Maternal Feminism

4SKIN FTW: Circumcision Trauma Poem

2011-03-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

4SKIN FTW: Circumcision Trauma Poem: "A warm and tight embrace, keeps me sheltered in this room. My safe and secure nest, I know this is your womb. I feel the surges pushing m..."

Feminist Coming Out Day.com can kiss my maternal ass!

2011-03-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not really shocked my submission wasn't published on Feministcomingoutday.com. I am disappointed however that my voice is foreign and irrelevant because I have birthed babies, fed them from my breast, and while I will stand for a womans right to govern her own reproduction, I talk more about her right to govern her own childbirth.

Ani DiFranco - a Doula - speaks from my soul - "I would definitely choose a homebirth again despite the fear mongering of this patriarchal society, which convinces women that they are incapable of having babies without the intervention of men and their machines. I look at societies where women are marginalized and oppressed their whole lives (even covered head to toe in tarps!) but are still in control of birthing practice, in a whole new way now. I mean, who is really more advanced? To take birthing out of women’s hands and deny us the continuum of eons of wisdom and experience is to eject us from the very seat of our power. I believe that women in hospitals are prevented from being able to have normal, healthy birthing experiences because of the intimidation of being on the clock, being pressured to take drugs to make it quicker, being inhibited in their movement and activities, and alienated by a sterile, fluorescent lit, feet-in-the-air type environment. You know the classic “performance anxiety” of not being able to pee or poo because somebody’s watching you? Multiply that by a million! A cervix is a sphincter after all! Then to add tragic insult to injury women are numbed through their great moment of revelation. I believe the act of giving birth to be the single most miraculous thing a human being can do and it is surely the moment when a lot of women finally understand the depth of their power and connection to all of nature. You think it can’t possibly be done, you think you can’t possibly take the pain, and then you do — and afterward you look at yourself in a whole new way. If you can do that, you can do anything. Check out the books on this subject by Ina May Gaskin. She’s one of my great heroes. P.S. I was in labor for 43 hours. Pushed for five hours. It was brutal and scary and prolonged, and if I was in a hospital, they would have definitely cut the baby out of me. I thank the goddesses that I was at home with patient midwives who knew how to go the distance. The memory of pain always recedes. The memory of triumph does not."

My personal belief is that mothers have always been better at social work than women - and the roots of feminism are in social work -women teaching women...It's amazing though how many women will throw flames if you tell them they have a maternal side. As if their own biology is the enemy.

Feminists of today have contributed to the notion that stay at home mothers are inferior to their working counterparts and until the feminist movement embraces the voices of mothers women will continue to distance themselves from the f word because today's feminist missions do not represent mothers in any way. And for those of you at Harvard who skipped that biology class, WE ARE STILL WOMEN, DAMMIT!!

Tolerated Submission for a Faithful Childhood

2011-03-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

Let me start out by saying I am not raising a racist. I am raising a feminist.

We live in a very multi cultural area in Southern Canada with the majority of new immigrants being from the Middle East. The covering of a woman’s head is something I see everyday and it is indeed based on religious values and morals first and foremost. We are NOT talking about a cultural tradition. That said, every organized religion today has roots in misogyny, with perhaps the exception of Buddhism. I submit some of my favorite quotes from both the Qur'an and the Bible.

From the Qur'an-

“It’s OK to have sex with your wives on the night of the fast.” [Surah 2; verse 187]. “Menstruation is a sickness. Don’t have sex with menstruating women.” [S. 2; v. 222]. “WOMEN ARE YOUR FIELDS SO GO THEN INTO YOUR FIELDS AS YOU WANT. [S.2: v. 223]. “Women have rights that are similar to men, but men have a status above them.” 2:228. “A woman is worth one-half a man.” 2:282.

Thus it can be perceived, and is, early in the Qur'an, that once a woman is in the possession of a man either a wife, or a “slave girl”-a concept ubiquitous in the Qur’an, she has no right in refusing sex.

From the Bible-

(Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT) If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.

What kind of lunatic would make a rape victim marry her attacker? Answer: The God of the religion I was born into. My point, I guess, is that I don't give a shit if the Qur'an does or doesn't directly call on women to cover themselves from head to toe as prepubescents or not because something in me, something much stronger than my faith ever was, will not allow me to bow to such tyrannical and self-effacing absolutes as are defined in the Holy Bible. It is my belief that there is nothing divine in any prehistoric religious text. Every single word can be attributed to a prehistoric, superstitious, and barbaric society that wanted their women submissive and ignorant. Apologists will argue the undeniable mysogyny in the roots of their own religion was a sign of the times and nothing more. I argue, an all knowing God would have advocated for the equality of women even in a time such a notion was foreign to his followers.

My son believes in God, however. You may wonder how in the phuck that happened. Well, I was only 18 years old when my son was born. I believed in God for most of my sons life and I shared that faith with him openly. It's only natural that now, at the ripe old age of 10, he would whole heartedly believe. My daughter is only 2 now and while I'm sure she won't be as much of an avid believer as her baptized brother is at 10, I don't mind when my son tells her the aunt they just lost is in heaven. Faith brings people comfort. I see no harm in allowing my children that comfort. I had it growing up and I won't say those basic values didn't shape who I am today. Childhood should feel safe and be filled with an unquestionable comfort. Isn't that what we all strive for? For this reason I refuse to be the one to take from my son his faith in God anymore than I will be the one to rip the magic of flying reindeer from his childhood. On the contrary. I deeply believe in allowing him his own religious epiphanies and therefore in protecting his faith God. So my current religious beliefs are most definitely an off limits topic for my son and I because the child will have 94850394 questions I do not feel are my place to answer when he is at such an impressionable age. I can not tell him my disdain at the site of the hijab is no doubt deep rooted in my own belief that the history of misogyny in all religions is proof religion is man made. Basically, I can elaborate very little about why such a site makes my Maternal Feminist blood boil. "Why can't you just accept that is what she believes in, Mom?"

I can in many situations put the tolerant and compassionate social worker cap on where religion and patriarchy are concerned and reach the comforting if not actual conclusion that the woman I see is happy in her ignorance. I have a harder time when seeing little girls being oppressed and segregated while surrounded by a free society, however. The hijab keeps women segregated by making work impractical and symbolizes a mans ownership over her because it identifies her as being a follower of the Quran.

There is not a single agreed upon age when a woman should begin wearing a ħijāb, however, in many Muslim countries, puberty is the dividing line. So why have I been seeing classmates of my ten year old son wearing hijabs and lowering their gazes for years now? and why don't I ever see men 'marking' themselves as believers while in public as they are called on to do in the Quran? According to Abdul Hadi Palazzi شيخ عبد الهادي بالاتسي‎ - an Italian born Muslim man who has achieved international recognition for his pro-American, pro-Israel and pro-Jewish teachings and is the Secretary General of the Italian Muslim Assembly, the Khalifah for Europe of the Qadir Sufi Order and a co-founder and co-chairman of the Islam-Israel Fellowship- in 2007, Islam in the west, is more extremist than it is in Muslim countries. This is due to Saudi control of mosques in the West, he says. Every Muslim country has a ministry of religious affairs that appoints muftis for the mosques. In the West, anyone with money can open one.

“The only government investing money to fund mosques in the West is Saudi Arabia,” says Palazzi. “Close to 90% of the mosques in the West are controlled by the Saudis through a secret society called the Muslim Brotherhood.” In fact, Saudi Arabia has poured billions into spreading the message of Islam throughout the world, and many of the most widely distributed Saudi texts and teaching materials extol lessons and information that are completely at odds with the values and attitudes of modern societies. These educational materials teach children the Saudi Wahabbi message that Christians are “pigs” and Jews are “apes” and that non-Muslim religions are “worthless”. According to Palazzi, membership in the Muslim Brotherhood is passed from father to son in certain families. “Members of the society are sent to serve in mosques in countries like Canada, the United States, France, and Italy.” “The Muslim Brotherhood’s main task is spreading extremism,” he says. “They don’t like pluralism to exist in the Middle East. They don’t like a society like Israeli society where religious and secular live together. They don’t want that example to spread in the Middle East.” The Muslim Brotherhood certainly isn't a 'secret society' today. They are playing a key role in Egypt's current Battle over the Veil .

If what Palazzi says is true, it would make sense that the keeping of womens ignorance and submission in the West would be a top priority to a society bent on arrested development. Not an easy task in Ontario where all children aged 6-18 regardless of immigration status must attend school. Muhammad Parvez, 57, a Toronto man was charged with murdering his 16-year-old daughter after she was allegedly attacked in a clash with her strict Muslim family over whether or not to wear the hijab. Unfortunately these kinds of extremist religious based killings are far from rare in Canada or The United States.

So I sit on a bench nestled in shade during my sons 5th grade school trip to a local water park. I'm a parent volunteer today. I tell myself this day is not about me or my opinions on the world. This day is for my son dammit. I will not react to the site of his 10 year old friend covered head to toe, her pants safetied with pins to her water shoes, 2 layers on the bottom and 4 on top, and her head scarf tied so tight it doesn't move an inch all day long while she's swimming in 100 degree weather because my son says I 'need more tolerance'. My son believes that to inspire a change women need to hear from members of their own faith. Anything else will be perceived as intolerance and will inspire a greater identification with their religious community rather than an effort or want to integrate into Canadian society. When I talk about the hijab and what it represents to me-oppression of women, I can see in my son the kind of discomfort I felt growing up when I'd hear my Dad use racial slurs. So I sit here, watching them play, determined to allow him his good time, completely frustrated because I find myself desperately trying to find the words that will enlighten him to my way of thinking without exposing him to information he is not old enough to comprehend in a healthy way... when really what I should be doing is nurturing the compassionate accepting humanitarian in him...and there it is. My parental epiphany in the shade. It was something like...

Just tolerate this submission so he can have a faithful childhood and stfu about it to him. For now.

The director of this film Theo van Gogh was assassinated for his views on Islam. The woman who wrote it Hirsi Ali, has said she would like to make a sequel to the movie because "By not making 'Submission Part II,' I would only be helping terrorists believe that if they use violence, they're rewarded with what they want." When she was asked if she would submit to threats against her life, she said "Not me." I invite you to watch this film and ask yourself what you expect of Arab women living in the West. Can you in any way identify with them? With their submission? I can't, but as my son readily points out, I was raised in a different world. A world where a womans ignorance isn't a virtue. A world where questioning religious absolutes isn't an invitation for death. So I concede, there are some things I will never understand.

A Feminists view on public breastfeeding harassment

2010-05-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

The harassment women face when nursing their babies in public has more to do with societies lack of respect for women, and knowledge of their biology, than it does with societies use of breasts and sex to sell things.

There is no denying the sexual aspect of breasts. Breasts are the secondary sex characteristics of a female human, like facial hair on a man. A sign of maturity and fertility. They develop before we have babies so as to attract a man. Plus, they're FULL of nerve endings! Even in cultures where breasts are never 'forbidden' (a blueprint for attraction) and there is no sense of shame surrounding them, men still like to lick them. It's normal. It's really ok even, some women are even lucky enough to achieve breast orgasms. I know two actually. Neither has volunteered to show me how, however.

So in a culture obsessed with sex and where sex does indeed sell, what else should be used to market sex? The woo woo? YES! That's it! Then men would inherently lose their physical atraction to breasts and solve the problem because there would be no impulse to leer and no awkwardness at the sight of seeing a baby feed off the thing they like to lick. Right? Um no. Society can't perpetuate biology. How are we to expect men to respect -what the whole thing boils down to- the anatomy of a woman if can't admit breasts are just as equally for fondling as they are for lactating? Men will always be physically attracted to breasts. It's what they are for, just as much as they are to feed a baby.

If peacocks fed their young with their feathers there wouldn't be such drama in the peacock world because there isn't sexism in the peacock world.

Biological attraction is not a defense for being an asshole, of course. Society may not be able to control biological attraction but it can impose impulse control. That's for damn sure. Canadian and American society knows a defense for raping a woman based on what she is wearing is no defense at all. Men are expected to have impluse control and when they lack that control for any reason, they are jailed. Not a concept hard to accept or understand. So what is so hard to understand about controlling the impulse to look? or the impulse to make obvious ones own discomfort at such a sight? In Canada, breastfeeding laws designed to protect breastfeeding mothers are based on the notion that both men and women are entitled to equal rights.

Harassing a women verbally or with leers while she is breastfeeding is gender discrimination because it is based on her biology-I am woman, I will lactate. Harassing a mother for feeding her child because she's a woman is no different than harassing a women in the workplace, because she's a woman.

There is a line however in Canadian and American society that divides the sexist and ~~the stupid~~ those who simply do not understand. I have spoken to intelligent, educated, cultured men and women of career age who believed breastfeeding was something better kept private until they had their own breastfed baby. At that point a little bell rang off that said, "A breastfeeding woman does not want for the attention of men and can't be compared to a hoebag running around like a peacok with her feathers flying in the wind screaming 'Look at meee! I'm fertile!'. Leers will not flatter her. She will feel violated because she is using her body for something some jackoff staring at her doesn't understand and that her baby needs.

So if she's not asking to be looked at, perhaps you shouldn't look?, I mean really, have you no impulse control?" Both societies need to start educating children about what breasts are really for. Sexually, and lactatingly speaking. I mean, they are kind of important, and we all know what kind of change teaching children can bring.

It's true not all men who feel awkward at the sight of breastfeeding would shame a mother into exclusion though. That really takes a special sort of stupid, usually perpetuated by patriarchy. I often hear men say we ought compromise. We ought understand their biological attraction to breasts and therefore be discreet. Isn't that the same reason women cover their faces in the Islamic faith? Because the sight of a female cheek bone may send a man into distraction? Yes. It's the same thing and no I won't (nor does any western society) have tolerance for misogyny or discrimination. Maternal Feminists don't give a rats ass if it makes anyone feel awkward that there is a baby feeding off her breast nor will she tolerate anyone assuming it is an invitation to be gawked at or shamed. Nor should we. Their mothers failure to school them in female biology isn't my problem but if made my problem I will school them myself. Then I'll sue, because shaming me for feeding my baby is no different than shaming me for being a woman.

Original Maternal Feminist Merchandise Comin' atcha!

2010-03-12T18:03:00.000-08:00

Click here to visit our brand new shop!

Check back for new additions coming soon!

All proceeds go towards maintaining and improving this blog.

Thanks for your support!