Martina McGowan MD

How to Stop Letting Work Stress You Out

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 15:00:00 +0000

Does your life often feel unbalanced? Do you feel tired much of the time? Falling asleep on the sofa after work? Feeling like your work is consuming you? You may be experiencing job stress or job burnout.

Taking care of your family, climbing the corporate ladder, or working for that new house or car can make you feel like you should devote excessive hours to your job. Or, maybe some areas are short-staffed, with everyone working above and beyond their regular capacities. You could even get so used to this routine that you become addicted to the stress that comes with this imbalanced approach to life.

The good news is that there are many approaches you can take to help prevent burnout:

1. Make every effort to stick to the hours you’re required to work. One of the first clues we are gravitating toward over-work is noticing that we’re working more hours than necessary.

* For example, if you’re hired to work 40 hours weekly and you notice you’re pulling 44 or 45 hours, recognize that continuing to work at that level will eventually catch up with you.

* Working extra hours from time to time may benefit your career advancement or your bank account. However, the long-term effects of chronic overwork may make you inefficient or ineffective in the very job you’re seeking to excel in.

“Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.”

Anonymous

2. Utilize the tools you have at work to help you do your job more efficiently. Take the time to learn how to operate the timesaving “tools” found in your workplace.

If there is a new computer program, take the training that is offered. If new equipment becomes available, be first in line to learn to use it well and effectively. A method that has always helped me is joining the implementation team. To teach or guide others, we must first learn well!!
Perhaps you’re responsible for copying and putting together a multiple-page employee manual. You still don’t know how to use that fancy new copy machine that duplicates, collates and staples documents. In this case, spending the time necessary to learn to operate the copier will shorten many of your tasks, making them quicker and easier.

3. Delegate. If possible, assign some of your tasks to others whenever you can. One of the signs of burnout is the belief that no one can do a job as well as you can.

Whether or not your belief about others is true, you don’t have to act on it. When you do, the result is that you do more and more of the work.
More importantly, when you delegate, you allow others to grow and develop.

“Many of us feel stress and get overwhelmed not because we’re taking on too much,

but because we’re taking on too little of what strengthens us.”

Marcus Buckingham.

4. Take breaks. It’s important to divert your mind a few times daily from your work projects.

Take a coffee break and chat with your coworkers about the television show you watched last night, an article you read recently, or a book you’re reading.
Call your partner to plan an entertaining activity for later in the day or for the upcoming weekend.
Whatever you do during your break, step out of your usual environment. If you sit and stare at your computer screen all day, go outside, or gaze out a window.
If running around a lot is part of your job, take a relaxing break. Sit down somewhere or take a power nap if you can.

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day

is the rest taken between two deep breaths.”

Etty Hillesum

5. Make it a habit to take all time off to which you’re entitled. Taking the time off that is rightfully yours will help you prevent sick days caused by job burnout.

During those vacations and personal days, recharge your batteries by engaging in activities unrelated to your work.
As often as possible, unplug from your work during this time.

6. Stay in touch with your feelings related to your work. Acknowledge your feelings; they’re all valid and worth evaluating. Your feelings can be your first clue that you’re heading toward job burnout.

“Remember that stress doesn’t come from what’s going on in your life. It comes from your thoughts about what’s going on in your life.” – Andrew Bernstein

Are you getting tired of working all the time? Are you excited and interested in your job? Or is it starting to feel humdrum or even like a big hassle?
Are you getting cynical about the work or the coworkers you used to enjoy being around? Start to make changes by taking steps to resolve the challenges causing you to feel this way.
Our work must provide a positive force in life rather than zap all our energy.

Having a healthy work-life balance is essential. Will it ever be perfect? Honestly, no. But we can make significant improvements by heeding our inner thoughts and actions.

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future,

but from wanting to control it.”

Kahlil Gibran

Try practicing the above strategies to avoid developing job burnout.

Discover the liberating beauty of living a vital, balanced life.

Chat

Martina

A Few Thoughts For Entering a New Year

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 15:00:00 +0000

Chat soon.

Martina

How Trying To Be Perfect Is Ruining Your Life

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 15:00:00 +0000

I am a struggling, and hopefully recovering perfectionist, which is probably why I write it about it often. To get an honest answer you’d probably need to check in with my children and friends. Today, I want to talk about that all-too-common struggle between perfection and happiness. It’s a tug-of-war that many of us face, but it’s a battle I think we can win.

If you think you too might have perfectionist tendencies, here are a few questions to start us off. You can either ask them standing in front of a mirror or write the answers in your journal…

Can you think of an instance in which perfection was the enemy of your progress?
Do you tend to notice, and perhaps feel the need to comment on, what’s wrong much more often than what’s right?
How has the pursuit of perfection affected your relationships? What have you done about this?
Has it been hard to complete tasks because there’s always something to be improved upon?
Do you often forget, or gloss over your successes and fixate on your failures or missteps?
Has the urge to do something perfectly ever left you feeling stressed, worried, and worn out?
I’ve been to each of these places many times.

The Battle Between Perfection and Happiness

“Perfectionism is the enemy of happiness.

Embrace being perfectly imperfect.

Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself, you’ll be happier.

We make mistakes because we are imperfect.

Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and keep moving forward.”

Roy T. Bennett

Perfectionists refuse to accept any results short of perfection. These people are often high achievers. But, just as often, they are not.

The urge to be perfect can be a huge disadvantage. And, most perfectionists are anything but happy. When our standards are set at unreasonably high levels, we are unlikely to have many moments in our lives when we feel content or satisfied.

Perfectionists don’t usually have a problem admitting that they are stressed, worried, and exhausted. It’s not easy trying to be perfect or right all of the time!

Here’s how perfection and happiness don’t harmonize:

1. The need for perfection often guarantees failure. The need for perfection is a losing endgame. Absolute perfection can never be attained, so by choosing perfection, we are choosing to fail. Happiness is hard to achieve when we feel we are failing at everything we do.

2. Perfection breeds anxiety. When we feel the need to be perfect, we are bound to be anxious. We worry all the time when perfection is the only acceptable result.

“Healthy striving is self-focused:

“How can I improve?”

Perfectionism is other-focused:

“What will they think?”

Brené Brown

3. Perfection is the enemy of progress. Perfection gets in the way of making meaningful progress in most things. Perfection is tedious, slow, and often repetitive. When we don’t feel we are making progress in our lives, we’re not going to be happy.

4. Perfection forces us to use our time inappropriately. When we try to be perfect, we spend too much time on things that simply don’t matter in the long run. There are plenty of things in life that require results that are less than absolute perfection.

● Stop spending the time to be perfect when it just doesn’t make sense.

5. Perfectionists are likely to procrastinate. Given that the drive for perfection creates anxiety and consumes a lot of time and energy, perfectionists are more likely to procrastinate than the average person.

● It’s not easy to get started when we know that our results have to be perfect.

6. Perfectionists notice what’s wrong, rather than what’s right. Perfectionists often only recognize what’s wrong with something or someone. They pick up on every detail that isn’t “right.”. They rarely acknowledge what’s good. They are keyed in on the flaws and the deficits. This is a hard way to live and certainly sacrifices happiness and camaraderie. It also makes us feel disheartened about our own work, our home lives, and of course, ourselves.

● Perfectionists fixate on their failures and their missteps making them unhappy.

7. It’s challenging to complete anything because there’s always something you could improve upon. Whether you’re working on a project for your job or building a deck for your house, it’s a struggle to complete things and move on. A perfectionist will always find a way to make it even better. And keep making it better, and keep making it better.

● Having a lot of unfinished tasks hanging over your head is stressful and unsatisfying.

8. Perfectionists expect others to have equally high standards. Perfectionists are hard people to be around for long periods of time. Because they are so critical of others they are often lonely. They are prone to relationship challenges. Loneliness and a lack of social support prohibit happiness.

It’s not easy being a perfectionist! While it’s important to give crucial tasks the necessary attention, spending too much of our time and attention on noncrucial things is a waste of time and mental energy. There are better ways to spend it!

“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous.

It’s about fear.

Fear of making a mistake.

Fear of disappointing others.

Fear of failure.

Fear of success.”

Michael Law

We have to work to tame the tendencies that push us to try to be perfect!

These tendencies are blocking the happiness and love you deserve.

Let some of the details go and experience a life you truly enjoy.

Choose happiness over perfection!!

How do I tame some of my own tendencies toward perfection?

One of the ways I try to tame a bit of my perfectionism is to limit the number of times I can edit a blog. There will always be a better quote, a crisper picture, and a pithier way of turning a phrase. But, it will never be 100% perfect.

What advice do you have to offer on this subject? I am always open to fresh ideas. Leave your suggestions in the comments below.

If you know someone who might benefit from this, please share and subscribe.

Chat soon…

Martina

Finding Our Way to Feeling Like We Are Enough in a Broken World

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 15:00:00 +0000

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly

trying to make you something else

is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In a time and a world full of uncertainties, it is still essential that we work on all aspects of our lives. Feeling that were are enough in life means the complete harmony of our minds, bodies, and spirits. It means physical, emotional, social, and intellectual completeness and integration. It means integrity in all aspects of who we are and how we are in the world.

Is it that easy to feel like you are enough in a world where we are bogged down by the distressing news of yesterday and today, and live in perpetual fear of tomorrow? Certainly not! But, we can achieve it, although it may not be a smooth path.

In this post, we’ll examine ways of reclaiming our enoughness. Reclaim our sense of being enough! Don’t be distracted by the winding paths of the issues of life. The search for enoughness is a lifelong pursuit.

Some other synonyms for enoughness are capability, competence, proficiency, and sufficiency.

Here are six tips to help guide us toward enoughness:

Avoid wasting time and energy. We each get the same 24 hours each day. We each get to decide how we want to spend ours. Many people spend too much time and energy on the wrong things: activities that are not aligned with their true aspirations.
Give up on unrealistic expectations. In the quest for enoughness, many people set non-viable goals for themselves. When these targets cannot be reached, often depression, frustration, and disappointment set in. Stop harming your own emotions. Avoid this by creating targets within your reach, or just a bit beyond. Not overly easy, not impossibly difficult, but goals that are important to you, and reachable.
Stop trying to live up to others’ expectations. A mistake that many of us make is living only to please other people. That is unsustainable, and ultimately unachievable. The expectations of others may be too big or too small for our dreams. They may be too demanding of our time, energy, or finances. Set the purpose of your life and live to achieve that. Accept criticisms, but do not let them be the yardstick by which you measure your life or your success.
Analyze your successes and celebrate them. Success is progressive and lies within the journey towards the bigger achievement.

“At the end of the day darling, you are enough.

You always have been.

It may have taken you awhile to see that

and to finally reach this place,

but you have always been enough.”

Lacey Ramburger

● The feeling that we are enough is a building up of unique achievements that will snowball into a bulk achievement. We must learn to celebrate the minor things in life to make way for bigger achievements.

Spend time every day with yourself. This goes beyond being alone. Take a walk, visit the zoo or museum, explore nature, and feel the fulfillment it offers. This approach is very important for your growth and personal development. It offers you the advantage of focusing on yourself.
Do a routine self-assessment. Find time each day to ask yourself questions about your life. Find out where you have reached, what remains, what approach you will adopt, what kind of self-care you should explore, etc. This will bring focus to your dreams and ensure that you’re always moving in the right direction.

“You alone are enough.

You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

Maya Angelou.

As we grow older, it is also imperative that we work at maintaining a lifestyle that will support our continued personal development.

Enoughness stems from self-love and acceptance.

Tune into your mind, body, and heart and paint a bigger picture of yourself: an image that brings out the good in you and helps you feel grateful for yourself. Embrace your enoughness!!

The goal in life is to live to the fullest with all joy and completeness. We cannot depend on friends or family to achieve this for us or give it to us. It comes from inside!!

Peace, compassion, and joy are all within you. Activate these to your advantage and live your life to the fullest!

Share, comment, and subscribe below.

Chat soon…

Martina

Overcast Haiku

Martina McGowan MD — Sat, 09 Dec 2023 16:58:22 +0000

Overcasted day

Gloom slipping through my windows

Awaiting release.

Images by Waqutiar Rahaman from Pixabay

How We Make Peace with our Inner Critic

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 15:00:00 +0000

The way we talk to ourselves can build us up or tear us down. When our inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because we’re repeating things we heard from our parents or other authority figures when we were growing up.

If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage us from trying and taking the joy out of our lives.

We must break free from the voices in our heads, especially the negative ones. Sometimes it can feel like a never-ending struggle. But there is hope. Here are some techniques that show that there is more than one way to make peace with our inner critic(s).

“The constellation of our fears manifests as the Inner Critic.

This psychological construct can trick us into believing the very worst

about ourselves and our ability to create

or do anything else of value in the world.”

Denise Jacobs

Make Friends with Your Inner Critic

Our inner critic will sound less scary if we remember that it wants to protect us from failure and other possible dangers. One of the keys is to learn how to put it to work for us instead of against us.

1. Increase your awareness. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly notice what it’s saying to you. Start changing this relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.

2. Examine at the past. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There is often one voice that stands out. There may be some family issues or other matters that need to be healed before we can move on.

3. Focus on growth. Maybe the inner voice says you are bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. I had a similar experience with a standardized test that I don’t even remember taking in the second grade. It somehow signified that I wasn’t qualified for language classes or advanced math. It required extra paperwork and signatures for me to move forward.

We are not stuck in our past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want if you’re willing to work to get there.

4. Set your sights higher. You may also find our inner critic easier to deal with if we keep a deeper purpose in mind. When we are working for something bigger than ourselves, we can much more easily accept a few self-doubts without being overcome or destroyed by them.

5. Try meditation. We have talked about positive self-talk recently. Many people find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting and motivating. Let go of judgments and connect with your inner goodness.

Silence Your Inner Critic

On the other hand, there will be times when what we need is just a break.

If our self-talk is making us anxious and depressed, we can find relief.

1. Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book or watch a movie. Spend some time doing something that you enjoy.

2. Distance yourself. Turn down the volume by imagining your inner critic speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.

3. Identify triggers. Give yourself an advanced warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss. Take a beat before you enter knowing that you will get through the experience, and be fine.

4. List your strengths. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to knitting.

5. Correct the exaggerations. Your house will not be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few days. Work to keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate and speaking the truth to you.

6. Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse this site for ideas or invent your wording. Here are 10 Quickie Affirmations.

7. Remember your worth. Being hard on ourselves erodes our self-esteem. Your inner critic lowers your self-esteem. We can help shore up our sense of worth by telling ourselves that we deserve to be happy. Self-worth and self-respect are important for our success in life.

8. Build support. While it is vital that we value ourselves, it helps to have other people in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.

Take control of your self-talk and your future.

Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

Steve Jobs

Chat soon…

Comment and subscribe below.

Martina

Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Self-Talk Can Be Positive or Positively Disheartening

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 15:00:00 +0000

“Self-talk reflects

your innermost feelings.”

Dr. Asa Don Brown

We all talk to ourselves, carrying on a continuous internal dialogue. Self-talk can be helpful or hurtful.

How Negative Self-talk Can Affect You

Do you ever hear yourself saying things like, “Urgh, I’m late again,” or “It would be just like me to mess up this presentation?”

Wouldn’t you rather hear something like, “I did a fantastic job on that project,” or “My clothes are fitting better now that I’m exercising a little more?”

Do you ever find yourself talking yourself out of being excited and hopeful when you begin to feel good about yourself?

Do you often start something new feeling confident in yourself and your abilities, and then drop to zero confidence when that old inner dialogue kicks in?

This negative thinking is something many of us struggle with, but there is a better way. We can combat negative thoughts with positive self-talk instead of letting those automatic negative thought processes rule our lives.

Using positive self-talk and positive thinking every day can help us live a more positive life. Sometimes it’s easy to be overcome by negative thinking and negative experiences. So, it is important that we create more positive dialogues with ourselves to get through the tough times. And we all have rough patches in life. Positive self-talk and improved inner dialogue can help us reach new heights, to address many of the obstacles and barriers that may stand in our way.

Understanding Positive Self Talk

Positive self-talk is the practice of responding to the negative thoughts that creep into our minds throughout the day. You know the thoughts: the ones that have us thinking, “I can’t” instead of “I can,” or “It is too hard for me” instead of “I can do this.”

When we replace such negativity with positive thoughts, we can bring about astounding changes in the way we feel about ourselves.

Positive Self-talk and You

It takes practice to be able to make the switch from negative self-talk to positive, especially if we’ve always experienced the negative. It may even be hard for us to remember a time when a negative dialogue wasn’t playing in the background of our lives. But we are here now, and we can take a different path by choosing to put time and effort into responding to the negativity.

If we want to lead more positive and fulfilling lives, we must have a more positive mindset. To think positively, we must replace the negative thought processes that are already running through our minds with something better.

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you.

In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you.

What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”

C. JoyBell C.

Conquering the Inner Beast

Mastering the art of self-talk means we speak truthfully and positively to ourselves. When you become more proficient at this, you will feel empowered and encouraged. Consequently, your days will be happier, you will work harder to achieve your goals, and you’ll feel better about yourself.

The power of your self-talk is all-encompassing. Our self-talk influences what we believe about ourselves and how we’ll behave in the future.

Try these techniques to help you master this life-affirming art:

1. Keep it real. When we are honest, we will feel more comfortable with ourselves. If you know you could have done better on a work project, acknowledge it to yourself. We can be honest with ourselves without being cruel.

2. Avoid self-criticism. Although being honest with ourselves is important, we need to do it in a helpful and informative way. These are the same things that we would expect from someone criticizing us. Instead of saying, “I messed up,” acknowledge your decision to perform to a higher standard. Tell yourself how you’ll respond and improve in the future.

3. Be positive. Talking to ourselves in negative or self-deprecating ways is self-sabotage. If we hear the same things repeatedly, we start to believe them. Make sure what you say to yourself is positive.

4. Focus on your strengths. As we listen to our inner voice throughout the day, we’ll notice that we inadvertently make unkind and untrue comments about ourselves. Saying “Why did I do that? That was dumb,” isn’t very conducive to moving forward and doing our best. Instead, if we recognize our strengths in a situation, we feel moved to push ahead and tackle the next task with more enthusiasm. We might tell ourselves, “At least I thought the situation through and believed I was doing the right thing. Next time, I’ll do things differently.”

5. Be nice to yourself. When you’re talking to yourself, are you kind? Are you careful of your feelings? We are careful with everyone else’s. Do we care less about ourselves? We can learn to forgive ourselves. When we show a caring attitude toward ourselves, we unleash the ability to perform better.

Some Ways You Can Improve Your Current Internal Conversation

Instead of saying: “Nothing I do ever turns out right,” try saying, “I am focusing on how I can succeed when I do this particular task.”

Rather than stopping at thinking: “I should have gotten up early to exercise this morning,” say, “Now I’m going to do my exercise bike” or, “I’ll walk this evening right after work.”

If you were going to say, “There’s nothing really special about me,” change that nonsense into, “Everybody has strong points and mine are…” Make a list!

Tape it to your mirror or your computer! Can’t think of anything? Here’s some help: Identifying Good Traits Worksheet. Free to download.

Identifying-Good-Traits-Worksheet pdf Download

To ensure that your self-talk is empowering and encouraging, you have to practice. I suggest standing tall in front of your mirror. Put a face on that self-talk, your face!!

You have the power to create the life you desire by taking control of your self-talk which impacts your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence!

I have added a couple of free worksheets to help you with this issue:

You know the drill- Share, comment, and subscribe!!

Chat soon…

Martina

Dear Heart, Giving Ourselves Permission to Cache, Reset, and Rest

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 15:00:00 +0000

Last week I was working at my computer doing some writing, revising, reorganizing, and general catching up. This activity involved rearranging many files. Because as we change, the way we see how things are related changes. At least that’s been my experience with computer files, things, and people. We all change…

As anyone could have predicted, my file movement started to slow down, a little, then a lot. Then my printer started to act out. I found that I was putting more and more effort into the project while getting diminishing returns. Admittedly, it has been a busy couple of weeks, and I was probably already a little tired before I started.

As my frustration mounted, it eventually dawned on me that the issue may not lie with my poor computer skills, but with the abuse of my computer. I had not emptied the cache(s) on my computer, nor reviewed my browsing history in quite some time. I did those things, and miracle of miracles things started to flow smoothly again. I was able to get back into a kind of rhythm.

This, of course, had not fully addressed the real problem. I was tired. And, it didn’t take long before I was struggling again. I was making silly, simple mistakes that kept bogging me down.

Ultimately, I realized that I needed to take the same approach I had used on my computer and apply it to myself.

I needed to empty the cache, rest, and allow for a reset.

“Some people have compassion

for even strangers,

but not for their own bodies.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I had to give myself permission to take time off.

To stop.

To rest.

To not continue to work the “To Do” List.

I had to give myself permission to not do anything.

Of course, I thought I would get back to work as the day progressed and after some of the weariness wore off. But that was not the case.

A full day of rest, respite, and renewal was required.

The next morning, I was able to get up and get right back into my planned activities.

We forget that we get tired and use up all our physical and psychic energy. We tend to continue to press on and push forward, even when there is nothing left for us to give.

We must know when and how to give ourselves permission to not continue.

Permission to say that it is OK for us (or someone else) to stop and take a break.

Or, maybe we need permission to dance.

Permission to feel, to think, to breathe.

Permission to live your purpose.

Permission to come home to self.

Permission to show ourselves compassion, kindness, a little grace, and a little mercy.

The world and the work will go on if it is meant to.

As we get older, we usually get better at doing this for other people, but we forget to think about taking care of ourselves.

So, in case you cannot do it for yourself, I am giving you permission to take some time for yourself.

TAKE CARE OF YOU!

We feel so much better when we take care of ourselves. We then have the opportunity to return to our tasks invigorated, with renewed strength, better focused, and with an open mind and heart.

“Almost everything will work again

if you unplug it for a few minutes,

including you.”

Anne Lamott

What do you do when things just aren’t working?

Have a burning question, a topic you want discussed, or a comment? Hit me up in the comment section.

Want to know more about what these letters and notes to DearHeart are all about and why I write them? Go to Dear Heart Letters- What Are They?

I don’t write these every week, and I don’t always promote them on my other social media platforms. Please share and subscribe.

Chat soon…

Martina

Eliminating These 5 Toxic Thoughts Can Help Bring You Peace

Martina McGowan MD — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 15:30:00 +0000

And that’s what we want, isn’t it? Peace! Peace in our minds, peace in our spirits. But toxic thinking pulls us away from that.

Toxic thoughts can stop us from enjoying life, peace of mind, and finding true happiness. Such negative thoughts and emotions drain us. They can affect each experience we have and make us feel resentful of the people around us.

“To build self-esteem,

you have to outface your negative beliefs about

yourself and change them.”

Asmaa Dokmak

Beware of these toxic thoughts and use counter-strategies to increase your happiness:

I’ll always be alone. Being lonely and feeling isolated at times are normal human emotions. However, they become toxic when we think that things will always be this way, or that we will always feel this way.
- This toxic thought can make us feel that we’re the only person on the planet. It can make us believe that we’ll never find love or a partner. And it can stop us from feeling joy.
- Instead of thinking we will always be alone, we need to turn that focus to what we already have.
  - Do you have loving parents or siblings?
    - Do you have amazing friends or coworkers?
      - If you look carefully, you’ll see you’re never truly alone.
I hate my body. Hating our bodies can be one of the most toxic thoughts in our minds. It can lead to eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and other challenges. We all can find imperfections in how we look, but it’s important to avoid dwelling on them.
- Understand that our bodies are a gift. It’s part of what makes us unique.
- Notice the things you do like about your body.
  - Accentuate those characteristics, focus on them, and you’ll find it easier to start loving the body you already have.
I’m not happy with my career. Our jobs can make us feel unhappy, but it’s another toxic thought.
- Try to avoid thinking about how much you hate your work.
- Of course, you may pursue a different career path.
  - If you choose this path, seek out new work without dwelling on your hatred for the current job.
- Follow your passion for a new career without anger, resentment, or animosity.
- It’s always better to go toward something rather than running away from something else.
I’m not worthy. This toxic thought can wear many outfits. We may feel that we are not worthy of love, success, money, or other things. We may believe that we always have to suffer and struggle. We may ultimately decide that we’re not meant for greater things. However, this toxic thought can stop us from enjoying life and finding happiness.
- These feelings of worthlessness are only in your mind.
  - You’re a unique person who has value, but you’ve convinced yourself otherwise.
- Often, this toxic thought comes from what we think others are thinking about us.
  - We falsely assume that others don’t see any value in us, so our self-esteem sinks to a low level. Self-esteem is an individual’s sense of competence and confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. It is self-respect.
  - You are worthy!!
- Consider starting a new game:
  - Congratulate yourself every time you do something right!
  - Find things that you do satisfactorily. Even small ones count.
    - For example, if you made a tasty breakfast, congratulate yourself.
    - If you like the outfit you’re wearing, kudos to you for picking out something nice.
    - Let your thoughts dwell on what you do right!
I don’t have enough. This toxic thought can manifest itself in many different ways, such as thinking we don’t have enough money, smarts, skills, talents, or abilities. We may also begin to think that we don’t have enough connections, friends, children, or things.
- Scarcity thoughts stop us from appreciating what we already have around us.
- This can infect every area of our lives. We may have or feel
  - a scarcity mindset at work
  - a scarcity mindset around food
  - a scarcity mindset about money
  - a scarcity mindset about love
- This feeling prevents us from finding joy in being thankful for the things we do have.
- With these thoughts, we may never feel that we have enough material possessions or people to love, regardless of how many we actually have.
- While we can certainly strive for more, it is important to also be thankful for what we do have.

“It is not always possible to do away with negative thinking,

but with persistence and practice,

one can gain mastery over them

so that they do not take the upper hand.”

Stephen Richards

Toxic thoughts are easy to create and often hard to eliminate. They can overwhelm us if we aren’t careful.

If toxic thinking has gotten hold of you, and taken over your mind, your time, or your heart, it is important that you take action to chase them out. Push them out of your mind, not just bury them.

What to do instead…

Notice when these toxic thoughts arise.
Immediately, switch that thought to one that’s more positive and uplifts you.
Meditate, repeat affirmations, and try using some of the suggestions above to loosen their grip.
Do these actions consistently, and soon you’ll find that things work out for your benefit more often.

“Don’t ever stop believing in your own transformation.

It is still happening even on days you may not

realize it or feel like it.”

Lalah Delia

What toxic thoughts are holding you in place? Keeping you stuck? Keeping you from moving forward?

You are not alone…

Comment and subscribe below.

Chat soon…

Martina

Photo by Gary Chan on Unsplash

We All Need Hope

Martina McGowan MD — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 16:01:30 +0000

Hope brightens my days. An affirmation…

Thanks for listening. I always hope it helps.

Chat soon…

Martina