Masshole Sports

Tim Thomas Has Begun His Descent Into Madness...But Cmon, Dude Needs To Grow A Pair Of Balls And Show Up To Work Like The Rest Of Us

2012-06-02T21:31:00.002-04:00

Tim Thomas posted a couple of links on his official Facebook page Saturday night, explaining why he may take the 2012-2013 season off.

Heres a link to the Blaze.com article

Heres a link to theDailyMail.co.uk article

Really? This is why hockey isnt important to Tim Thomas anymore?

I knew Tim Thomas was a bit of a flake, but I had no idea the dude was a Doomsdayer. I mean, in the end we're all screwed. But cmon, the dude has to pull his shit together. No need to get all Syd Barret on us.

Big shit if the world economy is on the brink of collapsing. You could get hit by a friggin bus tomorrow and it could all end. Turning into a recluse and pissing off an entire city is completely unnecessary and makes him look like a wicked dickhead.

Tim Thomas has to grow a pair of balls and show up to work like the rest of us and stop with all the bullshit. I (and Im sure most Bruins fans) are getting sick of it.

If the dude does take the year off, he is no different from those friggin weirdos you see on the Red Line platform, talking to himself and begging for change. Well, the only difference is that he has millions in the bank and can mumble to himself in a mansion by the pool.

Red Sox Are Out Of The Gutter. Wicked Pissa, Kid!

2012-06-02T18:00:00.000-04:00

Nick Punto looked like a friggin world beater on Saturday. The dude went 3 for 4, leading the Red Sox out of last place for the first time this season. Not only that, but the Red Sox are now only 2 games out of first place.

For the life of me, I cant figure out how they have treaded water for this long. Want another bizarre fact? Felix Doubront is now 6-2 on the season and has emerged as the ace of the Red Sox pitching staff.

Want another? Afredo Aceves got the save in this game, giving him 14 on the season. Papelbon has 15 for the Phillies. What the frig is going on?

This Fact Is 100% True And 110% Mind Boggling

2012-06-02T17:00:00.000-04:00

Its true. For all his struggled, Alfredo Aceves has only one less save than Jonathan Papelbon...and is getting paid one tenth of what Papelbon is making. Well, Papelbon is making $11 million this year, Aceves is making 1.2 million. You can do the math. Im too stupid.

(UNCENSORED VIDEO) Kevin Garnett Says The "Fuckin Jungle Was Rockin Tonight...We Fuckin Loved It."

2012-06-02T13:09:00.001-04:00

Here's the uncensored video of Kevin Garnett from post game last night. Fast forward to the 3:14 mark to hear the classic quote, "fuckin jungle was rockin tonight. We loved it. We fuckin loved it. Fuck."

I Cant Say This Any Clearer: FUCK THE MIAMI HEAT

2012-06-02T00:54:00.002-04:00

First of all, if the officials did their jobs properly the Celtics would be up 2-1 in the series right now. But if my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle. So whatever.

Now on to the bigger picture. The Heat barely won game 2. Then they came into Game 3 with a chance to basically end the series and they got blown the fuck out. If Im the Miami Heat right now, Im not feeling too confident. The Celtics have been the better team this series.

DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT ESPN TELLS YOU. The Celtics are playing better basketball than the Heat. They have Championship DNA and they have heart, determination, pride, grit and balls. The Heat have none of that. None.

Now that the officiating has backed off from rigging the games, we have a series on our hands. And the Celtics have a fighting chance against a league that doesnt want them to succeed. Fuck the NBA, fuck the officiating and fuck the Miami Heat.

I cannot wait for Game 4 on Sunday.

What's The Matter Lebron?

2012-06-02T00:15:00.000-04:00

Seriously, dont listen to the national media. They have a hard on for Lebron and company. Just mentioning his name gives them a boost in ratings so they will continue to want him to win and want him to dominate.

But the reality is that the Celtics have been the better team in this series. Its not a sexy story and it probably bored the national media to tears, but its the truth.

If the Celtics continue to play the way they did in Game 3 and if the officials stay the fuck out of the way, the Celtics will win this series. Mark my words. The Queen can eat shit. He can continue to score his 40 points a game and it wont friggin matter.

Old Navy Is Selling Bill Belichick Shorts. I Shit You Not.

2012-06-01T13:58:00.001-04:00

Old Navy isnt calling them "Bill Belichick shorts," but on the left are shorts currently for sale at Old Navy. On the right is Bill Belichick wearing eerily similar cutoff shorts about a year ago. Who knew Bill Belichick was a trendsetter?

shorts via @michaelFhurley

Report: Kevin Youkilis And Tom Brady's Sister Are "Definitely" On The Trading Block

2012-06-01T12:38:00.002-04:00

Just so you know, Danny Knobler isnt just some bald loser trying to start a rumor. He's the senior baseball writer for CBS Sports. So this report has some credibility.

Now if the Red Sox were smart, they'd tell teams that Youkilis is married to Tom Brady's sister and their town would also be getting a member of the Brady clan in a potential deal. Increase the trade value a bit.

Celtics vs Heat Game 3 Starting Lineups Have Been Announced...And It Doesnt Look Good

2012-06-01T11:33:00.002-04:00

Tim Thomas Is Out Of His Friggin Mind. Says He May Take Next Season Off.

2012-06-01T00:45:00.003-04:00

Either Tim Thomas has lost his friggin mind or he is the biggest ball buster this town has ever seen.

From ESPN.com:

A source told ESPN.com on Thursday that the 38-year-old Boston Bruins netminder was contemplating taking next season off. Which doesn’t mean he will, but it’s something he’s apparently raised.

A part of me thinks Tim Thomas is a diabolical genius and is simply playing mind games with the Bruins front office. His no-trade clause ends on July 1st and saying that he is contemplating sitting out next season would make his trade value plummet, thus busting the Bruins balls mightily (because everyone and their mother knows the Bruins front office is very likely to trade him at 12:01am on July 1st).

But if he isnt playing mind games and he sincerely does want to take a year off, it is 100% the media's fault. There's only so much bullshit a man can take before he snaps. And having beat writers like Joe Haggerty sniffing your crotch and talking shit about you daily (and tweeting shit about you hourly) is enough to make any man snap and want to run away for a year.

The good money says Tim Thomas is just busting balls. He's probably sitting on his couch, on his laptop, reading all the various media outlets going ape shit over this story and laughing his ass off.

Kudos Timmy. Well played.

It Sucks To Be The NBA Right Now

2012-06-01T00:30:00.000-04:00

Here's a recent Masshole Sports Facebook Poll question and the results:

That is just fucked up. Its time for the NBA to get rid of their commissioner, David "vince mcmahon" Stern. The dude has done alot of good for the league, but the bullshit he is pulling with the refs is too obvious. You cant rig games in a professional sport and be discrete about it. It just doesnt work.

And The Red Sox 3 Game Winning Streak Is Over

2012-06-01T00:20:00.000-04:00

The Red Sox finished the homestand 4-3. So in the end, it was just another mediocre homestand by a mediocre team. Hey, the good news is that the AL East is still a clusterfuck and despite the fact that the Red Sox are in last place, they are only 3 games out of first place.

Your WTF Of The Day

2012-06-01T00:15:00.000-04:00

If you do a google image search for bobonos monkey pac man, the first image that shows up is Kevin Youkilis. I shit you not.

I would say this is crushing for his self esteem, but the dude is banging Tom Brady's sister. Im sure when he looks in the mirror, he can see past his looks and sees a man who is banging Tom Brady's friggin sister.

By the way, it is true. If you do a google image search right now for bobonos monkey pac man, Kevin Youkilis' face is the first image. Try it and thank me later.

(VIDEO) Dwyane Wade Karate Chops Rajon Rondo In The Face And Gets Away With It Thanks To Visually Impaired Refs

2012-05-31T12:38:00.003-04:00

I know I said I wasnt going to bitch and moan about the officiating, but am I really bitching and moaning or am I just calling out the officials for being crooked bastids they are?

How can you watch this play and NOT think NBA games are rigged? Its a friggin tie game and a non foul call in this situation turned into a Heat win. This is definitive proof that the NBA is no different than the WWE--predetermined outcomes and scripted series.

(VIDEO) Dwyane Wade Karate Kicks Garnett In The Knee And Gets Away With It Thanks To Visually Impaired Refs

2012-05-31T11:51:00.000-04:00

So, at first glance it looks like incidental contact and KG looks like a prick for overreacting. But watch at the 0:47 mark. Wade does his best Jean-Claude Van Damme impersonation and got away with it...thanks to the visually impaired officials.

Celtics On The Short End Of A Classic

2012-05-31T00:46:00.000-04:00

Lebron James choked at the end of regulation, Ray Allen was clutch and Rajon Rondo was otherworldly. Yet in the end, the Celtics couldnt close the deal. This is one of those games that makes you want to punch a friggin wall, even if it means having to wear a cast for a few weeks and having to tell everyone "I have a cast on because I punched a wall after Game 2."

Sure, the legend of Rajon Rondo grew a bit more. The dude scored 44 points, had 10 assists and 8 rebounds. And watching Rondo made me remember what it felt like watching Larry Bird play. But in the end, the Celtics got a swift "Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse" kick to the dick.

The officiating was atrocious again. And Im sure Johnny Most is rolling over in his grave (and probably trying to claw his way out so he can get a piece of those bastids) but Im not going to bitch and moan about the officiating. The sucky officiating is not why the Celtics lost Game 2. Thats lazy journalism and I have to get over it. Or so I keep telling myself.

I Have To Get This Off My Chest

2012-05-31T00:30:00.000-04:00

FYI, While You Were Watching The Celtics, The Red Sox Beat The Tigers For Their 3rd Straight Win

2012-05-31T00:02:00.002-04:00

Wow, the AL East is turning into a bit of a cluster fuck huh? All of a sudden, the Red Sox are only 2.5 games out of first place. The Baltimore Orioles have turned back into the Baltimore Orioles and have lost five games in a row, meanwhile the Red Sox have won three straight.

On top of that, Alfredo Aceves came in and pitched a clean 9th last night. Is this the twilight zone?

This Dude Is Going To Try Out For Fenway Park PA Job Tonight. Yes, This Dude.

2012-05-30T12:56:00.001-04:00

Larry Lucchino was on Dennis & Callahan this morning and announced that Jon Meterparel of WEEI will try out for the public address announcer job at Fenway Park tonight. The tryouts are on an invitation-only basis.

That's right. So the next PA announcer at Fenway Park may be a dude who is a afraid to touch girls. Here is Jon Meterparel doing the infamous "hover hand."

Here are other tools doing the Hover Hand:

Some Chick Sent Terry Francona A Picture Of Her Right Tit. He Responded With Full Frontal. You Go Tito!

2012-05-30T11:15:00.001-04:00

photo via DeadSpin

According to DeadSpin.com, a 27 year old girl emailed Terry Francona a picture of her right tit (with bra on, see picture below). Francona responded by sending her this picture of himself at some beach hotel in nothing more than a towel.

It turns out the girl has a boyfriend. The dude is pissed off and sent DeadSpin both pictures.

Anyway, is Terry Francona living the friggin life or what? The dude is working a cushy job at ESPN, doesnt have to deal with the Boston media and all their bullshit and the dude's flirting with girls decades younger than himself. I guess its good karma for all the shit he went through on his way out the door. Keep livin the dream, Tito.

photo via DeadSpin

The Red Sox Beat The Mighty Justin Verlander. Golf Clap, Please.

2012-05-30T00:37:00.003-04:00

The Red Sox finally beat a top dog. They faced the mighty Justin Verlander and made him their bitch. The dude allowed 5 runs in 6 innings and looked like a mere mortal. This is the same dude who won the American League MVP and Cy Young last year. Oh yea, and he has two no-hitters under his belt.

But on Tuesday night, he looked like a little bitch on the mound thanks to David Ortiz and Daniel Nava. The Red Sox are finally over .500 on the season. I must say, it feels good to know they got over the hump against a guy like Justin Verlander. Forget the golf clap, how about a nice round of applause.

Jenny Dell Fan Sign Of The Night

2012-05-30T00:15:00.000-04:00

Um....okay.

Jose Canseco Went To Foxwoods Last Week And Didnt Invite Me...My Life Sucks.

2012-05-29T13:25:00.001-04:00

My mancrush on Jose Canseco may be coming to an end. He doest tweet me anymore. He doesnt pay attention to my tweets to him. And I found out that he went to Foxwoods last week and didnt even think to invite me. Jose, if your reading this right now, call me.

photo via BustedCoverage

(PHOTO) Holy Shit, Tyler Seguin's New Tattoo Is Huge

2012-05-29T13:15:00.000-04:00

Tyler Seguin posted some pictures of his new tattoo on twitter last night. This is proof that idle hands are the devils playground--if the Bruins were still in the playoffs, Seguin probably wouldnt have got a new tattoo. But if my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle. So, whatever.

via twitter: @TylerSeguin92

(VIDEO) Tom Brady's Wicked Bad Boston Accent

2012-05-29T13:10:00.000-04:00

Here's something to ease the pain of the Celtics loss to the Heat. Watch Tom Brady's wicked pissa acting skills in this Under Armour commercial.

Tom Brady's Wicked Accent from Tom Brady