Matthew The Astrologer

Are You Ready For More Dick?

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:30:00 +0000

"Saturn and Neptune aren't done with Dick (Cheney) yet. Stay tuned."

-Me, about three and a half months ago, on Dick Cheney

There are few things in life an astrologer likes than being right... even if it's about bad news. Former US Vice President Dick Cheney (who we all thought we were done with a while ago) is back in the news. And, as is usually the case for Dick, the news isn't good.

As you may recall, there was a story floating around the fringes of that Liberal Media you keep hearing abut that Dick had his own private hit squad while Vice President. This of course was quietly dismissed as partisan politics. Those charges may seem a little less paranoid in light of recent statements that Dick went “outside the law” when it came to not letting other members of the government know about certain CIA activities.

Which CIA activities? Secret stuff. Spy stuff. Maybe death squad stuff... we just aren't sure.

What am I sure about? Well, for one thing, transiting Saturn is now conjunct Dick's secondary-progressed Moon, ruler of his eleventh House ("love received"), and he certainly doesn't seem to have won any one's hearts with this latest set of rumors. I'm also sure transiting Jupiter and Neptune quincunxing natal Ascendant ruler Mercury isn't very good for public image.

One more thing I'm sure about? The transiting Sun (so often called a malefic in Vedic astrology, and so often causing me to agree) will be passing through Dick Cheney's 12th House (hidden matters) starting in about a week and a half, and continuing until mid to late August.

...and I'm sure there's going to be more legal activity that backs up the rumors. You heard it here first.

(Then again, maybe I'm just imagining that because I really, really like to see justice done, and I really, really like America in general, and I really, really wish they'd turn on those of their own who pervert its own best principles. Who knows? I'm an idealist. Like I said, we'll see...)

Dick Cheney: January 30, 1941, about 7:30 PM, Lincoln, Nebraska.)

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Obama Is The Antichrist, And Other Bad Uses For Asteroids

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:31:00 +0000

There are a few astrologers out there... no names, but if you Google for it, you'll find them... who actually believe that since President Obama's natal Sun is conjunct the asteroid Lucifer, he is the Antichrist.

Rather than dignify that with a detailed response, I decided to run my "more asteroids than any competent astrologer will ever use or need" software and come up with a few revealing asteroid gems from my own birth chart.

In my birth chart, my Moon and Ascendant are conjunct the asteroid Alekto, named for one of the three Furies from ancient mythology. The Furies used to exact divine vengeance and punish those who defied the will of the Gods. This explains my style of presentation when I'm with a client. And since my Moon and Ascendant are also square Medusa, you'd better not look at me while I'm doing it.

My Uranus is conjunct Probitas, Latin for "honesty." Therefore, I am honestly eccentric.

My Neptune is conjunct Rachele. I don't actually recall knowing anyone by that name. Obviously, since Neptune was involved, I was always drunk when she showed up. Gee, I hope I didn't offend her, which is why she never came back...

My Mars is exactly conjunct the asteroid Hedwig. Yes, there really is an asteroid called "Hedwig," as in "Hedwig And The Angry Inch." If you've seen the movie, and know what Mars represents in male physiology... um, I don't want to talk about it.

Phyllis is exactly conjunct my Saturn, which is in the 9th House. This explains why Phyllis Diller was no help whatsoever with my higher education. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it was her who insisted I get drunk the night before mid-terms instead of studying. Then again, my Mercury is exactly square the asteroids Harvard and Berkeley, so I probably wouldn't understand the entrance exam questions anyway.

My natal Venus is exactly conjunct the asteroid Valentine. I don't have a joke to go with this... I just wish I'd thought to mention that the last time I wrote a personal ad. Then again, my Venus is exactly square the asteroid Nemesis, so maybe I should stay away from personal ads altogether.

And finally: my Sun is exactly conjunct the asteroid called America. This probably explains why I feel so out of place, what with being Canadian and all.

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Lunar Eclipse In Capricorn Effects, Described As A Dungeons & Dragons Random Treasure Table

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:30:00 +0000

(Roll Percentile Dice)

01–17 Bag of Bitching. Bag is a Capricorn which is suddenly questioning its place in life. Roll vs. Endurance or lose sanity for 2d10 rounds.

01–12 +3 Sword Of Sharpness. If player character is a Cancer, player must roll vs. Intelligence, or will use it on his/her spouse/partner while attempting to clarify what direction the relationship is going in.

13–24 Acid (2d4 flasks, each of which explode upon examination). Specifically Gemini acid, upset over recent financial dealings and/or relationships and/or STD test results.

25–36 Hole Of Infinite Sucking. Will probably be found inside a Sagittarius bank account.

37–48 Holy water. Originally created by a Virgo to fight vampires, this particular holy water was recently used to scrub out the memory of a doomed relationship. Now mostly dirty and useless.

49–62 A vial of antitoxin. It is empty, recently swallowed by an Aries attempting to leave his/her poisonous work environment. The Aries lies nearby, choking.

63–74 Everburning torch. Comparable to the ulcer Leos are experiencing trying to get their daily lives together recently.

75–88 Wand of Wisdom, pointed at the head of an Aquarius while they try to figure out why nothing is working out recently. The wand does not appear to be working out either.

89–95 A telephone (melted). Formerly owned by an astrologer overwhelmed by clients with sudden personal issues and collection agents.

96-00 =5 Magic Armor (roll d%: 01–10=Small, 11–100=Medium). Pretty much mandatory for everyone the next couple of weeks. Will protect you against anything (does not actually exist).

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Follow Friday: Astrology Expressed

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:30:00 +0000

(For an explanation of the "Follow Friday" concept and the Lemmy Awards, go here, and then come back.)

You never know what kind of weirdness you'll find lurking on the Internet. Case in point: Astrology Expressed, written by my cyber-friend Neeti Ray.

Now when you're looking at it, it may not necessarily look weird at all. In fact, if you spend some time with it, you'll find that she has an unusually good grasp of how astrology really works. Certainly she seems to "get it" with things like Saturn, love, and the truly important things in life.

She's also got an unusual talent for describing the feel of astrological concepts in poetic form, which is a gift I personally wish I had. Also, she's actually a good poet, which is a surprise. Most astrological poetry out there is of the Emo Girl "My boyfriend is an Aquarius/My Dad is an Aquarius/Aquarius sucks/I want to die" variety. Neeti's is actually good. And insightful.

So what's the weird thing about Neeti's blog? She tries to claim she isn't actaully an astrologer. If that's the case... why do you so consistenly get it, when so many other "actual astrologers" don't seem to?

Like I said.... weird.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Follow Friday And A Bushel Of Lemmys

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:38:00 +0000

Lately there's been a thing floating around the blogosphere called "The Lemmy Awards." It's where bloggers nominate/recommend other blogs that they find useful, entertaining, and/or informative. I still have no idea if "The Lemmy Awards" are an actual thing hosted by an actual group, or simply an escaped meme, or something in between. I've been nominated for a Lemmy more than once, and in my finest tradition... I've been slow to return the favor. This will be my way of making it up to you, and of paying the honor forward.

There's also a tradition on Twitter (Twitter's been around long enough to have "traditions"?) called "Follow Friday," where Twitterers recommend other Twits whose Tweets are Tworth Tchecking out. (Okay, I'm already tired of Twitter.)

I've decided to combine the two into my own Follow Friday here on my blog. If there's such a thing as a "Lemmy Committee," please consider each of my upcoming Follow Fridays as a nomination. For the rest of you, it will be easier... just read and enjoy.

Also, you now have an excuse to drop by at least every Friday. Lucky you!

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Compatibility And Bar Brawling: Moon In Cancer And Moon In Scorpio

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:34:00 +0000

(SCENE: Inside a bar. The few remaining patrons have their backs pressed against the wall and are hiding behind overturned tables. In the center of the room is MOON IN SCORPIO, brandishing a broken whiskey bottle at MOON IN CANCER. CANCER wields a serving tray converted into a shield and a table leg, which CANCER waves like a club. The two circle each other menacingly.)

SCORPIO: I'm sick and tired of all your defensiveness crap! (Takes a swing at CANCER, who dodges.)

CANCER: I'M defensive? You're the jerk with the stinger! You're every bit as sensitive -- or over-sensitive as I am! (Swings and misses with the club.)

SCORPIO: You're just like your mother!

CANCER: Oh you did NOT bring my Mother into this! (Swings and misses with the club)

SCORPIO: Quit being so damned defensive! (Jabs with the broken bottle, barely missing) Haven't you figured out by now that the whole world isn't against you?

CANCER: Well, it's not like I'm always using (swings club) sex and (swings again) anger to deflect anyone from really getting to know me!

SCORPIO: You know what I really, really hate about you? You're a lot like me!

CANCER: (Pauses, thinking) Y'know... that's probably why we're so drawn to each other.

SCORPIO: You're right. (Looks CANCER over) And you're hot, baby.

CANCER: Want to come with me to my place? I just redecorated.

SCORPIO: Let's go.

(They leave together. The remaining patrons of the bar breathe a collective sigh of relief, and restore the tables to their upright positions. After a few minutes, SUN IN ARIES and SUN IN LEO enter.)

ARIES: I'm having a great time tonight! Glad I decided we should go out!

LEO: Wait... that was my idea!

ARIES: (Turning to LEO menacingly) Why are you so damned self-absorbed?

LEO: (Angrily) YOU'RE the self-absorbed one!

(The customers all duck and cover behind the tables again...)

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Happy Uranus Station/Canada Day!

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Uranus comes to a grinding halt in the sky today, so have a good look at your birth chart. If you have something in the late degrees of the Mutable Signs... big things are a' happenin'.

It's also Canada Day, when we of the Frozen North celebrate our independence from the British Empire. That in and of itself wasn't terribly Uranian -- there was no great rebellion, no war for independence, no thrilling tales of battlefield daring. It's a little like taking the day off to celebrate getting your driver's licence renewed.

...Or so you'd think. We're a peaceful, kind and co-operative lot, generally speaking. But once a year on this day we gather and... secretly, while no outsiders are watching... we celebrate the story our neighbors to the south tend to gloss over when they're celebrating their own history. An educational video is provided below.

Oh, damn. I let the Big Canadian secret out. Now they're gonna revoke my citizenship. Wait... who am I kidding? This is Canada we're talking about. By the time we're done debating who should be on the Board Of Inquiry into my bad behaviour, I'm going to be long dead.

Anyway, Happy Uranus Station/Canada Day! Celebrate with your own act of revolution... before the revolution comes and finds you.

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Pisces: ShamWow Of The Zodiac

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:27:00 +0000

Hi, it’s Vince for Pisces! You’ll be saying wow every time you get involved with one! It’s like a chamois! It’s like a towel! It’s like a sponge! Most people just can't soak up this much raw sentiment and guilt! Pisces holds twenty times its weight in tears. Look at this! (wrings Pisces out over a bucket labelled "Early Childhood Trauma") It just does the work!

Why would you want to work twice as hard, emotionally? You have issues? Pisces will soak 'em up. You can make it feel like it's all Pisces' fault, and Pisces wrings out good as new. (Bashes Pisces flat against the counter-top) Look at that! Completely dry and ready for more of the same!

Here’s some cola, anger, wine, infidelity, coffee, accusations, and pet stains. Whatever you bring home, Pisces will mop it up and come back for more. Take a Pisces home with you tonight! Marry one! Better yet: get one for your home, and keep one the side at the office. They'll both blame themselves for your bad behavior! You following me, camera guy? No other sign's gonna put up with your crap quite like that! Look! I just blamed my drug habit on Pisces... and Pisces takes it! And look, Pisces is still empathizing! It acts like a vacuum! And yet Pisces still thinks I'm cute! See what I’m telling ya?

Pisces! You’ll be saying: make mine Fishy!

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Venus And Mars Conjunct In Taurus, Square Jupiter And Neptune: The Movie!

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:03:00 +0000

It's all there: sex, love, rebellion, sex, rebellion, love, sex... and, um, the sinister preachings of the Communist Puppet??

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

The Gemini Lesson, Presented In T-Shirt Form

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 23:26:00 +0000

I've spent a lot of time wandering around outside this weekend, due to a combination of excellent weather and restlessness, and for most of that time I've worn the same t-shirt. It's easily my finest German Industrial Metal t-shirt, featuring KMFDM'S "Godlike" (as shown above). And on the back, in big white letters, it says "I WILL PRAY!"

Canadians, being a fairly friendly lot, have been saying "hi" to me on the street a little more than usual. And often their reactions to me seem to be based on whether they approach me from the front or the back. People approaching me from the front seem to be commenting to me based on the assumption that I'm some sort of head-banging troublemaker with a taste for agitated music and social commentary. Those who approach me from behind (and who are confronted with "I WILL PRAY!") seem to be the more Spiritual/New Age-y/Good Christian Folks who assume that I am a fellow traveller in the ways of the Spirit. Those who approach me from the side just see the length of my hair, assume I'm some sort of hippie, and ask me if I know where I can buy some weed.

None of these people, of course, realize I am all of those things and more. If you find yourself really drawn to one of those things, you'd risk being tripped up and disappointed when you discovered one of those other sides.

I suspect there's a lesson about Geminis in all this, somehow.

Anyway, back to my weekend. For your enlightenment and entertainment, here are my Gemini files. Enjoy 'em twice!

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Michael Jackson And The Astrology Of Death

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:39:00 +0000

Most astrologers will tell you that it's a bad idea to look at such notions as death in a birth chart. And those astrologers make some excellent points. Then again, that's never stopped me from looking at the issue, such as with my blog entries about Natasha Richardson and Isaac Hayes, especially when their transits show such classic signs.

(This of course is also my chance to gently cajole you, if you are a professional astrologer yourself and not afraid of hard technicalities, to buy and absorb "The Astrology Of Death," written by the late great Richard "I died when I said I would" Houck.)

Word has just arrived about the death of pop hypermegastar/possible child molester/uber-weirdo Michael Jackson of a heart attack today in Los Angeles. And even at a cursory glance, there are some very distinct signs that, if MJ had consulted a knowledgeable astrologer, a warning could have been delivered. How much good that warning would have done, however, is another question...

Before we get into the details, a warning: the time of birth I'm using is from a generally-accepted rectification. One always needs to be cautious with these things, but from what I can see (and what I know about Michael Jackson) it looks accurate.

The big warning signs I'm seeing:

-Saturn opposing the natal Moon and squaring natal Saturn: never a good time. I know Jackson had recently announced a tour to help pay some bills, and I personally always thought he hated the idea. That's the sort of thing that is hard on a heart... both the situation, and the Saturn transit.

-The two pre-natal eclipse points (PNEs) in MJ's birth chart are at 3'26" Libra and 17'30" Aries. PNE's in a birth chart are easy to forget to look at, even for a thorough astrologer, but they have their place, especially in matters of death. Were there any aspects by transit to those points at time of death?

The last lunar eclipse (and Pluto) both closely squared the Libra point.
As of the eclipse, transiting Saturn quincunxed the Aries PNE, and Venus and Mars semi-sextiled it. Either one of these (relatively minor) aspects might not have grabbed my attention individually, but together they seem to demand attention.

Finally, the most telling aspects are complex and difficult to explain here (actually they aren't but it would take a book. And that book would be "The Astrology Of Death" by Richard Houck. Have I mentioned that book yet?) but if you like you can work out this Astrology Of Death technique for yourself.

1) Convert the chart to Vedic (Sidereal, whole-sign houses.)

2) Note the rulers of the 2nd and 7th Houses... in MJ's case, Venus and Mars (again: rectification warning here!)

3) Check the transits to those planets by both transiting planets and planets transiting those points by Tertiary Progression (not secondary progression).

Let me tell you... in Michael Jackson's case, the results are pretty spooky. Don't take my word for it: work it out for yourself.

Also, if you love someone... maybe now would be a good idea to let them know.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Both Sides Of The Issue: Your Gemini Love Quotes Of The Day

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:24:00 +0000

"I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign)..."

"If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he'd be gone."

"I think what he did in this matter was reprehensible... I feel very comfortable with my vote."

-South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, on his reasons for supporting the impeachment of Bill Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky affair.

“I’m committed to getting my heart right"

"I apologize to the people of South Carolina. There are many people out there right now who are hurt, angry and disappointed with me, and rightfully so. Over the time that I have left in office, I'm going to devote my energy to building back the trust the people of this state have placed in me”

-South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, after being busted sneaking out of the country (without his wife's knowledge) to go hang out with his Argentinian girlfriend.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Discount Capricorn Humor!

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:50:00 +0000

Hello Capricorn. I figured that since Saturn in Virgo is all nice and trine to Venus and Mars in Taurus, this ought to be a reasonably good time for you -- or so I figure. Of course, there's always a Capricorn ready, willing and able to pop up and volunteer that things are quite unpleasant, actually or maybe it's okay but my back hurts or something like that. This is why I love Goat People: they're so consistent.

For you Capricorns who are having trouble exploiting these solid transits (curse that New Moon opposing Pluto!), here's a little humor to lighten the day. You'd be pleased: since it's an old joke I re-wrote for you, I got a discount!

***

An old Capricorn and his wife are at the County Fair. There's a barn-storming pilot there with an old-school biplane, offering rides for twenty dollars. The Capricorn stands there and spends a long time looking at the plane and is clearly interested. The pilot notices this and approaches him about it.

"I'd love to," says the Capricorn, "but $20 seems pretty expensive."

"Tell you what," the pilot says. "If you and your wife can keep quiet for the entire flight, it's free. But if I hear one single noise out of you, it's double the cost."

"Deal!" says the Capricorn.

The pilot gets into the plane, and Capricorn and his wife get into the back seat.

The pilot takes off. He does insane barrel rolls and dives and loops and flies through an open barn and generally flies like a maniac, upside down and all over the place, all the while listening for a sound from the back of the plane. But he hears nothing.

Finally the pilot lands and gets out of the plane. The Capricorn approaches him and the pilot says, "Well, I've got to hand it to you: I didn't hear a thing. Congratulations... that ride was free."

"Thanks," says the Capricorn. "Of course, I almost said something when my wife fell out..."

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Venus and Mars in Taurus, Saturn in Virgo: Twitter Updates

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:46:00 +0000

Saturn I'm feeling pretty stable today. Then again, I always do.

40 minutes ago from web

Mars Where's this weird urge to go mate coming from?

39 minutes ago from web

Venus @Mars We're in Taurus. And we're conjunct. And you're standing on my foot.

37 minutes ago from web

Mercury @Venus @Mars WTF you two get a room LOL

34 minutes ago from web

Saturn @Venus @Mars You know, today would be an idea day for people to make sexual affirmations. You know, get what they want from who they want.

30 minutes ago from web

Mars Woo hoo! Seduce and destroy!

28 minutes ago from web

Venus @Mars You pig.

26 minutes ago from web

Mars @Venus You like it.

23 minutes ago from web

Chiron @Venus @Mars I'm in a lot of pain today.

22 minutes ago from web

Mars @Chiron STFU!

20 minutes ago from web

Saturn @Venus @Mars Like I was saying: conditions are right for people to make romantic goals solid and practical today.

19 minutes ago from web

Venus @Saturn I like the sound of that.

17 minutes ago from web

Mars @Saturn Good idea! @Venus Let's go for it!

17 minutes ago from web

Jupiter @Venus @Mars @Saturn But here you all are, wasting time on Twitter instead of "gettin' some." Morons.

15 minutes ago from web

Chiron @Venus I really hurt today.

6 minutes ago from web

Mercury RT @Venus RT @Mars RT @Saturn RT @Jupiter STFU CHIRON!!!

2 minutes ago from web

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Perez Hilton's Daily Horoscope For June 21, 2009

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:46:00 +0000

(Perez was born March 23, 1978, time unknown, Miami, Florida)

Although transiting Mars is quincunxing your natal Pluto, the drunken altercation you may experience with a member of the Black Eyed Peas after an awards ceremony in Toronto may not end in severe injury. In fact, since transiting Jupiter and Neptune are in trine to your natal Jupiter, you may actually find the incident is a valuable source of PR.

However, transiting Mars is also quincunxing your natal Neptune, so make sure you don't hinder your credibility by Twittering about it before you actually call the cops.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

New Moon In Cancer Opposite Pluto In Capricorn

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:40:00 +0000

For those of you keeping score, the last time Pluto was in Capricorn was when the American and French Revolutions happened.

Rumor has it that the ghost of Thomas Paine is learning how to sing "Street Fighting Man" in Farsi.

Pray for the people of Iran, friends. Not for Iran itself because by definition, if you choose a nation over a person... you aren't a friend.

If Letterman Was An Astrologer: Some Jokes About Sarah Palin's Birth Chart

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:45:00 +0000

And now, a few reasonably tasteless Sarah Palin jokes, based on her birth chart:

***

"We still don't have an official time of birth for Sarah Palin, so we can't exactly be sure what she has rising -- other than a few hillbilly libidos."

"Most people who shoot wolves would do it from the ground... Sarah Palin shoots hers from a helicopter. Of course, we all know how stand-offish Mars in Aquarius can be."

"Sarah Palin has a Mars/Saturn conjunction in Aquarius. These people are often drawn to ideas or people from another era. Speaking of which, I hear John McCain is going to run again..."

"Governor Palin has a Jupiter/Neptune quincunx. Some sources say this connection makes her idealistic but impractical. It's sort of a 'Bridge To Nowhere'..."

"Transiting Neptune is currently conjuncting Sarah's Sun, which could tend to make her take foolish offense at the wrong things. In a related development... I wonder who's conjuncting Bristol these days...?"

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

A Neptune Transit, Explained Via Haiku

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:13:00 +0000

Transiting Neptune

Trine my natal Jupiter

I wish I was drunk.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

What "The Age Of Aquarius" May Really Mean

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:07:00 +0000

The sweetest sight I've seen in ages: riot cops, running away.

...Among other things, people all over the world can join in helping the people of Iran protest against an unfair, rigged election. If you can't be in Tehran to shout and throw rocks, you can install tools on your computer to help participate in a Distributed Denial Of Service Attack against official government sources, and help keep the lines of communication open to the people on the streets... despite all official efforts to shut them up. Anyone with Internet access can do this.

Even an astrologer.

Oh, and in the event someone from the Iranian government is reading this and has a problem with it? Four words:

Sic semper tyrannus, bitches.

An Open Letter To Those Of You Enduring Saturn Transits

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 08:51:00 +0000

Carrie Prejean, Intolerance, And Your Mother

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:47:00 +0000

Normally I try to reserve comment on anything happening in the news amongst the famous without a solid, confirmed time of birth. But even without a time of birth, sometimes something will stand out really clearly. Like the transits being experienced by Carrie Prejean, the Miss California contestant who famously spoke out (half-coherently) against gay marriage and became a temporary icon of the anti-gay-marriage crowd.

Ms. Prejean has been fired, due "solely on contract violations, including Ms. Prejean's unwillingness to make appearances on behalf of the Miss California USA organization."

Apparently it's okay to make gays second-class citizens, but not if you don't show up as scheduled for mall openings and recruitment drives.

Carrie Prejean was born May 13th, 1987 (time unknown) in Vista, California. I wouldn't usually look at career and public issues within the context of a birth chart without a time: those issues belong to the Midheaven, the 10th House, and its ruler, none of which can be determined without the time of birth. What stands out to me as far as the transits she's having is that the current Moon-Neptune conjunction is squaring Carrie's Moon, which is not at all a comfortable thing for one's Moon-based issues.

The Moon in the birth chart can be said to rule a lot of things even if we don't know the house placements. Like, for example... your Mother.

And now it seems that Carrie Prejean's mother, divorced in 1988, may well be a lesbian.

Gee... now all of a sudden that line of Carrie's about "...in my family, I do believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman" makes perfect psychological sense, doesn't it?

Thank God that's over with. We can get back to life in a world without bigotry. Now if you'll excuse me... some neo-Nazi just shot up the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

Freecreditreport.com: A Love Song For Pluto In Capricorn

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:51:00 +0000

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Well I married my dream girl,

I married my dream girl

(Ah, the reality kicks in. We all start relationships on an emotional high, but it only serves to cover the flaws. In this case, your Dream Girl isn't going to be of financial benefit to you. Maybe you shouldn't be a husband at all... pimping is probably more your style.)

But she didn't tell me her credit was bad

(Don't you hate the terrible lies that always seem to screw up a relationship? This is why you shouldn't even go on a first date without a background check. Better get a blood panel and DNA test done too before dinner and a movie.)

So now instead of living in a pleasant suburb

We're living in the basement at her

Mom and Dad's

(Now, by "we," do you mean you and her... or you, her, and your apparently unemployed buddies who sit around the in-law's basement singing songs about how your bride has screwed your material ambitions? I'll bet her Mom and Dad are huge fans of the band, shouting requests at you from upstairs. "Now do the one about how she can't cook!")

No we can't get a loan for a respectable home

Just because my girl defaulted

on some old credit card

(That bitch! I'll bet she didn't get breast implants and had that threesome in college just to spite you, too.)

If we'd gone to free credit report dot com

I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard.

(Dude: there's no reason why you can't be a bachelor right now. As a matter of fact, I'll bet you will be soon enough. Then you and your band can go live in the park, where there are lots of dogs!)

Customer Service: How To Tell If You've Annoyed A Scorpio

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 16:20:00 +0000

Jupiter Amplifies Neptune: Laura Ling And Euna Lee In A North Korean Prison

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:37:00 +0000

There is a perfectly good reason why you won't find a whole lot of astrology articles out there about North Korea, despite their nuke-swinging swagger of late and their arrest of two American journalists.

-No one knows for sure where or when Kim Jong-il was born (Various sources disagree on the year and the place -- it may have been in the Soviet Union).

-North Korea itself has no less that three official birth days: March 1, 1919, August 15, 1945, and September 9, 1948. Even worse: the Rodden database (the gold standard of astrological data) gives September 12th, 1948 as the "date of birth." This would make it a Virgo with Moon in Capricorn... which I can believe, even if there's nothing to back it.

-I can't even find reliable birth data for US journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, who were recently sentenced to twelve years hard labor in a North Korean prison for illegally crossing the border from China into North Korea under mysterious circumstances.

North Korea is perhaps the biggest black box in modern political history. I've had a perverse interest in the place for a while now, and take my word for it -- they make Maoist China look like Sweden when it comes to openness and transparency. So, on some level, the secrecy and confusion and misdirection makes perfect sense. So, it's perhaps not surprising that the People's Republic, led by The Dear Leader, is in the news. Jupiter amplifies any planet it comes in contact with, and it's currently conjunct Neptune, easily the weirdest and most delusional planet in the astrological tool kit.

Having said that: I'm at as much of a loss to tell you what's going on as anyone and everyone else on the planet is. And what little I know... as with everyone else... scares the hell out of me.

Happy Jupiter-Neptune conjunction, everyone!

.

.

Are You There, God? It's Me... An Astrologer

astrotruth@gmail.com (Matthew The Astrologer) — Tue, 26 May 2009 12:29:00 +0000

Hi again. As per my previous blog entry, I'm still pounding away on the book and on my other projects, as per the handy widget on the right side of the blog. I'm also bringing back The Amazing Surprise Ten Buck Forecast Experiment and, although Version One was incredibly popular, this time it's back with a slightly improved twist. Check it out if you haven't seen it before... it's pretty cool, even if I do say so myself.

***

We are now experiencing a conjunction between Jupiter and Neptune, which is something that only hits about once every twelve years. The ideal way to deal with this -- the fusion of philosophy and mysticism -- would probably be to go off into the woods, eat some mushrooms, and hallucinate a new direction in life.

Unfortunately, modern society doesn't tend to encourage the consumption of hallucinogens, even if it's in an important and time-honored spiritual context. And even if your boss does let you have the time off, good luck getting your medical coverage to pay for the psilocybin.

So I've decided to provide the best substitute for you I can come up with on a blog. Achieve Enlightenment now... thank me later.

***

For a moment, please contemplate your own, deep down, personal answer to the following question:

Is there a God? Even if you aren't all that sure, odds are good that your answer will tend to either a "yes" or a "no." Either way, think about it for a moment.

Got that? Good. Now, ponder the following two statements carefully, in light of your answer:

IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD: There is not a single decent shred of scientific evidence out there anywhere for the existence of a Supreme Being. What little we do know about the birth, formation, and operation of the Universe does not require a Prime Mover, Creator, or Guiding Force. And what little we know about these things is not in line with the literal word of any of the scriptures of any of the major religions... or even of any of the minor ones, so far as I know. Go ahead: ask any physicist you know whether or not they believe in God. If that physicist says "yes," then ask him/her if any of the evidence in any way, shape or form unambiguously backs that contention. Unless your physicist is a graduation of one of those "universities" founded by a preacher, the answer is going to be "no." (If you physicist buddy did graduate from Sacred Pentecost Tax Shelter U., ask about how Adam and Eve and the dinosaurs all lived together in The Garden Of Eden. What follows next should be good for a few laughs if you know anything at all about science. Or logic.)

Inescapably, all reason and evidence points to the utterly unnecessary nature of a Creator.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD: If you were God, and were going to have a child (The Universe)... wouldn't you want that child to be as self-sufficient as possible?

***

There you have it. Contemplate until you achieve Enlightenment. And sorry I gave you work to do... this sort of thing is so much easier when there are mushrooms involved...