mary mary commentary

this moment

2012-01-27T10:29:00.003-06:00

{this moment, a soulemama tradition}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

murmur, murmur

2012-01-26T10:50:00.000-06:00

So much for my goal of blogging more often -- but I have an excuse! We have had a run of bad luck -- not just coming in threes, but going on and on, day after day, for more than two weeks! Nothing catastrophic, mind you, I am thankful and aware of how nice our lives are, however it was starting to feel like we were slightly cursed:

old van breaks down
kitchen cupboard falls off and can't be reattached because everything is stripped
vacuum stops sucking
other kitchen cupboard falls off because the #$? kids are always leaning on them no matter how many times I say not to -- blast them!
have to return ipad to ISU (my precious)
Phin climbs up on top of dresser and pulls down hanging shelf, breaking everything on it!
my back goes out -- can't sit, walk, hold baby, stuff like that
our new van gets rear ended
the computer won't turn on at all -- officially disconnected from the world
Phin gets stomach flu (Sunday)
Lucy gets stomach flu (Monday)
Mom and Archie get stomach flu (Tuesday) -- I was down and out without netflix or anything -- I know, it was like a nightmare! And Archie lost some of his cheek bulk, so, so, sad. It was, however, heavenly to just lay in bed with my baby all day napping and cooing to each other...

But now it's Thursday and I have confidence in sunshine, that spring will come again, and that we'll all feel right as rain! Things are coming together: we traded in the van, although it's sad to see the two van era come to an end; the computer was an easy fix and is back on the desk (it looked so sad and empty); the vacuum is still under warranty and will be back in two weeks (!); no one has vomited in almost 24 hours; (update: I think Ella is down...); I completely removed the cupboard doors and put up pillow cases -- anything is better than seeing inside the cupboards; I read a book -- amazing how much time that ipad was sucking up; the new van should be able to be mended pretty easily; and I went to the chiropractor yesterday morning for the second time this week.

Speaking of curses, Ibby informed us that she made a deal with Rumplestiltskin and since all magic comes with a price we were paying for it! That explains everything.

::Archie month 5

hair-y karey

2012-01-19T13:58:00.001-06:00

Since the baby hit about 3 months old my hair has been falling out in droves (does that make sense? a LOT). As a result, it is so thin and difficult to make it look nice. For the past few weeks I've been using hot rollers -- yes, I did have a dusty collection way in the back of the linen closet -- which has helped, but after a few hours it looks limp and sad. No one wants to look pathetic... so I've been thinking about cutting it all off and then we started watching the show "Once Upon a Time" and Mary Margaret's hairstyle is so cute it inspired me to just go ahead and do it! Well, I wanted to look like this:

And instead I look like this:

It took me a while to find her picture, but aren't you glad I did? Remember her? Funny story about this, I remember watching this movie on t.v. with my sister, Ellen, when I was six and it made the most tremendous impression on me -- imprisoned for 25 years for a loaf of bread! -- and then when I was in high school I picked up Les Miserables and there were Jean Valjean and Cosette, like long lost friends -- I had had no idea what the story was called. Anyway, I digress, but the fact is, all I can think of when I look in the mirror is that I wanted to look cute and instead I look like poor, destitute Fantine. It even sticks up in the same places. All I need now is a stained, gray nightgown to complete the pretty picture. I thought the hairstylist knew what I was talking about, but all around it is much too short, much too much like a boy haircut, and very choppy. Aaagh! And $40 later I still look pathetic, lovely.

this moment

2012-01-13T17:00:00.003-06:00

{this moment, a soulemama tradition}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

order envy

2012-01-10T17:28:00.001-06:00

It seems like every year at this time magazines are brimming with advice on how to be more organized (yes, this means that I have succumbed to subscribing to those again, which is not helping my cluttering ways (woes?)), but I can't help but get all excited as they regurgitate the same information over and over -- use baskets! transform a closet into an office! label everything! hide everything! get rid of everything! I can do that! Except that I can never find baskets that fit in those spaces, and I don't have a closet to transform, wouldn't that be awesome? And I seem to have a labeling disability since I've had two dozen matching spice jars waiting for me to fill them and label them for at least two years -- I even found a template for stickers to apply to their lids, but haven't managed to buy the right paper at an office supply store. And I'd love to hide everything, but that takes us back to the extra closet issue, and I'd really love to get rid of everything, but as nice as that sounds it isn't completely reasonable since we acquired those things for a reason and use at least some of them occasionally (14 pairs of baby legs, mmmm). Sigh!

I did, however, tackle one very troublesome spot. More than a spot really -- my whole bedroom! I like my room to be serene, a place to get away from the chaos and bedlam, so I've painted it a calming color and try to keep it tidy, but recently we added yet another human being to the mix and sadly, there wasn't really anywhere to stuff him and his paraphernalia (cloth diapers, muslin blankets, baby legs!) besides our room. Last spring I went through a brief period of obsession about dressers, but quickly realized that we didn't really have room for a dresser, and not only that, someone was going to leave within a year and then we wouldn't really need the extra furniture. I won't go into the details of who might be leaving the nest, it's really just too sad to mention (or even contemplate for that matter). So, knowing in the back of my mind that we would really only have to get through one year I decided to just use baskets for the baby's clothes, diapers, burp rags, blankets, shoes, wipes, toys (whew! babies have a lot of c?!#) -- without remembering that although those things may be tiny and adorable, they still take up quite a bit of space and after a few weeks my bedroom was anything but tranquil and serene -- it looked a lot like a baby store had thrown up in there! What to do? My lovely next door neighbor is expecting a baby and she bought some storage with baskets from Ikea and is using the top for a changing table -- Hallelujah! I could practically feel the breeze from the angels flying above my head! It was exactly the thing for my conundrum and can be used in other parts of the house later.

She has one big shelf with eight openings, but I bought the two with four so that it can be more flexible later. They hold everything and I have never had a changing table before! I have always changed my babies' diapers on the floor, but I have gotten way too old for that kind of nonsense -- I can barely get all the way up by myself let alone while holding someone -- so that is an added luxury. I have dreamed up so many different ways of using it in the future I just might have to get some more.

I guess "they" were right -- putting everything in baskets! and hiding everything! really does work. Now if I can just find big enough baskets for the children. I've already labelled them.

off with a BANG!

2012-01-06T14:27:00.001-06:00

A few years ago I saw that some people were choosing a word to be a theme, as it were, for the year. I thought that was a great idea and chose one for that year, but haven't done it since. Last week I started getting so excited for the new year -- fresh start, clean slate, new resolve! And thought I should come up with a word again, but, alas, the only word I could come up with was "Bleh." Not very inspiring.

For a New Year's surprise we thought it would be fun to go on a little trip and so we very spontaneously went to the Wisconsin Dells for Monday and Tuesday. I guess we are true Midwesterners now! We stayed at Great Wolf Lodge and the kids played in the indoor water park for hours and hours. The trip up there was a little laborious as we stopped for frequent potty and nursing breaks, and I got a mild toothache from gritting my teeth while Charles careened up the freeway, but other than that we had a grand time. So that was the good BANG.

The bad BANG was that on the second day of the new year when I was so determined to be a new and better person I not only ate way too many chips, but I did something terrible to someone. I forgot that we had piano lessons on Monday. I didn't remember on Friday night when we made our reservations. I didn't remember on Saturday when I bought supplies. I didn't remember on Sunday when we packed our bags. I didn't remember on Monday when we raced each other down the water slides. I didn't remember until I saw a phone message from our teacher at 11:30 that night and I groaned as I listened to her annoyed voice. I decided to call her in the morning, but she beat me to it. First thing in the morning I saw that it was her and reluctantly said hello. She asked if we were alright and I said yes, we had just spontaneously decided to go out of town. Then she asked if I had offended her in some way. What? Like I completely forgot out of malice? LIke I did remember, but didn't care that I was making someone drive to my house and wasn't going to be there? No, no, I just forgot! It was a holiday, Matthew decided to take some time off (he still worked up there), and when we're off schedule I sometimes get confused about time. She told me that she had left a family gathering to come to my house and could've spent more time with her sister who lives in Virginia. That is so frustrating! I totally understand why she would be upset! She then said this had happened before and how could we make sure it didn't happen again? I remembered that when I had a four day old baby the kids went to the children's museum and weren't there for their lesson. Sorry! I think the only way to make sure it doesn't happen is for her to stop teaching us, not that I want her to. She is incredibly nice and it is wonderful that she comes to our house. That might be part of the problem, that I don't have to think about going somewhere so I forget -- I am often slightly surprised when I see her at the door -- but I miss other things, too, like orthodontist appointments, picking up kids, etc. so she shouldn't take it personally. I got off the phone with her, crying, and yelled at my family, "Did anyone remember that we had piano lessons?" No one did, but it fell on my shoulders, of course.

At any rate I just felt so badly about the whole thing! I walked around the entire second day at the resort with a sick feeling in my stomach wondering what I could have done differently because I didn't do anything on purpose to be so incredibly rude. And the only conclusion that I could reach is that I'm just lame. No excuses there, just truth. And I do want to do and be better, but sometimes the list of my faults seems too overwhelmingly extensive. Where do I even start with resolutions for the new year? Procure a new brain, if possible?
Bleh.

wrapping up

2011-12-30T14:28:00.002-06:00

I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas! We had another lovely day, and it was so nice to be able to go to church in the morning. We've spent the week playing games, eating, and enjoying each other -- very nice and relaxing.

::our annual line-up by age -- isn't Ella tall?

::looking at her loot

::Phin was most amazed be the fruit in his stocking!

::checking out a new book

::ARCHIE!

::Ibby liked Phin's toys best

::looking cool in some new shades and cap

What a wonderful year this has been -- especially welcoming our little Archie into the family. He is such a blessing!

::Here is his 4 month picture

::and sporting the sweater and cap grandma made for him -- so sweet!

Happy New Year to everyone!

the terrible twos threes

2011-12-07T16:01:00.010-06:00

I have never had much trouble from my two year olds -- it seems like they are just cute and fun to be around, curious about the world and learning new things every day. I actually really like three year olds, too, there is just one three year old in particular who is causing all manner of distress around here and I am fairly certain that it has more to do with a certain plump baby than an age, but we don't want anyone carrying around that heavy burden of guilt, so we'll lay the blame at the feet of normal developmental stages. I really had it better than I deserved, with Phin often playing for hours with his trains or legos, or just bopping around whatever I was doing, but then his world was turned upside down and a mere two weeks later all of his playmates went to school. It seems like he never quite recovered and we've had a bit of a rough autumn as I get used to my new boy while he figures out his place in the universe. Last week while I was nursing the baby, it was very quiet for quite some time. I hoped for the best and decided not to worry about what was going on, but the best was not to be. When I went to Phin's room he had gotten into a lip gloss that I had given to Lucy only the day before and squished it out liberally all around the room -- on bedspreads, clothes, and of course, his endearing little face. Well, it wasn't endearing enough because I got mad! Really mad. Far more than it deserved (although it didn't come out of the fabric items, so it was fairly serious, right?). There were tears on both sides and I felt terrible. I hate when I lose my temper!!! What is my problem?!? Deep breath. So the very next day I had to feed the baby again. A few times even. And you'll never guess what happened -- almost the exact same thing! This time he had stacked a stool on a chair (he had to work harder since I had given the girls a lecture on keeping their things out of his reach) and gotten into a cute little make-up kit that Ibby had gotten for her birthday. It was even more exciting because there were several fun colors involved, including a lovely bright blue. Well, I got angry again and while I was stomping around trying to clean up the mess I kept thinking to myself, and probably vocalizing a smidgen with some nice low muttering, "Why oh why doesn't he ever learn? Doesn't he remember that he got into trouble yesterday (and lots of other times recently)? Why is he having the same reaction (making a mess) to the same stimulus (tempting bright, gooey things) even though I have made myself more than perfectly clear that that is not okay?! Didn't the bad feelings of being punished make any headway into his consciousness?" And then I completely stopped in my tracks as I had an epiphany, as it were. I realized that I never learn either. For years I have been getting mad at my kids about stupid things and then feeling terrible afterward. Why haven't those pangs of regret and remorse changed me into more of the person that I want to be? The kind, long-suffering, ever patient, yet fun-loving, madonna? I don't know! I do think I am better than I used to be, but I still understood, for that moment anyway, that I can't expect a mischievous, slightly bored and very displaced, little boy to learn all of those lessons and be more mature than his mother, can I? So I am determined to do better and over the past couple of days since we've gotten out the Christmas things and he has undone vignettes, relieved nutcrackers of their swords, smashed glass ornaments, and shattered a snow globe, you'll be happy to hear that I didn't even bat an eye -- they're just twitching a tiny bit.

babies!!!! (and all their cute stuff)

2011-11-30T09:51:00.003-06:00

When Archie was one month old I suddenly decided that I really wanted to find the cute onesies that said how old they were on them because I'd seen some of my students' babies with them, but didn't know where to get such a thing. I found a couple of websites where you could buy iron on decals, etc. but that seemed too complicated, and besides my husband thought it was one of the most ridiculous things he'd ever heard of. I value his opinion, of course, but sometimes I need to realize that we are not the same and it's okay if we don't agree (speaking of that wonderful man, it's his birthday today!!! He's getting old). Unfortunately, that is not always the first conclusion I come to and instead just do what he suggests whilst stewing about what I really want. I went to Hobby Lobby last week (to buy some things for my mantle to make it more interesting, but then after getting it all home decided it seemed too contrived), and found these cute month stickers -- how easy is that!!! I know I missed the first two, but I squeezed in the third while he was still technically three months, and can use the rest. Aaah, isn't he sweet?

One important thing my spouse is completely correct about is that I really need to rein in the spending because the cost of aiding and abetting six children through their college careers is looming large before us. Funny how I didn't think about that at all when Ella was three months old... I feel so disjointed as I quickly finish changing a diaper to run down and help Ella finish up some of her college applications. So I am going to try and do better, BUT (that was a big but) I have such a hard time resisting diapers. There is this one brand that my friend refers to as the cadillac of cloth diapers:

They are luscious minky on the outside and soft, absorbent bamboo on the inside. I first bought some on the diabolical website Baby Steals -- the one where a new amazing deal pops up twice a day and all you have to do is hit one innocent little button flashing "steal me, steal me" coquettishly, and it comes to your house all wrapped up in a brown package! I've only had two for a couple of months and I loved them right from the start. On Sunday morning Matthew and I had a long heart to heart about being more frugal and I am completely on board, truly! But while I was nursing the baby I decided to browse through facebook and someone posted, "Itti bitti tuttos on baby steals today." Oh, I wasn't even going to go to the website that day because I don't believe in shopping on Sunday! With wrenching heart and clenching stomach I just had to look, hoping there were still some left while also hoping they'd be gone so I wouldn't have to make the difficult choice. I had gotten there soon enough and almost everything was still available (within 30 minutes I think most of them were gone). I wasn't going to buy anything else, anything, but this was different and I just had to do it. I bought three more diapers because they were such an amazing deal! It didn't matter that I had recently sworn off consumerism and all of its evils. It didn't matter that it was Sunday. I even started thinking how sad it is that I won't be having more children to wear these breathtaking diapers, and how unfortunate it was that I would have to potty train Archie someday because I just want a reason to use these for years! What am I thinking? Complete irrationality has taken over. THAT is how awesome these diapers are!!! To make myself feel better I called my fellow diaper junkie to tempt her, be a bad influence, etc. etc. but she resisted. I need just an ounce of that kind of courage and resolve.

thanksgiving!

2011-11-29T16:48:00.002-06:00

I do love Thanksgiving and I was happy that we were able to host a boisterous crowd at our house -- reminds me of the good ole' days. We had eight adults and sixteen children, so not quite up to the Farnsworth family numbers, but it will do to help me not feel so homesick. Everyone helped bring lots of yummy food, the two younger girls helped set the tables and make place cards, Ella made some appetizers, and Charles made a green bean casserole with no help from anyone. The two youngest did their part with Phin busily undoing most of the preparations as they happened and Archie perching on my back not sleeping the entire day. I am so glad that we have a time to reflect on our blessings, although I do try to do a bit of that every day. I have so much and the season reminds me to make a renewed effort to be a better steward of what I have been given. Here's to resolve!

I never manage to find time to write in my blog anymore -- it's so sad! And I really don't think about it during the day, but at night I have composed some wonderful posts. You should all come join me then, because by morning they have vanished -- poof!

I went to the dentist this morning and had to take the baby with me. I just didn't know six months ago when I made the appointment that Matthew would be teaching at that time on Tuesday mornings -- silly me! So I dropped Phin off at a friend's and wondered how it would all work, but baby did great. He determinedly concentrated on grabbing a toy, with his eyes crossed for good measure, throughout most of the scaling portion of the visit, but every once in a while he would gurgle adorably and the technician would gaze at him affectionately. This is all very endearing to a mother, of course, except that she was madly digging at my teeth with some very sharp instruments, not missing a single beat, while she looked away. I would will her eyes back to the task at hand, but soon they would veer back to the baby, all the while scraping, scraping, scraping and coming perilously close to my tender gums -- I may be a proponent of natural childbirth, but I definitely prefer kinder, gentler dentistry. He didn't quite make it all the way through, sitting upright on my tummy during the cleaning and exam, smiling and talking to everyone who happened by. And who wouldn't smile at the reaction he was getting -- you would think they had never seen a baby before! "Look at those chubby cheeks!" "He has so much hair!" He is pretty cute, in my own humble opinion.

my constant companions

2011-11-22T16:56:00.001-06:00

1000 words

2011-11-08T11:28:00.001-06:00

I seldom like to buy school pictures because they never look very good, so this year, since I have a new camera, I thought I'd try my hand at taking some pictures of the kids myself -- because a good camera makes me a professional, right? I loved that post on "Seriously So Blessed" -- training shmaining, I can take pictures, and I'm going to buy a scalpel and open up a surgery in the garage -- so funny!!! Here are some of the pics that we took last week.

I don't know. I should probably get photo shop and learn how to use that, too. I've also been looking at all of our photos from our trip to Europe and thinking of making books for the kids for Christmas. We have so many bad pictures -- blurry, dark, etc. Oh, well. C'est la vie! What companies have you liked for photo books?

halloween

2011-11-01T10:38:00.002-05:00

There go the tornado sirens! I am always so surprised when they go off, jumping a little and thinking, what on earth??? But then I remember that they are tested on the first Tuesday of every month at 10:00, yet another reminder that my life is ticking away at slow and regular intervals. There have been three since the baby came, but he still feels so new and fresh -- it can't be!

::Speaking of fresh, he was a crisp from the garden chili pepper for halloween

::Isn't he gorgeous?

::Phin was a rocket and when I would ask, "What do you say?" meaning "trick or treat" he would either make a rocket sound or say "you're welcome." Then we would jettison off to the next house -- it was very amusing to go with him. When Matthew went back home to pass out candy (we had left Charles in charge and he had simply turned out the light -- when we noticed, Matthew was embarrassed) he said that he really missed being with Phin, which I thought was very sweet.

::I didn't get very good pictures of the girls -- a queen, and a pixie -- which I guess is what you get when you're not the littlest anymore

Phin just asked if he could see pictures of him getting candy, but I had to disappoint and tell him that we haven't chronicled every single moment of his life. His sticky candy face has pieces of lint stuck to it right now because we started on the candy first thing this morning. I had to pull a chocolate tootsie pop out of his mouth and insist that he eat a whole wheat english muffin and a glass of milk before the gorging began. I let them eat what they want for a few days before I confiscate it, which is meaner than my mom who let us keep it in our rooms for months -- I was one of those who paced myself and ate a little bit each day. Ugh, I already feel sick. Phin is being so sweet offering me reeses pieces and candy corn, but if I'm going to be eating sugar I need it to be yummier than that. We had a trunk or treat last week so they've all already been eating candy every day, lazily scattering the wrappers pell mell around the house -- because you can't just be a glutton without the accompaniment of disorder and chaos, can you?

gambling man

2011-10-30T14:51:00.001-05:00

I have often been heard to say that I never win anything, because I really don't. I can enter any contest and be quite sure that the end result will be "not winning" -- but recently I did win something! It was so exciting! I entered a giveaway on a facebook page for cloth diapering moms and I won this cute pair of "longies." It took very little effort to click "like" so I didn't really feel like I was taking too big a risk.

::I love the cable down the side -- she made these in about two days!

::oooh, isn't he snuggly? I can't stand it!

However, there are some things that I have done that have taken a lot more sweat and tears to achieve with results that have been even more chancy and I realize that as far as taking a gamble I have "won" a lot. Marrying a 22 year old student who had had five different majors and who was currently on academic probation, full of hopes to be able to make a living doing music, while I was a naive 20 year old sounds like a crazy thing to do (why did my parents allow it?), but look at us living the life now -- by any indicator we've won! Deciding to trek across the country to Dartmouth could have been disastrous, moving to Japan was a very bold choice and there were definitely struggles there, and don't even get me started on deciding to have children -- we've played the lottery six times (well, more, but that's a different topic) and just look at the results -- definite success. Each choice comes with certain odds of winning or losing, everything that we do is a gamble, and more correctly an act of faith, and I can see by taking just a moment to reflect that my wins far outnumber my losses -- I am a lucky girl indeed. Perhaps I should take that karma and try my hand over at the riverboats...

photo up(over)load

2011-09-29T09:21:00.001-05:00

I've been remiss in posting pictures of our little Archie so I'll try to catch up a little bit here.
::t - 5 days; 41 weeks pregnant

::not the best picture, but you can see that he is tongue tied

::four days old

::seven days old

::eleven days old

::two weeks old

::three weeks old

::he's always thought he was big enough to hold his head -- from the first day!

::four weeks old

::blessing day

::five weeks old

::six weeks old

::seven weeks old; matching boys -- I bought the tiny one at goodwill and my friend said she had a matching shirt Phin's size in her closet -- perfect!

::I love how Phin is still trying to smile even though the baby's crying is stressing him out!

He sleeps a lot and still makes the cute newborn purring sounds. He is super sweet!

boys will be boys

2011-09-28T11:39:00.004-05:00

I have a baby who likes to be held all the time. It makes it difficult to do the important things like get on facebook and write in my blog, let alone the more trivial tasks like laundry, dishes, and brushing my teeth. Right now he is cozied up on the boppy on my lap. Let's hope he doesn't roll off.

I know this is my last baby (that I want anyway) so I have been going crazy buying cute baby stuff! I'm trying to control myself, but my friend Internet knows I have a baby and keeps sending me wonderful offers that are hard to refuse. And Internet makes it so easy to purchase the amazing deals -- usually all I have to do is press a virtual button and in a few days it shows up on my doorstep. I didn't even have to go anywhere! Which is good since baby doesn't really like the car because I can't hold him for a few moments -- truly nightmarish in his opinion.

I did leave the house a couple of weeks ago to add to my fluffy diaper stash. There is a local shop in someone's house so I went over to round things out. I was enjoying talking to the owner when another customer came in with her little boy. He was a few months younger than Phin and was acting like what he is -- a male preschooler, but she was on his case the entire time. She pretty much kept her mouth running the whole time she was there so I just sat down in a rocking chair to watch and wait it out. "So I'm having a baby and I want a few newborn things. My son won't let the baby wear his diapers so I need some more things. Precious! Precious boy, don't jump. Don't jump! We don't jump. I was thinking of some bamboo or hemp doublers. Coleman! Coleman Joseph! We don't do that. (Looking at me) Does your son like to jump? I'm always telling him not to jump. I bought some of those diapers, but that is because my daughter wanted those, but they are kind of expensive so can I return them?" Blah, blah, blah. Okay, you can't hear her voice which is a shame because when she called her son "precious boy" it was high-pitched and very grating, but perhaps you can see that on the one hand she's allowing her children to be very controlling by even caring whether the little boy wants the baby to use his old diapers and giving into her 5 year olds daughter's wishes for buying a really expensive diaper. On the other hand, she was being overly strict with her little boy and thought that him wanting to jump down one step was way beyond the pale. When she asked me if Phin jumps, I managed to fit in that yes, he jumps all the time, before she went prattling on again. After observing her unrealistic expectations with her son for a moment I asked her if she knew the gender of her next baby and she said that it is a boy. Heaven help her poor sons! Hopefully she'll mellow out.

It made me wonder if I'm too lenient, but for the most part I think it's okay to let boys climb, jump off things, run their little hearts out, bat sticks at one another... Of course, I don't like guns at all -- not even water or bubble guns -- because then they walk around talking about killing people which is really not okay with me. Charles would improvise by bending a barbie in half and shooting with her legs and Phin mostly uses his fingers and sometimes the bike pump, so I'm still being shot at on a daily basis, but at least I'm not condoning or encouraging it, which is worth something I imagine. Hopefully it is the super fun sound effects which drives their behavior rather than a latent desire to be rid of me.

quilt pics

2011-09-02T18:00:00.003-05:00

Fara kindly sent along the photos she took of the stunning quilt so here they are:

Isn't it amazing? I am tempted to just put it on the wall, but we have been using it in his bassinet a little bit. You can see on one of the leaves she wrote Arthur's name and birthdate, but I hadn't even filled out the birth certificate yet! I was still hesitant on the name (still am a little bit), but there was no going back after that.

Oh, I just noticed how well it matches my blog background -- it just goes to show how well she knows me and what colors I would like the best!

eight days a week

2011-08-30T14:55:00.002-05:00

I know I must look quite like a woman of leisure sitting in a chair all day long doing sudoku puzzles, reading magazines -- oh, and nursing! I had forgotten that it is a 24 hour endeavor keeping a newborn alive. He is just so busy all the time and everything he does is completely breathtaking -- working so hard at expelling waste with a serious expression complete with furrowed brow, taking lots of naps (mostly on mommy), and looking around in a panic the minute his eyes open as if to say, "I'm awake, why aren't I eating???" and then his little jaw pumping so efficiently. From the sound of things that may be where we are right at moment. I may have to take a little break here.

Okay. We're back. It is very ironic because although I am exhausted from my new sleeping schedule, I have much more energy than I did when pregnant. Now I can actually think of doing something and then go do it instead of staring into space! Except when I am stuck in a chair with a baby who won't let me put him down, which is pretty much always, thus leaving me frustrated and gritting my teeth whilst I stare into space. Alas, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Last week I decided to take a shower (I know! Lofty goals around here!) I told Ibby to poke her head in and let me know if the baby started crying. I needed to soak something in the sink so I did that and then jumped in. I figured as long as I was in there I should just clean the bathtub since the baby was sleeping anyway, but then when I turned off the water I could hear two disturbing things: 1. Very frantic screaming, like it had been going on for some time and 2. Water still running. I had left the sink on and it had overflowed all through the bathroom and even out into the hall! And when I questioned why no one had told me the baby was crying -- "Oh, I forgot," was the casual reply. He was so loud and in the very next room! Why does that sound only bother me? I quickly tried to put something on and take care of baby first and worry about the flood later. That is pretty much how well the household is running.

I had to take the baby to his two week appointment so I called the day before and said:

"Hello, my baby will be two weeks old tomorrow and I would like to set a time to bring him in."
"Has he been in before?"
"No. What time will be good tomorrow?"
"You didn't bring him in when he was four days old?"
"No, I had just had a baby and stayed home."
"How old did you say he was?"
"He'll be two weeks old tomorrow. So when can I bring him in?"
"Didn't the doctor tell you to bring him in the first week?"
"He did! And I didn't! Can I make an appointment for tomorrow or not!?"

Golly jeepers! It's not like it is a crime to not bring your baby in on the exact day that doctor told you to. Or is it...? She seemed like it was, but after my abruptness she was much nicer. Don't mess with a sleep-deprived, hormone ridden new mother! So I took him in and they told me to sit in the newborn waiting room, I imagine to avoid the germs in the waiting room, and I get to share the room with a new mother and her friend, enveloped in cigarette fumes, and the friend hacking and sniffling (is there a better word for full on mucus inhalation than sniffling, because I need one) away. I would've felt much more comfortable with the feverish toddlers in the other room thank you very much. Then the doctor is alarmed that the baby hasn't returned to his birth weight (which is very normal, or has he really not been confronted with that before?) and forcefully suggests that I obviously am not making enough milk, no one really can for such a big baby, and should supplement with formula. Inside I was yelling, "Are you kidding me? Do you really think that I will ever make enough milk if I am ignorant enough to take your advice? And are you going around telling all new mothers this? And we wonder why people don't breastfeed longer. Get me out of here!" But he just saw my calm exterior as I smiled and nodded. I am the picture of self-control.

So that is the scoop. Things are going swimmingly.

not my idea

2011-08-15T14:52:00.004-05:00

So I was officially released from my calling as RS president yesterday and one would think that I would be as pleased as punch, but I am really so sad about it. I guess that proves that I am certifiably insane! I've been crying all day. It just feels so premature, so unfinished, so half-baked... I didn't get my chance to shine and magnify! I just figured out I have an inbox in the clerk's office for pete's sake! We've been joking that I should have been referred to as the interim president the whole time, "I'm just filling in until they find the right person," or as simply the pregnant president since it spanned from the first day I knew until the week he was born. I had so many plans! So many great ideas! And I wasn't going to be pregnant anymore! The bishop claims that I am not being fired, and that it has more to do with Matthew's new calling as early morning seminary teacher + new baby + already having too many kids and he just didn't want to overburden our family when there are plenty of other people in our ward. Fine. Whatever.

The new president is coming over today to get the all the fun "stuff" that is required. All last night I kept dreaming that she was coming to take the baby and I had to pack up all of his clothes and diapers, etc. Matthew said it represents that my true calling is as a mother. Ooh, deep.

Now I have to worry about what is next, but not say the callings I don't want out loud, if you know what I mean.

spoiled rotten

2011-08-12T16:53:00.004-05:00

One week ago today something momentous happened -- I was no longer pregnant and/or giving birth. Hooray! And it's a good thing because I was acquiring a very bad attitude about the whole thing. Now from the distance of a few days, I have been reflecting on all of my many blessings and how much attention I have received from so many people. I was very sad that my mom couldn't come this time, for very good reasons, but everything is going very well. I didn't really expect much for my sixth child -- I feel positively doted upon!

1. My lovely friends threw a joint shower for my friend and I and it was so nice! I was a little hesitant at first because believe it or not, I really don't enjoy being the center of attention. Now, of course, if I'm relating a completely hilarious anecdote, I do not mind all eyes on me in the least :). Because of our amazing garage sale prowess, my friend and I both did not really need the little baby essentials, so everyone was so kind and generously gave us both money to buy something bigger for the babies. Thank you so much everyone! I put my money toward these two things:

2. Dinners have been coming in all week -- and they've all been so healthy and delicious, with dessert to boot. One kind person even brought me dinner a couple of weeks ago which was very nice for an over-pregnant person. It makes me realize how much I desperately need a live-in cook!

3. My family has been so attentive. They bring me meals in bed, ice water on demand, hold the baby (what a chore that is!), and are letting me relax and recover without having to worry about anything. Today the two older kids are gone (Ella's been at camp all week, so she missed baby's first week, so sad) and Matthew took the three younger ones to Chicago. All is quiet and serene... a magical gift.

4. My sweet friend made me the most gorgeous quilt -- I still can't believe that a. she went to all the effort for little old me and b. that she actually gave it to me and that I now own it. I was trying to put the pictures that she took up here, but I guess you'll have to go to facebook to see it. Or I may just have to take my own pictures, but then I'd have to get the camera, then find the thing-y to download it to the computer ... It may not happen. Or maybe she'll just send me her actual files because you really have to see it! I really think it may be the nicest gift I've ever been given (apologies in advance to those who have given me something amazing that I seem to have forgotten about at the moment). Thank you dear friend!

5. And of course, I feel the very most spoiled (read blessed) by the incredibly soft, velvety miracle that I have been snuggling for the last seven days. He is so sweet! Thank you, thank you for him. I feel so fortunate!

Arthur "Archie" Winfield Smith born August 5, 2011

9 pounds 11 ounces

still standing

2011-08-01T08:50:00.008-05:00

We seem to have arrived at 41 weeks no worse for wear. This summer we had 7 pregnant ladies in our ward, all due within about 8 weeks, 6 of the babies were boys. It's been fun to all be expecting together, especially since there was only one baby born all last year. The first two were June, both scheduled c-sections, babies healthy and getting big already. The other five of us were due within about two weeks of each other. I was due last Sunday, but we know what's happening with that. One came last Monday, three weeks early, one came Tuesday with another scheduled c-section, and one was due tomorrow, but she went into labor on Saturday night and her baby was stillborn. I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, and I feel helpless. What can you do for someone in a situation like that? Especially when you feel like you're the last person they would ever want to see again. She made it all the way to the end. Out of all of us, I would venture to say that she had the hardest time getting pregnant, and she had had a miscarriage in the last year. It is just so sad. I worry for her. I'm worried about her going home with empty arms to a house all prepared for a baby -- we had a baby shower for her just two weeks ago. I'm worried about every time she gets some junk mail that says, "Your baby is ___ months old now." I'm worried about her ever wanting to come back to church with five baby boys all the exact same age as hers. I'm worried that she won't ever want to try to have another baby. I'm worried I could never possibly say the right thing. I'm worried about my baby. Her baby was perfect. Wouldn't it be easier if there had been something really wrong? When I heard the news, all I wanted to do was rush over and hug her, try to take away some of the hurt, cry with her, but she understandably wants privacy. We all want to do something, but this one will take someone more powerful than us -- and time. I hardly know what to think. My friend wrote a beautiful post here, much better than I can put into words right now.

It is a tragedy and it makes all of the other nuisances of life pale in comparison.

burrs in my saddle

2011-07-27T08:03:00.001-05:00

Is it just me, or are a lot of people completely irritating? It is probably just me. Me, the belly, and the temperature. Would you like to hear some examples from the past few days? (Why, yes, please!)

At swimming lessons I was told by the director that my kids could use kickboards and other toys in the baby pool, as she pointed out where they were located. So, every time we go we grab a couple of things to use and then put them back when we're finished. Last week we made our usual trip to the absolute opposite side of the pool (very arduous for me, keep in mind, since it is very far and extremely hot in there since it is indoor and we're baking under the skylights) to get some things and I hear someone yelling at me. I turn around in confusion and see an older lady instructor, in the middle of teaching a lesson, screaming at me that I can't use the kickboards. I kind of shout back that we're just taking it back to the baby pool to be a boat. She says, "No can do, they're dangerous if you don't use them right -- they're only for swimming laps." I look down and see that I am in my swimming suit and will be right next to Phin in the pool, if she is really worried about his safety, she doesn't need to be. I decide not to push it and move on and ask him if he'd like to choose a noodle. Then I hear someone yelling at me again. Really? I turn around and she screams, "Those are only for kids taking lessons. You can't use those at all." I get up some gumption and tell her that the director told me herself that I could use those things, but she just yelled back so I simply grabbed Phin's hand and stalked off. I can't compete with such obnoxiousness. I don't know her, I don't want to talk to her, her students are probably drowning while she's worried about what I'm doing, I'm nine months pregnant... Easily cowed is what I am.

Next. We need a car with eight seats so we have spent the last few months trying to locate a good deal on a used minivan -- to no avail! There are no good deals out there at all, so we have come to the conclusion that it would probably be the best idea to just buy new since they're not losing their value. This is a new path for us so we were a little giddy as we traipsed down to the Toyota dealership, armed with information, to ask some questions and maybe go for a test drive. We walk in and there's a guy behind a desk. We wait for him to look up. Wait, wait. Finally he asks what we're interested in. A minivan. "You and everyone else," he replies charmingly. "Well, you can go out to the lot, I think there's one unlocked." Gee, thanks. So we go out and look around, there isn't one unlocked, no one comes out to talk to us, we decide to leave. The guy never got up from behind his desk! Hello, we'd like to spend $30,000, do you mind? This town is crazy when it comes to customer service.

Third. I was at the pool. We like to go in the late afternoon, early evening, because it isn't as crowded or as hot. It was about 5:15 and I look over and see a mom say to her little boy, "Close your eyes" and then proceed to spray his face with sunscreen. He was screaming! And she was just going for it. And I was shaking my head. 1. Can't you put some into your hand and gently put some on his face, carefully avoiding his eye area? 2. It is quite late in the day, do you realize how slim his chances are for being sunburned at this time? 3. Would you rather be slightly tan or BLIND?

Five minutes later I was playing in the pool and see a cute little family consisting of parents and 18 month old, or so, twin girls. Then I hear them yell out their girls' names: "Ila, don't go too far!" Oh, that's pretty. "Grayson, stay over here!" What? Is that not a boys name, meaning son of Gray or something? And I as observe more closely I see that favored, little Ila has blonde curly hair, and poor misused Grayson has straight, nondescript brown. Were we thinking? It is like a complex waiting to happen! It's probably spelled Graysyn. Blech!

I think I need to have this baby.

our story... is depressing

2011-07-26T15:54:00.002-05:00

You know it's bad when your pregnancy center update says, "Your baby: week 1." Tell me all about that, I'd love to know more. This happened with Phin, too and I never could convince them that I was still pregnant. I guess no one goes past their due date anymore, even though technically full-term is 38 to 42 weeks. Today I took the kids to the children's museum and someone asked me when I was due. I said I was past due and she started going on and on about how she was sure I was begging my doctor to induce, etc. I said no, I'd been induced once and never wanted to do that again. She then told me how she had never gone longer than two weeks before her due date and she was so uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah. Like I'm not uncomfortable - ha!

On Sunday evening the Nauvoo pageant core cast put on a performance here at ISU called "Our Story Goes On." I thought it was going to be like the pageant and include church history, but it really had no church songs or anything and was instead about families. It started with a woman having a baby, comparing her experience to her mother and grandmother before her, which is a theme I cherish, then it moved on to young parenthood, children leaving, parents dying -- you know, life. Real, down and dirty, life and I was literally (not metaphorically) bawling and thinking "life sucks." And I don't say that lightly because I abhor that word, okay? You can get all excited about a new baby, but you know it will last all of about one minute so what is the point? I kept trying to get control of myself, especially because I've got Phin staring up at my face, completely distraught, "Mommy sad?" "No," I reply through my tears, "Mommy is fine," as I shakily try to smile, but then they start singing Sunrise, Sunset and I am off again. You can see the lyrics here if you, too, would like a good cry. I think about Ella -- when did she get to be a beauty? And Charles -- when did he grow to be so tall? They were toddlers last week! And I have regrets. And then you mix all the emotion in with the contrasting thoughts of some days just being so long and tortuous. And then a whole part about parents growing older and returning to see their families again in heaven. My oh my. I feel like I have my finger in so many pies. Did we really shout for joy when we heard about this plan? I don't know ...

So I thought of a great retort when people ask me how I'm doing. And they're not just saying how are you, they're saying how ARE you, all inflected and sympathetic. I thought I would just say, "Great! Great with child, that is." Wanh, wah. Matthew didn't think it was funny either.

Up(due)dates

2011-07-20T11:08:00.001-05:00

There are a variety of reasons I haven't written for a while: We've been gone, it's summer and there is usually someone who wants to be on the computer, there hasn't been anything else too disgusting to report (isn't the theme fear factor?), I'm lazy... That about covers it. I've been trying to get everything squared away before the baby comes. I always do that, thinking that for the next year I won't be able to do anything, and then, surprisingly enough, find that I actually can leave the house with a baby and usually have a bit more energy than I do while pregnant. But with school starting so soon afterward I've been trying to get all the school registration, school shopping, physicals, etc. finished so we won't be running around at the last minute. I don't think I ever shared the hilarious story of Lucy getting her finger pricked to check her iron levels. Lucy was trying her best to look the other way and ignore what was happening, but the nurse kept talking about how much blood was coming out until it finally started having an effect and I noticed that Lucy was as white as a sheet. I quickly told her to lie down, but the nurse just grabbed her finger and kept squeezing. It was too late -- Lucy threw up all over the table. I ran over to help her, but started gagging and apologizing about how I was more sensitive because I'm pregnant, then I looked over and saw that Ibby was completely green so I opened the door and repeatedly asked her if she was going to lose it, gesturing toward the bathroom. In the meantime, the nurse was merely clearing away her tools and then reluctantly handed me some paper towels as her halfhearted effort in helping me clean up Lucy's mess. I did my best to clean off the table, telling Lucy to stay where she was until she didn't feel dizzy, Ibby wandered back in and laid down on the floor, Phin just looked baffled by all the uproar, and I sat down and surveyed the triage scene. No one came back in to check on us, no one offered to help me clean up anything, no one cared at all. Finally we slunked out of the office, with Lucy throwing up again on the way home. Phin thought it was all very exciting and keeps talking about it. The other night he came in my room and kept repeating what I thought was "I falling off." I couldn't understand, but he finally grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom where he proceeded to throw up. Ahh, "I frowing up." Wow. My only child who can successfully make it to the toilet with nary a mess anywhere else. I think he just ate something funny because he wasn't sick at all. I guess that story was pretty gross. I should post a warning on my blog.

So we are having such a nice summer. Someone mentioned the other day that school was starting in less than a month and I started my annual moan about how I hate school and they said that I was the only mother they'd ever met who felt that way. I know that a lot of my friends feel the same way that I do. I am DREADING school and how we'll have three separate start times, my husband will be teaching seminary and an 8:00 class so I won't be able to rely on him to help with the morning routine, and I just MIGHT be slightly tired and hormonal. We can do it!

Eleanor has had a nice little babysitting job and has been having a great time with friends. On Sunday she was called out of the audience to give a little impromptu talk in sacrament meeting. She was so calm and just walked up there with a big smile, made a joke about how she was asked to talk about Youth Conference, and gave a great talk. We were very proud of her. (If it had been me, there might have been more mention of vomit). That evening we went with her to get her patriarchal blessing. What a wonderful experience that was! We all felt the spirit very strongly. On the way home we asked her what her impressions were and she said, "I'm just relieved he didn't say that I already knew my future husband." Whew!

Charles is also babysitting this summer and doing a great job. He registered and paid for himself to run a 15K a few weeks ago and ran it in 1 hour and 1 minute, coming in 55th out of 800 people. He runs in the morning and evening and won't eat any sugar. We always knew he got obsessed about things, and are glad it is now something a little more productive than Runescape was when he was 11.

Lucy and Ibby find amazing things to do every day. They always have some grand scheme going on whether it be an art project, dressing up, or barbiepollyamericangirl world. And they entertain Phin to boot. I couldn't be happier.

Phin is just super cute. He loved seeing his grandparents and keeps talking about them. And everything he says is funny. A couple of days ago we were out driving and the car next to us had a dog sticking his head out the window, looking up with his mouth open. Phin said, "Mom, that doggie is eating the sky."

As for me, I'm not making many plans. Waiting, waiting, slightly apprehensive, but getting more ready and closer to surrendering -- willing to do whatever it takes. Still haven't thought of a name or packed a bag so perhaps I should get on that.

the mystery of the malodorous bedchamber

2011-06-20T13:28:00.002-05:00

It was a night much like other nights, in which I had gotten up multiple times to use the loo. Every time I returned to my bedroom I was hit by a horrible stench. After a moment, it would lose its potency, but every time I left and returned I would notice it again. I thought it must be something in the laundry basket since children as a whole can be a smelly bunch, so first thing in the morning I removed the whole thing... but the smell was still there. I began to investigate and finally moved a bag of clothes behind my door and found a wet diaper (Phin still wears one at night, no it wasn't that old) which hadn't quite made it to the trash bin. Aha! That must be it. It couldn't have been there very long, but it has been rather warm, so that explains the smell. I quickly took it downstairs, but when I next was in my room... the smell was still there. I scrubbed and scrubbed the floor where I had found the offending item, then I sprayed the whole room down with air freshener. That would help for a bit, but after a time it was obvious that... the smell was still there. Every day for three days I would try something new, but nothing was working, I even lifted up the recliner as best as I could alone, but only found some stray legos. Could one little diaper do so much damage that even the very walls had absorbed the stink? On Saturday we decided to take the room apart little by little. I would sweep the dust bunnies away while Matthew scrubbed the floors and walls with something stronger... but the smell was still there. I looked around and couldn't see what could possibly be so fragrant. My room really isn't that full of stuff so it just didn't make sense. Last thing, Matthew took off our mattress and box springs and we were both pleasantly surprised by how clean under our bed was. I washed all of the bedding, even the bedskirt, and we sprayed down every inch of the room with febreze. Even with all of those masking chemicals it truly seemed like the smell was getting worse and not better. Charles came in to help Matthew put the bed back together, first the box springs and then the mattress which had been propped against the wall. It started to slide forward pulling the carpet out from under the recliner with it. "AAAAAACK!" I shrieked, "There's a dead mouse over there!" And so there was. It had been under the carpet, under the recliner, and we had probably walked over (and ON) it many a time in our quest to solve the mystery. Ewww! Ella said that our cat must really consider us her masters since she brought the mouse to us, to which my husband replied, "If it is really my cat, then that means I can just get rid of her." I am sure that she offered it to us as a devoted oblation, but no thank you very much. Matthew swept it up and took it out and just like that -- poof! The smell had vanished. All day yesterday we kept talking about how lovely our room smells now, but it still makes me want to move to a different house a little bit.

There! Isn't that gross?