marusha's Christian satire

Semper Utti Sub Utti

2012-07-02T19:46:00.000-06:00

Hypocrisy 101

2012-07-01T19:43:00.003-06:00

Going Nuts?

2012-05-30T15:10:00.001-06:00

An Open Letter

2012-05-02T20:20:00.005-06:00

Dear Dan Savage,

Thank you for your courageous stance against us bullies. You've really taught us a lesson. Hopefully we will stop stoning you gays and stuff. I know I certainly will!

Anyway, can you also talk to the Religion of Peace? You're logical and rational approach to bullies would be very welcome in that community. I'm sure you will enlighten them greatly.

Sincerely,
Ex-bully Christian.

______________________________

In response to what Dan Savage said to some teenagers in a school.

Shofar, Sho Good

2012-04-25T21:54:00.001-06:00

Hey! Don’t be the only church without this essential piece of…shofar! What other way is there to worship God and welcome Him (!) into our presence? Forget John 4:24! We have shofars! They’ll hear these babies in heaven, alright! What did we ever do without these?

For real!!! at christianbooks.com

Increase Your Territory!

2012-04-25T21:07:00.001-06:00

Prayer of Jabez Shawl From christianbook.com

Hey everyone! NOW we can really pray it up Jabez style!

Product Description

"Add meaning to times of ceremonial prayer with fringed tallit (prayer shawl) in white with woven bands of blue and gold. The Prayer of Jabez is inscribed in English: Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory. Let your hand be with me and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain (Chronicles 4:10). Made of acrylic; measures 16.5" x 78" including the fringe."

*facepalm*

Animal Lovers

2012-01-19T18:16:00.001-07:00

US Senate Approves Sex with Animals for Military Personnel

Amazing New Product!

2012-01-06T18:02:00.001-07:00

Holiday Word Play

2011-12-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

Makes Sense!

2011-12-03T15:23:00.001-07:00

Please read this article (and more) on evolution on the Such Was I blog.

Don’t Pray Without It!

2011-11-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

Wow! I thought Purpose Driven Life and the Prayer of Jabez were fantastic! Now this! Huzzah!

Man's Efforts

2011-11-14T20:12:00.001-07:00

Watch out!

2011-11-10T11:22:00.001-07:00

Happy Reformation Day

2011-10-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

Occupy Satire

2011-10-29T18:33:00.000-06:00

Please read Social Justice at the Such Was I blog.

Rise to the Bottom: How to Succeed As a Postmodern Poet

2011-10-26T12:32:00.001-06:00

Here is some superbly funny satire by a very good friend of mine.

Please visit Kari Atalla’s fan page on facebook. Kari is a song writer and recording artist who has produced very theologically thoughtful and gospel centered music.

Rise to the Bottom: How to Succeed As a Postmodern Poet

By Kari Atalla

When you think of poetry, are you intimidated? Frustrated? Confused about how to interpret the often-times bizarre imagery and meter?

Picture yourself in an art museum. You are standing in a crowd of eight before an exhibit of two giant squares. The left square is black. The right one is fiery red. Your company ooh’s and aah’s over the exhibit, but you’ve never been so unaffected by art… unless confusion counts.

Perhaps you also feel this way about poetry. You are not alone. I’m here to help.

How? I will let you in on a secret in the creative art world that is not new but still surprisingly effective. It’s what I have come to call “The Joke’s on Them” method, or TJOT. This approach to art frees the author of the responsibilities of excellence by making audiences think that the work means something. In reality, the artist/author had no meaning in mind. In other words, you can pass your deliberate foolishness as legitimate art.
A society familiar with the story of the emperor’s invisible wardrobe is ironically unchanged by its wise lesson. The world is practically begging for a deluge of postmodern poetry. TJOT is sure to help you give the people what they want.

Rule 1: Make up a pen name, and save your first five postmodern poems for later. This is vital, as explained in Rule 5.

Rule 2: Exploit the economy of familiar formulas. Basically, interrupt concepts with other unrelated concepts.

Two plus lemonade is peace.

I actually have one of Todd Friel’s recent witnessing encounters with an aspiring industrial engineer to thank for teaching me this step. Todd could not get the student to commit to 2+2=4. The student insisted that in another dimension, the sum could be 7. My question to the student: why stick with numbers at all? If logic means nothing, I’d have much more fun subtracting green from nuclear fusion.

Rule 3: Antonyms are synonyms. Synonyms are antonyms. The goal is make readers unsure of what to imagine.

Through the heights of depth are soaring
Memories ‘til now affording…

Where exactly is the height of a depth? At the top? At the bottom? How does one soar at a depth at all?

See what I mean? Another example:

Velvet sun, ebony moon…

Of course, ebony is an antonym of white. However, like the willing subjects of the emperor’s kingdom, readers will try to explain away your contradictions, perhaps in this case as a clever description for a new moon. Which is harder, postmodern poet in the making? Describing a new moon in a new way, or using antonyms a third grader knows?

Rule 4: Go crazy, but don’t go crazy. This may seem to be a contradiction, but you want your foolishness to seem profound. Occasionally include traditional poetic devices. Using flawless iambic pentameter will transform readers’ initial skepticism to admiration for the brazen way you break other rules.

Caution: Understandably, TJOT is not popular with readers who will likely find you insulting should they ever discover your technique. If you ever get caught using TJOT, your career as a postmodern poet is over…

That is, unless you come up with another pen name… which leads me to tricky Rule 5.

Rule 5: Plan B is actually a clever Plan A. Now, it’s time to liberate yourself from your secret identity by sabotaging yourself as your own expert. What? Stay with me.

Let’s say your name is Olivia Vandecamp, and your pen name is Sandra Delmar. Sandra Delmar has managed to build a small fan base online. However, if nothing else happens, her success will plateau and then plummet.

One of the fastest ways to get famous is to create controversy. At this point, Olivia Vandecamp arrives on the scene to expose Sandra Delmar as the charlatan she is. Olivia shows Sandra’s fans the five steps of TJOT. Readers are shocked, insulted, and appreciative. When asked, Olivia produces five examples of her own poetic prowess (remember Rule 1?). Sandra’s readers immediately trust Olivia as an expert, and the online community has watched the drama unfold. Your reputation spreads like wildfire, and you are now free to write publicly under your own. And in no time, you’ll be touring international poetry slams with Giannina Braschi.
......
Below is an example of my own work, but I look forward to reading your original submissions!

“The Careless Ravens of Suede”
Boiling sky, powdery sea,
Velvet sun, ebony moon,
Screaming ice, emerald air,
Wooden laughter, midnight noon.
Through the heights of depth are soaring
Memories ‘til now affording
Solace from the whispers roaring
Ceaselessly from thoughts a-warring.
Right is inner child release,
Unbridled passion’s expertise.
Two plus lemonade is peace,
And truth a silent tune.

So there you have the five rules of TJOT that are sure to make your career as a postmodern poet a success—or my name’s not Olivia Vande… um, Kari Atalla.

Wow.

Dear Pastors…

2011-10-14T15:34:00.001-06:00

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs." He said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep.

John 21:15-17

Christian Bookstore

2011-10-07T20:31:00.001-06:00

Please visit the discernment corner at Such Was I.

Mom Style Coffee Cream

2011-09-29T14:45:00.001-06:00

Are you a mom? Do you like coffee?

Check out this new brand of flavored coffee cream!

Mom Style!

Toy car
Dirty crayon
Baby slobber
Booger fingers
Used kleenex
Random bits of food surprise

And we all know about hot coffee and iced coffee but have you ever experienced the delight of luke-warm coffee?

Get it now and have your coffee: Mom Style!

Fallacious Blanket Statement

2011-09-21T23:33:00.001-06:00

Marsy-Lou Bakes Cookies

2011-09-10T22:46:00.000-06:00

Marsy-Lou Gets Some Cereal

2011-09-05T14:06:00.000-06:00

Marsy-Lou Cleans the Kitchen

2011-09-03T21:00:00.001-06:00

New Term: Mint Jelly Carrier

2011-08-24T15:04:00.003-06:00

Please read What Is Going on with John Piper? at the Such Was I blog.

A Precious Moment with marusha

2011-08-23T01:22:00.004-06:00

For the reason why, please go to this ------> video <------ and start watching at just before the 20 minute mark.