On this day, I say I am committed for one more day to live my value of nonviolence.  I hope you’ll join me.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cJOm72QDDA&feature=related

Warmest Holiday wishes to you,

Mary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRtc-k6dhgs&feature=share&mid=532910

The Multimedia Library contains 150+ trainer resources (more will be added on an ongoing basis!) that include:

• Recorded telecourses on a variety of topics
• MP3 and MP4 downloads
• Videotaped trainings
• Trainer Tips for living NVC
• Articles
• eBooks
• Online courses
• And More!

Now, in one place, you can find tips for sharing NVC to others, tips for living NVC, brush up on your NVC skills or simply receive comfort and nurturing from daily reminders of how NVC enhances your life and relationships.

Starting at $15/month, the price can’t be beat.

Please take a few moments to check out the new NVC Multimedia Library and all it has to offer!  I alone have 20 resources in the Library!

Mary

It is challenging to understand in an intellectual way that I have a part in something happening thousands of miles away.  And yet, I know that we are all one and interconnected; every action I take has an affect on others.

For me it is imperative that I remember this because it helps me live in greater honesty AND it reminds me that I can take active part in creating a world of peace and mutual respect.  Just by consciously choosing to add love and understanding to the situation (rather than hate or judgment), I am taking clear, positive action toward creating the peaceful world I want to live in.

Does this condone what Osama Bin Laden has done?  No.  Absolutely not.

Does it minimize the pain of people who lost loved ones on 9/11?  No.  I have great compassion and love for each person who experienced loss.

I am merely saying that I don’t think adding further anger and judgment to the situation is helpful.  I truly believe the world needs more love, tenderness and care to heal.  And, so this is what I am focused on providing.

Please join me!

Mary

We started by implementing a comprehensive survey that was sent to all 8500 members of the NVC Academy, we studied the results of the survey, and then based on what we heard people asking for, we reorganized the NVC Academy, including creating the NVC Multimedia Library.  It was a labor of love that took 14 months to implement.

Please take a few minutes to check it out!

The NVC Multimedia Library includes (at a starting point!  We’ll continue to add new resources.) 150 resources from 40 trainers from across the globe.  You now have at your finger tips an amazing array of training segments, full recorded telecourses, articles, ebooks and trainer tips – in audio, video or written format. We even offer 3 online courses.

There are countless topics that cover NVC enthusiasts who are just getting started and those with a little or a lot of experience – and everything in between.  No matter what your preferred topic(s) is or your level of NVC experience, you will find many resources in the Multimedia Library.

Look here for my resources in the Multimedia Library:

http://nvctraining.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&layout=generic&tag=Mary%20Mackenzie&task=tag&Itemid=1041

Look here to browse all that the Multimedia Library has to offer:

http://nvctraining.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&layout=category&Itemid=192

Do you have a favorite trainer who you enjoy learning from?  Browse for their resources on the left search engine of the Library called “Browse by Trainer.”

I hope that you’ll agree that the NVC Multimedia Library is exciting and innovative.   Secondly, I hope it will become a valuable resource for you and other NVC enthusiasts from around the world.

Here’s to peace,

Mary

Neuroscientist Dr. Tania Singer was recently at Stanford University during the Dalai Lama’s visit.  She was interviewed about the definitions and differences between empathy, compassion and courage.  Her definitions are somewhat different than in a traditional NVC model and I enjoyed listening to her responses and pondering how her views matched or disagreed with mine.

As far as empathy, compassion and courage go, I don’t think there are any right/wrong answers and pondering the deeper meaning of all three can indeed expand ones experience of all.  For this reason, I encourage you to listen to what Dr. Singer has to say.

Dr. Tania Singer answers questions about Empathy, Compassion and Courage

Peace to you all,

Mary

I’m discouraged over how automatic and easy it is to blame.  The other day I was driving in an area I didn’t know so I turned on my trusted GPS unit (Daniel) and entered my information.  Daniel was taking more time than usual and so I started out in the direction I suspected was correct.  No sooner had I gotten started when Daniel said in his calm British accent, “Recalculating.”  And I said in a voice louder than I am proud of, “Well, you didn’t tell me where to go!”

Kaboom.  I blamed a computer.  I actually blamed a computer.

Why do we blame others (people or objects)?  I think blame is a habit we engage in to reassure ourselves that we’re okay, good enough or loveable.  Blame and judgment happen so quickly we don’t even notice that we’re doing it most of the time.  And, whenever we blame, two things for sure happen:

1.  We create separation between ourselves and other people.

2.  We usually say something or do something that will prevent us from meeting our needs.

So, today I vow once again to watch my blame and judgments, to have compassion for myself for how habitual this pattern of thinking is, and to consciously choose a different behavior.  How about you?

Not having other workout clothes, I couldn’t think of anything else I could do for a workout so I hopped into the Jacuzzi.  While sitting in the Jacuzzi, I started to notice my thinking which went something like this, “I can’t believe someone stole my swimsuit.”  “I’ve been coming here for years and nothing has ever been stolen.”  “I’ve lived in Flagstaff for 20 years and nothing has ever been stolen.” “This used to be such a safe place to live.”

After about 5 minutes I woke up.  Sat straight up in the Jacuzzi and said out loud (fortunately, no one else was around), “Mary, what do you actually know?”  I answered, “That I left my swim suit here on Tuesday and Thursday it wasn’t here.”

I said this to myself a couple of times until I calmed down.  Then, I felt embarrassed of what I had said to the desk clerk and my thoughts in the next several minutes, so I gave myself empathy for wanting to be more conscious, to live without blame, to Live in the Observation.  Deep breath.

To me, Living in the Observation, is a spiritual, moment-to-moment practice.  It requires me to WAKE UP, notice what I’m thinking or saying, and bring myself right back to the observation.  In doing this, I don’t allow myself to linger in the suffering I cause by what I make up about a situation.  In this case, what I made up was that someone stole my swim suit, that Flagstaff wasn’t a safe place anymore, and that my club wasn’t a safe place anymore.  All of those thoughts caused me suffering – self-induced suffering.  When I can bring myself back to what I know “I left my suit at the club on Tuesday and it wasn’t there on Thursday,” I can pull myself out of suffering and relax.

I don’t know what happened to my suit.  Maybe it was stolen.  Maybe it was ruined (because I left it in the sauna to dry) and so someone threw it away, maybe something else.  The point is I don’t actually know what happened to it, so imagining what might have happened to it only causes suffering.  I prefer to Live in the Observation so I can enjoy my life experience more.

Okay, so here’s a bit of gratitude.  The time span from the time I walked into the club and when I woke up in the Jacuzzi was approximately 10 minutes.  I used to live entire years in self-induced suffering.  I am incredibly grateful that I WAKE UP much more quickly now.

I am so touched by this card and the sentiment because of the community, care, and love I receive from it.  You know, sometimes I just go about my life and forget how many lives I touch just by living.  Do you ever feel as if what you’re doing isn’t making a difference?  Or, that you’re not making progress?

I have felt that way many, many times in my life.  And then today I get a card from someone in Ohio who tells me she’s thinking about me and appreciating my book and hoping I am safe.

I believe my role is to live each day in integrity with my values as best as I can.  To keep showing up for life valuing all needs, focused on the life in each of us, and committed to nonviolence.  When I do this I feel better about myself and I feel better about everyone who crosses my path.

I am so grateful to be reminded of this, and equally grateful to know that there are people thinking of me and wishing me well, even when I am not aware of it.  This helps bolster my commitment to live in NVC consciousness.

I write this now because I want to express gratitude and to let you know I’m thinking about you; whoever reads this, I’m thinking about you and sending love.

mary

There have been many moments that I have thought, “remember this for the blog, Mary,” but have been distracted by all the beauty and joy and snorkeling and hiking with friends.  So, this morning, I will write about one thing and I hope to write again tomorrow.

I was in the second day of a 4-day retreat and I noticed that I felt uncomfortable with one of the participants and my inner chatter was saying, “He’s not satisfied with the workshop” and “He’s smirking” and “I actually have no idea what’s going on with him!”  I became aware of my jackal howling at the lunch break.

Does your jackal howl in your ear for a while before you notice her?  Sometimes, mine howls for a while before I become aware of her.  I believe this is because it is so familiar to have judgmental or critical thoughts.  NVC is teaching me how to become more aware of my jackal inner voice and to respond to her much more quickly, rather than be complacent in my judgments.

Anyway, when I became aware of her, I spent a few moments empathizing with the jackal and then became genuinely curious about what was actually going on in the participant.  I asked him if he’d be willing to talk with me for a few minutes at the start of lunch and he said yes.

I expressed what was going on with me, paraphrased here, “I’m noticing that I am thinking that you aren’t enjoying the workshop or not getting enough out of it, and also that I’m not even certain what you are hoping for.  So, I’m uncomfortable and would like clarity. Are you enjoying the workshop, or is there something you’re disappointed about?”

We ended up chatting for about 15 minutes and in the end I had understood more deeply what was going on with him. I don’t want to reveal anything about him out of respect, and so I’ll just say that his learning edge was asking for what he wanted and it felt a little awkward to him, and so I had interpreted his awkward attempts as discontent.

I enjoyed our connection very much and walked away with a soft and loving heart, grateful that I had taken the time to connect with him, grateful that I have a way of talking with others that creates connection (rather than disconnection), grateful that I could spend the rest of the workshop enjoying him (rather than judging him), and grateful that now that I understood where his learning edge was I could support his learning when opportunities arose throughout the workshop.

My interactions with him from that moment on were like night and day – enjoyable and relaxed.

This is just one more reminder (I’ve had many over the years) that when I’m honest about what’s going on with me I deepen connection.  It actually shifts everything – my perceptions, my judgments, my interactions with others.

It’s true that I’m not always received as well as I was in this case.  Sometimes when I express myself honestly I receive judgment and criticism back, but this doesn’t happen often anymore.  When it does, I simply move into empathy (for myself silently and for the other verbally) to deepen our connection.

I remember hearing Marshall Rosenberg say that killing someone was the easy way out.  At the time, his statement hit me in the gut like a punch.  This one small example demonstrates his point.  I could have spent the rest of the workshop judging this participant and my judgments would have colored my entire experience of the workshop – of him and everyone there.  That would have been the easy way out.  I choose connection, honesty and relief.

Aloha!