Material Maidel

worth a watch - NCSY Supermarket Takeover

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:34:00 +0000

the official shidduch resume

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:09:00 +0000

So I was trying to help my friend Shaindy out with her shidduch resume when we decided to see whether Google had any good templates for us to use.

We found this on Hashkafah.com. Feel free to print this out next time a Shadchan calls.

The Offical Shidduch Resume

(FOR GIRLS)
Name:_______________ Nick name:________________
Age:________________ Screen name:________________
DOB:_______________ Sign:__________________
Place of Birth:
City:________________ State:______________ Country:__________
Hospital:_______________ Doctor:_______________ Midwife:_______________
Height:
With heels on:_______________
Without heels on:________________
Weight:
Before sister's wedding:______________
After sister's sheva brachos:_______________
Color Eyes:
With contact lenses:____________ Without contact lenses:_________
Religious Affiliation:
A. Jewish:
( ) FFB (Frum From Birth)
( ) BT
( ) OT
( ) Out of towner
( ) Regular orthodox
( ) Modern orthodox
B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed
a) Playgroup:_____________
B) Preschool:_____________
c) Elementary School:______________
d) High School:_____________
e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya'akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may attach additional paper to the back of this
resume).
f) Day Camp:_____________
g) Sleep-away Camp:_______________
h) Seminary:_______________
*Why davka this one__________________________________________________.
*Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please
specify:_____________________________________________________________.
GETTING PERSONAL:
1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya'akov Monsey?_________________.
2) Are you really a hocker??
Check if you have any of these:
___ # of cellphone(s)
___ # beeper(s)
___ # of blowdrier(s)
___ Type of car(s)
___ VCR/DVD
___ TV
___ computer with email
___ computer with internet
___ computer with Koshernet
3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy's Choir?
No____ Yes_____ (If yes, please specify # and which ones) ____________________________________
THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY SEEM A BIT UNUSUAL, HOWEVER, PROFESSIONAL SHADCHANIM KNOW WHAT REALLY DETERMINES A GIRL'S CHARACTER.
4) What midda really defines your character? _____________________.
5) What do you do to relax?
A. Eat
B. Get you nails/hair done
C. Go shopping
D. Talk on the phone
E. Say Tehillim
F. Design your wedding gown
6) How much food do you need to be satisfied?
A. One slice of pizza, french fries or onion rings and a diet coke
B. Half a burger or hotdog
C. Salad, salad, and more salad
D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses
E. Satisified? Never, I'm on a diet!
7) What are your eyebrows like?
A. I wax once a month
B. So thick I have to tweeze every-other night
C. Very sparse, I need to color them in
D. Non-existent is in, didn't you see the latest cover of Seventeen?
8) During the Oscar's, you are:
A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah
B. Watching for tips
C. Watching ER
D. The Oscar's, what's that?
9) Are your suits:
A. Long jacket, long skirt
B. Long jacket, short skirt
C. Short jacket, long skirt
D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)
E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt
10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe?
A. Once a year
B. Every time I see one I like
C. Whenever they go on sale
D. Twice in a life time (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY"H)
11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?
A. 1-3
B. 3-5
C. I don't get dressed
12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date?
A. I don't, a ponytail is good enough for me
B. 10 minutes
C. 20-40 minutes
D. 60+ minutes
13) What do you use to do your hair?
A. Brush only
B. Blowdrier
C. Straightner/Curler
D. Gel/Mouse
E. All of the above
14) What brand of make-up do you use?
A. My mother doesn't let me wear make-up
B. Whatever is on sale at Target
C. Mary Kay
D. Clinique/Lancome/Estee Lauder/MAC
15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy's?
A. New make-up
B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes
C. Lingerie
D. Macy's chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda's!
E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week
FAMILY MATTERS:
16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?
A. Disposable
B. Pink with lace
C. Classic white
17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?
A. What Oneg Shabbos? We're all on diets!
B. Only Pashkes and Liebers
C. For those over 16- diet coke, 15 and under- fruit punch
D. Dried fruit
E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table
18) What's your retail value on the market? $$$__________
19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?
A. Neitz, I'm usually up anyways
B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema
C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot
D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!
20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ______________
21) What's your favorite page in a yearbook?
A. Baby pictures, they're just sooo cute!
B. Divrei Torah
C. Class pictures
D. Jokes and memories
E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers
22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you:
A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4
B. Count calories
C. If it’s PMS time, I'll grab the whole box
D. I will not succumb to this great taiva
23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?
A. Look down, I'm makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact)
B. Run back into my house and call the shadchan
C. I say thank you, and get in
D. Blush and get in silently
24) What's your favorite dating spot?
A. Lounge
B. Lounge
C. Lounge
D. Other??? Couldn't come up with any!
25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you:
A. Look down the whole meal
B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent
C. Talk about politics
D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table
E. Eat at your friend's
26) What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?
A. My mascara shmeared
B. My hair frizzed in the rain
C. He forgot my name
D. Too many quiet moments
E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees
F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge
27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?
A. My parents are forcing me
B. I want a baby
C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel
D. I can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours
E. All my friends are
28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:
A. One phone call, I'm 20, an alta kakah
B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim
C. Money makes things move pretty quickly
D. He has to be my mother's cousin's sister's mother-in-law's best friend's son
E. If he attends the Mir
F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress
29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?
A. Living on a kollel salary
B. Letting your husband learn half a day
C. Eating out only once a week
D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls)
E. Doing my nails myself
30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?
A. I throw really cool parties
B. I wear a size 4
C. I have great yichus
D. I can talk on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby
E. I have a great personality, real modest
F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund
31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:
A. A plain band
B. A nice 1 carat diamond
C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds
D. I'll take what I can get
E. Anything from Tiffany's or Cartier
I, _____________________ promise that everything I have answered above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.
SIGNATURE: ____________________

betty draper syndrome

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:15:00 +0000

You've got to watch Mad Men to get what I'm about to write.

Don't worry, the show is pretty clean. Well, in comparison to anything on HBO anyway. If you don't have cable here's a brief synopsis of one of the show's most interesting characters.

Betty Draper is the model-turned-suburban homemaker, wife to Don Draper, the 1960's creative director at a NY advertising agency. He cheats, she knows; she cheats, he doesn't. They endure a brief separation but eventually get back together when she discovers she's pregnant with their third child. She sulks, she smokes (even while pregnant), she yells at her kids, she complains to her shrink (who then reports to her husband). She recently told her shrink that her mother "wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go ‘til you’re in a box?". It's like Valley of the Dolls only she hasn't yet discovered those little blue pills.

I was having sushi with some friends the other night when I met a group of my parents' acquaintances. The wives are classic Betty Drapers. They're not young anymore, but they're still trying hard to look it (I've actually seen some of them out wearing their bandages). They don't have jobs (which is fine by me, my mother shops for a living too and honestly, I wouldn't mind doing the same), but they don't really do much of anything else either. They all have gorgeous husbands (it's true, men do get better with age) with great salaries, but who spend more time eying their teenage babysitters than honoring their wedding vows. Maybe that's why their wives need to spend so much of their own time getting those brow wrinkles filled in with Restalyne.

the mm workout mix

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:13:00 +0000

Here's a new playlist I'm working on that's just for working out. The first 25 songs are ones that I've added - the rest is up to YOU! Add your fave songs that I can really run to. Something with a great beat - nothing slow!

Listen here.

the truth about kosher blowjobs

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:57:00 +0000

WARNING - this post may contain information that is not suitable for children, babysitters or BY teachers.

Thanks to Nameless Faceless for inspiring this one... her post made me realize that I've got to work on my gag reflex.

They used to say that Jewish girls don't give blowjobs.

Guess Monica Lewinsky changed that up. Or maybe she just 'blew' our cover - maybe we just wanted to keep our guys thinking that a BJ from a Jewish girl was a very rare and special gift, necessitating a very rare and special gift in return, preferably diamonds.

I think I was in middle school when the whole Bill Clinton scandal erupted. I didn't know what the big deal was - surely a cheating President was nothing new...(we'd all heard about JFK + Marilyn Monroe... and side note - don't I kinda look like her? Marilyn, not Monica)

I remember Barbara Walters asking Monica whether oral sex was considered sex. I was shocked by this question. Didn't Barbara know the difference? (I was actually also kind of surprised that someone over the age of 16 knew what oral sex was....I kinda thought our generation had invented it.)

At my co-ed MO day school, probably starting in middle school, bj's were something that happened. We all knew which girls were doing it, which boys they were doing it with, and we loved talking about them - and it. When you're at that age when you're learning about how your own body works, learning about how the opposite sex's body works feels like getting in on the hugest secret ever. And girls love sharing secrets. Some girls kept lists of their conquests (thank you feminism) and showed their lists to their 'best and closest friends' who in turn told everyone else. Sure those girls were labeled sluts, and sure we sang 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho' as they walked the halls, but maybe the rest of us were just a little jealous that these girls got to know and see what 'it' was all about.

Maybe it was because of the Bill-Monica situation, or maybe because word had finally reached adult ears of the 'infamy' of our school's girls... that the administration decided to take action. They hired one of the rabbi's wives to give us what was essentially a one-time sex-ed course, obviously not labelled as such. We basically spent two hours making her explain why bj's aren't kosher - she blushed the entire time and said it was 'yucky' and that she couldn't imagine doing that with her husband. I think we were more than happy to hear that last part. I don't think anything else she said was all that effective.

So are bj's kosher? Well - does it really matter? Even if it isn't, will it stop anyone?

things that frum weddings can do without

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:51:00 +0000

This one's inspired by Bad4Shidduchim's recent post about how she hates the whole maypole umbrella 'tradition' that is now a part of every frum wedding. (personally, I don't really mind it...it makes for great pics! and it's practically how you know the wedding you're at is Jewish - no matter what the original origin of the thing)

Here are some things I don't think Frum weddings realllly need (if only because these things sometimes puzzle me or just plain get on my nerves):

1) Simcha Dancing - or, as I like to call it, Square Dancing. Because no one is ever really any good at it and no one ever looks good doing it, except for the one or two girls who decide to go off in a corner of the dance floor and pull moves you know they practice at home. Rarely is the Kallah actually involved in the routine - and all it does is confuse everybody else and put a halt to the REAL dancing - you know, where everyone squeezes together in disjointed circles around the perspiring bride.

2) Lifting of the Bride by women in stilettos - I think if there is any moment in a girl's life where she should give in to non-Shomer desires, this is it. If what was supposed to happen in the Yichud room went according to plan, then surely the bride won't mind letting a few more sweaty guys get a little close. Let the men lift her people! It's a matter of life and death. No seriously, we've all heard that one story about the bride who spent her wedding night in the hospital because of a bad chair-lift. And why is there always that one girl in size-double-zero dress wearing six-inch heels part of the lift crew? I see a chairlift and I step away - there's no reason to get into a situation where you're potentially liable for a lawsuit.

3) And speaking of which..... putting the bride on a table is NOT safe either. I say this from personal experience, where I thought that we had killed the bride, as a table leg broke and she came crashing to the ground. Not a happy memory.

4) The three-dance rule. I hate rules. And if the bride is someone I really like, and if I'm having a great time, I don't see why the band has to stop playing after just three rounds of circle-time. One time, I got yelled at by a DJ when I asked him to play just one more song. (he must've been off his meds - wish I remembered his name so I could tell you who not to use)

5) People talking during the Chuppah. This is almost worse than talking during Shul. So disrespectful. Ok, I'll admit - I am sometimes guilty of this too. (this is often the best time to get all the gossip about the groom's illegitimate brother and his uncle's recent jail-time). But when the noise level of the crowd is so bad that you can barely hear the Chussan step on the glass, there is a problem.

6) Bad Sushi - there's no secret that sushi is the way to my heart. But sushi at weddings is rarely any good, or even passable. And how exactly are people supposed to use the soy sauce? Even when my craving overrules my palate, I hate eating Sushi at shmorgs (well really, I hate eating at shmorgs) because there really is no polite way to eat a piece besides stuffing the entire thing in my mouth. Definitely not polite to have a mouthful of rice when I'm busy saying hello to each of my hundred second cousins. Still, I applaud the efforts of families who actually do bother to spend some dough on a decent shmorg. (if you're really bored right now, go look up the word 'shmorg' at http://www.urbandictionary.com/)

7) Bright Lights - I know old people hate the dimmer switch, but I personally think it adds ambiance. I hate when weddings are brightly lit - in a room where everyone's wearing entire jars of MAC, you'd think halls would be glad to save some money off their electric bills. Apparently some places (eden palace) actually don't let you lower the lights for the Chuppah. Ladies, I think this calls for a protest.

8) Bridal gowns with non-detachable trains. Someone needs to speak to Kleinfelds. There is no reason why a girl's gown needs to give her such a headache when she's trying to dance. Every bride spends at least 20 minutes surrounded by a team of 20 people trying to figure out what to do with all those ties and buttons that supposedly bustles up the dress. I have yet to see this actually work. What usually happens - that big long train gets tied into one big knot.

9) Weddings that end too early - I still haven't gotten used to that part of living in NY. Where I'm from, dessert tables are brought out at midnight and if I'm home before one it means I wasn't having a good time.

10) The bar on the wrong side of the Mechitza. Unless a girl is brave enough to cross over, need I say more?

does my voice turn you on?

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:00:00 +0000

I hate the whole 'Judaism is sexist' movement - because I really don't think that it is, or rather, that it is meant to be. I was raised and educated to believe that women are equal but different. That women have just as many rights, and way fewer obligations in terms of our religion, which is really just how I like it.
I like that I don't have to get up at 6 in the morning to daven with a minyan. I like that I don't have to wear extra articles of clothing. I like that I get to thank G-d for making me the way I am (I always thought of it as a compliment, thanking Hashem for making us perfect - and something that men don't get to say).

One thing that does kinda get on my nerves is the whole Kol Isha thing. I'm usually a 'na'aseh v'nishma' girl, and while I do 'do' this mitzvah, sometimes I wish this one weren't so serious. I have some friends with truly amazing voices, two who even take professional voice lessons and could definitely get famous or star on Broadway if it weren't for the Kol Isha issues. Sure, they could probably still make it in the 'women's only' section at Eichler's, but I wish they could do a little better with the talent Hashem gave them.

Then there's the whole awkward, what-do-I-do-when-everyone-else-is-singing-zmiros thing on Shabbos. At my house, I've been blessed with a father who sings tunes that no one else ever knows (our family joke is that it's probably because he makes them up as he goes along). And so, I don't really do that much singing at home.

But when I'm at someone else's place, it can get a little confusing. Some people hold by the 'kol isha doesn't count if there are guys singing too' philosophy. Which is totally cool in my books and which is how my MO day school held. But other people are a little more strict about the whole thing. Which I'm cool with too - because really, I don't think my voice is all that delightful. But when the family has a house full of daughters who do get to sing, I kinda feel left out. And sometimes it's hard to tell how a family holds. So if I'm in a house where people expect their female guests to sing - am I being rude if I don't?

Going back to my issues with the issue - I do sort of understand why Kol Isha was invented in the first place. Singing can definitely be sexy. Who knows - maybe the Rabbis of the Talmud predicted just how sexy it would get. (anyone hear Britney's latest explicit single, '3'?) But for every Britney and Madonna, there's a Regina Spektor - who sells tickets based on her voice not on her 'performance' (well, so far at least). Why do the frum Reginas of the world have to stay quiet?

All I know is this..... my voice = definitely not sexy.

boys who talk to breasts

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 05:21:00 +0000

This post might be a little cliché, but considering that my breasts have been included in conversation at least three times today, I thought that maybe they were also deserving of a write-up.
Yes, I know that you're looking at them.
And yes, I saw you jerk when you saw that I saw you looking. You jerk.
I get it - you're a guy. You can't help yourself. You see a girl with big boobs and your man-instinct goes into overdrive.
(interestingly enough, being married with kids hasn't stopped one of today's men)
Is it my fault if I sometimes have cleavage issues? Maybe I should be more careful about covering up the collarbones, but I just don't look as good in a turtleneck. (and they aren't even in style this season) Maybe subconsciously I like the attention. Maybe I only notice the attention when I'm being self-conscious. Do you also look when I'm wearing a high-necked Kikki-Rikki?
I used to get offended when a guy would comment on my chest (admittedly, I've hung around the wrong type of guys in the past). Maybe I've gotten so used to it, that I just don't care anymore. I actually kind of smile and say thank you. Maybe I should stop that. It only encourages them.

Secular College vs Stern

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:25:00 +0000

This is in response to an article written by Rabbi Reuven Spolter over at the Jewish Star blog. He basically argues that sending your child to a secular college endangers his or her orthodoxy.

Wow. Talk about living in a bubble. Talk about a great PR piece for YU. Did they pay for him to write this?

Here's the thing - MO or O kids are only 'in danger' of going 'off the derech' if they're on shaky ground to start with.
That's right - don't start blaming a secular college for your child's troubles. Those troubles start at home.

I go to a secular college. So do or have almost all of my closest friends. We're turning out alright. The ones who are no longer religious often come from homes where the importance of being religious was never properly transmitted.

I think you can tell the difference between someone who went to a secular college versus someone who chose the YU/Stern/Touro route. Having a conversation with someone in Group 2 feels like talking with someone still in high school, who only knows about the world from what Mommy, Daddy and their Morahs have taught them. Because let's face it - YU is basically just an MO high school for older kids. Same people, same cliques, same ideas.

People I know in Group 1 are a far more mature lot. They've been 'exposed' to people of other cultures and opinions. Which is not a bad thing, no matter what your Rebbe has told you. It's good to know about people of different races and religions who are not your cleaning ladies and are not featured on CNN. Socializing with people who are not Jewish and not Orthodox actually strengthened my own identity, my own uniqueness.

I remember having my 'aha' moment in freshman year. I realized that virtually everyone I met 'belonged' to some kind of group, to a community - whether it be the Asian Club or Robotics or the Honors Society. And as much as I maybe would have liked to belong to one of those groups - ok, maybe definitely not Robotics - I never would have fit in. Besides the fact that I could never pass for Korean, lots of those groups had meetings on Shabbos. Which, in a way, is something I'm grateful for. Because it let me realize which group I did belong to.

the serial engager

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:36:00 +0000

A friend of mine is engaged.
I usually end sentences like that with an exclamation mark.
I really would like to in this case.
But I'm just not sure that this situation merits that type of punctuation.
Thank the Good L-rd that she's one of the few who does not read MM.
Because I really don't think she'd want to read what I'm about to write.

Here's the thing -
She's engaged to a Serial Engager.
I know him from around town, my hometown. I've never actually had a convo with him. He once asked to be set up with me. I firmly declined that offer. There was no way I was going to be Fiance #5 on his list.
That's right - he's been engaged before.
About three or four times - that I know of.

How does he do it? At first glance, he is definitely not what you would expect of a Serial Engager.
He's not exactly attractive, somewhat short, somewhat balding, somewhat scrawny.
I know what you're thinking - but no, he's not rich.
Really a nothing-special guy.
Personality-wise, from what I hear, he's about a 4, no scratch that - a 2.

So how has he managed to get all these chicks to fall for him - or should I say 'stumble' because he hasn't actually managed to get any of them under the Chuppah - yet.
I know one or two of his fiances. These aren't homely dumb-ass girls who are desperate to get married.
Or are they?

Mazel Tov!!!

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:08:00 +0000

My fave fan, The Babysitter, is engaged!!!

Congrats M&S!!!

Am I invited to the wedding???

how to know if you're on a date

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:18:00 +0000

Have you ever been out with someone when you weren't sure what to make of it all?
I'm convinced that if there was one reason why girls and guys aren't meant to be 'just friends' - this is it.
When you're out with a bunch of people, it's cool - you know where you stand with the fellas you're with. You're in the 'friend zone'.
But what if its just you+him?
Did I mention that he's not gay? (that would make things SO much simpler)
How do you know that your little one-on-one is not something more?
If you're the only one he asked out - is that a date?
If he opens your car door for you - is that a date?
If he pays for your dinner - is that a date?
I wish I knew the answer to these questions...
Sometimes I think guys like keeping you questioning - it gives them an opt out if it turns out that you're just not that into him.

are you a virgin?

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:56:00 +0000

If so, and if you're going to be in Brooklyn on Sunday, October 25th - then you should def be at the Second Ever Single Kohain's event!

If you're a betulah or a Kohen, then go meet your beshert at this amazing evening. More info available on Facebook - or email StarSingles1@yahoo.com.

Gotta say - creative way to beat the shidduch crisis.....

How to Look Like MM

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 05:17:00 +0000

please don't stalk MM

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:01:00 +0000

Despite the in-yo-face hot pink theme here, MM seems to attract more than her share of male fans and admirers. In fact, most MM fans are SWM's (that's Single White Male for those of you have never laughed over the Dating Classifieds).
It's very flattering.
But then, what guy wouldn't want to get with a girl who looks like a Barbie doll (and has an awesome personality)?
MM often gets requests for personal info.
But MM likes her privacy.
Not saying that no one knows who the real MM is...
But if you act like an a$$hole, chances are, you'll never get to find out.

PS - you may think you know, but you have no idea...
PPS - and if you do find out, you'll find that the real MM can be a real b$tch.

Gilad shalit talks from prison (english subtitled)

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:35:00 +0000

why i love Sukkos

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Sukkos is one of my fave holidays.
Maybe because it meant having a ton of vacay days from school when I was a kid.
Maybe because it's kind of camping-esque, without the bears.
Maybe because it comes so soon after Yom Kippur. It's like reading an Archie Comic after finishing War & Peace. Having Mango Sorbet after Meatloaf. Watching the Hills after crying through Schindler's List.
Ok, I'm being dramatic. But you know what I mean, right?
I do have to admit that the Sukkos appeal does wear off come Day 4 or 5.
Day 1 and 2 are the best - the whole experience is still new, you're excited to show off your decorations and the new x-mas holiday lights, and how much bigger your Sukkah is than everyone else's on the block. (gotta admit, there is a little bit of a 'Keeping up with the Steins' mentality in my hood.)
But then it rains. That's one of those wonderful times when ladies are just fine with 'She'Asani Kirtsono' - because we get to sit inside :) .
Or even if it doesn't rain, somehow making the trip all the way to the Jewish version of a mobile home that sits on your back deck just seems sooo long when you're barely awake to find the soy milk in the fridge for your Special K.
Is this how it was when the Jews were leaving Egypt? All happy on Day 1 of their trek through the desert, and then asking to sit out on Day 5?
Maybe that's what this holiday is partly about... overcoming our laziness, overcoming our desire for comfort, learning to stick with something for more than a few days, and not just on the good and sunny days. Maybe we're supposed to prove to ourselves and to Hashem that we can do this - even when it rains and we would rather be couch potatoing with HBO.
Because if you can make it through 8 days of eating in the Sukkah, you can do anything.
I'm no rabbi, but I think I just kinda made a Dvar Torah.

the pre-date date

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:33:00 +0000

In two separate conversations that I had over the course of this past Shabbos, I learned about the latest fad in Brooklyn dating - the Pre-Date Date.

Convo #1 was with a good friend who also happens to be a Guy (i have some of those) and pretty Yeshivish (i have some of those too). He was telling me about some girl who was recently redd to him who asked that they meet for a casual thirty-minute session before they set up their date. He thought this was crazy - doesn't the pre-date qualify as a date? I didn't have a chance to talk to him at length about this - we were at a separate-seating bar mitzvah and to do so would have made me either look desperate or like a whore (which on a psychological level may be one and the same).

Convo #2 was at the same event, albeit with a Boro Park Mamma (when she heard I was single she stuck to me like glue) who told me how she tells all her kids to meet before they date. Kind of like a b'show, only not just for Chassidish people. Her take on this was that spending the mandatory 4 hours on a date (i never knew frum dates had specific schedules, but i should thank her for clearing it up for me) is a waste of time when often the couple knows within 20 minutes whether or not they are compatible (sometimes it feels like all I need is 10). So in a way, the pre-date date is a time-saver. It's also a money-saver considering how much some boys dish out on dates (but I'm not gonna complain about that).

What do you think? Should the pre-date date become the hot new trend in the shidduch world? I'm on the fence about this one - I kinda like the quick-and-easy approach... but, time-wise, it'll still take me 2 hours to get ready.

gmar chatima tovah

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:35:00 +0000

I want to wish you all a Gmar Chatima Tovah.
May you be sealed in the Book of Life.

If I have ever offended or hurt in you in any way, please forgive me.

kosher kaparos

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:36:00 +0000

Miri sent me this link to a CrownHeights.info article about PETA's latest campaign for an animal-free Kaparos.
I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing...
I definitely love my shwarma and steak, I often have trouble finding shoes to wear on Yom Kippur (the only ones that seem to be made out of synthetic material are my flip-flops) and I don't think I could survive winter without heated leather seats.
So I'm not exactly an animal lover... in fact, I HATE the zoo.
The only animal I actually do love is my malti-poo Daisy. (I've mentioned her before... as well as Jessica Simpson's pooch who, may she rest in peace, got eaten by a coyote. The dog - not Jessica.)
BUT...
It does make me sad when animals aren't treated nicely.
Which is why I don't eat veal - those baby cows aren't even given a chance to walk around the block a few times. I also get grossed out when I see whole chickens or a whole fish (with tail and head) on the dinner table. (one reason why I can't marry Sephard - I don't think I could start a new year off right sitting next to the head of a goat)
A few years ago, I happened to come across a PETA video online (before I even knew what PETA was... may I was looking for a recipe) that showed how horribly some animals are treated at the slaughterhouse. It may have been that rubashkin video. It still gives me nightmares.
So back to the Kaparos campaign.
First - DISCLAIMER - I've actually never witnessed the whole chicken kaparos in action. Nope, never. Not sure why. Maybe because my neighborhood isn't that shtark. Maybe because my family does everything last-minute, and I'm pretty sure that chickens and shoichets aren't that easy to come by ten minutes before Yom Kippur starts. And Baruch Hashem, there is always money lying around. Hashem, let's keep that up ;)
I remember using live fish once. That freaked me out. I don't think I would've survived the days when gefilte fish swam in bathtubs.
So because I've never actually been to a chicken kaparos, I can't really say whether not those animals are treated properly, per PETA-standards. I hope they are. It would make me sad if they weren't. And I don't know how kosher that would be.

Have a very sweet New Year :) Happy Rosh Hashanah!

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:21:00 +0000

mm's meme superpower

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:16:00 +0000

Mike In Midwood tagged me, so here goes...

Rule number 1: Read the rules.
Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.
Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.
Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.
Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

I have to let you in on a little secret before I tell you what my superpower is.

I used to be obsessed with Heroes.

Yup. I know. Does that surprise you?

Does that make me a closet nerd?

So anyhow - this means that I know A LOT about superpowers.

Anyone who watches the show knows that the best of the 'abilities' is the one where you get to absorb other people's powers. (think Sylar or Peter)

But I'm not that greedy. (although, the ability to make money multiply doesn't sound that bad)

So if I had to stick with one superpower, I'd probably choose the ability to time travel (à la Hiro, but maybe a little bit more refined in that I'd know where I'm going before I get there - definitely not à la Time Traveller's wife where the husband always travels naked). I'd love to travel back to when my parents were kids, visit my great-grandparents who I never got to meet, maybe even go back to the days of Shlomo Hamelech. Maybe I'd even get to change history - or be a part of it. That's the part that actually interests me most.

Ok - so I chose time travelling - a little typical and boring. But still pretty solid.

If I could choose another, this is what I'd want:
I know this isn't really a superpower, but it is magical, so I'll tell you about it anyway.
I would REALLY want a superpowered closet. Like a magical closet with every item of clothing every made or designed in the world, where everything fits gorgeously and is always in style. Kind of like the one Cher had in Clueless, but with more clothing options and less 1990's.

Bloggers tagged:

Surfin the Shidduch Scene - because she's creative and funny, and def a bestie!

Dude with Hat - because with his profile pic, he's already got the whole 'mysterious spy' thing going on - and that intrigues me.

Jessica - because I wonder if new moms wish for more sleep. And people with no sleep write funny stuff.

Lvnsm27 - because she's a Cali girl. Nuff said.

Altie - because she's a Lubie, and I love Lubies. I'm thinking her superpower will either mikarev everyone, bring Moshiach, or let her see through boy's beards.

Jacob da Jew - why not? i think i tag him every time ;)

Musing Maidel - because I dissed her in a post, and now I feel kinda bad.

boys with nice cars

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:26:00 +0000

When it comes to cars, I'm like most girls - I have no clue what's under the hood or how to fix a flat tire, but I do like lots of accessories. I remember the day my father surprised me with a new car. He phoned me from the dealership and asked me what kind of car I wanted. I said "Black".

Maybe because I have my own ride, or maybe just because I know nothing about cars, but whether a guy pulls up in a lemon or a Lexus doesn't really make a big diff to me.

I don't know where you live, but in Brooklyn these days, having a nice car is like having a nice house - no indication of what's in your bank account. Everyone knows someone who can get them a good deal. It isn't that hard to lease a luxury ride anymore. Even the boys working at kosher delight drive Escalades. (and let's not forget the boys who RENT to impress - which by the way, is so fakewood)

And then there are the boys who come from money, whose families actually do have gelt (well, as far as anyone knows, because espesh in our post-Madoff world, money isn't what it used to be). So they have fancy cars. That don't impress me much. They're just lucky their fathers were born before them. Because spending money is easy (I know, I'm pretty good at it). Making money is a whole other ballgame - and boys who know how to play that game are the kind that turn me on.

So if a boy turns up in a zeidymobile without a/c, but one that he paid for with his own sweat and tears, that's hot.

Maybe because after hearing this story I'm about to let you in on, I'm just happy the guy has his license.

I'm totally guilty of theft for telling you this, because the story is one for the books, but I'm sure my friend will moichel me come Yom Kippur.

So a little while ago, my lovely friend gets set up on yet another shidduch date. Everything checks out normal about this guy, and - big plus for my Canadian friend - the boy is willing to travel to her town for the date.

Date night comes and she's waiting for the boy to show. He arrives to her house a few minutes late looking a little disheveled, but still somewhat presentable. He explains that he is sorry he's late but didn't realize his hosts lived as far as they did.

"But they only live 4 blocks away", says my friend.
"But I walked", says her date.

My friend thinks this is an interesting start to what would probably be an interesting date, but for the sake of good manners, offers that she had a car that they could use for the night.

So she grabs her keys and the young couple walks out the door.

And then...

When they're near the car, this bochur coughs and puts out his hand, palm up.

"Am I supposed to slap him 'five'?", my friend thinks to herself.
"Huh???", she asks instead.
"Your keys", says her date.
"You want my keys?!", asks my friend.

Rather reluctantly, she obliges. She hands him her keys, and off they go on their lovely little date...

Where he totals her car...

And they end up happily ever after...

With other people... (Im Yirtzeh Hashem!)

tznius bullsh$t

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:38:00 +0000

I came across this post over at some new maidel's blog that got my panties in a figurative twist. (oh wait - maybe even a non-literal reference to undergarments is not at all tznius... maybe i'll ask that maidel and get back to you)

She wrote about her sem's 'modesty' course where the girls modeled clothing in class in order to find out whether their outfits met the tznius standards of the morah. Such aidel maidels. What a ruchnius environment. And then she writes about coming back to the shmutzland of the US of A where girls, even BY girls, are wearing - oh the horror of it - kikki rikki shirts under 'shells' (i'm pretty sure that the BY velt is the only one to still call sleeveless tees 'shells').

More thoughts to come.

new year, new thoughts

materialmaidel@gmail.com (Maidel) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:43:00 +0000

Rosh Hashanah is in less than a week!

It's always an interesting time of year...

A happy time of year - we eat sweet things, we enjoy the company of our loved ones, we wish one another well...

It's as if we do these things in the hope that the happiness will continue throughout the year.

I always feel somewhat scared too. Intimidated by the immensity of what the holidays are really about. Scared that I don't measure up. That I haven't been good enough. That I haven't reached my full potential. I know I can always do more, do better. And yet, I know I don't. Almost always, I can feel my yetzer harah. Sometimes I know the exact moment where I should be doing something good, and I don't. For no good reason at all. I just don't. Call it laziness. Call it indifference. I know it's my yetzer harah. And choosing to overcome my yetzer harah is sometimes as hard as choosing to go to the gym when my bed's really really comfortable. Because once I become used to sleeping in on a Sunday, waking up early becomes that more difficult.

I went to a shiur tonight that gave me a little bit of inspiration, that I would like to share with you. When you're davening this Rosh Hashanah, when you're asking Hashem for a good, happy, healthy year - also ask that Hashem give you the strength to choose good over bad and to recognize the difference. Because in today's world, we could all use a little bit of exercise.