Marshall's Blog

Leave Space

2022-07-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that one of my consistent mental exercises is the one where I try to take all the current changes in my life and extrapolate future events. I should say possible future events. This is a close cousin to rehearsing a conversation you are going to have repeatedly before the actual person you plan on talking to is involved. It is kind of like emotional planning. If I can think of all the worst possibilities then I can lessen the sting of surprise, I can better “handle” disappointment if I can expect it fist.

I had a student once that was worried about visiting their parents. They spoke about the past of their relationship and just vented about how it all made them feel. While writing this I remember what I told her and am slightly embarrassed because I so often fail to keep my own counsel or heed my own advice. I told her to feel her feelings to pick them up and then put them down and to leave space for her parents to surprise her. Maybe it will all happen as you expect it, and you have already experienced that before. But maybe they will surprise you by being a bit more understanding, by resisting the urge to lecture and judge. If she didn’t ever leave space for her parents to surprise her then maybe she would only be disappointed and see what she was always looking for, what she has always gotten before.

There are many rejections, traumas, and big shifts in life. I believe change can trigger our emotions because so often big changes precipitated grief, rejection, or abandonment. I feel that all too well, but when we walk with Christ we are called to a different pattern of living. We are called to begin leaving space. We are to leave space for God to work in. For God to delight us and delight in us. For God to bring us good surprises, for God to accept us. We must rehearse our worship and response to gifts and good things God brings our way. We leave space for God to work and work it out.

Scripture so often describes God as faithful to us. I read a scripture this week in the message translation that I would like to share with you about God’s love for his people and us. Isaiah 41:13 says, “Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you will end up out in the cold—real losers. Those who worked against you will end up empty-handed— nothing to show for their lives. When you go out looking for your old adversaries you won’t find them—Not a trace of your old enemies, not even a memory. That’s right. Because I, your GOD, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’ God is so much in our corner he makes audacious promises like the one above, kind of like a friend that goes to battle for you whether you ask that of them or not. There are not a lot of feelings better than another person saying I will back your play, I’m not going anywhere.

During times of change and uncertainty leave space for God to do good things for and remember the He is in your corner.

Revival

2022-05-03T13:33:00.001-07:00

In 1906 there began a movement in America which saw the bringing together of both black and white Christians in the Holy Spirit filled worship of God. The movement began in a small house on Bonnie Brae Street in Los Angeles, California. The small congregation soon moved to Azusa Street where it grew and began the Pentecostal movement. This movement crossed racial divides and denominational lines at first, but when it too became a denomination, it reestablished the racial divides were so entrenched at the time. The Azusa Street revival was birthed out of the holiness tradition began by John Wesley. The link between the Azusa Street Revival and Methodists is a focus on the Holy Spirit and focus on a personal experience with God.

In my study at Seminary the Azusa Street Revival seemed to be a lynch pin in my study of church history. You almost can’t understand Christianity in America or the Evangelical movement without knowing what happened there. The Holy Spirit moved, and He changed the movement of History and of Faith in our country. It seems that when He shows up in power, people of different backgrounds are drawn to the church to worship with people that are different from them. Without the Holy Spirit we tend to find comfort with those that talk like us, think like us, and look like us. I grew up in a church that held revival every 10 years or so. It was at a revival led by Wesley Putnam that I first heard my calling to ministry during the singing of Here I am Lord. I remember learning about the personal holiness that John Wesley discovers for himself when he had his heart “strangely warmed.” It occurred to me then and occurs to me now that experiencing God must be important. We can know all the right things, do all the right things but we will be no closer to understanding the character of God without meeting Him.

Revival is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary as a series of meetings for reawakening faith. I can tell by someone who has attended a revival a series of meetings is right. We went to church every night for a solid week, and we still had church on Sunday morning. This definition, however, does not speak to the beginnings of the revival tradition or the heart of the tradition. What does speak to the beginnings and the heart is not a Church Meeting, but a meeting with the Holy Spirit. When we meet God He does not leave us the same. I can attest to going to many church meetings and going home to the same problems, looking at the same me in the mirror, but I can’t same the same for the times that I met with God. Those times were ones that I could almost hear my baggage shifting around. I knew it was still in the trunk, but it would not be in the same order that I packed it. Other times, more significant times, my tunk would open spilling out baggage and though laundry would be out on the street, I was too free to collect it all again just to have it back, so I moved forward.

I am praying this month during all the business, that you find a moment to meet with the Holy Spirit. Find God and find your revival.

Learning From Littles

2022-03-24T07:48:00.005-07:00

Small eyes see more than we are often comfortable with. Especially when it comes to our own faults, internal logical inconsistencies, and insecurities. They learn slowly the truths they are permitted to speak and the ones that are not socially acceptable. They are not to tell the truths that hurt feelings. While many times this advice is warranted to learn how to be kind rather than cruel, the problem is our children will come across fragile people. Fragile people have many true statements that act like landmines ready for anyone intrepid enough to try and get to know them. The landmines are the times they are triggered, lash out, and attempt by inappropriate means to protect their fragile ego. We cannot avoid these people exactly and as such our children will not be able to either. They will meet them as their teachers, their friends, and their bosses. For folks that are typically non-confrontational we favor a filter that tries to avoid these unpleasant situations and numerous apologetic stances that attempt to “smooth” things over with the fragile person, rather than pointing out the obvious. The boundaries that fragile people set are unreasonable and untenable. Furthermore, they are boundaries that they themselves do not respect in others. Often those most prone to reject all feedback as criticism, are hypercritical of others. The same internal mechanism that leaves them open to their trigger is the self-talk driving their interaction with others in their life.

Jesus talks about this hypocrisy in Matthew 7:3-5, “3 Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” CSB. This joke slash life lesson has a lot of bearing for us today. Not only as its most often use which is to monitor our own hypocrisy, but also the example Jesus set for us in confronting people that set unhealthy boundaries. Beware of those that are happy to point out your short comings but refuse to give ear to your feelings about how their behavior impacts you. Jesus was not afraid to call a spade a spade. He was a prophet and as such, he spoke the truth of God to those whom others were afraid to. Leaders, Pharisees those who had implicit and explicit power. Jesus did not censor his truth or pull his punches, but he always approached with fairness, love, and wise judgment in mind.

One thing that I have learned from working with children for all these years is that they love to hear and speak the truth. While we do not often put a premium on that particular gift as they integrate into adulthood, we actually feel the same way and long to meet those that will stand up for us and will stand up to us. Sometimes I think we teach others to play with kit gloves around us for a sense of comfort and safety, when we really want someone to tell us what we are lacking and to not be afraid to point it out when they see it. Kids have generally not given up on speaking the truth or had the truth worked out of them. I think that sincere attitude is something we can learn from and adopt once again. While trying to explain to my stepmom my issue with a fragile member of our family, “I can’t embrace them, because when they shatter it cuts me too.” By understanding when it was, we started filter our truths and pull our punches we can learn to listen to truth in the raw again and be okay with the fact that it is uncomfortable. In short learning that the truth itself isn’t mean it is just the truth. If we can do this, I am hopeful we can learn to tell the truth again from our littles.

I Forgot

2022-03-08T14:53:00.002-08:00

I know everything that I can do to be healthy, but lately I forgot. I forgot how good it feels to live in the moment rather than next week. I forgot how healing it is to be a healer for someone else. I forgot the need that writing fulfills in me. I'm not struggling, just forgetful. I'm not more sad now, I just forgot my happiness at home. I'm not lonely I just forgot that I have friends. I'm not really lost, I just sometimes forget where I am. I have my purpose, but just briefly forgot who I am. My prayer life isn't dried up, I just forgot how good it is to talk to Him. I know everything I need to live well again, recently I just forgot.

Holy Discontent

2022-03-08T14:41:00.003-08:00

I am 18 years old, just graduated high school and I am in my hometown of Big Spring, Texas or as many locals affectionately and bitterly call it “the whirlpool.” Why you ask? Because no matter how far you get it sucks you back in. That desperate feeling that young people often feel in small towns is very real. It seems like you will never break out into the big world and when you do it’s only a matter of time before you get sucked back in. In example of this, I had a college friend that made it all the way to New York, NY and after a few years of working and striving settled back home. You can only really understand the feeling if you have had it. During this summer I had a serious decision to make. I could launch my adulthood and move to a college town somewhere(anywhere) and take the risk of being sucked back home with less options than I started with or cope with the feelings and get two years of free college. In retrospect, such an easy decision I mean two years of paid college. But my brain had a difficult time making the wise decision. But I did. I stayed in the status quo, stayed home and rode it out. During that time I had experiences that have formed me and propelled me into being the person I am today. Life did not stop because I stayed in my hometown while my friends were leaving. I made new friends and began my college experience at Howard College and it was rewarding in ways that I never would have guessed. Two years I spent in transition, but this would not be the last time I spent life in transition, not even close.

Holy Discontent is the spiritual feeling given to you when the status quo is no longer tenable. In other words the feeling you get when it is time to grow or go. What I mean by that, is your situation is not serving God’s plan or you are not currently not adequately serving God’s plan. So its time to change situations or it’s time to change yourself, or more accurately it is time to grow. For those of us that have lived a slightly more nomadic life style, it can begin to feel like the signal to leave yet again even though the feeling is not exclusive to leaving or moving. For those of us who have lived in a similar situation it can feel like simply another time to batten down the hatches and defend our specific way of life and with all luck the storm passes and we come out the other side untouched and unchanged. Neither of these are very good options for dealing with Holy Discontent.

Allow me to proffer a different suggestion, one that I would give myself to my younger self if that were possible and this one comes from Mr. Bil here at the church. “You cannot step in the same river twice.” The status quo is an illusion because change is constant and does not stop simply because we will it to do so. Life is constantly moving, changing, and evolving. If we do not move with it, then we miss it. I am not sure how my younger self would take the advice, but I hope he would enjoy the moment and seize the moment. Not one or the other. I believe there is not a “time” whenever our church was better or worse. Those are simply memories of times past. Our church is who we are now. Because of what came before, but we are currently who we are, also regardless of who we were before. We are at a grow and go stage in our church. It is time to grow our congregation spiritually and go into our community. Let us listen to the words of our Lord Jesus, “4 While it’s daytime, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming when no one can work.” John 9:4 CEB Some translations say while there is still light. Discontent is such a great opportunity for growth and change and Holy Discontent is even more so. But growing and going mean letting go of whatever status quo we were comfortable with. So that’s my challenge for the kids, parents, and mentors of our church, let’s grow and go folks.

Reconciliation

2021-10-05T09:15:00.002-07:00

My favorite chapter of the entire New Testament is John 21. I can almost feel the excitement of the Apostles to see Jesus again, almost smell the fish grilling at breakfast. Feel the weight of the 153 fish that Peter miraculously carried to shore and the tension on the beach when Jesus calls Peter to account. You see this story would have little meaning if we hadn't seen what happened before. If we didn't know and feel Peter's betrayal of Jesus, the crucifixion of Jesus, and his resurrection, this small vignette could have been called spiritual conversations or brunch on the beach or some other such nonsense. It is the relationship Peter had with Christ before betrayal, the pain and anguish in which Peter betrays his Lord that we begin to understand the significance or the weight of the events in this passage.

Peter was the most vocal about his loyalty. He was public to a fault and let know one doubt where he stood with Jesus. He was the confessor, the protector, and even Jesus called him the rock he would build His church on. But here we are with one of the final moments Jesus spends with his followers there is an elephant in the room. Peter denied his Lord, broke ranks when things looked most bleak, and not once but three times to three others. He had three chances and in turn had three failures. Peter stands in front of the man he failed and we can only speculate the extremes of his discomfort upon being in the presence of the man he had pledged undying loyalty to, but was unable to overcome his own frailty to come through for.

We all want to come through for the people we love and respect. When we fall short of that, well shame is common and typical. Shame can often send the human heart into despair, especially if there is not healing from the hurt caused and suffered. After there is a break in relationship there has to be a way back to good. Every relationship is different and the paths back to good and reconciliation are as different as the people involved in them. In John 21 we see Jesus reaching out to Peter and doing two things at once. Jesus is acknowledging the rift between them that Peter caused and Jesus had prophesied, and he provides Peter with a path back to reconciliation. Make no mistake, Peter's path back to good with Jesus was not some work he needed to do, to earn grace. Peter had Jesus' grace and forgiveness, but there was another step in the process that Peter needed. Peter needed forgiveness of course, but also needed to forgive himself. He needed to know that the relationship was restored.

Whenever a statement is repeated in scripture its importance is magnified. Think about the fact that scripture was meant to be read aloud and heard by the church, repeats or refrains typically serve the point of emphasizing a point in a public speech. In a narrative they can function the same way, but furthermore in scripture three repeats signify completion. Peter do you love me? Feed my Sheep. Three times, also the same amount of times that Peter denied Jesus. Whenever this conversation is over between Jesus and Peter it seems as if it will be done and finished. No beef left to grill, no gristle to chew, no unresolved passive aggressive issues. After this conversation Jesus will have moved on and Peter is expected to have moved on as well. After this conversation the relationship will move forward. Jesus restores Peter in a way that is final and not without challenge or expectation of Peter.

I should note that what Jesus requires of Peter is not more promises of fidelity, or assurance he will not fail again. Jesus does not need anything from Peter. He has chosen already to restore the relationship. His ask, his commandment is not for Peter to pay it back, to somehow right the wrong as we all know we can never really do in a relationship. Jesus compels Peter to pay it forward, to feed and take care of his people. Peter is not earning a relationship with Jesus, he is reconciling himself back to the relationship. It is what Peter needs, not what Jesus needs.

Some Churches and Christian traditions emphasize the transactional need for forgiveness as the point of reconciliation. The point of our relationship. They are right in asserting that Jesus is our only source for grace and forgiveness, but wrong about the point. The point is the reconciliation, the point is the relationship. We are not reconciled to check a box, we are reconciled to Jesus for the relationship and the bringing of God's Kingdom to the Earth. What if forgiveness is actually the easy part, and while we can offer nothing better than grace in our relationship with Jesus, His expectations to us actually extend to encouraging and loving other followers of Jesus. We can never pay it back, but much like Peter grace and mercy must be like a river flowing out to those whom Jesus would have us meet and encourage.

I hope that my words can always serve to encourage, and if they do not, then it will be time for me to find something else to do. We often look to the benefits of our choices and freeze up when it is less clear that there are benefits to the choices we make. Taking care of the people of God is an easy one to make, because the more I can be of service to others, the more accepting I am of God's grace to me and the healthier our relationship is. I, like Peter, need more than forgiveness to move forward in my relationship with Jesus. Like Peter I need the path back to good. We all do.

The Outsider

2021-08-24T10:17:00.002-07:00

Have you thought about your shorthand? When we spend a lot of time with the people we choose and love, we have a short hand with how we interact with one another. It is the privilege and the consequence of time spent with the same people. We know the same jokes, the same stories, and we use the same jargon(shorthand). In my house we know that dinner is made and eaten at the same time every night regardless of who cooks it, even though dad is sometimes a bit later than mom. About once a week Molly and I decide to take a night to break from cooking a meal to eat down leftovers, or nuke something for dinner. This one or two nights a week are what we call "fend for yourselves night". I don't remember exactly when we labeled leftovers night this, because we would just say we were eating leftovers growing up and didn't label that night anything. We don't have take out nights at our house even though rarely we will do take-out. We don't label an evening take-out night, but we always have a "fend for yourselves night" which has been chiseled down to FFYN on our calendar. If you don't live with us you might think we spar for our food Hunger Games style that night, or forage for food outside like in Cast Away. Neither of those is true, so it may not be the most accurate descriptor for what we will do on a Friday night, but its what WE call it. I have been thinking this morning on the shorthand we use at the church. I have heard it most commonly called Christianese. We have phrases and words we use that if you spend your whole life in the church are at least recognizable, but if you are new might as well be in a different language.

How long will a person sit in on a conversation that is confusing or at least one that they othered by or on the outside of? If you ponder that think about how long you would watch a british movie with heavy accents. What if we took away the subtitles? What if we added a different language to the mix. How many of us would be truly captivated by a foreign film with no subtitles or action? I think that about 90% of any would audience would be lost pretty much immediately. What if watching that film was the only way to Jesus? What if church, felt more like traveling abroad than it did coming home. I've been thinking about the brave souls that enter through our doors that encounter a tribe that are friendly, but not always adept at communicating their customs. Why Sunday. and why Sunday School. How come we sit silently through the first organ song but leave during the last one? Why do we pass the plate. How much do we give, if we don't give, is that okay? Why do we pray different prayers and recite the same one at the end of the service. Why is everyone 15 minutes late to all events? Why does everyone talk about hearing from God, and when do I get my Walkie Talkie? If the learning curve is steep, is it really conducive to a welcoming environment. If we all know how Phyllis or Dave is, then how are our new folks ever going to meet folks on their own terms and make their own relationships in our Church Family?

Honestly, there are more questions than answers in this article. But I would like to propose a thought experiment to y'all. It is the alien visits thought experiment. If an alien were to visit our church, what would he see? If he didn't understand our language or customs what conclusions could he draw from being inside the church physically, but as far outside its relatable experiences as possible? Does it see an equitable environment, or a hierarchy? Will it encounter a happy people, or a bored people? What do you think it will think of communion? Every first Sunday they have tiny snacks. Will they see worship, or a quiet concert? Will the alien see a family of people, a loose confederation of people, or a social club? I am sure the alien would have more to teach us about our culture from the outside than we can really learn from the inside. The messages we send are more than in our language and verbal shorthand, we also have behavioral shorthand, like when to stand or sit. When its okay to joke, or when its time to be serious. Or when its okay to form a second line at pot luck Sundays or when only one line is appropriate. I always personally believe in two lines, because I like food and dislike barriers to food, not unlike long lines.

So this month, take some time after the alien thought experiment to consider the outsider. The out of towner, the atheist, the outcast, and think about the ways you keep the trough of grace open or closed to them. In what ways do you have to give up your spot to open up room for others to join and drink? Think about what it takes to feel a part of our family and who helps them find their place. Are you that person? If so, who might they face, that would be a barrier to their belonging. How do we deal with that? How do we deal with them if they bring in bad habits or bad behavior, if their fit with us isn't quite so easy? I don't have all the answers for our church in this, but would simply like you the church to consider this month, the outsider.

Happy Fishing

2021-07-28T08:57:00.002-07:00

So much about this Summer has been busy, hectic, and crazy fun. Those that were involved with our Summer Youth and Kids activities were incredibly blessed in their efforts and I have seen relationships deepen and change quickly under the compressed circumstances of mission trip and camp. In each trip we gathered, worshiped together, and told each other the truth and heard the truth from each other. Whether that was from scripture or from our encouragements of one another throughout each trip. Every kid and adult that joined us this Summer, whether they intended to or not became part of our Youth and Kids family here at United Methodist Church Karnes City. There was not a person too weird or "unpopular" to gather with us, and join us. Our kids have become old pros at ministering an important part of the Gospel which is that "You Belong Here."

If a person cannot see themselves as part of the group, or see past a disingenuous invitation, or get past the judgment or coldness of a crowd, then they typically don't persist to find where they belong, or stay to here the Gospel or feel the love of Christ. I am happy to report that our kids and adults this Summer have taken kids that weren't always part of our group and showed them exactly where they fit in. Our Board Chair Cassie said it best when she said last Sunday, "the kids are like that because it is part of our DNA as a church." After countless hours and miles I have spent this Summer, I cannot say I disagree.

Since my Walk to Emmaus last April I often wear a fishing tackle bracelet on my left hand to remind myself of the first and most important part of my job here at UMC KC, and it is not even on my job description and that is; to be a fisher of people. A church member gave me that bracelet and our wonderful church gives me the opportunity to fish for people every day here at the church, through our food pantry. No one comes through the building without a smile from Elena our communications director, a greeting from me or our pastor, and a great deal of the time a conversation with me or Pastor Danielle. And as my friend Tom said yesterday, the worst day fishing beats the best day at work.

Fisherman that are 3rd and 4th generation are taught that seasons, location, and weather all play a factor in catching fish. We are in August. School is starting. People are coming back from travel, rhythms are being restored. With all of that we will inevitably have a good season of opportunities to fish for people. It is time for us to ready ourselves as a church to meet new people, connect with new friends, and show them where they belong in our church. There will be some cultivated situations in order to practice this coming up this month. On the 22nd of August all of our church teams including my favorites(Children and Youth Teams) will be on display after Church to give everyone a chance to pull in their side of the net, and join us on our fishing trip for people this fall. I will also be giving a class on Inter Generational Engagement on August 29th the whole church will be invited for this class and a lunch will be served beforehand. My hope is that it will be an exciting way to help us to relate to others outside of our peer groups. This would be a great time to partner with someone a little different and have new conversations and build new skills while strengthening old ones.

Get ready for fishing season folks. There's plenty of room in the boat, and regardless of your skill with people, we guarantee if you decide to and set your mind to it, that you'll catch a few for the Kingdom of God. See y'all out there.

Marshall

Grace for the Sheep, in the Time of Wolves

2021-07-22T08:07:00.004-07:00

I've been listening to the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast by Christianity Today. It is the rise and fall of not only a significant church in our culture, but also the rise and fall of a genuinely polarizing figure, Mark Driscoll. I am amazed to hear some of the things said and written in 2014 through my 2021 head phones. I am remembering how I felt back then and how differently I feel now. I can see how his tough male bravado mixed with a promise of authentic Christianity rang strongly in the ears of his flock. If I had been older, in a different spot in life, I could see myself being swept up in something like that. I will not delude myself into thinking, that I would somehow be stronger than such a strong personality. Stonger than the accusing voice in the room that will not be denied, stronger than the chorus of yeses and amens. I believe a different set of circumstances could have led me to different places that seem somewhat unthinkable as I couch them in my comfy office.

In this article I do not want to talk about judgement or God's sovereignty, both of which cannot be denied in spiritual abuse situations. I would like to muse and think on God's grace for those caught up in the tide and whether our grace reflects that or not. A mentor of mine put narcissists in a very simple category from me to understand, they are people that need to be the heroes of everyone's' story and if they will not be the hero, then they will settle on being the victim. Since learning about that I have been witness to a narcissist, and watched them operate on a relational level, and watched the layer fall off until they resort to the hero or victim. I cannot say as to whether I handled the situation correctly or not, but I know that in the face of such a simple and dual personality, I did not really know how to proceed on a number of fronts. My go to was always to appeal to a persons better nature, being patient to peel back the layers until we could find them and it shocked me to encounter nothing beneath the hero, victim narrative so brash in its existence, that it Gaslighted in order to breath and see the light of day.

At the time I was fortunate to have many in power and responsibility that had perspective, enough to ask me to deal with it, but to not attribute my success or failure based on the narcissists results. There was life before and after the narcissist and this was mostly due to their wisdom in not putting them in charge of me. If they had been, however I am not sure exactly how the story would have gone, but after that experience, I know how it would go now. Often times we hear about the followers of dangerous leaders and dangerous ideas/theologies and think quite self importantly that this could never happen to me.I would never fall for that, or of course the second they did that to me I would be out, but there is a problem with this idea. We are on the whole followers. We are built for followship, not leadership. Leadership is a calling and for some is a predisposition, but we function best under the direct influence of another. The bible constantly refers to us, compares us to, and relates to us, as sheep. I remember growing up with my mom who subscribed to a few conspiracy sites and the blasting critique of those not in on the conspiracy was that they were sheep. Even though those reading the influence of one or two men, suddenly had contempt for those who were unaware of or indifferent to that website or radio show.

Rare is the person who is actually self directed. More common is a person who is the sum of their influences and interactions. Common is the person who feels self directed, blissfully unaware or blind to their crucible. Their is a moment that post cult ministers describe when a persons brain reboots and begins to think for itself again. That moment is not enlightenment, it is usually post enlightenment when the world was simpler couched in terms set by the strong man, by the narcissist. The New Testament constantly teaches on the danger of false teachers, false prophets, and false teaching. Jesus warned his followers about the leaven of the pharisees which made them wholly dependent on their teachers rather than on God. The pharisees believed that they were the only ones who knew enough to interpret the Law unknowable by the sinners they stooped to teach and preach to. Many times Jesus simple acknowledged that the people he encountered knew what they were supposed to do after His encounter with them, how else would He be audacious enough to say to them, go and sin no more. Jesus had a high, but also realistic view of people, certainly higher than many false teachers that seek to become important to the people that they minister to, rather than seeking to gather God's flock and make Jesus important to them.

We are hardwired to follow. Let us follow Jesus. If we go down the wrong path and choose the wrong people, let us go back to God and receive His grace. As followers of Jesus let us be sharply aware of our influences, but be ready to accept those stolen by the enemy, lured out of the pen with the same grace given to us, when we followed the world out in the wild. And as always move forward with the attitude that was suggested by my former boss, "But for the Grace of God, go I."

Gone

2021-07-08T12:30:00.004-07:00

I am about to embark on a five day youth camp after a quick turn around from taking the kids on a 9 day mission trip. The calendar is always kinder when we are a few months out, but is sterner the closer we get to time. That may be due to my general inexperience with life or that I am still young enough to overestimate myself on a regular basis. OR it may be general pride that says I can handle that. But as I move forward I am finding out something different. When I was young and single being gone was an adventure. The only one there to miss you is your apartment and the road was always calling me. Now I feel the pull of what happens when I am gone.

It is an interesting feeling being missed, but it is a whole other level when it is your wife and child missing you. You don't feel the miles, but you really feel the days. Leaving is tough, but coming back is awesome! Just thinking about it reminds me of the beginning of the movie Love Actually. It begins at an airport in the reception area with a voice over discussing the idea of love while watching its manifesting presence in several heartfelt reunions. This is something I have had many opportunities to watch while waiting for students to disembark from their return flights from visits home. They are not always super dramatic, but the smiles and hugs are genuine. It really is a privilege to witness those moments in person.

I grew up with two homes. I grew used to the idea of being gone and really only hated one part of the experience and that was saying goodbye especially when there were tears, mostly my tears. I felt small rips from my heart every time I was left or had to leave. Life was going to be different for a while at my mom's or dad's and no amount of conversation was able to help me skip that adjustment. Sometimes I noticed that there would be more fights and hurt feelings before a goodbye, the hearts small effort to ease the sting of absence. Nothing ever really does heal the sting of absence, especially when the person doesn't even have to leave the room to be absent. I believe that our need for positive presence is a key part of how God made us. I believe that this is why God makes a point to constantly remind us of his presence, even and maybe especially when we are "gone."

John 15:5 talks about an abiding presence between Us and Jesus. This abiding is shown through the metaphor of vines and branches. The branches do not survive on their own, apart, or separate from the vine. The branches need connection, the vine wants connection and nothing quite facilitates connection like positive presence. Think about this for a moment. There is such a thing as negative presence and negative absence, but in terms of pouring into a relationship positive absence is not really a part of the deal. There may come a time where absence in needed to change negative presence to positive presence, but the time spent being gone is not a deposit into relationships, it is time spent that is not returned. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Paul ends his letter with a general look at God and Christ's desire for our relationship with Him, "¹⁶Rejoice always. ¹⁷Pray continually. ¹⁸Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (CEB) Pray continually, not take a break, go fishing, take a trial separation. He is willing to go all in with us, all He needs is for us to go all in for Him.

Are you gone? When did you go? Did you stay in church and retreat in your heart? God is waiting in the terminal, all you have to do is get off the plane and meet him. God didn't leave, its just that when you walk away, its easy to forget that the benefits of the relationship do not follow you. Just like you don't get to just be married after the divorce is finalized and moving back in is awkward. Many of us are reading bible passages wondering why we don't exhibit the fruit of a relationship we just don't have with God. Some things only come with the abiding and lots of prayer. What better time to start than today, just turn around. He will be immeasurably happy to have you again.

Can We Build a Better Mousetrap?

2021-07-01T08:38:00.002-07:00

How does the work of the Lord get done? Is it through tireless effort or through the Spirit Himself? I find myself working tirelessly to make things happen, I worry quite a bit, and tend to be endlessly caught up in the idea that there is a better mousetrap so to speak. That is not the best metaphor for ministry, but maybe it is telling that it is the one that comes to mind when I think about striving. The truth about Mouse traps whether they are in a family board game, a movie, or in real life the most interesting part of a mouse trap is its faulty nature. Even at its best engineering there a myriad of ways that a mouse trap can fail, but only one way it can work. So the planning, engineering, and building phases are used not to better the outcome(at its best it alwasy ends with a trapped mouse), but to limit the amount of failures it will encounter.

A great amount of literature, air time, and conferences are dedicated to the desire to avoid failure. We have accepted that God simply does not want us to fail, and if we do then it must be due to our own moral, character, or growth failings and we must find a way to mitigate those as much as possible. It seems odd that we would assume God's desire for our success, when God drew out and pursued so many failures in the scriptures. Some whose failure waited after their "main story" or some that never stopped failing along the way. Jacob is and continues to be one of my favorite patriarchs. It is not because of his success as a Shepherd, or a dad. It is because of his losses, his moral failures, and his idiotic decisions. He tricks, flees, gets tricked, tricks, and flees again. He is not brave when it really counts and is stubborn when yielding is the wisest course. He is a man that preferred to walk a new path while keeping his old ways in pocket. This is the man that sired twelve tribes, truly began the small nation, and became the namesake for his people Israel. Jacob is a failure and if you asked him, after he charmed your socks off he would most likely admit to as much. Yet today we still read of his struggling relationship to Yahweh.

So let's circle back to the first question. How does the work of the Lord get done? Can we do it without Him and if not then are we doing it at all? In John 15:5, Jesus paints a picture of our corporate structure so to speak of the kingdom and it looks like this, "I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me." If we were to draw the hierarchy it would be Father at the Top along with Jesus and the Holy Spirit with every member of the church horizontal with their spoke missing and the trinity's spokes connecting to all of us and us to each other. We serve a God who brings the harvest, we are simply asked to allow Him to work on that and then join us in the harvesting process.

So in all of this is there actually room for failure in a real sense? Yes of course, but not in the sense that companies and organizations fail, in the sense that we fail God's expectations of us, not in our results. We are held accountable for obedience and relationship, not the outcome of our ministries. God's work is done on earth as it is in heaven and we get to be involved in the process or impede the process, but we cannot build a better mousetrap. We need only build it again and again and be faithful when there is failure and faithful when there is success. God will guide us in the process. God will use our successes and failures to prune us back and make us fruitful and tend to us and make us faithful. He makes us fruitful, not us or our habits. But we are called to participate in that process and certainly not to coach ourselves. We are called not to fail Him, not to win the world.

There is no bench in heaven, no sidelines to watch, so get out there and play.

Summer in Kairos

2021-05-24T15:12:00.006-07:00

Summer is now here. By the grace of God South Texas had a true spring in every sense of the word and as things are heating up and school is ending, we enter a time for this part of the country that approximates hiatus. We take a break from certain events and busy times to hopefully plan a vacation and rest in this season. For a youth worker it is tempting to resist rest in this season, because this brief respite from typical onslaught of school activities give ample opportunities to connect and support young people in ways not available to us Youth Workers during the school year. As I learned last year during lockdown those opportunities for mission trips and camps are not guaranteed. Making the most of those special moments is quite a large part of the job. I do not remember every youth group meeting I had as a young man, nor do I remember everything that I learned. I have several good impressions from those times, but camp changed me, mission trips changed me.

I started out high school as many do without a clue, little confidence, and an ambition to be better than I was in Junior High. I had many moments of shame and humiliation that swore to myself, I would never repeat in high school. I started a new school in a new town where not a single soul really knew me. I got the coolest band T-Shirt I owned (Pantera) and sought to label myself a metal head and a cool musician. At home I began to settle into my new family system and got used to the idea of being a big brother full time and spending as much time with my dad that I possibly could. Walking down the hallway before the first bell rang a Senior girl walked up to me, ask who I was, and complemented my T-Shirt. I remember nothing else except that I was finally going to be noticed the right way this time. That first year contained a lot of firsts for me. I joined my church. I had a girlfriend or two. Went to my first homecoming and truly felt for the first time since 2nd grade that I was a part of something, and youth factored into that in a huge way. We had a small group about 6-7 at our strongest and there were times where I went to bible study, youth group, and Sunday School solo. We went through a lot together and by the time I graduated, we had five you pastors come and go so we (the teenagers) kept the youth together and assured the success of our group. We did not have a consistent year to year calendar, and I will admit that I only went to one lock-in, one ski trip, four mission trips, one retreat and two church camps my entire career as a high school youth.

The number is easy to come by because, those opportunities during the summer were not always available to me as I traveled to and from my dad’s to my mom’s for the summer and inconsistent youth leadership poked a lot of holes in those opportunities for me, but I took everyone available and participated every chance I got. Because of this I share stories with many dear friends during each trip and slowly over time I came by my identity in Christ, which while I occasionally played the poser rock star role when given on opportunity, I found an incredible thirst for God's truth, and that I could and desperately wanted to help others. Church Camp gave me a sounding board to draw out my call to ministry. Missions drew out my heart for many kinds of people. Lock-In, well honestly, I don't remember much from that one. A church retreat gave me an opportunity to get closer to my brother and we shared a room for many years. Missions and camps represent to me an incredibly special time which is called Kairos in scripture. Chronos is the Greek word for time on our watch and calendar, but Kairos are these moments, holy moments that God culminates his purposes, stretches the confines of a week, or a weekend, or a day, and presents us with grace to change us, love to heal us, and yet another invitation into his kingdom. While the saying goes time is money, it is true that our Chronos is finite and a currency for exchange. Kairos is priceless. It is worth the hours of teaching, praying, preparing silly games, and knowing that much of all that will be forgotten, but Kairos will not be forgotten and the grace that God imparts to young people through us and sometimes despite us never comes back empty.

So here comes the ask. I ask our congregation to support our VBS, missions and camps with a thick blanket of prayer. I ask that you prayer for each child you know by name that are attending are summer even prayer for those you are unsure about, because staying behind is tough. Pray for our adults stretching themselves in ways they did not expect. Pray for your Director of Discipleship so that he can get through the planning phase and allow God to orchestrate what I cannot. I am excited and nervous for the summer. I spend a little time every time I remind students to sign up, wondering if they will take this opportunity or let it go by. I can't see at this moment how everything will come together at this moment I'm operating on faith. I am sure of one thing, however. God does not work for me and my schedule. I work for Him. Sometimes that means he disrupts the meeting or takes it to a place you were not expecting. Sometimes that means he works best where I falter, in that space between plans, intentions, my will, and his Sovereignty over it all. One day Chronos will mean nothing to us, and Kairos will be all that is left. So, as we go into this Summer Season, I will be praying that you do not plan your schedule to preclude the spontaneous moments of grace God has in store for you. That you will live this Summer when you can, above the calendar, away from the phone and in Kairos, God's special time.

Focus

2021-05-04T14:26:00.004-07:00

What happens when we lose our focus? Do we really lose anything at first? It seems to me that losing your focus is deceptive, as we start to accept losses as a matter of course and develop a tolerance for failure and often even a fondness for failure. It feels good to loosen our belts, fall off the wagon, watch that TV show instead of reading a bit more to expand our minds and souls. I have always found it easier to stay focused at the start of the diet, the commitment, the ride, but as human beings our eyes wander and our brains wonder, did I really need to do this, can't I just... you can fill in the blanks.

Scripture uses the comparison of sheep to people most often because the parallels are undeniable. We are easily led until we get lost. We cannot be alone safely, and are prone to predators. I had heard recently that sheep have extremely large peripheral vision to the tune of 270 and 320 degrees, and ours is about 155 degrees. This is great for sheep when the aim is to alert the herd about potential predators, but not so great when it comes to staying successfully in the flock. They have great vision but terrible focus. They will see a juicy patch of grass just a few steps away, and then find another, and then another. Before they realize it they have strayed far from the safety of their flock and shepherd, only to find themselves alone and not sure what to do next except to wait for someone to find them. Sometimes we have great intentions and a wonderful view for the future, but are prone to lose our focus.

I recently lost my focus. Things that belonged on the periphery became the center of my vision, and some of the important things like study, prayer, and spiritual started to fall by the wayside. I recently spoke with a group of men that admitted to the group that they tend to lose their way when things are working. They get healthy so they stop doing the things that got them healthy. I do this at times, but I have also found that the reverse is true. When things are difficult and there are good coping skills to deal with them I will stop doing those things. I feel lonely but I say no to hanging out with friends. I get stressed so I stop talking and exercising. I feel sad, so I retreat and stop talking with the people that make me feel better. One of the comments my mentor used to make about the plans we would make for kids was a sarcastic, "well that worked great, so let's never do it again." This attitude of doing one good thing and then dropping it is a classic loss of focus, and we do this time and time again. When we fall by the wayside and lose critical focus we need a friend to surgically remove head from rear end.

In leadership, there may be a lack of people willing or able to perform said surgery, so what happens then? The truth about focus is that the people that need us or are in relationship with us have our attention of not. Without having our attention we will not make the changes we need to make or the ones they so desperately need us to make. Sometimes I think that a better depiction of love for our purposes is not the dying ultimately for that person, but the little deaths it takes to make a relationship work. Jesus talked about denial of self and the thousand little deaths we must accept in order to maintain our relationship with God. This was the carrying of the cross commanded by Jesus in Luke 9:23, "Then he said to them all, 'If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.'" CSB Personally I have always struggled with this verse. I have read many ways to water the meaning down all the way to hyperbole. But I think we are meant to struggle with it, and read it over and over praying for the ability live with that sort of abandon, that sort of singular focus. God either has our attention or he does not. Your spouse either has your attention or they do not. Your kids either have your attention or they do not. George MacDonald, once wrote and I am paraphrasing poorly here, there are few things more difficult than to wake the human soul. Do not despair at this, for we follow a God that specializes in life. Creating life, redeeming life, and sparking life in the dead. You remember what Jesus said to Lazarus after he told his siblings he is only asleep? He called his name and shouted for him to "Come Out!"

Lord help me learn where I have lost focus, where I have fallen asleep. Get my attention and help me be the man you called me to be.

To the Graduates...

2021-04-27T15:34:00.001-07:00

Graduates you are about to embark on a new chapter of your life. You will not feel any different than you do today, but you will have the world open itself up to you in ways you don’t even know yet. Even if you do not change addresses or immediately pack your bags ahead of graduation, people will begin to place you in a different category in their expectations of you, and for that you have absolutely no control. That is the amazing and terrifying fact of growing up. And by growing up you are about to realize a few things as you make your way in this world.

That every decision, good and bad comes with a cost. That relationships grow and shrink with the time and effort that we put into them. That being overwhelmed does not stop the world from turning and time marches on regardless of our readiness to meet its demands. With any luck you will find friendship and enmity, love and heartbreak, success and failure, people that love you no matter what, and people that never seem to be impressed by you no matter how well you do. These are not a mix of good and bad things, but a variety of experiences that you meet when you live you own authentic life. Remember as you measure the expectations of others against your own expectations of you, that no one else must or gets to live your life but you.

So, live your life unapologetically, but leave room for confession when you make the wrong call. Live your life whole but leave room for moments to be broken before your God. Live your life joyfully with joyful people but make time to carry others burdens so that you can let others help you carry your own. Life your life boldly moving forward, with room to be curious about different paths, you never know if they could be the best and most interesting detour you can make. Live your life dedicated to the important priorities that you choose but leave some room for God to work in you and through you. Make as many friends as you can, if someone tells you they have enough friends they are lying. Live your life confidently but leave room to draw on the advice and critique of those that know better. Work on being in rooms where you find yourself to be the least qualified to be there and strive to earn your seat at the table by your unique contributions rather than assimilating. The progress is slower but more lasting that way and being you will allow for much more happiness. Remember that laughter and fun is the best way to alleviate anxiety. If you stop laughing, its time to find out why. There is nothing that you cannot handle, only situations you have not handled yet. You may not know the way out, but if you keep looking up and doing the next right thing, you will soon find yourself somewhere else than you previously were.

Above all else, the best advise I can give you is the listen. Listen to others, it is amazing what people will do for you when they feel heard. Listen to your friends, so many times we have a conception of the people close to us and when we think we know them, we miss it when they grow or have new interesting ideas. Listen to your parents/grandparents/mentors, you have the right to believe with all your heart that they are wrong, but listening is free; divorces, jailtimes, evictions, and tickets are not. If your parents/grandparents/mentors were able to make it through or past some of those things, they may still make mistakes but they know something about something. Learn to listen to God. His voice is hard to hear sometimes, but it is so important. You have a direct line to the creator and sustainer of everything, and a friend in Jesus that gave you the inside pass to His throne room, you also have the Holy Spirit to bring his word to you. I will say the understatement of the year here, it might be beneficial to take advantage of that. If you talk less and listen more, people will take notice. New and interesting people will be drawn to you and they all need to hear about Jesus, whether its in a college dorm, a cattle ranch, a truck stop, or the oil field they will need what you have, which is that close and personal relationship with Jesus. Remember that while life and experience are great teachers, that the Holy Spirit of God is the best teacher. He is your helper, and if you don’t know Him it is time to listen. I would like to defer and point you to the wisest teacher and what he had to say about life in Him in John 15:1-8.

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vineyard keeper. ²He removes any of my branches that don’t produce fruit, and he trims any branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit. ³You are already trimmed because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴Remain in me, and I will remain in you. A branch can’t produce fruit by itself but must remain in the vine. Likewise, you can’t produce fruit unless you remain in me. ⁵I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, then you will produce much fruit. Without me, you can’t do anything. ⁶If you don’t remain in me, you will be like a branch that is thrown out and dries up. Those branches are gathered up, thrown into a fire, and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. ⁸My Father is glorified when you produce much fruit and in this way prove that you are my disciples.” CEB

Anxiety and Happiness

2021-03-25T12:42:00.005-07:00

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." Fred Rogers

Sometimes it is difficult to attribute our struggles to our heroes. Personally, I don't think of Fred Rogers losing patience experiencing anxiety, anger, or even just getting burnt out. When you read up on Fred he has so many good coping strategies and was beloved by so many, that I struggle to see that he ever struggled, but he must have. He didn't take it out of those that he served and served with, but running a non-profit public broadcast show during a recession, without congressional support, and with the eyes of the world on you does not seem like a recipe for an easy-breezy no stress life. It seems again and again that Fred Rodgers was seen by the world by his orientation towards caring and serving others.

There are several problems with my view of Fred Rodgers. I didn't know him, I simply know of his accomplishments. I have been served a portrait of the man, rather than the actual living breathing one. The other is that even past all of the things I don't know, I will never be Fred Rodgers, I can only be me. The biggest problem hiding within all of these problems is why being me is not enough. I can only imagine what Fred Rodgers would say about that.The naked truth of chasing an idol or imaginary hero character is the fiery dart of the enemy that says, "I am not enough." I worked with a young man recently that was facing a difficult task. Something that he had never done before and working with him, I could almost see the thought pass into his eyes. Seeing that my heart seized up and I felt that. I know that feeling so well. It is the one that tends to well up in me when things get to be big. Good big or bad big, it actually doesn't matter. The bad big says I won't be enough to fix that problem. The good big moments say I am not enough to keep this up. I never stop acknowledging these thoughts, but I take another approach to dealing with them.

Anxiety can be a pushing force to move forward, but most of the time it is a hamster wheel, to run in the background. No one knows exactly how long you have been working, but as long as you move, then you won't be caught off guard, but that is just the anxiety talking. With this mindset, everything can be great and you carry the same level of stress as you do when things are in emergency mode, making balance not only a dream, but simply mythical in nature. Everyone talks about balance, but I have never seen it. Getting through anxiety, is not the same as getting past it. It is accepting the reality of what sets that off with you and knowing that it is an unreliable narrator of current events. Mostly because it asks inappropriate questions to every situation. I had a theater director once that was a genius in his field, but classically bad at Self Care, and very emotionally abusive to his closer relationships. He told me something that sounded profound at the time, but only because it echoed in the chambers of my then haunted heart. He told me that you should never trust happiness. What he didn't say is that really; he couldn't trust happiness. I knew that I couldn't at the time, and this wisdom comes from the anxious hurting heart. It was not until years had gone by, therapy, my wife and a constant relationship to Jesus changed that view for me. I simply had to accept the good.

As my mentor Heath always said, "the best part of being happy is, being happy." There is not an ulterior motive for our happiness. We don't have to make excuses for being happy. If someone questions what makes you happy and it simply does not effect them, then it may be time to ask them what they are trying to accomplish. It reminds me of a popular anthem from my teenage years, Linkin Park's Numb. "I wanna be more like me and be less like you!" Those people may be passing down their own anxieties that they chose not to work through and as a result imprint others, or see others through that anxious lens. Maybe its not conscious, but it is always harmful.

One of the mantras that I said over and over again as I quit smoking cigarettes in college, was I can have a good day without a smoke. For those with anxiety, you can have a good day off the hamster wheel in your head. You can rest knowing that when the times comes, you will have the ability to pull through. If you decide not to, then you have a another chance to come through for others. So when it comes to your thoughts, Paul urges us to take every thought captive to obey Christ. So take those anxious thoughts, name them for what they are, and bend them to Christ. Pull through for yourself, so that you, not someone else, can pull through for others.

Death and Life

2021-03-11T20:34:00.003-08:00

Only Jesus can take a dead thing and make it alive.

Only the Living God can take a dead thing and make it alive.

Stop expecting people or things without that power to make you feel alive.

Elevation

2021-03-02T07:58:00.006-08:00

Elevation is about perspective. There is a reason that we measure it from Sea Level rather than some other arbitrary point in the Earth. There is a really great article from National Geographic on Sea Level, why we use it even though it is not actually the exact same throughout the globe, I've provided the link below. I have lived just a couple hundred feet above sea level, and 4800 ft above sea level, the cooking is different, the baking is different, and it is a whole lot easier to dehydrate at 4800 ft. Other than that it is nigh impossible to tell where you are at elevation wise in the "flat places." Even at 4800 ft the flat places are still flat.
Unless you can see to the ocean somehow, your perspective will always need to adjust based on what you are told. This weekend I am taking a group of teenagers accustomed to living in South Texas where it is mostly flat and sloping to the ocean. We are going to be talking about elevation sickness before the trip, on the trip and throughout the trip. Our drive up will have ups and downs so the idea that we are traveling thousands of miles up from the ocean will be imperceptible to those riding in the van. We will have to reinforce the concept over and over again, because without that, the decisions they make in the mean time can have disastrous consequences. Drinking too many sodas, not drinking enough water. Eating too much and again not drinking enough water. Also constant sipping rather chugging water is helpful for hydration and the easing of symptoms. If you wait until the symptoms hit before you do anything, the words too little too late take on a new meaning for you as nausea and cramps are not altogether uncommon.
I will bet you are wondering why I am writing about elevation apart from the preparation to taking up a group of people mostly unaccustomed to the challenges. In the Christian faith, we talk a lot about the Mountain top and the Valley. This is an extension of biblical metaphors about the journey of faith. We see the valley as the in-between times where life is in a slump, and the Mountaintop as great spiritual moments that we hit, experience, or achieve along the way. And in between the two is a whole lot of climbing. As humans we need both the metaphorical mountain tops and valleys. The valleys sustain us to make the climbs and the mountain tops give us resolution to our perseverance and effort. But how do you really know apart from the "feeling" whether you are climbing or coming down off of the Mountain. What if the journey is imperceptible? What if the climbing happens in the "flat places?" Even though God has been trying to get you to prepare for the altitude change, all the while you have been trying to find a way to survive in the valley. How would you know if you were not told?
God is our Sherpa on this expedition. He is the boss in the preparation, and the expedition, and when we try to gauge where we are at without the proper information and the right guidance, then we can make decisions that are valley appropriate, when we are reaching a summit. Can you imagine? Dumping water to refill it when there is no where to do so. Or resting at a time where you need to push through and getting stuck. Or pushing through when a short rest would give you more gas to finish the climb. Or how awful it would be to get turned around on the way down and start the climb up again.
Many of us try to stay at a summit, but the problem with that, is that that mountain tops aren't there to sustain your soul, they are there to grow it. They are not a status to achieve they are moments we share with God to realize with God, I am enough. With God, I've got what it takes. If we don't realize these moments or try to stay in them, we can surely miss the point. Miss the growth. And maybe you thought you had years to go in the valley and God is telling you to start because you are at the mountain now. The trip wasn't thrilling, but the climb will be when you listen and find out you are at the mountain now.
The kid this past week walked through valleys and mountains spiritually. They conquered fears, faced challenges and walked through it. They didn't need someone to tell them it was difficult when they were struggling. They needed someone by their side to assist when needed and to push them to greater things when needed. They needed someone to tell them the discomfort was real but temporary, they needed someone to tell them they would get better and to show them that this was true. They needed guides that had been to the mountain and through the valley and knew the appropriate choices for both. And thanks to my wonderful volunteers during the trip they got both. As parents mentors, coaches, this is our imperative, to guide the little travelers on their way to the mountains and through the valleys.

https://www.nationalgeographic.org/encyclopedia/sea-level/

Water in the Desert

2021-02-25T14:16:00.001-08:00

Its starting again. The long process toward meaningful change. What do you do if you know how long the journey is, and you are already tired. Almost like you are crossing the desert and after the car starts you watch the needle drop to E. At that point its not if you will stop and get stuck, but when you will stop and get stuck. The desert seems to stretch out forever and shimmer on the horizon. You check your canteen and find that its not empty, but it is no where near full. The only way forward, to make it is across, is to drive through and when that ceases to be possible, to hike through. Do you dare shift gears and depress the gas pedal as your truck shutters forward?

Faith seems so elusive sometimes. It is easy to tout faith when you've got air-conditioning and know when the next stop is for Gas. But thankfully faith is not measured when we have enough, when we are strong enough, smart enough, nice enough, or even put together. It is measured by the times we move forward without a clear path, a guaranteed destination, or an assurance beyond a still small voice that we will find it. We will find water in the desert. As you drive West the landscape changes and even the air clears. Endless green starts to patch and yellow to brown and dust. Leaves cease to rustle and tumble weeds takes their place. In literature and cinema the West has been romanticized and mythologized into being the formative place. The place where the wild and young chase their dreams and the cowboys chase the wind. It is rarely the destination that forms us, but more often the journey.

There is a part of the journey that I find interesting is the Ordeal. A moment in a journey when the hero is at the brink of failure. A moment when all seems lost. When you watch or read fiction it is rife with the heroic story for that novel, comic book, movie, or show. Almost every story has this moment. I have watched countless people reach this moment and turn around. Just as they were about to beat their greatest test and learn something exceptional about themselves. More and more commonly today, people reach the point of greatest difficulty and start looking at the exit sign, a route out, or simply some sort of escape. I've felt it, I've escaped, and regret doesn't even begin to describe how it feels to have an opportunity to come through and instead to fall through. To be more and at the last moment choose to be less.

It may not seem like it, but past the shimmering desert horizon there's water. You may not see it, or have seen it. In the moments when thirst becomes all you think about, it may be standing beneath your feet but there is water in the desert, because God put it there. He knows our needs before we ever do. Jesus said it best so he should end this article with Water in the Desert for our souls, "26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Mt 6:26). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

How Versus Why

2021-02-18T12:52:00.006-08:00

There's warmth and light emanating from the glass double doors. You can almost hear the laughter and conversation echoing inside. Juxtapose that against the angry echo chambers online, the sympathy, lack of sympathy, and sensational news reports dinging phones and constantly reminding us that this is the largest scale winter disaster in over 30 years. The hows are pitted against the whys today. How can we help versus why did this happen. I can tell you as a returning resident of Texas and a joyful member of the hows today, it is a much better place to be. There will always be time for whys later, people to hold accountable, systems to change, and policies to retool. We have plenty to discuss and lots of time that can be wasted online, and more feedback than you could ever dream of, and on Social Media nothing is demanded of us more than our time and attention. Community demands more than that, but also gives us something that is not exactly available on Instagram. We may be warm in our homes not being challenged or hurt, but there will always be something missing. In Proverbs 15:17 it talks about this phenomenon when it comes to where we live and how we commune, "Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." It is better to live meagerly with people that love you, than have plenty with folks that you have to prove your value to. I used to search for a group pf people to love me for me, and now I have been called to create groups where kids are loved for who they are. Places where being left out is an option, but not the only option.

Henry Kissinger once said to his fellow statesmen, never let a good disaster go to waste. For him, this was a chance to affect change on a meaningful level and pull the levers of power if but for a short time. I would like to proffer a different take on the opportunities of disaster. Folks take this as an opportunity to rely on someone else for a change, or help your neighbors, and finally build the relationships that will certainly last until the next "winterpocalypse" or the next wholesale disaster. There is a narrative, that people are using this disaster as an opportunity to get handouts or a leg up. I can assure the reader that case is typically the opposite. Asking for help seems to be the hardest thing to do for Texans during this time. Pride is a tricky issue when it comes to matching people with the resources needed to the resources available. It seems like an easy equation. A building that has space, heat, company, and food versus toughing it out at home. But it isn't that simple.

Everyone would prefer to be in the helper position rather than in need. Being in need is viewed as being less than in our culture, but in good theology, being needy is important to healthy relationships. Not needy in the sense of taking whenever the taking is available, but needy in the sense that you have an understanding that you are not complete. As a human being relating to other human beings, you have needs that can only be fulfilled by God and others. Without that understanding we can mistake independence for complete self sufficiency. As John Locke wrote, no man is an Island unto himself. Our needs and weaknesses are not negatives in God's standards, but opportunities for God to show his power best, when our power fails.

Don't miss an opportunity in the coming weeks to lean on another. To help one another. And if it seems like margin is running out, lean on God. Don't waste away online with hateful and vengeful posts, use your voice to help and get help. Walk through the double glass doors instead to the warmth, the fun, the closeness and the community of the how. How can we help? Let us know. The truth of the matter is as simple as this. We are all equal already in the Kingdom of God. Our helping is not reaching down to pick up the lowly. It is a reaching across divides to hold our neighbors closely. That is what the hows are doing, and how they work best. Our church is filled with people of different needs, but we can be a better church when we realize that we're all needy. Needy for healthy relationships, for a caring community, and for God. It also serves those that are more prone to be ashamed of their need, to be reminded that God works most powerfully in our deficiency.

Fighting to Bridge the Gap

2021-02-15T14:58:00.002-08:00

Fighting is how we get closer. This seems like a contradictory statement right. Especially if you have been privy to an argument that led to someone leaving or terminating a relationship. After an experience like that, it is certainly understandable that arguing, shouting, and disagreements can be the trigger that convinces us something is about to change, typically for the worse. I grew up in two different households with two very different conflict styles. One had conflict seldom and always on the surface level, and the other had conflict constantly on the surface level and occasionally the deep very long arguments that seemed to never end. To be honest, I became an expert of avoidance in one household, and an argument closer in the other. I found that retreat and despair were very effective in the non-confrontational environment, both meant I never had to have a real conversation. In the conflict rich environment, I found that I could save up my anger to roll out at once and I did that so seldom, it shocked everyone to end the conversation being had. I was proud of my survival tactics and being young I viewed them as virtues rather than character flaws, because simply put, they worked for me. I am sad to say that it was many years later, that I began to peel those layers back and discover the myriad of ways I had constructed to keep others away. I found I could talk about just anything thing except for that or that. I was comfortable in most heated conversations as long as they didn't involve me. I had no clue as to how angry I was, because frankly I learned not to yell. I was still alone.

My first long time mentor taught me that intimacy is the ability to share pain. I had never heard this definition before, and what I thought before that, was sharing pain is the worst thing that you can do to someone, or more accurately the worst thing I could do to someone. No one deserved my pain, I had enough of a time in pain management, why would sharing pain possibly be good for me or anyone else. In fact I took great pains to make sure that others could not see it and had a difficult time with those that could. I never wanted to be a burden, while at the same time assuming that that was what I was. Part of conflict is recognizing that your views, feelings, thoughts on the situation matter. They are not the only things that matter, but if they didn't then there really is no point to the interaction. A quote used by a mentor of mine frequently was, "if I hide myself where ever I am. Am I really there?" Or more to the point if your or my experience doesn't matter or factor in, why do we have them at all. Survivors of trauma often look to help others in the midst of their inability to help themselves. They do what they can to lessen their importance and increase the importance of anything else or anyone else. Even in some instances their abusers. To be able to approach conflict equitably, we must accept the importance of our point of view in conjunction with others, not in spite of others.

Once we discover our voice, the pendulum can tend to swing so far, that the need to win every conflict, to be right every time. Knowing that what you have to say is important actually empowers you to be able to release the outcome of the conflict and be comfortable with simply being heard. When the conflict is aimed at finding a middle ground or more appropriately a meeting ground to help us understand one another, so that both sides are getting their needs met. Everyone needs to be heard. In the throws of conflict someone must, take the first step in trying to understand the other, before they are understood. We must be free to understand, even and especially when it is difficult. The space between us, our ideals, our politics, our values, aren't quite so vast when we seek to build a bridge. To a bridge builder the expanse must seem impossible to breech. That is until they do. As the Chinese Proverb says every great journey begins with a single step.

It is my sincere hope that there would be a movement of bridge builders. Not for the sake of those that have less favorable views that are not in vogue at the moment, or even those that have self proclaimed "progressive views." Bridge builders are need to heal the gaps in relationships that are so easily broken and to remind the world of a truth spoken by Abraham Lincoln as he sought to prevent the splitting of the American Union. "We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

What's Your Filter

2021-02-04T08:42:00.002-08:00

You can hear their confidence. There is no chance that they have a single doubt about what they are talking about. They are both equally intelligent and thrust points and parry rebuttals and it seems we want to believe both, but in doing so we have to be wrong, we take a chance at being foolish of being accused of not having sense, reason, or a quantifiable IQ. Passion is not a sign of righteousness, but for those of us looking for truth it seems that truth and lies are announced with equal passion in our society. It is not surprising as we were warned in scripture that men would no longer follow God in the end days, but walk in the way that seems right to them. This prophecy is an echo of one of the darkest points of apostasy in the Story of God's people in the book of Judges that describes that historical period as a time when men did what they thought was right in their own eyes. While we often think of the end times as a time of ultimate evil, it is most like the time of the Judges, when there was not complete apostasy, necessarily, but widespread unbelief and a widespread practice of injustice. I do not know if we quite 100% match the time of the Judges to a tee, but the are some significant parallels emerging in the discussion of religious truth and morality. The fences are not down altogether, but are certainly trod heavily on in places. I typically have a gut reaction to the Chicken Little rhetoric that I was confronted with quite a bit growing up, mostly because the sky hasn't fallen yet, even if you can sense the edges straining to buckle. Rather than worrying about whether or not Christ is going to return, lets get ready for life in the world as people on the visiting team.

I'm sitting in my home town's Denny's listening to a friend of mine espouse some very alternative views. Apart from my visceral reaction to the story they told and the hopeless world they painted, I knew that they were views espoused by small Christian groups online. I shut out the screaming rebuttal in my head to carefully consider the content and the repercussions of holding these truths as self-evident. So I asked a perilous question after he ran out of steam, "What does it mean if you are right about all of this, I mean how does it change your life?" I then asked the question I really wanted to know, what is your bull crap filter? That is to say when do you say its bull crap and when do you say its not. I do not specifically remember if I got the full answer to those questions, but they are ones that I still ask myself, what is your bull crap filter, does it make sense? Honestly sometimes it is consistent and other times emotions play more into my filter for truth vs. falsehoods. I simply feel that its wrong, and say what you want about that, those feelings are difficult to overcome. Worse still than that are the filters that say it might be true, for those have no basis whatsoever in empiricism nor do they demand any. Kind of like assumptions of guilt or innocence for celebrities before their cases are ever heard in a court of law. We condemn presidents with the same casual dislike that we have for candy bars, even though all of them are just different combinations of sugar. Simply because we are not predisposed to know the truth, or recognize it, doesn't mean that we simply stop seeking it.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Those that speak casually about God are missing out on some basic foundations for a reality model. To quote one of my favorite Christian punk bands mewithoutYou, "Whoever heard a singer, criticized by his song?" If we can agree that God is the creator, sustainer, and active participant in the world, then what could be a wiser course than to seek to understand Him, and revere Him in the way that His position demands. There is no where we can run to, away from, or get reprieve from God's active presence in our live. If in God we move and have our being, then the notion of living a Godless life is ridiculous. We may live a life in opposition to His ways, or the best of His creation. We can live in ignorance. We can live in a constant state of churning hatred for the good things of God. Those are all ways we can approach living in a God-filled world and refuse to respect our the means in which our Father provides and guides us.

I have heard many times, and find a lot of truth in the saying that we are only one generation away from losing the Gospel to living memory. It is so easy to see this in Gen Z demographic, as they don't require proof that God exists, but merely need to ask why worshiping him and making a commitment to Him holds any value for them. They live by a constant stream of advice, new gimmicks, and pop internet psychology. They mentoring each other, while they are being pushed into burn out by those best position to mentor them. It is the perfect recipe for losing a generation for the Gospel. According to Barna Group there are some bright spots in the digital age. During some intensive research, Barna found that Gen Z Christians that considered themselves committed to Christ displayed many signs that point to authenticity in numbers not really seen in preceding generations. Its almost as if they are the remnant in a world verging on apostasy and the pressure of a secular solipsistic culture surrounding them has culled the herd down to its most faithful. The problem being that it the herd gets too small, ranchers know that the ranch becomes unsustainable after that. The reason is that a ranch needs to reproduce cattle in order to make money or break even. Barna Group also found that the largest determining factor in young dedicated disciples was a healthy cross generational relationship with another Christ follower. It's almost as if the fate of truth lies in the hands of each passing generation as they raise the next. In fact, in the scriptures God carefully instructs His people to pass on the traditions and scriptures to their children. We also get a 10,000 foot view in the histories like Judges and 1 and 2 Chronicles, 1 and 2 Kings etc... what happens when God's people fail at passing scriptures. It's not pretty.

I think that barring the typical discussion I would have on the Wesleyan foundations of truth, tradition, scripture, experience, and the spirit, the way you are raised often has a great deal more to do with how you filter information. For example, when a child with abandonment issues has a significant other leave the house in an argument, it may mean something else entirely to them, when the spouse was simply letting off some steam to return and finish the fight. A friendly back-slap may communicate love and acceptance to some and danger to others. Also changing dinner plans at the last second may be easy going for you, but a toddler doesn't adjust quite so well to that change. Yes I am talking about feelings and the truth. They are not as separate as we would have hoped in the modern era. Apparently ignoring the emotional side of truth has done more harm in that we simply don't have a frame of reference to divide conversations from the obvious emotions get to what we would very much like to say is objective truth. We live in an age so fractured in tribalism that "objective truth" is only subjectively accepted. The best way we can raise our kids, is to raise them to be curious. Instead of having conversations where the only goal is to be right, we can encourage curiosity and ask instead why is it that you believe that, why do you think that way.

So as the modern world tried to throw out belief with the belief that there is an agreed upon objective reality, they found that belief is an arena that has to be discussed in and moved in rather than one where we can shut down the conversation and make claims that beliefs are foolhardy and science is the only way to agree. Science excels at explaining natural phenomenon, or at least making better models of reality that increase in verisimilitude, but apart from a few very talented apologists it does not lend itself to garnering belief in the human arena.

The battle of belief will never be won in a debate, it is won through the loving passing down of belief from one generation to the next. Train a child in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it. Prepare a child to enjoy the things of God, respect His position, and His love, and the path will most likely wind back and hopefully never need to wind at all. Our generation can't live for itself. The Millennials are growing older, and soon enough they too will be ordering dinner for a table before leaving the restaurant.We are one generation from losing the message of the Gospel. Parents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Friends, and Volunteers our children need you to raise them in belief, they are counting on you and Christ is counting on you.

Help Me Understand

2021-01-26T09:39:00.003-08:00

It's the kiss at the end of every adventure, the love scene during the action film, the town in distress that pulls together to fight the skill and might of the bad guys with wit, numbers, and sheer determination. It was with the Scots when they fought the rule of the English crown. It brought the Texans together to battle against the forces of Santa Ana, even to certain death. We are told that difficult, painful, or deadly circumstances serve to bring people together. We are not surprised when the hero ends up with the girl, even when their beginnings seem ill fated, like Peter Parker and the girl next door Mary Jane Watson. We want trauma so badly to have a purpose, we accept ridiculous romantic tropes in perilous situations like Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in the movie Speed. It seems odd that being chased down by a psychopath with a penchant for bombs would put anyone in the mood for love, but we accept it because trauma brings people together, right? It is awful what they went through, but at least they ended up together. Does the Silver Lining really cover the stress of the moment, or redeem the tragedy experienced? Of course not. But there is something inside of all of us that is looking for the point, the purpose of senseless violence, even in films where that violence is staged.

We had a pretty rough year in 2020 and were somewhat frustrated by the fact that the trauma we faced as humans did not serve to bring us together, seemingly like the days after 9/11 when we mourned together. Not just the traumatic event, but the shared loss of safety and certainty in our country. This year seemed only to radicalize the few and polarize the many and instill in us that we are not sharing grief, even though we are stuck in the same trauma. So what is the difference between shared trauma and shared grief? Grief is the process that we all go through whenever there is a change or a loss. While you may not realize it, there are most certainly changes and losses in your life that you deferred that grief, and have yet to walk through it. To grieve, we must give our selves permission to walk through it and then permission for life to create a new normal. The one thing consistent about grief is the inconsistency in how it presents for each of us. The psychology world has named some of the steps of grief, but the are not in order, or frankly something we all go through as definite as they sound. Some people are good at grieving publicly, others privately. Some can grieve with others and some need to grieve alone.

When we hit the pandemic there was not only an assumption that we would experience the same shared trauma, but also a shared grief. This was not to be. Not only did we not agree on the clear and present danger, but we did not agree to an emotional response. There was no "fight of the hostages" to eliminate the inappropriate responses to the situation and instill a sense of "We are in this together." Instead the panicked starting to panic the panicked, the brave only respected the brave, the stupid only carried on echoes with the stupid and any shared sense of reality remained just out of reach. Not only that, but those trying to grieve their losses publicly were shamed, judged, or told that it wasn't a big deal. They were simply misinformed. Those that refused to grieve publicly were called callous and obtuse. The biggest reason we haven't grieved yet, is that it still isn't over and hope is coming in and out like the tide. We are still trying to push through and get to the other side, and the unfortunate side effect is that we are having a difficult time with both our close relationships and our outer circle relationships. We are neither sharing trauma, or sharing grief. So what do we do?

The Lord is Near

If the response doesn't immediately come to you that's okay. We are living in unprecedented times. The first is to recognize what we are grieving. In Psalm 34 David is lamenting and calling on the nature of God in the face of his pain, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.¹⁸The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." The righteous call out, they are heard. Do you think that this is a truth that only applies to Men whose sons betray them like David, or do you think David is calling upon a fundamental truth of God, that while we are not always skilled, willing, or capable listeners that God is listening intently to our cries. Beyond simply listening in this Psalm we learn that God is already close to those with broken hearts and is saving those with crushed spirits. Verse 18 is not even dependent on our action or crying out, it is simply in the nature of our God to be rescuer to those that are crushed. It is important to be able to cry out in grief and be heard, because if you cannot do it for yourself then you will miss it in others. God is here to listen understand and if you refuse to talk to Him, He will send others to trip over your unresolved trauma and deferred grief, like when Nathaniel convicted David of his murder of Uriah.

Bearing Burdens

My absolute favorite question that I learned working in a group home setting was, "I don't understand, can you help me understand?" This question took the weight of obligation off of the person trying to swim through difficult emotional waters and placed the fault on me the listener. I missed something, please teach me what you meant by that. Galatians 6:2 very succinctly explains this phenomenon of taking the weight off of an others shoulders to make themselves understood, but for us to seek to understand, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." It didn't say for us to make the burdens disappear, or to convince others the burdens were not real. Sometimes it involves helping others realize the burdens were not theirs to carry, or they are ones they can let go. In every instance there, they need someone to alleviate the burden for enough time for them to think.

Knowing that Change is Loss

Every change we experienced last year was a loss that we needed to grieve. Whether that was the ability to go to the grocery store without a second thought, losing slow news days, or missing a person dues to permanent or sustained loss. Thinking "we should have" done a, b, or c by now, or gotten over it, are simply ways we minimize our pain to defer grief rather than walk through it. A healthier way of thinking, is man, I have lost so much this year and it has been hard. What can I do today to move forward a bit more and heal a bit more. Alcoholics Anonymous are famous for their saying taking one day at a time, because they are teaching addicts to process pain in a healthier way other than the abuse of their substance of choice. A great mentor of mine once told me that ministry is a job that provides a constant stream of unresolved grief. People coming in and our of your life. New jobs, new churches, and more change than most people in healthy situations experience. I think that life is a bit like it and some of us are better at naming what is wrong and others of us need each other to help walk us through it.

I've noticed that it is difficult sometimes to get a bead on how teenagers are handling all of the change they are going through. There is often a built in expectation for them to blow when enough pressure builds up inside of them. While this may be true for some, many are expecting to cope with all of this on their own. We cannot assume there is no grief there, we cannot assume that it is the same as our grief, what we can and must do is facilitate conversations that begin with and don't end with, "help me understand." It is only then that we can share trauma and grief together, when ours isn't the most important in the room.

A Love That Hates Disparity

2021-01-18T11:58:00.002-08:00

Last October, our church embark on a small local mission project. I had big plans for it the year prior, but due to the pandemic, the week long 10 home mission week was whittled down to 4 projects and 4 days. I am not complaining, we still had a heck of a time, and got to spend some time with our neighbors. During that time, since it was a youth mission, although we had almost our entire church participating, I had the privelege carry the message throughout the week and speak on scripture as we met at the end of each day, ate together, and debriefed the day. The passage that God directed me to use was that of Acts 2:42-47, "²And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. ⁴³And awecame upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." (NIV) We focused throughout the week on attempting to flesh out the idea of fellowship or as it is said in the Greek "Koinonia" through the context of this scripture. At first I talked about what separated us from any other social justice programs outside the church, our devotion, prayer, and common belief. We then talked about the communion we had together as the church and what it meant to eat together and meet each other's needs. Finally we discussed the worship of our God and the growth that came as a result of the "koinonia."

Currently we live in a time, when the koinonia of the church at large appears to be broken. As a favorite Christian Punk Band of mine As Cities Burn once crooned, "If we are the body, how'd a pretty man get so ugly. How'd he get all these spaces between each limb." We see brokenness not only across denominational lines, but also from church to church in each denomination. Policy, theology, politics, and division serve to break the fellowship of the church, and all to often at the micro level of each community. We talk about love, but all to often struggle to practice this at home or even at our home churches. How do we heal this break? How do assemble the body of Christ back into a community that truly represents him? These are certainly imperative questions to answer for the church today. While I do not have the answer specifically to each of your communities or even completely for my own, there is something I believe we have lost, and gaining it back will most certainly be a step toward unity of heart, purpose, and mission.

The love described in the fellowship in Acts 2:42-47 was not protective of the status quo. It did not seek to continue establishing community standards as they have always been. It was not a love that focused on status or importance of the individual, but recognized the value of every person, to the extreme that it began to hate the separation that naturally divided the church. Today we are desperately worried about being disenfranchised. Entire political ideologies are devoted to the idea that "they" whoever they are, are taking "our" rights. This undercurrent to the ideologies as best is slowly eroding our values system, and at worst is directly flying in the face of who we are representing. Jesus Christ is God in the flesh. He gave up his rights, authority, power, and position to live the life of a builder from Nazareth, who then became a teacher for a few rag tag souls. Jesus exemplifies a love that does not seek to self protect, but hates the divisions that keep people apart and serve to place others as lower or lesser.

As His church, we are called to not only exemplify that love to each other in our "koinonia" fellowship, but also to extend this to those outside of our fellowship. To love our enemies, to give up our rights to the "them"; to understand that Christianity is not a cultural phenomenon, but is a radical counter-cultural experiment, that even out does our very own constitution in its view of humanity. In our constitution it says that all men are created equal, and that we all have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The law of love exampled by Christ shows that we should consider all men, women, and children as more important and more than ourselves, we should fight for their freedom from sin and oppression and understands that happiness is not a pursuit, but joy is received from obedience to an omnibenevolent God. What the world gives, the world can take away, but what God gives... no one can take it away. That kind of love hates disparity of love, fairness, and self determination. It is the kind of love that sees an injustice and seeks to fix it even when the action makes zero since to self preservation. When the early church saw economic disparity it gave from those that could to level it out. When it saw a disparity of family people were invited to stay. When the early church saw a disparity of needs being met, they didn't call a board meeting or simply pray, they met those needs in the midst of their meeting and praying.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. MLK dreamed of a world with the love exemplified by the most devoted Christ followers in this world. The truth is that this dream is not a worldly one, but a realization of the Kingdom of God. He saw it as our duty as Christians to take every inch of our world for that ideal. Today in the midst of our disagreements, our many continuing arguments, I would wish that kind of love for our church today. One that welcomes judgment from God, one that seeks to bring together, and one that hates disparity.

Climbing Out of a Rut By Turning the Wheel

2021-01-05T09:54:00.006-08:00

Imagine a hill covered in snow. Fresh powder no tracks, footprints, or paw prints. Skip forward after all the sleds in the neighborhoods have had their runs. Deep grooves have been carved into the hill and have iced over as the sun goes down at the end of the day. Now picture yourself trying to control a sled as the last person to hurdle down. Now why is it that you can't control where you are going? You've done this a hundred times before. You lean in harder into your turns, hold your feet out to brake, but suddenly the hill falls out from under you and the world spirals out of control. Gravity hits and takes you down, hard. As you try to catch the wind that was knocked out of your chest, you wonder what happened to the hill you had at day break. You suddenly long for fresh snowfall and know that this may have been the last one for the year, and if you live in South Texas, possibly for the decade.

Now imagine that hill you pictured is your brain, and the sleds running down it are the daily thoughts coming in and out ad nauseam. Eventually the neuron pathways freeze and we seem to be stuck in the same routines, making the same mistakes, and walking in to the same issues. If you haven't pieced it together yet, this blog is about ruts. A rut has a few definitions, one is a usual or fixed practice and the other is, a channel worn by the continuous passage of a wheel. Do you think that the two definitions are related? The feeling of being is a rut is remarkably similar to the experience of driving in one. When I was 16 I spent ten days in Nicaragua on a mission trip and encountered ruts so deep that if the box truck we were riding in, with two benches and no seat-belts, were to accidentally steer into them the wheels could actually beak off the axle; not to mention the thousands of pot holes requiring the slow speed of ten miles an hour to negotiate. Another time my wife and I visited Honduras during a cruise and encountered similar ruts on the road with men taking tips to fix the ruts and pot holes, we were told they were "private contractors" and not government workers. Even with the slow progress of non sanctioned labor the roads were incredibly bumpy during our tour.

Our tendency when falling into trouble is over correct by making wide turns and big changes. This is the surest way to go from a rut into a ditch upside down. We are now into January and after making it through one of the widely recognized years on record, the tendency to make big promises to ourselves for 2021 is still in full effect. It is almost like making it through last year wasn't enough, we have to do it better this year. While I am on board with change and growth it seems that this tendency is actually a barrier to natural emotional growth as it ends when we fail, and resolutions don't make sense. Thinking things like this year I am going to be kinder, quit smoking, lose weight, set better boundaries, and start rock climbing are all great goals, but together become a Sisyphean boulder that we quickly become tired of way before eternity. So if big swings often swing back, how do we climb out of the ruts we had from last year? I don't have all the answers for that and if I did, I would be selling them, but there are a few things that can gently ease us out of the rut we're stuck in by gently turning our wheel.

1. Positive Thinking

Negative thoughts are often the most pervasive. Shame and guilt can often be the rudders our narrative uses to steer our thoughts. While this is all too common it is certainly not healthy. Feeling negatively about ourselves may be a step toward change, but it will never precipitate real long lasting change. We need to have honest positive thoughts as well and in my experience, adding positivity to a routinely negative mind can all to often be the difference maker when change is the goal. Tips for spending more time with positive thinking are, spending time with self talk in the mirror in the morning telling yourself the good things that people see in you. You can write them down with dry erase or place sticky notes on mirror, depending on your humidity and climate. Another way to ramp up your positive thinking is to say one thing you are grateful for every night before bed for at least twenty days. Neuroscientists have studied that there are positive changes in the networks of the brain when we add gratitude habitually into the mix. Meditation on scripture is yet another way to focus on the positive especially when they are verses regarding God's love and high esteem for us as his highest creation.

2. Goal Setting

Setting realistic goals is an activity done better with close friends, spouses, or mentors. You can set measurable goals that seem just beyond the reach of what you currently can do. Measurable means that there will be an observable sign as to whether you accomplish said goal or goal set, and also an objective means of deciding successes versus failures. This should be something that is regularly pointed back to by those close to you, and evaluated at an agreed upon time. Neglecting those around us that have set goals to "give them space to complete it" is not helpful in the long run. Whether you are the one setting goals or the one helping the goal setter, check in often and validate the feelings around what they are doing differently, but also hold them to their word.

3. Doing One Thing Today

Not all of us face an obstacle when it comes to respecting ourselves. We had parents that instilled in us a work ethic to be proud of and lots of security to be ourselves and valued. But in this blog we are talking about ruts that we get into and that often means falling short of what we see our capabilities. This does not describe all of us, but for the ways we are disappointed in ourselves, or the insecurities that crop up every time we threaten change, there is a technique that can pull us out of victimhood and back into the drivers seat. I work with teenagers and the ability and capability among them differs as much as you might suspect, but there is a common thread. There is often an underlying thread to the teenage experience and that is finding out the ways people tell you, "you are not enough" or "you are too much." Those messages over time accumulate and rather than having the desired affect of motivation, they tend to become barriers to the success. So here is a solution, not the solution, but a good step. Do something you respect today and recognize it with your self, whether that was making your bed or doing a load of laundry. It was something that needed to be done and you did it. They don't have to do with your goals, but will start reminding you that you are capable and that barriers of desire and stagnation can certainly be surmounted. Just do one thing today that you respect.

4. Allowing for Deviations

My dad often quotes John Lennon when talking about how things are going, and he says, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." Allowing for deviations to your path to happen without abandoning yourself in the process, is essential to a long term turning out of the rut. People with substance addictions know that relapse is often part of the story, but it is up to them to make sure that it isn't the end of the story. Hope is the ability to believe that life can be better even without evidence to the contrary. Even when we fall back into old routines, hope can be the catalyst to initiate change again. It is only when we fall to despair that we begin to accept that "it is what it is" and we cannot change it. Often the most uncomfortable conversations are close relatives or friends trying to rescue you from despair and remind you that either life was better before or that it can be better with effort and time.

5. Get Motivated, Don't Get Hungry

A piece of wisdom I have heard from the AA community is to never let yourself go hungry. This is not a dietary statement, but covers much more about self care than it appears to. We fall into ruts whenever self protection becomes more important than self improvement. Coping strategies and self care are integral to turning the wheel and affecting positive change. It takes a certain amount of planning and decisiveness to place ourselves in a position to "never be hungry." We must know what we will need, plan for contingencies, and not put ourselves in situations where we will swept up into a survival mindset. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs our physical needs our at the bottom of the pyramid. It means that our brains do not concern themselves with higher functioning to respond well to the challenges of the day, when our physiological needs take a hit, i.e. getting hungry. If we are more purposed and reflective of our day, and caring for ourselves, the curve balls are not so big. When the brain is in survival mode, the big things are even bigger deals and often the small things that really make a difference between a positive change and more of the same go unnoticed or ignored. It really is like the snickers commercial, "you're not you, when you're hungry."

Our minds are responsible for quite a lot. Much of our culture is geared towards ignoring issues of the mind and rather allowing for the next book, movie, or car to break us out of our rut. Maybe the next thing I consume will help fill the void. But as a friend of mine Ted used to say, "you change your mind and you can change the world." For Ted the state of the world did not change on a reality basis, but on a perspective level. Scripture actually speaks to this in Romans 12:2, "2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (ESV) Scripture calls for us to not take the easy path of sticking to the ruts, but to turn the wheel through scripture, relationships, and prayer in order to change our minds. If there is someone who is an expert at changing minds it is God, because the man that wrote the verse in Romans, changed his career to professional Christian prosecutor and persecutor to a humble and zealous missionary for Jesus. Start with a prayer to God acknowledging your stuckness and asking him to begin the process to change your mind and ultimately change your heart. You don't have to climb a mountain for God to get started, just turn your wheel a bit and move forward, you'll make it out.

Happy New Years Everyone!

In Jesus Christ,

Marshall

Support With Accountability

2020-12-21T08:40:00.003-08:00

There has been a rift created between two complementary actions, support and accountability. Normally these go hand in hand, but lately they have been made by a part of our society to be total and complete opposites. On Facebook you can like a post, love, wow, cry, and angry a post, but recently they created a new button on the reactions as a response to the pandemic and that is the care button. The care button is a virtual hug, I am not sure the exact amount of comfort the "virtual hug" gives, but am certain it varies to the person receiving it and the person reacting with it. There were outbursts of sarcasm and anger that accompanied the addition of one small reaction emoticon, there were joke made, and there was applause. The different reactions paints an interesting portrayal of where we are at as a society.

A friend of mine last week posted about a death in the family and had to preface the post with instructions on what she was looking for as reactions to the post. It seems that the standards for decency online have not been set as clearly, as it is in in-person public, rather than virtual public. We have multiple groups obsessing over holding others accountable while not holding themselves accountable for their inappropriate interactions with their so-called Facebook friends. It seems that the soap box is so easy to ascend these days that we climb it when it really is not necessary. It has gotten to the point where someone has to ask for support to avoid debate. They rarely have to ask for debate it is simply assumed every time something offensive goes up and with our current diversity of public opinion is just about everything. We have so often forgotten the difference that we offer accountability at inappropriate times because we believe they need to know, and offer support as a means of complete absolution and those that say contrary are not being supportive. Being honest and supportive are not opposites, we really just live in a world where those that avoid major conflict are viewed as compassionate, while those that are blunt, tend to be viewed as jerks.

The truth is that all of us need someone that is willing to be both a source of criticism and a source for support. It is these people that help and encourage us to grow. In order to successfully grow a fruit tree, it must be both watered and pruned. God interacts with us in this way. Consistently God calls us out of places, habits, relationships, and also calls us into new places, new disciplines, and new valuable relationships. He is watering and pruning our souls. "For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." Isaiah 44:3 This is one example of God growing us through the water of His spirit.An example of his pruning activity in our lives comes from Jesus in John 15:2, "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. God is both sustaining us through difficulties and also setting boundaries and letting us know when we have crossed those boundaries. This is precisely how we are called to love others, to bear one another's burdens Galatians 6:2 and to keep others to account in Luke 17:3 "Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,". No part of this extends to one attitude or another, it is really the law of love.

We are also to spur one another to good deeds. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 Spurring one another to good deeds is not the same as backslapping it is a pressure to do something that we would not otherwise do. Spurs were used to add pressure to horses so that they would cross water and tougher terrain than they would naturally be able to. So we have a biblical view of relationships that is slightly more complicated that the unofficial commandment found in many churches which is, thou shalt not offend, thou shalt not make waves, thou shalt not bother. Kindness bereft of intentional love is not kindness, but a special kind of apathy. A niceness that says I will only go with you so far and retreat, I will remain silent to a fault, or as long as I don't hurt you we can assume our relationship is good. Honestly I don't want a great many shallow relationships, although that is what I am sure to encounter naturally. I want to go deep with the people that I encounter. I want to change and hopefully use whatever influence I have to change others. If life is a deep exploration, those that keep us nice and warm on the surface are not doing us any favors, but those that are willing to dive deep with us and go where the pressure is great, the scenery is alien to the typical eye, and the creatures are strange; spur us on our quest and take us deeper into the great mystery and not into ourselves.

This desire has to be in others. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has set eternity in the heart of man. So its no wonder when we live in a world of countless relationships that rarely run deeper than the chips in our phones that we are typically so unsatisfied by the world. Our hearts were built for larger capacity than the occasional "isn't that nice", or "bless her heart", or "I don't know where they got that from but..." It is no wonder why gossip is considered a sin. We take the broken image bearers of God and reduce them to their brokenness, or to an act, or interaction we had with them once. Our hearts have bigger capacity for love than that, especially after they have been redeemed and changed by Jesus Christ.

So I would like to offer an invitation this month. An invitation to follow someone who pushed and supported all those he met and never stopped loving even when it was hard. A warning however, his style of love was not strategic, that is to say it didn't end with a life retired on a beautiful ranch. He didn't get to be famous in his lifetime, though people did know him. He wasn't save at the last moment by his devoted and zealous followers. He was betrayed; left alone and stretched our on a cross. When he came back though, the men that returned and ate breakfast with him those few last times went out and changed the world. They received the message that was clear from Christ, that not even death will stop the love and grace he had for them, because even after his betrayal, death, and resurrection, he came back for them. His sheep, his brothers and sisters, his friends.

Dive deep into your relationships this season, don't be afraid of honesty, be afraid of what happens if you are never honest. Come ask me how I am, or tell me how I'm doing, and I will be honest with you and ask of you the same. You will be amazed at how much your kids and family will appreciate your honest self, even if it isn't the "you" you want or wish to be. Let's start fresh and create a culture of love for each other. Not naughty or nice, left or right, wrong or right, angry or afraid, but LOVE at all costs.