m.d. mcmullin

Memory

2008-05-14T11:16:00.004-04:00

I was watching this story with Diane Sawyer (found here) about a woman who has this gift/curse of not being able to forget. They're not sure if it is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or if she is an Autistic Savant. They are doing research to map her brain to see if it might be helpful for Alzheimer's Research.

She can remember what happened to her on any day over the course of her life. If you giver her a date she can tell you something that happened on that day. She has done work for TV shows doing retro specials because she can remember every episode of her favorite shows. Some think that she has a gift, she sees it a little more mixed. She can remember all the good things but has a difficult time remembering the bad things. She remembers every mean thing said to her. Her husband passed away and instead of time healing the grief, she remembers it every day as though it happened yesterday.

The rest of us have selective memories. We remember bits and pieces of our lives. It is interesting to note how a family can remember the same event like a vacation differently. One person remembers how fun it was to sing in the car while another remembers how stinky and annoying it was in the back seat being made to sing silly songs. Just goes to show that perception is not always truth. Or perhaps the "facts" of an event are subject to the perception of those in attendance. I think this shows the value of community. Each individual memory is but one voice in the choir. We are meant to hear the song as sung by the whole choir.

I find all of this interesting right now because I've been having dreams of memories. There are people and places that I had forgotten about that suddenly I am remembering while I sleep. I find myself trying to discern what is an accurate memory and what is conjured in a dream. I wake up in a nostalgic daze and wonder if I have remembered the event correctly or if my mind has creatively edited.

The mind is a complicated thing. It finds ways to deal with things. Often we glorify an event or a relationship in our minds. Kind of like the story that becomes more grand with each telling. Sometimes we block out hurtful things as a defense mechanism. Sometimes we choose to forget things subconsciously because it doesn't fit with how we would like to remember a time in our lives. Just as some people remember only the good, others remember only the bad.

My friend Robb was telling me about this really interesting episode of This American Life (show on NPR) about a guy who was trying to find the teenage girl who babysat him when he was nine. After much work he finds her and he discovers that each of them remembered something about the other that the other would just as soon forget.

As the great philosopher, Kevin Arnold (from the Wonder Years) once said, “Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” But what if the things you love and the things you remember about yourself are self-destructive? There is a value and a fondness to memory. But aren't there times when we obsess over those things we don't want to lose. We become like the poor women in the Dateline story who can't stop grieving or stop remembering the things and people that she lost. We are unable to forget those moments and the fond memory becomes haunting regret.

"if dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts." - counting crows

There is a time to be set free from the past. The Spirit of Truth comes alongside of us and helps us to see that our perception of the past was not the reality we had thought. We had "misremembered" an event that brought negative feelings only to find out others had remembered it quite differently. There is a freedom that comes from knowing the truth (John 8:32).

May you be free of the memories that haunt you. May the things that bring regret and pain become places of peace and healing.

The Sheet Metal Cross

2008-05-12T23:03:00.004-04:00

As I was driving this weekend up and down I-75, I was reminded of these "landmarks" to the sub-culture of the Bible Belt. There are 3 of these in East Tennessee (this is actually a picture of one in Bristol, VA on the TN-VA border). I used to see these and sing a little song I made up to the tune of "Old Rugged Cross". I was going to post it here but after reading it realized it was way too mean and sarcastic.

The Pastor of Victory Baptist Church in Bristol, Virginia speaks about the crosses and has their pictures proudly on the front page of the website.

A person might wonder and ask: "why would a church build such a landmark?" The answer is a simple one: to remind people that Christ died for our sins on the cross. Pastor Austin Cook said, "You can’t look at it without being reminded that he died for our sins 2,000 years ago."

The church hopes this cross will be a blessing to people as they travel up and down Interstate 81 and be reminded that the way of the cross leads home.

Two things come to my mind when I read his remarks, yea even three.

1 - I have never been to led to remember the crucifixion of Christ by seeing these large sheet metal structures. It honestly has never crossed my mind until I read his remarks. They just reminded me I was in the Bible belt where everyone is supposed to be a Christian.

2 - The last quoted phrase ("the way of the cross leads home") reiterates my theory that most churches do not want truly unchurched people but simply want to win over or attract church people. How does seeing a large piece of metal reveal the message of Christ to someone who has never heard it? It may serve as reminder to someone who has fallen away from the church but it isn't a reminder of home to someone who has never been "home".

If you saw a large metal lotus on the side of the road, would it suddenly remind you that the lotus is a Hindu symbol which teaches how one should live in the world in order to gain release from rebirth: without attachment to one's surroundings or would you say, "Cool flower"?

3 - As I was checking out their website I noticed they have pictures of their church building and this cross all over the front page. When I was designing the website for my previous church i did some research on web design. Much of the advice from webmaster forums talk about how an organization's front page gets to the point of what is really important to that community or business. They strongly encourage you to be intentional about how you identify your group in your first impression to web surfers.

A church that has its building, the newest sermon series or a list of activities/programs lets you know up front they like their buildings, their pastor's preaching style or "how much they have to offer". (of course many senior pastors decide what's gets on the front page so maybe THEY like their preaching style). When my pastor wanted to put a picture of our building on the front page, I tried to talk him out of it. We compromised by putting a picture of people on the front too.

I'm not really knocking this church in particular. It's simply a product of the sub-culture and lot's of churches are not very intentional about their websites. Perhaps the un-intentionality is a little more honest anyway.

Trip to the Bluegrass

2008-05-08T23:15:00.003-04:00

We're leaving tomorrow for a quick trip to Northern Kentucky for Mother's Day Weekend. I have only been "back home" once in the past four years. It will feel good to make that trip from Cleveland to Northern Ky (about 330 miles), I must have made that trip a thousand times between 1991 and 2004.

My parents were really good about coming to visit us in Texas or meeting us in Tennessee or Georgia to make the trip a little easier. It will feel good to be in the house again. I can't wait to get some Skyline Chili Coneys too? :) My sister, Jennifer, and her husband are coming over Sunday for lunch and on Saturday I think my Dad and I are going to take in a Cincinnati Cyclones Hockey game as well (playoffs). And of course it's Mother's Day so I will get to be with my Mom.

I love going to Kentucky.

Openings

2008-05-06T14:34:00.004-04:00

I'm feeling introspective today.

Yesterday I was reading from the diary of George Fox (Quaker from the 1600's - a post on that forthcoming). He talks about experiences with God as "openings". Moments in which something is opened and God reveals to us and transforms us. So I began to pray for an "opening". I have felt somethign stirring for quite some time and our move to Tennessee was only the first step. I am beginning a new phase of my life and would like some direction from God for the next step.

I had one of those moments today where a seemingly ordinary event stuck out as though it meant something more. I was sitting in Cleveland at an intersection where both of the roads change their names. Paul Huff Pkwy becomes Stuart Rd and Keith St. becomes North Lee Hwy. Roads change names all the time as they pass through a different part of town especially over another major road, but I just thought it odd that two major roads change names at the same intersection. A new name doesn't change the direction that a road travels. You still get to the same place regardless of what it is called. But sometimes a name change is good.

I had lunch with a friend today who also took a step of faith about a year and a half ago. It was similar to the one I am taking now. He shared about for him how he had one of those divine moments or "openings' while in Clarksdale, MS at the "crossroads" (blues fans understand what this means). I kind of laughed inside as I had just noticed an interesting crossroad (intersection) on my way there.

I feel like God is stirring something in me. He is getting my attention and preparing me for a choice that I will be asked to make.

I began to think about how God usually walks through an opening with me. Often in my life, God plants a thought or idea in my mind and heart and then let's it grow for a while. Eventually it grows to a point where I feel sure what or how it is I am meant to respond. God planted in my heart to adopt a child a year and half before someone approached us about adopting Samuel. 9 months before I took a trip to Ireland I felt called and had reslved that one day I would need to go. Both times when I was asked if I wanted to do it, I knew the answer before they finished the question.

So what is the next opening? What is God preparing for me? There are a few things stirring in my spirit and I'm curious to see which one is next. I have an idea that something is coming. I'm too insecure as a "prophet" so I will resist the urge to share what those things are. I would ask that you say a prayer for me that I will see and hear the next opening.

My Liturgy

2008-05-04T13:01:00.003-04:00

Liturgy is a form or pattern of worship. All churches have liturgies. We use the term "Liturgical Churches" to refer to churches with a formal set of worship patterns. These churches belong to a larger community that has a common liturgy (Roman Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran etc). By calling some churches "liturgical" it implies that other churches are not or do not have a pattern of worship.

This morning I had intentions of visiting a church. As I walked outside, I realized my car (affectionately known as "the goldfinger") had a really low tire. I noticed this a few weeks ago and filled it up. But now I decided i should go to Walmart and get some "fix-a-flat". So my morning of worship was interrupted. After taking care of that I decided to have my own time of worship.

Today my liturgy included a time of prayer in the car. Coffee and a danish at Panera while reading the Chattanooga Times Free Press. I then listened to a podcast sermon by Erwin McManus. He is the pastor of Mosaic in Los Angeles and I really enjoy his sermons. I would love to visit his church in California. I got to meet and have lunch with his brother Alex (name drop) who is also a really cool guy.

He spoke about "Calibrating Our Priorities" and it was very good. It was mostly about the choices we make and directions that we go. He mentions that many of our best and worse decisions come in the moments of crisis and that sometimes the only difference between a good or bad decision is the antecedent choices or priorities we have set ahead of time that guided our decision. The five things he mentioned were legacy (what effect does this leave on the momentum of your life?), mission (does this fit with what God has called you to do?), relationships (does this reflect a heart that loves others more than yourself), morals (does this violate any ethic or personal commitment you have set for yourself?), identity (is this who God created you to be?).

I am feeling very reflective today. Perhaps it is a Sabbath.

Saturday AM with Samuel

2008-05-03T23:53:00.004-04:00

This morning Samuel and I had a fun time. Angeline was at Lee graduation (this is the biggest part of her job in Academic Events). I was awoken at 7:45 (which is actually pretty late for Sam to sleep). He then notified me that he wanted breakfast. When I asked him what he wanted he said "donuts". I tried to think of a donut place in Cleveland. In Tyler there was literally a Donut Palace on every corner (here's a map to prove it). Cleveland used to have a Dunkin Donuts but it was turned into a local place that doesn't look very nice. It reminds me of the kind of place that sells donuts, live bait and used lawn mowers.

I couldn't think of anywhere else and so . . . we went to Krispy Kreme in Chattanooga. That's right, nothing but the best for my son. We drove in the rain 30 minutes for "HOT NOW" from Krispy Kreme. It was fun on the way down we talked about where snakes live, what mail carriers do and commented on every tractor, bulldozer and crane we saw.

We ate donuts and drank chocolate milk on the way back. We sang a song about chocolate milk (chocolate chocolate chocolate milk, chocolate chocolate chocolate milk - repeat as many times as you like). When we got home we played for 2 hours straight. Everything from cars, planes, and wrestling on my bed. It really was fun. I missed him a lot for those 2 months in Texas. it has been good to make for the lost time.

After we ate a fried bologna sandwich for lunch (like I said nothing but the best!) I laid him down for a nap. He asked me to pray for him in his bed like I do at night. After I prayed he gave me a big hug and said "I love you Daddy". He has told me that hundreds of times but it really felt special when he said it, like he had thought about it and really meant it.

I can't imagine my life without him.

Coming Out of the Closet Part I

2008-05-01T20:26:00.003-04:00

I've decided to come clean on a few things. As a pastor in Texas I sometimes felt like I needed to keep somethings to myself. I wasn't dishonest about anything but there were some battles I just wasn't interested in getting into. I usually just sidestepped any possible debate about politics, culture or finer points of doctrine. In an effort to become more transparent, I've decided to come clean . . . in baby steps.

1 - I don't like Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh

2 - I've seen every Harry Potter movie

3 - I love NPR radio

4 - I don't like Dispensational Theology

5 - I prefer MSNBC to Fox News (it seems more fair and balanced)

6 - Christians don't have to be Republicans

7 - Pro-Life might mean more than just abortion

8 - I can't stand those Tim LaHaye Left Behind books.

9 - I watch Project Runway on Bravo

10 - I don't like evangelism tracts

:)

Play-doh and Balloons

2008-04-30T19:33:00.005-04:00

This is an oil and play-doh piece done by artist Jeff Koons. I love how pop art is so pretentious and campy. Although Koons would probably consider himself neo-pop or post-pop.

The shift into post-modernity has again blurred the lines between what is bad taste and high art. Where as pop art (still in modernity) would incorporate images from popular culture as though it were just "quoting" or making a point to be ironic. Neo-pop seems to actually embrace the "ugliness" and "normalness" in a primitive, elemental way as to re-interpret it in light of a new definition of what art is or is not. Many academics reject this as not real art because it is simply a copy of culture and a rejection in itself of the formal structure or art.

There are a lot of parallels to draw between art and church and the ways the established groups are handling the transition from modernity into post-modernity. The polish, formality and "excellence" of modernity are giving way to the honesty, self-revelatory and truthful post-modernity. Art is what we want it to be.

dog balloon (blue)

walking in a foreign land

2008-04-29T15:18:00.003-04:00

By faith Abraham, when he was called,
obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance;
and he went out, not knowing where he was going.

By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a foreign {land,}
dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise;
for he was looking for the city which has foundations,
whose architect and builder is God.

Hebrews 11:8-10

My Baseball Teams

2008-04-26T23:13:00.006-04:00

I really like sports. I have several teams in every sport that I like to pull for. This is odd for some folks who choose ONE team and put everything they have into it. I like being able to root for a team even if they aren't my favorite. I also have several teams that I do NOT like (the Yankees, Ohio State and Duke would be at the top).

So I've decided now that we're into baseball, I would reveal my favorite baseball teams in each division. Let it be known my favorite baseball team are the Cincinnati Reds. I grew up there in the days of Pete Rose and Johnny Bench and still love the Reds even though they don't like to win. I've also included parenthetical comments if there is a special reason I like that team.

National League
East
Braves - Marlins - Mets - Phillies - Nationals
(Gary Carter, Mookie Wilson, Doc Gooden)

Central
Cubs - Reds - Astros - Brewers - Pirates - Cardinals
(Hometown team)

West
Diamondbacks - Rockies - Dodgers - Padres - Giants
(classic sports team - the Rockies were close here)

American League
East
Yankees - Red Sox - Orioles - Rays - Blue Jays
(Wade Boggs and I can't stand the Yankees)

Central
White Sox - Indians - Tigers - Twins - Royals
(Kirby Puckett)

West
Angels - A's - Mariners - Rangers
(Bash brothers in the 80's - McGwire & Canseco)

Curb Appeal

2008-04-25T15:07:00.004-04:00

Angeline and I love to watch those shows on TLC, Discover Channel, HGTV (etc.) about fixing up houses, flipping houses, do-it yourself projects etc. (we don't watch that Extreme Makeover Home Steroid addition where they really just build a new house instead fixing your old one -- we used to but it became so focused on the designers personalities and how dismal the focus family's situation was and how the deserved a new house). I especially like the house flipping shows where they take a dump and fix it up to sell it. I love the idea of restoring old houses, except I don't have any money and I'm not good a fixing things. Another interesting show is Curb Appeal where they fix up the outside of a house to make it more attractive to potential buyers and to increase its value.

During our Worship Conference at Rose Heights, Jack Deere said something that really pressed on me. The theme was intimacy and he was connecting intimacy with God to relationship and fellowship with Him. He said something like "God can enjoy spending time with you just as you are." He said it more than once over the weekend and said around it that we don't have to do anything to fix ourselves up for God. He wants to be with us and He loves us as we are now.

I have known about God's unconditional love, and that He doesn't love us anymore after we get saved than He did before. But I think perhaps I had held on to this thought that I must change who I am for God to really enjoy being with me. That he put up with me at the beginning with the hope that I would get better.

I think a lot of Christians try to do a spiritual curb appeal to make themselves look more attractive to God. If we "fix ourselves up" it will increase our value and then God will want to listen or be around us more.

But this is backwards...isn't it? God doesn't require us to be perfect when we approach Him. Unlike other gods, He desires imperfect sacrifices. He wants to be with us before we look and smell nice. The time we spend with Him transforms us to being more like Him. But it is God that does the "fixing".

So I've been thinking do we expect the same things of others? Do we expect them to clean themselves up and make themselves more attractive before they come to church. Do we get offended when people where a beer t-shirt or smell like cigarettes in church? Do we withhold affirmation and affection from people who don't have the right curb appeal? Do we expect them to raise their value and attractiveness?

Who is your first president?

2008-04-23T00:26:00.005-04:00

I was watching some of the commentary tonight about the democratic primary in Pennsylvania on MSNBC (I like Chris Matthews). They make reference to and parallel a lot of previous elections. Most interesting to me was comparing this race to 1960 when JFK would ultimately (and barely - 33%popular vote - 53% delegates) win the hearts of delegates over the established LBJ. The two apparently did not like each other much like Obama and Clinton. (It's kind of funny they made LBJ his VP)

Of course I have no internal knowledge of JFK or LBJ or any other primary or election before I was born in 1973 (Nixon was president barely). And to be honest I wasn't really politically aware at my birth. The first president I can really remember was Jimmy Carter, who was running for re-election against Ronald Reagan. I was in 2nd grade and we held a mock election (Reagan won due to elementary students not agreeing with Carter's Middle East policy). So I suppose I was 6 or 7 (1979-1980) before I was really aware of who the president was.

Which brings me to the question: who is you first president? So . . . who is the first president you actually remember? I'm curious to see the responses.

Whispering Giant

2008-04-20T23:22:00.004-04:00

I've always liked this statue in downtown Cleveland, TN. It was given to the city in 1974 by Peter Wolf Toth who carved a Native American sculpture for each of the 50 states (here's a list of the "Trail of Whispering Giants"). Tennessee actually has two statues.

I didn't really notice how much obvious influence Native Americans had on the Southeast (and North America in general) until a few years ago some friends were visiting from Ireland and commented on how many things have Native American names. I started to think about it and many of our cities (Chattanooga-means "crow's nest") and states (Tennessee) were named for or after a version of a Native name (27 states).

Tomorrow is Sunday

2008-04-19T21:29:00.003-04:00

It has been my usual routine to sit on Saturday night and think about Sunday morning . . . and I guess I'm doing again tonight . . . but in a different way.

I don't have anywhere to go to church tomorrow. I know "church" is not a place we go but a people that we are. Cut me some slack, modernity's stamp is still visible in some of the ways I think. Saturday evening was usually not very enjoyable for me . . . I was often stressed out.

Usually I would think through the morning and a checklist in my mind. Sunday mornings were always filled with lots of small talk, smiles, hand shakes and courtesy laughing. That was really all there was time for. Those 10 minutes between Sunday school and service don't really allow for anything beyond surface level. It always surprised me when someone wanted to use their 45 seconds with a pastor in a hallway to ask a complicated theological question, complain about some level of church customer service or seek advice for a "friend" having marriage trouble. I would always invite them (almost beg them) to please call me or email me during the week with their questions when we would have more time. Most did not. (This could be a whole different post about the need for discipling relationships)

I am a shy person by nature. Small talk and cute jokes are work for me. I like people and like being with people, but I feel awkward with chit chat and cheesiness. I stressed out about appearing cordial and making people feel important more than I did speaking in front of 700 people. The social pressures of ministry were more heavy than anything else. And so I would come home from church on Sunday afternoon drained.

But not tomorrow.

My parents are in town and I think we are having breakfast with them before they head back home. I don't plan to sit out of Sunday morning services, but I don't think one (or two) will kill me. Tomorrow may actually be a Sabbath!

East of the Big Water

2008-04-15T22:56:00.005-04:00

When we made our first trip back East after moving to Texas, I told Sam we were going to cross the Mississippi River. He of course being 18 months old had no idea what I was saying. So we called it the "Big Water". From then on whenever we made the trip and crossed the bridge into Vicksburg, I would say, "Tell when you see the Big Water". He of course realizing we were crossing it at that moment and thinking that for some reason I didn't see it would say, "There it is! There it is!".

Tonight I have crossed the Big Water and am sitting in a hotel in Pearl, Mississippi. I do not know the next time when I will be west of the Big Water again. The last week was a bit surreal. I had about 20 "last suppers" with friends who wanted to buy me dinner and say good bye. It was really nice. People were very kind and said a lot of really nice things about us.

Friday night some friends of ours all got together for dinner at Nathan and Sunni Atkinson's house. It was good to see all of those people one last time. Nathan and Sunni are a couple we really enjoyed hanging out with (which wasn't as often as we would have liked).

The service on Sunday went well. I gave my farewell discourse and then they received a "love offering" for us (that's a church term for "they gave us money based on their approval of me"). it will help us pay for the move and the rest will go towards paying for our van (it threw a rod a few days ago and I have no idea what that will cost to fix - it's not good though). Perhaps I will share the contents of that sermon in another post.

Monday night our small group got together for pizza and then they came over to help with some last minute packing etc. That was really nice. Our group has been together about 2 years now (Bryan and Jill Campbell, Jeff and Linda Cooper, Danny and Nicole Bennett, Dillon and Erica Timmons). We should have taken a picture :( . We had a lot of fun on the nights that our group met. Some times we did Bible study and prayed and sometimes we just hung out. We talked about TV, sports and music a lot and played the Wii. We will definitely miss them a lot and I hope the group continues to meet and adds a couple of two to take our place. I also hope we can start a group in Tennessee.

Today a bunch of guys helped me load the Uhaul. We did the whole in 2 hours. I absolutely hate loading furniture in trucks. I hate having to ask for help because I know how much I hate being asked (don't worry Robb I volunteered to help you when the time comes).

So tomorrow I will make the final trek to Tennessee.

I've update my places i've lived map with our new home. I don't know why I like maps so much, but I love them.

The Move

2008-04-09T18:38:00.003-04:00

Well it's happening. We are moving next week. I am loading up the U-Haul on Tuesday April 15 at 10am (if you live in Tyler and would like to help....). I'll be in Cleveland on Wedensday and on Thursday we have some people unloading the truck. We have to also load and unload a storage room on Saturday April 19 (if you live in Cleveland and would like to help let me know).

It seems like it was forever ago that we announced our departure. Now it is coming fast. Angeline and Samuel are on their way now to Texas to say goodbye to folks here and help pack up some stuff. This will be my last Sunday at Rose Heights. I will preach in the morning service and then they are having a reception for us right after church. It may be the last time I get to preach for a while. It will be weird standing behind that pulpit and looking out over everyone. I used to get nervous when I had to speak in front of those 800+ people, but now I feel like I know so many of them (also the stage lights are so bright you can only see the first few rows)

We haven't sold our house, but I feel like we will, even in the middle of this "housing crisis". I've given God the keys to the house.

I'm feeling reflective and nostalgic this week. I think leaving will be more emotional than I thought. I don't really like saying goodbye. It seems so final.

The Big Event

2008-04-07T17:44:00.007-04:00

This past weekend we held a Worship Conference at the Church. This was my last big project and the reason I stayed in Tyler for 2 months while Angeline and Samuel were in Cleveland. We began to plan and pray about this weekend last fall and have been looking forward to quite a bit.

About 300-400 of our 1200 members are actually a part of any type of Bible Study group or class at the church. Of those 1200, only about 900 are present on a typical Sunday. About 200-300 attend Sunday School (not every week but over the course of a month) and perhaps another 50-100 people (in addition to the Sun am) come on Wednesday night for Men's or Ladies Bible Study. As discipleship pastor, I began to look for a way to involve more people in a time of community discipleship.

The church is very much an event-driven church. The most successful things over the last 20 years (or perhaps I should say most well attended) have been big dramas, kids crusades with carnivals, Christmas productions etc. While there has only been one big drama in the last 3 years or so (I got to be the judge in the courtroom scene, modern day Pontius Pilate) the people seem to enjoy the "big event". So I decided to work within the structure/context of the church and have a Discipleship Event.

Last fall we had our first conference. I chose a topic that I felt the church needed to talk about as a body and we chose a weekend to focus on it. Since many of our members are "recovering Baptists", we talked about the Holy Spirit. We invited Dr. Steve Land to be a part of it and it was great. It went well enough to do it again.

This time I worked with the worship pastor to have a weekend on worship and we chose the topic Intimacy: a deeper encounter with God. We invited Jason Upton and Dr. Jack Deere to be our guests. Jason did worship on Friday and Saturday evening and spoke in the first session Saturday morning. Jack did a session on Saturday afternoon, a combined Sunday School and preached in the morning worship service.

We chose these two guys because of how different they are. Jason and his band are like modern day hippies - laid back, long hair, artistic, "cool". While Jack is a former professor from DTS now Spirit-filled - clean cut, well-spoken, calm and reserved. It's amazing that these guys both touched on very similar topics but in two totally different languages. This was actually our hope. One segment of our church really identified with Jason and his style and another with Jack and his.

Both of these guys talked about how intimacy with God is about friendship and trust. It is difficult to be intimate with someone you don't trust or when you are a part of a community you don't trust. The way we relate to others is often an indicator of how we relate to God. Those who have difficulty being affectionate or intimate with others may find the same obstacles in the spiritual.

Jason also dealt with more controversial topics: using fearful eschatology in evangelism, a Christian commitment to be pro-life be it in war, the death penalty, or abortion, and the compromise of the church through marketing and capitalism. While Jack was more personable talking about the death of his son, how it's important to be transparent, how overly critical Christians are bringing judgment upon themselves and the church and how the abuse of the gifts should not lead us to stop using them at all.

I enjoyed listening to both of these guys. I most enjoyed the personal time I got to spend with them. Hanging with Jason and Al (drummer/theologian) and the band before and after the shows was very cool. Their conversations about what they're reading and what God is doing in their lives was perhaps as good as the music. I also had a very interesting lunch with Jack Deere that may prove to alter my future. I never knew quesadillas could bring out the prophetic. More on that some other time.

What a weekend.

Graffiti Art

2008-04-02T16:45:00.005-04:00

Anyone heard of Banksy? (link to his site - warning: some of his art maybe offensive to you). He is a graffiti artist who has traveled all over the world. No one knows his real identity. His work is often sarcastic or satirical. He often cleverly paints about politics, the environment, the exploitation of children and the commercialization of ... well everything.

Many of his paintings are quite controversial. He once hung his own version of the Mona Lisa in the Louvre. He has also depicted the Queen of England as a lesbian. At the zoo in Bristol, England he once painted from inside the elephant enclosure, 'I want out. This place is too cold. Keeper smells. Boring, boring, boring.' Recently, one of his paintings sold for 288,000 pounds ($576,000) One of my favorites might be the piece for an art exhibit in California. He painted an entire elephant (pictured) to look like the wall. Ignoring the elephant in the room is a popular theme of his.

There is a reporter in London who interviews him from time to time (Simon Hattenstone from Guardian Unlimited). He also has an agent (Steve Lazarides) who keeps his website and sells some of his art. I saw this quote from Banksy about a conversation he once had with an old man who saw him painting.

Old man You paint the wall, you make it look beautiful
Me Thanks
Old man We don't want it to be beautiful, we hate this wall, go home

I think I've met that old man before.

The painting below was found on the West Bank.

Are we attracting anyone new?

2008-03-31T21:44:00.003-04:00

I've been reading some stuff lately contrasting two different views of evangelism. This has really begun to change the way I think about the mission of the church and where we should be pointing the ship. One is the "attractional" model and the other is the "incarnational" model.

In the attractional model the church tries to allure, bait, invite, hook, persuade, "attract" unbelievers to come to their church. This is done usually via a combination of ministry programs, dramas, events, carnivals, community centers, sports, playgrounds, concerts etc which cause people to want to "come and see" what is happening at the church. The hope is that they will come and see and be moved to join that particular community.

The incarnational model seeks to "go and tell" different groups about Christ. Just as Christ came to us and took our form (human) so these ministries seek to become like the community they are trying to reach. This is done usually through more relational, contextual ministry in which believers share their lives and stories with those around them. The hope is that unbelievers will believe, be transformed and then go out to tell others. It's hard to say what this looks like as it depends on the setting. An incarnational church changes every time someone new is added. Somewhat like a family changes whenever a new child is added. It might look more like a mission or group of friends than a church.

The attractional model has been probably the most popular for the past several years here in the U.S. Seeker sensitive churches really took this to a whole new level spawning much of the mega-church growth we are seeing. The incarnational model has probably been used more often in missions settings outside the U.S. Missionaries often adapt their model and style based on the community where they are living. Where as an attractional model sets its structure and style and seeks to add people to itself that "fit".

I just wonder if the attractional church is adding anyone new? It seems that in America (especially the Bible Belt) churches are competing which each other to attract the most desirable members. They almost seem more similar to rival fast food stores that must continually show why their hamburger is better than the one across the street. They must continually come up with new and improved ideas and services to keep their people. Parishioners seem to pass between churches based on who has the best features of attraction. The goal is supposed to be spreading God's kingdom, but it seems it has become a battle for customers.

The people I know who are not believers have no interest in coming to church. There is not a Christmas pageant, Easter Cantata, or laser light show big enough to make them come to church. I once heard someone say we need to have a Christian concert to invite unbelievers so they can get saved. Why would a Christian artist be of any interest to someone who is not a Christian? If you had a mormon friend that invited you to the concert of a popular Mormon Artist with the hopes of signing you up, would you be interested in going? I wouldn't. The exception might have been when I was in high school. If a hot girl had asked me to go to a Mormon concert, I might of done it. So are we attracting anyone to our churches except those who are already Christian but for some reason are not satisfied with the customer service, color of the theater seating or the marketing promo for the latest sermon series at their church?

While it is obvious I certainly favor the incarnational/missional model, to be fair one criticism of it might be that it must be careful not to make itself too relative. In an attempt to be accepted by the community, the incarnational church must not lose the identity of Christ. It must not becomes so flexible and tolerant that it changes the content of the gospel to fit those around it. Many criticize this model because it doesn't "look like church". It involves going to places where non-believers are and it's focus is outward not inward. But didn't Jesus get accused of being a drunk and a glutton because of where and with whom he hung out? Didn't he say that he came for the sick not the well?

I think I would rather run the risk of someone thinking I was a "sinner" because of who I hung out with than to sit around and hope a "sinner" accidentally stumbles into my church. This is convicting to me. As a pastor, I interact almost exclusively with Christians. Don't misunderstand, I really appreciate and care about the Christians I am in contact with. My best friends are Christians and they are like my family because of our bond in Christ. But I'm sure I have not done enough to force myself out of my comfortable places. I wonder if I really missed a chance to share my story with someone who needed to hear it. Did I do enough to equip others to go out and share their stories as well?

Sometimes we need to die

2008-03-27T14:32:00.004-04:00

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat
falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone;
but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Gospel of John 12:24

This scripture and principle keep coming to mind lately.
I feel like I am burying something.
I'm getting excited thinking about what will grow from it.

Christians are not Normal

2008-03-23T20:08:00.004-04:00

Christians are odd, abnormal, peculiar...weird.
I mean this in a good way ... and maybe in a bad way too.

The Good Way
Today is Easter. This is the day that the Christian Church celebrates the resurrection of Jesus. One of the pillars of the faith is that he was killed on a cross, buried, and came back to life after 3 days. We literally believe that he came back to life and then floated into heaven. That's weird. We also believe that during his life he once mixed spit and dirt into mud, put it on a blind man's eyes and they were healed. He once caused a whole herd of pigs to jump off a cliff. We believe that he picked up a guys ear and put it back on his head like nothing happened. This is odd. But this is who we are. We're supposed to be different. We're supposed to expect the supernatural.

This puts us in the same camp as people who believe in UFO's, or ghosts, or Big Foot. This places us in the same room with psychics and mediums who believe there is something beyond what we can see and hear. This makes us believers in the spiritual and the mystic. I think we should embrace this weirdly mysterious side of Christianity.

The Bad Way
Some Christians are embarrassed of being weird. They don't want to be abnormal. They have fought so hard to make Christianity mainstream, that they have made it kind of creepy. They want everyone to be Christian, not because they have a compassion but because they don't want to be out of place. Many Christians have confused the American dream with the Christian mission. It was not the mission of Christ to give every man new dockers and a polo shirt, an SUV, a new house, a pretty wife, 2.4 kids, and a green lawn. That would be normal and Jesus is not normal.

Many Christians have fought to make our beliefs "facts" and spent lots of time and money researching all the evidence that "proves" the Bible is true. They have thought up all kinds of rational arguments to convince most people that it's not weird when some guy says you have to eat his flesh and drink his blood. They have built their faith on "physical evidence" and not spiritual truth. Their faith is shaken when they hear about the DaVinci Code, dinosaurs, evolution or even that their may be a genetic marker to homosexuality. Their whole argument has come tumbling down with the introduction of new evidence they weren't expecting.

It's kind of become like when you have that friend who just started selling Amway or phone cards or whatever and he wants to talk to you about a "great opportunity" he knows will change your life. They give you the spiel and wait to see if they can sign you up to a life of Christian T-shirts, self-help books, and little fish stickers you can put on everything. This is weird but not in the good way.

We have really let modernity and this rational humanistic view of the mind overtake the more spiritual, supernatural understanding of God (logic vs. mystery). We have desired to be in the mainstream and have perhaps traded some of our best qualities (standing up for the weak, caring for the hurting, loving our enemies). We have picked up commercialism, consumerism and marketing as weapons on our quest to take over the world.

Unfortunately, people (at least Americans) like the underdog. As post-modernity sneaks in, the grand story (metanarrative) is being muted to allow the little guy's story to be just as important. We root for the David not Goliath. Just watch some March Madness and notice the excitement when a small school knocks off the big school with that last second shot. We were meant to be odd. We were meant to be Cinderella not the sisters. We were meant to be more similar to revolutionaries and guerrillas than we are to institutions and corporations. We're the Mom & Pop grocer not Walmart. We're Apple not Microsoft.

We are not normal.

Church Re-Imagined

2008-03-21T19:17:00.003-04:00

Just started reading a new book today. I mooched it here. It's called Church Re-Imagined by Doug Pagitt. Pagitt is the pastor at Solomon's Porch in Minnesota. I'm sure most who are familiar with post-modern Christian communities are very familiar with their church.

I am devouring the book. I have really connected with it so far. It is more a sharing of their story than anything, accompanied by running journal entries from members of the community.

Here is a passage from a section on their worship setting that I am currently enjoying. Quick note: they meet 'in the round' in a large room filled with couches meant to encourage "normalness" and participation among the community. most worship gatherings begin with a song and the reading of a psalm.

...we are careful not to overlay too much of our interpretation or explanation on the text. The experience of having the psalm wash over us is plenty powerful; it doesn't really need our help.

We always have women read the psalm and most other Bible passages we use. Unfortunately, most people have heard the Bible read in a man's voice far more often than a woman's voice. The voices of women speaking the words inspired by God creates a beautiful moment of worship.

The woman reading the psalm does something else that strikes people as odd on their first visit to our gatherings. The reader simply stands up where she is and reads...there is almost an element of surprise for the people sitting next to the psalm reader. There they are minding their own business, taking the whole thing in, and suddenly the person next to or behind them stands and reads, as if she's in charge. And for that moment, she is. There is a change in people's experience that comes from where the content of the worship gathering originates. When the person leading is next to or behind you, it has a way of drawing you in and making you part of the experience. (p.73)

Listen for yourself

2008-03-19T12:20:00.004-04:00

Maybe you are like me and get bombarded by the hoards of political Christian emails that attempt to "give you the facts" about a particular candidate or issue. Often these are generated by the candidates competition under the guise of a concerned fellow Christian.

They share certain "facts" from a particular point of view. Over the past few months I have been getting the emails about how Barack Obama is an Al Quaeda operative who has snuck into the presidential race to turn America Muslim (if this is the case, he chose a poor cover name). How he joined an Anti-American Black Church that hates America and wants to take over. I have been sent pictures of Obama wearing African garb and detailed analysis of why he is probably the Anti-Christ.

Recently, some sermons of his pastor, Jeremiah Wright, were released and have been played ad nauseum to millions of people. White people are scared to death. They can't believe what they are hearing.

Obama responds in this speech. Some are saying it is one of the most important speeches given on Race in America. Some say it is a politically calculated rebuttal that hopes to pull the wool over our eyes.

Listen to it for yourself.

He speaks on the subject as only someone who has a foot in both worlds can. I am not endorsing him as my candidate of choice (I am undecided). But as the father of a bi-racial son, I am happy to have found someone who speaks to the issue with weight and genuineness.

You may decide that you think he is indeed a secret terrorist, or the anti-christ or a con man. You may decide that he is not bad guy. At least listen to his words for yourself before you make a decision. The transcript of the speech is found here for those who would like to read it.

LOST

2008-03-18T12:39:00.003-04:00

I am putting out a call for all LOST fans to give me your favorite LOST websites. I've included a couple that I know of but i want to find some good ones.

Lostpedia
the LOST Blog

A couple of really easy LOST trivia:

What is the name of the hit song by the band Drive Shaft?
What is Sawyer's real name?

Finally

2008-03-13T11:57:00.005-04:00

I am now officially an Ordained Minster in the Church of God.

Almost 3 years ago to the day I began the process here in Texas. I had really hoped to be an Ordained Bishop by this point but it appears it was not meant to be. For those of you not immersed in the sub-culture of the Church of God, don't worry about it. I was able to opt out of the M.I.P. due to my internship and degree from the seminary.

The process involved trying to get secretaries from the State Office to return my calls, leaving lots of messages, faxing a copy of my college degree and seminary transcripts, beginning the process again with a new secretary, waiting for Cleveland TN to send forms to Weatherford, TX . Then I send the forms to Weatherford who sends them to Cleveland who sends them back to Weatherford who sends them back to me. You get the picture, this process went on for several cycles. One secretary, Ms. Brenda Flowers, was extremely helpful and very kind in helping me with all of this.

My favorite part of the certificate is the line at the very bottom that reads:

This certificate may be revoked by the
proper authority at any time.

I guess it's their less than subtle reminder to not get too carried away.