree, you're prone to anxiety, indecision and moodiness. This can lead you to be stubborn and a little conservative in your opinions. You're an affectionate and loyal friend who'll do anything to keep the peace. An artistic, creative day-dreamer, you are good with your hands, but not overly fond of work.

Next Up: Once-weekly post for 7 weeks straight leading up to Christmas! Don't miss it!

Lurve Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 05:01:00 +0000

There's never been a better time to be a young woman, so make the most of it! Here's a little guide to being truly, deliciously happy with who you are – not what others want you to be.

The bills are piling up, your friends are making zillions of demands on you, and your boss wants that report, like, three weeks ago. Oh, and did I mention that your parents are putting pressure on you, too? You feel torn in all directions and long to scream, “Enough already!” And yet, there has never, ever, been a better time to be a young woman than today. Okay, so it might not feel like it right now, or even very often. But the fact is, young women have it made. You have more choices than ever before – even if those choices do occasionally make your head spin (all right, more than occasionally) – there's more of life to go out and grab, and more freedom than our parents could have dreamed about.

It's your life, so live it up!

And yet many of us worry that we aren't making the most of ourselves or all those opportunities that are out there just screaming at us. Yes, it can make you feel a bit dizzy contemplating it all, like choosing a new dress from a staggering array available. And psychologists do agree that sometimes too much choices makes us feel frozen, a rabbit in the headlights. But, come on, isn't lots of choices better than none? Would you really want someone else making all your plans for you? Of course not. So, if you do feel scared sometimes that you aren't embracing life to the full, don't be. Part of being a young woman in this day and age, is having the right to step out of the frentic pace sometimes. Be who you want, not what others want you to be.

Women have far more control over their lives today than 30 or even 20 years ago. But that power to decide brings with it a negative side: all this extra control means more stress, more fear about making the wrong decision, less chance to just let life go along and take its course. So, how do you handle all the choice yet still make the most of your freedom years?

First and foremost is that we work on our self-esteem, in that way we will tend to like whatever choice we make.We find a positive in whatever outcome. It's sad but true that many women do need to work on their self-esteem. For while life offers so many exciting vistas to young women, there is alongside it this a chronic fear of getting it wrong, or not feeling happy as you can about yourself.

Give yourself a break

The first lesson in loving yourself is accepting yourself. You'd want a boyfriend, or your friends, to love you as you are wouldn't you? And I bet they do, warts, faults and all. Just as you love them for their little foibles, the things they get wrong, their sheer human-ness. Yet few of us apply this warm, loving criteria to ourselves. Daft, but true. We're harder on ourselves, we beat ourselves up, we even admit candidly to a spot of self-loathing in an “oh that's so typical of me” way. We wouldn't dream of being so harsh about our friends. Why are we so tough on ourselves?

Most women still reel under the conditioning of being expected to be pleasers, rather than be pleased. Parents are frequently more critical of daughters than sons. That whole indulgent boys-will-be-boys mentality never seems to apply to women. Girls tend to have their fun curtailed at an early age and are often expected to help out at home – much more than their brothers, uncles or fathers, for instance.

Most of us have heard the apocryphal, yet based-on-truth story about a mother who complains endlessly that her daughter is really lazy, never helps around the house and shows no consideration whereas her brother, ah, such a saint her brother is, so caring, so thoughtful. But guess what? Turns out the daughter cleans, cooks and cares 24/7, while the brother visits a couple of times a year.

Practise being positive

So, that's what we're up against. And even if you're blessed with nice parents who wouldn't dream of heaping the future of low self-esteem upon you by constantly criticising and carping, then society and much of the media will do the job instead. Look at how actresses, especially Hollywood actresses, get criticised in the media. Too thin, too fat, too tall, too short, too much make-up or not emough.... they can't ever get it right. They aren't objects for admiration, they objects for all our insecurities to be projected upon. This is best summed up when it's said that a woman's place is in the wrong.

However, having accepted that all this goes on, you can do something about it. In fact, you can turn it to your advantage. How? By facing what's out there you learn to filter out the messages of disliking yourself just because you're a woman. And there are positive messages too, if you look. Let's face it, all this knocking ourselves is really so boring. If you are to spend one more evening with girlfriends going on about who has the biggest thighs, you'd probably scream. Instead, insisit on saying three nice things about yourself before going for a girls night out.

It's easy enough giving a compliment but taking one is much harder. So you say to a friend you like her new dress and she dismisses your comment and says she looks fat in it. What does that say about a friend who's been kind enough to offer a sweet remark that should boost her friend's confidence for the evening?

Learn to accept a compliment

It's actually rude not a accept a compliment graciously yet we fear if we do accept it, we'll be considered rude or boastful. And, be honest, how many of us dish compliments out like fortune cookies becase what we want, really, is to get one back? I know I do. So why not try that forementioned exercise? Why not, whether you're with friends or alone, say something nice about yourself. Go on. Do it. Say it out loud. Pick something about your appearance – since this is the one area where women are most likely to be fiercely self-critical – and also something about your character.

If you find it impossible to find just three nice things to say about yourself, you could have serious problems. Low self-esteem is one thing, and that's very common in young women despite these being such great times for them. But being unable to find a single positive thing about yourself is bordering on depression. If you can't see any light in your life, you should maybe consider seeing your doctor to find out why life seems so unremittingly bleak for you.

But happily most women aren't suffering depression or even low self-esteem. It's my belief they put themselves down because they think it's what expected of them. A kind of false modesty they don't really mean. Look at the success of the television show Absolutely Fabulous. Much of the humor comes from the inflated high opinion the protagonists have of themselves. It makes them funny and it makes their conversation far more interesting than the “oh my thighs are so big I should kill myself” variety. I also reckon there are a few of us who wish we could be as confident as the Ab Fab stars appear. But we can all learn to like ourselves a bit more, to cherish our little faults, to find our failings endearingly human and part of what makes us the unique people that we are.

Stand tall, speak slowly

I have a friend who is three inches shorter than me, but until we compared our heights, when out shopping for stiletto heels, I'd neve realised it. She stands tall. She has confidence, bearing, a kind of graceful assuredness about her. I am not particularly tall, though I am about average for a woman, yet I don't feel as tall as my friend. But I'm trying to learn from her and how she conducts herself.

One thing she does is to speak slower. Now me, I'm a gabber. It'a sure sign of nervousness, insecurity. Learn to speak slowly, though, and others will think you have more confidence. Why? Because you don't assume you only have the floor for a very short amount of time before someone grabs it from you. You take your chances to speak and make the most of them. Men tend to speak more slowly too, and more assuredly. They know it's their world and they act accordingly. If we knew, or truly believed, that it was our world, too, perhaps we'd all sail forth like princely galleons expecting others to show us respect.

But they never will while we don't respect ourselves. It really is true that if you want others to like you and treat you well, you have to set them a good example. Do what psychologists call modelling. Act towards yourself the way you want others to and the way you treat your best friends and colleagues. Then they're more likely to take your example and run with it. The golden rule of human behavior is said to be “act unto others as you wish them to act unto you”. Sadly, many of us are far nicer to others than we ever are to ourselves. It's become kind of inverted.

So why not try out a new golden rule for the 21st century? Act unto yourself as nicely as you act to others. Love yourself. You're worth it, you are.

#28: 8 Signs He's Had An Affair

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Is it someone else's lipstick on his collar? Those strange nights “working with the accountant” ... all night? Or something more subtle that has you on edge? If you want to find out if he's being – or has been – unfaithful, these are the things to look out for.

At some point, you will probably have a partner who cheats on you. Or at least that's what the statistics suggest. Research has unanimously concluded that men stray. The 1990 Kinsey Report states 37 percent of men and 29 percent of women are unfaithful, while a University of Chicago survey claims 70 percent of men and 30 percent of women have had affairs!

Okay, you're probably convinced that while some men are obviously playing away from home, your man is faithful. Maybe. But, even if we go with the more conservative of these figures, you've still got a one-in-four chance that he's getting up close and personal with someone else, but calling you “baby”. Or that he's done it – and just not told you.

Although I have no explanation to proffer for this phenomenon, I have known several men who only realized how much they loved their partners – after being with someone else. Having been struck by this guilt-fuelled epiphany, many guys will do anything to avoid further undermining their relationship with, say, the truth. Instead, their on-the-side action dissolves and they simply go back to the way things were. Or so he thinks.

But a betrayal of this magnitude carries with it an emotional load that simply won't be wished or pretended away. Signs, behaviours and mannerisms will fliter through and you have every right to be aware of what they are. Please note, however, that this information must be used wisely or you could end up branding an innocent man guilty on the strength of one or two of the following indicators should be thought of as proof absolute of adultery. Even three should be treated with as much objectivity as you can muster. Four or more and you've got a case.

Can't I spoil the woman I love?

I've been told by numerous female friends that generosity is one of the most endearing traits a man can possess. Be it a modest posy for no apparent reason or the purchase of a pair of shoes his partner admired one evening while window-shopping, the material generosity is pretty much secondary to the generosiity of spirit involved.

When, however, a disproportionate material generosity – like one that involves carats or the term “first-class” - begins to spring forth from the kind of person who took you to his favorite cafe on your birthday, you have a right to think twice about what's going on. Out-of-character spluring on ludicrously expensive gifts is a prime indicator of a panic reaction to overwhelming guilt. He's trying to buy forgiveness for a crime you don't know he's committed.

Needless to say, if said gift was purchased with joint funds, the man in question is obviously not bright enough to conduct an affair and not have you find out about it.

“Hi honey, I'm home”

After a number of years together, couples inevitable choreograph a sexual routine that is mutually satisfying yet repetitive. And while scope for modest variation exists, the essential nature of the love-making remains unaltered.

When, however, you notice that his libido has skyrocketed over a short period of time, one of two things is happening – but both involve a lie. Either he's developed a Viagra addiction or he's got a whole lot of horniness but one less means by which to release it.

But it's not just his hormones talking here. Believe it or not, many men can discern between sex and lovemaking. And one who is retreating from a betrayal could well be craving some closeness and intimacy from the woman he's realized is the right one for him.

It is crucial to stress, though, that a single instance does not a heightened libido make. Before you start thinking “affair”, there has to be a pattern of an out-of-character need for sexual gratification.

Old dog, new tricks

The same degree of caution should be exercised when he introduces new sexual tricks and techniques into your repertoire. Imagine how you'd feel if if you decided to enhance your lovemaking with a few ideas gleaned from the Kama Sutra or this humble blog, only to be suspected of having learnt it from someone else?

So what should arouse concern more than you? I'd keep an eye out for any requests he makes for you to alter your rechniques on moves that he's always been plenty satisfied with in the past...

The look of lard

Remember when he came home with a new gym card saying, “From now on, I'm going to look after myself”? Doubtless, some men mean just this, but there are also the types who decide to buff the bod a bit before they expose it to someone new. How do you tell which it was? Consistency. If he hung on beyond his initial enthusiasm, he obviously gained some genuine reward from the training. In other words, the only person he was doing it for was himself.

Either way, his attendance will wane; what matters is whether it stabilized or plummeted. (If it goes up and down erratically, there's a chance he's using the health club as an alibi for being late after work). If it stabilizes, you're in the clear. If it plummets, there's the chance he's realized that the only person he wants to be naked with is you. And since you're more than familiar with what he's offering, why continue the charade?

Conversely if his rate of health club visit jumps dramatically – especially after work or on weekends – he could been covering an entirely different type of work-out.

“You're home early...”

Dramatic shifts in his work schedule can spell relationship trouble. While many are aware of the affair cliche that plays out along the lines of “I'm sorry darling, but I have to work late tonight. I'll eat someone... I mean something – listen to me, I'm so tired I can't even form sentences – on the way home.” Quite.

When, however, his schedule suddenly snaps back to eight-hour-days, chances are he's put more than just a specific project to bed. This is doubly true if the phrase “quality time” starts popping up in his conversations with you.

“With this ring...”

Perhaps you never noticed it at the time, but in retrospect, was there ever a period in which a ringing telephone could startle him so that he would launch himself across the room towards the phone at lightning speed? Ditto his mobile.

If the subequent conversations featured hush phrases pathetically coded to sound like business speak - “Oh, thanks for the call. I don't know if I'm ... available then. Can I check my schedule ... and call you back ... in the morning?” - put one and one together. I'm sure they'll add up to “affair”.

The point is if his reactions go from mildly panicked to verging on ambivalent in a short time, it makes sense that something (or someone) is no longer posing the threat it once did. On its own, this change in response shouldn't be thought of as consituting guilt. However, team it with a sudden drop-off in after-hours calls from “the office” and you can come to your own conclusions.

Future shocks

If he's the type of man who became uncomfortable when discussing anything long-term, be wary of sudden changes of heart. As pointed out earlier, the cheating men often only realizes which of the two women in his life he really wants to stay with after doing a compare-and-contrast exercise. And having decided that you're the girl for him after all – meaning his deception – many men finally pop the question or make declarations of eternal devotion.

Before you're even tempted to forgive this betrayal – which by the way will remain an unvoiced secret - remember that it's not actually him talking from the heart. What you're hearing is in part the voice of guilt. Again, implement this knowledge only if you're utterly convinced that infidelity has been the case – and it's supported by at least three other categories in this post. After all, you could blow a good, solid relationship by telling a man who's decided he wants to be with you forever that the only reason he's doing so is because he was sleeping around. This is relationship TNT – so on this occasion, don't rely solely on your intuition.

The crying game

While in no way trying to excuse the actions of a cheating man, many are not without conscience. Long after the tryst has been called off, the self-loathing and guilt remani. Especially when he's been carrying the heavy secrets of his past and wondering when and if they'll ever catch up with him.

This is a serious emotional load to bear and despite his best efforts to mask it, there will be times when the strain will force its way through his facade. Sudden teary outbursts – note the use of the plural – from a man who would ordinarily rather grimace than cry out in pain bear some examination.

Let me once again point out that this is not the basket into which you should be putting all of your eggs. The cause of his pain could be entirely unrelated to his monogamy or otherwise, but you've got to admit that it's no stretch to suggest this this could well be the behavior of a man with a secret that's slowly – and deservedly – driving him crazy.

Shine on your first day

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 05:01:00 +0000

Yay! You got the job. They were stunned at your ability to juggle flaming torches, while finalising the accounts; and your promise to bring in $10 million of new business at the same time. Now the girl that dazzled them in the interview has to prove it all, become a star team-player, and take that career ladder leap that this new job was all about. Nervous? It's understandable. But here are a few tips for taking the stress out of your first day on the job.

Do your research

So it's your first day at work – all prepped? Well, check out these tips to make your introduction easier.

By now, you should have a pretty good understanding of your new company, and a clear vision of what your new role is all about. Hopefully you've met your immediate boss, and understand the specifics of the job ahead.

Even after you've signed your contract, doing additional research before you start will help enormously in your first few days. Scan the company web site. Talk to people in the industry who have contact with the firm. Read up on industry news – trade magazines are a good source (do try and ignore the gossip section until you really know what it's about!). The more you can learn, the easier it will be, particularly if you've gone for a major step, or a different field.

Make nice with co-workers

On your first day you're going to meet a lot of people. Be confident and friendly, but don't gush. Try and be sociable, but not too social within working hours; remember you've been hired for your skills and professionalism, not for your promise to making gourmet coffees for everyone.

You're bound to be nervous, but do your best to remember names. Make a point of repeating the name as you're introduced, to help them stick in your mind. It's also vital to project a positive, enthusiastic and confident image to colleagues at all levels. Remember that the power of networking extends beyond having a good connection with those with big offices. Know that the mail guy, who's funny too, might be the one who can find you a decent filing cabinet. And that your director's secretary, who is a good lunchtime buddy, might also be your greatest ally at promotion time.

It takes time and interest to create effective and comfortable working relationships. You're not expected to do it all on day one, but you'll need to put some effort in, to go from being the “new girl”, to a respected employee, a reliable co-worker – and one of the gang.

Know your boundaries

Ensure you meet the HR manager on your first day. She will be able to fill you in on office politics on things like taxis, overtime and using the internet. It's good to understand the “code of conduct” before you submit your expense claim, or arrive an hour after everyone else!

In the first few days, you'll be a sponge. Look, listen and learn. Ask questions. If you don't understand, say so, and ask to be shown another way – you'll be doing it on your own next. Take detailed notes; if you ask the same thing three or four times, the person showing you the ropes will lose patience.

Dress the part

If you were paying attention during the interview, you should have worked out what the dress codes are before you start (and therefore what best to pre-spend your first pay cheque on!). If not, ask your employer for guidelines. If you're working for an Internet hot-shop, a navy suit and court shoes is going to raise eyebrows. Even so, your first day isn't the day for a coffee-stained T-shirt and cut-offs, no matter what the creative director is wearing. Err on the more formal side, but make sure you're comfortable. Believe it or not, your boss is interested in you, not what you're wearing.

Make changes gradually

You're not a revolutionary. You're not required to “leave your mark” on every task and process. Initiative is vital, and is a key hiring trait. But don't change for the sake of changing. The filing system you used at your old company seems so much more organized and efficient than the way they're doing it here, but will it work with the different suppliers they use in this company? Of course you'll change things, but do it gradually, and when you are certain of the impact of the change. “We used to do it so much better at my old company” won't endear yourself to your new colleagues, and may well backfire once you really know the way things work at your new firm.

Ask for feedback

At most companies, the first appraisal is done after three months, or a year. Why not ask for an appraisal to discuss objectives for the first period of your employment? Why wait for three months? Try and agree on goals and discuss ambitions up front. An immediate appraisal allows us to have a clear picture of the team member's needs and goals, and also for her to understand on what criteria everyone will be measuring job performance. Be prepared to discuss your goals and objectives very specifically.

And, relax!

Finally, have some faith in yourself. You got the job. You got it for a reason, over and above the other candidates who all wanted the job. You're bound to fumble with the fax on your first day, or wander by mistake into the fire escape when looking for the ladies' executive toilet. Remind yourself of that when those first-day nerves hit, and you're feeling a bit anxious and confused. It'll pass!

Latest Update

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 05:18:00 +0000

Mars And Venus… Actually ( http://marsnvenusactually.blogspot.com/ ) isn’t abandoned too. I’ve realised that uploading a post every week leaves me, quite frankly, close to zilch when it comes to sharing. So, I’ve taken the same amount of time “abandoning” my blog to also brainstorm on how much time should I leave in between posts. 2 weeks interval or 1 month interval? Something like a online magazine, since 1 month seems a bit tad too long for readers who do want the next post and are curious about it. Whereas new post per 2 week interval seems almost like I’m uploading weekly, which practically makes no difference. Sounds confusing, huh?

Coming up with posts (for Mars And Venus… Actually ) has been ongoing while I wasn’t online to blog or even do anything. It’s better than to try and rush out a post at breakneck speed when i could have taken some time to slowly but steadily come up with something.

And also, I’ve come up with this decision. I will still blog, but stuffs I found while surfing the Internet, I’d mostly post them up on tumblr here: http://puniao.tumblr.com/

Instead of just lumping everything onto my blog, and thus making the loading time even longer. Blog-wise, I’m going to try keeping it to what it is supposed to be, a blog with loads of text. Yes, long boring text that mostly scares off readers who don’t like to read long lines of text.

Let’s face it, that’s what a blog is for. Text, text and more text. But meaningful nonetheless. But using this tumblr site as a 2nd substitute blog for photos found on the Internet to the ones I snapped in real life, it won’t bog down my blog. As mentioned in the 2nd paragraph, my blog is taking way too long to load due to the insane amount of photos I’ve found here and there.

So, remember to bookmark this tumblr site along with my blog address. It’s going to take some time, but everything will be nicely classified in a sense that one portal is for everday life-sharing moments while the other is a everday-photo sharing moments.

And in case you all forgot the URLS, here they are again:

Chopsticks: Photo - http://puniao.tumblr.com/

Chopsticks: The One And Only Original Chopsticks Blogger - http://sexybluemame.blogspot.com/

Note that these are the only 2 blogs and 1 tumblr blog that I will constantly be updating. The rest are just too much work to focus on, and I don't want my readers to feel neglected if I lose focus on these 3 blogs again.

So, stay tuned while I worked out some more stuffs with regards to my blog(s) and such.

Sincerely,

Pu Niao

Do You Fix Your Mood With Food?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:57:00 +0000

There's a good reason you might have the urge to scarf an entire tub of ice-cream when you’re feeling down: certain foods can temporarily boost your mood. That's because your body and brain are ruled by a complex group of chemicals and hormones, many of which influence appetite, emotions and energy levels, according to research scientists. Natural fluctuations of these compounds - like those that occur during the week before your period - can make you feel anxious, annoyed or blah. Similarly, when you're upset, say because some loser guy dumps you, those feelings can trigger changes in those same body chemicals. Enter yummy food. Some research shows that certain foods - particularly high-fat goodies such as cheese, ice-cream and chocolate - stimulate your body to produce endorphins, magical mood boosters that give you an instant high. If you're anxious, for instance, you may crave carbs such as bread, potato chips, pasta and soft drinks. These contain ingredients that trigger your brain to release serotonin, which has an uplifting, yet calming effect. High-protein foods, including peanut butter, yoghurt and chicken, do the opposite: they release a chemical that pumps up mental alertness. That may explain why you're more likely to grab a handful of peanuts when you're up studying late at night. As for those cravings many girls get before their periods, there's biology behind those too.

During this time, the chemical that regulates your desire for fat surges and levels of happiness-producing serotonin are super-low. Voila! You're suddenly hungrier, and cravings for foods such as chocolates, muffins and biscuits may feel stronger than usual. That's because your body is trying to prepare for a baby, which would need lots of fatty nourishment to grow. Because these foods are so good at lifting your spirits, you get hooked on treating yourself with them. And the very next time you need a pick-me-up, you may crave those self-same snacks. But if you're chowing down when you're not hungry - and eating fattening stuff - you could pack on pounds. Plus, the food makes you feel better only for a short while; once the cake is gone, the problems or bad feelings remain. Of course, there's nothing wrong with an occasional treat if you're feeling blue. Eating only becomes a problem when you "swallow" painful feelings instead of facing them.

What's Your Food Attitude?

Answer true or false to the questions, then read on for the scoop on your gut reactions.

1. I often munch on junk to help me get through studying or work I've taken home from the office. (True / False)

2. Sometimes I find my hand at the bottom of a family-sized bag of chips, or see that I've eaten a whole packet of biscuits, and I don't know how it happened - it's like I totally zone out or something. (True / False)

3. When I get great results on an exam or kick butt at the gym, I indulge in my favorite treats. I deserve it after all the hard work! (True / False)

4. When I'm a bit down, I tend to think about or plan out what a great meal I'll have next - it really gives me something to look forward to. (True / False)

5. Whenever I have my friends over to chat, I make sure there are plenty of snacks on hand. Gossip's just not as fun without plenty of munchies! (True / False)

6. If I get into a fight with my parents or a guy breaks my heart, the first thing I do is grab a bag of sweets or an extra-large serving of French fries. (True / False)

7. In between all my stressful activities - for example, going right from work to the gym, then rushing home to clean the house and crash - I sometimes scarf something to calm myself down. (True / False)

8. When I'm depressed, I eat - even if it's my weight that's making me depressed. (True / False)

Fixing feelings with food, unfortunately, is mainly a girl thing. Many of us are taught to smile and not to complain, and we learn not to express negative feelings. Instead, we drown our sorrows in a slice of cheesecake or leftover noodles. The food comforts us, and will never think we're whiners.

So how do you break that feeding of frenzy/feelings cycle? If you're upset, before you reach for eats, find a way to vent. Try talking things through with a friend or parent, or try keeping track of your eating patterns in a diary. You may think you're bugging people by spilling your guts, but in fact, confiding in others makes them feel needed. Expressing yourself is like anything else - you get better with practice. Try to label your feelings and be direct.

It's also key to tune in to your tummy as well as your mind before you munch. Next time you find yourself marching zombie-like towards the fridge, ask yourself, "Am I really hungry?" Do this out loud, which may knock you out of that snack stupor. If the answer is no (and you've got to be honest!), there's a good chance something's bugging you, even if it's not at the front of your mind.

Try jotting down your feelings in a notebook. Once you start seeing trends in your diary (are you a total sucker for ice-cream at deadline time?), you can learn to stop eating for the wrong reasons - and find non-food ways to satisfy your emotional needs.

Cure Your Mood Munchies!

Instead of pigging out when cravings hit, try these healthy alternatives to alter your body chemistry and lift your mood even better than food.

When you're sad or depressed

You might crave: cake, biscuits, muffins
Instead, try: working out - with headphones on. Both exercise and music increase levels of the same happy chemicals that these foods trigger. In fact, studies show that 30 minutes or more of moderate exercise, performed three times a week, can actually make people who are mildly depressed feel better.

When you're broken-hearted

You might crave: chocolate
Instead, try: calling a funny friend or inviting your friends over to watch your favorite comedy movie. Just like eating chocolate, laughing releases endorphins, body chemicals which instantly lift our spirits. Curiously, having a good cry on a friend's shoulder can do the trick as well, since sobbing also releases endorphins.

When you're stressed, angry or anxious

You might crave: loads of pasta, noodles, bagels, pretzels, crackers, potato chips
Instead, try: taking a warm bath. Carbohydrates like these encourage your brain to release serotonin, which helps to reduce the levels of the chemicals your body produces under stress. A hot soak can work the same magic by encouraging your muscles to relax. Also calming is meditation, which can convert stress hormones into feel-good endorphins. Studies also show that prayer - or just thinking good thoughts for 15 minutes - can reverse levels of stress hormones.

When you're feeling tired, blah or unable to concentrate

You might crave: jelly beans, hard candy, sugary drinks
Instead, try: eating an apple, an orange, a banana or some grapes. Experts say that candy and soft drinks that are high in sugar make you tired, since they spark a sharp rise in blood-sugar levels and then make you crash. Fruit also gives you a boost, but the effects last longer thanks to nutrients and fibre, which help keep blood-sugar levels steady.

#25: Smooth Operator

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:03:00 +0000

With images of Gisele in a G-string, Kylie and Liz in split-to-whoa Versace dresses, and teen songbirds showing off their midriffs, sleek skin has never been more in-your-face. Fact: hair removal is a drag and it hurts. So you need to know the right techniques to suit you. Read on... and take off.

Waxing

What's the deal: Waxing yanks the hair clean from the roots

What's good: Your state of hairlessness can last up to six weeks. Plus, the hairs will eventually grow back softer. There are also cases of hair eventually become non-existent on some individuals - but whether or not it does, depends on the individual's genes and chemistry.

What's a drag: One word - ouch! Tip: avoid waxing just before your period. The best time to wax is five days into your cycle. Aspirin can also help. Also, DIY-ing with warm wax can be really messy, but while cold wax strips are more user-friendly, they're not as effective at removals because warm wax grips the hair better.

What's new: Salon-style, beeswax-based hot wax - it hardens as it cools, and is then peeled off without the need for cotton strips. Also, sugar-based waxes are big again. They arrive gooey, require less heating, and the residue can be washed away.

Works best: Before a DIY wax or a session at the salon, it is advisable that you try some dry body brushing plus wet exfoliation and, immediately prior to waxing, sprinkle on a layer of talc to absorb perspiration and help the wax to grip. Therapists will apply a post-waxing antiseptic and soothing lotion.

Salon advantage: You can be guaranteed that the hairs are pulled out in the right direction, which prevents ingrown hair. Plus, there's less pain because it's quicker, and with two pairs of hands you can keep the skin taut.

Watch out: If you're using Retin-A, AHAs, or taking Roaccutane or tablets for high blood pressure, waxing will thin your skin too much. Avoid waxing on cut, sunburned or acne-prone skin, or if you've recently had a laser peel. For varicose-vein sufferers, a therapist should use a self-peel wax, which is more gently.

Shaving

What's the deal: Razor blades cut the unwanted hairs off just exactly at the surface of your skin.

What's good: The sexy, shiny, silky-smooth finish it gives you. Plus, it's exfoliating.

What's a drag: The morning-after prickly feeling. Shaving also makes a fake tan fade faster.

Works best: On primed skin. Exfoliating first will help to prevent ingrowns, and soaking for a couple of minutes before shaving will soften the hairs, making them easier to cut. For the tricky areas, such as the underarms, you may need to shave in two directions.

Lasers

What's the deal: Lasers target the pigment in the hair. They heat up the follicle and destroy the hair, sub-surface. You feel a pin-prick sensation.

What's good: After two years, there has been found to be an 80 percent permanent reduction of hairs.

What's a drag: The cost, which can range from $200 - $500 per session; you'll need between two to six sessions of them. Plus, it's only effective on dark hair, and can cause discoloration in darker skins.

Works best: Unwanted facial hair and the bikini line are popular targets. Avoid if you're pregnant, taking skin-sensitizing drugs or Roaccutane, or using Retin-A.

Electrolysis

What's the deal: A needle is inserted into the follicle; an electric current fries the hair at the root.

What's good: The hairs never return, so after you've had a series of treatments, you're fuzz-free.

What's a drag: It's near torture. And, in the wrong hands, you risk scarring and burning.

Works best: On small areas of dark, coarse hair such as the bikini line or upper lip.

Epilators

What's the deal: Epilator heads feature rows of rotating discs that work like tweezers, grasping hairs and plucking them out.

What's good: They're easy to use - you sweep them over your skin like an electric razor. Plus, they work well on shorter hairs.

What's a drag: It's definitely not for the faint-hearted.

Works best: Do it after dry body brushing and granular exfoliation, to prevent in-grown hairs.

Depilatories

What's the deal: A depilatory cream will dissolve hairs just below the skin's surface.

What's good: The smoothness lasts slightly longer than shaving, and it's particularly handy for the bikini line.

What's a drag: Most creams still have that underlying smell of rotten eggs. Plus, some skins react to the chemicals in the creams.

Works best: When removed with a flannel, which doubles as an exfoliator, and helps to nip those ingrown hairs in the bud.

Bleaching

What's the deal: You bleach the dark pigment out of the hairs. This can be a more carefree alternative to other forms of hair removal.

What's good: It lasts two to three weeks, until the hair drops out - but it can actually last longer if the hair is exposed to sun (sometimes six to eight weeks).

What's a drag: It can sensitize skin (and skins being treated with Roaccutane, Retin-A and AHAs are no-gos). And it's not advised for dark skins - unless you want a coating of white or yellow fuzz.

Works best: On fair skins and shorter, thinner hairs. It's also great for the stomach and thighs.

Hairy Issues

Let's get to the roots of all evil to make sure that all your hairy dilemmas are (un)covered.

Nipple Hairs: No, it's not just you that has them! Stray, dark nipple hairs are actually a very common phenomenon. All you need to do is pluck them out - but do so very carefully, to avoid the problem of ingrowns. If they're not too dark, simply trim the hair off at the surface of the skin, with a pair of curved nail scissors.

Snail Trail: There's nothing you want to see less above your hipsters than a line of dark hair. If you're fair-skinned and have medium-hued hair - or only a few dark ones - bleaching will airbrush it out. Depilatory cream and waxes are also safe to use on this area.

Furry Arms: They're a fact of life for many women, particularly those with Mediterranean backgrounds. Some (like Penelope Cruz, no less), see their hairy arms as being natural and very sexy, but for others they're a major issue. If so, bleaching these hairs is a cinch - but is only effective on light skins and fairer hairs - otherwise, an at-home or salon wax is your best sleeveless bet.

Toe Tufts: Why spoil the effect of those meticulous pedicures and summer's sexy sandals with... hair toes? De-fuzz your digits by shaving or waxing with cold-wax strips.

Follicle Flare-Ups: Follicles aren't always too happy about having their hairs ripped out and can sometimes flare up in response. When you get these pimply-looking spots, resist all temptations to pick, squeeze and exfoliate, which could lead to further infection. Instead, use an antiseptic cream or lotion until the skin calms down.

Stubborn Ingrowns: You go to all that de-fuzzing effort and... all you get are in-grown hairs! If you're ingrown-prone, you're probably not exfoliating properly, so start to dry body brush and shower-scrub regularly (keep this up post-wax, but go gently). Regular moisturizing will also help. You do all this and still get the bumps? Either go back to your beauty therapist, who should lance out the trapped hair for you at no cost, or treat it yourself with a dead-cell dissolving lotion (anything with salicylic acid in it should do the trick). When the hair starts to peep out from the bump, carefully flick it out with sterilized tweezers, and dab on antiseptic.

Face Facts

Got a five o'clock shadow to rival your man's? Here are a few face-saving solutions...

"Witchy" hairs: Tweezers can be employed on finer hairs but if the strands are dark and coarse, plucking could lead to ingrowns. In this case, brace yourself for electrolysis. If the hair sprouts from moles, see a doctor.

Major mo: If the hairs aren't too dark and your skin is fair, you can bleach them. Wax is best left to salon therapists, unless you're really confident (in which case, use cool wax strips, or a sensitive-skin hot wax).

Bushy brows: Get a professional shaping from the start. After that, if you're happy with the line, you can maintain it at home by regularly tweezing the regrowth.

"Peach-fuzz" face: De-fuzzing strategies include using facial depilatories and pre-waxed strips. But these methods generally have fast regrowth; you may want to consider longer-lasting methods (laser or electrolysis).

New Blog Address

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:29:00 +0000

The new blog migration is ready. For those of you who only logged onto the Internet like once every week or month (or maybe... a year), the new blog URL is http://puniaopuniao.blogatize.net/. Following us is still easy to manage too!

On your BlogSpot Dashboard, scroll all the way to the bottom and you'll see a Reading List, and there'll be 2 blue tabs namely Add and Manage. Just click on Add and enter the new blog URL manually and voila!, you'll be following our blog at the new URL in an instant!!

And as said on the previous post, Missy Yuuko won't be migrating with me and the blog, so it'll be a one woman show and the next new post will be coming up a.s.a.p while I try to figure out the buttons that control Wordpress...

10 Great New Reasons To Get Fit

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Flat abs? Better biceps? That's just the beginning. Exercise is the best natural fix for life's problems according to the latest cutting-edge research.

You'll stay younger, for much longer
Astonishing but true: new research shows that by lifting weights you can actually slow the rate at which your body ages. Researchers discovered that compared with a group of sedentary people, those who strength-trained three times a week had limited damage from free radicals, harmful molecules that have been implicated in the ageing process, heart disease and some cancers. "You don't have to be in the gym all day. In this study, participants did one set each of 12 exercises, such as leg presses and seated rowing, which took as little as 15 minutes," says a lead researcher.

You'll sleep better
Dreamy news for insomniacs: performing some cardio-vascular workout, such as walking or running, for about 30 minutes in the late afternoon will help you get peaceful zzz's at night, according to researchers at the Respiratory Sciences and Sleep Disorders Centre at the University of Arizona. Exercise, they found, ensures sounder shut-eye by upping oxygen consumption and raising body temperature y a few degrees. That's enough to lull even a night owl to sleep.

You'll be a quitter
Smokers who exercise are twice as likely to kick the habit as those who lounge about doing nothing, according to a study published in Archives Of Internal Medicine. Women who did 40 minutes of cardio exercises three times a week also gained half as much weight after quitting. The natural drug effect of exercise - its stress, mood and weight control abilities - helps maintain abstinence from smoking.

You'll have a healthier pregnancy
Consistent cardio exercise, such as jogging for three hours a week, may cut the odds of miscarriage by 40 percent, say researchers at Columbia University School in New York. While the reason is still unclear, regular exercise may help fend off hormonal changes, cutting the risk of uterine contractions, which cause miscarriages. Rigorous exercise also makes sense for expectant mothers because it limits the chance that you'll have a low-weight or premature baby or suffer from postpartum depression. Discuss your exercise plan with your doctor.

You'll hit 100
Workouts will give you some immediate payoffs - say, the right to eat another donut. But they also pay off in the long term, by influencing your longevity. The reason: shapeups help ward off dangerous cholesterol highs, strengthen arteries and can significantly slash your risk of stroke. The amazing stats: 30,000 men and women in Denmark who exercise at least five minutes a week were significantly less likely to die in the following 14 years than their couch-bound counterparts. The landmark study, conducted at the University of Copenhagen, also showed that women benefitted from doing physically demanding jobs - such as cleaning or nursing. These actually seemed to decrease the risk of early death by 10 percent.

You'll toss out those painkillers
Exercisers swear by a good sweat to ease pain from backaches, cramps and more. Now, new research shows that 25 minutes of biking (or any cardio workout) can dull pain, and that the effect can last up to 30 minutes post-work-out.

You'll think faster
What's the best way to be a quick thinker? A study from the University of Illinois showed that just 45 minutes of rapid walking, three days a week can speed up your ability to reason and make decisions. Why? While the brain accounts for only 2 percent of your body weight, it uses a huge 20 percent of the glucose and whopping 23 percent of all the oxygen you take into your body! Exercise improves circulation, and the obviously, the more efficiently your body delivers oxygen, the better nourished your brain cells will be.

You'll have hot sex
Don't bother with fancy chemical and mystical herbal sex aids. Studies show that exercise may help you to do it better. Why? A healthier physique can boost a woman's self-esteem, making her feel sexier. But exercise's benefits aren't purely psychological. Physical activity improves circulation and mediates stress hormones - so that your body feels better, even sexier.

You'll feel happier
A daily 30-minute walk or antidepressant medications - which is more effective at beating depression? Powerful news for sufferers: both work equally well to relieve short as well as long -term symptoms of depression, according to a study from Duke University in North Carolina. Symptoms of depression include sleeplessness, appetite loss and lack of energy. Exercise has a feel better effect because it boosts feel-good chemicals called endorphins and gives people a greater sense of self-confidence. Lowering your pill bill might also bring on a smile.

#23: Best Friend Bust-Up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 24 May 2009 16:35:00 +0000

Why do many of us insist on keeping a friend we no longer - to be honest - really like? Sometimes, you just have to make a break. Here's when you should and how to do it gracefully.

It was a pretty odd time for someone to be drunk - 6am - but as soon as I heard Cass slurring over the telephone, I knew she'd been at the bottle. Again. She was deliriously drunk and happy; I was at one of my lowest ebbs. My father had just died and I'd been sorting through his things with my family. I told her it wasn't a good time for me to talk. "What you need is a drink," she bellowed. I didn't want to tell her what happened. It was only a week until Christmas and I had no desire to depress her. Besides, had she ever really listened to my troubles? Then she said, "Don't tell me something terrible has happened. Don't tell me one of your parents had died. Ugh, I don't need to hear that now." Well, she'd guessed what was wrong, but she'd also let me know just what kind of a friend she'd be if I needed solace. I did, of course. But not from her. So I switched my cell phone off and ignored her remorseful SMS messages. I knew if I logged on, my e-mail would be bulging.

What Kind Of Pal...?
This wasn't the sole reason I decided I no longer wanted her to be my friend. It was simply the culmination of what had been a sham of friendship for years. I could share the good times with Cass, but, hey, please - no misery around her. Why had I kept on seeing her when I knew there were plenty of other women in my life who were much more nicer, warmer, kinder and better friends? Experts says that at the age of 66 she no longer has anyone in her life that she doesn't want. Sounds fab but how does she do it? "As you get older you realize that you just can't waste your precious time with people who aren't pleasant. But it takes a long time to get there. Well, it's nice to know that in a few decades, we might be able to tell Cass to get lost. But experts urges us not to wait. Women are raised to put others' needs before their own, and that includes other women. We feel guilty and selfish if we don't. It's the same with relatives. So many women go on seeing people they just don't like because it's expected and we think it looks good to other people. A lot of women would rather be good than happy. Which do you want? Harsh words but so true.

It's all about our precious, precious time. A mature women can shift out the dead wood from her life because she doesn't know how much longer she'll be around. But we younger women don't have the luxury of time either. So much of our time is crammed full of working, sleeping, eating and traveling - there isn't really a whole lot of time left to spend with the people you care about. So why spend time with people who are hateful or anything less than damn good mates? "Because sometimes you find that a friend has got you in a bind," says Krissie who has for years been trying to offload a former childhood friend. She says: "My mother says I’ve always attracted 'lame ducks'. I'm the one who always gets the nut sitting next to me on the bus. That's how it was with Millie. "We met in elementary school and she clung to me like a leech. When she attempted suicide, I couldn't just dump her, could I? She has real problems and I do sympathize. But this isn't a true friendship, is it?"

Chum Convenience
We often become friends through circumstances more than choice. The best example is the work colleague who becomes a pal because you share so much. Then one of you leaves the firm and you realize all you had in common were shared experiences and now they've gone, so has the basis for your friendship. A simple test to work out whether a friend is really a friend, or just someone you see out of duty. Does she always ring you? How do you feel when you hear her voice on the phone? If your heart sinks or you don't pick up when you see her number on ID caller, it's time to reassess. Think about what you don't like about her. Maybe one of you has changed, but the friendship hasn't. Friendship need to move on, as much as people do. You could also find yourself gradually facing the fact that this so-called friend of yours has actually spent the entire relationship subtly putting you down. Now, with a bit more confidence and self-assurance, you may well think it's time for you to say "enough".

Of course it's never easy to tell someone that you think they're using you, or just that you find them boring. So most of us just let the friendship tail off, we don't return calls, we make sure we're always busy. Eventually, she gets it. Few of us front-up about it, unless of course there's been a fight. Jenni loved putting Christine down whenever they were with other friends. So why did Christine put up with it so long when her other friends couldn't stand Jenni? Christine knows why Jenni behaves like that: she's insecure and nervous in crowds. So she gets drunk and goes over the top. But she can be really sweet and Christine is basically the only friend Jenni has. They say you're stuck with your family but you can choose your friends. Sometimes though, you can feel just as stuck with friends. I'd find it very hard to drop Jenni and, yes, Christine have tried confronting her over the way she belittles her - but all she does is cry, promise never to do it again and then does. What can Christine do?

Making The Break
Sometimes an open fight or frank discussion will change a friendship that isn't going well. But in many cases, as with Christine and Jenni, your friend feels attacked and just defends herself. If you have the kind of friend who just says, 'I'm perfect, leave me alone' then all the frank talk in the world can't change a thing. So the only thing might be to withdraw. It's worth trying to change it... but if you can't, do you really have the energy and time for a friendship that doesn't do it for you? Long-term friendships are what make life worth living. And the longer you know people, the more you've shared together, the greater the understanding. You even speak in a kind of shorthand that both of you understand. That's the kind of friendship worth having. Why have any other?

Why indeed. This is why it's common for women in their 20s to start weeding people out of their lives and sifting out is healthy. You may find yourself in a friendship that's no longer functional so you have to get out of it. It's unrealistic to think that all the friends we ever make can last forever, because they can't - nor should they. Friendships change because we change, leaving to let go is important. We all tend to have transitional people in our lives, people who're there for us at a specific time and help us move from one stage to another. But it’s usually mutual and beneficial for both parties to move on. It's unhealthy not to let people go. If you cling onto old friends, no matter what, you're probably a bit insecure. This is usually rooted in a fear of abandonment, which goes back to early childhood. If you think that's why you hang onto all friendships, even bad ones, it might help for you to work out why you fear losing people. Professional counseling can be a help, but for most women, all that's needed is a good, emotional stock-take. Just realizing what's going on may be enough to help you make the break.

Time To Let Go
Why hang onto all the flotsam and jetsam that attaches itself to you? There's nothing wrong with being selective. Listen to your feelings: if they're telling you that a friend has not only outlived her role in your life, but she's actively taking energy and emotion from you, it's time to let her go. However, it's much harder for some women to be assertive in personal relationships than in, say, a restaurant. He says letting things drift may be crueler than telling someone straight out. It's easier just to be unavailable but the problem is that you're not giving someone a clear message; wouldn't that be kinder? After all, if this so-called friend were a boyfriend, you'd soon get rid of him, wouldn't you? Sure, it's much harder with our girl friends because they've usually seen us through so many painful, experiences with and without men. Yet this is precisely why friendships are too important to throw away on someone who isn't worthy. We often make bad friendships at a time when we're not very sure of ourselves: new job, new man, starting at university. But once you become a bit more self-assured, and know what you want from life, there really is no need to hang onto someone who isn't really there for you/

And if telling a bloke who's been a real bastard to get lost can boost your confidence, there's nothing quite like saying a final goodbye to a cruel friend, as Christine discovered: "It's not as if I hadn't warned Jenni that I didn't like the way she kept putting me down. So I just said to her one night, enough is enough. I didn't want her around anymore. I felt guilty at first as she switched on the inevitable tears but then I was angry. I realized she was just manipulating me. Always had been. Once I stood back and saw this 'friendship' for what it really was, I no longer felt emotionally bound to her. It was such a relief. I feel ready for anything." And so can you, if you let that unworthy friend go. I'm telling Cass tonight...

How To Ditch A Bitch

» Tell her that you've been promoted so you will have very little time for any friends for the next six weeks/month/years.

» Say you're too preoccupied with your own problems to be a decent friend to anyone.

» Explain that you want a six-month break from her because your friendship is so intense, it's taking too much out of you.

» Confess that you don't think that you've been able to be a good friend to her and you want her to find someone else to befriend her.

» Tell her straight that you don't think the friendship is working out, but stress that it's no-one's fault. It's just one of those things.

» Gradually withdraw, don't answer her calls and don't initiate any contact. She'll assume that you've just drifted apart. If she's still too thick-skinned, change your number.

» Decline every invitation she extends to you, no matter how entertaining it is.

» Be honest and kind: say that you feel you've grown apart and that you could both find better friendships elsewhere.

Is Your Star Sign Making You Fat?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 May 2009 06:20:00 +0000

Ever wondered why you'd sell your mother for a Mars bar, while your best friend would rather scoff Big Macs? Well, it turns out our food weaknesses are governed by our star signs. But there is a way to beat your cosmic cravings.

Aries: March 22 - April 20
You're always on the go, so you tend to grab any greasy snack you can find! It's not that you have a fatty-food fetish, but french fries make such a convenient fuel when you want to keep your energy level up as you run around. Since you find cooking boring - why slave over a hot stove when you could be out having fun? - you need to take the time to plan your meals ahead, experiment and try popping a healthy snack in your groovy bag to beat those hunger pangs.

Cosmic cravings: Strong-tasking foods such as sinfully rich curries and disgustingly gorgeous deep-fried chicken.

Healthy Alternatives: Appeal to your fashion-conscious nature by snacking on stylish foods - lots of Zen-style stuff like sushi with pickled ginger and tofu burgers with chili sauce.

Eat More: Cooling foods such as melon, cucumber and salad. Also, stock up on carbohydrates such as pasta and rice for extra energy while you're racing around town.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21
You love luxury, which means indulging yourself with the best comfort food money can buy. Unfortunately, that means you often struggle with those extra pounds. Your ruling planet is Venus, who is also the ruler of honey - so you have a sweet tooth, too. When you suspect an attack of misery (and therefore a binge) is coming on, get out, make a point of eating with others and copy what that health freak is doing!

Cosmic cravings: Comfort foods like cakes, biscuits, chocolates and creamy sauces.

Healthy alternatives: Trick that sweet tooth with low-fat chocolate drinks, low-fat milks and luxuriously sweet fruits.

Eat more: Fiber and energizing foods such as broccoli and mangoes.

Gemini: May 22 - June 22
You have loads of get up and go, and your naturally high stress levels usually keep you slim! For you, food has to be interesting and you are drawn to contrast in flavors, but as you're impatient, you can be a total fast-food junkie. You're a people person - to really enjoy cooking, your kitchen needs to be packed full of friends! Never shop when hungry; better still, with your natural talent for computers, log on and go for home shopping (and delivery) instead.

Cosmic cravings: Loads of sweets, crisps and chips.

Healthy alternatives: Pack dried fruit and low-fat crackers into your handbag for low-fat, healthy snacking.

Eat more: Fresh fruits and salads.

Cancer: June 23 - July 23
As the material moon rules your sign, you love taking care of others, and that includes feeding them with wholesome-but-yummy dishes, which you'll happily pick at when cooking! You love cream, but your body finds it hard to digest, so you should buy low-fat dairy products - especially sweet yoghurts for a quick dessert. You have a weakness for fine wine (which has loads of hidden calories) so try to keep it down to one glass a night.

Cosmic cravings: Anything creamy, as well as indulgent munchies such as fried fritters.

Healthy alternatives: Fat-free yoghurt with honey and low-fat soya substitutes will give you that creamy fix, without all the calories and fats.

Eat more: Citrus fruits, green leafy vegetables.

Leo: July 24 - August 23
You don't have the patience or inclination to spend hours cooking, but you love going to glamorous restaurants - for you, food is yet another reason to celebrate. Eating until you're ready to burst is probably one of your biggest downfalls, but pigging out - then skipping meals - isn't the path to good health. Try to eat smaller meals more often to keep your energy levels even and the calories down.

Cosmic cravings: Fried food, luxurious desserts and anything that looks good.

Healthy alternatives: Choose stir-fries over deep-fried foods, slurp on steamboats, and make your own glamorous desserts with tropical fruits.

Eat more: Strawberries and root vegetables.

Virgo: August 24 - September 23
You're health conscious, but when stress hits, you often find it difficult to eat and your digestive system becomes sensitive. Your diet obsession means you can sometimes be a little too strict and sometimes a naughty treat would give you the buzz you need. Also, avoid fad dieting and cutting out whole food groups - you'll just stress yourself out more over that. Do your research and supplement your diet with multi-vitamins.

Cosmic cravings: Cheese snacks and high-energy drinks that are often full of sugar.

healthy alternatives: Skip the sports drinks for water or fresh fruit juices; and try low-fat cheese.

Eat more: Foods rich in vitamin B, such as dark green leafy vegetables.

Libra: September 24 - October 24
Your indecisiveness can make cooking a tricky business - you'll often give up almost before you turn on the stove! But you love good food and getting anyone to cook for you brings a sense of excitement, especially if you know you're in for a luxurious and stylish feast. To resist bingeing on comfort foods, stock up on quick but healthy alternatives and don't even buy those biscuits in the first place!

Cosmic cravings: Cheesecake, chocolate and exotic sauces.

Healthy alternatives: Exotic doesn't have to mean sugar-filled; try snacking on low-fat frozen yoghurts, fruit, yoghurt with honey or pureed fruit.

Eat more: Cereals and other fiber sources.

Scorpio: October 25 - November 22
Being ruled by transforming Pluto, your food needs to be full of variety and taste. For you, eating just isn't about fuelling your body - it's a chance to indulge yet another one of your senses. However, sometimes you fall into the trap of being erratic about your eating habits without even realizing what you're doing, so keep an eye on your eating patterns. Regular meals will nurture and give you a sense of well-being - don't underestimate your needs.

Cosmic cravings: Chocolate, rich desserts, strong flavors, rich dishes with peppers, cream and wine.

Healthy alternatives: Indulge your sensual side with low-fat aphrodisiacs such as oysters and strawberries.

Eat more: Raw fruit, cereals (rather than fried noodles for breakfast), and drink more water to flush out your system.

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 22
You often treat food as a refueling pit stop, gulping on the go. You're social, but fancy restaurants don't do it for you, you'd rather share a burger or hot dog with friends at the park or an outdoors event. You need to slow down and realize what you're eating. Foods with interesting herbs and spices will appeal, if you just take some time out to taste them properly!

Cosmic cravings: Greasy pizzas and rich oriental sauces.

Healthy alternatives: Make your own pizza instead, with low-fat cheese, and skip the coconut milk-based curries in flavor of nice veggie stir-fries.

Eat more: Vegetables and carbohydrates - especially brown rice - for sustenance.

Capricorn: December 23 - January 20
You're so practical and busy that you don't often fuss about food. But you have a soft spot for familiar foods - traditional family recipes that you enjoyed as a child are often favorites. While you rarely put on weight, it doesn't necessarily follow that you're a healthy eater! Those family favorites are often dripping with oil. Always buy the best cuts of meat and never skimp on lots of healthy vegetables.

Cosmic cravings: Chips, fried rice, rich sauces and creamy desserts.

Healthy alternatives: Little changes make a big difference - eat those family favorites with steamed rice instead, and choose vinegar dressing for your salads.

Eat more: Salads, raw vegetables, healthy carbohydrates, and make time to enjoy!

Aquarius: January 21 - February 19
One day you'll e preaching about food additives and genetically modified food and the next, grabbing a fast food burger! But the human body is sensitive and doesn't like having fat and gristle pumped into it after being "clean" for so long. Balance your diet and think about how you're mixing your foods. Stock up on basics like tinned fish, frozen veggies, noodles and rice for fast nutritious meals (though watch that starch!)

Cosmic cravings: Ice-cream, sticky desserts, starch.

Healthy alternatives: Foods that are packed with flavor as well as nutrients, such as frozen yoghurt, pureed and frozen fruit, and experiment with pulses.

Eat more: Fruit and fish.

Pisces: February 20 - March 21
Being an emotional sign, when stress hits, the weight tends to pile on. However, you can also forget about basics of eating! This see-saw confuses your body, making it hard to build up fitness or lose weight. Bring your eating habits into line and start your day well, with a good breakfast; also, eating smaller meals more often will stop your binge/starving tendencies. You enjoy the romance of eating with other people - particularly friends - but usually find cooking boring. Try a vegetarian restaurant instead of a pizza parlor.

Cosmic cravings: Vodka Red Bulls, avocados, wine.

Healthy alternatives: White wine spritzers, gin and tonic, fruit drinks and salads (hold the salad cream).

Eat more: Fiber and drink more water.

Act Like A Man

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 06:24:00 +0000

People talk about getting in touch with their inner child, but what about releasing your inner man? Take your cue from male behavior and put yourself first... for a change. Trust us, you'll love it!

It was at my niece's birthday party that I discovered how useful it is to "play it like a man". We watching the happily screaming kids, and their party food was laid out for them, while we adults were due to eat our "grown-up" meal a couple of hours later. I was starving. I could have eaten a whole child, with or without sauce. What to do? Sneak away to the cafe and order a quick sandwich? Carry on starving stoically? See if anyone else was hungry too, take orders from them and nip down to the nearest hawker stall?

In a guy's shoes
"What would a guy do?" I asked myself. I knew the answer: forget the rest of them, forget etiquette. I'd been up since the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning to help my sister prepare this party, skipped breakfast and missed lunch. So I simply walked to a nearby cafe, ordered a sandwich, came back and ate it. No explanation. No "Oh I'm so sorry to eat in front of you all, it's just that..." Didn't bother with any of it. It wasn't a crime. Why should I explain? All I did was put my needs first. Further, I didn't explain myself nor hope that everyone still loved me despite my refusal to self-sacrifice, to think of others, to empathize, assume some of them might be hungry too. And this is how women are conditioned to act. Even if we're the main earners in our families, most of us are either expected to, or take on, an additional caring role. We may do the same job as men now, but we've kept the essentially "female" roles too. Don't you ever find it truly exhausting?

If we're to occupy the same place as men in the workplace, or at least strive to, shouldn't we also have some of their privileges? The best one being the right, occasionally, to put yourself first? To think of your own needs and not bother charging around, trying to please others all the time? Of course this can sound dangerously self-centered. But there's a Chinese proverb too, isn't there? If I am not for me, who will be? Men find this much easier to adhere to, I think, than women. We're taught to please, and we're afraid to court disapproval; terrified of being too selfish. It makes some kind of sense too because we do bear children - so perhaps some of this need to nurture others is innate. But most of us are way off bearing children, so there's no need to constantly put others first in the way that we'll have no choice but to do once we have given birth. Why not take advantage of our childfree state while we can? Why not take a cue from men?

Feel guilty? Naah!
"It's like asking a man if he feels guilty for eating too much chocolate or drinking too many beers on a night out," says my friend Lil. "They look at your like you're crazy or something. What? Me, a man feel guilty? What on earth for?" In fact, time spent in male company can be quite a tonic after too many girlie nights moaning about the size of your thighs (yawn) the number of calories consumed (even bigger yawn) and whether he loves you or not (zzzzzz). Lil again: "Men just don't angst like this. They are far more straightforward in their dealings with their bellies and their wallets. "Okay, maybe they worry a bit about someone they really like and whether she likes them too, and should they make a move now or leave it because she might think they're a bit too keen... That sort of thing. But they wouldn't dream of beating themselves up the way we women do for eating too much or drinking too much."

Men put themselves first because they're allowed to. Not all men are raised by male-worshipping mothers who teach them to expect the best because they deserve it. But many are. And if you have brothers, you'll know how infuriating it can be that you can do three hours of household chores a day that don't even get noticed, but he only has to offer to wash up once in a blue moon to be showered with gratitude. It's like the story of the brother and sister, both busy executives who have moved away from home. The woman visits her parents every weekend, carries out chores for them, bring gifts, is in every way the dutiful daughter? The man comes home for the odd holiday, doesn't do a chore, doesn't offer any financial help and forgets to bring a gift. His mother is always overjoyed to see him but thinks her daughter an ungrateful, selfish child who only visits once a week. No wonder man rarely feel guilt and find it easy to put themselves first. They've been trained to be No. 1 in their world from day one.

Too much empathy
Why should we women act that way sometimes, too? One gift we females tend to have over the boys is empathy. We can feel our way into someone else's soul. We've frequently been taught to think of others first, to imagine how they feel, so why not turn these lessons to our advantage for a change? Let's say they're looking for volunteers at work, to put in a few extra hours on the weekend because there's a big audit due and it'll really help the company. You're planning to move. This is a going-nowhere company and you've already had offers. There is nothing to gain from working over. It might make you feel good to do a good deed but this is work we're talking about. The cut-throat world of commerce, not a friend or family member who needs you. As a woman, the appeal would undoubtedly be directed straight at your heart. It's hard to refuse. Why not duck and let that arrow miss your heart and hit your head instead? Look at it with cold logic. What's in it for you?

"It sounds so selfish to put yourself like this but it's what men do, isn't it?" says Janice, a fellow friend. "And it doesn't seem to fo their careers any harm." Janice is tired of watching the men skive as much as they can at work, ducking the difficult tasks, while taking praise for ideas not their own. "Women will work far harder than they need and waste much time trying to please people - instead of just getting on with the job," adds Janice.

Feminizing men
Men are frequently exhorted to act more like women. We're told that the world of work is becoming more feminized, what with the "knowledge-based" industries like IT booming. Men must get in touch with their softer sides if they're to succeed, goes the mantra. Otherwise, they'll be left behind. Hello? I haven't noticed the world suddenly becoming woman-shaped and orientated, have you? Yes, men could use a few softer skills, the so-called feminine traits. But why should they? If they've nothing to gain from it, believe me, they won't bother. They'll still prefer beer-and-leer nights to sweet talk'n'empathy. They won't become more like us unless they perceive a reason to. And the only time they might be is when they want to get close to a woman. Then they cheerfully admit they'll "play the game" as Thomas candidly told me one night.

"Look, all men know the score: you have to do the touchy feely stuff, and I don't mean physically, unfortunately. Girls like talking and they like you to listen. But to be honest, this is going somewhere really special. I only pretend to be a sweet sensitive guy. I'm there for what I can get, I see no reason why women shouldn't act the same sometimes?" Some men claim we do just that. We pretend to care because we want the diamonds and furs some guys will shower on us. But that's not taking it like a man. Taking it like a man, rather than a gold-digging hussy is being straight, up-front and honest. "I wish women would be more like men," adds Thomas. "It'd sure make life easier if a girl would tell you straight-up whether she was interested or not. Or even when doing something simple, like trying to choose a film to watch together. I hate it when girls say, 'I don't mind. You choose.' You should mind. You should have an opinion. And chances are, you do. Why not come out and say it?"

Say it like a man
Being a man does not mean stomping over everyone else. It just means using your feminine nous to know there are times when saying straight out what you think or want, is far better than namy-pambying around. So the next time your boss calls you for an appraisal ask yourself, "How would a man handle this?" If you're asked to do more than your share at work or at home, think: "Would they ask this if I were a man?" Getting in touch with the inner male warrior inside us all is an excellent way to refuse to be treated like second-class citizens just because we happened to be born with a different set of chromosomes to the guys. Men aren't perfect but nor are they the enemy. We can learn from their straight-talking ways. So if you're ever in a bit of a fix and can't think of a way to deal with it, take a breath and think "man". It might just give you the answer your crave.

How To Do It Like A Man
You're asked to work late with no notice, and you have plans for that night.
A woman's way: Reluctantly agree and cancel your carefully laid plans. Moan ceaselessly or mutter under your breath about "inconsiderate people".

A man's way: Say you have plans for that night so no, just can't do it. No more explanation offered. No great, crowd-moving speeches. Just a simple statement of fact: "Sorry, I can't. I have plans."

Your mother asks you to clean the house for the fifth time this week. You think that you're already doing more than your share.
A woman's way: Complain, have a go at the homework, say it's not fair, and why doesn't everyone else do their share, look how much I've already done.

A man's way: Point out you've done plenty already and refuse. No more explanation. To the point. And repeat it, if necessarily, to show you mean it.

You need to take a faulty item back to the store. You know that you have rights but you're not in the mood for any kind of fight.
A woman's way: You stutter and practically apologize to the sales person or manager because they sold you something that doesn't work.

A man's way: You point out that the goods are faulty, have your receipt to hand and demand a full refund. You refuse to leave the shop till you have it. Employ the stuck CD method where you keep saying what you want over and over again, until you get it.

Your love partner seems to be cooling towards you. You want to know where you stand but all attempts to sort this prove futile. He simply says, "Everything's fine."
A woman's way: You assume it's all your fault. You must have done something wrong. You jump through fire-rimmed hoops, do whatever it takes, to try and please this person and win back the affection you know they once felt for you.

A man's way: You produce the evidence. You point out this person has been "out" several times recently when you called and appears to show little interest. You want to know, one way or another, is this still a going concern or not? (If the answer is not, you walk away head held high, then bawl your eyes out when no-one else can see.)

A friend owes you money. You're flat broke and need it back. Your friend shows no signs of repaying, despite frequent hints, but clearly could afford to repay.
A woman's way: You go on and on about how broke you are. You ask ever-so-nicely if they could repay the loan and then meekly accept it when they say that they can't... yet, somehow, have funds for a $800 new dress.

A man's way: You say you want the money back and you want it now. You add the threat that if they don't repay, you go to their parents or employers for that sum. And you never call this person a friend again.

#20: 5 Ways To Make A Man Commit

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 05:35:00 +0000

How come all your friends seem to be meeting Mr. Forever and you're stuck with Mr. Maybe? Could be you're breaking one of these five relationship sins.

"It's not you. It's me."
"I've met someone else."
"It's getting too serious."
"I don't love you anymore."

Those are the top excuses he'll give for leaving, as sung by that commitment-phobic bastard formerly known as The One. It was hearing those painful phrases over and over that made me curious as to why some men cannot commit and others don't. For most of us, it's the same old story. You meet, you date, you introduce him to your parents. In the beginning he goes out of his way to make you like him - he laughs at your jokes and "blames the dog" for you. For 18 months it isn't exactly Brad and Jennifer but it's not Tommy and Pammy, either. Then, one fateful day, a friend gets engaged and you decide it's time for "the talk". Will he commit or won't he? Well, go back to the list of excuses above and circle the pathetic reasons he gave. It hurts, of course, because you couldn't understand why. You know plenty of women in long-lasting, loving relationships, so what's their secret? Why won't it happen for you? Chances are, if you've been breaking even one of the five relationship rules listed here, you'll have found your answer.

The 1st commandment:

Thou shalt retain thy independence

Men love independence women - the type of girl who can fend for herself, spend nights alone or with friends (without him), and not have to rely on him for everything. He wants to know that, if he ever did have to leave (heaven forbid), you'd be able to get along without him. After all, one of the first things that turned his head in your direction was that wily mind of your own. Remember when your opinion was your own, and his opinion was his? He doesn't want to make love to, or live with a carbon copy of himself. Especially if you were two different peas in very different pods in the beginning. Oh, and there's something else. Does he manage your bank account, decide where you go on weekends and what videos you watch? If you leave everything up to him, he'll get bored of being your personal assistance and move on. As a 25-year-old man who wishes to remain anonymous puts it: "I want someone who can keep me on my toes. Which means she'd have her bags packed and be out the door within half an hour if I started expecting that everything would go my way or if I took too much for granted."

Spontaneity is a huge plus in any relationship. Keeping your relationship new and fresh will keep him coming back for more. Don't be at his beck-and-call. If he rings you on a Friday night and you've already arranged cocktails with the girls, keep your plans. You can always spend the rest of the weekend in his arms. Sure, a guy needs to know you're into him, for the relationship to work but if he thinks he's the only person in your address book, he'll start to wonder why. Think about the couples that you love and endure. The most stand-out thing about any good relationship is that both people in them have strong identities of their own. Men want a girlfriend who won't lose her sense of self, her ambitions, her desires and her values simply because she fell in love. She won't be dominated, controlled or relegated to second place to keep someone else happy. And she knows that giving up her identity is the quickest way to make her man lose interest!

Warning: Don't swing between ice-princess and a roll of cling film just to keep him interested. No-one likes a game-player and if your man doesn't feel some genuine emotion in those come-here-go-away vibes, you'll be left waiting for the phone to ring for a very long time.

The 2nd commandment:

Thou shalt keep him guessing and guessing

Men get restless if you deal them the same cards day in, day out. If he can guess your response to any situation, you'll both sink into a rut any sane person would want to escape from. Think about it: how does your man react when he gets the same aftershave from grandma every Christmas? Sure, he might not ask to be written out of her will, but she's family - he doesn't have to put up with the "same old thing" from you. If your relationship is predictable, you can bet the outcome will be as well. If you are spontaneous and carefree, you'll both have a wonderful time. By proving you are an unpredictable, caring, beautiful person, you'll earn your boyfriend's love and respect. When it comes to our relationships with men, we often focus on our physical stimulation, expecting good sex to be enough to make our men love us forever.

But men can get sex anywhere; what they can't get is a woman who respects them enough to care about their happiness. The brain is the largest sex organ of all. We need to learn how to satisfy each other mentally; to arouse each other's curiosity to tap into our partner's sense of adventure. Of course, sex is important, too, but it's just as important to know how to blow his mind, as his.. well, you get the picture. A relationship needs change to keep it hot. Don't be afraid to try new things. You wouldn't want you guy to have the same silly beard and moustache for years, now, would you? Go to the football match with him, take him out to dinner once in a while. Surprise him, keep him guessing. Broaden your horizons and he'll be there with you for the entire journey.

Warning: Be interesting and surprising, not shocking and disturbing. Showing up at his workplace dressed as his favorite porn starlet may be taking things too far.

The 3rd commandment:

Thou shalt let him come to his own conclusions

You've been together for an all time personal record and you know him so well, you could easily speak on his behalf. In fact, you do. Someone asks if you've seen the latest movie. You say: "We loved that!" A friend sees you guy eyeing a pretty waitress: "Oh, he wouldn't do that. He doesn't find tall girls attractive." Someone asks what your boyfriend would think of you flirting with a male colleague. Your response: "Oh, he wouldn't mind." You've planned the future as one half of an "us" for a while now, and you think he feels the same - about everything. You assume his tastes are a perfect match for your own. You've instilled your man with a taste for culture ("We love going to the theatre!" and weaned him off the footy ("Oh, no, we'd hate to sit at home all day watching TV.") Then, out of the blue, the man who never found fault with your cooking/driving/taste in music, puts your mother to shame with his ability to pick you apart. Mr.-Agrees-With-Everything-You-Do is now Mr. Au Contraire. If, all of a sudden, he's become the personification of everything you hate in a man - a heavy-metal listening, women-hating, tracksuit-wearing, pub-after-work, fart-out-loud kind of guy - ask yourself why. How, in the space of mere months, could Mr. Perfect have turned into a disagreeable stick-in-the-mud?

Perhaps it's because you're taking credit for everything he does or says. Does this list of oft-said girlfriendisms sound familiar? "You should have seen how he dressed before he met me!"; "We both love anything with Gwyneth Paltrow in it..."; "Oh, I cut his hair for him.."; "He doesn't like going anywhere without me." If so, it's time to back off, baby. Give the guy a break. He's allowed to have his own tastes, interests and feelings. He's even allowed to flirt occasionally. If he's griping about the relationship, complaining about commitment and whining about his freedom, it's probably because he feels suffocated by you. And the only sure way to get him to come around is to give him some breathing space to be himself. Don't force the issue. Take a deep breath and step aside. If he sees that you are respectful of his boundaries, he'll loosen up and feel like he can agree with you on certain things again, while maintaining his own views on others. Which means, when he says, "I hate anchovies on pizza," you can say, "Oh, okay. we'll just get them on my half, then." And you'll both be happier for it.

Warning: If you really let him be himself, you'll probably find the house infested with beer-guzzling mates on days football is on (a good time to hit the shops?). And you may have to feign amusement at the occasional fart joke.

The 4th commandment:

Thou shalt keep the faith

Here's a late-breaking news item: men want the same things women want from a relationship. They may act like they reside on the fourth rock from the sun, but if you believe you're the only one who wants love, peace and commitment, he'll think you're not interested in what he wants, thinks or feels. Don't subscribe to that "gender-specific traits" argument. If you go into a relationship believing men are programmed to cheat, you'll never trust him - and he'll know it. If you can't trust him, he'll wonder why you're with him in the first place, which will make him think you want to "change" him, a definite turn-off. Like us, guys want to be accepted for who they are.

Couples with successful relationships have managed to negotiate the minefield of infatuation, pursuit, seduction and conquest to finally establish a loyal, committed partnership. And the only way you can do that is via your parents' favorite word: compromise. It's all about appreciating each other as friends, as well as lovers, and respecting that you each have the right to be happy. Unfortunately, we don't always agree on what will be best for us as a couple, so you sometimes have to bite your tongue and let your man have his way, or vice versa, for the ultimate good of the relationship. Most "happy couples" find peace through trial-and-error, but you may be able to hurry things along if you stop seeing him as the enemy and appreciate that you might just have different ways of reaching the same end result. If you encourage each other with genuine love and support, it should be plain sailing.

Warning: To know what you both want, you need to talk. But be careful: you may hear a few nasty home truths. If you want "two kids, one of each" and he wants to remain rug-rat free forever, you'll have to admit he isn't the man of your dreams, after all.

The 5th commandment:

Thou shalt not expect too much of him

So he doesn't buy you flowers every day. He forgot to tell you he loves you this morning. He doesn't remember the anniversary of the day you first met. Lighten up: if you hadn't written down the exact time and date of your first kiss, you wouldn't remember, either. The old gender-difference argument actually does ring true once in a while, and that time is now. Women put great importance on what time of the day the sun first shone on the broad, naked shoulders of their sexy new beau - but men generally couldn't care less. The important thing to your guy is that you are with him at all. You know all those times when you asked your boyfriend, "Do you love me?" and he answered, "I'm here, aren't I?"... well, think about that for a minute. It may just be the simple, honest truth. Single male life is a beautiful thing, full of football, beer, buddies and casual dating. Why would he forego all of that if you meant nothing to him? Trust him, give him a chance to show his appreciation of you in his own way, and you might find you have nothing to complain about.

Warning: Don't give him too much rope, or he might hang himself. All that lack of caring may actually be just that - maybe he doesn't give two hoots if you stay or go. But, deep down, you'll know the answer to that yourself, anyway. Bottom line is, there's a difference between forgetting the occasional anniversary and not celebrating your birthday year after year. If he constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, leave.

The Wrong Reasons Men Stay

These two men will say with you no matter what, Unfortunately, you won't want them to.

The settle-for-second-best guy:
After spending several years at the international buffet of womanhood, some guys get heatburn and decide to stick with what they know best. Yes, now and then, men get tired of chasing - it's just too much hard work (so to speak) - and come to the conclusion that the girlfriend they're with now (you) is probably just as good as anyone they're likely to meet. Avoid these men at all costs. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who sees you as anything less than the best. He'll say things like "I don't believe in love", only to reveal later, that he does - with another woman.

The if-I-wanted-to-work-I'd-be-doing-paid-overtime guy:
Some men think the right relationship is one that doesn't require any work. He wouldn't dream of buying a car, then not filling it with petrol, but this same guy will believe that it's possible to be the perfect couple without any effort. Which means he's quite content in the honeymoon phase of a relationship; but he's out the door the first time you disagree about whether tax is a good or bad thing. Don't fall for it. You've got better things to do than tip-toe around someone who'll ditch you the first time you put a foot wrong.

Back To Basics: How To Choose A Bra

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 07:09:00 +0000

Hands up those who had themselves measured the last time they bought a bra! If you did, give yourself a pat on your back. Many women make the mistake of buying lingerie that's too small, which is not only uncomfortable but can cause breathing difficulties. A woman's figure is constantly changing, and by measuring herself every time she buys lingerie, she can be sure of buying the right size and type. When correctly fitted, lingerie should:

» support your body

» flatter your figure

» buffer your body from heat and cold

» help protect your clothes

Buying lingerie isn’t something that should be rushed, simply because you need time to try out several different styles before deciding what is best for you. The first step is to get a trained expert to take your measurements whenever you buy a bra. All lingerie outlets should have someone who is trained to take your measurements. A woman's body is distorted when she measures herself, and the expert who does this countless times a day is more likely to get a more accurate figure. She will measure your bust (the highest part of your breast) and your underbust (the area just below your bust). Armed with these figures, you can start trying on items. Once you have the bra on, raise both arms, and try moving to see how comfy it is. No lingerie store should have a problem with you trying on bras; if they do, go elsewhere.

Here's a rundown of some of the types of bras that are available

» Plunging: This type of bra has a deep front centre-cut, suitable for plunging v-necks, so that your bra won't play peek-a-boo.

» Strapless: Like its name, it comes without straps so it's suitable to wear with spaghetti straps or tube tops/dresses. You'll need to choose your strapless carefully. Let's just say, it's far less embarrassing to be caught jumping up and down in the dressing room to test the strapless, than to have your bra slip down... in the middle of a crowded bus or train.

» Push-up bra: There are people who swear they can spot a push-up bra from across the room, then there are others who can't live without them. At worst, they can look, well... exactly like what they are; but at best, they can help fill out the tight sweater look.

» Underwire: Contrary to belief, underwire bras aren't just for the better-endowed girls. The underwire cradles your breasts and provides definition for the more petite girls too. What is important in an underwire bra is getting the right fit, or it may pinch - ouch!

» Minimizer: Regular-sized girls may be wondering what this would be used for. But those of us who are generously endowed know certain clothes look better when your assets are minimized. T-shirts and singlets for one, and luckily minimizer bras not only starting to have more sex appeal but, with wider straps, they support better as well!

The Bra: Where It All Began...

Here's a brief look at the tumultuous evolution of the bra in the last century.

1900: The painful, unhealthy corset began losing favor and a less restrictive undergarment named "brassiere" appeared. The word was derived from the old French word for upper arm (yeah, we don't get it either!).

1914: Birth of the first patented brassiere. Invented by a New York socialite, Mary Phelps Jacob, it was called the "backless brassiere".

1917: The US War Industries Board requested women stop buying corsets in order to free up metal for the war! Thus the bra gained ground.

1920s: This was the era of the "Flapper", and the flat-chested boyish look was all the rage. The function of the bra became to flatten breasts.

1930s: The return of the bust. The bra's function once again is holding and supporting breasts.

1950s: This was the decade of decadence Ds (cups, babe)! "Falsies" were hot property! The heavy padding evolved into push-up bras and bras with stiffened cups with underwire. Strapless bras also became popular at this time.

1960s: Time to burn those bras. The women's liberation movement saw many bra-burning rallies as bras were seen as a symbol of conformity and servitude.

1990s: Bras are back, and they're baaad! From Madonna and her Jean-Paul Gaultier outfits, to Elle and her lace numbers, underwear is increasingly used for self-expression. And the Wonder Bra appears, the ultimate push-up.

Bare Necessities

Keeping Abreast

» Go braless if your outfit calls for it (i.e. something backless, bikini-cut, halters, etc), but do wear a bra under outfits that you can fit one under, as often as possible. It provides support against gravity, plus, you'll get fewer rude stares from men on the public transport.

» Use stick-on breast support cups if you're uncomfortable about your nipples showing through, or for support if you're a C cup and over.

» Good strapless bras are few and far between. So when you find one that fits, buy in bulk. You'll need at least one each in nude, black and white.

» Please leave those see-through plastic straps where they belong - at the back of your cupboard. They're tack. And yes, everyone can see them.

#18: Work It Out

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:13:00 +0000

We all have some body bits that need more work than the others. And aerobic classes may not hit the target area enough to make a difference. Here's how to tailor your workout to your problem spots.

Best for shapely legs...
In-line skating
What it does: In-line skating (or rollerblading) works virtually every muscle from the hips down, to give you a shapely, toned legs and a firm, tight butt. Unlike single-plane activities such as walking, running, jogging and cycling, in-line skating is two-plane: that means there's a side-to-side movement as well as forward motion, so those hard-to-isolate inner and outer thighs are given just as much of a work-out as the backs and fronts of your legs. Blading up and down hills helps tone the bottom and quadriceps: long, fast rides strengthen the back of the legs and burn up more kilojoules. Carry small hand weights when you're blading to increase upper-body strength. Rollerblading is also said to be a terrific mood enhancer.

Sweat factor:
In-line skating will work up a good sweat, so wear clothing that is cool and comfortable. A slow ride burns around 900kJ for each 30 minutes; whereas a fast ride including hill work burns around 1200kJ each 30 minutes and gives a reasonably vigorous cardiovascular work-out to boot.

How do I get started?
As well as blades, you'll need a helmet, wrist guards and knee and elbow pads.

How often should I do it?
Aim for at least three 30-45 minutes sessions a week to really tone up your thighs, calves and bottom fast. Try to alternate long, fast, flat rides with spurts of uphill work.

Tips: Squeeze your buttocks slightly as you blade, and concentrate on using your legs. Keep your head high and look forward, rather than down at the ground. For best results, keep your back straight and bend from hips and knees when you want to pick up speed.

Best for trim, toned arms...
Swimming
What it does: It's the best way to build shapely shoulders and it increases upper-body strength without lifting weights, especially if you add hand paddles. Swimming may seem easy and effortless, but water offers 12 times the resistance of air, so it's good for the cardiovascular system too. Work your legs by doing a few laps of the pool with a kickboard. Better still, take up scuba diving - not only does it offer the same upper-body benefits as swimming, but the kicking action exercises the fronts and backs of the thighs, as well as the hips and stomach muscles.

Sweat factor: You won't sweat much in the water, but you will get a vigorous workout, burning between 800 and 1500 kJ per 30 minutes!

How do I get started?
Lessons are held at most pools, just ask around your local swimming pool.

How often should I do it?
Swim at least three times a week for 20 minutes; dive as often as practicable (try taking a holiday to a destination with great dive sites).

Tips: Vary your strokes so that you work out all the muscles in your arms, back and chest; trying doing 10 laps freestyle, 10 breaststroke and finally, 10 backstroke. It's also important to keep your head in the water to avoid back strain, so try breathing in on one stroke, then exhaling over the next four.

Best for upper body...
Boxercise
What it does:Hook, jab and uppercut your way to a super-strong and toned upper body. Working out on the heavy punching bags builds arm, chest and back muscle, while speed balls (the small ball-like bags on springs) plus footwork are excellent for co-ordination and concentration skills. A boxercise work-out also includes a session of skipping to increase speed and cardiovascular fitness, and to burn off those kilojoules, so it's an excellent total body workout.

Sweat factor: A 45-minute class will have you in a lather of sweat. Both concentrated punching and skipping burn up around 1200kJ per 30 minutes.

How do I get started?
Most gyms provide boxing gloves, but if you don't fancy wearing someone else's sweaty mitts, buy your own. It's best to get medium weight gloves that can be used for both heavy bags and speed bags.

How often should I do it?
Two 45-minute classes a week are enough, but you should also skip for at least 20 minutes, three times a week, at home.

Tips Learn how to punch correctly or you could end up hurting your hands, wrists as well as shoulders.

Best for smaller butt...
Cycling
What it does: Cycling is a great toning workout for the gluteals (buttock muscles) and hip flexors, as well as the thighs and calves. It tones and build muscles, is excellent for cardiovascular fitness and can help to increase lung capacity. If you find road-traffic too daunting, try working out on a stationary bike at the gym. To get the best bottom work-out, adjust the bike seat so that the balls of your feet just reach the pedals at full stretch, pedal on grass rather than a hard surface for more resistance, and lift your butt off the seat as much as possible when you ride.

Sweat factor: The more hilly the route you choose, the more sweat you'll raise. An easy flat cycle will burn around 700kJ per 30 minutes, while a very fast ride burns around 1500kJ per 30 minutes and gets the cardiovascular rate jumping.

How do I get started?
On a mountain bike - they're sturdy, easy to ride and the upright body position when riding them means there's less stress on your back.

How often should I do it?
For best results, hop on your bike for half to one hour, three times a week.

Tips: To prevent back problems, don't wiggle from side to side when you ride. Remember, long, flat rides tone muscles and hills help to build muscle.

Best for a flat stomach...
Pilates
What it does: Pilates exercises are based on the premise that the stomach is the center of bodily power and that all strength and balance flows from there. If the stomach isn't strong, other muscles will clench up to compensate. In every Pilates exercises - there are around 500 of them, plus variations - the stomach is held in tightly and the shoulders are relaxed. Pilates is designed to stretch and elongate muscles, rather than bulk them up. Classes are often silent to assist concentration, and Pilates is good for mental energy as well as physical strength and flexibility. It's also said to improve your sex life.

Sweat factor: While the exercise do not appear difficult, they can be extremely strenuous when performed correctly. Pilates is designed to change the shape of your body, rather than give you a vigorous cardiovascular workout, so you'll only burn around 500kJ for every 30 minutes.

How do I get started?
Because special equipment is used, you will need to attend a Pilates studio. Pilates usually involves one-on-one instruction so it's a little more expensive than most other exercise sessions.

How often should I do it?
To get the full body-shaping benefits of Pilates, you'll need to attend a minimum of three sessions per week. Each session lasts from one to one-and-a-half hours.

Tips: Do not be put off by the equipment... even though it looks as though it belongs in some kind of medieval torture chamber!