Matthew TW Huang

Residency Reflection

2023-08-05T12:06:00.002-04:00

(This was written in May 2022)

It's been almost four years since I've been with Vivian. The entire time she has been in her med-peds (Internal Medicine-Pediatrics) residency. This is my reflection on that time.

It began as one would expect; it started with us trying to find available times in our schedules. aka this is me trying to figure out what her schedule is. This was difficult because her co-residents knew her schedule better than she did! (Note: She continues to not fully understand how her schedule works)

I quickly learned about the Pokemon-colored teams and how "Golden Weekends" are just normal weekends.

In the first year (intern year), much of our time together was spent in two ways: Driving to/from the hospital and her writing notes while I did whatever I did. It seemed like intern year was 90% notes working ridiculous hours. The start of every rotation seemed like the first day at school or work with a sea of unknowns. As someone who doesn't get much anxiety, I can only try to empathize with how Vivian felt. For Vivian, "intern" year was more like 1.5 years since she was med-peds.

Just like going to college or getting a new job, groups of friends start forming. I'm not one to remember moments clearly, but I remember Vivian sincerely stating that she really hopes to get to know Ann and Lindsay much better (sorry Sam!); this was my first glimpse of how genuine she is.

Fortunately, Vivan had an amazing program that welcomed me effortlessly; they took me in even when Vivian had to work at the hospital! This convinced me that people in med-peds have the kindest souls (and the opinion continues to hold today).

Year 2. It was a shock that no one expected. March 2020 was supposed to be the start of an elective month that Vivian was looking forward to, Women's Health; instead, she was put into infectious disease (ID) at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. It literally sent our lives from 0 to 100 in just moments. I thought it was ridiculous, and I was upset that something like this happened to her while other residents who were on the "harder" rotations were getting one week on/one week off. I'm not sure what was going through her head, but she didn't complain, probably due to getting mentally prepared for her shifts and not having time to complain. In fact, she volunteered at the make-shift COVID site at a local hotel on her off days.

I'm not sure if I would have understood the seriousness of COVID-19 so early in the pandemic without being so close to Vivian's experience, including the process of returning home by removing all the scrubs before entering the apartment and immediately running to the shower. The residue from entire shifts of wearing multiple masks was obvious at first, but it quickly became the norm.

To this day, I cannot begin to comprehend what Vivian has experienced. Residency was difficult enough before COVID-19, but the pandemic must have turned up the intensity. It was heartwrenching to hear how fathers couldn't be with their newborn baby at the hospital or how families had to try to time their one-and-only visit with their family member who may pass away at any moment.

Year 3-4. Imposter syndrome was real (and still continues). But I saw glimpses of real confidence from Vivian. The challenges differ from years previous. It is more about managing the interns and setting proper expectations. I'm not surprised when co-residents say Vivian has been their favorite senior.

It was strange that a large portion of the group from the years previously have moved on to be attending physicians and fellowships, while Vivian moved on to Year 4.

The residency experience was interesting. So many thoughts. Vivian has grown tremendously from the experience and requires residents to flex various skill sets throughout the program, particularly communicating with diverse personalities (whether with co-workers or patients and their families). Bonds were formed and strengthened through trauma and challenges.

While the COVID pandemic was difficult, the past four years have flown by. Vivian and I have been so fortunate to have amazing family and friends to support us. We would not be here without you.

2020/2021 Reflection

2022-09-17T17:40:00.001-04:00

Update: Not sure how I forgot to publish this until now. It was written around March 2022.

Somehow I forgot to write a reflection last year. It's always nice to look back to previous reflections like in 2019. Since the last reflection, no one could have predicted what was to happen in the next two years.

2020/2021 Reflection

In early March of 2020, a week before we were told that we were to work from home, I wrote an unpublished post expressing why I loved working in healthcare. Interestingly enough, the focus was that healthcare should be about getting people to achieve their goals in life (no matter what their financial situation is) and not only seen as treating diseases. (After rereading that post, I'm convinced that I will probably end up back in healthcare in the future)

Little did I know that I would spend the next year and a half building one of the most impactful products I'll probably get the opportunity to work on in my lifetime with an absolutely stellar team. We built the vaccine scheduler from scratch for the record 2020 flu shot season. With our focus on the customer and pharmacy experience along with the enterprise system constraints, the result was the best experience at CVS Health.

We always knew that the COVID vaccines were to come (and built the vaccine scheduler as the foundation) but there was an ocean of ambiguity. From November 2020 to May 2021 we were as agile as a team could possibly be. The distribution of the vaccine changed on a daily basis and states/jurisdictions were setting their own vaccine eligibility requirements just as often.

I will certainly look upon those times fondly, despite (actually, because) the long hours and challenges. The various aspects of CVS came together to create a great experience in times where and when people needed it the most. Yes, there were negative articles, but they were outweighed by positive articles. I loved hearing about people's experience in getting their COVID vaccine at their CVS Pharmacy, but more importantly, what it meant for them (ranging from feeling safer to go out to go grocery shopping to seeing their family in person for the first time in over a year).

While I sat at my desk at home for hours on end, my partner, Vivian, was on the front lines of the COVID battle at the hospital and volunteering at a local hotel that was housing people with COVID. What was to be one of her election months that she looked forward to the most turned into infectious disease.

It was interesting to see how she was helping people directly and how I was involved with the administration of the vaccines from my desk. There were many days where the only hours we spent together were spent sleeping our exhaustion away only to recover for what was to come the next day. It was fitting that she was able to give me my first COVID vaccine.

With the vaccine scheduler deployed and the foundation set (and millions of COVID vaccines and millions of flu shots were administered), I thought it would be a good time to move on to another challenge. It certainly was not an easy decision. I got the opportunity to join TaskRabbit and be part of their top initiative, where I hope to make people's lives easier with an amazing team. I'm just starting this journey and we certainly have challenges ahead of us but I'm confident we will create an impact.

Through the pandemic, I got to travel quite a bit; of course, not nearly as much as in 2019. I did trips to Acadia National Park, Colorado (Great Sands National Park, Mesa Verde National Park, Grand Junction), Michigan to celebrate a beautiful couple (twice!), Toledo, Los Angeles/SoCal, Baltimore, Iceland, the Berkshires during the foliage season, and, most recently, to San Francisco.

Though travel was limited, it was interesting to see Providence/RI respond to COVID. I've had the opportunity to photograph various events on how people continued to live their lives despite the pandemic. Will people remember the socially distanced events and all the surprise group video chats? Hopefully, the photos I took will help us remember.

As for habits:
Music: I am still listening to Hamilton; though not as much! Sometimes I wander off to other music.
Food: One of my best purchases over the past two years is a blender. We've been drinking smoothies. I have definitely cut down on fast food thanks to Vivian and COVID. Baking was our COVID hobby and we made scones and macarons. One thing I have to work on is planning what to eat for lunch during work days; this was probably the contributing factor causing my weight loss during COVID times.
Books: I have been consuming more audiobooks than reading books over the past year. Without the commute, I had to be more intentional about reducing TV/Movie time and increasing time spent on books.
TV: I cannot possibly overly express how much I love Ted Lasso.
Writing: I've continued to write but much more in private (as you can see from the posts from this blog)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the most important part of the past two years. I asked Vivian to marry me and she said yes!

What's in store for 2022?

It will certainly be a year of change.

We will be moving to California (Bay Area). So we will have to participate in one of the worst things in life, moving.

As with previous years, I continue to be more intentional, set proper enthusiasm/expectations, have strong opinions weakly held, set priorities, and continue to improve upon myself.

There is so much to be excited about and I'm looking forward to a defining year just like 2020/2021 were.

Whole Self

2020-09-30T20:15:00.009-04:00

You may have heard the phrase, "Bring your whole self to work". This is something I have worked on over the past few years. Immediately after college, I definitely separated my life at work from my life at home. I was a respectable and professional robot in the workplace and didn't bring the natural spirit, enthusiasm, and high-energy demeanor that I had with my friends and family. At work, I enjoyed what I did and was pretty successful but I felt that something was missing.

Then I slowly realized that my personality could be a strength while working.

Bringing my "whole self" - meaning full-blown personality, quirks, and all - to work has not only helped me enjoy work more but also helps me make a bigger impact. If you know me, I love working and getting in the "flow" (no matter how tedious the work is). This is a characteristic that has always allowed me to grow quickly. Bringing my "whole self" also resulted in a realization that sometimes my brain works in different ways from my colleagues. This forces me to pause and reflect in my interactions, to make a conscious effort to ensure I am always treating people with the respect and kindness that they deserve. I have no doubt that this helps create a more enjoyable and productive environment.

At work, I love integrating my love for photography, product-building, team-building, and behavioral science into my day-to-day. Conversely, in my personal day-to-day, I love discussing my work; my friends are probably tired of hearing about CVS Health, but can probably attest to my passion. I'm blessed to be with a partner with whom I can discuss my work and I get tons of ideas from our conversations.

I don't think many people doubt the benefits of bringing your whole self to work. But the same idea should be brought to our personal lives as well. In other words - Bring your whole self to life. And take pride in it.

I've seen it too many times where people pressure their friends because of some characteristic that doesn't fit into the social mainstream. Or people pressure themselves to conform just because of social constructs.

It is often labeled as "innocent" when putting down someone for liking a song because it's too childish/girly/boyish/stupid. I know I've felt discouraged by someone's innocent comment which they probably didn't think anything of.

Being your whole self also includes staying true to passions you may hold that aren't widely mainstream. At some point between being a toddler and becoming a teenager, children are taught to have a certain identity based on gender, race, or other characteristics we may not control. This really restricts people.

I've been lucky to have identified multiple different environments where I can be my whole self. While I don't have the disposition to fall into peer pressure easily, I am encouraged to be myself by those close to me. It doesn't matter what others think, but the support of my peers is empowering. I do acknowledge that, as a heterosexual Asian man, I am extremely lucky to have many characteristics that are widely accepted by others.

One thing I love about people is their passion for whatever they love; it doesn't matter what their passions are. It's always interesting to hear how they got there (probably why I love the podcast, How I Built This). I particularly love hearing about niche interests because I'll probably learn plenty of new things.

I truly enjoy discussing how people improve their lives and seeing if I can learn from their experiences or if I can help them improve theirs.

I think in many friendships, there is a sort of separation between the whole self and the person in the friendships. There is an expectation in social media to present the ideal life. But that's not what I like to discuss. I like the struggles in life. For example, how to get to the impact in life they want to make or how someone is working on an objective in their life (e.g. getting better at something). It is in the struggle where people learn to grow beyond what they tend to think is possible; it is often what defines an individual.

There are two sides to empowerment. That is the individual feeling empowered and those people around empowering them. I'm fortunate to be in an environment where I have both and I hope I extend it to those around me as best as I can.

Vivian

2020-05-09T15:44:00.000-04:00

The strongest person I know. She switches teams because she thinks it's unfair that someone else is spending more time in a more dangerous environment. She drives head on to infectious disease not knowing what was ahead.

I have no clue what is going through her head. Somehow she fights through all the stress and anxiety. It's like deep inside she knows that she will come out at the end of the tunnel a stronger woman. And why shouldn't she? That's all she knows. That's what she works so hard for.

Even before this period of COVID-19, I couldn't comprehend how emotionally draining her work is. And I still can't and I don't think many can. Sometimes it's difficult often to mentally handle personal problems; she's dealing with all her problems plus many many strangers every day. And to her friends in the hospital whoever thinks "Wow, Matt is super quiet", most of the time, I'm just in awe of all of you (or I completely lost understanding five minutes ago).

And if all that wasn't enough, Vivian continuously pushes me to be better. Though she has been discouraged by my lack of cooking habits, she hasn't given up.

Being strong doesn't mean she doesn't get her rest though. She sleeps like a rock when the stress dies down. Yeah, she can be messy; leaving socks here and there. But isn't that excusable because of everything else she takes on? (Vivian, this is not making it okay to leave socks everywhere!)

People often wonder how I can be so optimistic about people during these times. In addition to those around me in my life, Vivian makes that easy (whether that be a good thing, I'll let you decide).

I wrote this mainly to think out what I've been feeling because I'm often terrible at expressing my emotions verbally. "Writing is refined thinking". I also don't want to forget some intimate details that will be easily lost in what I expect to be an extraordinary life with Vivian. Also, Vivian deserves praise!

State of Matt (2019 Reflection/2020 Aspirations)

2019-12-29T12:29:00.000-05:00

The Intro

As I prepare for my holiday card, as one does, I tend to reflect on how my year went and often incorporate some of the themes in the card. Upon reflection, I couldn't believe so much of what I did earlier in the year was 2019.

The Reflection

This year was probably the first year in my life where I went months without having a full weekend of nothing planned. I didn't understand how people could be so busy all the time. Now I sort of get it. Some people need accommodations for their schedules, particularly ones without much flexibility. Though, I still believe that people can find time for the important things in life.

It's been a fulfilling year in many aspects of life. At work, we've been going through a critical transition to change the culture and environment we work in. In my personal life, I've been embraced by new friends and family and existing friends and family. It is because of everyone around me that my year was so satisfying.

Photography has expanded what I see in the world and it has given me the opportunity to be in people's lives which I would never encounter without it. I'm still figuring what I want from photography, but I'm certainly enjoying the journey.

I've traveled throughout the year to celebrate and vacation with friends and family. Indianapolis, Puerto Rico, Minnesota, Seattle, Vancouver, Maine, Vermont, New York, Los Angeles, Detroit. Those trips were memorable and I don't know if I can best it next year. (That's the thing about having such a great year... How does one 1-up it in the upcoming year?).

Some things didn't change; for better or worse. I'm still stuck listening Hamilton, but at least I've added the Crazy Rich Asians soundtrack to my routine? To be honest, most of what I've been listening to have been audiobooks (still on that nonfiction grind). I've been in my own bubble and have lost much of what has been happening in present culture.

One special person had made this year particularly amazing. She has been with me through the stressful times (this year has more stressful than previous years) and been there for the joyful moments (often, she was the reason they were joyful). I've learned so much from her. She is loving, empathic, intelligent. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. She is my Lifesaver.

As for the goal of "New Year. Better Me", I think I've easily met that goal because of everyone around me. These people have motivated me to be a better person and supported me. From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you (you all know who you are).

The Vision

As I look at 2020, I know I won't have perfect vision (get it???). But I will continue to improve myself and continue to learn as much as I can. I am hoping that writing these will keep me accountable while letting you know so you can support me as well (I mean, if you've read this far, you probably care about me...)

In the immediate future, I hope to:

Clean out the podcasts I don't listen to anymore on Pocket Casts. Maybe I'll pick up some new ones!
Settle into my new place and make it cozy
Catch up with more current music (sorry Hamilton...)
Clean up my desktop and photograph collection on my hard drive

Longer-term:

As with many of my CVS Health colleagues, I'm excited to try our best to help patients on their path to better health; I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to do so. I hope to improve on an individual level as a product manager and continue to bring the change to make a more significant difference as a team.
Slowly make improvements to my new place. I've been watching a ton of This Old House; how do I become more handy? (There will probably be a dedicated post related to this)
Eat better. This would include cooking more (e.g. dinners, egg tarts, macarons), less fast food, and eating less meat. This has recently started with making our own smoothies and even making my own ice cream!
Exercise more.
As with previous years, I continue to be more intentional, set proper enthusiasm/expectations, have strong opinions weakly held, set priorities, and continue to improve upon myself.

Do What's Hard

2019-07-22T21:55:00.002-04:00

Think about the achievements you have had throughout your life. I bet they were results from trying and hard times.

Some people say their best years would be college. Our minds are challenged in an extremely social and ideal environment.

In many workplaces, we struggle to challenge our employees and in turn, they only have extrinsic motivations to keep on working. This may have worked in a manufacturing period but will not be effective in the future where it is harder to measure production. People naturally go towards the challenging and where they can contribute value. When you do the hard things, you feel empowered to do more and even more challenging things.

It is no wonder why doctors go through extensive training. They struggle and learn tremendously from those experiences, driven by intrinsic or extrinsic motivations. They also gain respect for their colleagues and others within healthcare.

Often, the deepest friendships have gone through the best and worst of times. Struggle builds character and develops personalities.

Struggling builds appreciation and empathy. I've struggled through my weaknesses and now can offer others advice on how to overcome similar struggles; this is one of the best parts about passing through struggle. More often than not, someone else has been in a similar situation; for some odd reason, that makes things feel easier (sports example: Under 4 minute mile. Once thought impossible. Roger Bannister did it and then others followed shortly after).

I love the idea of struggling well (from Ray Dalio and his principles). There is a difference between struggling for survival and struggling in order to grow. I would say it is better to supply life's necessities like shelter, food, water, and insurance and have people find intrinsic motivation to develop and grow. This aligns with Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

It's not about the destination; it's about the journey.

Good Deeds

2019-07-03T21:25:00.000-04:00

Years ago, after some employees were laid off, I overheard one of those colleagues state their secret phrase to get into their account as "No good deed goes unpunished". It was one of the most emotional moments I have ever experienced particularly since I just started my job a few months prior and I didn't have many responsibilities and didn't have a family to support unlike many of those who were laid off.

If you grew up in the elementary public education system in RI, you probably participated in the Alan Shawn Feinstein Good Deeds program. Essentially, children journal good deeds that they do and they are rewarded with a membership to various attractions (e.g. museums). This was gamification before it was popular!

While I rushed to fill the journal of good deeds for the Feinstein program (my competitive nature took control), I don't think it was a significant influence for why I like to help others. I think one of my biggest influences was seeing my family help others, including being forced to help others when my father couldn't help others by himself. It was then when I fell entranced by the feeling of giving.

To this day, I like to give back to people when I can. When I see people taking selfies or a parent taking pictures of their children, I offer to take a photo with my camera. For some odd reason, people love it when someone who looks like they know someone about photography takes a photo of them (only if they knew that I'm not that great!).

Seeing little things making people's day is one of the best things; I love seeing things like Improv Everywhere. It just goes to show how something so little to one person can make such a massive impact on another person's life.

One thing that one must not forget is that the world isn't a zero-sum game.

Learning Photography: Editing

2019-05-11T16:29:00.000-04:00

This is a continuation post about learning photography (Intro, Exposure, Focus, Changing it up).

As I said previously, editing photographs is a crucial aspect of photography. Most of the time, I aim to recreate my photos as I see them in real life. Editing does not mean that I'm changing the objects in the image in any way; 99.9% of the time, I'm only doing basic edits like cropping, exposure, and tone.

If you shoot RAW, you HAVE to edit those photos; they look bland otherwise. You have to edit the photos in order to take full potential of your camera (e.g. dynamic range).

I use Lightroom to catalog and edit my photos. You can organize photos in Lightroom with titles, keywords, ratings, color label, and so much more; but I must admit, I'm not very good at organization of my photos. I do go through photos and rate them and mark the unusable photos as such.

As with any tool, the best way to learn is to use the tool and get comfortable with it.

In the Develop module, play around with the various editing settings you can adjust and see how they change the photo. This includes white balance, tone, hues, sharpening, noise reduction, transform, and vignetting.

One of the most important features is lens correction; based on your camera and the lens you used, the program will adjust the photo to reduce vignetting, distortion, chromatic aberration, and other things.

Then you have other useful tools like cropping and leveling. Cropping is an essential way of processing an image to express what you want (underutilized in my opinion). Also, depending on where you plan to print or share your photos, they may be required at a certain ratio (e.g. Facebook cover photos are much wider than other photos).

Other useful tools to learn are the spot removal tool, graduated filter, and the adjustment brush.

You've probably heard of presets and I would stay away from presets (littered all over the internet, sometimes costly). But if there are presets you like, study what elements make the preset look that way. Presets are just edit "settings" (think filters).

There is a ton to learn and it can seem overwhelming, but there is no better way in learning than just using the software. I would recommend learning basic editing settings than slowly learning more advanced settings and tools.

Some features I use almost every time I edit photos:
"Previous" button: Applies the settings from the last photo I edited to the currently selected photo
Select multiple photos->"Sync": Syncs all selected photos to the current settings
Transform: Allows to straighten out lines/level the photo
Plug-Ins: I use the SmugMug plug-in in order to publish my photos to my website. This allows me to essentially push one button to get my photos on my website. This saves me tons of time! I also have smart galleries based on keywords; photos are automatically added to certain galleries if they have certain keywords.

I love discussing photography with others so let's chat!

That Feeling

2019-04-11T20:56:00.000-04:00

Let's do a not so serious post.

Have you ever felt like no one understands you? That no can really feel your pain?

Well, that's how I've felt in the past couple of days. From the outside, I look perfectly fine. I'm walking like normal and I'm smiling like my usual self (I think).

You may hear that something is different when I speak though. I'm mumbling! I may be speaking to you farther than usual as well.

Every gulp of water is painful. Don't even ask about eating; I'm eating at half my normal speed to spread out the agony. What's even worse is trying to clean smaller pieces from my teeth.

But I know most people have probably been through something similar. I bit my tongue and got an aphthous ulcer, or more commonly known as a canker sore. Any moment of my tongue seems to cause discomfort; is the worst when it's exposed to a "new" environment, particularly air and spicy foods. It's not really something you think about unless you get one, but anyone else could have one without you even knowing.

I'll never appreciate drinking and eating without pain more than today.

So I guess the lesson is to give people a break even if they look fine. You never know what they are going through.

Privilege to Think

2019-03-30T18:20:00.000-04:00

12/12/2018

What is Privilege? It's access to things that others don't have access to.

My biggest privilege that my parents didn't have? Time to think. To date, I feel like 90% of my parents' conversations involve money (the other being conversations about other people). My worries greatly differ from my parents'. I have the privilege to have the freedom from worrying about finances all the time; I get to spend that time thinking about the impact I can make and how I can improve myself and my relationships.

I've been fortunate to have an amazing family, who worked to give me a favorable opportunity at higher education. At this point in my life, I have reflected on all the luck I've encountered throughout my life and am entirely bewildered. I have a hard time thinking that any of my own efforts even come close to affecting where I am in life than the serendipity of life.

3/30/2019: I'm not entirely sure where I was going to take this, but here's something:

Many people aren't and won't be as fortuitous as me, but I can try to help as many people to overcome obstacles and reach their potential. There will be times where it will be helping people directly and helping those indirectly whether that be with my work, photography, or even this blog.

I've written on this blog before: taking time to reflect on life is invaluable. It helps you appreciate the fortune you have had and helps you think through how you can overcome any challenges in the future.