Yesterday I had the pleasure of hearing a terrific panel of female entrepreneurs. Liz Lange really stole the show. Not only is she tall and gorgeous and self-made — she’s a walking embodiment of Gary Vaynerchuk’s “Thank You Economy.”

She revealed a little-known secret that blew me away. Lean in close so I can whisper it to you all.

Liz Lange not only receives every single “custserv” email from her website — and from her Target line — she ANSWERS them all personally.

I’m exhausted just thinking about that.

But if a super busy fashion mogul recognizes the importance of staying close to her customers, shouldn’t the rest of us? 

That’s where you learn the little things that aren’t in your PowerPoint or your annual report or your slick brochure. That’s when you hear first-hand exactly what confuses or delights or almost works or could be even better if only you…

Maternal Instinct’s most recent listening campaign

Our agency believes in the power of proximity. We love to stay close to customers. To kickoff the relationship with our new client, Stella & Dot, Anna Fieler, the company’s CMO, suggested I host a trunk show at my house. And she came and served as the stylist for the night. That’s Anna below, styling a customer as Maternal Instinct Creative Director, Allyson Appen, looks on. We learned a ton that night. So, I imagine, did Anna.

How can you get even closer to your customers? And if you’re a Maternal Instinct client, how can we get even closer to them as well?

Eight years ago I became a mom. Before that, I was a woman.

Guess what? I’m still a woman.

Marketers, you’ve got products. Products I may enjoy or have use for. But unless they are supposed to keep my kids’ rear-ends dry or their bellies full, I do not want you to sell it to me under a “mom umbrella” or with a “mom twist”.

I am a woman. And just because I have given birth doesn’t mean I don’t like the same fashions, books, magazines, cookware, jewelry, or handbags as other women. And women who are not moms shouldn’t be left out of marketing pushes for women’s products simply because they’ve never popped out a kid or two.
So when I see your blog post titled: “Great Yoga Pants for Moms”, I won’t click on it. (Even though, clearly, only MOMS do Yoga. Other women are more into cardio.) When your glossy magazine ad touts “Meal ideas for busy moms”, I’ll keep turning the pages. (Because really, women who aren’t moms aren’t busy? They don’t need meal ideas? Oh you’re right, only moms cook. Women of the non-maternal variety eat out or have their servants make the meals.)

Here’s the thing: when you start putting moms in a box, you start a downward spiral into the offensive. Those who market fashion to “moms” are doing so, I believe, on the premise that women who are mothers have bodies that are compromised. So now, we need to be told what fashions we can and can’t wear, and for those that are acceptable for women of a maternal condition, well those we need to be told how to wear. Ummm…yeah, my fashion sense did NOT fall out with my placenta. And you know what? I STILL LOOK GOOD! But if I do need advice on how to wear a certain trend, I’ll look in a fashion magazine or on a fashion website FOR WOMEN. Because once again, I AM A WOMAN.

If “moms” are all we are, then where are the jeans made just for c-section moms, the dress that’s perfect for moms of multiples, and the handbags for moms who gave birth naturally? What sort of scarves are appropriate for step-moms or – here’s a tough one – adoptive moms?

These products don’t exist, because THAT’S STUPID.

And so is the idea what I lost my woman card when I picked up my mom card.

If I did not carry you inside my womb, YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL ME MOM. So, Mr. & Ms. Marketer, Ms. Fashion Blogger, and Mr. PR guy – don’t DO IT. Or you’ll be talking to my back as I pass you by without a glance.

Maternal Instinct P.S.: we couldn’t agree more. We regularly talk about how marketing to moms is about recognizing the rhythms and priorities of a busy woman’s life…a woman who happens to live in a house with children. We regularly advise clients not to use the word “mommy,” not to place “stunt kids” in their ads, and — as our Uncommon Moms series demonstrates — not to lump all moms together under a June Cleaver umbrella.

Alison Bernstein (right) with her family.

Uncommon Moms is a recurring feature of Maternal Journal. Each month, we interview one mom whose life isn’t cookie-cutter or predictable. Why? Part of our work at Maternal Instinct is to help clients unlearn beliefs they hold about motherhood. And with the Census Bureau now reporting that only 4% of households fit the June Cleaver blueprint (working father, SAHM, and kids under 18), it’s never been more critical to widen your view about moms. In truth, all moms are uncommon — there’s no such thing as a common mom anymore.

How many kids do you have and what are their ages?

My partner Judy and I have two kids, a 14 year old boy and an almost 11 year old girl.

What makes you an uncommon mom?

Probably the most obvious thing is that we are a two mom family. Raising kids as two working moms is certainly different than what a lot of people are doing. My career is also different than most, I am a criminal defense attorney, and for the last decade my practice has focused solely on representing men and women on death row. My partner, Judy, is the executive director of a non-profit called Our Family Coalition, which promotes the equality and well-being of lesbian, gay bisexual, transgender and queer families with children.

What makes you a traditional mom?

Substantively, we are a whole lot more like “traditional” moms than most people think. I do all the shopping and cooking, and Judy does all the finances and most of the organizational stuff. At first we tried to be equitable about everything, but with kids and work we realized it made more sense for each of us to play to our strengths.

And in the day to day we are certainly like traditional moms – we dash from music to soccer to karate to religious school and back home again to get dinner on the table every night. Before we eat there is a hokey blessing that our kids love but pretend to be horribly embarrassed by when friends are over. Like most parents, we spend a lot of time hoping we are doing right by our kids.

Can you think of an ad or marketing campaign you’ve seen recently that either “got” you or “missed” you?

Ads that try to sell things to women based on how a man will see them, or how anyone will see them, totally miss me. I am not defined by how other people see me, and I really don’t spend a lot of time worrying about it. It is certainly true that I walk through the world looking a lot different than most people’s notion of what a professional working mom looks like, but I find that in the end it makes little difference. So long as I engage with people in an open and caring way, folks are more than happy to connect, regardless of my appearance.

I love the new citicard ad with the woman who is going on her honeymoon and she is buying rock climbing equipment because it’s what she loves to do. That ad totally gets me – people have their stories, but she is just doing what is right for her without worrying about it.

Thanks for talking with us, Alison. And readers: if you know an Uncommon Mom we should feature in an upcoming Maternal Journal, let us know in the Comments section.

What “pin” prompted me to do this? Exhibit A below:

Other ads in the series include headlines like “I’m pregnant” and “We broke up.” What a simple yet clever way to show the need for waterproof mascara in daily life.

Couldn’t help but think of a way Konad Cosmetics could extend this campaign to moms. The headlines practically write themselves.

It’s lice.

Call to schedule your mammogram.

Even a simple I love you, Mom would do the trick.

Think you know Moms? What other headlines would you add?

Just today, I stumbled upon a great article about the lack of smart marketing to moms with older kids. An excerpt:

Most marketing strategies miss the biggest market when marketing to moms: moms of older children. There are 77 million moms in the United States. Only nine million have children in the infant and toddler range. Ten million more have children ages three to five. But a full 25 million women are moms of young adults (ages 18-29), and another 12 million are moms of teenagers (ages 14-17).

I couldn’t resist but comment on the article with these words:

Absolutely true! I run a marketing to mothers agency — one of the few in the country — and I’m constantly broadening our client base to include brands that target moms of older kids. We’ve worked on airlines, sleepaway camps, orthodontists, and video games — but never on a diaper or stroller account. This is a big, juicy consumer segment that deserves marketing that understands the rhythms and priorities of post-baby family life.

Who’s doing it right?

Dick’s Sporting Goods, for one. Their ad campaign highlights the donations Dick’s makes towards school-wide neurocognitive testing of athletes across more than 3,300 schools, totaling more than a million students.

Why is this smart?

Because guess who most often takes kids to get new cleats or a helmet or ball? Moms. And guess who fears concussions — in the news a lot in recent years — most of all? Parents.

Well played, Dick’s. For understanding how to market to an overlooked segment, we award you a Warm Blanket Award.

I had the good fortune of attending the Women 2.0 PITCH conference on Valentine’s Day. Seeing 1,000 female entrepreneurs gathered under one roof is inspiring beyond words.

Of all the takeaways from the event, the most sage advice came from ZipCar‘s founder, Robin Chase. She talked about the importance of question-proofing your pitch. That means making sure you answer all the questions a potential investor or customer will have — even if you don’t think it’s key enough to be included in your precious 30 seconds.

The example Chase gave was from her original description of the ZipCar model. Folks would patiently wait until the end of her spiel to inquire: “But who pays for the gas?”

This “irrelevant little detail” was killing the momentum of Chase’s story. As she’s talking, an open loop is circulating through countless people’s heads — Who pays for the gas? Who pays for the gas? — drowning out the game-changing business model she’s describing.

Her advice? Don’t become frustrated with the questions people ask about your product or service. Thank them for alerting you to the potential speed bumps in your otherwise compelling pitch. Your job is not to tell the details the way your marketing department scripted you to; your job is to quickly head-off any confusion or nagging details so you can then have people’s full attention for the big a-ha.

What’s questions are killing your pitch?

Take another look at your company’s elevator pitch. Does it quickly address the pesky little misconceptions or curiosities of the average customer? If you’re unsure, take a look at the emails and calls coming in to your customer service department. What don’t people understand? What do they wonder about?

This quote perfectly summarizes the tsunami of interest in Pinterest. How-to articles abound: how-to pin items, how brands can jump on the bandwagon, how to track traffic from Pinterest, how to use Pinterest for social good, even how-to avoid Pinterest scams.

But one of the greatest promises of Pinterest, as I see it, has yet to be realized. Finally, Pinterest makes real, relatable imagery about daily life accessible. One of my biggest beefs about mom marketers is how they depict a mom’s life.

Case in point: a Google images search for “working mother” yields this as the very first result.

The other 655 million search results aren’t much better.

Yet a search on Pinterest yields this beauty:

Simply put, Pinterest widens the lens through which we view modern motherhood. It’s not staged and slick and perfect. It’s messy and complicated and sticky. But it’s real and wonderful at the same time. And the more that marketers can visually tap into that authenticity, the better.

Enter the lawyers

The irony of all ironies is that photographic rights is the first fly in the ointment for Pinterest. As this Wall Street article explains: “if you are going to play it conservative and safe, you should never pin an image on Pinterest for which you don’t own the copyright interest or for which you have not obtained a license from the copyright owner.”

Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of this visual share-fest.

Here’s where Pinterest should take a page from the Napster playbook.

Musicians realized that by setting their music free, they exposed their sound to a much wider audience, opening up new revenue streams. Photographers, I hope, will reach the same conclusion. By allowing millions of well-intentioned users to share their images via Facebook and blogs worldwide, they open up the possibility that a brand (or other commercial buyer) will see the image and willingly pay for its use. That’s my hope for seasoned photographers. But there’s another silver lining. I forecast a serendipitous byproduct of Pinterest sharing: many photographers will be born as a result. Folks who shoot their own kids, grandkids, nieces or nephews — just for fun — will realize they have a knack for capturing moments.

A photographer weighs in.

To test my theory, I asked photographer Monica Michelle how she hopes Pinterest will change her business. She replied:

“Pinterest rocks my little photography world. I use it for myself for inspiration. I send my clients to my boards for styling tips and it keeps me in touch with them in ways Facebook does not have. My mom clients follow my boards for recipes, kids clothing, things for kids to do. My boudoir clients follow the lingerie shopping and style. My brides look for flower arranging, color palettes, and honeymoon destinations. I am also able to share my fine art projects with the world around. I feel that it is more exposure and if I help inspire another photographer, all the better.”

Now that, my friends, is what I’m talking about.

In closing, I asked Monica to share an image from her portfolio that summarizes motherhood. Need I say more?

How many kids do you have and what are their ages?

I have six children, ages 14,12, 9, 7, 2.5 and 3 months.

What makes you an uncommon Mom?

Some may think that having six children is uncommon, but really my husband and I just have a larger idea of what a “normal” sized family is. No matter how many children we have, they take up all our time! We just happened to have six. One thing that I feel is uncommon at this point is the large age span from oldest to youngest. It is strange to be nursing your newborn when your oldest is returning from a New Year’s Eve dance. It is difficult to feel like I am keeping all my ducks in a row in that sense. It is nice to have built-in babysitters, though!

And in what ways are you a traditional mom?

I stay at home with our children. On our end of the block, that is quite common. On any given afternoon when the weather is nice, there can be anywhere from 3-5 moms milling about the street socializing and keeping an eye on our youngest children. We meet the kids at the bus stop. We watch impromptu dance recitals and gymnastics routines. We wonder how we will ever get the mud out of clothes, or if our boys will ever not have holes in the knees of their jeans. These things are commonly discussed on any given afternoon. I envision these kinds of conversations happening all over the world!

Can you think of an ad or marketing campaign you’ve seen recently that either “got” you or “missed” you?

As far as ad campaigns, one that I particularly hate are those with coupons and points that are difficult to understand. One in particular is the Ulta ad that comes far too often and touts all these amazing deals on beauty products that will amount to some points and savings for me. I have an Ulta very close to me, but I have yet to feel like their ad has saved me any money or given me any benefit. And it is way too detailed — I toss it in the recycling without even looking at it. Another peeve is that my teenage daughter gets one too, so that’s double the junk mail! It does seem like she enjoys looking at it more than I, however, but if they truly wanted to target busy Moms, the ad should be much more concise and simple.

Thanks for talking with us, Nellie. We were particularly interested in hearing from a “high-capacity” mom like you. Not only do you have six kids and a blog you’ve just started, but you answered all of our questions — while nursing — from your iphone. We bow before you! And readers: if you know an Uncommon Mom we should feature in an upcoming Maternal Journal, let us know in the Comments section.

After four years of policing the waters for brilliant and bogus campaigns targeting women, finally one brand has won both honors.

Just last month, we awarded a Warm Blanket award to Hyundai for their very smart ad for the Sonata.

Then they ruined all goodwill with this ad, which set them back $1.5 to air during the Oscars. I live-tweeted my Dad blogger crony, Zach Rosenberg, sending out the APB that “Dads have been dissed!”

Watch and learn, folks. Dads aren’t bumbling fools and both moms and dads resent these outdated stereotypes.

There are 70 million grandparents in the U.S. today and many of them have very deep pockets. Not only are many still working, but they are a goldmine if your brand sells things for kids — from the practical to the gift-able.

These points were brought home to me recently when I met with Donne Davis, Founder of The GaGa Sisterhood, a social network for enthusiastic grandmothers. Founded in Menlo Park, CA in 2003 after the birth of Donne’s first grandchild, The GaGa Sisterhood enables grandmothers to share the joys and challenges of having grandkids.

“We have discussed everything from co-sleeping to home-schooling to child discipline and our ranks just keep growing,” says Davis. The group meets bi-monthly in members’ homes and has grown in number (38 attended the last meeting). Their online community numbers far more. Guest speakers are lined up for the majority of the meetings and, even when “experts” are absent, the two resident therapist grandmas ensure there is never a shortage of deep conversation.

Founded “way before Lady Gaga,” the GaGa Sisterhood has many lessons to teach us mom marketers:

1). The line between “mom” and “grandma” is fuzzy. The average age for becoming a first-time grandma in this country is 47. 47! Yet there are also first-time moms at the very same age. This makes it tricky for marketers to find the right imagery to depict the right market. Perhaps they don’t need to. Moms and grandmas care about kids equally. Show women and kids together in a natural setting and you win. Even better, show Dads or granddads with their family and oftentimes that can be even more touching to a woman.

2). Multi-generational living is on the rise. The GaGa Sisterhood had a recent speaker address this new phenomenon. Several of their members live with their children and grandchildren, either out of necessity or desire. Realtors claim that in many cities this is one of the few growth niches in an otherwise stale market.

3). Grandmas are not in rocking chairs. Look at Donne’s picture. She’s hip. In fact, not only did she remind me of Diane Keaton at our meeting, but she had just come from her Zumba class. “Grandmas are busy,” she tells me. “We’re not sitting in rocking chairs — we’re more likely building them. We recently ran a popular post titled ‘Who’s busier: Moms or Grandmas?’”

4). Grandmas are tech-savvy. Donne credits Skype as the best invention ever for grandparents. And she claims her crowd embraces any technology which makes their busy lives easier or more connected. So if you market a tech solution, don’t assume the 20-something crowd will be your early adopters.

How could your brand expand to include this growing marketplace? Could you create a dedicated newsletter or offering just for grandparents? Or could you solicit feedback from grandmas when planning new products? Heck, could you just acknowledge grandparents as an important force in kids’ lives when blogging or marketing?

And for those of you who might like to reach out to Donne for grandma feedback, be our guest. Just be aware that between running The GaGa Sisterhood and being a grandma to Juliet and Amelia, she’s also working on a book tentatively titled “When Being a Grandma Isn’t So Grand.” Like we said, these grandmas are rocking!