No one gets out alive

A few blog posts ago I wrote about purpose and how it influences what we do and what we create. I included writing an obituary as a way of declaring the purpose you want to live into before you die. A way of creating a designed life.

I once heard poet David Whyte comment that the only thing worse than struggling to live your life is discovering that you’re living someone else’s life!How do we know if that’s the case? For most of us, unless we’ve returned to critically examine what made us who we are, the odds are high that there’s a

"I'm not gonna let that happen again!"

huge degree of autopilot going on, set by a seven year old version of us. So what has someone change what change what would appear to be a perfectly good life (or obituary), or as Peter Block once described change to me, incur a self-inflicted wound?

As obituaries (and lives) go, I’d say mine wasn’t bad. But the exercise itself gave me much pause to reflect. When I stepped back I had an epiphany. Like the realization that what got me here won’t get me there, I saw that after decades more of life I would still be where I was, just older, and more so. Is there anything wrong with that? Only the awareness that I was really having much less impact, and playing a much smaller game, than I thought I was: Epiphany Part One: Is this really all I’ve done? 

I also realized that in order to play a bigger game and make the difference I yearned to see in the world (one of my core values) I couldn’t do it alone. And it couldn’t be about me. Epiphany Part Two: I can’t do this alone. It can’t be about me.

Some things you just can't do alone

This begged the question about why I would inflict this wound upon myself instead of sticking to familiar territory. I revisited what was driving me. My career has been built upon stimulating people to see new possibilities. It’s what would light me up – seeing them light up. But I started to see that wasn’t enough. It’s about what people do with that light.

My fantasy is living in a world where the workplace is a place where all people flourish. A place where people feel the vitality of being connected to their greatest potential and possibilities. I imagine a world where the person in customer service really feels good about serving. Where everywhere we go we’re both serving, and being served, by people who care. How awesome would that be?

They love their work at Zappos!

We come home from work and it was a good day. Work has purpose and we fulfilled it. The dog stops getting kicked, the kids have parents with energy, and we have the space to look at the world differently. Epiphany Part Three: Connection to the bigger purpose.

In Tribal Leadership the authors talk about five phases of the epiphany that Tribal Leaders go through. I borrowed from them in describing my first three which led to my new obituary. I look forward to continuing the process with a bit of ambivalence. It’s uncharted territory, but it honors my core values of learning, curiosity and making a difference.

Compare my two obituaries and see what you notice as different. The exercise has challenged me to grow, today, before I die.

I encourage you to write your own obituary. Then die and die again. Growth is always about what you give up.

David Brown 1955 – 2045

David Brown ended his career as an executive coach, consultant and artist, usually all three at once. In some ways he loved being an artist the most because artists never retire, and he felt that was the way to be at work, where it doesn’t feel like work. That passion showed in the difference he made in the lives of those he served. Whether it was being a psychotherapist, a life coach, executive coach or later what he simply called leadership development, it was always really the same. That can be summed up best by what he called his noble cause: calling forth a world in which the workplace is a place where all people can flourish. A place where they feel the vitality of being connected to their greatest potential and possibilities.

Early in David’s career his focus was on working with individuals and families as a psychotherapist. You can see the difference he made in people’s lives by the number of former patients who found ways to stay in touch. When David discovered the coaching profession he knew that was his path, with a focus on creating lives people loved instead of fixing problems. David was proud of being a part of people designing their lives on purpose. The testimonials from his clients reflect this shared joy.

But that was not enough for David. A lifelong learner, he was constantly reinventing himself. He shifted his focus to coaching leaders because he felt that made a greater impact in many more lives. He was most excited when that work created ripples that transformed workplaces into spaces where people could flourish and realize their potential. Staying true to his nature that led him to focus on the type of leadership and organizational culture change that we remember him most for today.

Many of the companies that today represent the kind of workplaces which we all admire are an outgrowth of that work. Creating possibilities for people to live lives of joy and purpose meant stimulating greater consciousness, and that meant transforming the workplace as we knew it. David invited other thought leaders with different talents but resonant core values to help create a network of passionate change agents with a shared vision of what could be. This network of MasterCoaches went on to influence virtually every sector of our lives, from healthcare and conscious business to education, non-profits and the arts. As we look back today many of us can’t relate to the old notion of top down leadership and working in cubicles, but back in David’s day that was as ubiquitous as bulky laptop computers. Today we speak of workplaces as if they have a soul, where leadership is a shared responsibility. Work places have become life spaces, environments that nurture us and encourage community, growth, collaboration and innovation. While David would never take credit for these changes that we now see as commonplace, his passion for a more conscious, resonant and collaborative world ignited the hearts and minds of so many others that it would be remiss to not include him as a significant catalyst of these developments.

Discussing David’s contributions would be incomplete without including his work as an artist. His wife of 47 years, Jill Brown, was a fiber artist who re-introduced David to the artist within him. David saw art as a conduit for channeling and connecting the deepest parts of our humanity. He felt it was a tragedy for people to go to work, or school, and leave one of the best parts of themselves in the parking lot. He was a passionate advocate for integrating the arts back into the fabric of our lives, for more whole brain thinking and living. He felt that the lopsided over-emphasis on left brain thinking created a lobotomized version of our greatest potential. The almost seamless integration and appreciation of art, and the whole person, in business, education, and healthcare that we experience today has much to do with the LifeArt Foundation that David and Jill founded.

While these are the legacies that impacted our lives the most, the grounding center for David was his family and the opportunity to be a loving father and husband. He said his greatest privilege was contributing to the success of his children, Dylan and Logan, and helping in some way to make the world a better place for them and their children. He swelled with pride when talking about the accomplishments Dylan made in education and literature, and Logan in health and well-being.

In the end it could be said that David loved most the simple joys of life; making people laugh, enjoying nature, and creating sculptures designed to be provocative and engaging. He savored time hiking our national parks, walking the disc golf course with friends and evenings around his fire pit with friends and family. Although he received numerous accolades for his work and his art, David always felt that his greatest reward was simply knowing that he touched people in a way that revealed their own possibilities and the differences they could make for others. He just wanted to leave the world a better place than he found it. I believe we can all say he accomplished his mission.

Can the wrong bus ever take you to the right place?

I just read an article called the The Bright Side Of Wrong and it should not have surprised me that it was written by Kathryn Schultz, who I’m beginning to see has made the study of being wrong a focus of her work. This is the same Kathryn Schultz in one of our favorite TED videos On Being Wrong. What made this poignant for me today was also receiving an email from a client. I asked him to do a little exercise about learning how you are known. I have always found it to be revealing in many ways, usually unpredictably. I learned this exercise in the Tribal Leadership Intensives in which I am enrolled. It goes like this:

Interview with at least 2 individuals who you work with; or are in an organization with: to support you with determining how are you known.
Set Up: You are looking for feedback to better support your leadership growth and development
Ask these 4 questions:

• What can you count on me for?
• What can you not count on me for?
• What is the skill or talent that I’m crazy good at?
• If you could give me one piece of advice what would it be?

Your job is to listen and only speak to thank them or to clarify something.
At the end really thank them for what they contributed to you.

Here is what struck me about a response he shared. My client was described as “the most level person I have met. You show no peaks or valleys in your overall presentation to people. Kind of the Switzerland of human beings… You can be counted on as a friend that you know will always speak the truth. You can be counted on being there as a friend when needed to provide comfort and calm.”

Looking for more depth?

But later there was this about what he couldn’t be counted on: “I would say that the one area that you stay away from is the depth in a relationship. Your not one that is going to give a controversial opinion or offer some tough advise. I would say that after knowing you my entire life that I wouldn’t know what type of friendship we have… Everything stays simple, which again is fine, but to need someone to count on in times of need, that’s not you.”

I had to wonder how much of that is related to a fear of being wrong, or creating conflict? While Kathryn talks extensively about the cost of our perceptions of being wrong in such areas as healthcare and aviation, what about these little more personal examples, the little tears in the fabric of our everyday lives? I think of the difficulty having serious conversations with my 21 year old son, who hates being wrong, and the limits that places on our relationship. I think of areas in my life where I might hold back and what might be the cost. I should add that in reflecting on this, it has opened up new possibilities for me in a project I am considering. Being wrong or making mistakes has lost its grip, and the learning and possibilities available far outshine the risks in this new light!

Where in YOUR life is your relationship with being wrong a limiting factor?

Are you willing to alter your relationship with being wrong so that you too can find it’s bright side, and open up new possibilities? Let us know how this unfolds in your life. Try the exercise I shared. You can’t go wrong!

THAT is the question!

Can you tell when someone is “on purpose?” Does it really matter what they stand for? Think of an insincere apology. Most of us know when we are on the receiving end of one, regardless of what is actually said. Similarly when we do business, we can tell immediately if the employees walk the talk. One of my more poignant examples was when I made the shift from a PC to a Mac. I don’t mean to be one of those Apple snobs, but I recall many a horrifying experience speaking to “customer service” at Dell and Microsoft. When I switched to Apple it felt like a year-long low grade fever was suddenly gone. The employees seemed to actually care about addressing my needs and providing real service. They even seemed to care about their work. Whatever it was, it was palpable. I discovered that this extended to their products.

So what is it about purpose? Simon Sinek has dedicated his life to this discourse, which he describes as the why we do what we do. In this TED video http://mastercoaches.com/favorite-videos/ he breaks down this quality as it pertains to innovators like Apple. In Tribal Leadership, a NY Times best seller about the impact organizational culture has on the entire organization, they speak about core values and a noble cause. They look at core values as fuel, and a noble cause as the direction. In companies, and individuals, where these pieces are clear the outcomes are measurably different, be they subjective like satisfaction or objective like productivity or profit.

What do you stand for?

A sense of purpose really does make a difference. Stephen Covey says it lets you know when you are on or off the beam. It guides our decision-making in complex situations. Ultimately it’s a source of our satisfaction and fulfillment. In the game of life, no one gets out alive. All you have is your experience day to day, and the legacy you leave behind. In The Answer To How Is Yes by Peter Block points out that when you are clear on what you are committed to you don’t get bogged down with all those how questions. Your resounding “Yes!” guides your way.

What will fill Your space?

One interesting way to get closer to what it is that you stand for is to write your own obituary. It reveals the legacy that you want to leave, and can inform your life now. I encourage you to take a shot at writing your own obituary. Like a goof inquiry, it will work on you as much as you work on it. Below is a draft of one I wrote for myself. Please share yours or what you discovered by writing it.

OBITUARY:

David Brown was an executive coach, consultant and artist, usually all three at once. Formally trained as a psychotherapist, he transitioned into life coaching as soon as the profession emerged, sensing that was his true calling. Whereas therapy was about healing, coaching was about creating possibilities, and that really lit David up. Creating possibilities meant creating greater consciousness, and initially that meant changing the world one person at a time. Being impatient, David started to focus on coaching leaders, as that seemed to be a better way to leverage his time. He saw his clients grow professionally and personally, and soon realized that if he was to have the greatest impact it meant transforming the workplace as well. After all, this was where we spend most of our waking hours. This was not an easy transition for David, as he had spent the least amount of his own working life as a corporate employee, avoiding it for a more entrepreneurial freedom. Feeling compelled to walk his own talk, David created collaborations with other like-minded individuals and built a network of passionate change agents with complementary skill sets. He called it MasterCoaches. These MasterCoaches had a noble cause to create a world where all people showed up consciously, in resonance, and on purpose, and their medium was the workplace. Their legacy continues to make a difference for countless individuals around the globe.

David served for many years on the Board of The Daily Bread, which fed the homeless, and he said the greatest gift he received there was one of gratitude. While that gratitude, in its deepest sense, was for life itself, he was also grateful for the kindred spirits whom he could support and who supported him, in his quest to make the world a better place. He was most grateful for his family and the opportunity to be a loving father and husband, which he deemed to be the most important roles in his life. He was also an artist, both within the work he did and the sculptures he created, which, like his work, were designed to be provocative and engaging.

David loved the simple joys of life, including making people laugh and enjoying what nature had to offer. Whether hiking in our national parks, walking the disc golf course with friends, or an evening around his fire pit with friends and family, that’s all he needed. Although he received numerous accolades for his work and his art, David always felt that his greatest reward was simply knowing that he touched people in a way that opened up something special in their own lives.

Rest In Purpose: He made us laugh & feel alive.

What is your purpose? What do YOU stand for?

A week later at the award ceremony, I was elated to win first place! My hard work had paid off. When I got home, however, the phone rang again. It was my teacher, calling to congratulate me. Then she told me how she had voted for me and convinced the other judges to vote for me, too. I couldn’t believe it! I would never know if I truly earned the award. And all because I sacrificed my integrity by going along with something I knew didn’t feel right.  I’ve never forgotten that lesson.

I’ve since come to appreciate that our values, especially our core values, are non-negotiable. They represent what we deem most important in life. They are the guiding  principles that make impossibly complex decisions easy. They determine our standards of behavior. And we pay a consequence when we betray them, as I did.

Integrity, Honesty, Learning, Adventure, Connection, Self-expression 

These are the core values of MasterCoaches.

We invite you to tell a story that illustrates what you most value. It’s a story worth telling.

A gift from your friends Eddie Marmol & David Brown at MasterCoaches

• What do values have to do with running a business?
  

  Another day at the office

• We did that already at an offsite and it was fun while it lasted, but eventually we went back to work and were back to business as usual.
• Why bother, no one pays attention after a few weeks anyway.

The list goes on; I’m sure you’re familiar with the conversation. Recently, however, a client’s experience (a Chief Financial Officer) really encapsulated the whole point.

A few months ago his company’s senior leadership team did an offsite with a trainer from another company. They came up with “the company values” among other things like a vision and various goals and objectives. The values were: Integrity, Innovation, Respect, Candor, Employee Development, and High Performance.Overall, they felt it was a fruitful experience. The team got

Team Building

energized and individually started working earnestly on their goals. It sounded like a typical offsite experience and it did seem to get these executives thinking differently, and more intentionally, about their company.

Although I had introduced my client earlier to the Tribal Leadership methodology, he felt at the time that the group wasn’t ready yet for such a departure from the norm. In fact, he was a pleasantly surprised that they even chose to do the offsite. Satisfied that was a good first step, he went forward with renewed energy.

Then something out of the blue happened. His comptroller resigned. The comptroller cited his longstanding feeling that the firm had neglected him in several ways, including compensation and a lack of regard for his professional

Values? We have values?

development. Clearly at odds with Integrity, Innovation, Respect, Candor, Employee Development, and High Performance introduced months earlier, this was a stunning indictment of that values exercise. And it wasn’t simply because the “roll out” of these values occurred after much of the damage to this employee had been done. It had continued afterwards, reflected in neglecting to fully remediate the concerns even after the resignation was submitted.

Damage control by the CFO kept the comptroller on, although the long-term trajectory remains to be seen. But the fact that they hadn’t been walking their talk became painfully clear.  The truth is that if the above had been CORE values, none of these behaviors subsequent to the offsite would’ve occurred. In cultures aligned with core values, the core values direct decisions and actions naturally, almost literally a no-brainer (thinking not required – it’s at your core).

This brings us to the critical distinctions between non-core values and core values, as well as weaker statements like beliefs and attitudes. Examples and definitions:

Values Distinctions (courtesy of CultureSynch)

Belief (statement of opinion): “We believe great customer service is the key to our success.”

Attitude (predisposition to act in a certain way): “We rise to every challenge.”

Non-Core Value (a principle that is important): “We value people’s work-life balance.”

• Core Values:
  • “Principles that will cause you pain, but that if you don’t implement, will erode your integrity.”  (Jerry Porras, co-author of Built to Last, in an interview in 2007.)
  • “Principles without which, life isn’t worth living.” (Research conclusion published in Tribal Leadership.)
  • “Guiding principles that make impossibly complex decisions easy.”  (Gordon Binder, former CEO of Amgen, in an interview in 2007.)           courtesy of CultureSynch

On one hand, core values are really at the core of who we are. We have visceral reactions when we don’t act in alignment with them. In some ways we don’t even notice our core values because they are just so much a part of who we are. When that transparency is interrupted by a violation, it hits us in the gut and is hard to ignore.

Returning to my client’s situation, beyond not having drilled down enough to get to core values, there was another pitfall that came to light. Core values are not something leaders hand down from the mountain. The tribe or culture of a company consists of people who already have core values. The opportunity is to elicit the

We know what We're about!

core values that already exist, bring them out into the open, and integrate them with the purpose of the enterprise. Instead, many leaders focus on “getting buy-in” which feels like you’re being sold to. Ownership is forced, whereas coalescing the core values that are present in the culture is akin to working with ownership that already exists. Core values are pre-sold! When integrated with a compelling meaningful vision for the business, you have a powerful self-sustaining foundation for a whole different level of innovation, productivity and satisfaction.

Admittedly the CFO’s intuition was correct. His firm was not yet ready to have that conversation. As in all things you must begin where you are, at whatever cultural stage your organization is at. There are ways to assess that and concrete steps and strategies to upgrade the culture to the point where factors like core values are operating in alignment with the company’s mission and vision for their future. That’s a conversation we’re starting to have with my client’s company. It usually takes breakdowns to reveal where the breakthroughs can be had.

My hope is that this story will inspire you to start an inquiry into where you see your organization now and what it can aspire to be.

or

Contact us for a complimentary conversation around this topic. 

Holiday stress

In business-speak we just entered the fourth quarter (Q4) of the year. It’s the holiday season in America, with Halloween rolling into Thanksgiving and colliding with Christmas. The marketing onslaught starts working people into a frenzy with people bemoaning that “the holidays seem to be coming sooner every year.” People get crazy for many reasons in Q4.

A recent conference call with Dave Logan, co-author of Tribal Leadership, took a positive spin on how to make Q4 a success in completing the year and being primed for the next. His proactive approach is an antidote for the stress and competition usually seen in companies this time of year. Below are Dave’s tips for a fruitful Q4. 

How's Q4 at your company?

While it helps if you are already familiar with Tribal Leadership, the concepts behind these suggestions are fundamental. Besides, if you are reading this because you recognize the stressors that occur around Q4 and want to minimize them, understanding the culture you have will go a long way in eliminating stress all year round! Having a more productive culture where it’s fun to work and people naturally do the right things is even better! If that’s of interest I encourage you to explore www.triballeadership.net and review our prior posts on Tribal Leadership.  

From Turnaround to Yearnaround: People get stressed as the holidays approach. This means that, for whatever stage your company or “tribe” is at, there will be a pull towards regressing to a lower stage. The first step is to make sure your tribe is at least stable at stage 3. That means people are engaged and working and not in the “life sucks” mode! For a list of action steps to elevate cultures click here  The antidote to Q4 stress:

1.  Encourage triading. At its simplest, a triad is a 3-person relationship where each person “has the back” of the other two. If you’re not familiar with Tribal Leadership look at this as shifting the focus beyond “all about me” to a more fruitful and collaborative direction, where the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. 

Encourage Triadsfruitful direction. There are three types of triads:

1. Relational triad: each person (leg of the structure) is responsible for the quality of the relationship between the other two parts, based solely on shared values. This does not tie back to a project or to pain points.
2. Structural triad: each person (leg of the structure) is responsible for the quality of the relationship between the other two parts, based solely on a shared project and associated pain points that the project is addressing. The focus is on how you can each help each other, like in a networking group.
3. Power triads: Combines the qualities of relational and structural triads. The relationships are connected by both shared values and helping each other on projects of mutual concern.

In stage 3 cultures Structural Triads are the ones most tolerated. In stage 4 cultures the values piece is the one that usually leaves the Power Triad, so reinstate it.

Making Holiday Cards With Meaning

2.  Express your personal or corporate values with holiday cards. Instead of the standard holiday fare, walk the talk. This is one example from a branding/consulting firm with a core value of “bringing people together.” Their holiday card featured a dialogue box with various religious symbols, and at the bottom it said “Hoping the next year is one where we all have one conversation.” 

1. Be creative. Invite employees to help create the card and other holiday themed decorations with messages aligned with core values. Resurface core values. And if core values has yet to be an open conversation, the holiday season is a perfect time to segue into it!

2.  Forget the neck ties and focus on weak ties. In business you want to be connected to massive amounts of people. You need to do something at least once a year to reach out to all the people in “your world.” 

Reaching Out

1. It could be a small gift or note of appreciation; something personal to maintain the relationship. It need not take a lot of time. 
2. Reach out to all of these weak ties and touch each one.This sets the stage for stronger more productive relationships including possible triading in the new year.

2.  Shake non-performing assets (persons, skills, connections, relationships, budgets, etc.). 

1. Find every asset and see if you can make it do something. Assets tend to go away if you don’t shake them every once in a while.
2. Look at what assets you have that you’re not using. This could be using a skill you have or finding someone in your network and reaching out to see what could happen. Think of this as freshening up or clearing a space for a great new year. It’s certainly a more productive way to engage in Q4 than the usual frenzy.

3.  Do a micro strategy (“Outcomes – Assets – Behaviors”) for the first quarter of 2012 (this won’t start until 1/1/12).

Stretch Beyond

See this link for a quick primer on Tribal Leadership strategy.

1. Take your outcomes & really stretch them (i.e. triple them or shorten time frames). That will trip a “no” on the first test question: “do you have enough assets to produce your outcomes?” For you to accomplish something extraordinary in 2012 you will need to stretch by taking actions such as: 

2. Touch your weak ties

3. Shake your assets

                                                     4. Build power assets 

You don’t want this to feel like the obligatory “New Year’s Resolutions” yet you also want to be proactive about the end of year stresses. No one likes the stress and revved-up competition to survive the home stretch. So use your triading and networking skills to galvanize the group to have fun and set the stage for a positive glide into the new year. 

 We’d love to hear from you about how you made Q4 better this year than in the past!

Here's to The Crazy Ones

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

What does this tell us about leadership? Are great leaders necessarily rebels?

By coincidence I was reading another article about Steve Jobs written just 13 days before his passing: “What Steve Jobs Taught Me About Growth” One gets the sense of a creative visionary

Steve Jobs Visionary

rebel who’s charisma and stubborn passion moves people to reach higher. Moves them not so much as a pull but a push. Less about eliciting the collective wisdom than inviting those who can contribute to his vision to come on board, and pushing the rest off the boat.

There are many styles of leadership and some would say that each has it’s place in the context of the organization and it’s needs. But if leadership is about taking the lead, moving into the unknown future, then perhaps it isn’t a menu of different styles for different needs? Maybe that’s an excuse to reconcile the fact that only a very small percentage of our leaders are as visionary as Steve Jobs was? Or as bold?

uncharted territory

What stands out for me in reading the quote and article above is this. Leadership that makes a difference in the world is focused on a future distinct from the past. It’s based on a conversation about possibilities that can only be imagined, since there is no map to follow. One might say it involves risk, but I don’t think so, if you’re that leader. From that perspective it’s about commitment. What others call risk the leader calls learning. It’s just what unfolds when you do anything the first time.

Think of some of your own first times. I recall trying to install an over-the-range

First Times

microwave oven. I even had my map – a set of instructions. As I followed them and proceeded to yank the old unit from the wall I was certain that I was on the verge of taking down the drywall. I called a friend who knew the territory. He came over and yanked at that same unit the same way. But where I stopped out of fear of certain damage, he yanked harder and the unit came off. That’s just how hard you needed to do it. Now I know. Was I concerned about the risk to my wall? Or was I not committed enough? Where do we draw that line?

What if I had no one to call, because this was really new territory? What does that take?

I followed my friend’s lead because he had been there before. But what of leaders like Steve Jobs? You don’t follow them because they’ve been there. There’s no there yet. So why do we follow them? Maybe it’s because they see a future that taps into something we connect to but we get stuck on the how, whereas they blaze a pathway purely out of commitment? Maybe it’s that bold confidence that transforms uncertainty into a natural part of movement? Maybe it’s an authentic unselfish yearning for something bigger and greater that taps into the deepest part of being human that makes following a Steve Jobs irresistible, despite the stubborn perfectionism?

Stepping Into The Future

I’d like to finish this with the appropriate bullet points providing a roadmap for aspiring leaders. But if Steve Jobs taught us anything, it’s that roadmaps can only take us where we’ve already been. So instead I leave you at the crossroads that Steve Jobs took us to. What does it take to create a future distinct from the past?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I want to tell you about a TED video that truly inspired me. Filmed in July of 2011, it’s one of those rare gems that I’ve marked as a “favorite” and will be reviewing again and again in the future. The video is titled “A Doctor’s Touch,” by Dr. Abraham Verghese, a physician and writer.  Dr. Verghese observes that patients in today’s world are treated by their doctors more as data points and as objects than as human beings. He notices, for example, how medical students discuss a patient’s condition by meeting around a conference table and discussing the patient’s computer file, rather than by circling the patient’s bed and using their hands to examine and connect with the patient. But the video goes much deeper than this.

There are important themes around ritual and connection that go way beyond the video’s medical context. Dr. Verghese’s message has implications not only for doctors but also for engineers, attorneys, executives, leaders, and especially coaches. Before going any further, I invite you to set aside 18 minutes and 32 seconds to watch this video. Then, finish reading this blog. If you’re reading this at the MasterCoaches website on a Flash-enabled device, simply click the play button on the video player below (refresh your browser if you don’t see it). You can also view the video at the TED website.

Warning: the text that follows is a spoiler. Watch the video first!

Assuming you watched the video, take a deep breath. Take a moment to be with Dr. Verghese’s final message: “I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you through the end.” Do these words sound familiar? Great people in history have uttered them, and so have great parents, friends, and bosses. Even more powerful than the words is the subtext of love, care and concern underneath them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physician at a patient’s bedside, or a father kissing his children goodnight, or an executive having a difficult conversation with one of her direct reports — we can all use the same subtext. The words coming out of our mouth are essentially meaningless. The context we give them and the emotional subtext underneath, however, make all the difference. I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you through the end.

Dr. Verghese also speaks of the power of ritual to transform. “The ritual of one individual coming to another and telling them things that they wouldn’t tell their preacher or rabbi….I would submit to you that this is a ritual of exceeding importance. And if we bypass that ritual…we have bypassed the opportunity to seal the patient-physician [or parent-child, or leader-follower] relationship.” Unfortunately, our fast-paced, technologically-intensive societies have moved us away from rituals. We have allowed rules and procedures to replace them. We have become inattentive.

My simple definition of ritual is a practice done with consciousness. It’s a practice that we engage in with all the presence and awareness that we can muster. As we engage in the ritual, something much higher than ourselves takes over. Transformation now becomes a real possibility. Every ritual is an invitation for the sacred to show up powerfully in the interaction.

My father was a physician, and a darn good one. When I was a young boy in Cuba, I remember how patients would come to our house in the afternoon and sit on the rocking chairs on our front porch, waiting for their turn to see my father. I remember my dad demonstrating to me the “percussion” method described in the video. He explained how the tapping (a precursor to the ultrasound) helped him examine and diagnose his patients. Dr. Verghese’s words “the power of the human hand to touch, to comfort, to diagnose, and to bring treatment” transported me back to those special moments with my father. My father had a powerful ritual that allowed him to connect with those he served.

I invite you to look at the practices you have in your life. Are they rituals? Is the sacred present?

As we engage in intellectual discussions with our colleagues, let’s invite our humanity to show up. We cannot lead or influence unless we’ve earned the right to do so — by connecting to something very deep in the mind, heart and soul of those we serve.

authenticty

The topics of authenticity and why people do what they do have been coming up a lot lately in both my personal and professional lives. From threads on LinkedIn to an art walk at my local museum, I’ve been noticing a variety of perspectives on this. All have validity. But what is useful? How is authenticity and the purpose that drives actions and outcomes related?

Let’s start with the basics. I googled “authenticity” and that revered source of all things people believe to be factual, Wikipedia, defines it as the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite the pressures of external forces. In terms of leadership, a LinkedIn thread I was following focused on the alignment between the walk and the talk. Interestingly, when the recession began to hit I noticed from my work that authenticity was now becoming a competitive advantage. I suppose it was a supply and demand issue, as hard times revealed the worst in many leaders, exposed for their duplicity. In fat times I guess it’s easy to overlook as long as everyone’s enjoying the party.

That’s a good segue into the topic of purpose, or why people do what they do. Let’s start at the top, the top tier

THAT is the question!

of what the Tribal Leadership folks call stages 4 and 5. For those unfamiliar with Tribal Leadership see some of my prior blogposts. Also check out the TL website. This is where people are coalesced around core values and a noble cause, and have the developmental capacity to deeply appreciate the value of collaboration for the sake of something bigger than the individual. Core values aren’t just any values, but those values that give life it’s vitality, the ones you can’t live without manifesting without dire consequences. A noble cause isn’t just any purpose. It’s big. Bigger than the individual. It’s for the greater good, of an organization, or of humanity.

I don’t think there’s a lot of debate about the value of that kind of purpose. Of course it would move people to do great things. One might even say it’s the source of all great things. But how does this apply to everyday people hunkered down doing their jobs? The customer service rep on the phone? The store manager? Even your doctor? Is everyone purpose driven, let alone acting authentically? Apparently not. Should they be? Could they be?

Me first

I noticed that when I introduce leaders to the Tribal Leadership model they are fairly universally interested in moving people up, including themselves, to the highest stages where people are no longer a pain the ass. A place where everyone connects the dots and does the right things. But I noticed a shadow side (you can’t have light without casting a shadow!). There’s invariably a disdain for all things below stage 4. Stages 4 and 5 are where that “we perspective” thrives and collaboration just happens. What’s not to like? As we all tend to do with hierarchies, we’re eager to jump ship and get to that higher level (or tell ourselves we’re already there). No leader left behind. Just knowing we’re not at or near the top is enough to move us into action. The positive take would be to say he’s doing the right thing even if for the wrong reason. But is he?

Here’s where authenticity may be rearing it’s head. I would say that unless the leader is herself at stage 4, looking out

can we have authentic crap?

for a greater good and operating from a values-based perspective, efforts aimed at collaboration and teamwork run the risk of being experienced as inauthentic, or at the least not resulting in the gains possible from a true “we-perspective.” And that has it’s own consequences. But there are nuances here. From a stage 3 perspective, such efforts would naturally, authentically, serve stage 3 goals for success and achievement. Stereotypically that’s probably the norm. But would words about collaboration, doing what’s right for the company and a sense of “us” ring true for most people? Would it land more like senior leadership continuing to pull down 7-figure salaries while there are layoffs and freezes on hiring or raises? Would efforts of support for upgrading the culture to the next stage be perceived as thinly veiled tactics to serve the leader’s agenda? Or would it be perceived from a stage lens as authentic and simply “demonstrate” that teamwork and collaboration isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? I see these as inquiries to engage in more than simple questions.

I once had a colleague tell me that you could never take another person to a place you yourself hadn’t been. I distinctly recall not liking to hear that. It meant I had to look in the mirror and objectively accept the work I had to do before I could do my work. That’s a lot of work in there. But I couldn’t honestly deny the truth in those words. Leaders do have to go first. That’s part of being a leader!

So what do you do when you have a stage 3 leader excited about upgrading the culture, and right now?

• First, that leader needs to assess what stage he is at. Authentically.
• If you’re not quite at stage 4, engage in getting there. See below and also these action steps.
• If you’re working with that leader you can do this concurrently while still working on upgrading the larger culture. The phrase “you’re not the teacher you’re the lesson” can go a long way here.

Take a good look in the mirror

If you are that leader, find a mentor or coach who is already there. Seek out relationships with those you see as being at stage 4. As the Tribal Leadership folks say, pay attention to the language they use and the relationships they have. Once you understand those distinctions (read the book?) you will know what to look for. Or perhaps take the Tribal Leader Intensives. From speaking with my colleague who’s done that, I get the impression that’s a key point of them being intensives. They want you to get this in your bones, not just understand it in your head.

At some level we all have a nose for authenticity. Some better than others, but we know. Someone asked in a thread I was following why so many leaders get away with being inauthentic. There could be a number of reasons. If I’m at stage 3 too then any “we-talk” is occurring to me through my “me” filter also, so I don’t necessarily experience any disconnect! But that won’t ever lead to the gains possible from a truly stage 4 way of experiencing the world. Also from that frame of reference I myself may simply want to emulate that leader and enjoy his success. And if I’m at stage 2, well, it’s just my cross to bear. In any case, a developmental perspective opens up a broader scope of possibilities in understanding and acting upon these nuances.

I say if you’re going to make the investment to upgrade an organizational culture, protect your investment and do it right. Grow yourself first. A wiser man than me said “be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s worth the effort. For all of us.

What are your thoughts about this conversation? We’d love to hear from you!

teacher to be

the leadership skills this young man mustered to meet the demands of this unusually challenging position. It’s a program geared for students completing GED’s and needing experience with job seeking skills, such as resume writing and interviewing. It also includes exposure to different career opportunities. The population is diverse and challenging.

When Dylan was first telling me about the challenges of teaching 30 self-paced students an array of basic skills in three days I thought I had some good suggestions. I was quickly schooled in the paradoxical realities created by legislators who apparently have little regard for connecting intentions with resources. But Dylan is creative and caring and he finds ways to deliver as much useful content as he can in the brief time allotted for students passing through the program. What I didn’t expect was the wisdom he relied on to create a space for this to happen.

student mayhem

When I said the population was diverse, I wasn’t referring to typical demographics. Some students are court-ordered. Some are under 18 with driver’s licenses so they are also required to take these classes. Others are seeking their GED or simply looking to round out their education with practical skills to help them get jobs. The motivations to be there vary as much as the foundations with which they show up. With up to 30 students in one room, self-paced and working on different topics, with only one teacher (or administrator, as Dylan describes the role, since time for actual teaching is minimal), classroom management is a major priority.

I was struck by the timeless wisdom my son shared with me.He recounted how one student baked a cake for Dylan’s birthday, how he makes it a point to say “good morning” to every student and remember their names, and how even the gang members show him respect. This is in contrast to his experienced counterpart, who will frequently be escorting students to the vice-principal’s office. Dylan says “You just have to treat them with respect. It’s the little things that count. I treat them like people.” The battle-worn veteran teacher will yell from behind his desk at a troublemaker, thus disrupting the class and calling out the gang member who now must save face.

leadership challenges in the classroom

Dylan described to me his approach: “I slowly get up and walk around the class, taking my time, stopping to help students as they work. I make my way to the disruptive student in a roundabout way, not drawing attention to him. When I get to him, I ask what he needs help with. I add that he must need some assistance, since he’s talking so loudly and apparently off track. I don’t say it sarcastically, but really trying to connect. Usually they appreciate the 1:1 and get on track. If not, the next time I just change their seats to eliminate the temptation. I’ve never needed to take anyone to the office. I don’t get back talk. I get a connection.”

It's the little things that count

Dylan’s Lessons:

• It’s the little things that count. Those small gestures add up and they are remembered.

• Showing respect is paramount. You get what you give.

• You need to care. Remember why you’re there and do your best to fulfill on that.

• People know when you’re being authentic. It’s worth taking the time to find that balance between making an honest connection and maintaining needed boundaries.

• Enjoy your work. That connection (or lack of) to what you’re doing shows. It makes a difference.

I found the lessons from this young man to be worth sharing. It’s easy for veteran leaders to get jaded and lose sight of the fact that’s happened. Expedience overshadows our original intentions. We forget that outcomes are invariably a consequence of human interaction, and people prefer to be handled with care. We forget the golden rule.

Learn what teachers make in 3 minutes, here, you won’t be disappointed!

Coaching Inquiries:

• To what degree have you been intentional about “the little things” in your day to day interactions at work?

• Recall times in your own life where the little things made a difference to you. How can you pay it forward today?

• In what ways is “respect” a value that is consistently manifested in your company culture? If it isn’t, how might that make a difference and what new actions can you take to start that process? Inquire similarly about other values mentioned above, like caring and authenticity (or other values you hold dear).

 Evolving company cultures has been shown to increase Key Performance Indicators by 300-500%! Contact us to discuss how this could apply at your organization.