Matt V's photo blog

Artistry

2012-01-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

Red Rock Canyon, NV.

You are the ultimate painter
the greatest poet
Your love story stretches
across the sky
Every grain of sand
is a thought for me
Your artistry
shows your love for me
Your peace is calmer than the stream
Your rest is softer than fields of green
Your will for me
works out perfectly
Through pain I take
you will demonstrate
All the promises
of Your Word.

The Warmest Place

2012-01-12T22:56:00.000-08:00

Vantage Pointe at sunset.

Another year has passed. It is winter again. As weather always does, this darker sort affects my mind. Pennsylvania moves slowly, like a half-speed video replay. The cold, dry air and the silence and stillness can be absorbed like a sponge in a puddle. One can go into the woods, all trees naked of leaves, and if that one were to sit down and wait, it would be as if time stood still. Wind through branches and the movement of clouds would be the only cues that this was, indeed, consciousness. Venture to the roads and nothing will keep one from reaching their destination when intended, save for the occasional tractor or horse & buggy using the road. One lane is all that is needed to navigate the twisty, wooded, hilly roads of the peaceful, unmoved countryside.

And so the short yearly trek is made. But upon arriving back in the new, developed and populated West, it is not without a sense of loss and detachment. Despite all the opportunity and culture that is borne from such a place, something is also lost. When everyday life involves less, it somehow becomes more. When every desire of the foolish heart is so readily available, it is quite simple to get lost in the details. When one has much, they have little to gain. But when one has very little, they have everything to gain.

And so when one has lived in the three significant modes in this far-reaching country (rural, urban and suburban), one's heart cannot ever be settled. One can more quickly attach and detach to the ups and downs of those areas. When something is less than perfect in the present place, the former place can be viewed with longing eyes. A few days a year (weeks if one is lucky), this nomad can be truly content with where he is. At any other given moment, the longing for another place can take hold indefinitely.

So one must learn to get the most out of life where they are. It will not be perfect at all times (in fact, it's not guaranteed to be perfect at any times), but it must be accepted as a necessary part of one's life nonetheless. Relationships are what will always matter most, and those can be made anywhere one goes. When one reflects on the best times of one's life, it will not just be the setting, the looks and smells and sounds and feels, but also who that one was with that defines that moment.

So near or far, loud or quiet, surrounded or alone, busy or still, be content. It will not be this moment when one realizes how happy they are, but when one reflects on the moment. And the warmest, happiest places on earth will always be in one's memories.

Changes everything

2011-10-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

The San Gabriel Mountains from Vantage Pointe in La Habra Heights, California.

I've known it for a long time, but I couldn't put it into words.

Mountains on the horizon changes everything.

Ever since I moved to Southern California, the mountain skyline has inspired a sense of awe in me. You may have read in this very blog how my first clear view of the San Gabriel Mountains ended with me in my car driving as close to them as I could. I can't resist them. It's inside me. I'm under their grip and I don't know if anything could ever change that.

The view of mountains on the horizon changes everything. I used to have a long drive home from work; again, this very blog's first post described it. I'd be driving in the hills for almost an hour, and then when I crested one singular hill in Anaheim Hills, the entire mountain range would come into view, and then...then things changed. No matter what album was playing, what train of thought I was on, what song I was composing in my head, it was interrupted by what my eyes saw, During snowy season, this was even magnified (if such a thing is fathomable).

That view changes everything. And one day, I put it all together and realized WHY the draw was so strong. Why I was like one magnet and the mountains were the other magnet, and I was pulled towards them by the laws of physics.

We often are caught up in our own small worlds, with blankets of security that are really nothing at all. We live in this false reality for so long that we truly lose touch with the big picture, with the REAL. When I see the spectacular snow-capped San Gabriel Mountains on the horizon, looming impossibly larger than anything I know, it reminds me that there is something bigger in the world than me. Those mountains dwarf me. My human mind struggles to even perceive their grandeur. I've even stood on the very peak of Baldy almost 10 times, and once on the peak Istill expect to see human outlines on the endless horizon (flat as a pancake), and when I see someone only a mile away and a few thousand feet lower altitude on the same trail I just hiked, I barely can distinguish them from the rocky, sandy, barren landscape. I just can't put the pieces together.

When we see that horizon, we realize there is something bigger than ourselves. There is something that exists on our planet that exceeds our understanding. There is something that dwarfs the minute details of our lives. There is something that can bring us to our knees and stir something deep within us even during our coldest and darkest of days. We were MEANT for more. This can't be all there is. I see that skyline and something inside me, deeper than I can know, is stirred up. My immediate physical reaction is "GO TO THE MOUNTAINS" but what I find there is not just physical beauty. Yes, my senses are overwhelmed: the smell is fresh, the sights are a spectacle, the sounds are peaceful and the touch is...real. But it all points to a larger thing.

I cannot live this life on my own. I am incomplete as an individual. I cannot accomplish great things alone. I see the mountains and I immediately realize my need for a Savior. Without a supernatural, extraordinary interaction, I fail. But in all of God's goodness, He provides those momentary signs and reminders. For me, that is the mountains. My body struggles and strains to conquer just one of those peaks, using a trail that was forged by earlier humans and is clearly the most accessible, easiest way to do a thing such as this. Let me never forget that I am powerless against such a force. That the very Thing that carved each ridge and wrinkle into the earth's surface is the same Thing that died a painful death on a cross so that I could have life, and life abundantly. The Thing that lets me live with freedom and without fear. The Thing that became the only human to overcome the grave, that thing that causes we humans the greatest pain that we know.

Oh Thing, oh Thing named Jesus the unchanging creator God, I need you and I cannot live without You. I thank you for your constant, looming, unforgettable reminders of Your love and power. I cannot help but worship You.

Preparation from the Past

2011-10-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

The plaza at Moody Bible Institute from my room window on the 18th floor.

I've often heard it said that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. That it's preparing us for something down the road. I have put faith in that very thing, though the answer was not clear.

Thank God for the nights we have unknowingly been prepared for.

October 2005, Moody Bible Institute, Chicago, IL: The annual Mr. Moody competition draws nigh. An opportunity for each brother and sister floor (divided into floors because of the urban nature of our 19-story dormitory) to put on a small-scale production in hopes of one representative being named "Mr. Moody." This year the theme was "make your own country." We had a rather colorful resident on our floor from Korea named John Oh. We decided our country would be Johnopia. I became involved when we heard about phase 2 of the production: Sing your national anthem. Being that I am a one-man band of sorts, I was perfect for this job. John told me he wanted it to be a rap song, so I came up with a basic beat and we ran with it. John created a rap. Then we created an elaborate dance to the song.

Things were shaping up to be quite top-notch. The only slight problem was that it was scheduled for a Friday night, and every week on Friday night I would travel north to Wrigleyville and help out at our church's youth group. So I asked John a few weeks before the spectacle: "Do you need me to be IN the production? Just say the word and I will tell them I can't be there on that Friday. But if you don't need me, I'll still go to youth group and wish you all the best." His response: "I think we'll be ok without you there."

Fast forward 3 days. John frantically approaches me: "Matt! Can you still be in the production?" No, John. I told them I would be at youth group.

In the coming days, I wrestled with what I should do. We had big plans for youth group that night too, and without me the night would not be the same. So I committed to going to the youth group instead of the glorious Mr. Moody competition. I knew I'd miss out on some fun, but I knew that someday, this would come back to me in a positive way. So I went to youth group that night. It turned out to be a great night.

When I returned back to the school that evening, I heard about how the night went. The national anthem was a smash hit; all the people there in the plaza were singing along. Everything was pointing to our win. But then, in the very last stage of the performance, there was a technical problem with the amp and the guitar that were being used (the very thing that I would have been there for), and it killed the crowd's excitement and we ended up losing the competition. A bummer, for sure.

October 2011, Orange County, California: Opeth, one of my top 3 favorite bands was coming to town. Their new album was my favorite in a long time. The set list was released and it may as well have been my own personal list of favorite songs from them. We checked my work schedule and I was free. I had the money to spare. Let's do this.

Fast-forward to the week of the show. Somehow, the schedule they kept at the office showed that I worked a day that I didn't have on my calendar. It was Friday.

I looked at my list of co-worker's phone numbers, and called all of those who weren't scheduled to work that day. None of them could fill my spot. I had to miss one thing or the other.

So I was in a familiar spot. I had disappointed my roommate who bought the tickets, but promised him I would still give him the price of the ticket. Still, he wanted to go to this show with me, and I had failed. So I had to make a decision, but I knew which one was right. It was clear. I'd been through this before. I may miss out on some fun, but God knows my every move, and I cannot hide my choice from him.

So through my roommate's temptings and attempts to sway me to go to the show, I still knew what I should do. I was prepared for this moment. I had missed out on something before, but in the end, that event was a disappointment anyway.

So I went to work, and it was a good night. Things flowed smoothly, I filled the role that only I could, and my conscience was clean. I had a feeling that would happen.

Nostalgia Wins

2011-02-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

I'm re-watching 24/7 Penguins-Capitals for the zillionth time, but near the end of the third episode there are shots of Pittsburgh in the winter. Hilly city blocks, across the river at the houses atop Mt. Washington. My heart instantly longs for it. At the age of 25, the majority of my life was still lived in Pennsylvania. It is impossible to ever remove me from that world completely. I begin to realize...the day I made the choice to move to California, I had no idea what the ramifications would be. Aside from all the experiences and culture I've gained, I will now be forever torn between two homes. And really, how can Pittsburgh ever compare with Southern California? It's the place the whole world longs to be. Perfect weather, money, beaches, huge mountains, desert. But for me, it has everything but seasons and family. And how do you replace those two things? So then I start to think...how can Orange County ever really compare to Pittsburgh? The history, the rustic beauty, the decay of weather, and have I mentioned...seasons! Seasons: a biblical analogy for the roller coaster of our lives, and the inspiration for so much of my music. My favorite sports teams. A familiarity with the people, culture, and geography that I have never felt in California. Try as I might, I will never fully fit in either place. And my siblings' children are growing up thousands of miles away. I may be the uncle that is more of a stranger to them.

Despite it all, I can never place doubt in God's calling on my life. Countless affirmations of His work in me and around me here in my new home force me to have comfort. I could never discount all that I've seen on the West Coast as a mistake. The evidence is too much. This was God's will for me. I followed. I've been rewarded. But earth is not my home. I cannot be at home or at perfect rest in this place. I cannot find a quiet corner of the planet where there is perfection. I must move beyond this fallen, depraved world and live in His presence; there I will be home. At rest. No more longing for distant places. A fulfillment of the days of the life that He has given me. A home. Rest. Eternity.

Ecclesiastes

2011-02-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

Beautiful California,

you cannot escape the wind and rain.

To everything there is a season

And the same fate comes to all.

A Lonely Summer

2010-12-21T17:36:00.000-08:00

If I used to close my eyes
I would still hear
muffled voices.

If I used to sleep at night
I would still see
faces.

If I used to shout out loud
I would still hear
echoes.

But the echo has grown so faint.
These ears strain to hear again.
These eyes see only nothingness.
This place is as a ghost.

If I used to be alone
I would still insist on it.

If I used to laugh or cry
I would still be
comforted.

If I used to stare
out the window
I'd take in the silence.

But no, things have changed.
My sight is all faded.
Color comes with you
and you've been gone so long.

Portola Springs

2010-11-30T11:57:00.000-08:00

March 13th, 2009.

Is there still wilderness in this county?

I had dreams once
of a place to the west
It was bleak
and beautiful.

But it's all been paved over
It's all black but there's no night
I've driven to the corners
But I can't find the end of it.

Maybe it was once
like I saw in my mind.
But people came
and years passed.

It traps me
Though I may run
I know it will find me
No one can hide.

I just want to feel young again
To see something new.
But places are being cloned
and I've seen it before.

I long to be happy when old
to be in peace.
But I fear by then,
silence is obsolete.

The Neighborhood

2010-11-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

Life has been interesting these days. Best summarized as follows.

Six weeks ago:

Employed: Yes

Reliable Transportation: Yes

Miles driven per week: 330

Free time: Not so much

The past two weeks:

Employed: 5 hours/week

Reliable Transportation: No

Miles driven per week: See previous answer

Free time: 24/7

I know better, after knowing Jesus for 10 years now, than to call it coincidence and strip it of meaning and purpose. I know better than to panic and become desperate. This is to focus me and hone my purpose.

Remember just a few entries ago when I wrote about moving across the country? Welcome to my innermost thoughts. I thought I was long gone back to Pittsburgh, PA, the home of my family. I was already looking for jobs and apartments out there.

Well God has a funny way of speaking to us and working in our lives. You'd think that once I was laid off at work, that it would seem like a sign that I'm free to go, right?

Au contrare, mon frere. Since that day, it's been more clear than in quite some time past that I am exactly where He wants me. Just like in all those stories I heard in church and at Bible school, God is using this uncertain time to prove that He is our biggest certainty. I've seen enough money come my way to take care of all my bills, with just enough to spare. I've had time to slow down from the busy Southern California way of life and replace it with rest.

I've been able to do things I had always thought about doing, but fell by the wayside. I've been recording music. I finished reading a novel last night. I've been sleeping in. I've been taking pictures.

I found some beautiful horse trails right here in the neighborhood I live. I got to take a late afternoon walk and just explore and be free of any commitments or deadlines to meet. It has given me a new appreciation and comfort with the area I live in. The camera came along, of course. It was restful, and here is a sampling of shots that I got. It almost felt like fall, even in this mild west coast weather!

From Saturday's Mountain Drive: A Prayer

2010-11-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

I am filled with your good pleasures:
Sun behind Jacinto,
skies over Gorgonio,
shadow painting on desert rocks,
endless peaks watching over cities,
a chill from altitude.

I see now
that you are in the barren as well as the flourishing.
Not a corner can I look without seeing you there.

Let me use my eyes and ears
my hands and feet
my fingers and toes
my flesh and bone
my strength and sweat
my soul and mind
my words and deeds
my love and longing,
to make you all the more visible.

Turn It Off

2010-10-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken at Hume Lake camp in 2008. It represents a time of change, refocusing and renewal. It definitely was also a time for all of us (students and leaders alike) to "turn off" all the distractions and busyness of life and take a rest. This was during worship time. For me it represents the spirit of the poem below.

When you just want the phone to ring
put it down
turn it off
open the Bible and start to read.

When you just want someone to answer
put it down
turn it off
close your eyes and take a knee.

When all you want is that one person
ask yourself:
"Would this person die for me?
Or would they do even less for me?"

Reconsider the pursuits of your heart.
Redirect the objects of your affection.
Invest in what is eternal.
Seek the face of Jesus.

The Golden Hour

2010-10-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

In photography circles, the "Golden Hour" is the name for the time just after sunrise and just before sunset where the sun is low on the horizon and casts a golden light on everything. This is unofficially regarded as the best time to take photos.

I could go on, but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

An Authentic Question

2010-10-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

One day, soon after moving to Orange County, I thought about the state of my life and these exact words came to me as I drove past this spot.

9-20-07

Doesn't your life change completely
when you move across the country?
Or at least move place to place
with hundreds of miles between?

No, I've found that life only stays the same
as long as you stay the same.
You always reap what you sow
you always receive what you give
and in life, you always get out of it
what you put into it.

A Necessary Evil

2010-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

¹ To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

² A time to be born,

And a time to die;

A time to plant,

And a time to pluck what is planted;

³ A time to kill,

And a time to heal;

A time to break down,

And a time to build up;

⁴ A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

⁵ A time to cast away stones,

And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace,

And a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶ A time to gain,

And a time to lose;

A time to keep,

And a time to throw away;

⁷ A time to tear,

And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

⁸ A time to love,

And a time to hate;

A time of war,

And a time of peace.

Rain, and all our seasons, are a necessary evil.

Black & White

2010-10-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

I wish right now
that all memories were black & white.
That they all took place in the fall
on a Sunday
watching football.

That the smell of noon dinner
permeated them all
that hooded sweatshirts and jeans
were worn into cool October weather.

That the trees in the back yard
and across the street
were failing to keep their leaves.

I wish all memories were black and white.
They are not colder, but somehow warmer.
Then we look to the other senses for memory.

Another Comparison Shot

2010-09-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

In the first-ever post on this blog, I used the photo on the left. I revisited the spot one week ago today and took this almost identical shot, except the seasons were different! This makes it a completely different photo.

More proof of why I prefer the "colder" season of Southern California.

All Things Come to An End

2010-09-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

The end of the tracks, in Brea, California.

All things come to an end

But none of us know when.

If you don't know what's around the bend,

remember that all things come to an end.

We cling too tightly to that which we have

assuming it was something we always had.

But we forget we lived independently

not knowing that ever we were in need.

We dread the change and we dread the new

being so familiar with what we're used to.

And we fear the most what we can't control

blind to see our crutch: the old.

Before every beginning, another thing was ending.

Before every divine appointment, there was a disappointment.

Lying before you is a path brand new

And now you are free to do whatever you want to.

Don't shy away

and don't be afraid.

Seek to pray

and find the right way.

This is your time

and this is your chance

to do something sublime

and to make a difference.

All things come to an end

But none of us know when.

If you don't know what's around the bend,

remember that all things come to an end.

Speaking of Rain...

2010-09-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

This is why I like winter so much in Southern California.

You may remember the top picture from this entry in July.

I very much prefer the clouds, green hills, cool weather, clear days and occasional rain of winter compared to the neverending brown, heat, lack of clouds and haze in the summer!

He is like the rain

2010-09-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

You are like the rain
bringing dead things back to life

Saved in the Notepad of my phone - Sunday, May 30, 2010

President's Day 2010

2010-09-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

"They're just showing off."

Though this was a holiday, getting a day off work was not my first thought for the day. It was "how am I not going to eat anything?" I had just started the Master Cleanse, and all I could eat/drink was water and the special lemonade for the cleanse.

But beyond that, the entire day was open. My roommate Jon can be very spontaneous, and when I suggested a trip to the mountains, it may have been only a few minutes before we were in the car driving there.

I took my (other) roommate's digital SLR camera and a 20 oz container filled with my Master Cleanse drink.

As we headed up Mountain Ave to Mount Baldy, suddenly traffic (the little that there was) stopped and the road was blocked. Apparently a rescue was taking place and the road wouldn't be opened for some time. So we had to change our plans.

To the farther mountain range we headed! This one I knew very little about and was thrilled to see new beautiful spots.

We took some extremely scenic roads, and then we ended up in this region. We parked and started walking, and I started snapping pics.

The way down was beautiful as well, and it was a very fun day for both of us. We were very pleased that we decided to be spontaneous. The day off felt like a very restful day.

I never regret a mountain adventure.

No Man Is An Island

2010-09-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

Every little thing I do, there is a consequence.

No man is an island.

This little rock had a story when it landed in the sand, in reach only by the high tide. Each subtle wave would wash over it, then go back to sea. Each time a little bit of sand would be blocked by this stone. After enough waves, one small canyon in the sand was created. Then another small one began to form. Then another. Before long, there was this vast network of lines, rivers and ridges, all springing from this small stone.

Despair not. You have a purpose yet. You may feel like a small stone that was thrown into the sand. But be careful of your actions. Each one has a consequence. And who knows but God where it will lead?

As Often As You Can

2010-08-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

Escape as often as you can.

Drive.

Find a place where it is quiet. Turn off your music. Turn off your phone.

Talk to God. Empty your heart. Return to square one.

Ask Him what is most important in your life. He will show you.

Stay there. Stay there.

Start walking. Find a path. Make yourself work a little.

You will find something interesting. Take a picture of it.

Put it on your wall at home. Put it on your computer's desktop.

Keep the memory of your escape nearby. Let it take you away. Let it remind you what you learned when you were there.

What is most important in your life?

In Keeping With Tradition...

2010-08-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Taken on 35mm film with a Canon AE-1 Program.

To keep going with my theme, here's another picture from Vantage Pointe. This was the first time I had ever been up there. Clouds were heavy, winds were chilly, and it added up to feel quite far away from the city, though we were quite stuck in the middle of miles of concrete. It is a small section of hilly escape. I think I've come here over 10 times since I discovered it.

The West

2010-08-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is what I thought California would look like.

When I first moved here, I was a little surprised. Orange County was much more city-like than I expected. One night during my first summer, I was on top of a hill at dusk, and saw the mountains and sky bathed in purple light and wrote something like this:

California, I've searched for you but couldn't find you. You have deceived me. But for this one night, you are exactly what I expected.

Well tonight was another night like that. I was driving at dusk, and I saw the purple sky, the mountains glowing, and the moon was rising just over them. It was just too perfect. This is the west. Away from all the concrete is a land of grand mystery and wilderness. It's that land that I dreamt of seeing in California. I'm grateful for the chance to see it some nights even when I don't seek it out.

This pic was taken from Vantage Pointe, one of my favorite spots that I know of.

The Next-Door Neighbors

2010-08-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

It looks like this right now.

I moved away from Pennsylvania for the first time in 2005. I came home for the whole summer, then went back to Chicago for the fall semester.

In the summer of 2006, I lived in Chicago. I came home in May and in August.

In 2007, I moved to California. I was home in May, September, and October.

In 2008, I surprised the family by showing up at the 4th of July party at my parent's house.

In 2009, I made it home at the end of July.

It is 2010. I have not been home since December.

Every year, getting to go to Southwestern PA in the summer is refreshing. It's a break from busyness. It is quiet, it is beautiful. The air is fresh. The stars light up the night sky. The paths in the woods are all overgrown. Usually I have a bonfire in the yard with friends. It is country living, and it's perfect. I miss it right now.

This picture was near the end of one of my walks through the woods. Being that the paths truly are overgrown in the summer, I tend to find my way back differently every time. This time I emerged in the field next to our house.

This was taken with a generic wide angle/macro/zoom lens on my Canon AE-1 film SLR. The extreme vignetting on the edges is completely real, not added digitally. Just a few steps after taking this picture, I changed lenses again and put this one in my pocket. A few minutes later I put my foot up on a rock, and this lens fell out of my pocket and bounced off a rock. After a lot of fiddling with it, it finally works again. But I've moved on to other lenses. :)