It’s a fact that we are naturally more attracted to people who exude confidence. Confident people tell us: “Hey, I like me. I have something of value and you should take the time to get to know me to find out what this is.” Being confident in a social environment makes you seem interesting and worth the time and effort it will take to get to know you.

It’s not always easy and it doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially because confidence starts much deeper; with your self-esteem. I came accross this 4 week course hosted by Inner Coaching, called  ‘Vibrant Life – build your confidence and esteem’. It starts Tuesday, 10 May and will help you build a solid sense of self-esteem and strong self confidence. Not only for your love life, but also at work, home and socially. For more details, visit: http://bit.ly/vibrantlifecourse

If your confidence isn’t an issue but you’re not meeting any new people, I stumbled upon this novel idea called ‘Icebreaker Singles Party’. It’s a fun singles get together at Churchills in Melrose Arch with an icebreaker meet and greet game. The next event is on Sunday, 1 May. Contact singleseventsjhb@gmail.com for further details.

You know what ‘they’ say: “Nothing ventured…”

Step 1: Think about where you see yourself romantically 5 years from now. What is the best possible situation you see yourself in? Are you happily married? What type of relationship is it? How do you treat each other? Create your own amazing Relationship Vision. Take your time with this step and really challenge your thinking around how much you are allowing yourself to achieve in this area of your life. 

Step 2: What is one really big thing that you can do or achieve on your way to fulfilling your Relationship Vision? It is important to note that you cannot control someone else’s behaviour, only your own, so reflect on what action you can take to move closer to making your Relationship Vision a reality.

Step 3: Now think about what keeps getting in your way to making Step 2 a reality? What is holding you back? It could be fear, a thought or another action.

Step 4: Identify 1 thing that you can do this week to move forward in this area of your life. Perhaps there are a couple of options available to you. List them all, then select one you feel will be most impactful to this situation.

Repeat step 2, 3 and 4 again and again and again. Get it?

If you need help with identifying your action step just send me an email or leave a comment below and I will gladly assist.

It doesn’t have to be hard to find love and you don’t need to do it alone either. If you are committed to turning things around I am hosting an Abundant Dating Group Workshop, starting Thursday, 7 April. Follow this link for more information but hurry as there are only 4 seats left!

Date Coaching Advice

Dating Coach and Matchmaker Bonita Grobbelaar says the answer to this question is quite simple: “My clients expect me to dish out some top secret GPS location as to where these phenomenal men are located.”

The first problem is a faulty filtering system. Most women may say they are looking for a good guy, someone emotionally available, honest and perhaps even a good communicator. Although this is a good strategy for long term relationship success, most of us unknowingly chase short term gratification: Passion, attraction, sex appeal – an excellent recipe for a hot mess further down the line.

These men that we deem to think of as elusive are… Wait for it: …actually all around us. They live amongst us; eat at the table beside us; and even stand in the queues behind us to pay for their parking tickets. You don’t need to hang out in a seedy bar to meet Mr Perfect and you probably won’t find a decent, upstanding citizen there anyway.

But then why aren’t you meeting men? Grobbelaar says: “Women come across as being unapproachable. If you want to be more approachable, then you need to approach men.” According to Grobbelaar there is nothing wrong with making the first move as long as you never ask a man out on a date. Heck, you can even use leap year as an excuse if you absolutely have to.

If you’re interested in finding out how to approach men whilst maintaining your dignity, she is hosting a live event: ‘How To Meet Quality Men’ on Thursday, 3 March at 18:00 at the Bryanston Country Club. Tickets can be purchased at www.matchvip.co.za/events.html

How To Meet QUality Men

Matchmaker and Dating Coach, Bonita and her family

I hope your holiday was fabulous and that you are well rested for the year ahead. I have some good news from MatchVIP Dating Services: Starting Monday, 1 February I will be hosting Group Coaching Workshops for singles wanting to create radical change in their personal and dating life. For some insight on what we will achieve, have a look at this testimonial from a recent client: “Making the decision to sign up for coaching sessions with you has been a life changing experience for me. You’ve helped me realise I had a wrong belief system or perception that was contradicting what I really want in life, especially when it comes to developing a healthy relationship with a male companion. Through our sessions I have learned to understand my worth as a woman and have come to realise all the great personality traits that I have. This really boosted my self-esteem and confidence. You taught me the art of great conversation and how to interact with the world around me. You’ve helped me develop new life rituals, practical things which I am able to do in my everyday life, most importantly they fulfil and enrich my life, and in this way I also get to meet like-minded people. I have been making great progress so far and I know it’s only a matter of time before I meet my match. Thanks very much you have been a blessing in my life!”

If you are looking for a life changing experience, then contact a Dating Coach at MatchVIP Dating Services: 072 582 4345  / info@matchvip.co.za for further information.

*** Warning: This program wil not change your life. What you do with this program wil change your life! Only serious applicants need apply.*** ]]> http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2016/01/06/a-life-changing-experience/feed/ 0 http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2015/12/09/how-a-low-self-esteem-could-be-holding-you-back/ http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2015/12/09/how-a-low-self-esteem-could-be-holding-you-back/#comments Wed, 09 Dec 2015 08:48:49 +0000 http://blog.matchvip.co.za/?p=517124 Your belief system is your reality.

What is important to note, is that even though it is your reality, it isn’t necessarily the truth as we each live by our own sets of truths. As we are all unique with various different life experiences, every person’s reality or truth does differ quite substantially.

Perhaps this concept could be easier explained by the use of an example I often refer to when dealing with Dating Coach clients:

Imagine the scenario where two female friends are walking in a shopping centre. They walk past an attractive guy. He makes eye contact and smiles at both of them. These two ladies could be experiencing that exact moment very differently. Let’s say lady A (Amanda), has a great self-esteem and lady B (Bianca) has a rather low self-esteem: How do you think they would experience that smile, at that very same moment, quite differently?  Amanda would probably smile back and think: Oh, he likes me for sure. Whilst Bianca may be thinking something in the line of: He smiled at me, what’s wrong? Maybe my lipstick is smudged.

Can you see now how damaging a low self-esteem can be to your everyday life and just daily experiences? Your belief system could be a false truth that you have created for yourself and could be holding you back from living the life you deserve. Yes, a false belief system can be keeping you from reaching your full potential in life.

Perhaps it is time that you start taking control of your thoughts and the way you think about yourself. There is never a better time than now!

Contact a professional Dating Coach at MatchVIP Dating Services and start living the life you deserve!

But understanding the true impact that a low or misguided self-esteem has on your everyday life is vital to driving change in this area of your life. When I work with Dating Coach clients at MatchVIP Dating Services, the awareness of how your inner voice affects your everyday life is usually a pretty good motivator for change.

I an effort to truly understand how our inner voice affects our everyday life, it is a good idea to refer to the Iceberg Model:

In the illustration above it is clear that 10% of the iceberg is above the waterline and can be seen in plain sight. This represents our behaviour. So the words we say, the tone in which we say them, our body language and gestures. These include our actions and behaviors, but specifically how we react to certain situations in life.

Our actions however are only 10% of the information. 90% of the reason why we act or react in a certain way is deeply buried under the water. Our actions are driven by strong belief systems, value systems, experiences, fears, dreams and feelings. So typically what we feel and think based on deeply rooted programming.

The drivers of our behaviour are deeply entrenched as we start forming these beliefs since childhood. So even though you can’t see it, it is pretty much your reality and affects your way of thinking and your daily interactions with other.

Tune in next week for more from MatchVIP Dating Services to see how your reality could differ from the truth…

Last week we looked at how your past impacts your future, but the current situation that you find yourself in also affects your self-esteem. This means that we have more control, to some degree, over our self-esteem based on the environment we find ourselves in.

At MatchVIP Dating Services I often meet highly successful and confident individuals who have no self-esteem problems when it comes to their professions or careers. Yes, the confident people you see at the office may also have low self-esteem. As you become more experienced and adept as what it is you do for a living (this is only natural as most people spend 8+ hours, 5 days a week at work), you become more confident, take more chances and thereby build your self-esteem. The members at MatchVIP Dating Services are Professional Dating and specialise in a certain field or career path and tend to become really specialised at what they do. They are also paid substantial salaries every month, which further increasing their levels of esteem.

The problem more often than not, and that we deal with in our Dating Coach services is that this confidence very rarely spills over into their family and social life. This is something easily bridged in a couple of Dating Coach sessions.

I refer to a client I coached at MatchVIP Dating Services recently, let’s call her Elizabeth. She is a highly qualified young lady, has a Post Graduate Degree in science and maths, and decided to become a high school teacher. She was obviously over-qualified for the job at hand and really excelled at work. In fact, she felt the school was taking advantage of her to some extent so a lot of the work we did together entailed establishing healthy boundaries. But that’s an entirely different subject matter for matchmaker advice…

Elizabeth was confident at school with her co-workers and pupils. She wasn’t afraid to get the job done, to voice her opinion and to stand in front of an entire assembly of learners and parents, but put her in a social setting and you wouldn’t even know she was there. She wouldn’t make eye contact or attempt to start or continue a conversation. Deep down, she felt that she wasn’t interesting enough and didn’t have much value to add to a conversation.

Through a lot of hard work and dedicated Dating Coach sessions we managed to bridge her work persona to her social persona, allowing her to comfortably and confidently interact in various social situations. 

Matchmaker and Dating Service Advice

This is a rather important statement as it means what you think of yourself and how you relate to the world around you is largely impacted on what you were taught to believe about yourself since early childhood. So if you didn’t have supportive parents, caregivers or siblings who understood the lifelong impact of how they treated you back then, you may have gotten off to a rocky start in life.

How does our past affect our self-esteem? Perhaps it would be better illustrated by an example of one of my Dating Coaching clients I worked with, not too long ago at MatchVIP Dating Services. Let’s call her Tessa.

Tessa, is a 40 year old primary school teacher. A beautiful, slender, well dressed, well taken care of lady with an even more beautiful disposition. She has pretty much all she needs on the outside to meet the perfect man, yet he had eluded her for her entire grown-up life. Yes that’s right: Tessa (as beautiful as she was), had never been in a serious relationship by the age of 40.

Upon unpacking the challenges that she was facing in her dating life, we quickly identified just how far back and deeply rooted her self-esteem issues reached. Tessa grew up in a home with two much older sisters and a mother who didn’t pay much attention to her. She was the baby in the family, but instead of being spoilt rotten, she was constantly told to leave the room, or go away, or shut up because she was too young and didn’t know anything, or couldn’t participate, or just quite frankly irritated her sisters. So since she could walk she was programmed to believe that she is an irritation and should just stay out of people’s way.

As a grown up, Tessa believed she wasn’t good enough. This carried this over in her interactions with men, whom she avoided at all costs, believing she would be an irritation or not good enough for them. She had absolutely no professional dating or even corporate dating experience and was left in the dark feeling further and further isolated from life…

The good news is that with a lot of hard work and dedication from Tessa’s side we finally managed to overcome this obstacle through the Dating Coach services that MatchVIP Dating Services offer. She is now dating and having loads of fun while at it. Getting to know herself better each day and also getting to know and understand men and relationships a little better, day by day. Most importantly, she is interacting with men from a place of self-worth, making her seem more desirable and sexy.

I hope she meets ‘The One’ soon…

Dating Service Advice

Are you wondering what is really holding you back from the relationship you deserve? Why does it seem to be so difficult for you to find a great guy and have a great relationship? As a seasoned Dating Coach I can comfortably advise that the answer is quite simply: You! You may be your own worst enemy… 

Being in happy and healthy relationship starts with a healthy relationship with self as like attracts like. If you have low self-esteem you will probably find that you attract the same type of person who thinks very little of themselves too (having dire consequences for any long term relationship with this person). As a Matchmaker I often see singles making this mistake at MatchVIP Dating Services. Or even worse: You could end up attracting a person that treats you badly as you don’t believe you deserve any better.

Negative thought patterns about relationships and men will create your own reality. One in which you believe that all men or women are the same: They cheat, after one thing only, etc.  Sound familiar?  You then repeat destructive patterns by pre-empting the way you expect them to behave. You think you are protecting yourself, but in reality you are only pushing this person further and further away.

What you believe, is your reality and what you focus on you will only see more of. Perhaps it is time to put a stop to this once and for all?

MatchVIP Dating Services can help you with some Dating Coach and Matchmaker advice. We provide South Africa’s Corporate Dating singles with simple, yet practical ways to change their relationship outcomes for the better.

Dating and Self-Esteem

Here are some practical ways of going about it:

List 30 of your best character traits. What defines you, what type of person are you? What do you like most about yourself? It is also a good idea to get 10 or so of these traits from a close friend or relative. Someone who you trust a great deal as it shows you how others perceive you. Make sure you complete this list in full, before reading the second part of this exercise…

Right, now that you have completed this list, mark the masculine traits with an M and the more feminine traits with an F. You will soon see what you are composed off and that is it quite normal to have some of both qualities. The question here is which of the traits do you value and exhibit most and should you be focusing or exhibiting and nurturing traits that relate more to your birth energy?

The next step for my Dating Coach clients is to pick 5 or so of these traits / qualities and make an effort over the next week to actually live this trait. Be it and do it!

To help you out, I am listing some typical feminine and masculine traits for you:

Feminine: Nurture, Affection, Concern, Love, Support, Fun, Easy Going, Appreciative, Receptive, Mindful, Compassionate, Trusting, Caring, Vulnerable, Intuitive, Creative, Collaborative

Masculine: Take charge, Decisive, Strength, Aggression, Confidence, Ambition,  Directive, Visionary, Goal Oriented, Competitive, Driven, Providing, Giving

Dating Coach Advice